I returned home late. After Fenris fell asleep, I went to my father. He didn't even had to say that I should join him. After he finished he asked "you're not your usual self. What's up? Are you hiding something from me?" I shook my head. Telling the truth would kill me. I couldn't think of anything else than the decision Levi made for me. Running away never occurred to me as possible, but now I had the whole Survey Corps protecting me. I agreed with their decision but deep inside I was shaking in fear. He will find me and hurt me, he will kill Fenris and rape me over and over again. I hid my face in the pillow I was laying on and wished, Levi and Erwin would be with me. They were nice to me. They comforted me and touched me without making me feel like being raped. And they looking nothing like Anush. Erwin was taller than father, his eyes were bluer and friendlier. His hands softer and his muscles attractive. Levi was rude and not nice to me, but instead of Erwin, he knew how to take care of kids. And he didn't tower over me, what made him less fearful. "What are you thinking of slut?" Anush interrupted my thoughts. "You're smiling" he said and turned me to my back. His grip around my wrist tightened. "Fenris" I whispered. If he knew I was thinking about other men, he would take out his knife and cut my belly.

"What are you thinking about?" father asked. I shook my head in fear. "Tell me" he forced. "That boy who's selling apples on that corner" I said and pointed to the direction. We were shopping in Turgon, and Anush promised me to buy a new dress for me. Now we were crossing a market to get a carriage back home. I was pressing a paper bag to my chest, a beautiful red dress inside. "Come with me" he growled and pulled me across the place. I catched a glimpse of the apple boy. That boy with the long blonde hair and eyes like the sky on a sunny day. His smile brightened my mood and I stopped worrying about the result of my carelessness. Anush kept silent on our way home. When we reached our mansion, momma brought my dress inside and Anush pulled me into his bureau. There he turned to the window. "You are bad child" he said. His voice was alarming calm. "Yes" I said. I knew he wanted to hear it. "I'm a slut not worth anything" Anush turned around and opened the drawer of his big mahogany desk and took something out of it. "Come here" he pleased. I walked up to him and waited next to the desk. Then he moved fast, ripped off my dress and my chemise. Then he lifted me on the empty desk. "Daddy" I pleased. But he held me to the desk. "Lay still or I'll kill that boy" he warned me. I laid still while he tied me to the desk. Then he showed me what he had taken out of the drawer. It was a sharpened dagger. "No… daddy, don't!" I whispered. But he pressed the blade into my skin and cut across my stomach. Blood started running down my side. He lifted the dagger and let it sink to my skin again. It hurt. I started screaming until I fell unconscious.

After that I started cutting my arm and legs, and never did Anush said something about it. After that day I started thinking about killing myself. Until I was swallowed by that titan, I couldn't stop hurting myself. Now I had Fenris. He needed me alive. "I'll get going. Fenris waits for me" I excused me. Then I took my dress and left the room. Naked I ran back to Fenris. Lisa waited for me next to Fenris. "Thanks" I whispered and slipped into the bed next to the boy. The next morning came, and I decided to flee outside. Riding into the forest and picnicking was my plan. Fenris had much fun that day but he cried when I tried to bring him to bed. "I'll return to you" I said and kissed his forehead. Then I left him with Lisa. When I came back, he was asleep. Lisa left me with a silent goodnight. Then I started to pack a few important things into a small bag. Underwear, cleaning utensils and toys for Fenris. Then I hid the bag and laid down. I fell asleep immediately. I had a nightmare that night.

I dreamt of Erwin, who was chasing me and chaining me to a wall. Then I had to watch Levi, who threw knives at me but he missed each time. Then he took a spear and pierced my heart with it. Fenris sat on the ground in front of me and drowned in my blood. He said my name and died. I started to faint but Erwin hit me in the face. "Slut" he called me and I died.

I awoke early, dripping in sweat. "What should that dream be about?" I wondered. I decided to stand uo and get ready. By the time Fenris woke up, I was finished. After breakfast I went down into the big hall. Fenris followed me. "Father?" I asked. He stood in the door, about to leave. "I have something to take care of in Hanoul. I'll be back for dinner" he explained. He nodded and waved Fenris. I waited for him to leave, and then I told a guard to finish a small carriage. I dressed Fenris properly and packed money and some apples and cookies to eat and told the guard to ride to the market place of Targon. Even though the city wasn't big, I decided to go shopping. I still needed bleach and another hair colour. And I wanted to buy something to wear for Fenris. He only owned two outfits. When we arrived, the city was packed with people. I hold Fenris on my arm, resting on my hip. "Lady Shura" someone greeted me. "I heard you're back and finally about to marry. Who is the lucky one?" someone else asked. "I can't say his name" I answered. "You were pregnant? That's a nice boy. But he's your illegitimate son" another one mentioned. "He's not my son. I only adopted him" I stated right. The people began talking and whispering at each other. "Who's your fiancée?" I got asked several times while I pushed my way through the group of people gathered around me and Fenris. I didn't answered. Fenris grip was strong and he was shaking. "Let's go baby boy" I wispered to him and entered a small shop nearby. They sold all kind of things and I hoped they would sell bleach. Thankfully the shop owner was new in town and didn't knew who I was. I decided to buy two boxes of bleach and soap. "What do you want to do with that much bleach?" the man asked. "There are a few dresses who need a lot of bleach" I answered and smiled. Hopefully no one would ask him what I've bought. When we left the shop, the people dissappeared. The next shop we visited sold hair colour and make up. I entered, and all eyes were on me. "What do you want to buy?" a helpful woman asked. "Hair colour. Light brown please" I told her. "You're the little girl of Anush Kupin, right?" she asked and showed me to a shelf. "Yes" I answered and hugged Fenris. I hoped, she wasn't one of his admirers. "Sorry Shura. We only have a reddish brown left. Is it okay?" she said and gave me a package. "Yes. Two please" I said. I had a lot of hair and I knew, the more the better. I left the shop quickly after I bought the hair colour. I stuffed it deep into the bag I had with me. "Now we only have to buy a few clothes for you" I told Fenris. He smiled and babbled. I entered a smaller shop that sold clothing. "Do you have anything for children?" I asked a shop assistant. He nodded and directed me into the corner of the shop. There hung a few simple trousers, two white blouses and a hand of shirts. Only two of the shirts fitted Fenris, one was beige and one dark green. One of the trousers were his size, it was a dark brown one. Thankfully one of the blouses fitted him too. I bought everything that fitted him. Inside the shop he was calm and worked with me pretty well but now he started to get uncomfortable. "Let's eat something" I suggested and sat on a bench. He inhaled an apple and ate a few cookies. Then he took the rest of his last cookie and started feeding doves with crumbs of it. His laugh filled the streets and and made me smile. Today was the last day of my imprisonment. This was the last day I would spend with my father. The last day in fear of that tyrann. "Is that your kid Shura?" someone asked. I turned my head to a woman at my age. Her golden hair flew in the soft breeze and her brown eyes sparkled. "Eve" I recognised her. She was the daughter of Lisa and spend a lot of time with me in her childhood. Eve used to be my kid servant. "How are you Shura?" Eve asked and sat next to me on the bench. I looked at her. She wore the uniform of a cadet. On her jacket stuck the wings of freedom. She went to the cadets too and joined the Survey Corps! "He's not my child. I saved him in Trost and ended up adopting him. I guess I'm okay" I told her. I don't remembered her as my servant, but the only friend I had in my childhood. We used to read books together or draw pictures of fairies and angels. "I joined the Survey Corps" she said in disbelief. "I'll join too" I whispered in her ear. Eve made a sound like a surprised mouse. "No way. Why?" she asked. "I want to escape Anush. Erwin will help me" I explained. I was too embarrassed to mention Levi. That man made me question my whole life and everything I knew. I trusted her. Eve used to be my best friend and I had no intention of letting her go. "I'll wait for you. But now I have to return. Captain Levi is waiting for me. We want to return to headquarters in time" she said and hugged me. "He seems in a hurry today. And he acts strange for a few days now. I wonder what's up on his mind" she mumbled and left. "Mama. Cookie" Fenris said. He fed another cookie to the doves. After he let the last crumbs fall I decided to return home. I just wanted that day to pass. It was afternoon when the guard stopped in front ot the mansion my father owned. On the fields behind our house stood Juno and greeted us. "Let's go inside" I told Fenris. He pouted and sat on the ground. "Do I have to carry you?" I asked him. He looked away and watched Juno. "We'll come back later and care for Juno. Just come back inside" I pleased him. Fenris ignored me and pushed him up. Right before he wanted to run off I catched him and lifted him from the ground. Then I carried him and the shopping bags into the mansion. "Can you care for him Lisa?" I asked Eve's mother. She nodded. "By the way, I met Eve today. She joined the Survey Corps" I told her. "I know. She wrote me a letter. I hope I'll meet her before she goes off to the next mission. I haven't seen her in years. And everyday outside the walls could be her last" she said. Then she took Fenris hand and showed him into the kitchen in the basement. I went uo to my room and stuffed the things I bought into the bag I had hidden on my closet. Then I went to Fenris and Lisa into the basement. "I hope you'll find another job soon. As soon as possible" I told her. Then I dissappeared with Fenris outside. We spend the rest of the day with Juno and her brother Grisha. They were both friendly and it hurt my heart to separate them. I wanted to take Juno with me, but Grisha didn't belong to me but to ny mother. "Tamara asked me to give him to you" someone said. It was my father who just returned home. "Are you sure you want to give him to me?" I asked ironically. "No" he answered as I expected him to. Grisha was the fastest horse Anush owned and Juno was just the same. But the present my mother made me before she died solved a few problems I had. He would have to carry Fenris and the bag, maybe another two blankets. I woukd take Juno. "Come inside. I want you to join me on dinner. Your boy can join too" my father told me. I closed the door of the stable and followed him inside, Fenris on my side. We didn't spoke while we ate. I had no idea why he was that friendly to me. But that night showed me again thay Anush was nothing but a monster. A sadistic asshole. He chained me up and cut me with a razorblade, what definitely turned him on. After he fell asleep I was finally able to escape hell. I cared for my wounds and put on my favourite dress, a black one with dark blue bows. Then I put a blanket around Fenris and carried him outside. I finished Juno and Grisha and bound Fenris on Grishas back together with a second blanket and our bag. Then I sat on Juno and took Grishas halfter. I slowly left the grounds of ny father over the fields. Erwin and Levi awaited me behind a small forest. Levi sat behind Erwin, but changed on Grishas back, pressing Fenris to him. We spoke nothing. Just the horses made a sound. Then we sped up, rushing through the night. "Are you alright?" Erwin asked shouting. "Yes. I'm alright. But I don't know if we'll make it" I answered. "We will make it. Quit crying" Levi said. He dropped the speed a little bit and Erwin and I adjusted to him. "I went into the city yesterday. Two cadets joined me. I told them to buy bleach and red hair colour for you" Levi told me. "I did that too. Yesterday" I told him and grinned. "Eve Winchester was with you. She's a childhood friend" I informed him after a moment of silence. Levi nodded. Our way went through a small collection of houses, not enough to make a village. They held animals and were probably farmers. We dropped the speed and went off the horses backs. As silent as possible we crossed the farmers houses. I started crying. "I can't keep him safe" I said sobbing. "I will look after Fenris and keep him safe. I'll kill everyone who wants to take him away" Levi answered with a deep voice. It was so dark, that I wasn't able to see him or Erwin. "Don't worry. Everything will turn out okay" Erwin said and touched my arm. Surprised I jumped in the air. "My god. You scared me" I said and started laughing. "Be quiet. How stupid are you?" Levi insulted me. I didn't oppose. He was right. I was being stupid. If we woke the farmers up, we had to explain what we were doing. "We can sit up now" Erwin suggested after we passed the houses. We went on for a while until we crossed a forest and the castle of the Survey Corps appeared in front of us. "Finally" I sighed. I was glad that we made it this far. Hopefully my father will notice my absence from home the night after my escape. "Can you help us get the horses back into the stable?" Erwin asked me and turned to Levi "lay Fenris down and her bags too. It'll be alright" Levi did as he said and rested Fenris on a small hill of straw. "What's his name?" Erwin asked and took the saddle off Grisha. "His name is Grisha. He's the brother of Juno. You already saw her when I visited you the first time. Juno was a present for my 15th birthday. And Grisha belonged to my mother. She passed him to me after her death" I explained him. I've never talked that much with a man. My answers were always cut short and included only the most important things. "He's beautiful and fast. Can we include him into our horses? We can use fast ones like him. Maybe our elite quad around Levi will ride on him" Erwin pleased. "You can have Juno too. She's almost as fast as Grisha" I optioned. Erwin smiled. "That would be beautiful. But you can have her if you need Juno" Erwin said. We closed the stable behind us, Levi carried Fenris, I hold our bag. "Can we colour my hair right now? I knkw it's late, but I don't dare to wait. My father has the rare talent of perfect timing. I bet he's looking after me in the morning" I asked and entered the castel behind Erwin. Then I hold the door open for Levi and Fenris. "Okay. I'll lay down Fenris and join you two in the bathroom" Levi said. "Wait. Where do lay him down?" I interrupted. "You have a room right next to mine. We'll meet in my bathroom. I stored the bleach and hair dye there anyways" Levi whispered and went ahead. "I don't know what's up with that man" Erwin chuckled. "He's not very nice. But I guess, that's his usual self" I guessed. "You're lucky. He's especially nice to you. He's not insulting you or points out how bad you are and how much better you could be" Erwin answered. He rested his hand on my shoulder. Then he let it glide down my arm and took my hand. He tried to interwine our fingers. "Let's get going" I said and pulled back my own hand. He went ahead. "I'm seriously confused now" he whispered. "Why?" I asked. "I want to save you from your father. And I want to protect you" Erwin turned around. "I never had siblings, I nevee loved a woman and I sure won't ever love anyone. I just don't want to let you go. I don't even know why" he hung his head down and let it rest on my head. "I don't know… Just to state it. I will never get close to anyone in a sexual manner. I don't want ro be touched that way again. I think I will fall in love, but I won't be able to get close to them" I explained. "Well, I'm glad you also don't feel love out of our forced marriage" Erwin said. He left me wonewhy he worried about something like that. But I didn't dared to ask. I didn't want to be pushed away by him. We finally grew closer and it still was okay for me. He was the closest I had ever been to a man except for my father. I didn't count Eren and Armin, since they were about four or five years younger than me. "Let's wait for corporal Levi" Erwin suggested and stopped in front of a door. We were on the second floor. Levi came out of the door right next to his door. "You're fast, commander. Didn't you talk to her?" Levi asked. His voice still was calm. Maybe he was just tired and not being nice? Bleaching my hair took two hours since I had so much hair. I fell asleep during the process.