Authoress: hi. So sorry for taking so long. My mom's computer got a virus (were wolf go eat that malware programmer) and my parents blamed me. So, i am not going to get my own pc this year, and they also threw a fit over my black clothes. Sigh. So, i am very upset. I also considered running away, shush, but i chikened out. There was no where to go any way. The one good thing that happened was the iPod miraculously turnd on. Yeah. My pc use is pretty limited now but when the next chapter comes it is going to be exciting. Its the daytime, so dracue is hiding, gabby had some type of mission, and Carl is ... Carl, stop. Do not at any costs do that.

Carl: huh. Do what?

Authoress: stick a knife in a toaster! You could get electocuted.

Carl: zzzbiz agh, ouch.

Authoress: what a sight. Hair sticking up like Eugene from the kid's show adventures in odessy. Where is a spell chck when i ned one. Having fun blathering. Better go and find some burn gell for carl who is in hysteria. Read and review or you'll be...*good threat thinking* aha, you shall get tossed to the pet aliigator that lives in my swamp in the back of our house. That us true and not a joke.

Bat Brides and the TV Just Don't Go

So my parents left, we got the VH Co. over to my house, cleaned up Maddy's house removing all

evidence of our guests stay before her parents, and got Carl to finish the formula. We were all in my

basement: Carl coating weapons, Ienna sulking as usual, and Maddy and Anna having a chat. I walked

over to were Van Helsing stood fingering his tojo blades. "Hi," I said perkily. "Hello Hannah," he sighed.

I stared at him and realized two things, one he was depressed, either about not killing Dracula or about

not having the gut to propose to Anna, and he was getting restless. The second was easy to remedy. It

was sad that there seLemed to be no quick fix for the first. "Gabby," I said exuberantly, "do you think

you could teach me how to fight like a real hunter?" He smiled softly, "All the fighting you have done so

far has seemed pretty good to me." "It was chance," I protested, "or luck, or maybe Anna is right I do

have a guardian angel. But the point is, I think it would be useful if I knew something useful. (I have a

bad problem with repeating things) I just know a few crazy kung fu kicks and how to slash people to

ribbons with a sword. Not exactly what I would call talent. Or skill for that matter." How could he say no

to a speech like that? "All right," he said, eyes lighting up, "I'll start with the basics. When you go to

punch something, keep your fist like this, thumb inside or you could break it." I practiced a couple

punches on my dad's old punching bag. "Good," he said, "keep your aim concentrated, then snap your

arm out like this." We practiced a mock fight, then he proceeded to show me how to hold and throw a

dagger properly. Hopefully dad would never realize that the numerous holes in his bag were from

knives. When we got to the sword I told Van Helsing, "I've had several lessons, and know the moves

and parries." He nodded. "Anna is a much better sword fighter than me, and she has taught her sister

very well. Let's see you and her do a small practice fight." I groaned, but didn't say anything. "Ienna,"

the monster hunter said, "come here a moment." She looked up from were she had been sitting and

scowled. "Don't tell me what to do," she said haughtily, "its not as if you are my brother in law." Anna

blushed furiously and so did Gabriel. Madeline and I fluttered our eyes. Ienna stalked over to were we

stood and I could have sworn she growled at me. She went into the fencing poise, and stared

disdainfully. "Just parrying and binds," warned anna, "no trying to hit the other fencer." "Fence," said

Van Helsing, and our blades connected. I tried to circle the blade, but she came up to fast. She lunged,

but I ducked. Settling for a beat attack, I then feinted for her arm, but then came around the

underneath of her sword. She was barely able to black it. She countered with a fast feint disengage, but

I blocked it with Parry Four. "Very good," said Van Helsing halting the match, "in fact excellent. You

however, need to keep your arm straighter, and Hannah needs to move her feet faster." After

this, I went upstairs and prepared sausages and pasta. Yes, I a novice vampire hunter can also cook. And for desert I made lemon bars. While I cleaned the kitchen I had Maddy put on the second LOTR ( Ive seen a trillion times). Then Mads went home. I showed the Co to the guests rooms, then I went back down to the living room. I was to wired to sleep, so I decided to watch Van Helsing. Maybe Sommers had put an important clue into the script, or something. I had just to the point when Marishka disintegrates when I heard a gasp from behind me. I turn around and half of my popcorn goes flying. The three brides are right behind me. "I died," wailed the blonde, "I melted!" "What the heck are doing here," I gasped! My mind ran through all the possibilities on how they had gotten in. I reached for my sword and waited. "We were sent to kill you," hissed Aleera, but she seemed distracted by the television. I waved my arm around, "Hey, you are welcome to try." "Before we kill you," said Verona , "what was that?" "Thees," I said in a fake Romanian accent, "thees my dear ladies eez a moveez." I flipped my feet up on a couch, an idea hitting me like an avalanche of bricks. "If you don't be quiet I'll show you two dying in a truly gruesome way." They froze. "Are there other movies besides us dying?" She said, her voice tinted with nervousness. "Yeah. Hundreds," I said, "ok, this is the deal. If you like what a movie is, you leave me alone for tonight, ok?" "We are agreed," said Verona , "but we all have to like it." "Okay, sit down and be quiet." I better change the movie I thought, they definitely don't want to themselves being staked. I put on the second LOTR since it has lot of action. When that was over, Aleera and Verona liked it, but Marishka didn't. "I get to eat you know," she clapped. I quickly popped in the third LOTR and they hushed up. "I still didn't like it," Mariska said. Gritting my teeth I put on revenge of the sith. They really liked that."Another one," they clamored when that was over. It was really late, and I was really tired, but I went to the movie cabinet and found Mads had left Underworld. "This is boring," exclaimed Aleera, "change it immediately or I shall eat you." "Well, rich irony," I muttered, "for once I'm agreeing with a vampire!" "A really exciting one," said the blonde. Stumbling over to the movie cabinet for what seemed to be the millioneths time, I put on the mummy. "Im going to bed," I said, I had just tottered to the stairs when I bumped into something. "Oh its you count," I said sleepily, "shut off the light when you leave will you?" "Why aren't you dead?" He hissed in frustration and grabbed my arm. "Dead?" I questioned, blinking my eyes, "I don't know." At that moment the brides screeched. The mummy was sucking the life out of people and they were freaking out big time. "Don't let it get me," wailed the blonde clutching her fellow brides arms. I heard Van Helsing run down the stairs. "What is going on?" He demanded, surveying the 3 hysteric brides glued to the screen, the very irritated vampire king, and me about to collapse from lack of sleep. "You should be dead," roared Dracula, ignoring his longtime nemesis and concentrating his anger on me. "I think I am dead," I yawned, "a walking zombie or something." "Hannah," cried Anna from the stairs, "are you ok, and what on earth are you doing?" "Trying to save our skins diplomatically," I said eyes closing, "instead of running around with a sword, beating the crap out of nudniks!" The brides screamed again. "For murderers, they sure have weak stomachs," I said head nodding. Dracula released my arm and walked over to the screen. "What is this?" he demanded. "I don't know," I said going to sit on the stairs, "maybe it's a chicken with its head cut off that is still flapping hysterically!" Carl arrived on the scene, took one look at the screen, and screamed! "A weird bandaged, creature," he shouted, "what could be worse?" My eyelids sagged lower, then i collapsed on the steps and was out. _ When I awoke I saw I was in my bedroom, bright sun streaming through the windows. In a teenager's mind, nothing could be more pleasant than a Saturday. It was so nice I almost forget how tired I was, and how badly my head hurt. I slowly walked down the stairs, and seriously thought I was hallucinating when I saw Princess Anna Valerious, huntress extraordinaire looking at a cookbook. I passed this amazing event over and asked a more pressing question, "What happened last night," I asked with yawn that made the pounding in my head intensify. "They just left suddenly. I think it was about 5:30," she said, peering into the oven, "the sun was going to come and they wanted to get away before they melted." I raised an eyebrow at her "modern" speech. "What on earth are you doing?" I asked amazed that she even knew how to turn the oven on. "I made sweet buns and coffee," she said pouring me a cup. "How did you know how to operate that thing?" I said sitting on the counter and sipping at the "mud" black. "I read the quote operator's guide, and Van Helsing helped me," she explained. I shrugged and dug into the sticky bun. "Delicious," I announced, "even better than my mom's. Where is Carl and Gabby?" "Carl was a little, well, how do you say it? Indisposed…" "Under the weather is what we say here." I added, eyeing a second bun. "Anyway, he's in his room, not quite over the shock of that grotesque creature that he saw. Gabr… Mr. Van Helsing is cleaning his guns. "I was thinking," I said, as Anna sat down on a bar stool, "well actually Mads and I came up with a ugh, hmm, explanation on why the vamps want Gabby's ring." "Really?" said Anna all ears. I explained my theory about the ring or stained glass window they crashed through as being a transportation device. She nodded her head, "that could be a possibility." We discussed different stratagems and theories. "Great coffee,' I said approvingly, "so what do we do know?" "Find those vampires," said Van Helsing coming into the room. "Great idea," I said crossing my feet and going in for the temptation of a second bun. *the paranoia of having heavy hips* "but how are we going to do that?" "Well," said Van Helsing, "vampires like old abandoned mansions, crypts, and castles. You live here; do you know of any places like this?" I pursed my lips, "there is the old McAllister place about 50 to 60 minutes from here. Its pretty much in ruins, and has a graveyard. But there is something that has been puzzling me. I thought vampires needed to sleep in coffins, or lay in dirt from their homeland, or some rigmarole like that." "No," said Anna, "a dark room without light is all they need." "All right," I said, "let's get Mads old vamp gal, and go kick some derriere. Ah, crud, I forgot." "What," said Anna. "I have tae kwon doe lessons at 3. Man. To bad we won't be able to do any serious vamp hunting today." The afternoon passed pleasantly, and I had loads of fun with Anna and Gabby. It was like having an older brother and sis. "Okay guys be back at 3," I said. I stuffed a small vial of carl's potion into my black trench and rushed out the door. I got to the door of the dojo just in time. "Today we will practice with the katana sword, the preferred weapon in ancient japan," my teacher said. Glad for a chance to hone my fighting skills, I trained furiously till 5, when I called it quits. I was about to leave when my teacher stopped me, "the sword you ordered has arrived," he said bobbing his head slightly, "it is the finest quality and silver coated." I blinked. Had I ever ordered a katana sword in silver? Didn't think so. "I think there has been some kind of…" "Here you are," he said, "it was express ordered and has your name engraved on it." I shrugged, thanked him, and ran out the back door, eager to see Anna and the gang. I wove through a bunch of back alleys when a were wolf leaped in front of me. I stared in horror. A werewolf? Hey don't get me wrong, I love were wolves, but those creepy mutant whatever style wolf from van helsing were creepy. I like jake black wolves. For some reason a line from the charge of the light brigade entered my head. "Their's not to make reply, their's not to question why, their's just to do or die… 'do or die,' I thought, and did the only logical thing possible, I tucked tail and ran. I charged down another alleyway to see a dead end. "Not far," I screamed, "that's only supposed to happen in cheesy novels!" I looked at the sky and saw it was dark, and then I saw the four vampires blocking the entrance. "How thoughtful, A reception committee." The were leaped at me, but I ducked. The wolf crashed into the wall leaving a gaping hole. "Many thanks for the escape route commodore," I said and slid through. Pausing for the moment, I uncorked the vial and slathered the katana sword in it. "Come on wolfie," I yelled, baring my teeth, "its you or me now." It swiveled its ears and leaped. I held the sword straight and it leaped right on top of it. I tumbled to the ground, 2,000 pounds of dead wolf smashed into my chest. "Now I know how Gimili felt," I said in wry amusement, pushing the carcass off. I got to my feet and looked around. I was suddenly backhanded viciously and flew into a wall. I felt blood ooze down my cheek, and my jaw felt like someone had set a match to it. Touching my aching jaw, I glared a look of death at Dracula, and lunged, stabbing him right in the chest. Pain and agony swept over his face, and I stepped back sword in hand. "Master," screamed the brides. He clutched his chest. "Come on," I said, "be a good boy and die."As if in a reverse answer to my request, he straightened and smirked at me. "Oh," the brides said sentimentally, and gave him a hug. I rolled my eyes, thinking up a whole string of curses. "Another futile attempt to kill me I see," the count said airily, "why do you persist?" "Sticks and stones you jack***. Don't you see its elementary? You tried to kill me, I try to kill you. Now we're square. Savvy?" He gave me a disdainful sniff, then looked meaningfully at his brides."You hurt master," screamed one of them. I'm not sure which one as I was a little preoccupied at the moment. "Hey, you want to know something," I said, "don't ever keep me up all night again. It makes me very, very short tempered you quaso-moranic bimbos!" I yelled. "What did you call us," said Verona in rage."Deaf donkeys," I jeered, "a bimbo is a vacant-faced and empty headed person of low intellect. That is straight out of Merriam-Webster's dictionary, so there." I grinned as they charged at me in blind rage. I kicked Aleera in the jaw with my sliver tipped boot. "Agh," she screamed as it came into contact with her flesh. "Serves you right," I muttered rubbing my own aching chin. I wheeled around and slashed at the evil blonde's left hand. Her shriek of pain was so loud I thought I would go deaf. But to my immense satisfaction the wound did not heal. "My hand," she screamed, "why won't it heal?" Everyone stood back, and gave me wide berth. My lips twitched suspiciously, and I probably would have laughed if the Vampire King hadn't sent me a look that chilled my bones.. "Why do you keep thwarting my plans?" He roared. "Me?" I asked, feigning innocence, "why don't you go ask that question to G. V.H." "Don't play dumb!" He roared again, and I winced. "Listen dude," I said loosing patience, and starting to feel nervous, "I am a kid, you and Gabe are 1000 years old. That is a little unfair to blame all your problems on a squirty teenager, unless you are not as bright as you claim. Maybe after living so long you start to go a little, well, senile." His eyes grew red, and I realized that I probably should have left out the last part. I looked around for an alternate escape route, and froze, as I saw Christopher Walker leaning against a doorway, a sardonic smile on his to handsome face as he eyed the scene. I was so distracted I didn't even realize when Marishka punched me in the face. Until I actually felt the pain. "H***fire, you dudettes are so annoying!" I exclaimed. I dropped into a crouch, swung my foot in a low arc, catching the blonde in her gut. She gave a hiss and sprang forward, scratching my already very injured face. That was when I made up my mind. The EVIL BLONDE MUST DIE. I did a back flip and an inverted cartwheel, when I noticed Chris boy wasn't trying to help me. As I traded blows with Marishka I tried to puzzle out why he wasn't lending assistance. He didn't appear to be mind controlled so what was his problem? "I am going to murder you!" I shouted in his direction. As everyone turned to see who I was yelling at, I stabbed blondie bimbo in the heart. She just crumpled. "From the dust we came, to the dust we shall return," I quoted. Aleera was howling in pain, and Dracie was just staring in disbelief. They scrammed, wanting to get away before another shared the same fate. "Okay, start explaining yourself wise guy," I yelled at Chris. He shrugged, "You were doing fine on your own." "Oh really," I screamed, going into one of my tantrums, "you call this fine?" And I jabbed at blood running down my face. "Try to calm down," he said, "and talk things over sensibly." "You're a bloody traitor, a coward…" I was howling at the top of my lungs, "and I am never talking to you again." He sighed, and walked over to where I was standing. "I was just watching you," he said, "you were amazing." "No excuse," I ranted, "you are an evil…" I never finished the sentence as he swooped in kissed me. Just a gentle peck, but still. I would have sworn my eyes turned red, and I punched him so hard blood appeared. "I loathe you," I shrieked. "The feeling is mutual," he added calmly enough, dabbing at his lip. I just stood there staring at him in outrage, then I blushed, then I sagged against the wall, feeling totally wiped. "Need a hand?" He asked cautiously. I stuck my tongue out at him, made a face, then spat on the ground. Reading those signals that I was p***ed out big time, he backed away. I straightened, then ran away as fast as my shaking limbs could carry me. "Whatever happened to you?" exclaimed Anna in a nervous voice as I entered the house, "you look like something the cat brought in." "Or the vampire." I muttered. I saw the startled looks on everyone's faces, and they barraged me with questions. "Just get me an icepack," I snapped, holding my injured jaw. Anna quickly brought one, and I flopped on the couch, boots and all. "Well," I said as everyone grouped around me, "Marishka is dead." "Way to go," said Maddy, coming in the front door. She looked at my wounds and grinned, "And I thought you said Lycans were better than vamps." "Shut yer trap," I growled, "and Dracula was not killed my Carl's magic abracadabra thingy." "So way not to go," my friend said, twirling her pink highlight around her finger. "Let me see that paper," I said to Carl, who was all morose, "I can't believe it didn't work, as his vampiness did seemed worried about it. Ok. Holy water, check. Wolfsbane, check. The three prayers, check. Blah blah blah, check. What is this," I asked pointing to the bottom half of the page that had been cut cleanly in half. "I don't know," said Carl apologetically, "it was like that when I discovered it." "So we have a chance," I said smiling mirthlessly, "Dracula was afraid of this formula. So all we have to do is find the missing part, and bam, we have a dead fanghead." "Let's get this done," Van Helsing said, and we all slapped our hands together. "I really should go home," said Maddy, "my parents think I'm in bed. I just had to come over and see how you guys are." We said goodbye, and she ran out the door. I went into the kitchen to forage for a snack, when I heard a shriek. Throwing open the window, I stuck my head out, but didn't see anything. Three seconds later I get a call. "Hi Hannah," came Maddy's frantic voice, "I'm dangling about three hundred feet into the air!" "WHAT!#!" I exclaimed. "Yeah," came her strained voice, "I think its Aleera." "Wait, go back. What happened?" "Aleera kidnapped me!" she screamed into the phone, "and you need to do something about it." "Which is what?" I said timidly. "You're the brains," she screamed again, "figure something out!" I thought I heard a cackle. "All right girlie, I'm on my way. Just answer yes or no so batty bird up there doesn't hear. Do you have any weapons?" "Yes," she said tersely." "Ok. Phone me when you can. We are on our way." "Curse you Dracula," I yelled as I went into the living room and dropped the bomb. Everyone was shocked, then scurried into action. We collected every single possible weapon, then I rushed to my parent's second car. " Do or die," I muttered, intending to drive the car myself. "You aren't old enough to drive," Anna informed me. "Here," I growled, handing her the keys, "you drive. But don't get caught by the coppers." She did a little dance, then hopped into the front seat while I took the passenger. I instructed everyone to put on seat belts. "Put the key into the ignition, pull that gear thingy, then press that button down there." The words where barely out of my mouth when the car went flying into the street. "Anna, slow down," I yelled, "press down on that thingy there." She answered by pressing harder on the accelerator. "I am so driving next time!" I gasped, feeling whoozy. "Turn the corner there, left, left. Good, now right." She did a crazy turn and I slammed into the wind shield. My phone beeped. It was a text from Mads, "they stuck me in this decrepit old room," it read, "and im really scared. Hurry up or my ghost will haunt you. I am on the second floor of the McAllister mansion." "Hold on Vamp girlie," I wrote back, "we are coming." If the situation wasn't so serious I would have laughed at her next text, "Not anymore. Im a lycan now and when I see you I'm gonna eat you. Hurry up." I slammed my phone and promised myself that I was going to kill that blasted vampire, or die in the attempt.

Drac: you are going to kill me?

Authoress: go away. I have a really grave foot ache from thise evil red fire ants, and the start of a tan from working in my moms garden. I am really mad. Go away.

Carl: you dont want a tan? But thats craxy. Every single girl in the world wants a tab.

Drac: except vampires.

Carl: i wish youd get a little more sun. Then we wouldnt have to be bothered with you.

Drac: little mon... I mean friar, you are about to die.

Authoress: interupts. As i was about to say, when you are goth you dont want a tan. Now please seal the word port while i read this newspaper article on the hunger games.