Author's Note: Here's a special chapter update, since I'm leaving town and will miss my usual posting date. This chapter is a bit of an experiment, inspired by the two months my roommates and I spent communicating through nothing but sticky notes left on the fridge. Constructive criticism, as always, is welcome.
The Conservator Conversations
Little bit -
One of your contacts called. Something about a finger in a stew pot on Corellia?
- Shiv
Cookie –
put a red lume on organizing the stuffing out of my half of the 'fresher shelves. That tick is edging from fun-tickles to scary-sure. Cosmetics need not be regulated according to size and alphabet orders.
- Ro
Ro -
The Guard barves kriffing lost Cad Bane again. Going to share my effing displeasure with the chizks.
- Wren
Artee -
Need to bail out Wren from the brig. Poorsa still needs that bath. Spice pudding for dessert?
- Ro
Ro -
Effing stop leaving kriffing self-help articles by the caf machine. I. Don't. Effing. Have. A problem.
- Wren
P.S.: Stay the fek away from my caf!
Shiv -
Your package arrived. It's ticking. I left it in Wren's room.
- Eda
Cookie -
Lok Durd spotted in the Rishi Maze by Republic Intelligence. Pack your traveling shoes, 'cause we a'going playing Hunter. :D :D :D
- Ro
Rule # 8: Republic Intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Rule # 8a: RI never gets it right, unless they get it wrong first.
Cheeka -
Going out for the night. If I'm not back in the morning don't fekking come looking for me again.
- Wren
Cookie-
I wouldn't have to come looking if someone remembered to pack his comlink.
- Ro
P.S.: Remember: Safety first! Stay away from strange Mistryl Shadow Guards and don't put anything in your mouth that isn't wrapped. ;)
Ro -
General Zey comm'd. He wants your mission report. He wouldn't specify what mission. Said you would know.
- Eda
Cookie -
Zey wants the sitch on the thing that happened you-know-where during the you-know-what.
- Ro
Cad Bane escaped from prison. Again
Cookie –
Convinced the judge to move the court date back a tenday. Don't threaten anyone at the Judicial Court with a knife until then.
- Ro
P.S.: Wear something see-through, wet or both. Finagled it so the judge's a fem this time.
P.P.S.: Not too clear on the details, but one of us owes the Clerk of Superior Court a date.
Eda -
Borrowed 300 out of petty creds to pay Wren's bail. Apparently calling a judge a blanking three-fingered blanked myopic blankedy-blank bishwag is holding the court in contempt. Good to know.
- Ro
Cheeka -
Eda comm'd about some fek concerning a backrocket living on a vaping planet no one gives a kriff about.
- Wren
Cookie -
Great note-taking skills. (Insert the sarcasm) Stellar news! Convinced Eda not to gut you. :D Not-so-stellar news! Promised her you'd do the aiding this summer when Shiv needs to check his fur for blood-suckers. :P
- Ro
P.S.: Wear your gauntlets. Those wrigglies can bite. :D
Lok Durd escaped from prison.
Eda-love -
Out hunting with Wren.
- Shiv
Shiv -
Make it quick. Bury the body. Don't get the clone's blood all over your fur.
- Eda
Eda, Shiv -
Cookie and I are hopping off to the sun and sand of Dorumaa. If Zey comm's, tell him we have bombad bad business on Zuliria; we're chasing a tribe of carnivorous Lepis with an ear-fetish and can't answer the comms. Lova ya bundles and we'll bring back some stellar souvenirs.
- Ro
Ro -
Where the fek is my left vambrace?
- Wren
Cookie –
Found your vam-thingy! Well, most of it. BTW, Poorsa needs a walkie to the vet. She chipped a tooth. Choclime twists for dessert?
- Ro
Shiv -
Enacca has her uncooperative hat on and is going on the refuse for getting Wren and myself some sweet exhaust ports for the Kessle run. Can you sugar-talk her around? I'm having the feel for something red and shiny.
- Ro
Ro -
No chance there I'm afraid. She heard about what you did with the larty on Felucia.
- Shiv
Mockingbird's security systems have been successfully upgraded. The ship is now 96.54% secure against infiltration. It is imperative to remember to punch in the correct code.
- R3-T3
Eda, my love -
The Artists Guild is screaming again about the lighting in the showroom.
- Shiv
Shiv -
I will be late for dinner. Nerf steaks and seaweed rolls are in the gasser. Where did you pack my stun gun?
- Eda
Little bit -
You and Wren go ahead with dinner. There's some trouble at the Artists Hall. Eda couldn't find her stun gun and took her vibrosword instead. If you see a lot of panicked artists on the flatscreen tonight, don't worry. Any visible blood won't be hers.
- Shiv
Cookie –
When getting your nightmeal from the conservator at some late hour, be careful and stay within top-shelf reach. I've got some specimens in there.
- Ro
P.S.: If one of the plasticlear containers starts rattling, just throw a topato in there. They need to be fed regularly.
Cheeka -
I don't know what the fek you had in that kriffing container but I slotted it. Next time you have some effing specimens, keep them away from the stanging kanali waffles.
- Wren
Rule # 9: Evidence, particulates, traces, slime, goo, gunk and anything that moves, goes on the fekking BOTTOM shelf of the conservator.
Ro -
Fekking stop trying to talk to Republic Intelligence. They have no effing idea what you're talking about.
- Wren
Ro escaped from prison. Costs for damages will follow.
Cookie -
The drain's clogged once again. Me thinks it's that green goo from the thing we agreed never to talk about again. Can you do your masc-thing and take a looksee?
- Ro
Cheeka -
I'm not your kriffing butler droid and it wasn't the effing green goo. I did find a fardling hyoid bone. You need to comm Ord Celbus. It might be one of theirs.
- Wren
Cookie -
Ord Celbus is telling they ain't missing any bone but a funny one. And a left hand, but that's a whooollleee different tale.
- Ro
Cheeka -
Then whose fekking hyoid did I pull out of the drain?!
- Wren
Shiv -
Don't kriffing use the nanowave. I have no vaping idea what Ro has in there, but last I looked it was still twitching.
- Wren
Wren -
Best stay away from the therma-slice as well. I've been tinkering with it, but the mealbread's still shooting up to the ceiling.
- Shiv
All of you -
Next person to abuse my kitchen will be cooked in it!
- Eda
Ro -
The hatch has been successfully alarmed.
- R3-T3
Artee -
Does this mean the viewport is startled, because last I checked the floor was taken aback. Candied bota fruit for dessert?
- Ro
P.S.: Have you seen our cache of flashbangs?
RI sighted Grievous on Mustafar. Pack warm-weather gear for trip to Hoth.
Cheeka -
Found the kriffing flashbangs. Your effing tinnie used them for the hatch alarms. I scrapped the vaping clanker.
- Wren
P.S.: We need more bacta and nerf jerky.
Cookie -
We're out of stick-flims. White-chocolate bread pudding for dessert?
- Ro
P.S.: Keep pointing your blaster at Artee and risk the firing potential of your private Deece. ;P