It's been a good week. I got to know some pretty amazing people this week.
How was everyone's Thanksgiving? Mine was... interesting to say the least. I won't take up too much of the author's not because of it, so if you really want to know then tell me through a review or pm. Let's just say a lot of commotion happened because of a cute little bunny.
Who watched BTR perform at the Dolphins-Cowboys game? They were amazing. Literally left me speechless. I watched it over and over again. :)
So thank you so much for all the reviews and everything else, you guys are so sweet to me. I'm so thankful for all of you.
AN: I don't own anything.
Hot tears kept escaping his eyes but he doesn't even bother to wipe them away because he knows they will never stop. His life was crashing down. Sobs racked through his body as it shook uncontrollably. His heart was pounding so hard into his chest that it actually hurt and he was sure that someone could hear it. But at this point, he really didn't care. Logan stumbled backwards in disbelief. How- no, she wasn't dead. Right? His brain wasn't functioning properly. He couldn't think straight. All he knew was that Camille was gone, and that he couldn't live with that pain. He was breathless though he wasn't even sure why. The dull ache in his chest was irking him and his tears blinded him.
Before he realized it, his back hit the blank white wall behind him. His heart was racing and his mind was not in its right place. He needed to get away. Then, before he knew it, he was running. The wind rustled his hair and blood was pumping through his veins. Logan squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds in an attempt to stop the tears, but it was impossible. More and more tears keep spilling over the brim of his bloodshot eyes and press against his cheeks before they fall to the ground as he runs against the wind.
He didn't know where he was going at first, well at least his brain didn't. His legs however, carried him as far as they could and before he knew it, he was standing in front of the Palmwoods. He runs inside, ignoring all the strange and concerned that were being directed towards him. He was crying. He was hysterical by the time he reached their- no, his apartment and his shaking hand made it even more difficult for him to open the door.
Even looking at the apartment made his heart ache. This was going to be the place that he and Camille lived together until they were older and moved out of the Palmwoods. They hadn't even had the chance to actually live peacefully in there yet. But all those small, sweet moments were the ones that haunted his mind now rather than the unpleasant ones. Logan would never see Camille in this apartment again. He would never have the chance to live with her. His knees wobble, but he doesn't let himself fall until he reaches the bathroom. On the way, he shields his eyes from looking towards the bedroom. That room would hurt most of all. Suddenly, he's in the bathroom. He doesn't even know what he's doing. He can feel his hands fumbling around. What was he doing? He can't think straight. He pulls something out but he can't seem to make out what it is through his tears. It was small and round and before he could stop himself, he can feel himself unscrew the cap off the small jar. He was numb. He couldn't even feel his body anymore. Everything that was aching from heartache before was now dulled. He gulped, eyeing what he had just brought to his mouth. What was it? He rubs the tears out of his eyes so he can see.
A pill. Not just any pill though, a sleeping pill. Why did they even have these? Logan didn't even know. He stares at the pill that lay on his pale palm. He could end the pain and stay this numb forever if he wanted. He could fall asleep, never wake up but see Camille again. He could hug her and kiss her again if he swallowed a couple of white pills. The pill is smooth and it almost tickles his lip. He parts my mouth open slightly, ready to pop the pill in.
Was he really going to do this?
A scene flashes through his head.
"Logie," Kendall whines, "Hurry up!" He begins to glides across the ice, twirling his hockey in between his ice cold hands while waiting for Logan to finish tying the laces on his skates.
"Yeah Kendall, I'm coming. Quit whining. Why don't you just start with Carlos and James?" he asks, barely looking up.
"Logie, nooo. We want to play with you. You're our best friend."
"Kendall, you're being ridiculous, you know that? This isn't the first time we're playing hockey and it most definitely isn't going to be the last time," he pulls his laces together and lets them fall when he's done. "There, all done. Happy now? Let's go play."
"Yeah, let's go!" James shouts from the other side of the rink while he skates over with Carlos. "Let's play some hockey." He places his hand in the middle of them all as Logan, Kendall and Carlos stack their own hands on top of his. They cheer and then separate into two teams.
Logan and Kendall skate flawlessly to one side of the rink while James and Carlos skate to the other.
A little while later, their game of hockey is in action. "Go James, you can do it!" Carlos shouts from the goal. "Wait, watch your back! Logan's there."
James smirks, not expecting for little Logie to catch up to him. But, he's wrong. Soon, he's pushed to the side and has the puck stolen from him. "Logan, hey!" he whines, beginning to chase after him.
"Yeah, Logan! Keep going, you're almost there!" Kendall cheers, clapping his hands together.
Logan swerves around the ice effortlessly and then shoots the puck with so much effort that it scares Carlos. Carlos duck and the puck slides in.
"Carlitos! What were you doing?" James whines, but he's not mad. In fact, he's amazed at how much skill Logan has gained ever since he's moved to Minnesota.
"Hey, it's not my fault. I got scared," he pouts, "Logie's gotten better."
Kendall, laughing comes up behind Logan, clapping his back. "Good job, bud. You were amazing." Logan smiles broadly. He never thought the "Kendall Knight", the star of the hockey team, would say he had skills, but then again, Logan never thought he would be best friends with the "Kendall Knight". In fact, he never thought he would ever have any friends at all when he found out he was moving to Minnesota. He was the nerd, the guy who was always picked on, but now thanks to his friends, he was so much more and he couldn't be more thankful.
Kendall pulls him into a sideways hug, both of them smiling. "Really, buddy. I'm proud of you. You're almost as good as me," he boasts, wrapping both of his arms around his friends.
Logan gasps. Could he do this to his friends? Could he cause them all this pain when they were the ones who made his life a thousand times better? Logan pulls the pill back a bit, away from his mouth. Could he?
Another scene flashes through his mind.
"Logie…" Camille whines, "Come on, don't be a baby." She reaches up to caress him cheek as he stares at the roller coaster. Camille tries to move his head so that he looks at her but fails miserably. His chocolate brown eyes are glued to the large ride in front of him.
"It's so high," he squeaks, finally looking at her.
"You're adorable when you're scared, you know that?" she asks, laughing as he stares at her like a deer in headlights.
He blushes, looking away from her. She gets on her toes to kiss burning cheek and then grabs his hand to guide him towards the short line. There aren't many people ahead of them, just a few other teenagers and they should be gone by the time the next cart comes around. The previous cart comes back and the passengers exit as the next few climb aboard. Logan and Camille are left behind to watch. Camille squeals in excitement as the cart races down a steep slope. Logan shrieks, his mouth hanging wide open.
"Cami, please don't make me do this."
"Uh, uh. You're going to do this Logan. I'm sure you've done so many worse things with the guys before, right?" Camille asks pointedly, raising her eyebrows.
"Well, yeah, but that's not the point. I only do those things because they force me to." Logan mentally slaps himself for saying that. Now, he knows exactly what Camille's going to say.
"Well, I'm forcing you to go on this coaster with me." She laughs at the expression on his face. "You're really cute when you're scared," she repeats.
Then, Logan knows what to do. He leans in a kisses her. His arms wrap around her waist and for a second she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling on the small hairs on the nape of his neck before pulling away. Her mind is a little foggy, but she understood what he was trying to do.
"Logan Mitchell! How dare you try to distract me? We're going on this ride," she says, but it's not as strong as before. She slaps his arm, pouting.
Logan smirks as he watches his strong girlfriend lose control. If there was anything that could soften her up, it was a kiss from him. They made her knees feel wobbly and made her mind foggy. Continuing to smirk, Logan leans in to kiss her again, attempting to talk her out of the roller coaster. This time, Camille falters, but is unable to push Logan off of her.
"Mmm, does this mean I don't have to go on?" he murmurs against her lips, squeezing her waist.
By now Camille has gained her strength back to push Logan away. "Logan!" she whispers harshly, "We're making out in the middle of an amusement park! And yes, of course you have to go on." But not even her embarrassment can hide her amused smile. "Come on," she says, grabbing his hand and sitting down in the second seat from the front as other people fill in the empty seats.
The ride starts up, and the people all around him start screaming excitedly. He briefly thinks of his BTR concerts but they only difference was that he was scared. He squeezes Camille hand tightly in his as if to reassure himself.
"Whooo!" Logan squeezes his eyes shut in fear. He can feel himself fall up and down the hills on the coaster. His stomach, surprisingly, is at ease. He opens one eye, and then the other, and soon finds that he's enjoying himself.
"Yeah!" he screams, grinning ear to ear. He looks straight ahead, anxiously waiting to go through the crazy loops and hills.
Soon, the ride is over and Logan jumps off smiling. He pulls Camille into a hug, holding her close. He can't believe he actually enjoyed the ride. Now, he needs to thank Camille for making him go on.
"Thanks for making me go on the roller coaster, Camille! I had so much fun. Let's go again!" he shouts excitedly.
He looks down expecting her to meet his eyes so he's surprised when he finds her shaking form against his chest and his t-shirt scrunched up in her fists as if it's a lifeline to her.
"Hey, Cam, look at me. What happened?" He tucks his index finger under her chin, bringing her porcelain face up.
Her bottom lip quivers slightly. "I got scared," she admits, blushing.
Logan laughs, not at her but at the reverse roles. It wasn't often he saw Camille, his powerful girlfriend, actually scared. "See? Now you know how I felt." He smiles satisfied, holding her close when he figures that she doesn't want to be let go. He kisses her dark brown curls, savoring the moment.
"I love you," Logan whispers into her hair, rubbing her back soothingly.
"I love you, too," she answers in a shaky voice, her arms securely wrapped around his torso.
Logan almost smiles before he returns to reality. The pill is clear as day now. Tears fall. He would never be able to do something as simply as that again with Camille. He was going to do it. He couldn't live without Camille. And if Camille was gone, what was the point of living? He pours more pills out so there are at least five there. There, that should be enough. The limit was two after all. He open his mouth and brings his hand up to his mouth, ready to swallow them when they're knocked out of his hand.
"Logan! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Kendall yells angrily, pushing Logan's hand so the pills are thrown across the bathroom.
Logan's shocked. How was Kendall even here? But, he's angry. He didn't want to live anymore. He wanted to die.
"Why'd you do that? I don't want to live without Camille." Tears flow down Logan's red cheeks. He pushes Kendall back, desperate to find the pills.
Kendall grabs his shoulders, shaking him. "Are you freakin' crazy? What about us? How- why would you do that to us? Why? Don't you love us too?" Kendall is crying too. He can't believe that he almost lost his little brother.
"Of course I love you. I love all of you so much, you've made me who I am, but I can't- I can't do this without Camille. She's the love of my life. I saw her in so much pain. Do you know what it feels like to not even be able to kiss your girlfriend or even hug her or touch her because you think that you're going to hurt her, that she's going to fall apart in front of your eyes? She suffered so much, Kendall. And- and now she's gone. I can't live with that pain, Kendall. I can't move on. I know- I know that she's gone th-through so much worse, but I miss her already. I can't live without her. I need her." Logan slides down the bathroom wall crying into his knees.
"No, I don't know what it feels like, but, Logan, bud." Kendall rubs Logan's shoulder. "She's our best friend too. We've watched her suffer as much as you have. I know we don't live with her like you do but that doesn't mean we love her any less."
"You know you panic too much, right? I bet you're not even thinking straight right now. Camille- she's not…dead. Well she was for like a minute Logan, and it was so scary. You weren't even there and when- and when they came out to tell us the news, we all thought she was, and we didn't know what we were going to tell you. But then the nurse told us that they were able to revive her. She's alive Logan," Kendall cries. He doesn't say more, the fact that Camille was breathing at the moment was enough for them.
"She's- she's not?" Logan asks in shock. He can suddenly breathe, he's not panicking as much anymore. In fact, he almost smiles though he knows Camille is nowhere near okay. But, at least she was breathing and right now, nothing could take that away. Tomorrow would be another fight, another battle, but he would face it head on if it meant that Camille was with him.
"No, she's not. As soon as you ran out, the doctor came out to tell us that and I ran after you." Kendall sighs, running a hand through his dirty blonde locks. "You almost did the stupidest thing today, Logan. I'm forgiving you for that but I'm not forgiving you for being so selfish. Didn't you think twice about what you were doing? About what we were going to go through once we found out? Did you even think about whether or not Camille would want you to do it, because Logan, I know Camille wouldn't. She would want you to continue living life. Living life doesn't mean you would have to forget her. What you almost did today was more than stupid. Wouldn't it be bad enough that we would've lost Camille, but you too? That would have broken us all beyond repair." Kendall sighs, his frustrated and tears of sadness mixed falling down his pale cheeks.
"You- we were all so scared today Logan. She's our best friend. I was so scared, I wanted it to be a nightmare. When the doctor said she flat lined for a minute... it was as if I went numb, but then he told us that she was alive and I couldn't have been happier. I want this whole day to be just a bad dream, Logie. I want to wake up and find that the trial went fine and we're all living comfortably at the Palmwoods."
Logan goes over and hugs him as Kendall breaks, sobbing uncontrollably in his arms. "I'm sorry Kendall. I'm so fucking sorry. I thought about all of you, but I guess I didn't think enough about how much this was going to effect all of you. I'm sorry. Don't tell Camille about this, please. Don't tell anyone, Kendall, they're going to be crushed." Logan whispers, stroking Kendall's dirty blonde hair. The taller teen shakes in his arms, hugging Logan tightly.
"I-I won't L-Logan, but if they f-find out, I'm sorry." Logan's heart breaks hearing him sound like that. He sounds so tiny, so weak. Not anything like the Kendall Knight everyone knew.
"I'm sorry, Kendall. Forgive me."
AN: How many of you were expecting that? This was so sad, I was choked up as I wrote it. The second memory/flashback was to show how simple and normal Logan and Camille's relationship used to be. That and I liked writing it. I wanted to get away from some angst even if it was for a short time. But, I don't know, I think most of the ending was out of place. Eh.
Yeah, Camille's not dead... for now. Their battles aren't over yet. I couldn't kill her off especially when so many of you were counting on me not to. So to those of you who have stuck with me, thank you so much. I can't ask for better readers and supporters. I love you all so much.
And... today's my little sister's birthday. I love her to pieces and even though she's not on this site or anything, I just want to say happy b-day through the internet as well as in real life. Love you, sweetie! :)
So... review?