Talking to his mother was never easy and Casey had accepted that it probably never would be. Too much separated them now, time, distance, his father. But still he made an effort because this was the woman who had defended him even if he didn't agree with her methods.
"You look good,"she said, eyes raking over her youngest. "You look really good. I'm so proud of you."
Casey smiled a bit. He was used to hearing it, she told him every time he came to visit her, how proud she was of her firefighter son. She hadn't been there to see him graduate the academy however, nor high school, she'd already been in prison by then.
"How's Hallie?" she asked after a moment.
"We broke up," he said, not really wanting to talk about it.
"Oh. Well you weren't with her very long were you?" She said as though she'd forgotten about the three years they'd been together before.
"A couple of months this time," he agreed.
Nancy blinked and nodded. "Right. Well I never liked her anyway. I much preferred that other young man you were with, Kelly." Casey flinched at the mention of Severide thinking of what Hallie had accused him off before she'd broken up with him.
"Do you talk to your sister?" Nancy asked before Casey had to think up a response.
Casey shrugged, thinking of the past few weeks when he'd seen his sister twice, the closest sightings in a long time. "Not really."
"Well the reason I'm asking is my hearing's coming up."
Casey thought he knew where this was going and felt himself stiffen. "I know," he said hollowly.
"And I thought maybe this time, I've been thinking about this a lot, Matthew. I thought maybe you could talk to her."
Casey shifted and stalled. "It's still hard for her."
Nancy's voice was unrelenting. "It's hard for her?"
And Casey wanted to yell yes, of course it's still hard for her. Her father was murdered by her mother. But Nancy continued before he had to stop himself.
"Look, I need to turn the page on this too, you know? When am I gonna be allowed to do that stuck in here?"
"Maybe you should've thought of that before you killed dad." The words were out before Casey could think better of them but he couldn't bring himself to regret them even after seeing the look of hurt on his mother's face. She, after all hadn't been the one who'd had to identify the body of his own father. Still he felt a pang of guilt when his mother's eyes grew hard and she stood from the table without another word, stalking away from him. Still he didn't call after her, refused to reduce himself to that, just stood himself and left the room.
The guilt he felt over ignoring Severide's calls increased tenfold when he saw the increasingly panicked texts lined up on his phone and finally a clinical one from Boden.
Boden: Ambo got into an accident. Shay and Dawson at Lakeshore. Dawson okay, Shay unknown.
Casey's heart lurched up to his throat and he ripped his I.D badge free, tossed it onto the desk and ran out to his truck. He took the time to type out one message and sent it to both Boden and Severide.
Casey: I'm on my way.
It was the worst feeling in the world to get that call from Boden. His words clashed like metal on metal with the words Shay had thrown at him before she'd left.
I'm out.
Shay's been in an accident.
I'm out.
It's a head wound.
I'm out.
They don't know how bad.
I'm.
Not sure if she's going to make it.
OUT!
Severide managed to keep the ragged sobs at bay until he got to the hospital, although he wasn't sure how he made it there in one piece or without being pulled over for the illegal speeds he was driving at. As it was, he arrived just after the ambulance, walking in just in time to see her get wheeled away.
"Is that her?" he asked and even he can hear the rough demand in his voice and under that pure fear. "Is that Shay?"
"Let them do their job," Boden said, catching him as he tried to shove past. "Kelly!"
"I want to see her."
"Right now, there is nothing you can do."
"What- what are they talking about- what are we looking at? She's got a head injury?"
Severide's brain was all over the place and he could barely focus on Boden, eyes drifting back to Shay's prone form every few seconds, let alone formulate a question. But finally he got enough out for Boden to understand.
"How bad is it?" he croaked.
"I don't know," he said, voice sombre. "I don't know."
There was nothing left to do but watch Shay disappear down a hallway and wait and everything left Severide. His knees collapsed from under him and it was only Boden's sudden hand on his jacket that kept him upright. He fell into Boden's solid shoulder, letting out on ragged sob as he waited to find out if he was losing another friend because of his damned job.
Fifteen agonising minutes crawled by as house members slowly turned up until finally the entire house was crowded into the waiting room, only Casey missing. What was worse was they hadn't even heard from him despite numerous calls and texts being sent out. Severide, chewing on his bottom lip fired off another panicked text despite knowing that he probably was being ridiculous. He'd only stopped calling incessantly five minutes ago when he'd remembered that Casey was visiting his mum and wouldn't have his phone on him.
Severide had grown up being self-relying and independent and it surprised him how much he'd grown to depend on Casey in tough situations such as this. It was a relief to finally get his return message, short but comforting.
Still it was another ten minutes before they got any sort of news and another twenty before Casey got to the hospital, by which time Severide had just about worn a hole in the waiting room floor. He only stilled when he heard the slap of sneakers on the tiles. A few heads glanced up when Casey appeared, flushed and out-of-breath but most were absorbed in their own thoughts.
Not Severide.
Something in his face must have crumpled at the welcome sight of his friend because Casey stepped up to meet him and folded him into his embrace. Severide let himself get pulled into the familiar warmth of Casey and buried his face in the crook of his neck, inhaling the comforting scent of Casey: the earthy smell of a cabin in the woods, the subtle hint of his aftershave and underneath that a faint hint of smoke. Severide couldn't bring himself to care that the whole house was probably watching him and would have something to say about it in the coming days. All he could care about right now was that Casey was here and although that didn't change the fact that Shay was somewhere bleeding, it still made all the difference in the world.
"What have we heard?" Casey asked over his shoulder, presumably to Boden who answered.
"Moderate traumatic brain injury."
Under his hands, Severide felt Casey's shoulders relax at the word moderate before tensing all over again at traumatic.
"They've located the brain swelling, so they're going to do an M.R.I., try to determine the extent of the damage."
"If there's anybody who can find a way to rally, it's Shay," Mouch said, sounding calm. He'd been in that very position numerous times before and probably knew better than anyone that there was no point reacting until they got concrete news.
"And Dawson's all right?"
"Laceration to her leg but other than that, she's fine."
"And the other driver, this tow truck, was he D.U.I?"
Casey felt Severide shake his head slightly but it was Otis who answered.
"No. Breathalyser came up negative."
"It was a stupid, freak thing," Mills added. "Truck blew a tire."
Severide finally felt calm enough to step away from Casey. He still didn't turn to face the rest of the house, not with his mouth tight with worry and eyes glassy.
"Shay's family?" Casey asked him.
"Mum's in Tacoma. Dad in Baton Rouge. I've left messages for both."
Boden stood before his house and addressed them calmly. "Every thought, every prayer needs to be directed down that hallway."
After that the waiting room lapsed into silence as they waited for further news. Casey caught Severide's eye again and indicated with a jerk of his head, the corridor just off the waiting room. The pair left without a word, walking along until the found a pair of chairs a little way away. Casey immediately took Severide's between his own and began to rub them. Usually that was Severide's job since he ran a little warmer than the average person and Casey was perpetually cold but he realised with a jolt that he was shivering even with the hospital's heaters. He'd left in such a hurry after receiving Boden's call that he'd only thrown on an old t-shirt under his leather jacket. Casey didn't say anything as he methodically rubbed the warmth back into the digits, just waiting until Severide was ready to speak.
"We fought just before she went on shift," was all he got out before the dam broke and the tears he'd been holding back since hearing the news spilled down his cheeks. There weren't many people Severide would let himself cry in front of and they were both in the hospital; the one he was crying over and the other was slowly curling a hand around the back of his neck and drawing his face to his chest so he could finally let it all out.
The energy next shift was oddly subdued, no one was talking, the television was on mute and an hour in, no one had moved much. Casey was worried about Severide who was sitting at the table in the rec room and staring into space while his fingers played idly with the corner of the newspaper.
Herrmann's voice jolted them out of their reverie, "This house needs a run. Big-time."
That was the general consensus but no one voiced their agreement. Then Dawson came through the doors and it was as though her presence sent an electric jolt through the place. Everyone got to their feet to hug her in greeting, the first time they'd seen her since hearing off the accident; she'd been held up in the hospital long after they'd all gone home.
Severide hovered just outside the group surrounding her. "Shay?" he asked.
Dawson's slight smile slipped. "She's still in the I.C.U., but the brain swelling's subsided, and she won't need surgery or the I.C.P. catheter. They're hoping she's out of the woods."
"I just spoke with Chief Hatcher," Boden said. "In the absence of Shay, candidate Peter Mills will fill in the vacated post in an E.M.T. capacity."
In the kitchen, Mills' cooking slowed as he glanced up.
"For how long?" Dawson wanted to know.
"'Till Shay's back in this house."
Dawson and Mills both nodded shortly and Dawson left to get changed out, Boden ambled back to his office and the others slowly returned to their activities but with a little more energy as though they had been physically invigorated by the news of Shay.
"Hey, hey," Otis said suddenly, peering down at the paper in his hands intently. "Finally some good news. Listen to this. That fire on North Hamlin guess who the body was. 'The Chicago medical examiner identified it to be that of Manuel 'Flaco' Rodriguez, purported leader of the street gang, Insane Kings, wanted for a string of unsolved West Side murders, said a C.P.D spokesman'."
All eyes turned on Cruz, whose brother they all knew had been having trouble getting out of that life. A bad feeling started to grow in the pit of Casey's stomach.
"So long, Flaco," Mouch said. "God has spoken."
"I don't throw the word 'karma' around a lot, but that's exactly what that is, my friends, with a capital 'K'," Herrmann added.
When Cruz didn't smile or so much as lift his eyes from the table in front of him, the bad feeling intensified and Casey found himself speaking.
"Your brother can breathe easy, Cruz. So can you."
Cruz finally looked up and met his eye and Casey saw a glimpse of the worry there. Cruz's following smile and bright response also seemed off. Casey's stomach churned and when he turned to glance at Severide, maybe to see if he had caught the same thing he was surprised to see that he'd slipped off.
Across the house, Severide caught up with Dawson.
"Hey, Dawson," he said hurrying after her.
"Hey," she said slowly, carefully and Severide wanted to curse. Evidently Shay had told her about their fight, he just didn't know how much she knew.
"What else did the doctors say?"
Dawson shrugged. "It'a head injury. But they're hoping to get a better indication of where's she at in the next 24 hours." Severide sighed slightly and nodded but Dawson must of seen something in his face because she added, "Hey, she was looking a little better."
Severide went to nod again but his brain short-circuited as he processed her words. "You saw her?" he asked her, remembering how he'd been turned away everytime he'd asked and wondering why Dawson had been let in to see her. "They told me no visitors."
Dawson's lips twisted as she frowned. "I wasn't a visitor. I was getting examined myself," she said snidely before brushing past him.
Severide ducked his head, cursing himself for not thinking of that. He hurried after her, touching her on the elbow gently. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know where my head's at. How are you doing?"
"Great," she said sarcastically, avoiding his eye. "Thanks."
Severide looked at her imploringly. "The thing is, me and Shay had a disagreement right before she went on shift."
"Yeah, I know. She asked if she could stay at my place for a while."
Severide balked at the thought of Shay going home to a strange apartment and shook his head. "Yeah, but in light of things, maybe she should come back home after she's discharged. I'll take care of her." After everything he'd put her through, he owed her that much.
Dawson's lips thinned and the incredulous look was back. "I mean, that's her call to make. But I'm not really worried about that right now."
Severide's head was pounding from the conversation and his shoulder was starting to ache for no other reason than to make his already bad day worse.
"Of course," he agreed. He tried to explain the clawing urge inside him to make sure his best friend was protected but all that came out was a weak, "I just want her to be okay."
"Yeah me too," Dawson said petulantly, making it sound like Severide was implying she didn't.
He had to walk away then because it seemed like she was intent on picking a fight with him. He'd never been as close with Dawson as Casey or Shay were but he'd never seen her to be quite so quarrelsome.
He slipped into the locker room, glad to see it was empty and quickly unlocked his locker, snatching the half-empty packet of pills from the shelf. But instead of immediately downing two like he usually did he found himself sitting down to consider the packet. This was the reason Shay wanted to move out, this was the thing standing in between him and Casey. His neck throbbed insistently and hating himself he pushed out two of the pills and swallowed them.
"Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, woman trapped from unknown cause."
Firefighters all over the house scrambled upright and to their trucks, pulling on their gear and rolling out to the scene. A civilian woman met Casey as he jumped from the cab of 81, explaining as she lead him over to the massive hole in the ground.
"The ground just collapsed."
"Okay," he told her, holding her back from moving any closer with a hand to her shoulder while Severide hustled away several other bystanders.
Together they approached the edge of the hole, peering in where gravel and dirt was still pouring down.
"We've got a sinkhole," Severide reported. He turned to his guys, "I need you to get these cars out of the way in case of a secondary collapse and then I need all the boards we've got."
"I tried to get close," the woman said as Casey and Severide returned to their trucks. "But the ground started to pour in."
"She your neighbour?"
"Our mail lady."
While the Squad company worked on moving the nearby cars out of the immediate area, the truck firefighters brought over the first of the boards, covering the area around the sinkhole with them. Severide threw himself down on one and peered over the edge to get a look at the victim. Teary brown eyes looked back.
"Please help me."
"I'm Lieutenant Kelly Severide, Chicago Fire Department," Severide said calmly. "We're gonna work on getting you out. What's your name?"
"Sylvia," the woman replied through a sob. "I need to get out of here," she said, glancing around at the dirt pouring in around her. "It's getting hard to breath." A deep cough punctuated her statement.
Severide rolled over to address the men. "Hey! Air struts and shoring, right now."
"Call the Chief," Casey added.
Mouch and Cruz were running over in no time with a board each and instantly both lieutenants knew it wouldn't be enough.
"Is that all we got?" Severide glanced back into the hole but it only confirmed his initial reaction.
"That won't be enough," Casey said.
A rumble from inside the hole had everyone scrambling to retain their footing on the quaking ground and Severide peered over the edge to see great, chunks of cement come away from the walls, nearly hitting Sylvia.
"Get me more boards," he yelled.
"Grab anything you can get," Casey instructed, leading the charge into any yards with wooden fencing.
They took chainsaws to the fences, apologising shortly to complaining homeowners and soon enough they had a small stack of boards. Then it was a matter of using them and anything else including ladders from the trucks to stabilise the hole while Cruz raised the aerial overhead. While the finished touches were being put onto it, Severide tossed a pair of safety glasses down to Sylvia.
"Hey, put these on to protect your eyes."
The last strut was levered into place and on Boden's okay, Severide climbed down one ladder to check the shoring
"All right, Chief. We're good to go," Severide called up and Casey was immediately on the ladder, paramedic jump bag on his back and climbing down.
"I can't breathe," Sylvia rasped.
"Got something for you," Casey promised, opening the bag to withdraw the oxygen mask and pulled it over her face. While he encouraged her to suck in the oxygen, he and Severide dug her out of the dirt that had sealed around her. When they were done, a line was dropped in and secured her into place, all the while cement and dirt rained down on their heads.
"Get her out of here now," Severide yelled, choking on a gasp as dirt clouded their noses and mouths.
"Come on, come on," Casey was muttering under his breath as he took the hit as another hunk of cement broke away.
Up on the ground Boden was yelling orders and they knew time was fast running out. Finally, though Sylvia was lifted out and they watched her go, making sure she was safe before they even thought about getting out themselves. Severide clapped a hand on Casey's shoulder.
"Let's get out of here."
They scrambled up the ladder, choking on dirt and slipping on the rungs until they were finally out of the hole and lying gasping on the ground by the edge. But they weren't there for more than a moment before hands were on them grasping their jackets and hauling them further out of the danger zone while Boden took care of Sylvia. Boden got her unhooked her from the line and passed her trembling form off to waiting paramedics before going to his lieutenants and offering them both a hand up.
"Good work," he praised them, clapping a hand to each of their shoulders.
Severide's neck ached as Squad 3 drove to the hospital. They'd received word that Shay was awake and alert and although the whole house wanted to go, only the squad and ambulance were allowed to make a detour on their way home. And Severide's body ached the entire way there. The drugs he'd taken before the call felt like they were doing dick all but more than that Severide was nervous. He'd never, not for a second felt so unsure of himself but right now, on his way to see Shay we was terrified that she was being honest when she said she was done with him. He didn't know if he could survive losing her too.
Dawson's ambulance was already there when they arrived, Mills visible in the front seat and Severide grabbed the flowers they'd stopped to get and headed up. He caught up with Shay's doctor out in the hallway and although he was itching to see her, he also wanting to know honestly how his girl was doing. When he appeared at the doorway to knock he could see Dawson sitting on the edge of her bed and a sliver of Shay's bruised face.
Her voice was raspy when she greeted him with a simple, "Hey."
"You're up," he said with a smile, handing her the flowers before reaching down to kiss her non-bruised cheek.
"More or less," she said, waving at the bed slightly. "They're so beautiful, thankyou.," she said gazing at the flowers, even though other bouquets decorated the rest of the room.
"Well they're from everyone at 51," Severide said. "We miss you there."
He shot a glance at Dawson, silently asking her to give them space. The look he received in response was flat and unimpressed. And he got it, he did. It was the first time since the accident that anyone had seen Shay not covered in blood but there were some things he needed to say to her and he'd rather he didn't have an audience when he said them. Dawson seemed to get the hint and although she didn't look happy about it she mumbled an excuse about needing to get back to the house and dropping by later and left.
"It'll be good to get you home," he said lightly, taking Dawson's seat on the edge of her bed. "The place feels really empty without hipster music blasting from your room," he said with a laugh.
Shay smiled slightly. Then she gripped his shoulder as if she was bracing him and her smile faded. "I'm still gonna stay with Dawson, Kelly. I think the way we left it is best."
It felt as though there was a lump in his throat and no matter how much he swallowed nothing was getting rid of it.
"I know," he croaked and coughed and cleared his throat. "I know I've been a really shitty friend lately Shay but I need you-"
"I'm tired, Kelly," Shay said suddenly, pressing her eyes shut tight. "Maybe it would just be better if you went back to the house."
Severide's heart thundered in his chest and there was almost nothing he wanted less than to walk out of that room because he had the horrible feeling that he was losing chances to save this friendship. But Shay's eyes were still closed and her face was stubbornly turned away and the last thing he wanted was to upset her when she'd only just starting to get over her injuries.
So he stood, bent to kiss her gently on the forehead and whispered, "I'll come back and see you a little later, okay?"
Shay's eyes flickered open, but her gaze was faraway and directed towards the window that overlooked the Chicago skyline. "Maybe it's better if you don't."
Severide wasn't surprised to find Dawson waiting for him outside but after Shay's last verbal punch to the gut he wasn't in the mood to deal with her and whatever her problem was.
"Let me know if you hear any more updates," he said as he passed, managing a somewhat pleasant tone.
But he didn't make it more than half a dozen steps from her when she spoke, asking a question that stopped him dead in his tracks.
"Are you high?"
He turned around. "What?"
Dawson stepped closer, perring up at his face carefully. "You've got pinpoint pupils."
"Are you out of your mind?"
"You didn't answer the question."
"I'm worried about Shay," Severide spat, more offended than he knew he had any right to be considering the painkillers coursing through his system. "Is that okay with you?" He strode off before she could answer.
Back at the house Herrmann was pacing the length of the rec room while he fiddled obsessively with his phone, driving everyone, including Casey crazy. He was close to signing with a investor who was willing to put the 30 grand he needed into his limousine company. Success was close for once but rather than salivating over it as everyone had expected him to, he was practically vibrating with nerves.
"Herrmann relax," Casey ordered as the man in question completed another lap of the room.
"I can't, okay? I got a lot riding on this. Me and Cindy, we just need 5 grand more to make the down payment, so we can move the hell out."
Casey was tempted to loan it to him himself if it meant that Herrmann would stop pacing.
"I thought you got along with your father-in-law," Mouch asked, looking away from the television for a second. His eyes slid right back.
"You want to drastically alter your relationship with your father-in-law? Move in with him. Used to be that I was a fireman hero. Now he treats me like I'm Mr. Frickin' Belvedere."
"You're putting too much pressure on yourself," Casey told him.
Capp appeared in the doorway before Herrmann could answer telling him that the Mr Ebbott he'd been waiting for, was outside.
Without Herrmann there wearing a hole in the linoleum and distracting him with his nerves, Casey could finally concentrate on the paper in front of him. But then Otis' voice suddenly broke the quiet.
"Say Lieutenant, it's been awhile since you and Hallie broke up right. You thinking about getting back into the saddle any time soon?"
Casey looked up slowly to regard his company member. He had no idea what to make of the question, nor how to answer it; sure their house was closer than most but he had never had someone be so blatant with him. He looked slowly to Capp who was statue still at the coffee machine to Mouch who was frantically signalling for Otis to shut up. Too late he realised that Casey was looking and he dropped his hand. Understanding lit up inside Casey.
"What's the pool up to?"
Otis' mouth dropped open for a second then he was scrambling for something to say. "Pool? What pool?"
"The one on when I'll start dating again," Casey said, voice unimpressed as he folded up his newspaper and stood.
"Oh," Otis said dumbly while Mouch rolled his eyes. "That pool."
"Yeah that pool," he said, smacking the firefighter over the head as he passed on his way out. "Nice try though." Chuckling to himself, Casey headed back to his office.
Changing his mind halfway there, Casey changed course to head for the locker room where there was a book waiting for him that he'd been meaning to read for a while. He walked in and spied the familiar form of Dawson, head ducked as she hunched over her leg.
"Hey," he said, passing her as she pressed the bandage back into place.
"Hey," she said back.
Things had been awkward between them since the Christmas party and the almost kiss and Casey didn't think they'd said more than a dozen words in the week since, most of them being pleasantries as they passed in the hall.
"So Shay's good, huh?" Casey said as he spun the dials of his lock, trying to make an effort. Shay was safe, neutral ground.
"Well, she still has some recovery left to go, but we definitely got lucky," Dawson said as she rummaged around in her own locker.
"What about you? Should probably have taken a couple days off."
"Right," Dawson said with a slight smile. "Like you would have."
Casey smiled tightly and closed his locker, tucking his book under his arm as he turned to her. "Look, uh about the Christmas party. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, or made you think… " Casey stuttered out even Dawson blushed and became thoroughly engrossed in her locker contents. "It's just you're one of my closest friends and I don't want to risk what we have."
"Got it," Dawson said with her own tight smile. "It's fine, I get it and honestly I've already forgotten about it."
The lie was transparent but Casey wasn't about to call her on it. Fortunately for them the bells went off calling Dawson out and saving them from any further awkward conversation.
"Glad we cleared this up," Dawson said and turned on her heel, leaving Casey to watch her go.
The drama of Shay and Dawson's accident had pushed Casey's visit with his mum right to the back of his mind. But once things calmed down again he bucked up the courage and called his sister asking if he could come over. He'd been serious when he'd told his mother it was her own fault she was in jail and it was; but he was still her son and he loved her so if there was a chance he could get her out he was going to try.
It had been nearly a year since he had been anywhere near his sister's house and even then he hadn't gone inside, choosing to speak with her on the doorstep rather than intrude on a family he wasn't sure he was even a part of. So it was odd for him to walk in and sit in a kitchen that had changed surprisingly little since the last time he'd been there, watching as his sister went about making them coffee.
"This thing always catches," she huffed as she struggled with a stubborn cupboard door.
"You should look into getting it fixed."
"Yeah," Christie said half-heartedly, pulling down two mugs. "Unfortunately, Jim's dangerous with tools. If only I knew a contractor," she teased and flicked on the coffee machine, sending it whirring to life.
"Thanks for having me," Casey said. "I wanted to talk to you about something."
Christie's expression was blank but not hard and Casey knew she wasn't totally pissed at him yet. "Let me guess."
"Just wondering if maybe you'd be willing to dial it back this time."
"This coming from you or her?"
"From me," Casey said, hating the lie. "She'd be on parole," he continued when Christie didn't look convinced. "There would still be restrictions in place."
"She could've asked for help," she shot back. "She could've moved far away from him. But she didn't. She killed him." His sister's voice wavered on the word 'killed' and Casey instantly wanted to change the subject to something less painful. Something less likely to drive a wedge further between them.
"I realise that, Christie," he said instead. "I was the one to identify the body," and he was surprised to hear his own voice shake.
They both fall silent. It's not something they ever talked about much. About what is was like for Casey, fifteen years old at the time to wake up in the middle of the night only to find his mother gone and police at the door telling him she'd turned herself in after murdering his father. About what is was like to stand there and watch as they'd peeled back the sheet and choke out that that was him. That was his dad.
Sure she had lost her parents same as him. But she'd been across the country at school while he sat in an investigation room, wondering what the hell was going to happen to him next.
"I was there," he said finally. "You were in a campus dorm on the other side of the country. I heard all the things he said, about her, about me, about you. I saw him belittle her. Break her. And she's paid the price. 15 years ago? I'm not having this conversation." Casey looked to his sister imploringly.
Tears had filled her eyes as Casey had spoken and with a great shuddering sigh she laid her palms flat on the countertop. "Nothing excuses what she did."
"I'm not asking you to forget. Just to let us move on."
Casey didn't leave with the mum issue sorted out but he did leave with an invitation to dinner the next night and that was okay because it was a start.
Royce, who had been out of town on business the last few days, was back in town and to forget himself and Dawson's accusatory glare, Severide found himself driving over there to surprise her with takeout and sex. The former was quickly forgotten for the latter and after a fun tumble they ended up naked and wrapped up with a blanket on the lounge.
"Damn, I'm glad you're back in town," Severide murmured, kissing idly at her bare shoulder.
Royce hummed in pleasure and stretched like a cat enjoying the sun. "Me too. I was in Madrid," she added, her voice growing serious.
"How often do you have to go there?" Severide asked.
Royce was quiet for a moment and Severide felt his heart start to sink. When she finally spoke her voice was reluctant, "This was for an interview, actually, for a promotion."
"You taking it?" Severide asked and smiled slightly.
"I am."
"When?"
"They need me there next week."
Severide's hand shifted against her waist as though he wasn't sure if he wanted to pull her closer or push her away.
"You know, it's funny," Royce continued shifting closer before he had to make a decision. "'Cause we've only dated a couple of times, but I don't know, it just feels like longer, doesn't it?"
She was looking at him so damn hopefully and Severide hated himself because he couldn't say he felt the same way. This had always been something fun for him to take his mind off the fact that he loved someone he couldn't have and Royce had known that. He'd thought that Royce had known that. Maybe if the circumstances had been maybe what he felt for her could've grown into more.
"My stomach's been in knots just thinking about telling you," she confessed quietly, pressing her forehead to his chest. Royce shifted, rolling Severide onto his back and sitting back on his thighs so she could peer down at him.
"Do you get any vacation time?" she asked playing idly with his fingers.
"A little," he said. "Here and there." He was overplaying it. He only really got vacation time when he requested it and then it was only a week here and few days there. But he didn't want to crush her anymore so he kept it to himself.
"So, would you think about coming out to visit me?" she asked trying to sound coy but Severide could see the fear in her eyes.
"Hey," he said instead of answering, pulling himself upright so he could kiss her quickly. "Congrats, seriously."
Royce's mouth slowly tugged up into a smile and she didn't seem to notice his unsubtle change of subject. "So then, should I pop open a bottle of champagne to celebrate?"
"Absolutely," he said trying to smile. Royce didn't seem to notice because she was slipping out of his lap and letting the blanket slither from around her waist to wander naked through to the kitchen to get them some champagne. Severide watched her go, feeling oddly hollow and wishing he could feel more for her than casual affection.
Cruz had been acting oddly for the last few shifts and Casey wouldn't be doing his job as lieutenant if he hadn't noticed. So he wasn't surprised when Cruz found him at the start of their next shift wanting to talk. Especially after that weird voicemail he'd left on Casey's phone the day of Shay and Dawson's accident.
"What's up, Cruz," Casey said, pushing away the report he'd been working on.
"Lieutenant, I have to talk to you about something," Cruz said sounding unusually grave.
Casey nodded and gestured him further in and swung around in his chair while Cruz took a seat on the end of the bed. Cruz rubbed his hands over his thighs as though he was trying to psyche himself up for something.
"My brother Leon," he began finally. "He might be a screw-up, but he's got a really good heart, you know?"
"Yeah, of course." If anyone knew about screwed up relatives it was Casey.
"And these scumbags, the Insane Kings, you know, he's nothing like them. But they got their hooks in him, and there weren't gonna let him go. When I was in that building, I was checking floors."
Casey's heart sunk and the bad feeling from last shift was back but a million times worse.
"And there he was, you know, Flaco and-"
"Let me stop you right there," Casey heard himself say and he was surprised to hear how calm he sounded even as his stomach twisted painfully and his heart pounded. "If you're about to say what I think you are, then you and me can walk right out this door, down to the police station." Cruz looked at him aghast and Casey felt a stab of guilt at his cool demeanour when it was obviously tearing Cruz up. "Second option is, you sleep on this one more time. Think about why you did it. Or didn't do it. Because I have no idea at this point because you've told me nothing. Sure as hell sounds like your brother got a new lease on life. Next shift come to me and either we go to the cops, or you shake my hand, say good morning and we go about our business. Understand?"
Cruz swallowed thickly and Casey could see the movement it made in his throat. Then Cruz nodded and stood. "I understand, Lieutenant." Cruz left without another word and Casey had to wonder if he'd handled that at all right. But he didn't get much of a chance to ponder it because the next second the bells were going off.
"Truck 81, Squad 3, Battalion 25, Ambulance 61. Traffic accident, University Village Marketplace."
Casey grimaced but pushed himself upright and jogged out the doors. Sitting next to Cruz on the way over they were both quiet, unusual for them but fortunately the trip was short and then they had a mob of angry people to deal with.
Destruction reigned all over the marketplace and it was hard to know where to look; people were on the ground injured, there was a car halfway into a building and people running everywhere. More and more ambulances were pulling up and running to the victims but they were the only firefighter company on scene.
A man ran up to Casey, Severide, and Boden as they were trying to work out where to start.
"He drove right through everything," he told them waving at the car wedged into the wall. "He hit that child and didn't even stop," he added, explaining the angry mob who were surrounding the car.
Newly arriving police officers joined the fray where people had gotten the car door open and were trying to haul the driver out. Boden was quick to send the Truck company in to defuse the situation.
"Severide, get your men on that storefront glass," Boden ordered, pointing to one of the storefronts that looked to have had a victim thrown through it. The man was lying, unconscious or not they couldn't tell, in the mess of the glass and there were large shards that looked like they could break off and fall at any second. Severide nodded and hurried off with Capp and Hadley.
Severide, working with his team, cleared the glass onto a sheet and carried it away, leaving the area free for the paramedics to come in and treat the victim. Hearing the sudden uptick in noise from the crowd they quickly moved away to help the Truck company.
Meanwhile Casey and his company were shouldering there way through the crowd, the men trying to keep the crowd back while Casey knelt at the man's side where he still sat behind the wheel. He turned to Casey but underneath the blood coating his face there was a paleness and glassiness that Casey wasn't quite sure what to make of.
Dawson and Mills swooped in and after checking to make sure there was no spinal injury helped him stand from the car and lead him over to a nearby bench to check him out. But the crowd wasn't giving up that easily and they followed pushing back against the police and firefighter barrier between them.
Casey grunted as he was buffeted by the crowd, torn between defending himself and not wanting to hurt the crowd. Severide's company had joined them but they were still vastly outnumbered and it seemed the longer they stayed there, the angrier the crowd got. Behind him he could hear Dawson talking to the driver.
"How much did you have to drink today sir?"
"I think a bottle," came the mumbled reply.
A man in the crowd suddenly pushed forward, furious. "That man is drunk off his ass."
The man was a good head taller than Casey was and bulkier too but Casey put a hand to his chest and nudged him back anyway. "Stand back and let the paramedics do their job."
The man still looked furious, dark eyes flat with no sympathy but didn't contest Casey's order outright just shifted impatiently. Then a cop nearby spoke.
"We'll need a sobriety test from the drunk."
"I cannot believe this, man," he spat, shoving forward and then Severide was there pushing back with Casey because it was taking both of them to keep him away.
They glanced to each other and shook their heads, just another day at the office. Casey heard Dawson say something about a stroke and fought the urge to curse because the crowd wanted blood. The victim was transferred onto the gurney and they started shuffling the crowd back so they could clear a narrow path to the ambulance.
"Back it up," Casey shouted, pushing back against the unrelenting crowd. Beside Severide was doing the same.
But the man from before wasn't about to move anywhere. "Why should we move?" he asked. The crowd yelled their agreement.
Casey swallowed. "Because he needs treatment."
Casey didn't know if it was the way the guy was riled up or if it was the narrowing of the eyes but he knew something was going to escalate and he saw the punch coming before it did. He ducked out of it's path and delivered his own punch to the guy's kidney incapacitating him just like they were taught to in the academy. Then Severide was there in the guy's face and although Casey could take care of himself he was glad it wasn't going to end in a brawl. That would result in even more paperwork for himself.
"Get back now," Severide practically growled. "Before I knock you on your ass."
"We're not going anywhere," the guy said and he looked ready to stay for the duration. And Casey knew Severide was going to follow through with his threat, especially after seeing him almost take a hit. Thinking fast he turned to Dawson.
"Pass me an I.V." he told her. He could see the question in her eyes but he didn't have the time. Turning back to the Severide and the man who looked about ready to square off any second he said urgently, "Sir."
"What?" he said irritably, glancing at Casey.
"I need your help. We're short on medics right now."
"You're crazy."
Casey ignored him and took the I.V. Dawson had waiting for him. "Hold this I.V. bag high in the air to start the flow of saline," he said offering it to him. He could feel Severide's eyes on him like he was crazy and Casey fought the urge to grin. "We use it to help the victims."
The guy's lips twisted as though he was trying to work out if Casey was messing with him or not. "Really?" he asked quietly. "Pass it here then," he continued with a shrug and took the bag holding it up near his head. "Like this?"
Everyone seemed to freeze as they waited for Casey's answer. Even the crowd had grown quieter.
"Perfect. All right, back up. Let's get some room."
And just like that the guy was on their side helping them push through the crowd and snapping at anyone who didn't move fast enough.
"Nice," Severide grinned as they moved through the quickly parting crowd. Casey returned the smile.
"How's the hand, slugger?"
At the sound of Severide's voice, Casey's gaze jerked away from his bruised hand and up to find a familiar smiling form leaning against a nearby locker. Quick as he could Casey jerked his hand out of sight.
"Fine," he lied.
Severide's smile grew even as he sighed and he stepped closer, sinking onto the bench, straddling it in a mirror position to Casey's own. Their knees barely brushed and something warm shuddered inside Casey, which he promptly ignored.
"Come on, give us a look then."
Sighing Casey withdrew his hand again and offered it to Severide who clucked softly at the sight of the swollen knuckles and already bruising skin.
"Guy had a stomach like a brick wall," Casey grumbled.
"Of course, he did," Severide murmured absently and Casey almost kicked him. Instead he winced as Severide started prodding at his hand, feeling for fractures, despite the fact that Casey had been wearing his gloves at the time.
"You know you didn't have to get in the middle of it like that. I can take care of myself," Casey told him, because Severide and Darden as well had always been overprotective of him, even in the academy. "Even in the academy the only time you let me get into a fight was with Griffin."
Severide smiled fondly. "Still one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen."
Casey rolled his eyes, but he too was smiling fondly. "I wonder sometimes if you ever made it out of puberty."
Severide chuckled and they lapsed into silence as Severide finished his examination. Rather than give Casey his hand back when he was finished however, he laid it down onto his own knee and leaned over to retrieve a small pot of ointment from his locker. Even though Casey didn't think he'd really done all that damage to his hand he let Severide do his mother hen routine.
"Hey Kelly," he said after a while as his friend was rhythmically rubbing the faintly smelling ointment in. "What would you do if you found out that someone you knew had done something really bad? But they were a good person and you knew they had done it for all the right reasons?"
Severide frowned thoughtfully and glanced up at Casey. "I guess I would have to decide whether the good reasons outweighed the bad action."
"And if you decided it was? How do you get over keeping a secret like that?"
Maybe it was his imagination but Casey thought he saw something flicker across Severide's face. But it was gone before he could analyse it and Severide was speaking again.
"Then I guess you have to cut yourself some slack."
For the first time Casey realised Severide had finished with the ointment and their hands were simply linked but he didn't pull away. Severide's palm was warm and familiar in his and that warmth inside him grew with every passing moment they were touching.
"What if it was you who had done the bad thing?" Severide asked, so quietly that Casey thought he'd misheard him for a moment. "What if it was you and you'd hurt a lot of people and you didn't know how to fix it?"
"You'll find a way," Casey murmured back, squeezing Severide's hand slightly.
"How can you be sure," Severide said. He almost wanted to avoid Casey's eyes, afraid that he'd see right through him and to all his secrets within. But he was captivated by those eyes, so blue against the pale skin. "How can you be sure I won't just keep it to myself and keep hurting people."
"Because I know you," Casey said simple as that and squeezed his hand again. He stood finally unlinking their hands and went to walk past Severide. At the last moment he lifted his hand to touch Severide's shoulder, fingers tracing the side of his face gently and just for a moment Severide let himself melt into the touch. "Because I know you, Kelly Severide." And then he was gone.
The shift was over and Severide was heading back to the hospital. He'd bought the goodies, Shay was getting discharged later that afternoon and he was about to put it all out the table for her. And she was either going to accept him or turn him away again. Severide didn't want to lose her as a friend but either way something was going to change.
The bruises were still standing out starkly on her face when he got up to her room. Her instinctive smile as he walked in immediately dropped when she realised who it was and her expression morphed into a careful, blank mask. Severide tried not to let it discourage him.
"Severide, I really don't want to have this fight again," she said, sounding tired.
"And we won't," he promised, holding his hands up surrender style. "I just need to say something and if you still want to kick me out I'll go. Okay?"
Shay's lips pinched together but eventually she nodded. Severide took a deep breath, steeling himself to finally say it. The seconds stretched on but the words refused to come and he could Shay beginning to get fed up when he finally spoke.
"I need help, okay? And I know I don't deserve it after everything I've put you through and what a shitty friend I've been but I need help. I can't keep pretending that everything is fine when it's not and I-" Severide was mildly horrified to hear his voice waver but he pushed on. "I just really need you."
A long beat of silence followed his confession and for a long horrible moment Shay just sat there not saying, with that horrible, blank expression on her face. Then her face softened and she opened her arms. "Come here, you idiot."
The research had been done, the plans had been made, Dawson had been called and Shay had apologised for bailing but had promised that something had changed - not telling her exactly what - and she was ready to go back home. There was only the problem of the wheelchair.
"I am not getting in that thing."
There was a stubborn glint in Shay's eyes that Severide all too well and he sat back down on the bed ready for an argument.
"I'm a paramedic."
But there was a hard glint in the nurses eye as well as he took in his charge's bruised and battered form.
"You're a patient, which means wheelchair to the door."
Shay got in the wheelchair.
"Hardass," she mumbled as the shiny, glass doors to the hospital came into view; not that Severide could see them past all the presents and flowers he'd been left to carry while Shay had just her little potted plant and stack of cards in her lap.
"Take care of yourself," the nurse said cheerfully and Shay stood and shot him one last look over her shoulder as they made their way out.
Casey wasn't sure why he was nervous but maybe it was the fact that he was going to spend an extended period of time with his sister for the first time in a long time. She greeted him with a hug at the door and stepped aside to let him in but there was something he'd been thinking about and wanted to talk to her about first.
"I just wanted to talk to you about the mum thing first."
Christie's eyes were wary but she agreed.
"I realise that one of our problems is we don't talk. And I wanted to tell you, whether or not you're speaking up against mum at the hearing-"
"I will be," Christie said, quietly cutting in.
It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, Casey reasoned. But he'd just thought that for once he'd been making some headway. Still he'd made his decision.
"Well, so am I. And I'm going to argue that she should be paroled. And I respect you and where you're coming from, and I hope you can do the same with me."
There was shock in Christie's face but Casey realised with a jolt that other than that he couldn't read his sister's face at all.
"Can you wait here for a second?" she asked after a moment.
"Yeah."
She slipped back inside and came back with a picture which she pressed into his hands. The face of his niece, Violet smiled back up at him. He looked up at his sister questioningly.
"Violet's school picture," she said of way of explanation. "I was going to give it to you after dinner."
"Christie, please-"
But she'd already slipped back inside and shut the door and after a moment Casey had no choice but to walk away.
At Severide and Shay's apartment things were going much better. Severide was putting the final touches to their pillow and blanket nest on the lounge while Shay squirmed excitedly in her seat and read the back of the DVD Severide had bought for them to watch.
"'An epic arctic hurricane, all-time low king crab supply, and two mutinies aboard ship.' Awesome," she giggled. "See this is why we're best friends," she continued as Severide ducked into the kitchen to get the next part of the surprise. "Kendra, sweet as she is, gets me Pride and Prejudice."
"Nah, I know how to make my girl happy," Severide said proudly.
"Yeah, I mean, get to know me already. What?!" she continued when Severide dumped a carton of ice cream and two spoons in her lap, snagging the DVD to put it in the player. "And mint chocolate chip ice cream?"
"Welcome home," Severide said, flopping onto the lounge beside her as the DVD menu lit up the screen.
Shay drank in a long look of her best friend. "You know I'm gonna be with you every step of the way, right, Kelly?"
Severide nodded and slipped his hand into hers. "I'm meeting with the surgeon next week and they say they can get the whole procedure on the books soon after. And I've got to get Boden involved."
"And Casey?" Shay asked softly.
"Yeah, Matt," Severide said softly. That was going to be the hardest one. To the change the subject he continued. "And I'm going cold turkey with the painkillers."
"But," Shay reminded him. "If you feel like you're going to slip, the union has an employee assistance program for substance abuse."
"Yep."
"I am so damn proud of you, Kelly. And if I were straight, I'd throw the biggest hump into you right now."
They both snorted at the thought before sobering.
"I really don't know what I would've done if anything happened to you," Severide confessed, squeezing her hand in his.
"I feel exactly the same way."
Severide lifted their conjoined hands to press a quick kiss to the back of her hands and not to be outdone Shay did the same to his.
"All right," Shay sighed, as Severide slipped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer and she lifted the remote. "Enough of this feelings stuff. Let's get on with the movie."
Heyo, it's getting late here so my brain isn't working much and so I can't think of much to say. Another chapter down and again I hope I like it. Huge shout-out to everyone who has left kudos or taken the time to leave a comment, I don't think you guys understand how much I appreciate them xx
This chapter's question doesn't have anything to do with CF but I couldn't think of another CF related question: Are you a one episode a week kind of watcher or a binge watch at the end of the season kind of watcher? Personally I always TRY to stay up to date and watch an episode a week but inevitably it seems I end up missing one, then two, then oh well might as well just wait and do a massive binge watch.