The change of shift, Severide found, crept by sometimes. One lot of firefighters being swapped for another, televisions being turned on quietly, routine checks of the vehicles being conducted. An average day for firefighters. Other times it was like they triggered something in the universe the second they began readying to leave, the blast of the alarms announcing to the world that the new shift was about to begin.
Severide was just heading to the locker room to get changed out when the bells went off, ensuring that they were stuck working even after their shift ended. They were called to the scene of a small machine shop fire. By the time the squad truck pulled up and they jumped out, Casey and his truck company were already talking to the owner.
"Smoke started coming in and next thing I knew, fire was coming in through the window. We tried to spray it, but it got too hot. Then the propane tank blew."
"Anything else combustible in there?" Casey asked, anticipating the question on the tip of Severide's tongue.
The owner nodded. "A bunch of cylinders, oxygen, acetylene."
Boden practically growled. "81, pull those tanks out before it turns into the damn Fourth of July."
Casey nodded and was off before Severide could blink. He fought the urge to watch Casey go and concentrated on his chief.
"Squad," Boden said, nodding at Severide. "You're on search."
"Hey, isn't that that kid Ernie from the Thanksgiving dinner?" Otis said, pausing with oxygen mask in hand and watching the familiar kid hover at the outskirts of the crowd.
Severide followed his gaze and frowned himself. He'd heard the whispers of the kid being a firebug around the House and had had a bad feeling even before when he kept turning up. He turned and looked meaningfully at Boden just to be sure his chief knew about the kid. He received the barest nod in return and satisfied Severide turned back to the task at hand.
Severide and his squad cleared the front office's fairly quickly, mindful of the Truck firefighters wheeling the oxygen and acetylene past. On their way in Casey passed with the last of the cylinders.
"Main room's clear of hazardous material," he yelled, leaning into Severide's personal space to be heard over the screaming of the fire. They would have been just about pressed nose to nose if it hadn't been for their oxygen masks. "No workers in here," he added. "Haven't checked the supply room yet."
"We got it," Severide yelled back, clapping a gloved hand to Casey's own protected shoulder and pressed on deeper into the hazy room.
The smoke was too thick for their sight however and soon enough thermal imaging cameras are brought out by the entire squad, scanning the nearly pitch black room.
"Lieutenant," Vargas called after a minute. "Somebody's in the corner."
Being the closest to him, Severide followed him over to help, instructing Hadley and Capp to continue searching.
"You grab his legs," he ordered, and slipped an arm under the victim's shoulders. They got him outside and onto the waiting gurney and barely had time to pull off their masks before Boden was appearing before them.
"Truck's still inside. I need you two to vent the roof."
"On it," Severide responded and hurried up the aerial that was already in place.
"Supply room's clear of victims and hazardous material. Coming out now," came Casey's response as he and Vargas started knocking out the rooftop windows.
"How are we doing on that vent, Severide," Boden asked next.
"Making progress," Severide reported, stepping away from the windows to speak into the radio and leaving Vargas to smash the last few windows and finish the vent.
The only warning he got that something was wrong was the sudden increase of yelling down in the shop and the sizzle of two materials reacting together. Then a cloud of smoke billowed out onto the roof, swallowing Vargas completely. Severide heard his man gasp then start to cough and threw a hand a over his own mouth, dropping to the ground and covering his face with his jacket. He squinted through the haze of the smoke to see Vargas gasping for breath on the ground, face steadily turning grey as he was deprived of oxygen.
"Mayday! Mayday!" He yelled into the radio. "Firefighter down!"
"We got a firefighter down on the roof," came Boden's responding call. "Get a ladder and get him down from there now."
Severide scrambled forward on his stomach, hooked a hand around the collar of Vargas' turnout jacket and hauled him clear of the slowly dissipating smoke, trying to ignore the way he was still jerking and gasping.
By the time he got him to the other side of the rooftop, Casey, Otis and Mills were waiting with a stokes basket. They got him loaded and sent him back down the aerial and into the waiting hand of Shay and Dawson.
"Take nice, slow breaths for us, Vargas," Dawson instructed as soon as they got him onto the gurney. Shay cut away his shirt while Dawson fitted him with an oxygen mask. "We're going to get you to the hospital in no time, ok? You guys ready," she added to Severide and Casey who were waiting to help load him into the ambulance.
The house firefighters watched the rig pull away in solemn silence, thoughts with their brother-in-arms. That is until it moved away completely, revealing Ernie remaining and still watching the fire ravishing the shop. Severide crossed the distance in only a few strides and was vaguely thankful for the gate separating him from the kid or else he couldn't be sure what he would have done.
"Hey," he barked and the kid jumped and stepped away with a mix of surprise and fear. "You torch this place, you little tweaker."
"I'm watching," Ernie mumbled.
"You're watching? Did you do it?"
Boden appeared beside him and wrenched him away while the kid used the chance to run off. "That's enough," Boden growled, shoving Severide away.
Severide went to walk away but thought better of it. "That's two fires, two dumpsters, same kid!" he yelled, gesturing between the fire and Ernie's retreating back.
"I am handling this," Boden shouted back.
"You're handling this?" Severide scoffed. "Why don't you invite him back for apple pie? Keep him close. That's the plan right?" He might have continued yelling all morning if it hadn't been for the hand that settled on the nape of his neck, fingertips cold against his skin (cold, which is how he had known instantly it was Casey), tugging insistently.
Casey's voice was low and spoken directly into his ear. "Come on, walk away. You don't want to get into this here."
"That was my man," Severide protested, even as he stepped back and followed Casey's voice.
"I know. I know. But you don't want to do this here."
He let himself get pulled away, not caring less if Boden was pissed at him and allowed Casey to guide him back to his truck, where his squad were waiting for his direction.
Later, that night Casey managed to coax him out of the hospital where the house had been waiting all day without news for a round of drinks at a bar down the street. Casey didn't say 'it'll all be fine' like the rest of them had been saying. They were both too experienced to be comforted by that naivety.
"Boden's going to kick my ass," Severide said instead, frowning into his scotch.
Casey waved him off. "He'll be fine."
But all Severide could remember was the look on Boden's face and growl in his voice. "No, he won't."
"Then he'll get over it, soon enough," Casey laughed. "And I thought I worried too much," he added when Severide didn't say anything. He was a full round ahead of Severide and inching up to another and it showed. His cheeks were flushed and eyes were bright, he was grinning widely and Severide was struck by the sudden, unexplainable urge to curl a hand around his neck, pull him closer, cover his mouth with his own, lick away the alcohol from his lips, and-
He blinked and looked away. "Maybe," he mumbled, having already forgotten what they'd been speaking about and downed the rest of his drink.
Severide turned out to be right. First thing next shift the entire house was called together in one of the conference rooms to discuss the auto shop fire.
"Morning," Boden started. "I know you're all concerned about what happened to Vargas after last shift and I know many of you stayed at the hospital for the rest of the day. The hospital released him yesterday and he's resting up. But he is not out of the woods yet. Hazmat had confirmed that it was magnesium shavings in the bin at the machine shop, which you all know are reactive with water."
"Magnesium inhalation," Herrmann supplied.
Boden nodded. "He's got burns in his lungs and an upper respiratory tract infection."
"So when are we going to see him again?"
"Unknown. At least until we get the test results. But look," Boden continued when the glum silences seemed to deepen. "He's going to be fine no matter what happens. Okay? Dismissed."
The room cleared slowly, many expressing concern amongst themselves. Boden caught Severide before he could escape.
"My office. Now."
He received sympathetic smiles from both Shay and Casey before he followed his chief back to his office. It was only when Boden barked "door" before Severide was even fully in that Severide knew just the extent of the chewing out he was about to receive. Figuring it would only help to abate Boden's anger he complied with the order.
Boden waited for the click of the door shutting and for Severide to face him again to speak. "You ever talk to me like that in front of the men again, you will see a side of me that you won't forget."
Severide could see where he was coming from, he could: a leader wouldn't be able to lead effectively without the respect of his men. But he still had a duty to protect his men. "All due respect, I've got to protect my men."
"And I am doing what? Walking around with my thumb up my ass?" Boden's voice was cold and little more than a hiss.
"He's a firebug," Severide hissed right back. "Plain as day."
"I am taking care of this," was all Boden would say. "Do you understand me? Step back."
Severide left without saying another word because after all that, he still had a man in the hospital, a firebug running around the streets of Chicago, a pain in his shoulder that was just putting him even more on edge, and strange, inescapable urges around Casey and Casey alone that were messing with his head. And between all that, if he was going to say anything it was going to be yelled and it was just going to get him into even more trouble with Boden. So he didn't say anything and fought the urge to slam the door like a petulant child on his way out.
He headed straight for the locker room, mind already on the pills stashed in his locker, imagining the weight of them on his tongue before he swallows, the manufactured bliss they'll provide. The pill is as good as he imagined, drawing away the pain almost instantly, dulling the sharpness when he moves too quickly. All that's left behind is that bitter taste in his mouth.
Casey had been trying to get onto Vargas all morning but had steadily been getting a pre-recorded message every time.
"Hey, you've reached Jose Vargas. Please leave a message."
He ended the call without leaving a message this time, clicking his phone shut with a sigh.
"Hey," Shay said as she passed. "Anything?" She nodded at the phone.
"He's not picking up."
"Alright. Well, let me know if anyone's planning on going over to see him. Dawson and I want in."
"You got it."
Casey moved to walk past her and into the rec room but Shay grabbed his arm as though she'd just remembered something. "Keep an eye out for Severide, would you? Things have been a bit-" Shay merely pulled a face to describe their current relationship, but waved Casey off when he looked concerned. "Anyway, this Vargas thing has him rattled, so…"
"Sure, I'll make sure to check in with him."
"Oh and hey. Dawson's landlord is being a dick about repairing her kitchen window; it leaks everytime it rains but he won't do anything about it."
Casey frowned. They were friends but she hadn't said anything about it to him. He told Shay as much.
"Oh, she didn't want to come off like a mooch," she said, waving her hand. "But anyhow, she tried to fix it herself, and now the window won't go up or down."
"Ok. I'll talk to her."
"Thanks Casey," Shay smiled and touched his elbow briefly before leaving.
He glanced out the window above the dispatch bay and caught sight of Dawson cleaning out the back of the ambo rig.
Heading out to her he called, "You should have said something about your window."
Dawson's head jerked up and she scoffed. "You want all of Chicago to know your business, make sure you tell Leslie Shay."
Casey chuckled because she had a point. You couldn't find a better friend than Shay but it was true she liked to meddle in everyone's personal lives. "I can put in a new one for you."
The mirth faded slightly from Dawson's face. "I don't like asking for favours."
Casey shrugged. "Good thing you didn't ask." He turned away with a final smile and walked away before she had a chance to argue.
Severide, sitting at the squad wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he passed but Casey just barked a short laugh and mouthed 'deluded' on his way in. Severide didn't look like he'd get into too much trouble any time soon, so Casey felt comfortable pushing back his plan to check in.
The clock was just inching it's way towards 12 and the occupants of 51 were just starting to think about lunch when truck 81 were called out again. The bank they rolled up to was large and luxurious, all expensive marble and gold metalwork.
"What's the word?" Casey asked the bank manager as they joined him.
"An elevator stopped working. One of them is stuck. There was somebody in there calling for help, but now nobody's answering the phone."
"What floor?"
"It's express," the manager said almost apologetically. "It could be anywhere between the lobby and the tenth floor."
Casey gritted his teeth and thought for a moment before turning back to his men with a nod and a decision made. "Let's start on ten and get a bird's eye view."
Not looking forward to a climb, Casey steeled himself before leading his men over to the stairwell and entered, leading the group as well as Dawson and Shay up the many flights of stairs. Being fit was a prerequisite of being a firefighter, one couldn't after all expect to haul bodies out of burning victims if they weren't fit. But still, after ten flights of stairs in full gear even Casey's thighs were starting to burn and his breaths were coming quicker. Still he didn't let him slow him down and pushed on.
"That one," he said nodding at the doors to the elevator that had stopped working.
Otis got to work fiddling with the doors until they slid open to reveal the shadowed shaft within. He moved out the way for Casey to slide to the edge and look over with his torch, trying to find the victim.
"This is the fire department!" he called, when he couldn't see anyone. "Can anybody hear me?" There was still no response.
"Mills, Cruz, Herrmann, throw a rope. I'll get in the hoistway. Otis, get up to the motor room and take over the power."
Otis opened the door to the stairwell only to find Mouch on the other side, panting and red in the face. Otis slid past while he stumbled in and leaned against the wall, struggling to get his breath back.
"Ah, Mouch," Casey said pleasantly.
Mouch held up a finger as he bent over his knees, trying to get his breath back while simultaneously clutching a stitch in his side.
"You stay right here and take command of this floor?"
He clapped Mouch on the shoulder and got a thumbs up in response. Grinning, Casey joined Cruz, Mills and Herrmann where they were rigging up the ropes. A radio message from Otis several floors above confirmed that the power was shut down and all they were waiting for now were the ropes. Mills and Casey stepped into their harnesses and rigged themselves up while Herrmann and Cruz secured the lines.
"Mills, your line's secure," Herrmann called and Mills tugged on it to be sure.
Cruz brought the other rope to Casey and clipped it to him, tugging on it to confirm its security. Cruz headed back to man the ropes with Herrmann while Casey shuffled to the edge of the elevator shaft and met Mills' eyes.
"All right?"
"Let's do it."
Casey leaned back on his heels and slowly reclined back into the open space of the shaft, keeping his feet firmly planted on the edge of the elevator shaft. After a quick glance at Herrmann to get that final nod he started to walk down, moving quickly but surely, until his feet touched the top of the elevator. He crouched down and jerked open the emergency hatch to the elevator, using his light to search its shadowy depths. Unfortunately it was empty except for a heavy looking safe, which he reported back to his company through his radio. A rustle of movement had him jerking his head up and a quick search with his torch revealed a man standing in the corner of the shaft, turned away.
"What the hell?" Casey muttered, when the man showed no sign he realised Casey was in the shaft with him.
"I didn't do it," Casey heard the guy mutter under his breath and he had to assume the guy was talking about the apparently stolen safe in the elevator.
"Hey buddy," Casey called cautiously, quietly enough that he wouldn't startle the man out of his precarious position on the ledge but firmly enough to get his attention. The man's head jerked up and around and while he wobbled slightly, he didn't lose his footing, to Casey's relief. "I'm down here to help you. Didn't you hear me yelling?"
"Please, I don't want any help," the guy said, looking away again.
"Clearly," Casey said. "What's your name?"
"I don't want to say," the man said petulantly.
"I'm not a cop," Casey pointed out but that didn't get any further response from the stranger. "Fine, I'll call you Ralph," Cased decided. "Look, Ralph-"
"It's Mark," the man - Mark - acquiesced.
"Alright, Mark. First off don't do anything stupid." Mark shot him a contemptuous look and Casey raised his hands in surrender with a sigh. 'I mean, don't do anything else stupid."
Mark went back to muttering under his breath and peering anxiously over the ledge he was perched on.
Another spotlight from a torch shone down on Casey as Cruz appeared above him. "Elevator's dead until the safe's out, Lieutenant."
"Drop me a rescue harness," Casey called back and Cruz disappeared from the ledge. His men worked efficiently and soon enough another rope was being dropped to him. While Casey fiddled with it, Mark started mumbling to himself again.
"I told her I needed 45 and she just said 'take it or leave it'."
"Looks like you took it," Casey remarked drily as he finished prepping the harness.
"The money never left the building," Mark said desperately, slowly sliding down the brick wall until he was crouching on the ledge. "Maybe Betts and I can work something out."
"There you go," Casey said, trying to sound upbeat as he moved to the edge of the elevator he was standing on. Mark was on the ledge in the other elevator shaft and when Casey looked down, he couldn't even see the elevator so he knew he had to get this exactly right.
"Alright," Casey breathed. "Now, when I say the word-" Casey started but Mark started moving before he could finish. "Not yet!" he tried but it was too late and Mark lost his footing and almost slipped off completely. He clutched desperately at a pipe to keep from toppling over completely but it was clear he wouldn't last much longer.
"Just hold on," Casey called and quickly unhooked himself from his own line and moved towards Mark, headless of Herrmann's worried voice coming in over the radio.
"Lieutenant, put your line back on!"
"Give me your hand," Casey barked, as he shuffled onto the narrow ledge. "Grab onto the beam," Casey instructed, guiding Mark's shaking form forward until he could clutch at the cool metal of the shaft. "Now your other hand. One step at a time."
Mark started to shuffle closer and for one stupid moment Casey thought they'd make it alright. Then Mark's foot slipped over the edge and this time he couldn't regain his footing. He fell into the wide open space of the shaft, Casey's hand on his the only thing from keeping him from falling into the bottomless pit. Casey's arm went around his torso on instinct, his other wrapped around the beam as they both struggled not to fall.
"Get your feet up," Casey gasped, arm straining at the unexpected weight. "I'm not going to drop you, but I need you to get your feet up.
Mark's shoes scrabbled uselessly against the side of the shaft for a few moments before eventually he got first one, then two feet back on the ledge. Not caring about going slow any more, Casey hurriedly, herded him back onto the top of the other elevator and took a step back from the edge, breathing a sigh of relief.
"I got him," he said into the radio and set to strapping the unresponsive Mark into the harness. "Up on line," he called, when he was done and the line immediately pulled taut and began to lift Mark out of the shaft. Once he disappeared over the edge and into Shay and Dawson's waiting hands, Casey hooked himself back in and prepared to climb out himself.
Casey got out and passed Mark just in time to see an angry woman stride over to him. "What am I supposed to tell mum, huh? You dropout."
Casey left them to it and ordered his men to pack up and head back to the truck. Mouch caught his breath back while he sat on the back bumper and the rest of the company packed up. Casey listened in amusement as Cruz ribbed him mercilessly while he packed away the ropes.
"Hey, Mouch, I think I left my kit upstairs. Can you run up and grab it for me?"
"I'd give you the finger, but that would require too much energy."
To Casey's surprise, Cruz rounded the back of the truck a minute later looking stressed. "Lieutenant?"
"What's up, Cruz?"
"My little brother got pinched in a robbery. Unarmed. Petty theft," he added quickly as the look on Casey's face. "Anyway, he's at county and if I could get an hour? I need to bail him out."
Casey thought for a moment. "Get us back to 51 and you got it."
Cruz pushed it, though Casey didn't know why. "Are you sure?"
He closed the door to the cabinet and straightened, regarding his man carefully. "Are you?"
Cruz looked pensive and shrugged. "He's family."
"Then you've got your answer."
Cruz nodded his thanks before heading back around the truck. Casey went to follow him but another voice calling his name had him stopping in his tracks, Dawson smiling nervously as she approached.
"Hey, uh, hypothetical. A friend comes over to your house to help out with something, do you repay with your phenomenal arroz con pollo picante, or a six pack of his favourite beer?"
Casey considered it. "Hypothetically? Your friend can bring his own beer. However, he can barely say… a- arroz co- conn pollo… ?" Dawson cracked a grin and they both chuckled as Casey stumbled over the foreign words. "Let alone cook it."
Dawson smiled again. "Got it." She headed back to her ambulance while Casey climbed into his own rig.
Casey climbed out of the truck after it pulled back onto 51's apparatus floor, watched as Cruz disappeared back down the driveway to his car before heading inside, Severide catching up with him as he went.
"Unhooking yourself from the line? Seriously, Casey?"
"Listening to the radio? Seriously, Severide?" Casey's joking but when Severide's frown didn't lighten, Casey's own smile faded. "Hey I'm fine," he said, ducking to try and meet Severide's eyes.
Severide scratched idly at the stubble spanning his chin. "Yeah, I know," he said quietly and shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Just antsy, I guess," he said with a slightly forced smile. "Need a call."
"Yeah." Casey grinned and punched him on the shoulder. "Nice to know you care, though," he chuckled and headed for the locker-room.
Before Severide could think up a response, Casey had disappeared and Shay had taken his place.
"Awww," she crooned, poking at his cheeks. "Look at you all worried."
"I'm not worried," Severide grumbled and slapped at her hand half-heartedly.
"Sure," Shay scoffed and they started walking towards the rec room. "I'm glad you guys are tight again. It was awkward when you weren't." She was quiet for a beat, then, "Dawson's making her move on Casey."
Severide ignored the way his stomach clenched painfully at that and kept his gaze straight ahead. "That's nice."
That wasn't what Shay wanted to hear if the derisive noise she made was anything to go by.
"Why are you telling me anyway?" Severide asked. "Doesn't that like violate the best friend code. Or the girl code?"
Shay leveled him with a look. "Only if you'd also been interested in him" she said and walked away with a flick of her hair, leaving Severide to ignore the second clench of his stomach.
Severide had barely made it to the rec room when the house's intercom buzzed and a voice was speaking.
"Live and in person, Jose Vargas."
He turned on his heel and joined the crowd of firefighters heading back for the apparatus floor. They pushed open the doors and joined those already gathered, Casey hugging his former company member. More firefighters pushed forward to embrace their comrade, Mills asking if he was planning to stay for lunch.
"He's staying," Severide said decisively, as he shook Vargas' hand, before herding them all back inside.
The bells rang before they could all get inside and Severide only had a moment to pray 'Not now' before the ambo girls were being called out and the rest of them were free to sit down for lunch. Mills dished up and they all took their seats at the table as conversation turned, inevitably, to Vargas' injury.
"Doctor's got me huffing on a nebuliser four times a day," he explained, patting a bag he'd brought with him, not quite affectionately. "Plus this inhaler," he added, withdrawing it from his jacket pocket and tossing it down on the table. "Busy day so far?" he asked and Severide jumped on the topic change.
"Uh, no," he said. "Not too bad."
The table lapsed into a silence that was bordering on uncomfortable as the firefighters each looked around each other, begging the others to come up with a topic of conversation that wouldn't remind Vargas of his injury. Severide wouldn't say he welcomed Connie's interruption exactly, but it came at the right time nevertheless.
"Casey, Severide. Chief's asking for you."
The pair stood without a word and followed her back to Boden's office, where he was waiting with another man.
"This is Dr. Tenney, he CFD medical director," Boden introduced as Casey and Severide shook his hand.
"Gentlemen," he said.
"We wanted to bring you both in since Vargas served in both your company's."
"What's the word?" Severide asked.
Tenney's face was serious, a hint of an apology glimmering in his eyes, and with a gut-wrenching swoop, Severide knew what was coming.
"His labs suggest chronic obtrusive pulmonary disease."
"What's that?"
"He'll develop emphysema, which means his lungs will gradually deteriorate. He won't be able to breathe a normal amount of air, which could lead to other issues: weight loss, skeletal muscle dysfunction, heart problems. There's no cure but we can treat it, however…" The doctor trailed off but they didn't need him or Boden to continue.
"There's just no way he can handle the demands of the job."
Casey scrubbed a hand over his face. "He's out there right now, Chief. He doesn't look that bad."
"We are placing him on long-term disability," Boden said regretfully. "I wanted you to know what was happening. Either I, or the doctor can tell him, but it might be better coming from you…"
Severide and Casey glanced at each other, posing the silent question to each other. Severide gave a slight nod and Casey nodded back his own agreement.
"We'll do it, Chief," Casey said and Boden nodded his thanks.
Each heaving their own heavy sighs, Casey and Severide headed out of the office and back to the rec room where lunch was just wrapping up.
"Vargas, a word?" Severide asked, indicating the locker room with a jerk of his head.
Telling a firefighter, especially one who'd been in the department as long as Vargas, that his career was over, was almost as hard as losing a firefighter altogether. At least, that's how it felt for Severide and Casey as they told Vargas that he was done.
"So that's it," he said incredulously.
"I'm sorry, Vargas," Severide said automatically. "It could have happened to any of us."
"Well, be glad it didn't happen to you," Vargas shot back.
Severide tried not to take it to heart, because he knew Vargas was still in shock about it all, but still it hurt, knowing that he'd been on that roof with Vargas and by luck only, he'd been a few steps away.
"You're getting paid," Casey pointed out, saving Severide from thinking up a reply. "¾ salary. It's not what anybody wants, but we'd take that deal."
Vargas looked at Severide and somehow he knew what was coming. "How about you, Kelly? Would you take that deal?"
"They're not offering a choice," Severide said, sidestepping the question he knew Vargas was really asking.
Again, Casey stepped in for the rescue and diverted Vargas' attention again. "You still doing landscaping?"
Vargas shrugged, "Yeah, whenever my buddy needs another guy."
"Take the 75%, start your own business."
"Or go ride Harley's with your brother, like you always talked about," Severide added.
"He moved to Albuquerque," Vargas said shortly and Severide wanted to punch himself. Vargas scoffed quietly to himself. "You and me should both be taking 75%, hey, Kelly?"
Severide didn't say anything, could only try not to look like he knew what Vargas was talking about but he caught Casey's look out of the corner of his eye. Vargas left without another word, Casey clapping him on the shoulder as he went, but not following.
Vargas' words kept running in a loop over and over in Casey's head. Be glad it didn't happen to you.
Out loud he found himself saying, "It could have been you."
Severide's voice was quiet. "I know."
The shoulder thing with Severide had been at the back of his mind for weeks now, thing after thing happening or getting in the way before he could talk to him about him. He wasn't about to give up on this opportunity. He turned to Severide with an intensity that he thought shocked them both.
"Did you see a doctor? About your shoulder?" he added when Severide didn't offer a response or even look his way.
Severide considered playing dumb for half a moment, but it hadn't worked on Shay, there was no way it was working on Casey.
"It's my neck," he said shortly and instantly wanted to change his tone. "I saw a doctor," he continued, finally looking at his friend and trying to smile. "She said there's nothing to worry about, so I'm not worrying about it," he said shrugging and smiling lightly. But the smile felt all wrong on his face and the look on Casey's told him enough.
"You know, I want to believe you, Kelly." Severide's head reared back in instinctive indignation at that but Casey wasn't done. "But I can't. So when you're ready to talk about it honestly, I'll be here."
He left to the sound of the bells going off before Severide could defend himself, or say anything at all.
"Squad 3, Engine 51. Single car accident, 5512 South Sangamon."
The scene was that of a single car that had hit a telegraph pole. There wouldn't have been any need for them at all, if it hadn't been for the broken power line that was draped across the hood of the car, twitching and bursting sporadically. The woman inside the car look terrified as the power line sizzled.
"The car's live," Severide called, as he walked up to get a closer look. "Keep your distance. Tony, get on the horn with com-ed and get this line cut."
He rounded the back to the car so he could talk to the woman through the driver's open window.
"Uh, I knew not to get out of the car," she said.
"That's right," Severide said, eyeing the cable. "You hurt?"
The woman looked herself over. "No, I don't think so."
"What happened?"
"Well, this animals just darted out, right in front of my car, so I swerved."
"Looks like you missed him, so PETA will be happy. Just give us a sec," he added when she shifted nervously again.
"Severide," Hadley called, with a pointed glance to the underside of the car.
He dropped to his stomach to peer underneath, and saw the oil leaking steadily from the undercarriage. With a muffled curse, he stood again and started thinking.
"All right, we can't wait for the power company."
"Wait, what's happening?"
"Just stay in the car. Capp, throw me the rope bag."
Capp had it out in one second and was tossing it clear across the top of the car the next. Severide pulled a rope from it, managed to get it looped around the cord before tossing the bag with the other end of the rope back to the waiting Capp. While he worked, Severide automatically assuaged the woman's nervous rambling with his own quiet encouragement. He glanced at Capp, got the confirming nod, then they began to drag the line off the car, around the telegraph pole before tying it off to a nearby pole, well away from the car and any other bystanders.
Severide headed back to the woman who was still sitting numbly in the front set of her car, breathing heavily and opened the door for her. Gingerly, she stepped out.
"See," Severide said. "Safe and sound."
"Yeah," she chuckled, still sounding like she was in shock.
"You need a backboard and stretcher?" he asked, watching her carefully as he guided her away.
She rolled her neck a few times but looked alright. "No, I think I'm good. I'd kill for a massage though." When Severide didn't answer, she chuckled again and said, "I'm fine."
Severide smiled slightly, before gesturing to nearby waiting paramedics. "Well, these guys will check you out to make sure."
Leaving them to it, he headed off, not hearing the thanks she called after him. He had a live power line to babysit after all.
The routine call with the woman and the fallen power line didn't turn out to be nearly as routine as Severide had expected. Especially when she turned up at the house minutes after his squad arrived back themselves, smile in place and chocolate in hand.
"Remember me?" she asked, leaving a cab waiting for her in the driveway as she walked up to where he hovered uncertainly near his truck. "I tried to electrocute you before."
Severide took a few hesitant steps towards her, smiling slightly, welcomingly. "I remember."
She offered the box for him. "For you. Chocolates," she added, when he didn't immediately take them from her.
"Uh, thanks," he said, finally taking the proffered gifts and offering a small smile in return. He tried not to groan when her own smile widened. "But you didn't have-"
"No, no, please," she said. "I mean, it doesn't even begin to repay you for all your help."
Severide bit his lip and wondered what the best way to handle this would be. "Miss…"
"Uh Renee Royce," she introduced herself, offering her hand for him to shake. "Call me Renee." Severide would have had to be blind to not notice the coyness in both her voice and smile. He shook her hand firmly and but didn't linger. This would be hard enough without sending her mixed signals.
"Right," Severide said and frowned. "Look my services are free." There was a long moment where Severide waited - and hoped - for her to get the message.
She looked put off for a moment as her eyes roved over his face, drinking in his features and when she bit her lip and smiled softly down at her shoes, Severide's heart sunk because he knew his message hadn't been received and what was about to come.
"This is going to sound- okay, what the hell." Renee shook her head as if to clear her thoughts, and refixed her smile on him. "Do you want to have lunch or coffee sometime?"
And there it was. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence - and actually happened more than anyone would think - that a victim would come back interested in the firefighter who'd pulled them to safety, for some guy to come sniffing around, eyes only for Shay or Dawson. Only a few months ago, a woman who couldn't have been older than her mid-twenties had come round to thank them, intent on finding Mouch and asking him out. It was a harmless interaction, they'd been warned about in the academy, and really it was just part of the job.
Severide pressed his lips together and blinked out at the street, excuses about being on shift already forming in his mind.
Laughing like she could read the hesitance in his face, she was quick to assure him, "It doesn't have to be today."
"Look, it's a really nice offer-" he tried.
"Come on, just say yes," she implored, batting her eyelashes at him.
And it wasn't that she wasn't pretty, she was beautiful but he'd been here before, when he had been younger and naive and he knew how it would end. Besides he doubted he'd be interested even if she wasn't a victim.
"Miss Royce," he said gently.
"Yes," she grinned.
Severide waited a breath, framing the words in his mind before he said them. "There's a well-known phenomenon where people who have been rescued become attracted to the people that helped them. Believe me, this will wear off in 30 minutes, tops."
Her smile dimmed slightly at his words and when her eyes slid over his shoulder he knew what she'd seen. Love his squad as he did, Severide knew they could be a pack of assholes 90% of the time and he had no doubt they'd caught on to what was happening. Embarrassment coloured her cheeks as she stepped away.
"Thank you again."
"Yeah, it was my pleasure," Severide assured her as she backed away. He waited until she had disappeared back into the safety of her cab and they'd pulled away to walk back inside table, shooting his company his most disapproving look as he passed and taking the chocolates with him.
Vargas left that afternoon, a box of his things under his arm and it was hard for everyone at the house to feel like it wasn't a funeral. It was the definitely the end of something however and they all felt it as they gathered on the floor to say goodbye.
Otis stepped forward holding the going away present the house had scrounged up for him.
"This is from all of us," he said, offering the package to Vargas.
Vargas ripped the plain brown packaging away to find his helmet, on which each member of the house had scribbled their signature of a message in silver marker. He turned it over slowly in his hands, fingers tracing the words of love scrawled on the scarred surface.
"Thanks guys," he finally got out and if his voice sounded a little choked, no one was going to mention it. "This, is-" he started but had to clear his throat. "It sure ain't pretty. But I love it. Thanks."
Boden stepped forward. "It was an honour to serve with you at this house, Vargas," he said gravely. Boden forwent a traditional shake of the hand and instead pulled the man into a hug. He clapped Vargas on the shoulder once before stepping back to let the rest of the house say goodbye. There were hugs and well wishes all around and then Vargas was leaving and the rest of the house were drifting off leaving Severide, Casey, and Boden to watch their former colleague walk away.
"Keep an eye on him, both of you."
"Yes, Sir," they both replied dutifully, waiting until Vargas was out of sight to follow the others back inside.
Severide was mildly surprised to find Renee Royce climbing out of yet another cab sitting in the driveway as the sky slowly but surely darkened with the oncoming night. Ignoring the sly comments from his squadmates, Severide moved to meet her, feeling apprehensive.
"It has been over 30 minutes," she said instead of a greeting, looking equal parts fond and irritated. "And it hasn't worn off." She arched one perfect eyebrow and waited.
Severide found himself smiling slightly. "Is that so?"
"Yeah."
"Well, how about that."
"Because you made me wait for it, it is now going to be dinner," she said firmly.
Severide hesitated for only a moment, an image of Casey rising unbidden in his mind, before figuring what the hell. Royce seemed nice enough and even if it didn't go anywhere, it could be fun, God only knew he needed some of that in life.
Still he had to make her work for it. "Is it?"
"Have you ever been to Francesca's? 'Cause we're in for tomorrow night."
Severide's stomach clenched slightly, he knew Francesca's alright, but he forced a smile. "Alright," he agreed softly, and Royce grinned in triumph.
He saw her back into her cab only to find Shay watching him unimpressed from the other side of the floor. He approached her cautiously but she grabbed his arm before he could ask what was wrong and yanked him towards the doors.
"A word, Kelly?" she asked, but Severide figured she didn't really need an answer.
Shay didn't let up until she'd pulled him into a dark conference room, off a deserted corridor where there was no chance they'd been heard.
"What's shaking, Sparkles?" he asked lightly, the combination of the pills he'd taken earlier and the interaction with Royce making him feel lighter than air.
Whatever had been bugging Shay seemed to drain out of her as she squinted up at him through the gloom.
"What's up with you?"
"Nothing," Severide said defensively.
Shay's pressed into a thin, furious line. "Are you on something again?"
"What?" Severide scoffed in disbelief, unable to believe that she'd automatically jump to thinking he was on something the second he looked happy. "Maybe I'm finally feeling a little better," Severide said even though he knew that wasn't it.
Shay looked like she wanted to argue but she shook her head and glanced away for a second. "Whatever Kelly, this isn't what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Then what was?" he asked, tone still sharper than usual.
Shay's eyes slid back to his and he was a little surprised to see wariness there. "So you're going out with that Renee chick?" she asked after a moment.
Severide shrugged. "Yeah. She's seems cool. Why?"
"I just don't think it's a good idea."
Severide had never seen Shay looking so unsure of herself. She was usually so ready to push, push, push. It was what made her such a good paramedic, and an even better friend. But now it was like she was worried that she'd push him too far and for the first time Severide was worried that something irrevocable had changed between them.
"What do you mean?" he asked, making an effort to keep his voice gentle.
Shay shifted slightly and changed tact. "Who is this really about?"
It hit him straight away. "You think this is about Casey."
She made a frustrated noise at the back of her throat. "I just want you to be honest about why you're doing this."
"What do you want me to say?" Severide said, voice rising and even he could hear how defeated he sounded. "I still love him; is that what you want to hear?" he yelled, and an absent part of his brain was glad there was no one around to hear his outburst. Oddly enough he wasn't all that surprised by his confession. He loved Matt. Had always loved Matt. Would probably always love him. He marveled over that in his head while Shay looked at him, heartbroken.
"So why don't you tell him," she whispered, reaching for his hands.
But he was already stepping away, shaking his head, choking back a lump in his throat. "I can't," he croaked, eyes burning, unshed at the back of his eyes as he looked away. "I just got him back and I can't lose him again. I can't survive losing him again. I'd rather have him like this than not at all. It's self preservation."
Shay's voice, when she answered, was a mixture of sadness and anger. "It's a cop out, is what it is."
Severide swiped irritably at the tears that threatened to spill over his cheeks. "I can't lose him again. He's everything."
"I know," Shay murmured and stepped forward to wrap him up in a hug he hadn't known he'd needed until he was getting it.
Dinner was surprisingly fun, especially after he'd wrangled Vargas into coming with them. He couldn't not; the poor man had turned back up at the station, been blown off by all of his colleagues, and hung around like - and Severide truly hated the analogy - like a lost puppy until shift had ended and Severide couldn't not invite him to come.
Royce didn't seem to mind his presence, she struck Severide as the type to just accept, adapt, and roll with it and he appreciated it. Vargas needed them now more than anything. He told her as much after Vargas had said goodnight and Severide was walking her back to her car.
"Thanks for making it three. He's struggling a bit."
Royce smiled. "Don't mention it. You're a good man, caring about your men like that."
Severide cleared his throat as the cold Chicago air nipped at their exposed skin and he considered his companion. She was beautiful with the dark hair and equally dark eyes, the wide smile, and hanging out with her hadn't been a chore either. It would be so easy, so much easier for him if he could just imagine a future with her, where they dated, had some fun together, even if it didn't last, he'd been moving on from the shallow one night stands that had frequented his life since he broke up with Casey.
But he already knew it couldn't happen; tonight his mind had been half at the dinner and half wondering what Casey was up to, what his nights were like now that he didn't have himself or Darden there. And even when he'd been concentrating on the dinner, he'd been thinking of what Casey would have to say, what dry but humorous comment he'd of contributed if he'd been there. It wouldn't be fair to either him or Royce to pretend this was something it wasn't.
Severide sighed, and cleared his throat again, earning Royce's attention. She regarded him curiously, waiting patiently while he collected his thoughts.
"Look, Royce… this was really fun. It was, and I actually really needed it but… it's not fair to you if I don't- if I can't be honest with you. And the truth is you're amazing but there's, there's someone else."
Royce had a small, knowing smile on her face as she nodded slowly and Severide barely had time to wonder how, before she was speaking.
"Let me guess," she said slowly, as they strolled along. "Lieutenant Casey."
Severide's mouth dropped open and he glanced over at the crowded street to collect himself. He hadn't thought he'd talked about him that much. "I'm sorry- I didn't- just, how?" he finally managed.
The small smile widened slightly. "Your eyes," she said softly. "They just lit up whenever he was mentioned. I always wanted someone to love me like that."
Severide swallowed past the lump building his throat.
"I'm assuming that he's not in the picture anymore?" Royce asked carefully while Severide struggled to speak.
"He is," Severide said. "But we're not- we can never go back to what we were."
"I'm sorry," Royce offered. They had reached her car by now but neither of them made a move to reach for the door handle. "Look, I don't really know you but getting over someone, especially someone you love that much can be a bitch, so if you ever need anyone, even it's just to talk I'm available. It doesn't have to be a serious thing," she continued when Severide showed signs of interrupting, refusing. "And I know exactly what I'm getting myself into, so don't worry. But maybe just what you need is something not so serious."
She pressed a business card into his hand, reached up to kiss his cheek, murmured a goodbye, and slid into her car, peeling away before Severide could even decide what he thought.
While Severide thought and wondered about Casey, the Truck Lieutenant was busy installing a brand new window in Gabriela Dawson's apartment, while the paramedic cooked something delicious smelling in the kitchen.
"It's perfect," she sighed, handing Casey a beer she'd brought over. "Even the view is better," she said, gesturing to the boring brick wall that lay just beyond the closed window.
Before Casey could respond he noticed the smoke that was starting to form in the kitchen and the spitting noises the pot she'd left simmering was making. He nodded to it and she whirled around, hurrying over to save their dinner. Casey followed her over, slowing when he noticed a chalk board mounted to the wall and decorated with pictures around the edge.
"Who do we have here?" he asked, eyes tracing over the young faces peering back at him. He'd always known he wanted kids but over the last couple of years Casey had finally realised that he wanted them soon. He tried to ignore the pang deep in his chest as he remembered that when he had always pictured having kids, it was always Severide by his side.
Dawson turned the burner down and joined Casey. "That's my cousin's kid, Maria," she said, pointing to an angelic girl at the top who was missing her two front teeth. "She just started ballet class, and she's so adorable. The one next to her, that's Antonio's brainiac son, Diego, don't know where he gets it, honestly. Then the twins, Freddy and Carla."
Casey's eyes caught on a photo in the bottom corner, the only one that looked not to be Dawson's family. He smiled at the familiar sight of his candidate. "You his aunt, too?" he joked.
Dawson smiled slightly but it didn't fully reach her eyes. "We just hang out sometimes."
It surprised Casey sometimes that despite how they lived in close-quarters every third day, he could still learn new things about his colleagues. "Oh yeah?"
Dawson shrugged, eyes on the photo. "Well, he knows all the best dive restaurants in the city." She turned back to the pot before Casey could say anything more. Dawson turned back after a moment with a spoonful of a red sauce. "Here, try this."
"Ok." Casey leaned forward to taste the food but Dawson hesitated.
"Careful though, it's a little spicy," she said, biting her lip.
Casey scoffed good-naturedly. "I can take it." He took the proffered bite and nearly moaned at the taste flooding his mouth, the spices intense but not too much and flavour bursting on his tongue. "So good," he sighed, swallowing.
Dawson grinned. "Yeah? You like it?"
Casey could only nod as he closed his eyes and savoured the taste. When he opened them again, Dawson's own eyes were on his face. She noticed him looking and jumped, eyes darting away and a blush darkening her cheeks. Casey swallowed and didn't comment. Maybe he should have, made a joke of it or something but the moment had passed and then Dawson was grabbing her phone.
"Here," she said, unlocking it. "Let's take a picture for my wall."
"Sure," Casey said easily. He stepped a fraction closer to her and curled an arm loosely around her waist as she shuffled closer and held the camera up. They both smiled, the camera flashed, and the picture was taken but Dawson didn't step away. Casey turned to her, question dying on his lips when he saw her dark eyes and how they flickered down to his lips.
He stepped back and cleared his throat awkwardly, about to ask when dinner would be ready when his own phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to read the waiting text.
Severide: I need you at the house. It's Vargas.
The text was short but chilling and Casey was already heading for the door before he could think about it. Dawson glanced up and frowned.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry, I've got to go. Severide needs me." Casey could have stayed to explain, Dawson deserved that but he was already too preoccupied with Severide and all the bad things that could happen the longer he stayed. He didn't wait to hear her response, and later he would resolve to make it up to her later but for now Severide needed him.
The drive over was pure torture. Dawson didn't live too far from the house but every minute that ticked over and Casey wasn't at the house yet, he'd found a new, terrible thing that could have happened.
He pulled up at the curb of the firehouse with a screech and was taking off inside almost before the car was fully turned off, ignoring the calls off first shift as he sped past. He'd seen them on the roof and his stomach was churning. If Vargas jumped, Casey couldn't even stomach the thought. And Severide, Casey's stomach spasmed, if Severide tried to stop him and they both got pulled over. Casey burst through the door at the bottom of the stairwell and took the stairs three at a time.
He slowed when he reached the top, knowing that scaring them - either Severide or Vargas - could only in disaster and quietly edged out the open door and onto the roof. Vargas was standing on the edge of the roof, looking down at the ground while Severide hovered uncertainly behind, torn between wanting to yank him down and worried he might spook him into jumping.
"Vargas, you got to stop playing, man," Severide was saying.
Even though Casey hadn't made a noise, Severide's head turned and their eyes met, Casey noting the relief in Severide's distantly. Severide held up a hand silently, telling him to go slow and Casey nodded his agreement as Vargas turned on the ledge, catching sight of Casey for the first time.
"Hey, buddy," he said carefully as he wandered closer, trying to look nonchalant. His voice sounded tight and desperate even to his own ears. "What's going on?"
"This is so messed up," Vargas murmured, glancing over his shoulder at the drop again.
Thinking as one Severide and Casey both stepped closer.
"Why don't you move away from the edge there, Vargas?"
"I've been telling him," Severide said, voice purposefully casual as he inched closer while Vargas' attention was on Casey. "He keeps living the rest of his life the way he fought fires, he'll have a hell of a lot to be proud of."
Severide distracting him bought Casey a few more moments to also step closer. It was a technique they sometimes used to distract suicidal victims from jumping while a pair got closer but it was difficult because it had to be done seamlessly or the victim could be spooked into moving. It was a technique Casey and Severide had never had a problem mastering together.
"Remember the Homewood fire? We lost the house, and Vargas saves the family photo album? But here's the thing I never told you. The mum thanked me after it was all over." Casey knew he was babbling but he just had to fill the silence with something meaningful while he and Severide closed the small gap separating them from Vargas. Severide's nod was encouraging. "You know what she said? She said, 'the house was made out of wood. But the home was made out of the people in that book.'" They were so close Casey could almost feel Vargas' jacket. "Firehouse 51 is made out of you and me and Severide and every firefighter that passes through those gates. Nothing can take that away from you."
Vargas' face crumpled and he swayed on the spot, reaching for Severide who was there, Casey beside him to grab Vargas and lead him off the edge. The tears were pouring down Vargas' face as he was cradled between Casey and Severide, the former holding him upright so he could say one final thing.
"51 is always going to be your house."
Vargas sobbed and the three of them slid to the ground, Vargas trembling and shaking between them. Exhausted, emotionally and physically, Casey leaned over until his forehead was resting against Severide's, both their eyes closing as they comforted Vargas. He didn't know what this was between them, that pull he felt towards Severide and no one else in the world, the pull that hadn't dimmed over time and maybe never would. He didn't know what it was but he was glad if he had to go through this, he was doing it with Severide. They'd have to come down eventually, call Boden, tell him what happened but for now they could just sit and comfort a mourning man with the only other person they felt completely safe with.
Wow, so we're getting to the business end of this fic and guess what I've only got one more chapter to actually write and three that are ready to be posted so hopefully updates should be more frequent these last few chapters.
Question this update is: what is your favourite episode? Mine would probably be A Coffin That Small, because even though it is a really sad episode I think it was shot really beautifully and has soooo many nice moments between the characters.
Finally I hope you liked the chapter and let me know what you thought and what you're looking forward to in the coming chapters.