Chapter one
My day started like any other day. I woke up and changed into a black dress. Then I went downstairs to get breakfast. That's where everything was different. Granny died a soon after Arthur went away 846. Armin, Mikasa and Eren joined the Cadets only one year later. I was all alone in that big house for three years now. Only Michael and his wife Sonja lived here. Michaels father was granny's butler, now Michael is mine. But we were mostly friends, so he didn't need to do his job. I gave him his money anyways. "Dada!" I turned around and saw London, Sonjas son, how he walked towards me. He was almost two years old, and madly in love with me. "Hey little sunshine" I greeted him and took him on my arm. I rested him on my hip and brewed me a coffee with my free hand. "Where's mommy?" I asked him. He smiled and tried to talk. I sat him back down and he dissappeared out of the kitchen. "Good morning Shura" Sonja jawned and came into the kitchen, followed by London. He screamed and threw his little fists at her leg. "It's a long day. I have to visit the library and hand out the muffins. And Lady Diane asked for a birthday cake, so I need to go shopping first. Do you want to join me?" I asked Sonja and listed everything I had planed for the day. "I'm sorry but I have to visit Mr. Stein. London needs to be checked" she excused herself. She picked up her son and left the kitchen. I was used to her attitude. She always left without a goodbye, and Michael never greeted me. Even though I considered them my friends. To be honest, they were the only people I talked more to than just about my job. I had my own pastry at the ground floor. It went pretty well, I had a lot of tasks and people loved my cakes. It seemed like my only talent. Interacting with people was none of my talents. I was better off on my own, and since my father left me with granny I kept isolating myself. The less I talked the better my life was. I packed two bags and the muffins I made for the library. I hid a long kitchen knife inside my skirt and left my home. The way to the library wasn't that long, but still I walked for thirty minutes. When I arrived, the door was still locked. "Oh, it's you Shura. Come in" an elder lady said when she saw me. She opened the doors and led me inside the library. "I'm just dropping off the muffins you asked for, Miss Faun" I said and turned to leave. "Please stay for a while. I know how much you love to read" Miss Faun said and pushed me towards the selves filled with books. Without an answer I took off my grey coat and walked inside. I love the smell of books. That's what history smells like. Dry air and dust. Old ink and leather. My fingers slipped over the books and I scanned the shelves for an interesting one. "Leaders of the Survey Corps" I read out. It caught my eye. The book seemed new, it had golden letters printed on blue leather. I took it off the shelve and sat inside a chair. Without even realising it, the time went by and it was afternoon. I reached Erwin Smith' squad leader Levi Ackermann, a young man at the age of 31. Who apparently was described as very talented and worth of 1000 Survey Corps Cadets. "I have to go" I realised and brought the book back to its place. Then I left the library and stepped back on the streets. Screams greeted me, panic on the streets and people running towards the inner gate of Wall Rose. "It's the colossal titan! It's happening again" I heard a woman screaming. Then a loud bang overtuned everthing. I knew, there was a hole inside the wall. Trost would end up just like Shiganshina. Then I turned around an ran for my life, following everyone else. The first screams of horror and panic were audible right behind me. I looked overvmy shoulder and fell to the ground. There stood a titan, chewing on the remains of a human. I felt tears dwelling up in my eyes. Should my life end, right when I finally got comfortable with it? "I don't want to die" I said. I couldn't hold back the tears. A few years ago I wanted to die. I starved myself and I never truly recovered. Even now I was unhealthy skinny. I stood up again, running towars the inner gate. I turned around the next corner. The gate shouldn't be too far away. But the scene that greeted me, let me loose my hope. Several titans were slaughtering people I probably knew. I turned around and ran back to where I came from. But after the next corner a titan greeted me with a gruesome smile. I screamed in panic, as it let himself fall to the ground. Then it started crawling towards me with an insane speed. I was lost, I would probably die. The worst part of it wasn't the fact that I'm dying. It was the fact that no one would miss me. I screamed in panic and turned around to run away. My feet flew over the ground. I lost my shoes. I was still alive and chased by that titan. I turned around a corner and hoped to distract it, when I was lifted from the ground. I managed to get grip on that kitchen knife I hid in my skirt and pulled it out. A very tall titan hold me in his hand. I didn't see much of it. "No! Let me go" I screamed, my voice breaking. I panicked and started to cut the titan. But he grounted and threw me into his gigantic mouth, swallowing me whole. I slid down his throat, motionless. I should suffocate and drown in the stomach of a titan? I thought of London, his parents, granny and Arthur, Armin, Mikasa and Eren. Mostly about Eren, who never gave up without a fight. He always told me to figth. He woukd fight against the titans and kill every one of them. And when he said this, his eyes filled with fury and he got angry, his voive deepened and I was afraid of him. Not now, on my way down to the titans stomach. By the thought of Erens anger I was filled with rage. I picked up the knife and pushed it into the slimy and bloody skin of the titans throat. I eventually stopped falling, but now titanblood spilled out of the wound I gave it. I was soaking in its blood, but I didn't lelet go of that knife. It got stuck in its skin halfway down to its stomach. I started to cry and puked all over me. I coukd smell the blood and the rotting human flesh in the titans stomach. The air was wet and it smelled truly disgusting. "Save me" I screamed. The titan walked on as if nothing happened. I started to pray that someone might kill this asshole so I could crawl out of it. But instead, I heard screaming. I looked up, where I could see sunlight. The titan had opened his mouth to devour another poor human soul. Then the corpse of a woman slid by me. I stopped her by holding on to her foot. "Save..." she said. She wasn't dead bht almost. Then she pushed a small child towards me and I let go of her in order to take that child. It was onky about one or two years old and didn't cry in panic. "Come here" I whispered and hugged the child. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl. But it hid its face on my chest and hold on to my chlothes. Suddenly the titan began to move faster and we slid downwards. The knife in my hand lost grip. "We'll be alright. The Survey Corps will save us" I prayed and tried to calm down myself. I needed to save this child. Then the world turned upside down and came to rest. The titan fell to the ground and didn't move, so I started crawling up its throat, the child pressed against my chest. When I finally got ot of its mouth, my dress aas destroyed, i was dirty and smelly. But I lived, and so did that child. I sighted, hugged the child and let myself fall to the ground, right next to the titan.
I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes, I looked into the starry blue ones of a blonde and strong man. "She's alive, like you said" he shouted and helped me sit up. "Lady, is that your child?" he asked me. "No Sir" I answered. Another man approached us, smaller than the blonde one. His grey eyes seemed cold, but his whole appearance was nice and clean. Even his black hair was in place. "You're from the Survey Corps" I realised as I saw the wings of freedom on both of their jackets. "What have you done? Did you crawl out of that titan?" thw black haired guy asked. I nodded and showed him my bloody knife. "I stuck my knife into the flesh of his throat. Then I stopped that child from falling into the stomach. I couldn't save the mother though" I explained. I still was exhausted, and stareto get hungry. But I didn't let my weakness overcome me. "Here, stand up. If you walk down that road, you'll reach the other refugees" the blonde man told me and showed me the way.
After the hole inside the wall of Trost was sealed, I went to look what was left of my home. The child, it was a boy, still tugged to my chest. But there was nothing. My home war buried beneath stone and the remains of a titan. I lost everything and there was nowhere to go now. Sonja, Michael and London left right after the attack and didn't returned. I lost my friends and my home. I lost my past and who I thought I was. "What's your name, Lady?" a Garnison member asked all of a sudden. "Shura Roxanna Anushka Fenriz-Kupin" I answered automatically. "That child. Is that yours? What's the name?" he asked. "His name is Fenris, but he's not my son" I explained. I gave him the name Fenris after the brave Commander Fenris Targayen, who stole food for the poor until he was decapitated many years ago. At least it should be his name until I figured out who he really was. "Where do you go now?" he asked again. "I will return to my father" I told him. There was no point in avoiding it. My father was the last hope I had. "Let me take you to Targon" he said and pushed me towards a carriage. I went inside and squeezed myself between two men carefully not to hurt the boy. I didn't look at my surroundings. Everything was in a blur. I just knew, nothing changed and I was going right towards hell. "What do you want in Targon?" the man on my left asked me after a while. "I hope to find refugee at my father's house" I answered the truth. "Who's your father?" he asked again. "Anush Kupin" I said. He gasped and then he busted out in laughter. The other men joined in. "You're his daughter? The one he fucked? You left him, for God's sake. Why should he take such a rebellious child back?" another man asked, shouting. I didn't knew why I hoped something unrealistic like that. I just wanted to live somewhere. I just wanted a life. I didn't answer him and ignored the men until we reached Targon in the evening. A soon as the carriage stopped, I slipped outside and went straight to my fathers house. Hope still slept. He was shocked and exhausted. It was a great black mansion at the center of the village. The guard still knew me and let me in. A butler showed me the way to my father's office, as soon as I arrived. I gave him Fenris and told him to bring that child up to my room. "She arrived, mylord" he said when we entered the big room. To my surprise, he wasn't alone. A couple stood next to him, and another man. "This is she" my father said without even looking at me. "I'm Frank Smith, this is Hannah Smith. Our son, Erwin" the man who held the womans hand spoke. Then the single man came towards me. "My name's Erwin Smith, commander of the Survey Corps. Apparently, you're my fiancée" he said. He gave me his hand and I took it. His hands were warm, his blue eyes seemed friendly and his blonde hair shimmered in the setting sun. "Nice to meet you" I said and broke our eye contact. It was the man who found me after that titan incident in Trost. "I have to leave now. There's business I have to deal with in Trost. I hope we will meet again before our marriage in three weeks. Goodbye Mr. Kupin" Erwin said goodbye and left the room. "Dinner is ready" a butler said right after Erwin left. I followed my father and Erwins parents down the hall. Somehow Anush knew, when I would arrive, and he arranged this marriage even faster. When we sat down on the dark wooden table it struck me. My fiancée was Erwin Smith, the man I was reading a book about, just this morning! I blushed dark red. No way I could marry this amazing man. There's no way he would marry. And I didn't even planed on getting near any man anytime soon. In my head, every man was my father, and every man meant pain. Incredible pain and humiliation. Even though Erwin seemed nice, I panicked. I would never be able to fall in love. With anyone. My father destroyed it many years ago. "So, why is it happening so fast?" Hannah asked. Her husband choked and took a sip of his whine. "It seems like we're going to die soon. A marriage should make us happy" Anush explained. I knew, he didn't thought about the extinction of humankind. Then Lisa entered the room and served dessert. Lisa was a maid, and I knew her since I was a small girl. "Can I leave now? I am tired" I asked. I didn't want to eat this chocolate cake. Anush nodded and told Lisa to bring me upbto my old room. When the door of my room closed behind us, Lisa hugged me. "You're falling into old habits" she pointed my eating behaviour out. I didn't eat much this evening, and she was true. I really tried to avoid food. I opened the buttons of my dress and slipped it off. "That's a letter Commander Erwin left for you" she said and handed me a letter. "By the way, your boy is still asleep. But I brought up food and fresh clothes for him and prepared the bathroom" she said and picked up my dress and left my room. I snuggled up in my bed besides Fenris and covered me with my bedsheets. Then I opened the letter curious and began to read.
Dear Shura,
This letter won't seem like a good explanation or idea, since your father is very strict and controlling. Please hide this letter after you read it. I'm not happy about our marriage. To be honest, I hate it. I don't have much time for feelings or family so marrying never occurred to me before. Try to tell your father you don't want to marry. Maybe together we can annule this marriage. But we need to be strong. If there's no other way we have to marry. Since I don't know how much time is left for us to life, I won't oppose it if it won't work. My parents sure will be happy. But I don't want to marry a complete stranger. I want to get to know you before we marry. You will be able to meet me in our old Headquarters, the Headquarters of the Survey Corps. It's the old castle near your hometown. By horse it's just an hour away. Please drop by as often as possible. I already talked to your father. He doesn't seem very interested in you, so he didn't say anything to you leaving the house. But I think he won't let you go. So just sneak out. Lisa will help you if you need her help. If he hurts you, Levi and I will kick his ass. Levi will actually take part on our meetings. He's my best friend. I don't want anyone to hurt my fiancée, even if it's her own father. Just write a letter and give it to Lisa. She'll give it to me as soon as possible. I hope we'll like each other, kr else this marriage is completely waste.
Stay safe,
Erwin
I folded the paper and hid it under the mattress. Erwin wanted a lof from me. I never snuck out, or opposed a command from my father. How should I do it, without breaking? I remember how I lied to him, after Granny took Arthur, Armin, Eren and Mikasa in. Arthur and granny fell in love and married. And when I visited my father on Christmas Eve, I lied to him how Arthur and granny were just friends and pointed out how distanced they were. I really was nervous when I told hin this lie, and in this night his punishment felt ten times worse. He even broke my leg and arm. When I returned, I told everyone I fell down the stairs. I lied very much to others because of what Anush used to do to me. If I told him I didn't want to marry Erwin, he surely would kill me and hurt ne until I turn insane. And I wasn't really sure if I didn't want to marry Erwin. Even though he's a complete stranger. I got up and went to the bathroom. Lisa filled the bathtub with water. I woke Fenris up and decided to clean ourselves in the hot water. After we were clean, I laid down and cuddled up with him. "Everything will be fine" I said and fell asleep.