Chapter two
Fenris started to talk when I woke up. All I could understand was Mama. He repeated it over and over again. "Fenris, your mother won't return. She's dead. But I will look after you. I can be your mama" I tried to calm him. My father still doesn't know about him and I wasn't sure how he would react. He probably will send Fenris away. "Mylady, are you awake? I've got breakfast" Lisa asked and entered the room. She carried a tablet with her and rested it on the small table next to my bed. "Thanks Lisa. Can you ask my father for a meeting?" i pleased and put the tablet on my legs. Fenris took a glass with orange juice and emptied it. Then he started to eat the bread together with a slice of meat. "Of course. I will. What do you want to talk about with him?" she asked and handed me a handkerchief. I cleaned Fenris face and sighted. "It's about the boy. He needs to know about him. And I want to visit my fiancé" I explained. Fenris ate without being distracted. "I'll go then" Lisa said and left the room quickly. Fenris stopped eating and looked at me. His green eyes filled with tears. I quickly hugged him and stroke his brown hair. "Don't worry little one. Every thing will be okay. Just finish your breakfast" I said and calmed him. When we emptied all plates a put the tablet aside and told Fenris to follow me into my small bathroom. After a quick wash, we put on clothes and I decided to show him around the mansion. "This is the library. It's my favourite place in this house. Look at all the books" I pointed out and sat Fenris on the ground. He walked into the gigantic room towards a shelf. "There's a book with a lot of pictures in it, here" I gave him a small book. It was one of my old ones, filled with pictures about humans and titans. Fenris looked at the pictures and mumbled something. At first I thought he would cry when he saw the pictures of titans but he didn't do. He punched the picture and screamed in anger. He was very similar to Eren, I realised. They also looked very alike. Maybe he was a Yaeger? "Miss, your father is ready to talk to you"a butler said. I squeaked in surprise. That man appeared out of nowhere, he was very silent. "Come Fenris, you can take that book with you. I want you to meet someone" I tried to catch Fenris attention. The boy looked up when I said his name. It seemed like he already got used to be called Fenris. "Take my hand" I offered him my hand, which he gladly took. Then we followed that ninja butler. My father sat in one of the living rooms on a green couch reading a book. "Father, I want you to meet Fenris. I saved him in Trost. His mother died right in front of my eyes" I said and pushed Fenris towards him. Anush didn't look up. "I want to take care of him. I want to raise him" I kept talking. "It's none of my business. Tell your fiancé. And I don't want this brat in my house" he shouted still looking into his book. "I can't keep him elsewhere. He has to stay with me. In my room" I insisted. "Take that stupid kid out of my house you ignorant cow!" Anush screamed and threw his book across the room towards me. He missed Fenris head just for a few inches. The boy walked to the book and picked it up. Then he sat down and opened it. My father watched him, ready to explode. But Fenris just looked through the book for pictures. "Pictures, mama" he asked. "This is a book for older ones, Fenris. You need to read it. Your book is better for you. There are pictures in it you can look at " I explained and kneeled beside him. Fenris got up and brought Anush the book. "No pictures " he said and turned around. "Okay, you can keep him" my father said. Just make sure he won't know when you leave at night. I want to to visit me tonight " my father explained. I froze in motion. For a short moment I thought he has a heart. But he didn't change and I didn't too. "Okay. I'll come" I answered. "When can I meet Erwin again?" I didn't dare to ask, but Erwin pleased me. So I did. "On your wedding" Anush answered. "I want to visit him. Their Headquarters are near by. Can I visit him tomorrow?" I tried to convince him. Anush didn't say a word. My body started shaking. He would say no. He's a heartless asshole."You can go. Take that brat with you. And don't ruin my horses" I convinced him. "Don't do anything stupid" he declared. I thanked him and bowed. Then I picked Fenris up and left the room. "Let's go into the garden. It's beautiful out there and we can play outside" I told Fenris. The boy smiled and let go of his book. I bend down and picked the book up. It laid open on a picture of a titan slayed by a Cadet. I shut the book close and gave it back to Fenris. "Don't let go of it" I told him. The morning passed quickly and Lisa brought lunch outside. I insisted on her joining us for lunch, and she helped Fenris eating. In the afternoon I took Fenris to the stable. "This is Thor. He's the best horse Anush owns. But he's an asshole" I described the black horse we stood in front. I turned around and a dark grey horse with black mane greeted us. "This is Juno. She's the fastest and she's friendly. I learned riding on her back. My father gave her to me on my 15th birthday " I said and stroke Junos nose. Fenris hold out his hand and Juno touched it with her soft nose. It tickled, and Fenris started laughing. He asked for a carrot and fed it to the grey horse. I stroke Juno and remembered my 15th birthday. My mother had died only a week ago and I was forced to smile on that big event. Many rich people visited us in the evening and no one was interested in me. Everyone talked with my father. I hid under a table and talked to a dog. At this night, father didn't visit me. He had two women with him, and didn't need me. It was the best night ever. I wished he would be visited by women far more often. "Mama" Fenris interrupted my thoughts. "Let's get her out of that stable. She can use a little time outside" I decided. I showed Fenris how to bring her outside, he sat on my hips and laughed, when Juno blew on him. When I released her onto the grass, Juno galloped away. He shared my live for animals of all kind. I was sure, I could raise him to a decent adult. And I knew, Erwin would be a good father. "Could you please come inside My lady? There's something I wanted to show you" Lisa shouted. She waited on the small porch next to the house. I waived at Juno, and Fenris did the same. He already loved the horse. "Let's go inside" I carried him inside and he seemed a litte upset. "Tomorrow we'll be able to spend more time with the horses. We'll visit Erwin" I told him. Fenris smiled again and waved again at Juno. Lisa showed me a room filled with old clothing. "Everything inside here once belonged your mother. Since you don't fit into your old dresses, maybe you can take a few of her old ones. I'm sure Lady Tamara would be happy about it" Lisa whispered. I sat Fenris down and touched a navy blue coat. It was soft and still smelled like mother. She was great and I truly loved her. But she was unable to show her husband that what he did was wrong. She never opposed a single command, and I took up that bad habit. "Can you leave us alone?" I asked Lisa. "I'll be next door. Just shout if you need my help Shura" she offered and left the room. Fenris ran on the small paths between my mothers clothes. He laughed and had fun. In this room, some great and also terrible memories were sealed. I didn't knew if I was ready to wear them. "Mama" Fenris suddenly shouted. I made my way towards him. He sat in front of a big mirror and held a necklace in his hands. I sat beside him to catch a glimpse of this necklace. "Picture" he said and handed me the necklace. It was a silver necklace with a small heart, which can be opened. Inside was a picture of my mother and granny. "What does that mean? Why should she wear granny around her neck?" I asked myself. I decided to ask Lisa about it by time. "Let's choose something for mama, okay?" I animated Fenris. He stood up and draggeg me towards a closet. I opened the doors and found shoes. There were simple ones, and riding boots. There were shoes in which you appeared taller and shoes for parties. A black pair of towering high shoes caught my eye and I fell in love immediately. Fenris ran away and I followed him, trying to catch that litlle angel boy. He hid behind a dark blue dress I remembered.
It was snowing outside and momma sat beside the fire. She read out a story about a princess, captured by titans. Her prince came to rescue her and slayed almost all of them. The last titan catched him and killed him. Then he swallowed the princess whole. Momma loved the story. She nearly finished reading when the door opened. "Don't do this Darling! She's a child" momma cried. Daddy stormed towards me and I stood up. "Come with me slut" he snarled. "Yes" I said and took his big hand. "Shura, don't go. You have to fight. At least you have to fight" momma screamed. She hugged me and tried to pull me away from daddy. "Don't you dare! You're my wife! Do you remember who I am?" Daddy was getting angry. "Yes. You're the same like father" she spat out. "I am your husband. You have to follow my orders" he insisted and pulled me towards him. It hurt, I didn't understand what they were talking about. "You're my brother Anush. You're the father of my child. I won't let you destroy her life" she said. I heard her anger. I feared daddy's strong grip. Suddenly stepped towards momma and hit her on the head. Momma let go of me and fell to the ground. "Momma!" I screamed. Was she dead? Sudden anger rised up in me and I nearly opposed daddy. But then I swallowed it, like bitter medicine. "Come with me" daddy repeated. I took his hand and followed him.
She wore this dress on that day. Momma was brought to hospital and they found a tumour inside her chest. She died six years later. "Mama" Fenris cried. He pulled on my dress, tears streaming down hieb face. "Oh baby boy, I'm so stupid" I cried. I forgot in my time in Trost that my parents were siblings. I should be happy being born healthy. Momma always told me that other children like me were disabled. I hugged Fenris and calmed down. "Mama will now choose a few things" I told him. I stood up and walked around, picking out clothes and shoes, coats and trousers, blouses and hats. When I finished, I told Lisa I'm ready. I didn't asked her about that necklace, I now was wearing around my neck. I quickly left room together with Fenris. Dinner was ready. The evenwwent by quickly. I read Fenris a bedtime story and when he was fast asleep, I told Lisa to stay with him. Then I went to my father, like he told me to do. There was no point in opposing him. Anush was able to decide whether Fenris could stay with me or not. And since I didn't want him to leave me, I would even join my father at nigth to keep him.
As soon as the evening passed by quickly, the night went on for hours. I went to Fenris late at nigth and tried to sleep for a few hours, but every movement hurt. Somehow I fell asleep, because Lisa woke me uo early in the morning. She brought breakfast and a coffee for me and I woke Fenris up. While he was eating, I changed to black dress with light blue bows. Then I changed Fenris too and went outside. Juno was already finished, and one of Anush guards hold her in his hands. He sat on a brown horse I didn't knew. "I'll come with you" he explained his presence. I helped Fenris into Junos saddle and sat behind him. "Let's go girl" I said to my horse. While we were riding, I talked to Fenris. I told him about animals and people I knew, I even told stories of my own childhood. When we arrived at the Survey Corps Headquarters, it was lunchtime. A young cadet helped me get from Juno and brought her into a nearby stable. My fathers guard waited until the cadet returned. "Who are you?", he asked, not looking at the guard. "My name's Shura Fenriz-Kupin. I'm here to meet up with Commander Erwin Smith. That's my guard, you can just simply ignore him" 2And who's that nice boy?", the cadet asked and bend down to look at Fenris. "His name is Fenris. I saved him from that attack in Trost. I don't know his real name and who he belongs to. The only thing I know, is that his mother died. Fenris, go shake that mans hand. he won't hurt you" I told my baby boy. Fenris took the cadets hand but blushed and hid behind my skirt. "I'll guide you inside. I'll send Commander Erwin to you into the cafeteria" the cadet explained. He guided us inside the castle. Even though the sun was shining outside and it already was hot, the inside of the castle remained cold. Fenris was slowing down bahind us. He was amazed by the interior of the castle. "Come here Fenris", I said and the boy ran towards me. I picked him up and continued following the cadet. "that's where we're having meals. Can you please wait here until Commander Erwin arrive?" he asked. "It's okay. Thank you cadet" I said and released Fenrir back to the ground. He immediatly started investigating the new area. "My name's Jean Kirschstein" he introduced himself. Then he turned around to search for Erwin. I lost sight of Fenris. "Fenris, where are you?" I shouted and started looking for him. The cadets who were currntly sitting in the cafeteria started laughing. Over the laugther of the cadets, I heard Fenris childish giggling. "There you are", I said and kneeled down. Fenris hid under a bench and smiled bright. "Mama" he said and crled under the desk. I decided to join him and sat on the ground next to him. "Are you afraid? or shy? The cadets won't hurt you. But Anush will, if we stay too long. he hurts Mama. Let me hug you, little angel" I whispered. Fenris crawled into my lap and hugged me. "Mama" he said and started babbling. "You're such a sweet boy" I laughed and kissed his brown hair. I remembered Eren to be as lively as Fenris was now. Fenris looked at me with his big green eyes. One day that boy would look just like Eren. "You look like a friend of mine. I hope he's still alive" I told him. "Baba mama da" Fenris stated. "You're probably rigth. that child is so stubborn, even to die he's too stubborn" I laughed.
Eren just came back from the market. Mikasa dragged him inside, Armin helped her. "What have you done this time?" Granny asked. I went into the bathroom to get the medical kit we stored there. ".. It wasn't his fault" Armin explained when I came back. I started cleaning Armins and Erens wounds with a wet cloth. "You should do what you've been told" granny said and put a salve on Erens wounds. He flinched in pain. "Hold still" I said and squeezed his hand. He had a large bruise on his cheek. It was dark purple and his nose was bleeding. "And you need to stand up to the other children" granny told Armin. He blushed and looked to the ground. "Shura's just the same. But she doesn't get into fights" granny pointed out and gave me a disappointed look. "I'm soor" I excused myself and went into the room I was sharing with Mikasa. She was nowhere to be seen. "She's probably in the kitchen" I said to myself and laid on my bed. "Can we come in?" Eren asked. He entered the room without asking. "What are you doing?" Armin asked. Eren sat down on my bed and pushed my legs aside. "I try not to think about death" I answered honest. "You know, dying isn't the only solution" Armin said and sat next to Eren. Eren trew me out of my bed. "What was that for?" I shouted and got up. "Don't you dare to die without a fight!" Eren shouted and grabbed my arm. "Don't you dare to die without solving your problems"