Warning: this chapter contains explicit smut. If you don't like it stop reading after "Severide spun them around and pushed Casey against the wall this time." Then control find to "When he was finished, they laid quietly for a long moment,". You don't miss much other than some smut and a little bit of fluff.
Severide was excited to be going to Madrid. Really he was. Or he was trying his best to be. He certainly was excited for the travelling portion of it; growing up it had mainly been just him and his mum, a nurse, who had worked her ass off just to keep them afloat and so any holidays they'd had had been around Chicago or out of state if they were really lucky. So as it was Severide had only been out of the country a handful of times and never to Spain. It was just when he thought about the rest of it that everything dimmed a little. Royce was beautiful, and smart, and funny, and Severide liked being around her and it was all this that had convinced him that going to Madrid was best for him, rather than waiting around and pining over Casey. But it still wrenched at his heart everytime he thought about not seeing Casey and Shay and the rest of the house or running into burning buildings every other day.
Still, since hearing that he was going with her, Royce had been beyond excited and it was hard to put a dampen on her spirits. Her excitement, in fact, was how Severide found himself hitting up all the touristy things in Chicago that he'd always planned to do but never had because as Royce kept saying, when were they next going to get the chance?
On one of her last days in the city, they went up the skydeck to look over the city. Even though it had been her idea, Severide stepped out onto the clear glass ledge first, hands and nose pressed eagerly to the glass and eyes taking in the city that had been his home for the last 31 years hungrily.
It was only when he heard Royce's little gasp that he realised she hadn't followed him out onto the ledge an turned back to her.
"No, no, no, no, no," she protested, even as he grabbed her hand with a wicked grin and tugged her gently out onto the glass. She just about tiptoed out - as though she was worried her dainty frame would somehow break the glass ceiling - and stared about her in an endearing amazement.
Severide's gaze was glued back to the cityscape when Royce handed the camera she'd been assaulting him with all week to a nearby man asking him to take their picture. He turned away from the beautiful sight reluctantly and painted a smile on his face for the camera, slipping an arm around Royce's shoulders and pulling her close.
"Ok, ready?" he asked her, when they were finished and they turned back to the glass. "Apartment fire," he said finger tracing the building. "Ten-car pile up." Royce turned to grin into his throat and he was momentarily distracted by her warm lips on his skin. "Hand caught in a machine," he continued absently, finger skating across the glass. "There's the station. House fire, saved the mother and daughter, lost the father" he added, voice distant as his mind was occupied with memories. "And there's the academy."
Royce must of sensed his melancholia because she broke in with a laugh, "Okay, all right. In Madrid, it is going to be, tapas," she said pointing randomly. "Tapas, dance club and uh, Catholic Church," she finished tugging at the collar of his jacket cheekily.
Severide knew she was referring to the religious medallion he wore around his neck. His mother had been devout catholic and had given him a St. Florian's medal when he'd entered the academy and even though Severide wasn't very religious anymore he still wore it.
Rather than addressing it however he joked, "You think I can dance?"
"Well, I can dance and you can just watch," Royce joked back.
"That I can do," he smiled and slipped an arm around her waist and she melted back into his embrace, both their eyes on the skyline.
Royce grew unusually quiet and when Severide ducked his head to get a glance at her face her eyes had grown contemplative and she didn't seem to notice his scrutiny. Her muscles seemed to tense under his hands.
"What is it?" he asked her softly.
She jolted as though remembering where she was and tipped her head back against his shoulder to look up at him with a small, sad, smile.
"What?" he asked again, softer still.
"I met this doctor."
"A doctor?"
"I just, well when I first heard that your recovery was going to be a year, I put out some feelers to my medical contacts just to make sure you were getting, you know the most accurate diagnosis and it turns out that the Chief of Orthopedics over at River Forest Hospital is involved in some kind of experimental spinal surgery and he's really interested in meeting you."
"Really?" Severide managed to get out, mind already spinning with the possibilities of it.
"Yeah. You know maybe this will help you get to Madrid even sooner."
He pressed her a kissed to her forehead and their eyes drifted back to the glass, Severide's mind firmly on the possibilities of an experimental spinal surgery.
While Severide and Royce were taking in the sights, House 51 were being called out to their first call of the shift, a hardware store that had smoke absolutely pouring out of it by the time they got there.
"Hardware store, not good," Herrmann said as they exited the truck and started heading towards it, and Casey knew they were all thinking off Vargas.
"Cruz, Mills, vent the roof and be careful," Casey barked.
Cruz nodded and hurried off, Mills trailing after him. Cruz understood that a hardware store was full of propane tanks and other accelerants that were bound to blow soon. But they hadn't moved fast enough and the hardware was engulfed in fire for a moment when something exploded inside it. They hit the road out of instinct and waited for it to clear somewhat before they got up again, kicking into overdrive.
"Go, go, go," Casey yelled, knowing they would have to move fast if they wanted to get anyone still alive out of there. He tugged his mask into place and ran into the building, the rest of his company right on his heels.
"Dispatch, be advised, Battalion 25's on scene," Casey heard Boden say into the radio and then he was inside and he had to focus on the fire.
They stumbled on the first victim almost immediately and between Casey and Herrmann they got him out again in no time while the rest of the company went on ahead. They lifted him onto the waiting gurney but didn't go back in yet, waiting for Boden's orders.
"Fire's out, Chief," he heard Capp say. "Looks like another dumpster fire."
The rest of the company made their way back outside, announcing to their lieutenant that the rest of the shop was empty of victims. Casey ordered them to start overhaul and went to join Boden who was staring into the dumpster.
"What are you thinking?" he asked into an undertone, making sure none of the men were around to overhear.
"You remember that kid, Ernie?" Boden asked after a moment, voice equally quiet.
Casey clenched his jaw. Even before the Vargas incident, rumours of the kid being a firebug had been flying around the house and after Severide's scene with the kid it was kind of hard not to remember him. He jerked his head in a nod.
"He called me right before we were called out, said he was in trouble, but he hung up before I could get anything out of him."
Casey pressed his lips into a flatline and squinted into the charred remains of the dumpster. "What are you going to do?" he finally asked. Because he felt for the kid, he really did but they were down a man because of him and Casey had just seen an innocent worker get wheeled away, not breathing and with no pulse again because of him. Who knew how many lives this kid had ruined and possibly ended with his actions.
But Boden, usually wise and all-knowing Boden shook his head at a loss. "I don't know," he confessed. "I don't know what can be done."
The ride back to the house was quiet broken up only when they went to pull inside and the door went up with a resistant screech before jamming halfway. Lucking it was open enough that they could drive in but Casey rubbed at his eyes knowing it would be up to him to get up there and fix it.
Which was exactly what happened as soon as they had gotten changed out of their gear. He got Cruz to reposition the truck directly under one of the brackets and climbed up to work on it while Herrmann, Otis, Mouch, and Mills watched on.
"What's up?" Dawson asked, as she and Shay climbed down from their own rig and joined the crowd around Casey.
"Door's jammed," Otis sighed.
"I told Chief we needed to grease this puppy before the weather turned," Herrmann explained while Casey fiddled with the stubborn fixture.
"And what, he ignored you?" Otis scoffed in disbelief.
"No, he told me to do it," Herrmann admitted reluctantly. "But I forgot. I've been preoccupied," he said pointedly.
"Weren't you and Cindy using protection?" Mouch wanted to know.
Casey cursed as the door remained stubbornly in place, ice and crud blocking it's way and methodically continued to clean it away with a rag.
"We've got four kids, Mouch," Herrmann bit out. "I was counting on my sperm being too tired to make the swim."
Casey and along with the rest of the group snickered, and replaced his rag with a spanner.
"Well," Shay decided, shivering slightly even in her heavy jacket. "I'm gonna head inside and check the levels on the hot chocolate."
"And I'm gonna provide back-up," Dawson added and the pair disappeared into the warm depths of the house.
"You know, my grandmother had this garage door," Otis started, turning to Mills. "And it was always stuck. So one time I tell my brother Nick, 'go inside and grab some butter-'"
As if by silent command Mouch, Herrmann, and even Casey still fiddling with the jammed door raised a hand in the air. Seeing it Otis sighed and stopped mid-sentence.
"What?" Mills asked looking around at them.
"We've got a rule," Herrmann explained flatly. "You tell a story that we've all heard a million times, we raise our hands and you've gotta shut up, no questions asked."
"Yeah, it's actually impolite and insulting," Otis said drily.
"Like that's on us," Herrmann scoffed.
"I haven't heard the story," Mills pointed out.
Otis' eyes lit up but before he could jump back into his story, Cruz walked out of the gym and tapped Mills on the shoulder and nodded at the truck.
"Let's go, Mills."
Any thoughts on Otis' story were abandoned as the candidate scrambled after the firefighter. Otis' face drooped again as he watched them go.
"Where are you guys going?"
"Oh, I asked Cruz to give me driving lessons," Mills said and climbed into the cab of 81.
"Uh, I'm actually next in line to drive 81. You know that. Lieutenant?"
But Casey had a handful of door runner that he almost had running smoothly again and he didn't need to throw in mediating their arguments into the mix.
"Not now, Otis," he said distractedly and wrenched the runner through. Smiling to himself, he tested it, sliding it back and forth and satisfied with it he climbed down again, dusting his hands off on his pants. Turning he fixed a stern look on Herrmann. "I don't want to be doing that again next year, we clear?"
Herrmann grinned cheekily and chucked Casey a salute. "Yes sir."
Before anyone could speak any further a young kid walked up, holding a handful of squirming puppy.
"Hey, I got this dog here, if anyone wants it," he said and looked around at them hopefully.
Mouch took one look at the dog, a little white and brown spotted thing that was gnawing at the poor's kids hand and shook his head decisively. "Don't even think about it. We had a dog over at 80 when I was there and I still have the teeth marks in my ankle to prove it."
"My dad says he's gonna throw her in the river if I don't get rid of hr," the kid told them, biting at his lip.
Mills poked his head through the window of the door and dropped back down onto the floor a second later. "I'll take her," he offered, gathering the puppy up. "I can at least find her a home or something."
"She likes bacon," the kid informed them and with a final pat to the puppy's head he ran off.
"Does she have a name?" Mills called after him but he was already gone. Mills turned to the rest of the group with big brown, doe eyes and Casey suppressed a sigh.
"Go get the chief," he told Herrmann, because he sure as hell wasn't risking annoying the chief with a sudden intruder. No matter how cute she was. "Come on," he continued nodding at the dog. "Let's get her inside and see if we can clean her up a bit." The dog had obviously been doing it tough if her grimy coat was anything to go by.
The dog was an instant hit inside. Dawson and Shay were immediately smitten and the puppy's drooling smile was capable of warming even the toughest firefighter's heart. Only Mouch remained dissuaded. And Boden. Even with Dawson and Shay both pouting and pleading he ordered Mills to find it another home and Casey knew from his hard eyes and tight mouth that he was still thinking of the fire from before.
"I got a call at 67 over at Morningside. They need relief for the next two shifts."
"I'll do it," Otis offered immediately.
"That's the slowest house in the city," Cruz reminded him, looking up from his ipad.
"I'll do it," he repeated and Casey frowned at the zeal in his voice. He had enough to worry about but he added keeping an eye on Otis to the list anyway.
Boden shrugged and accepted the offer and before conversation could continue, Severide came walking through the front doors. Casey straightened in his seat, eyes glued to the familiar form. He hadn't seen or spoken to Severide since he'd had the Madrid bomb dropped on him and had realised the extent of his feelings for the man and had actually been doing his level best to avoid thinking altogether. But he couldn't help the hope that blossomed in his chest at the thought that maybe Severide had changed his mind.
"Finally gonna explain the mysterious disappearance," Capp asked, half teasing, half serious and he echoed the sentiments of the entire room, who were all watching the Lieutenant carefully.
"Well, I thought I'd better tell you all in person, but I'm moving to Spain with Renee."
The words, though expected were again like a punch to Casey's chest and he wasn't the only silent one as Severide waited for a response. Severide's company looked dumbfounded and betrayed while the Truck company merely looked confused. The look on Boden's face told Casey that maybe he'd been left in the dark about that bit.
"My office?" Boden offered after a long, tense minute and left the room without waiting for an answer. With a final half-smile, Severide followed him.
Swallowing roughly, Casey looked back down at his paper, staring blankly as all the words had blurred together.
Boden wasn't one to mince words and as always Severide was grateful. "Between your history with us and your father's distinguished career, I can get you arson investigation. Or the academy. It's your choice."
Despite the generous offer, the thought twisted Severide's stomach as much as the thought of leaving the CFD altogether; he had no interest in working alongside firefighters when he should have had decades longer being one himself.
"I appreciate it, Chief, I do. But I'm leaving."
"Kelly," Boden sighed gently. Severide could count on one hand the number of times Boden had used his given name. "Sleep on it."
"I have," Severide assured him and though Boden didn't look convinced he nodded reluctantly.
"Then we'll be losing a great man," Boden sighed and offered his hand to shake. Severide nodded his thanks. Boden took the other seat in front of his desk and turned to face his soon-to-be-former Lieutenant.
"You haven't told them yet." It wasn't a question, he'd seen the confusion in their faces, knew that even Casey didn't fully understand. And he didn't need to clarify, Boden knew immediately that he was talking about his neck.
"You haven't told Matt yet."
That wasn't a question either but Severide found himself shaking his head to answer it anyway.
"Could you hold off? Just for a few days until I work out how to tell him?"
There was something knowing in Boden's eyes but the man merely nodded. They were silent for a long moment as Boden's gaze grew distracted and Severide frowned.
"You okay?"
Boden sighed wearily. "You were right about Ernie. He called, said he was in trouble, and then he hung up. Right before we responded to another dumpster fire. I don't know where to find him."
Severide leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You tried to help him, Chief," Severide felt it necessary to point out.
"Did I?"
"You reached out to him. You invited him in."
"Severide, I saw him with this man and everything about it felt wrong."
"And you handed it over to the police," Severide shot back, but without malice.
"And what have they done? Nothing."
Sobered by the thought the pair of them lapsed back into silence, both too caught up in their own thoughts.
Shay caught up with him the second he left, an odd look on her face and a strangled note in her voice when she spoke.
"Hey, I must have misheard Capp, because he said something about you going to Spain…" she trailed off, eyes shining hopefully, just waiting for him to contradict her. And for a moment Severide wanted nothing more than to be able to do that, to laugh and slip an arm around her shoulders, to reassure her, anything but disappoint her all over again.
"Yeah," he finally said. "I was gonna tell you this morning, but I missed you."
Shay's face remained carefully blank as she asked, "How long have you know this?"
"A day or two," he said with a shrug.
She shook her head in disbelief but before either of them could speak the bells were going off and Shay was striding off before she was even called. Moving out of instinct, Severide almost followed her before he realised with a jolt that he wasn't needed anymore.
The last call of the shift was to deal with a shotgun-toting man named Baby, the guy Baby shot, and his mother in the early evening, which ended with Baby getting a taser to the leg courtesy of Shay. They didn't get called out for the rest of the night, much to Casey's relief. His thoughts were consumed by Severide and though he knew it wrong he felt unfocused and distracted and it would have destroyed him to see one of his men injured due to his whirlwind of emotions.
He tossed and turned the entire night, unable to quiet his mind from thinking about the lonely months that were to stretch ahead, where half a world would separate him and Severide. It would have been one thing for Severide to stay even if never returned Casey's feelings again but it was another to lose him completely.
The doctor's office at River Forest oozed wealth and privilege and Severide felt more than a little out of place sitting on the leather couch in the spacious office. Royce didn't seem to feel the same, sitting as she was entranced by the doctor and all he had to say even as Severide shifted uneasily on the leather. Absently, Royce's hand lifted to trace gently along the back of his neck, an attempt to comfort him and skin buzzing with unexpected nerves he settled back and tried to concentrate on what the doctor was saying.
"Essentially, we take parts of bone and cartilage from one vertebra and fuse it onto the next," he explained, gesturing on the model spinal column he held in his hands. "And then we inject your own platelets into the area, which increases healing."
Severide found himself nodding even though the concept was still hazy in his mind. It was the doctors next words however, that had him sitting up straight.
"Recovery time could be four weeks instead of one year."
The buzzing under Severide's skin ceased and for the first time it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from his chest and he could suddenly breathe normally again. But even as his body relaxed, his mind continued to whir and he heard himself ask, "How come I didn't hear about this from my other surgeon?"
"This isn't covered by a H.M.O, it's experimental. And I'm not going to lie to you, there are real risks here, including partial paralysis."
Severide's blood ran cold at that and the buzzing returned to his skin joined now by an absent, anxious tap of his hand against his thigh. Royce must of noticed it before her own hand drifted from his neck to clasp it and squeeze it comfortingly.
The meeting wrapped up after that, the doctor telling him to take a couple of days to think it over, and offered him a business card in case he had any more questions, while Severide nodded mutely, those words, partial paralysis, ringing over and over in his ears.
"Partial paralysis?" he asked Royce in disbelief the second they stepped from the office, voice pitched low. Even as he said the words though, at the back of his mind he was weighing up the odds, listing the pros and cons of the surgery.
"I am so sorry," she murmured back, mouth twisting with sorrow. "I guess I didn't realise how risky it was."
"Hey," he said, turning to her. "If I'm gonna risk anything, I'll risk it on you and me in Madrid," he told her, pulling her in for a hug even as the words left a bitter taste in his mouth.
The apartment was quiet as Severide let himself in. Royce had had some last minute work things to wrap up before she left for Madrid in the next couple of days and so Severide had dropped her off at her office before heading home himself. Shay, it seemed was also absent from the apartment and Severide frowned at the deserted apartment; she had been avoiding him since he'd told her he was moving to Madrid and the thought of her being mad at him again turned his stomach.
Making a note to make it up to her somehow later, Severide wandered into the kitchen, opening the fridge only to close it a second later when he decided he wasn't hungry after all. No he wasn't hungry, he was conflicted. In his head everything the doctor had told him churned about and warred with each other.
Recovery time could be four weeks…
Partial paralysis…
Sighing, Severide dug his phone from his pocket and clicked it on, swiping idly through it, looking for a distraction. It was only then that he noticed the voicemail notification and frowning and wondering how long it had been there, Severide clicked on it. The name and time stamp told him that it was from Casey a couple of days ago and suddenly Severide's mouth was dry and thudding. After a moment's hesitation he tapped the play button and held the phone to his ear.
Casey's voice was thick with emotion on the recording and immediately Severide felt his chest tightening at the sound. He listened to the whole message through and mind spinning he remembered that it was Casey's mum's parole hearing that day and so he was faced with a decision.
It didn't take him long to choose however. He'd made himself promise when he'd decided to go to Madrid with Royce that he'd stay away from Casey until he left. He was choosing Royce, he'd rationalised, was a choosing a future with her not Casey and sitting around pining for the man wasn't the way to start that future. But Casey needed him and fuck it if he wasn't going to be there for his friend, feelings or not.
He was already in nice enough shirt from the meeting that he didn't need to change and it was work of only a moment to find a suit jacket to slip on over the top. Then he was getting back into his comaro and racing over to the courthouse. He had no idea if Casey was even still there, knew that this was a whole day, vague time sort of deal but he wouldn't forgive himself if he didn't even try to be there for his friend.
As it turned out, Casey was still there, along with his sister and her husband, and Severide arrived just in time for them to get called in. And he was glad he'd come because Casey looked pale and small sitting on the bench, head tipped back against the wall and Severide knew he had to be feeling conflicted about the hearing. And when Casey spotted him, in that moment he wouldn't have traded the relief that flooded into those pale eyes for anything in the world.
"But why-" Casey tried, but Severide shepherded him into the room, not wanting to risk pissing off the court officials.
"Just got your message," he murmured as they stepped inside. "Figured you'd need some backup."
"Kelly." Casey paused, hand on his arm and smiled at him just so that for a second Severide's breath caught in his throat. "Thank you."
Severide managed a return smile and they took their seats. Of the nine available seats at the front only three were filled by members of the parole board and other than himself, Casey, Christie and her husband, and a court stenographer, the room was empty. Nancy was lead into the room by two officers of the court and Severide felt Casey shift restlessly at the sight of his mother in custody like that, a sight he'd been forced to deal with for fifteen years. Moving out of instinct, Severide wound his fingers around Casey's and squeezed for a second before letting go. And even though the touch was brief he couldn't ignore the way it made his skin tingle; nor could he deny the zip of emotion at Casey's grateful smile.
"Is there anyone present who would like to speak either on behalf of or in opposition to Nancy Annalyn Casey's request for parole?" one of the board members asked.
Casey glanced over at his sister and met her eyes just for a moment before he cleared his throat and raised his hand slightly. The board member nodded and Casey stood.
"My name is Matthew Casey. I'm Nancy's son. I'd like to speak, please."
He was waved forward to the lectern and the trip up felt like an eternity. His stomach was churning and he knew that his actions could well mean that he never spoke to his sister again. The only thing keeping him from turning back and heading to his seat was the knowledge that Severide was there and had his back on this no matter what.
"In four years, you've never spoken before, Mr. Casey. Why now? What's changed?" the board member asked when he'd gotten there.
Casey sucked in a deep breath and let it out again slowly. He hadn't prepared what he was going to say, having remained conflicted about the situation until Severide had joined him and then the decision had seemed clear.
"Well, when I was seven, I stole a baseball mitt from a sporting goods store. I got caught, and the owner wanted to call the cops, teach me a lesson. But my mum went down there, and got him to agree to let me work off the cost of the mitt by sweeping his floor.
"And when my sister crashed the family car, my dad wanted to kick her out of the house. But my mum talked to him, and worked it out where Christie could work off the repairs by cleaning dad's office.
"What I'm saying to say is that my mum understands punishment, but she also understand forgiveness. She did a horrible thing that she regrets terribly, and she's paid the price with 15 years of her life. But now it's time for forgiveness, from all of us."
Casey didn't dare look to his sister as he said that, fearing he would lose his nerve if he saw any sign of refusal on her face.
"We lost both out father and our mother that day. So, what's changed? Well, I have. I forgive her now."
"Okay," the board member said after a moment. "Thank you, Mr. Casey."
Casey murmured his thanks and returned to his seat, just hoping that it would be enough to negate whatever Christie was sure to say against their mother. But to his surprise when the board member asked if anyone else wanted to speak, he looked across to find tears in his sister's eyes as she shook her head and remained quiet.
With that out of the way, the parole board turned their attention on Nancy. "Ms Casey," the board member said expectantly, and Nancy stood. "We'll start with a simple question. Do you feel remorse for your crime?"
Something crumpled in her face as she looked to first her daughter, then her son, murmuring a soft, "Yes." The louder, "Yes, I do. Every day."
They wouldn't hear about her parole for another few days yet and Severide almost asked Casey if he wanted to get a bite to eat with him now that the hearing was over. But then the thought of Royce and Madrid flashed in his mind and feeling like it was cheating on her, he bit back the words, murmured something about having stuff to do and bade Casey goodbye, ignoring the flash of hurt that streaked across his eyes as he escaped the court house.
Severide tried not to think about Casey on the way home but it was like telling himself not to poke at a loose tooth. He couldn't drive more than a few metres before he would catch sight of something, a cafe they'd once eaten at, and his face would rise unbidden in his mind.
When he got back to the apartment however all thoughts of Casey were driven from his mind at the sight of Shay standing in the kitchen. She hadn't reacted when he'd walked in and she didn't react when he called out a greeting, other than a slight tightening of her shoulders.
"I said 'hey'," he said, as he walked towards her unresponsive back. She continued to ignore him and focus on the apples she was chopping. "I know what you're doing," he added.
"Oh yeah? What am I doing?" she asked coldly, tossing down a slice of apple.
He stood at her shoulder and they both watched her hands, slice with methodical precision as he spoke. "You're not pissed at me because I didn't tell you first. You're pissed off because you don't want me to go."
Shay was quiet for a long time. "Clarice is moving in," she finally said. "She's going to need your key." Then she gathered up her apple slices and escaped upstairs without another word. Unexpectedly stung by the news, at the thought of Shay living with anyone beside himself he leant back against the counter with a sigh.
"It's weird without Otis here," Herrmann whined.
It was bright and early, the start of a new shift and 81 was down a firefighter.
"Who am I supposed to jag?" he continued when neither Casey nor Mouch responded to him.
Casey was reading the paper and Mouch was attempting to squeeze his fingers through the bars of the food cabinet.
"Don't look at me," Cruz said as he walked past.
At the crate, Mouch hissed when his fingers just missed the bag of marshmallows.
"And Severide's gone too," Herrmann sighed, ignoring Cruz.
Casey's attention slid from the news to Herrmann, and he found himself reading the same line five times without comprehending it. Severide had been oddly distant with him ever since telling him he was going to Spain, despite coming to the parole hearing. It was almost as if he'd figured out what Casey had, that he still had feelings for the man. But he couldn't, Casey kept rationalising and he was left wondering what was coming between them.
"I mean, he's as cocky as they come, but if you were lying in the street, he'd give you the shirt off his back."
Casey snapped the paper irritably and tried to immerse himself back in the news.
"If you're lying in the street," Mouch mused, as his fingers snagged the bag and he pulled out a handful of marshmallows. "Why do you need his shirt?"
"You know what I mean," Herrmann sighed.
Giving up on the paper, Casey looked up and his eyes fell on the handful of marshmallows, Mouch was holding to his chest like they were treasure. Grateful, he seized the possible subject change.
"How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of the first watch crate, Mouch?"
"They tempt me with these little marshmallows, Lieutenant. What am I supposed to do?"
Frowning, Casey said," Give me one." He caught the one tossed to him and popped it in his mouth, chewing on the sticky sweetness.
"Chief," Herrmann said suddenly, alerting them all to Boden's presence. "Maybe we should rethink the dog, eh? Time that 51 got one? Plus it would really piss off Mouch," he added hopefully, like that alone would convince Boden to keep the dog.
"No way," Mouch scoffed, and headed back to his usual spot on the couch.
"Peter Mills, where is that dog?" Herrmann asked the candidate, who had just arrived laden down with groceries for the house.
"Uh, I found a home for it," he said, avoiding everyone's eye.
Herrmann stared at him abashed. "You did?" he asked accusingly, even though he'd done just as Boden had requested.
"Thank God," Mouch sighed and dropped onto the lounge, just as the bells went off. Mouch groaned and hauled himself back upright as they along with the Engine company and ambulance were called out to a house fire.
"That's Ernie's house," Boden murmured worriedly.
Bad feeling churning in his stomach, Casey followed him house and they all, Boden included went roaring off, alarms and horn sounding.
Casey's bad feeling turned out to be accurate, because despite getting there before the fire totally consumed the small one-story, Ernie's heart wasn't beating when they pulled him out and the fire had done too much damage.
"I'm going to be late getting back to the house," Boden said quietly to Casey as they stood panting and watching the house get doused with water.
Casey swallowed roughly and nodded sharply. "I'll take care of things until you get back."
Boden took a moment to clap a hand on Casey's shoulder and then he was climbing into his battalion rig and was heading off, leaving Casey to round up his men and get them back into the rig to head home.
It was always hard with kids. Casey knew this even as they drove back to the house and he had to shut his eyes against the burning behind them. Unbidden an image of the kid's burnt flesh rose up and Casey's eyes flew open and he shook his head to clear the sight. He wasn't the only one affected; the entire company was stony faced and he had seen Mills, thinking he was alone, swiping furiously at his eyes.
They got to the house and slowly filed into the rec room, quietly taking a seat and moving mechanically. Casey reached for his book and flipped it to a random page, not reading a word, Mouch stole another couple of marshmallows from the first shift's crate and sat staring blindly at the blank television screen, and Herrmann rubbed tiredly at his face.
Then there was the sound of paws on metal and a quiet whine. Everyone sat up and looked around at each other, not sure what to make of it. At the table, Mills bit his lip and sat very still. Then they heard a decisive bark and all eyes turned on Mills, who smiled apologetically.
"What is that?" Mouch asked, already shaking his head.
Cringing, Mills looked between the kitchen bench, the apparent source of the noise, and the rest of the room. "I lied." The barking grew more louder and more frequent and Mills hurried over to it. He slid aside the door to the cabinet to reveal the dog from the last shift. "I couldn't find anyone to take her," he explained, sinking to his knees beside the puppy. "And I couldn't bring her to my place. Sorry, guys."
Cruz walked over and gathered the eager puppy up, who immediately started liking his face, not that he seemed to mind. Kissing at her snout he took her over to the lounge and sat between Mouch and Shay, the former inching away while the latter fell upon the puppy with kisses and whispers.
Slowly Boden walked in and Casey caught his eye. A short nod from Boden and Casey knew that it was done. Boden had tracked down Ernie's "uncle" and turned him over to the police. Still Casey didn't say anything, it wasn't the time or the place.
Boden's eyes fell on the puppy and with a passive face and unreadable eyes he walked over to the squirming ball of fur.
"Do you wanna say hi to Chief?" Cruz asked the puppy before handing her over to Boden.
The chief held the puppy to his chest and like Cruz, she immediately started licking at his chin. Boden didn't smile, Casey didn't think he was able to so soon after Ernie, but something in his face did soften, even as he lowered the puppy back onto Cruz's lap. She immediately crawled over to Mouch and started sniffing at the hand that held his precious marshmallows.
"Ahh, jeez," Mouch sighed, reluctantly patting at her neck, though he didn't give up any of his marshmallows. Casey felt the first vestiges of a smile started tugging at the corners of Casey's mouth. "Fine, she can stay. What are we going to call this mutt?"
"Pouch," Herrmann suddenly spoke up. "Half pooch, half couch," he explained, earning himself a few laughs.
Mouch didn't deign to respond. "Peter Mills," he said instead. "We're gonna need some bacon."
Casey honestly was expecting to get Severide's voicemail when he called at 3 o'clock the next morning, which was why he was surprised to hear the call connect and Severide's husky yet panicked voice ask, "Matt, are you alright? What's happened?" There was a rustle as thought Severide was getting up and it occurred to Casey what it looked like, him calling while on shift at 3 in the morning.
"No, I'm fine," he reassured quickly. "Everyone's fine."
"Oh," Severide breathed. "Ok, good." Casey could hear the relief even in his whispered voice and cursed himself for worrying Severide. Especially so soon after the worry with Shay.
There was the soft murmur of voices on the other end of the line and a distinctly feminine voice asking, "Kelly?", a quiet reply then the snick of a door closing. Casey's heart clenched, because that had to be her, that had to be the Renee that Severide was willing to move halfway across the world for. Casey instantly hated her.
He didn't offer a reason why he was up at 3am or why he was calling Severide even after he heard Severide's footsteps stop and could hear him waiting patiently on the other end of the call. In the dark of Casey's private quarters images of Ernie's burned flesh and unresponsive body haunted him.
"Rough call?" Severide finally asked.
Casey's breath left him in a rush and he found himself nodding even though Severide couldn't see him.
"You remember that kid, Ernie?" Casey asked, even though he knew there was no way Severide could have forgotten about him. "We got called to his house, his 'uncle' had locked him in a cupboard and set the place alight." Casey squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think about the burnt husk of a child, Boden had pulled from the house. "He didn't make it."
Severide's breath caught. "Shit, Matt…" He didn't say sorry, didn't say anything more but Casey was all right with that. He hadn't called Severide for meaningless words that wouldn't make him feel any better. He'd called because Severide was the one person who knew what to say to take his mind of it, who knew the best way to get him to sleep when the memories of the job kept him up at night. "Hey," Severide said. "Do you remember that time when you, me, and Andy…" And he launched into a familiar story and for the hour after that told story after story, Casey only speaking to add an occasional detail, until his voice grew hoarse and Casey's eyes grew heavy.
"Hey, Kelly," he finally said, voice coated with sleep, when Severide had finished regaling him with the story of their days in the academy when they'd stayed out all night the night before an important exam.
"Yeah, Matty," Severide murmured back.
"Thanks for this," he said thickly, his blinks getting slower and slower. And it could have been his imagination but he thought that maybe Severide had murmured back, "Always."
The words were on the tip of his tongue. It would have been so easy for him to just tell Severide that he still loved him but sleep had him in its claws and was dragging him down into unconsciousness.
Severide had been flooded with relief when Shay had called asking if he wanted to meet up for a drink after her shift but as he drove to meet her, nerves seized him as he wondered if she'd finally decided to stop bothering with his troubles. Shay was waiting for him outside their usual bar when he pulled up, her face impassive beneath her faux-fur-lined hood.
"I'm a stupid ass. I know," he said as way of greeting when he stepped out of the car.
"Yup," Shay said, nodding slightly. She watched him and waited, obviously expecting more.
"And I'm sorry. I should've camped outside your room to tell you first. You're my best friend, Shay."
Finally there was a hint of a smile on her lips as she nodded and glanced away. When she glanced back there was a mischievous glint in her eyes that made Severide nervous. "Next time.." she trailed off purposefully and pulled her taser out of her pocket and tapped it against his chest.
"Hey, no next time, I swear."
They both laughed and after a moment, Shay's smile faded slightly as she slipped the taser back into her pocket. Her eyes took on a serious note.
"I'm glad you're getting yourself healthy, even if it means I have to let you go."
"Hey," he said gently, catching her hand and squeezing it. "No one's letting go."
Shay smiled lightly and nodded. "Come on, let's go in. I'm cold. Hey did you know that tasers are totally against the rules?" She asked, looping her arm through his.
"Yeah, I know that. It's page one."
He was surprised when she opened the door and stepped aside for him to enter first. Looking at her strangely he stepped through the threshold and got a facefull of the entire house yelling "surprise". His face broke into a grin and he turned to press a kiss to Shay's cheek.
"Nice," he murmured into her ear and she grinned back.
Royce embraced him as soon as he turned back and he pressed a quick kiss to her lips, feeling odd somehow to do it in front of the house, all people who knew his history with Casey. Speaking of, his eyes immediately sought out the blonde, even as people greeted him and slapped him on the back. Eventually his eyes found him, standing near the back of the bar and with Dawson by his side. Something in Severide twisted at the striking pair they made and he wondered if Dawson had finally managed to wrangle him into a date. He had been caught for days in an odd state of trying to keep his distance and the inescapable urge to be there for Casey and he wasn't up to date on that situation. His stomach continue to squirm as he saw Casey turned to say something to Dawson and then laugh at whatever she said in return and he was grateful when someone handed him a beer.
The night wore on and rather than enjoy himself, Severide found him growing more and more morose the longer he sat in the bar, surrounded by the people he considered family. His company laughed and told stories of past calls, the truck boys were all lined up along the bar, Boden was there with his usual small smile and knowing eyes and Shay kept flitting past to check up on him. And then there was Casey, always Casey, and it seemed no matter where he turned the blonde was there with that heartbreaking smile and startling eyes that kept capturing Severide and holding him entranced. These were the people he was considering leaving behind and the longer her sat in the bar, the longer he was reminded of everything he was leaving behind and the more it felt impossible to go.
He was having a moment alone when it happened, just taking a breather and listening to the chatter of those around him and considering what it would be like not to see these people everyday, when his chest started to tighten and his breaths started coming shorter and shorter until he was slipping out of the bar and into the cool night air just so he could breathe again. But before he knew it he was getting into his car and driving off, driving to escape everything in that bar and everything he was terrified to leave behind.
Severide and his father didn't exactly have the best relationship; they weren't the type to spend father's day together or go fishing together and the most they ever saw each other was a few times a year and only a few phone calls in between that. But still Severide found himself driving all night, out to the woods he knew his father was frequenting for a job. He found them easily enough the next morning, a few tents forming a campsite and a group of familiar men gathered around a fire and his father telling a story Severide knew off by heart.
"So it's 15 degrees, and there was this homeless guy that used to hang around in an alley behind the house. And we find him, and he is frozen solid. I mean, he's a block of ice. So I call the mogue and I say, 'listen, we have a frozen dead guy, and you gotta come and pick him up' and they say, 'well, he can't just be dead. He's gotta be warm and dead before we'll come and get him.' So we dragged the homeless guy across to the apparatus floor, and we wait for him to thaw out, for about ten hours. Anyway, eventually, he got warm enough and dead enough to actually be dead, so they came and got him."
Benny Severide hadn't noticed his son approaching until he spoke. "You still telling that one."
He glanced around and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Well, I'll be damned."
"Guys," Severide said to the other two and nodded a greeting and received one in return while his father got to his feet out of his camp chair.
"You want something to eat?" he asked, nodding at the leftover breakfast still sitting in the pan.
Severide shook his head. "Nah, I'm good, thanks." He indicated with a slight head tilt that they walk further into the woods and Benny followed him without a word. "I'm leaving C.F.D," he said when they'd gone far enough to not be overheard.
Benny just looked at him solemnly, jerked his head at the woods and they kept walking as the whole story came spilling out of Severide. He told his father about losing Darden and the injury, meeting Renee and the experimental surgery that he couldn't quite let go off.
The only thing he didn't tell Benny about was Casey, and Benny didn't ask. Severide wondered spitefully if Benny even remembered the man he'd dated for four years, and had been friends with for years before that.
"What happens if you and this Renne get tired of each other?" he asked when Severide was finished. "And you find yourself in some godforsaken country with nothing to show for it but a pension?"
Severide glanced back at the campsite, a mere dot in the distance now and thought half-heartedly about what it would be like to restore boats for the rest of his life. Something inside him tightened at the thought. "This doesn't look so bad."
Benny glanced back as well and his expression hardened. "You're worried about partial paralysis? How about full paralysis? Because that's what this is. There is no replacing firefighting." Severide shook his head against the sudden and irrational burn behind his eyes and glanced away. "But you already knew that," he added. "That's why you came out here," he continued, watching his son carefully. "So I could talk you out of going."
Severide couldn't speak past the lump in his throat and his jaw worked furiously, because he knew his father was right.
"Look, I know I wasn't there for you like I could've been or should've been, and I'm three wives removed from your mother and I'm in no position to give you advice," Benny conceded and sardonically Severide agreed. Because the one thing Benny seemed best at was walking away and never looking back.
Oblivious to Severide's thoughts, Benny continued, "But you're scared, Kelly. And you know why you're scared? Because you're not ready for this."
Severide felt the first hints of the tears spilling over and quickly swiped at his eyes. "She's counting on me," he admitted. "I promised her."
"She'll get over it. Disappoint anyone, hell, disappoint everyone, but don't ever disappoint yourself."
It was pretty shitty advice, given their history and part of Severide wanted to ask if that was the reason Benny had walked away from his wife and his young son and hadn't looked back. But he also had a point and Severide knew in that moment that there was no way he could go to Madrid.
The decision must have shown on his face because Benny smiled slightly and said, "It's good to see you."
"You too, Pop."
Benny made an aborted movement like he was almost going to hug his son but he must of changed his mind because instead he nodded a few times before starting to walk back to the campsite. Severide sighed, not out of weariness but out of the relief at the weight that seemed to have been lifted from his shoulders, the cold air whitening the breath as it curled up in front of him and started walking back to his car.
With his mind made up about the surgery, Severide knew there was one last thing for him to do, something that he should've done days ago. It was still early and Severide was just hoping that Casey was still sleeping off whatever he drank the night before rather than answering this phone, because maybe it was cowardly but it was going to be easier to say this to Casey's voicemail. Fortunately, the phone rang out and Severide got Casey's message.
"Hey, this is Matt Casey. If this is a construction inquiry please leave details about the nature of the job and contact information. I'll get back to you as soon as I can."
Severide sucked in a quick breath as he waited for the beep and wondered how the hell he was going to say it.
"Hey, Matt, it's Kelly, obviously. Look there's something I need to tell you, and I should have told you ages ago but I just couldn't, I guess because I was worried about what you would think of me when you realised I kept this a secret for so long. But I can't keep this from you any longer. So the truth is, the real reason I was going to Madrid was because I got hurt. Months ago. In the same fire that Andy… anyway yeah, it's a fracture in my spine but I'm getting surgery on it, in a few days and yeah, that's it. I just thought you should know and I guess I understand if you're pissed at me and never want to speak to me again or whatever." He knew his time had to be almost up and he almost said it then, almost told Casey that he loved him just to finally say it but the phone beeped again and Severide knew he'd lost his chance.
Despite the increasingly worried messages and texts from Royce piling up on his phone, Severide didn't immediately seek her out when he got back into the city. Instead he went back up to the skydeck and spent hours standing at the glass and staring at the city he called home. He didn't quite know why it was he couldn't seem to look away or what he was waiting for. Maybe he was waiting for Casey to get his message and call back with his judgement. Maybe he was waiting for someone to tell him how to Royce the truth without breaking her heart. Maybe he was hoping that he'd see some sign that his surgery would go ok. Whatever it was had him rooted there and tracing the familiar streets of Chicago for a long time.
Eventually though as the afternoon approached he knew he had to leave and face the music with Royce. He'd sent her a text a text hours before telling her that he was ok and apologising for running out on the party like that. The others he knew would understand and not hold it against him but it had been shitty of him to worry her like that.
He drove over to her apartment and waited for her outside, knowing that she would be home from work soon.
"Hey," she said slowly as she stepped out of her car, reading something in his face. Despite this she continued hurriedly, with a fake smile twisting on her lips, "Let's go up, it's freezing out here."
"Uh, no," Severide said. "I can't stick around, sorry."
"Oh," she said, smile falling. "What's going on?"
Severide shook his head, a little in disbelief. "I'm getting the surgery," he said helplessly.
Royce blinked. "Oh, Kelly, come on. It's just not worth the risk. I mean, we'll do it right, you'll come with me and recuperate in Madrid…" she trailed off as the realisation struck her when he couldn't meet her eyes. "You wanna stay," she said.
Severide swallowed thickly and managed to nod.
"I should've known," she said, looking away and to Severide's horror when she looked back at him her eyes were filling with tears. "I was that close to not even telling you," she said, smiling tightly and laughing in disbelief. "And you would've come with me to Madrid and the sky would've been the limit for us." She peered closer at him. "But it wouldn't have been, would it? Not when everything you love is here." And Severide knew she wasn't just talking about firefighting. Royce let out a shaky sob and Severide reached for her arm.
"Hey, hey. What you did? It might just be one of the most important things anyone has ever done for me. Thank you," he said, ducking his head so he could catch her eye.
"Yeah," she gasped, wiping at her eyes. "Well, uh, I guess we're even now."
"Yeah," he said and smiled softly. "We're even."
She went to walk past him and into her apartment for one final night before she left for Madrid the next day but at the last second backtracked and lurched forward for one final kiss. When she pulled away she smiled a final time and went inside and Severide walked to his car. Neither of them looked back.
It was getting late, the apartment was dark and Severide was watching old re-runs on the tv when someone banged on his door. Shay was out with some friends, she'd almost stayed at home with him when he'd told her that he and Royce had broken up, but he knew Shay was interested in one of the woman in the group and besides he wanted to be alone anyway. Which was why he was not happy to be grumbling to his feet and answering the door.
He was even more not happy when the second he opened the door a pair of hands reached out to shove him back.
"Idiot," a voice hissed and Severide only had a second to comprehend the blonde hair and blue eyes and think, oh Casey, when a fist flew at his face and clipped him on the chin. A supremely pissed Casey he decided as the hands returned a second later and fisted in his shirt to shove him against the wall. Dully he felt an ache in his neck but the pills he'd taken with dinner - prescribed by a doctor this time - took the sharpness out of it, allowing him to focus on the pissed man who was pulling him away from the wall and shoving him back against it.
"I take it you got my message then," Severide panted, not putting up a fight.
"Yes," Casey hissed again, blue eyes narrowed threateningly though he didn't move to hit Severide again.
"Look, I get that you're pissed, you have every right to be, I put you and your men in danger so many times over the past couple of months-"
Casey made a disgusted noise at the back of his throat and shook him a little, causing Severide's head to thud against the wall. And damn, had he forgotten how much muscle Casey hid behind his lithe form; he wouldn't forget it quickly, not with the way his body was already beginning to ache.
"Do you seriously think that's why I'm so pissed," Casey snapped. "What about you, you goddamned idiot. How much danger have you put yourself in these last couple of months? How many times did I almost lose you, huh? Did you ever think about? About what I would do if I lost you because you were being a total moron?"
Oh.
It was only then that Severide realised how close they were. He was sandwiched between the wall and Casey's body from shoulder to hip, Casey's hands were fisted in his t-shirt and they were both panting into each other's mouths, Casey worked up in anger and Severide from the physical altercation. It would be easy for anyone who walked in the still-open door to misunderstand what they were doing.
"Oh," he said, mind still tripping over Casey's words and the blonde laughed sardonically.
"Yeah. Yeah, you put my men in danger and don't worry we'll be having a long conversation later about that but you also put yourself in danger which is just fucking rude especially considering I love you, you absolute fucking asshole."
And then Casey's hands were slipping around his neck to wrench him forward and their lips were colliding. There was nothing gentle about the kiss, they were both too worked up for soft, it was all teeth and bruising force. But then it was over before it had even started and between one second and the next Casey went from being pressed up against Severide to being five feet away, arms crossed and looking conflicted.
"Huh," Severide managed, staring at him, with his mouth open.
"I shouldn't have done that," Casey murmured, more to himself than Severide and rubbed self-consciously at his arms.
"Why?" Severide blurted out.
Casey shot him a glare. "Because you're with Renee," he spat, saying her name like it was curse. "Fucker," he added with another spiteful look.
Casey never swore and Severide would be lying if he said the sight of buttoned down and perfect Lieutenant Casey cursing like that wasn't doing it for him but then what he said registered in his brain. A fucking miracle in his opinion considering all the blood that was heading south.
"I broke up with her," he said, still leaning against the wall.
Casey looked up at him sharply, a hint of hope setting his eyes alight. "You did? I mean because you said you 'were going to go to Madrid'," he said, taking a step towards Severide. "As in past tense."
"Yeah, me and her, that's over. I'm staying in Chicago," Severide explained, taking a step forward himself and kicking the door shut.
"Oh?" Casey asked, stepping forward again. Less than a foot separated them.
"Yeah, and that's a pretty good thing in my opinion," Severide said, stalking forward another step, eyes zeroing in on Casey's swollen lips.
"Yeah?" Casey asked hoarsely, inching forward and putting them only a few inches apart.
"Yeah, because I love you too."
He only got a second to see the smile that lit up Casey's face and think, beautiful, exceptional, gorgeous, before they were both surging forward and their lips were colliding yet again, Casey's hand twinning in Severide's hair while the other's hand slid into the back pockets of the blonde's jeans to haul him closer.
There was still nothing soft about their kissing, it had been too long and emotions were still running to high for that but there was still something more tender underpinning their embrace this time even as Severide spun them around and pushed Casey against the wall this time.
Severide's grip on Casey's ass encouraged him roll his hips against Severide causing him to moan into their kiss, lips sliding against each others and tongues tangling. Eventually however they had to part for air and they panted into each other's mouths, eyeing each other with equally dark eyes as they rocked their increasingly hardening erections against each other.
Severide's mouth traced and licked along Casey's jaw, nipping and then soothing away the sting as Casey gasped for air and his head thudded against the wall.
"Fuck," he moaned as Severide sucked a bruise into the bolt of his jaw.
His fingers scrabbled for purchase on Severide's back, bunching up his t-shirt before sliding beneath it to feel that smooth, hot skin. One of Severide's hand slid from his pocket and traced along his thigh until it curled behind his knee and hitched the leg up around his waist, opening his hips for more contact.
"Shay?" Casey asked and then groaned when Severide sunk his teeth into the join of his shoulder and his neck.
"Out," Severide gasped back, kissing feverishly at Casey's throat, mindless with the need to leave his mark on the pale skin. "God baby, feel so good," he moaned. His hips shifted restlessly against Casey's. "Forgot how good you feel."
Distracted by the feeling of Severide's lips on him and their hips moving in sync Casey didn't realise that Severide's other hand had moved until he was being lifted and urged to lock his legs around Severide's waist.
"Your neck," Casey protested half-heartedly as Severide's lips slid back to his own and their kisses took on a lazy and exploratory tone.
"M'fine," Severide mumbled back and sucked Casey's bottom lip into his mouth.
His hips shifted and pinned Casey's more firmly against the wall, taking the strain off his right side. Hands free now they went automatically to the hem of Casey's shirt and tugged at it until the blonde got the message and separated long enough from Severide's lips for them to pull it off.
View uninhibited now, Severide was free to drink in the pale expanse of Casey's chest while the man in question latched onto Severide's throat with his lips. Severide's hands roamed over his shoulders and onto Casey's pecs, thumbing at his nipples long enough to make him squirm and hiss in pleasure before finally coming to rest on his hips.
"Bed," Casey panted into Severide's ear and pulled the lobe between his teeth for a moment. "Now."
Severide pulled back and Casey saw the determined glint in his eyes and leant forward to kiss him already chuckling. "Don't even think about it," he murmured against Severide's lips, feeling the flex of his hands on his hips and knowing that the other man was considering carrying him up the stairs. "Remember last time."
Severide's pupils dilated and glazed over as he remembered the last time he'd tried to carry Casey up the stairs. They'd only made it halfway before he had dropped Casey and then they'd been too impatient to get to the bedroom and Casey had ended up riding him right there on the stairs.
"Sounds like a great idea," Severide mused even as he let the blonde slip to the ground.
"Nuh uh. When I fuck you I want you stretched out on a bed."
Casey went to slide past him and head for the stairs but Severide caught a hold of his hips and pulled him back, his front flush with Casey's back.
"And what if I want to fuck you, huh?" Severide growled into his ear, punctuating his words by pressing his erection into Casey's ass as he pinched one of his sensitive nipples between two fingers.
Casey practically mewled as he arched, simultaneously pressing his ass into the heat of Severide's cock and his chest further into Severide's hand. He grinned and nipped at the underside of Severide's jaw.
"We'll see," he said simply and slipped from Severide's grip and headed for the stairs, toeing off his shoes and socks as he went. Grinning Severide followed him.
They'd both managed to lose the rest of their clothes by the time they got to Severide's room and fell into bed together. After that there was a mad scramble to see who would end up on top and after they finished rolling about somehow Casey ended up underneath Severide.
"No fair," he pouted when Severide grinned down at him pointedly. Still he happy to oblige when Severide brushed his lips against his and opened his mouth eagerly to curl his tongue around Severide's.
"Don't you want me to make you feel good," Severide asked, lowering his hips to Casey's and letting their cocks brush unclothed for the first time. The touch was all electric heat and they both groaned, grinding closer. "Don't you want to feel me stretching you open," Severide continued after a moment, sounding a touch more breathless.
Their hips continued rolling against each others and Severide reached down with a hand to brush against Casey's entrance. Blue eyes flew open and rolled back as he saw stars at the touch. He hadn't been with a man since Severide and he'd certainly missed the feeling of being fucked rather than doing the fucking.
But then Severide hissed above him and he blinked up at him to see his face contorted with pain his right arm now cradled to his chest.
Sighing, Casey nudged at his hip. "Yeah, because that makes me feel so good," he said. "Come on," he urged, brushing a kiss across Severide's bad shoulder before pushing him onto his back.
Despite the pain, Severide's face was light as he flopped onto his back. "Like this Lieutenant," he asked, winking suggestively and sliding a hand behind his head.
Casey rolled his eyes at the jibe but he couldn't deny the flash of desire in his gut nor the throb of his erection any more than he could stop himself from eyeing Severide's flexing biceps. Judging by the knowing look and grin Severide didn't miss it either.
"Lube," he asked instead.
"Same place," Severide answered, eyes drifting to the blonde's chest. And when Casey leaned over to retrieve the lube and condom from the bedside table he couldn't help but lift his head and suck a pale nipple into his mouth, tonguing it into hardness before biting down gently. Above him Casey swore and jerked, glaring down at him as Severide drew back, licking his lips. "You always were sensitive there," he teased.
"And you always were good at that," Casey replied and then without warning ran the pad of a finger over Severide's entrance.
"Shit," he cursed, gasping at the touch. He nodded at the question in Casey's eyes and then felt the whole finger press in. "Matt," he whined, hips jerking down to draw more of the finger in.
"Yeah?" Casey murmured, watching with awe as Severide's eyes fluttered closed and his mouth dropped open at the exquisite feel. Unable to stop himself he dropped his head to bite and lick at Severide's swollen lips.
Slowly, so slowly that finger pumped in and out, dragging along Severide's walls but missing his prostate purposefully on every pass. Severide couldn't find it in him to open his eyes but if he had been able he would have glared at Casey.
"More," he begged. "Please, God, more."
"Matt is fine," Casey murmured, grinning against Severide's skin as he inched the finger out and inched it back in.
"Come on, Matt. Not tonight. Need you now. Need you in me now."
Because this was what Casey did best, wringing Severide out and fingering him so slowly it felt like torture. But it had been awhile since they started and so long since they'd been together that Casey didn't feel like dragging it out any longer. So he slipped in a second finger along with the first and moved faster, pulling moans from him on every pass and stretching Severide quickly but carefully. Still because he could, he was careful to avoid even brushing the man's prostate. Severide was just about sobbing by the time he got three fingers inside him and he only let Casey thrust a few times before he was seizing Casey's forearm and stilling the movements of his hand.
"I'm good," he gritted out before gasping as Casey scissored his fingers.
"You sure?" Casey asked, only half teasing and dipped his head to kiss him.
Severide's lids open to reveal eyes dark with desire and burning with lust. "If you don't get in me right now, I'll get myself off right here without you."
Casey choked on a chuckle and instead groaned at the thought of Severide splayed out on the bed, fingers inside himself as he pulled himself off.
"Can't have that," he got out, voice hoarse and grabbed a nearby pillow to shove under Severide's hips.
He settled between his legs, planted a hand by Severide's head and grabbed a hip with the other and then glanced up.
"Ready?" he asked, unnecessarily if the glare he got was anything to go by.
"Matt," Severide growled.
Casey grinned lavisciously and then slammed into Severide right up to the hilt with one thrust. They both cried out at the feeling, Casey, at the tight, heat engulfing his aching cock and Severide because Casey had finally fucking found his prostate.
"Move," Severide moaned and he didn't have to ask twice.
Casey set a brutal pace, slamming their hips together in a way that tore moans from Severide's throat.
"Fuck, babe," Casey panted into Severide's throat. "Feel so good."
One of Severide's hands dug into the meat of Casey's back while his heels drove into the blonde's ass to urge him deeper, faster and they both knew it wasn't going to last long. They had been too long without each other, they had teased each other for too long, and it all felt too good for them to last. Casey's hand slid into Severide's free one and they stared into each other's eyes as their world shattered around them.
"I love you," Casey breathed into Severide's mouth and that was it for Severide who arched and came untouched in thick ropes across both their chests.
"God," Severide groaned and Casey's head dropped to his chest even as his hips continued to thrust. "I love you," he murmured into the blonde's ear. Casey whined. "I love you so damn much, Matt. Now come for me." The words were enough to push Casey over the edge as well and his thrust once more before stilling and coming with a low groan.
When he was finished, they laid quietly for a long moment, sweaty and entangled, kissing each other clumsily, lovingly until finally Casey had to get up and dispose of the condom and wash the come from his chest. Still too lazy and boneless Severide simply wiped his own chest off with the sheet figuring they would have to be washed the next day anyway.
Casey reappeared by the bed and slipped back into it, both men immediately rolling towards each other and entangling themselves again as sleep began to claim them.
Casey must have felt the tension in his shoulders because he murmured sleepily, "What's wrong?"
And there should've been nothing wrong, because everything was perfect and Severide finally had the man he loved again. But he was worried that Casey would wake up and decide that this was an anger-fuelled mistake, that he would wake up and regret it. But sleep was coming and Severide had no idea if even admitted it aloud or not.
Severide awoke the next morning alone. Casey was gone along with his clothes and any evidence that he had been there at all. The only way Severide knew it wasn't a dream was the rumpled bed, the pleasant ache between his legs, and the steaming coffee sitting on his nightstand. The first vestiges of panic had just started to hit him that maybe his fears had been right when he saw the note left beside the coffee, on which a single sentence was written in Casey's familiar handwriting: I could never regret you.
Casey wasn't ignoring Severide. He actually wasn't. Between the numerous calls for the shift that seemed to call them out the second they got back to the house again and the paperwork for said calls, Casey barely had a moment for himself to freshen up between fires, let alone shower properly, relax, and check his calls. Which was how he managed to go the entire shift without realising Severide had left a message on his voicemail.
But he found himself not listening to it straight away anyway. Despite what he had written in his note he was in two minds about the night before. He hadn't lied in his note, when he wrote that he didn't regret their night together, nor before that when he'd said he loved Severide. But that didn't mean that the light of day hadn't brought reflection and new perspectives that had him thinking himself crazy for trying to go down this road with Severide again, especially when the man had a surgery and rehab to focus on.
He knew he was in trouble when Shay cornered him just before the shift change and pinned him place with narrowed eyes. He'd slipped out of their apartment the night before without having to speak to either of them but there was something knowing in those eyes, that told Casey that maybe he hadn't been as subtle as he thought.
"What?" he asked innocently, eyes itching with tiredness and hands held up in an exhausted sort of surrender.
"Nothing," she finally said after a long moment and slipped past him without another word. She stepped up to her locker and buried her head in its contents.
Casey sighed, muttered a quick goodbye, and hurried off before she could change her mind.
But rather than going home, Casey found himself driving around in aimless circles after he left the house, until finally he parked haphazardly and found himself walking across one of the bridges that spanned the Chicago River.
It was only then as he was leaning against the railing and looking out on the gently moving water that he pulled his phone from his pocket and listened to the message.
"Hey, Matt," Severide's voice said sounding small and hesitant and Casey hated that he was the cause of it. "I believe you when you said you don't regret the other night but I also know you and I know that you'll try to convince me to focus on my surgery and rehab just so we don't have to work out what happens now. And I know you're probably going to try to convince me that it's better we didn't get back together at all because it didn't work last time, or you don't want us to end up hating each other, or any number of a million reasons."
A lump grew in Casey's throat because dammit that was what he had been thinking.
"I know, trust me, I know. I've thought this a million times over the past 24 hours. But you know what I realised? You're it for me. I love you and you're it for me. So yeah maybe it would be safer if we just didn't go there again. But I don't want safe, I want you."
Tears pricked at the corners of Casey's eyes and he dashed at them quickly as he choked on half a sob.
"I go in for my surgery in a few hours and I want- I need you there, Matt. I'm not ready for us to be done and if you aren't either than just come to the hospital." He named the hospital and the time. And as the message finished Casey heard Severide's voice get choked with emotion. "No matter what happens, just know that I love you, Matt. I love you so damn much."
Casey wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand as he lowered the phone slowly and with shaking hands before glancing at his watch. The time registered slowly in his mind and with a strangled curse he shoved the phone back into his pocket and took off for his truck.
Severide tried not to be disappointed as the nurses slowly prepared him for surgery and there was still no sign of Casey. He had known there was a real chance that he wouldn't show up but even that thought hadn't prepared him for the reality. Shay reading the pain in his eyes, squeezed his hand gently and tried to smile.
"Die Hard marathon when you're back home?" she asked softly.
Severide forced a smile and nodded. "Sounds like a plan."
"It's time," a nearby nurse said.
Severide settled back against the pillows, heaved a sigh and tried to relax. Shay squeezed his hand one last time, before letting go reluctantly and getting to her feet. She would come with him as far as she was allowed and would be right by his side again as soon as she was able. And she told him as much.
"I'll be there when you wake up," she promised him.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," he said but they both saw the lie for what it was. If Severide had his way there would be one other person with them.
They were almost to the operating theatre and Shay was just about to leave him with a kiss of good luck when it happened. There was the sudden sound of feet on the tiled floor, a clatter from the nurse's station, a voice saying "Sir, you can't go in there" and then the doors were bursting open to reveal a red-faced and panting Casey.
The nurse's wheeling Severide stared at Casey in shock as even Shay and Severide gaped.
"You're here?" Severide finally managed.
"Yeah," Casey breathed and stepped forward to duck down and press a short, sweet, reassuring kiss to Severide's uncomprehending lips. When he pulled back he was smiling slightly. "Wouldn't have missed it for the world."
Severide broke into a grin and he felt himself relax. Over Casey's shoulder he could see Shay trying to cover her own smile with her hand.
"Are you ready?"
Still grinning at the blonde, Severide said, "Yeah, yeah I am."
He glanced over his shoulder as he was wheeled, eyes glued to the two people he loved most in this world. Shay, his best friend and Casey, the love of his life, who it seemed wasn't as done with Severide as either of them had thought.
Heyo!
So that was it. The final chapter. Wow. I can honestly say that I had doubts I would actually finish this but here we are, the first book completed. Yay :)
A quick note about the chapter, I don't write a lot of smut so if it sucks, I'm so sorry, let me know how I can improve. Otherwise I hope you liked it.
Now a massive thankyou to everyone who read, left kudos and commented on my fic! You guys are honestly the best and I couldn't of done it without you and your support. Thanks darlings.
Finally, the next book. My final HSC exams start in about three weeks and run for a month so I while I might get some writing done I doubt I will have anything posted before then. I will probably re-watch, the rest of the episodes in season 1, start outlining chapters and then maybe write something. So I can't say for sure when I will start the next book but hopefully *figner's crossed* it will be before the end of the year.
Thankyou so much for all being on this journey with me and leave me a comment telling me what you'd like to see in the next book xx