I must have passed out. When I awoke, my head rested on Levi's shoulder and he carried me up some stairs. "Corporal?" I said asking. "Sunniva" Levi approved. "I passed out" I said. Levi chuckled. "You did" he confirmed. "And why are you carrying me? And not cadet Philip?" I asked. "He had to visit cadet Daniel. He's sick and Philip is worried about him" Levi explained. I understood but didn't show any reaction. He smelled nice and I didn't wanted to move. The warmth of his body comforted me. I calmed down and inhaled his scent deep. "Are you okay?" Levi asked. "Yeah" my voice sounded husky. I snuggled up on his chest. Levi pushed his hand careful on my back, like he wanted to say that it was okay to cuddle him. I laid my arms around his neck. "Do you think Fenris is happy?" I whispered. "He is happier with you than on his own. You saved his life. That's the only thing important" Levi answered as silent as I asked. "Hmm kay" I mumbled. "I'll make sure he's happy" Levi said. He kicked a door, that was soon opened. "Corporal. You're carrying her? She's hurt? Lay her down on that bed" a woman said. It was Hanji. "Her ribs are probably broken" Levi said. "Open your jacket and her blouse" Hanji said and turned away. She rummaged behind my back. Levi undid the knot in his jacket and put it on the bed head down. Then he opened the buttons of the shirt he gave me to wear this morning. I blushed when he had opened all buttons and looked away. "Sit up" he said. His voice sounded harder than on the way to this room. I sat up and he removed the shirt from my shoulders. Then he took it off completely and put it next to his jacket. I laid back down and rested my head on the clothing. "Now, let me have a look" Hanji said. She stroke my ribs with her fingertips and pressed on a few spots. "I'll press here. It'll hurt" Hanji warned me. "Okay" I whispered. She pressed on the spot she told me. "Ouch! Ow!" I screamed out. "Hanji. Stop it" Levi said and pushed her hands aside. He stroke the spot carefully. "You have a dark purple bruise there. And your rib is not broken but damaged. I like you to take that salve and wrap these bandages around your ribcage. Then you can leave. I want Levi to stay a bit, please help me with the paperwork. Oh, and Erwin took Fenris with him to his room" Hanji said. Levi took on the salve on that spot and helped me wrapping around the bandages. I closed the shirt and gave him his jacket. "Your jacket Corporal" I said and hold out my arm. "Take it with you. I think you need it. And deep inside you know you want it" Levi said and avoided to look at me. I pressed his jacket to my chest and left the room. I was alone in the hall. I passed the first floor and went upstairs. In the process, I hid my face in Levis jacket. It still smelled like him. "Trainee Sunniva" Erwin greeted me. "Commander Erwin. I'm here to look after Fenris. My training is currently paused. I damaged a few ribs" I explained my presence. "The boy warmed up with me. He seems to like me" Erwin said and smiled. His smile was honest and pure. "Let's go back inside" Erwin interrupted my staring and opened the door for me. I stepped into his room. It was as simple as Levi's. Just a bed, a desk and chair and a closet. One window and a door to his own, small bathroom. "Levi's room is just like this one" I pointed out. Fenris sat on the desk and drew a picture. "That's nice Fenris. You're drawing Commander Erwin?" I asked him. "Papa" he said. "Erwin is your father?" I asked again. "Papa" Fenris said again and pointed with his small hand to the door. "Erwin is not your father?" I asked surprised. He took a dark pencil and continued to draw. "I'm sorry commander. Seems like he doesn't consider you his father" I said. "What do you think. Who is he drawing?" Erwin asked. The image wasn't very useful. "Fenris. Let's give papa the picture. It's a present" I asked the boy. He nodded and laid down the pencils. Then he took the paper and walked to the door. "Let's go to the cafeteria. Maybe the one he's thinking of is there" I considered. "No need in that. Let's go to the court. The man is outside. I've got an idea who it is" Erwin said. His smile didn't reach his eyes. His blue eyes seemed sad. "Don't worry Erwin. He already likes you" I said and stroke his arm. "Thanks" he said and took my hand. "You're too nice. Don't be that naive" I swallowed hard. Then I took Fenris hand and showed him outside the castle. Erwin followed me and carried the boy downstairs. Outside, Fenris started running towards a group of people. "Commander Erwin" someone of the greeted us. I knew her. It was Petra. "Trainee Sunniva. That's the squad I'm the leader of. Eren is now part of it" Levi explained. "How's your rib doing?" he asked silent, just audible for me. "It's okay" I answered. "Corporal. Why is Eren part of it?" Petra asked. Her voice was too loud and squeaky. "He's a shapeshifting titan. If he loses control, it's our job to stop him" Levi explained to her. His grey eyes filled up with anger. "Lance Corporal Levi Rivaille Ackermann. I don't believe what you told me yesterday" Erwin suddenly said and laughed. "Erwin! Shut up.I already told you" Levi grunted. "Come with me corporal. I've got a few questions" Erwin said and pushed Levi in front of him, guiding him with his hand in the smaller man's back. "Papa, wait!" Fenris shouted. He stumbled towards Levi and Erwin, but fell down and started crying. "Fenris, it's okay" Levi took him on his arms and stroke his back. "That's for you" Fenris said and gave him the picture. "Oh, is that me?" he asked. "That's you. And that's mama" Fenris explained. "Who's your mama? Is it Sunniva?" Levi asked and pointed to me. "That's mama" Fenris agreed. "I'll leave him to you, mama" Levi said and put Fenris to the ground. "Go to mama. The nice uncle wants to talk to me" Levi said. Fenris came to me and I picked him up. "You're very talkative around papa" I said. The boy smiled and babbled. "Shit. You're too close to Levi. Watch out, Sunniva. Stay away from him or I'll spill your secret. He's mine. He's ours. You've got nothing to do with him" Petra said and glared at me. I nodded. "It's okay. But Fenris likes him a lot " I pointed out. "That boy will find someone else. Erwin, for example. He's his adoptive father anyways" Petra shrugged her shoulders. "Guys, let's go. That brat is not worth our time" another cadet of the group said. "You're talking like Levi again Gunther" another cadet said. They turned their back on me and walked towards the stable. The sky has turned black and thunder roared. "Let's go inside" I requested. Fenris laughed. "Mama" he said simply. Then it started raining. Not just a small shower, the downpour of world's end. I hugged Fenris and ran towards the castle. Levis jacket protected Fenris from getting wet, but I was soaking. And the white shirt got transparent. I knocked on the gate. "Please, let me inside" I screamed. The door was opened and Erwin stood in front of me. "Take Fenris and give him a tea. We'll meet in my room" Levi ordered. He pulled me inside and gave me a blanket. "Take off your clothes. Hanji will dry them. And wrap yourself in your blanket and follow me to my room" Levi told me. I took of my clothes and handed them to Hanji. She stood next to Levi and grinned. "I knew it" she whispered. No one reacted to it. Levi had his back turned to me. "You're ready?" he asked. I had wrapped the blanket around me. "Yes. Let's go" I answered. Levi begun climbing the stairs in front of me. We didn't talk. "Please go to your room and throw on some clothes" Levi pleased. I couldn't see his face, but his voice was low, dark and husky. I disappeared into my room and listened until his door closed too. I heard voices out of the room next to me. Levi's room. I threw on a simple, black dress and went to Levi's door and knocked. "Come in Sunniva" Erwin said. "That's my room Erwin" Levi protested. "You want her in here anyways" Erwin said a little silent. I opened the door and tumbled into Levi. He hold my arms and I looked into his grey eyes. "Sunniva. Nice to have you" he greeted me stiff. "Corporal" I whispered. His eyes locked with mine. "Sunniva" he said. His grip hardened. Feelings raised and I closed my eyes. I swallowed down guilt, affection and shame. Then I opened my eyes again. Levi still looked at me and hold on to my upper arms. "Levi. Let go" Erwin said careful. Levi let go of me and disappeared into his bathroom. He slammed the door behind him. "What was that?" I asked. Erwin smiled. "The littler the people the angrier they are" Erwin said. "Shut up Commander. I'm sick of your behaviour" Levi shouted and opened the door. He stepped outside. "Don't tell me what I feel, what I should feel and what I should do" he growled. "I'm your best friend" Erwin insisted calm. "You're right" Levi sighted. He calmed down. "I'm sorry" he excused his behaviour. Levi sat on his bed and opened his arms. "Come here, little Eren" he said. His words pierced my heart and shattered it to pieces. Eren. After all, is protection and kindness towards me was because of Fenris and Eren. That man had crush on Eren and used me, to gain plus points with Eren! Fenris crawled into his arms. I got angry, disappointed and sad. I felt the tears in my eyes. "Commander, Corporal. I'll go back to my room, I feel sick" I excused myself and left the room before anyone of these two could react. I closed the door of my room behind me. Then I went to the bathroom. I feared the blades I hid, but I needed them. "Trainee Sunniva. Open the door. Open up" I heard Erwin shout. "I'm okay, Commander. I just need to use the bathroom" I answered. I laid down the blades and opened the door to my room. "Can I bring you some tea and cookies?" he asked. "That would be nice. Fenris will have some too" I said, swallowing the tears. "I'll take him with me" Erwin smiled and turned away. I closed the door and went back into the bathroom and took out the blades again. Should I do it? The scars will show how weak I am. The other option was to cry and hope I would feel better soon. But currently, I was feeling like I would be better off dead. The first blade danced over my skin. "Sunniva. Can I talk to you?" Levi asked with soft voice at my door. I took the blades and sat down. My back rested on the closed door. "Talk" I answered cold. "You're helpless. You should be mature but you're helpless on your own. You're small, you look like a lady, you act like one. You talk like a child, you think like one. I'm sure, you never lived for your own self. Whatever kept you alive, it's not there for you anymore. And I realised that Erwin is far too busy for you to be the one you're relying on. Now I'm asking you, would you like to rely on me? I can be the one you hold on to, I'll show you how to live" Levi spoke. Two blades danced over my skin while he did. "I don't need you. You only want Eren" I spat out. "That's not true. I just want to be the one to kill him if it's necessary. I want Fenris. And I want you to act as his mother. Take this role, for the boy" Levi insisted. I shook my head and kept silent. "Sunniva?" he asked. The man behind the door knocked soft. "Are you okay? What are you doing?" he asked. "I'm okay. Go away" I whispered. My vision got blurry. "Trainee? Trainee Sunniva? Open the door. That's an order!" Levi shouted. I heard the panic in his voice. I tried to stand up, but fell on my side. I reached for the lock and managed, somehow, to unlock the door. Then closed my eyes and rested my head on the ground. "SUN! Sunnie. Shura, my god what have you done?" I heard him screaming. He lifted me up and carried me to my bathroom. Then he laid me down, took of my dress and started washing me. Then he dried the wounds and ripped something and wrapped the cloth around my lower arms. I wasn't unconscious, but too weak to move. "Corporal" I was only able to whisper. "Yeah?" he asked with tear stained voice. He was crying. I tried to move and opened my eyes. I laid on my back, on the ground in my bathroom. Levi still wrapped his shirt around my wounds. He ripped it in half and used it to stop my bleeding. Then everything turned black.
"She's not okay, Petra. Look at her. I can't leave her alone. Bloody hell, she tried to kill herself" Levi shouted. "She's better off dead, Corporal" Petra answered cold. "She's not better off dead. She should have a chance to live. To grow stronger" Levi insisted. "She's weak. She's stupid. She's not able to live on herself" Petra said. Then she left the room. I laid still, my eyes closed. How long have I been passed out? Why did Levi sound like he was crying? What even happened? "Petra is right. I need to go. Our mission starts in an hour. We want to find a way to Shiganshina. If I don't survive…" my concentration trailed off. I couldn't hear Levi's voice. I couldn't make a sign. Then he kissed me. But I couldn't react. I screamed inside but no sound came out of my mouth. "Mikasa, Armin and Eren will say goodbye soon" Levi said. His hand stroke my cheek. "Oh Shura. I wished we met earlier. I wished I could tell you more about me. But for once you have to know only this: I…" I lost consciousness again.
I stood in a white room. The ceiling was dark purple. I was naked. No scars were on my arms. "Where am I?" I asked into the emptiness. Am I… am I… am… I… my voice echoed. "Is there anyone?" I asked again. Anyone… anyone...any...one. No one answered. I sat down. What should I do? There was nothing in this room. I stood up again. I didn't want to give up. I started walking. Nothing changed. There was no point where I could oriented my location on. I walked and walked and walked. There was no wall I bumped into. Nothing. Then I looked behind me. A dark shadow followed me. I started panicking. Then I begun to run. The shadow sped up, and I fell to the ground. Suddenly I was flying. More like falling through the sky towards the ground. I spread out my wings and flew. Blood started running down my arms. Three deep cuts appeared on my arms. I closed my wings and the blood shot out of the wounds. The more blood I lost, the faster I was falling. I spread out my wings again and gained height. The ground turned black. I flew higher and higher until the air was too thin to breathe. But it was warm, like a hug. The wounds stopped bleeding. I looked up to the sun. But instead, Levi floated in front of me dressed in white. He smiled and hugged me. "You already know what I wanted to say. Don't be stupid and forget it. Remember it until I return. I'll return alive. I promised you. Remember my words Shura. My sun" he spoke. His voice echoed, it sounded like there was no source of his voice. His smile faded, his face faded, his body faded. Then everything turned blood red and I lost orientation. There was no upside. Every direction was downside. I screamed and breathed blood. It hurt and the metallic taste numbed my mouth.
I woke up. I bit on my tongue and bleeded. "Who's there?" I asked. "It's me. Eve. Daniel and Phil are currently watching over Fenris. It's evening. You slept for two weeks" she told me. "Levi? Where is he?" I asked. I couldn't remember a thing. "He's off. Everyone tries to reach Shiganshina" she explained. "He visited you a lot. Petra is very jealous. Can't you remember why you're here?" she asked. I sat up. "He told me something important. I have to remember it" I whispered. "You tried to kill yourself. He saved your life" Eve said. I shook my head. "It was an accident. I thought he fancied Eren… I kind of remember what he said to me before he left" I opposed. My head hurt. I remembered his voice. His tears. His hands. The worry in his eyes. The regret. The pain. The fear. I was sure, he meant me. What he said confused me. Made me happy. But still I wasn't sure. Was it all just a dream? Maybe I dreamt his words. "I love you"