Breathe in
Sitting cross-legged on the floor, his spine was stiff as he meditated the way Charlie had shown him. He was acutely aware of the sweat slowly trickling down his neck, creating an annoying itch that delved beneath his skin; a gnawing, clawing irritation with no immediate relief. Not this time…
Breathe out
Silence: the lack of sound was creating a feeling of isolation that set all of his senses on high alert but there was nothing to hear. The silence was too loud, reminding him of the absence of Alice…
Focus
So warm: her soft, skin, gentle voice, bright and trusting eyes, the swarm of emotions she could produce or induce within a moment. The feeling…
Breathe in, breathe out, focus
Resist the urge to fidget, to move, to run and scream. He needed…
Focus, breathe in, breathe out
He needed to feel so badly that it was creating a physical pain in him. It hurt every tense muscle. Every hyper-sensitive nerve ending was crying out to him in protest, in need: desperate, shameless, relentless wanting. What he wouldn't give…
Focus!
He had to fight this. There was a greater prize at stake for which he'd risk any amount. He tried to ignore the slight tremors that ran through him. He could endure it… for her…
Breathe in
He felt a stinging behind his eyes and a tightening in his throat as he fought to maintain control of himself. Gritting his teeth, the tears began to seep from under his closed lids to flow over his cheeks…
Breathe out
Alice…
*~*~*~*~*
Alice exhaled slowly as she performed the last movement of the kata. She needed to focus on something, a deliberate concentration of her energies toward something she could control. That is, something other than her worries and insecurities, and whether a man with two names who she trusted more than anything would keep his word and come back to her. If for nothing else than to explain why he left in the first place. He owed her that much, right?
She gave her head a slight shake, as though to clear it and began again. She let the familiarity of proper form and deliberate motion take over and her thoughts began to wander again.
Where did he go? Was he safe? And what could be so bad that he couldn't even tell her about it?
Her final Ki ai sounded loud in the empty space of her room. Sighing she stood, bowing out of habit and turned, giving a shocked yelp at seeing a figure in the doorway.
"Mom," she said, relieved. "You startled me."
"Sorry, sweetheart. I didn't want to disturb you. I just wanted to know if you'd like anything to eat.
Alice shook her head.
"Then do you mind telling me why you're working yourself into exhaustion? You just came back from teaching your class. You haven't even changed and you're already working out again." Carol allowed a pregnant pause before leaning against the door frame. "Have you heard from David yet?"
Alice closed her mouth immediately after opening it, as though not trusting what her own response would be. She shook her head.
Needing no further prompting to comfort her daughter, Carol moved forward and embraced her. "Oh, Alice. It's only been two days."
"What if he doesn't come back?" Alice's voice sounded so small and strained that it was heartbreaking for her mother to hear, given her own experience.
"He's not your father and he told you that he would come back. I trust him."
"Can I?"
Carol gently rubbed her daughter's back. "I know you already do and I trust in your judgment."
Alice nodded, gently breaking free of her mother's arms. "I think I'll head out for a bit. Maybe a walk and some fresh air might help."
Carol smiled reassuringly at her daughter and left the room as silently as she entered, leaving Alice free to rummage for a change of clothes.
*~*~*~*~*
Hatter awoke with a start, even if he wasn't sure why. If he had been dreaming, the memory of it had faded upon his return to consciousness. It was dark outside though he couldn't be sure how long he'd slept. He felt so cold despite the sweat he could feel on his skin and every inch of him was sore. Groaning, he tried to sit up only to be stopped by a gentle hand on his chest, easing him back down.
"Easy, lad."
Hatter glanced at the speaker. The unique white beard told him it was Charlie who sat at his bedside.
"Water?" Hatter ventured. A grateful smile teased his lips as a glass was pressed against them. He tilted his head up to drink, letting it fall again when his throat didn't feel so raw.
"Thanks, Charlie." He mumbled, eyes staring straight up at the ceiling so he wouldn't feel so ashamed of his weakness. He felt exhausted. Sleep was a merciful relief from the shivers that plagued him and the ever present and consistent ache in his very core.
"You seem to be suffering greatly, Harbinger. Is there anything I could get you…from your home perhaps?"
Hatter picked up the subtle hint that Charlie was dropping. He meant the tea, of course. Though it would ease him into sobriety by killing this dreadful craving, unlike the plunge into abstinence that he had chosen, he knew it would be woefully inadequate compared to the vintage in which he'd been accustomed to indulging.
"No, but thanks. As much as I want it, I don't want to need it anymore." He let his eyes close as he mumbled feverishly "I don't want to be using her, Charlie. Want what we have to stay pure… something real, finally… don't want to spoil it… 'sides there's no home without Alice…"
He felt the weight of a cool cloth on his forehead and sleep began creeping upon him.
"It is a noble thing you do." Charlie's hushed voice ushered him back into darkness.
*~*~*~*~*
Alice walked the streets in Manhattan, rubbing tiredly at her eyes. She had opted for a late supper, heading out to a great Italian place across town. It hadn't helped in her mission to not miss Hatter as she poked absently at her stromboli, remembering the pizza they shared at that very restaurant.
She turned a corner and descended the stairs into the subway. A quick swipe of her metro card and a push of the turnstile and she was standing on the platform which, she noticed, was unusually empty for the city that never slept. The only soul in sight was a homeless man sleeping against the far wall.
Not having a watch, she glanced at her cell phone for the time. The next train wouldn't arrive for another 12 minutes. So it came as something of a surprise when, at that moment, she heard the familiar rumblings of a train headed down the track.
With a squeal of breaks and a whoosh of air, the train halted at the station. Alice awaited the intercom to announce the train's destination but it was silent as the doors began to slide open. A sign on the train displayed its next station as "The Third Place".
"Well, it's this or wait another half hour for the next one." Alice mused as she boarded the train.
Alice chose to stand, holding the vertical metal bar as the doors closed with a quiet hiss. She began to notice the strange company she kept with the other passengers, but one couldn't live in New York City and not expect a more than healthy dose of eccentricity.
"Tickets!" The conductor called as she watched him come down the aisle. "Tickets, please."
As he approached her, Alice held up her ticket, smiling in a friendly way.
"Now then, show your ticket, child!" he said, looking angrily at Alice.
Alice let her confusion show as she brandished her ticket, "What do you mean? It's right here."
"Bah! Don't make excuses." He muttered.
Alice was about to retort when she felt a tug on her sleeve. She glanced over to see a man in a white suit of a material that seemed made of paper. He smiled kindly and pressed something small and cold into her free hand.
She held it up to examine it, holding her breath as she gazed upon an all too familiar white rabbit emblazoned upon the pin.
The conductor noticed it as well and nodded approvingly. Then he pulled out what appeared to be opera glasses and peered through them very closely at Alice. Still holding the bar, she took a step back.
At last he said, "You're traveling the wrong way…" before moving on down the aisle.
"So young a child," said the man in the paper suit "ought to know which way she's going."
There was a bearded man next to him who chimed in jokingly, "She ought to know her way to the ticket-office"
Still puzzling at this most recent turn of events, Alice pocketed the lapel pin with one hand and rubbed her temple with the other. Things were getting weird and, if the pin in her pocket was any indication, they would only get weirder.
"Where does this train go?" She asked, though she already suspected what the answer would be.
"Oh, this isn't a train," said a voice from behind her. She turned to see a long faced gentleman who rather reminded her of a horse. "It's the rabbit hole."
"But where-"
"Don't worry. It'll take you where you need to be, even if that isn't where you necessarily want to go."
She stared in silence, willing to accept the strangeness for now until it brought her to some answers. The squealing of the breaks alerted her that the train would soon stop. Still, when it did, it was much more abrupt than she expected. It jolted her and she began to fall forward, hand slipping from its hold on the safety bar.
She brought her arms in front of her to brace her fall and closed her eyes. She was expecting the hard floor of the train but, to her surprise, the impact was somewhat softer. She opened her eyes to see herself in a field, just beneath a large tree, grass lightly tickling against her face.
She stood, brushing herself off. The idea came to her that if she were any regular person, she would be thinking 'where am I?'. But one casual glance at the scenery and she knew. She knew because she'd seen it before. For some reason, which she couldn't fathom, fate had brought her back to Wonderland.
*~*~*~*~*
To be continued…
The last scene is heavily influenced by Through the Looking Glass, chapter III: Looking Glass Insects. Again, if you haven't already, go to youtube or itunes and check out "Creatures of Habit" by Panacea.
And please review!