Chapter Five
Repentance

Thomas Shelby sat in the darkness of the living room, the only light coming from his lit cigarette. He was not sure how long he had been sitting at the table for but he guessed that it had been a couple of hours. He needed some space to think. The darkness had always been a comfort for him when things became all too much for him. But this time was different. He was waiting. He was waiting to hear her move from her bed above him, and to descend downstairs. He had spent a lot of time thinking about everything he needed to think about, including the questions he needed to ask her. He had returned from the party a few hours before and he had hoped to catch her before she went to bed, but he had been too late. He wondered whether waking her up would be the best option, but he decided against it. And so, here he was waiting for her to wake.

He had so many questions he needed to ask her, and she was the only one with the answers. Movement above him caused him to focus on the sounds of her above him. He wondered if she was turning over in bed like she had done since he'd gotten back from the party. But the sounds above him were different. He heard the floorboards creak above him and the screech of the bedroom door opening. He remained silent as the stairs creaked as she made her way down into the open plan room. She didn't seem to notice him sitting there.

"You know one thing I hate about the human race…" he began, his voice calm and collected. Aunt Pol jumped as his voice filled the darkness around her. She turned towards his voice just as he lit another cigarette with a match. He inhaled the smoke deeply as he held up the match to watch the fire burn the small block of wood. As the flame touched his fingertips, he waved his hand forcefully to extinguish the flame. "…is that we all lie."

Polly furrowed her brow slightly, wondering what Tommy was talking about.

"We lie, we cheat, and we steal…" Tommy continued, puffing on his cigarette. "It's normal for a human being to do those things. But most people are good at just one of those. See, you're good at one of them."

"Tommy, you're not making sense. Have you been drinking?"

"I met a face from my past this evening," Tommy said, running his tongue along his bottom lip. "Yer may know her. She looked as if she had seen a ghost when she saw me, Pol, which wasn't the best feeling in the world. But there was a good reason why, wasn't there, Aunt Pol?"

This seemed to unsettle her, and Tommy bit his lip. He stubbed the cigarette out.

"It was clever of you. To send her letter telling her that I was dead," Tommy spat, bitterly. He clapped his hands. "That must be the sickest thing you've ever done to date. You must be so proud of yourself for destroying not only her life, and making her believe that I was dead and never returning to her, but also you destroyed my life. One little white lie, and two lives were over. Congratulations."

"It wasn't supposed to end up the way it did," Polly whispered.

"Unbelievable," Tommy muttered. "Ya made me believe she didn't love me. That I was unworthy of her love. Why? Why did send that letter to her?"

"She was so in love with you. It broke my heart to watch her wait to hear from you," Polly tried to explain.

"So you sent her a letter telling her that I had died fighting? Why that, aye?" Tommy said angrily. He slammed his fist down upon the table, startling Polly with the sudden outburst. "It's ridiculous. Ya ruined her life."

"I did it to protect her. To have her mourn you, I wanted her to be surprised for when you came back. Except it didn't go to plan, and I cannot apologise enough to you for that," Polly explained. "I didn't think she would leave."

Tommy stood from his seat and shook his head in disbelief. "She sent you an address a few months later, you get that letter?"

Polly was silent for a moment. Tommy couldn't believe it. He flipped the table over in anger and frustration. He didn't care if he woke the entire street at that moment. The table crashed into the wall and the both of them watched it for a moment, both breathing heavily.

"You knew where she was all along and yer couldn't tell me?!"

"I knew that if I told you, all of this would come out. I didn't mean to hurt either of you in the first place."

Tommy squeezed his fists together. "You made me believe she left for no reason. Because she didn't love me nor cared about me. When in reality, you were trying to keep your secret hidden."

"I'm so sorry, Tommy."

Tommy shook his head. "I don't believe you. I saw her look at me as if I was a ghost. And all that was because of you."

"Tommy, please…"

"Shut it!" Tommy exclaimed. "You're supposed to be blood, Pol. I'd expect this from Kimber… but you?"

"Do not put my name with his. Don't you dare do that!" Polly was angered. "I am nothing like him. You know that, Tommy."

"Do I?" Tommy asked. "All this time you kept it secret from me. What else are yer hidin', eh?"

Polly sank to the ground, sadness overwhelming her. Tommy watched her for a moment. He knew his anger would dissipate after some time, and so he bent down next to her.

"I want to understand why you did it," Tommy whispered, his voice calm and steady despite the anger pumping throughout his body. "But right now… I don't. There ain't anything else that you're hiding from me, is there, Pol?"

Polly shook her head, the pain of the truth being exposed clawing at her. "No… no. There ain't nothing else."

Tommy nodded and stood. He walked towards the window and stared out at the empty street outside. After a moment, he spoke.

"She's engaged," Tommy's voice shook at the sentence. Polly was able to pick it up but she said nothing. He pulled out another cigarette and placed it in between his lips. It remained unlit.

"Does he care for her well?" Polly asked, her voice trembling.

"Financially, yes," Tommy replied.

"That's not what I meant," Polly said, slowly getting up from the floor.

"I guess he does," Tommy's voice was low.

"But not as good as you would," Polly whispered. Tommy shook his head sadly.

Polly moved towards him slowly, unsure of how he would react with the closeness between them. She was his aunt, and she had betrayed him on such a level that she could not forgive herself for what she did to him.

"If it is meant to be, she'll return to you."

"Don't," Tommy said. "Do not pity me."

Polly returned to the kitchen, knowing that her mere presence was aggravating him. She made herself busy as she tried to hide the emotions that seemed to creeping upon her. She silenced the sobs that escaped her body, she wiped the tears quickly from her eyes, and she kept her back to Tommy. But Tommy knew. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and placed it behind his ear before walking towards her. He placed a hand on her shoulder where she froze, and with ease, he pulled her into his body. She wrapped her arms around his body tightly and cried.

The secret had been exposed, and even though it was painful to think that one secret, one lie, had changed two lives. There was not much he could do for she was engaged to another man who took care of her. No woman could love a Shelby man, his father had told him that. And he believed it, as the doubt set in. They had a good time together, and then the war happened. She was no longer his. He could no longer touch her like she was his own. He could not make her his again. Except part of Tommy still clung onto the hope that there was still something there between them. He had felt it when he touched her just a few hours earlier, and he still felt it now. Tommy was not a man to feel any type of emotion, especially not now, but he felt it. The burn of his skin that made contact with her body, and the unmistakeable sensation of butterflies battling for dominance in his stomach.

No woman could love a Shelby man, he reminded himself.

Author's Note: The last couple of chapters have been edited. I received a review that told me I was misusing the word 'yer' so I have edited the past couple of chapters.