Part 4

Sometime after the Brandon incident, Elliot was beginning to feel more at ease. At least until the process server showed up at his door: a stout, bald man with a polite smile and a dull gaze. His blue tie was nice, but his dark suit jacket and white button-down underneath were perhaps two sizes too small.

He introduced himself as Mr. Pilkington. He addressed Elliot as Mr. Alderson, which was odd. Elliot couldn't remember the last time anyone had been so proper with him. Probably no one had ever called him "Mr. Alderson," at least not in such a serious manner. They had a brief meeting in the living room, which concluded with Mr. Pilkington giving Elliot a small stack of papers in a manila folder. Then he departed, but not before tipping an invisible hat to him in an attempt to lighten the mood. Elliot wondered if that ever worked.

He sifted through the documents, trying to ignore his mother's intense stare. While he'd been speaking with Mr. Pilkington, his mother had sat in the kitchen, glaring daggers at both of them. Mr. Pilkington didn't seem to notice her, or if he did, he was understandably far too terrified to acknowledge her.

Elliot stared at his court date, which had been circled in blue ink. He fretted about how he'd get to the courthouse. He couldn't drive, and he doubted his mother would offer to give him a ride.

Then the real worrying began. He'd probably have to see Brandon again. He'd have to face Brandon's family. It was too bad: he rather liked Brent. But Brent surely hated him, now that he knew who he really was.

When it came time for his court appearance, Angela's father was the one to take him where he needed to go. Obviously Angela had pestered him endlessly to do this for her friend, wearing him down until he finally, begrudgingly, agreed.

Donald Moss arrived at Elliot's home in a timely manner. Elliot approached his car, moving at a glacial pace as he tried to decide where he would sit. His first choice was the back seat. There, he would feel less pressured to talk. But Angela's dad would likely find that rude. He already didn't like him. The last thing Elliot wanted was to aggravate him, especially considering the fact that he'd be trapped in a car with him for some time. So Elliot sat in the passenger's seat.

After some polite greetings, the two were silent for the rest of the trip. Elliot stared out the window and wrung his hands. Angela's father disliked him even more now, didn't he? Perhaps if he knew the truth about Brandon, he may actually gain some respect for Elliot. Or maybe he'd feel that Elliot had gone too far. It didn't matter: he wasn't about to tell Angela's dad what had happened; it was not his place to do so.

The drive felt far too long. Elliot let out a sigh of relief when they finally reached the courthouse. Angela's dad parked right by the entrance. He simply said "okay," which Elliot guessed was his way of saying, "get out of the car, please." Elliot got out and trudged into the building. He got momentarily lost before finding the room he was meant to be in. He made an attempt at taking a deep, calming breath before opening the door.

The room was as dull as the rest of the building. Some hushed conversations went on between the few people who had shown up. Elliot edged away from the door, eyes darting around as he searched the room for familiar faces. No sign of Brandon.

Then he saw them. There was a distraught red-headed woman with her hair pulled back tight, and standing next to her, an equally distressed man with short, dark hair. Brent had his mother's eyes and her fiery hair. Brandon was the spitting image of his father. Their wary gazes were fixed on him. Elliot could see that they were trying to figure him out. He wondered what Brandon had told them. Certainly not the truth.

Brent stood beside them, his eyes on the floor. The whole time Elliot was in that courtroom, Brent never did look at him. He didn't speak a word to him.

This would be the last time Elliot ever saw him.

Elliot sat for maybe a minute or two before some important-looking older man in a suit came by and told him to sit somewhere else. Somewhere else turned out to be a spot closer to the Fields family.

The procedure was more boring than anything Elliot had had to endure at this point in his life. Luckily his raging anxiety kept his focus sharp. When it was over, he left just as silently as he'd arrived.

Angela's dad waited for him in the parking lot. Elliot got in the car, slamming the door a bit too hard.

"Elliot," Angela's dad started.

Elliot jerked his head around, shocked that he was speaking to him. Perhaps he was going to ask what had happened in the courtroom.

"We're going to my house first," Angela's dad explained slowly.

Elliot hated that tone. Angela's father sometimes spoke to him as though he believed Elliot had difficulty understanding him. Elliot's jaw tightened. He was mentally ill, but he wasn't retarded.

"Angela wants to talk to you," Angela's dad said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Elliot blinked curiously. "About what?"

Angela's dad snorted. "I don't know," he muttered, like Elliot had just asked the most annoying, ridiculous question of all time.

Elliot had the strong desire to hit something. He was greatly relieved when they arrived at Angela's house, and even more relieved when he found his best friend waiting for him in the foyer.

Angela smiled warmly. "Hi, Elliot."

Elliot smiled back.

"He doesn't have much to say, as usual," Angela's dad remarked.

Elliot despised comments like that. He knew he was being overly sensitive, but he couldn't help it.

Angela kept on smiling, adept at ignoring her father. "Let's go to my room," she said, grabbing Elliot's hand and dragging him up the stairs.

Elliot shot one last glance at her dad. He caught a glint of annoyance as well as vague disgust in his eyes. Then he appeared resigned as he left the foyer. Elliot guessed that Angela's dad did not buy that he and his daughter were just meeting up to talk. He thought something else was afoot. If only.

Elliot tried not to think about that as Angela led him into her room. He'd always loved her bedroom. It was so much more warm and cozy than his own.

Angela's smile was gone now. "What happened?" she demanded. "What did they decide?"

Elliot half-smiled. "Restraining order," he replied. He wasn't overly thrilled with the outcome, but it was better than jail time.

Angela let out a breath, also relieved to know that he would not be incarcerated. Still she appeared distressed.

Elliot searched her face. "That all you wanted to talk about?" he asked, though he already knew the answer.

Angela shook her head. She sat down heavily on her bed and patted the spot next to her.

Elliot sat there. "What's wrong?" he asked gently, eyeing her worriedly as she wrung her hands.

"It's-it's just—" Angela broke off with a sigh. She was unable to look at him. "I should've told you this a while ago."

"What is it?"

Finally Angela looked him in the eye. "I'm gonna be leaving in a few weeks," she murmured. "I'm going to college."

Elliot stared at her, stunned into silence. He hadn't even known she had been looking at colleges.

"I'm sorry," Angela said. "I should've told you sooner."

"Is it far?" Elliot asked, but once again, he already knew the answer.

"Far enough," Angela replied miserably.

Elliot shook his head. She shouldn't be feeling this way. And he shouldn't be so selfish. He needed to wipe that ridiculous, depressed look from his face, and fast. "It's a good thing," he reminded her.

Angela cracked a small smile. "Yeah, I know. And I-I am happy. But…" She looked him up and down, her eyes glistening.

Her forlorn look made Elliot ache.

Angela raised her eyebrows. "Listen, I know this might be a lot, but…why don't you just come with me?"

As much as Elliot wanted to, he knew that was out of the question. She was the one going to college, not him. What would he do while she was busy with her important work? More importantly, this was her life. Angela needed to find her own way, and worry about herself, and not have to deal with him and his problems anymore. If he came with her, he knew she'd come to resent him. He'd be a burden. Dead weight. Elliot knew that she knew what a ridiculous idea this was.

"No," Elliot said simply.

Angela made a small, pathetic sound of defeat and dropped her gaze. "I don't wanna just leave you here," she croaked.

"I'll be okay," Elliot assured her. "I've got Darlene." He decided not to mention that they hardly hung out anymore; she was more interested in being with her friends these days. Still, he would be all right. Sure he hated his mom, but he could handle her. Or try to, at least.

Angela threw her arms around him. "I'll miss you," she mumbled into his shoulder.

Elliot hugged her back as tight as he could, a storm of feelings raging inside him. He felt comforted by her closeness. But that closeness only reminded him of how far away she'd soon be. He felt empty. Angela let go of him after many long, lovely moments. She shifted away from him, looking pained. Elliot suppressed a sigh and slowly got to his feet.

"How bad is it gonna be?" Angela asked urgently.

Elliot knew she was talking about his mother. "I'll be okay," he repeated, though he knew she wouldn't believe him. It wasn't a complete lie. He would be okay, just not for a little while yet.

Angela gave his hand a quick squeeze as he passed. "Bye," she mumbled.

"Bye," Elliot said. Then he left her room and trudged down the stairs. Angela's dad was pacing around the foyer, waiting for him. He shot him an inquisitive look.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

Elliot gave a nod, and the two headed back to the car. This trip was just as quiet as the others, but it felt quicker. Before Elliot knew it Angela's dad had parked in front of his house. Elliot leaned his head against the window and stared at his home. This was not where he wanted to be at this point in his life. What did the future hold for him now? Angela was leaving. Her life no longer had him in it. Probably she'd live happily in her college town or wherever and get a job in Boston or New York or some other great city. She'd have a circle of good friends. Probably she would tell stories about him and Darlene. They were good people, she would say, even though they were damaged and reminded her that she was damaged too. Angela would consider getting in contact with them again. But she never would. They'd drift apart, just as she had predicted years ago. She'd still love them, but she'd come to realize that she was better off without them. In the end they were three people with a tragedy in common, all feeding off the same poison.

Darlene would eventually leave too. She'd have a job and her own circle of friends. She would leave Elliot behind too.

And he would still be in his mother's house, completely alone.

So that was what waited for him, down the road.

Resigned, Elliot sighed and threw open the car door.

"Guess I won't see you around anymore," Donald Moss said. "I mean, with Angela going to college and all. No other reason for you to come by the house." He chuckled lightly.

Elliot was once again shocked to hear Angela's dad talking to him. He turned to him. Angela's dad gave a small smile. "I'm gonna miss her," Elliot said.

Angela's father nodded. "I know." He sighed thoughtfully. "It's for the best though, you know? I mean…it'll be good for her to be in a new place, with new people."

Elliot nodded in agreement. It was as though he'd read his mind. Maybe he and Angela's father were a bit more alike than he knew. But Elliot wasn't too interested in finding out for sure. They'd never gotten along, and things between them were unlikely to change.

Elliot smiled politely. "Bye, Mr. Moss."

"See ya, Elliot," he said.

Elliot got out of the car and went into his house. He was happy to find the place so quiet. His mother was nowhere to be found, which was always a good thing. He found Darlene relaxing on the couch. The TV was on, but she paid it no attention. She worked away on her laptop, muffled rock music pouring from her headphones. She didn't notice him standing there. Elliot slunk up the stairs, grateful for her distracted state. He was far too exhausted to talk. He'd tell her about the courtroom drama and Angela's imminent departure later.

Elliot locked his bedroom door and crawled into bed. He was drained.

He just needed to forget about everything for a while.

Back then I used to wonder how things would be different if he was still around.

He told me he would help me. Maybe he would have had the answers I needed. Or at least he could've helped me find them.

I knew I shouldn't think like that. It was pointless. But I couldn't help it.

I don't have these thoughts anymore. Not often anyway.

At some point I finally let go. As much as I could, at least. Even then I knew I needed to move on.

I needed to find the answers on my own.

It was sunset. The sky had gone from blue to orange, the white puffy clouds now painted a bright pink. The lights of the various games and attractions illuminated the boardwalk. The brightest of them all was the Ferris wheel: a circle of red and orange lights flashed and chased each other round and round. It didn't even occur to Elliot that it was getting late, and that they should be heading home soon. While admiring the boardwalk with his father, he'd lost all concept of time. Elliot was drawn to the shadowy edge of the boardwalk. It was quieter there. The large crowd and all the activity had begun to wear Elliot out. He needed a bit of peace and quiet.

Elliot's father, eternally perceptive of his son's feelings, turned towards the boardwalk's edge before he did. Elliot charged ahead and climbed up onto the railing.

"Woah, hey, don't do that," his dad warned.

Elliot twisted around to look at him as he jogged over, his eyes big with worry. "Why?" he muttered.

"You—you might fall," his dad panted, bracing himself on the railing. "You don't want to go for a swim, do you?" He chuckled weakly.

Elliot looked at the dark ocean, its sinister waves lapping at the boardwalk's supports. He carefully climbed down. He leaned on the railing like his dad, and together they watched the sunset. Elliot was fairly sure that he'd never watched the sunset before. He found he liked it quite a bit.

His dad sighed thoughtfully. "So," he said, "tell me more about that job fair."

Elliot slumped his shoulders.

"What? What's the problem?" his dad chuckled.

"It was just boring, that's all," Elliot replied.

"There had to be at least one thing that wasn't boring."

Elliot knew he wasn't going to get him to drop it. He took a moment to think about everything he'd seen in his school's gym earlier that day. Not much had really stood out to him. He shrugged. "There were some cops walking around," he recalled.

His dad raised his eyebrows. "Ahh! So the police had a booth set up?"

"I donno. They were just walking around. They were cool."

Elliot's dad brightened. "Are you telling me you wanna be a cop?" He elbowed him playfully. "Should I call you Officer Alderson from now on? Officer Alderson of the NJPD!"

Elliot chuckled. "No way! They were cool, though."

"Why were they so cool?"

"They had guns."

His dad raised a curious eyebrow. "And that's cool because…?"

Elliot had a feeling he'd unnerved him with that comment. "B-because I never see anyone with a gun," he explained hurriedly. "And…they're…kinda cool. I guess. I donno." He nervously picked at a flake of paint on the rusty railing.

His dad relaxed a little. "Okay," he said. "Did you see anything else cool?"

Elliot shrugged.

His dad huffed. "Geez. It's like pulling teeth." Then his eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers. "Dentists. Oral surgeons. Bet you anything they were at the fair. That's a crazy job, huh? Cleaning people's teeth and stuff?"

Elliot scowled. The idea of poking around in strangers' mouths day in and day out was thoroughly horrifying. And if one had the job of wrenching a patient's tooth out, there would be blood as well as saliva gushing out of their jaws.

Elliot's dad nodded. "Yeah, it is kinda gross," he agreed. He scratched at the back of his head. "So, uhh, anything else?" He frowned doubtfully. He already knew what the answer would be.

"No," Elliot replied. "It was mostly boring."

Elliot's father looked out at the ocean again, clicking his tongue thoughtfully. "Well, let's see, based on what you've told me…I'd say you're looking for a career as a bored gunman who hates dentistry."

Elliot chuckled.

His dad put his hands up. "Hey, if that's what you wanna do, I won't judge."

Elliot's smile faded. He picked at another paint flake on the decrepit railing until it snapped off and tumbled into the water below. "I don't know what I wanna do," he told his dad.

"Don't worry," he replied gently. "You got lots of…" he trailed off. After a moment, he cleared his throat and went on, "You got lots of time to figure it out."

Elliot wished he knew what he wanted to do, so he could tell his dad right there and then. He seemed distressed for whatever reason. Maybe that was the thing that would make him feel better. Elliot felt his dad squeeze his shoulder. He looked up at him, once again worried what he'd see written on his dad's face. But, once again, he found his dad smiling. No longer was there even a hint of worry in his eyes.

"Whatever you wanna do," his father said, "you have my support." He raised an eyebrow. "Unless you actually do wanna be a bored gunman who—"

"No, I don't," Elliot chuckled.

His dad grinned. "That's good to hear." Then something in his face changed as he fixed his intense gaze on his son.

Elliot shifted uneasily as his dad searched his face. He wondered what he was looking for.

"You'll do fine," Elliot's dad said. "You're a smart kid."

Elliot's face burned. "I guess," he mumbled.

"You are," his dad insisted, his smile growing. "Don't be so modest."

Elliot looked at the ocean again. He couldn't stop smiling. He really didn't think he was all that smart, but he loved that his dad believed otherwise.

The sun had dipped below the horizon, taking the sky's bright orange and bursts of pink with it. The ocean and the moonless sky bled into each other, black into black. It was nearly impossible to see where one ended and the other began.

Elliot admired the view as his dad patted his shoulder.

"Whatever you do, you're gonna be great at it," he said.

Elliot was warmed by his father's words. There was one last thing his dad said that night, before they left the boardwalk, before they drove home. After he'd said it, Elliot would feel happier than he had in a long time. But he'd been staring out at the ocean. He didn't look at his father's face. He didn't see the way his father's smile faltered when he said it.

"I can't wait to see what you do."