I don't even know how I even wrote this. I typed it on my iPod and then got on a computer, copied and pasted it on Word and realized that it was over five pages long. Anyways, thank you for all the reviews, pms, favorites and alerts!
Random note... IT SNOWED! I'm excited and even though I'm not the biggest fan of winter, I've missed the snow. The last time it did was all the way back in October. Too bad it's only like two inches on the ground.
AN: I don't own anything.
I never thought that I, Camille Roberts, would be standing in front of a therapist's office. Then again, I never thought I would let my parents get to me in the way that they did. I never thought that they would have such a effect on me to the point that I would cut. So here I was standing in front of the small, cozy looking building waiting for Logan to catch up with me. Despite how welcoming and warm the small building looked, every part of my insides felt like the exact opposite. I was terrified. A part of me wanted to turn around and run back into the car yet another, bigger part of me told me to stay because I needed this. I needed to fix myself before I got worse.
"Hey," Logan's warm, sweet voice tickles my ear as he whispers into it. He wraps an arm around my waist and I immediately move closer to him. The secured arm provides support for me as I use my crutches. I hated relying on him for everything. I couldn't even walk without his help. I felt pathetic. Sometimes I got frustrated and snapped. He never got mad. I never understood that- why didn't he get mad at me? He would always keep his distance until he was sure I was okay with him being around. I didn't deserve someone as amazing as him even though he always told me I did.
"Hey," I greet back. We walk, at least he walks, as I hobble using my crutches, into the small building.
He signs us in and we sit side by side on one of the soft leather couches that were set out in the waiting room. I look around. It all looked so welcoming and homey but this wasn't where I wanted to be. I wanted to be curled up on the couch with Logan in our apartment, exchanging kisses and sweet words. Now that I think about it though, I couldn't remember the last day we did that. It had been too long. Everything had been completely taking over our lives that we barely had any alone time together. Even when Andrew was dead, he still managed to ruin everything. But I couldn't blame him for everything. I had cut and a big part of all this was my fault. I had let too many things spiral out of control.
"Camille Roberts?" an unfamiliar voice calls out. I look up at the mention of my name and find a short, light brown haired woman standing at the doorway.
I stand on wobbly legs. Logan seems to realize this and grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly. I squeeze back, more as an attempt to calm myself than to show affection.
"You'll be fine. Just breathe, Cam," Logan whispers reassuringly in my ear, sending shivers down my back.
We walk into the room the short brunette leads us to and watch as she sits down in the leather chair behind the large wooden desk.
She smiles at us warmly. My insides clenched as I faked a smile. I couldn't smile. Not now. Not when I was with a... therapist.
"Hello Camille. I'm Dr. Coleman. You're free to call me Amanda if you would like," she greets, holding out a hand for both Logan and I to shake.
"Hi, Dr. Coleman," I squeak, reaching out to shake her hand timidly. I hated how small and weak I sounded. I wasn't supposed to be like this. I wanted to be the strong, confident girl I used to be.
Logan lets go of my hand and instead, wraps it around my waist. "Nice to meet you, Doctor," Logan says as he nods curtly in her direction. He squeezes my waist, reminding me to breathe and stay calm.
I couldn't think. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and I could feel it pounding against my chest. My stomach was doing cartwheels and it felt completely empty. My legs were almost shaking out of nervousness and if it continued, I was sure to collapse.
Dr. Coleman turns away from us to go through her files and as she does, Logan's lips immediately graze my ear. "Baby, please, calm down. You're going to hurt yourself." His lips teasingly kiss the shell of my ear and he nips at it slowly. I knew he was trying to distract me, but today was the one day it wasn't going to work. He kisses my cheek and then the side of my neck softly. Still not distracting. He realizes this and sigh in defeat, turning away just as Dr. Coleman turns back around.
"Okay, I found your medical files. Now..." she looks up at us, and smiles softly, "I would like to do this session alone with Camille. Is that alright?" she asks.
I nod, looking at Logan. He sends me a pleading look. He wanted to stay. He thought I wasn't going to be alright. Was I really that messed up that he couldn't even leave me alone for an hour or so? "Logan, go," I plead, "Please, I'll be fine."
He nods, giving my waist another squeeze and kisses my temple, before closing his eyes, sighing and leaving the office.
"Take a seat, Camille," she tells me as she sits down herself.
I slowly sit down, closing my eyes and forcing myself to breathe.
"He's your boyfriend?" she asks in a light voice. I was kind of surprised to say the least. That was the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth.
"Yes." Frankly, I was surprised at the confidence in my voice. I expected it to be shaky but I could never have a shaky voice when it came to Logan.
"He seems like a nice boy. He loves you a lot, you know," she says softly. She was only stating the obvious and telling me what I had heard many times before, but it still made me happy after hearing it again.
Not that I minded talking about Logan, I was confused as to why we were. I mean, I was at therapy and here I was discussing my love life with a woman I had met quite literally five minutes ago when I should be talking about my "problems".
"I know." I gulp the lump in my throat. Maybe this was going to be easier than I thought it would be.
She fiddles with her fingers, still keeping eyes contact with me. "How long have you two been together? A couple of months?"
I can't help but laugh. A couple of months was nothing. In the last couple of months, Andrew has managed to ruin everything but our relationship. If anything, he made it stronger.
I guess she took my laugh the wrong way because she asks, "Less? I guess teens just fall in love faster these days."
"Oh, no," I stop her, "I only laughed because a couple of months is nothing. Logan and I have been going out for almost four years. Our anniversary is in two months," I say happily. Nothing could stop me from being excited for that. Four years of being with Logan has been a blessing and nothing could stop me from spending the entire day with him.
"Wow."
I nod, just slightly blushing. "Not that I mind, but why are we talking about my relationship with Logan?"
"I like to get to know my patients better before starting. I like knowing them as a person rather than a patient. So, now, I'll tell you a little about myself. I graduated from NYU and moved out to California. I got married and I have two kids, Sophie and Tom," she smiles fondly, touching one of the picture frames on her desk. She looks back up to me and takes out a few more files. "Okay, so let's get started now."
"Okay," I speak softly, just loud enough for her to hear me.
"Tell me what happened," she states. It sounded too... simple even when everything about my story was too complicated. I didn't want to tell it to her even though I was sure she knew. How could she not? All those files in her hand probably held my story somewhere. I didn't want to end up in tears in front of a woman I had just met but I was sure I would if I told her.
"Where do you want me to start?" I say quietly and then pause. I hear my voice getting louder and I let it, I wasn't going to lower my voice. "Do you want me to start by telling you how my mother left in the middle of the night without any warning at all or do you want me to tell you how my father went from being the perfect dad to some abusive monster and throughout it all, I never even knew why? Or do you want to know how my father beat me senseless and I had to protect my three year old brother because I was afraid our father would hurt him?" I was yelling and angry and tears of sadness sprang to my eyes. I didn't know where all this bitterness was coming from. Maybe I've been bottling it all up and this was my one chance to take it all out.
But Dr. Coleman didn't seem fazed. Instead, she had a blank look on her face. Anger boiled up inside of me. It only made me yell more and still I didn't know why. "Or- or do you want me to tell you how I cried to myself every single night because I was only eight and no one loved me?" A sob escapes my quivering lips. "My father kidnapped me and- and-," I break off, bringing my knees to my chest and crying into them. What was wrong with me? Why was I yelling at this poor lady? She never did anything to me.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I'm so sorry. I usually don't blow up like that- I just-." She holds her hand out to stop me. I reach up and wipe away my own tears.
"I'm sorry too. No one should have to go through all that," she wipes a few stray tears from her own eyes, looking at me. "Don't apologize though. I don't mind- just by blowing up, you've proved to me that you'll heal. You've come to terms with what happened." She reaches over and pats my arm.
I nod shakily. I didn't want to talk anymore but I knew I would have to. At least the hard part was over...
"Hey Cami," Logan chokes out as I attack him into a hug. My crutches are on the floor, now forgotten. He rubs my arms and back affectionately, dropping a kiss on my head. "What happened?"
I close my eyes and hug him tighter. I didn't care that I had only been away for about two hours; all I knew was that I didn't expect to miss Logan so much. I hadn't realized how attached I'd become to Logan. It was almost suffocating if I was away for him too long. Maybe this was what true love- love that could never be broken- felt like.
"I missed you," I shrug and then stand up on my toes to kiss his cheek.
"Aww," Logan says as he pulls me back into a hug, " I missed you too."
"Let's go," I whisper, taking his hand in mine as he picks up my crutches.
"How was it?" he asks as he pushes the door open.
"It went better than I thought it would. We talked about what happened and what I went through and stuff like that. I think she's going to help."
I look outside. The empty parking lot that was present when we first came wasn't empty any longer. Instead every inch of it was covered by paparazzi.
I closed my eyes. I didn't need this. Not now. Not when everything was finally going well. I didn't need the paparazzi to make up some bizarre story as to what I was doing in a freaking therapy center.
"Camille! Camille! What are you doing in a therapy center?" Of course that would be the first question to come out of their mouths.
They shoved microphones in my face and the constant questions buzzed in my ears. I moved closer to Logan using my crutches. I tried to look away and ignore them, but it was hard. Logan pushes both of us through the crowd, his hand on my back.
"Guys, please move," he begs. "Just leave us alone."
I begin to follow him but I'm held back. I look over my shoulder to find a man holding onto one of my crutches and then moving it before I can react.
Then, I'm falling. But, I never reach the ground. Instead, I fall straight into Logan's arms.
"What the hell guys? Who do you think you are? You're damn lucky she's not hurt and that I'm not going to press charges. Get out of here! Go!" Logan screams, still holding me close as he stands up. "Please, just leave us alone."
Clearly the threat of pressing charges frightens them enough to go away. "Cam, let's go."
He holds open the door for both of me and I get in as he follows. I snuggle up to his side, running my thumb over his jaw line. "Logan, calm down. Please. I'm not even hurt."
"It's not just that. I'm tired of people ruining even the smallest amount of happiness we have. Can't everyone just leave us alone? I have you and our friends and that's all I need. I don't need some people spreading rumors and watch within some time, they'll already have made up some stupid story as to why we were both in a therapy center. I'm just... tired. I'm just tired of all of this. But I have you and all our friends and in that's the thing that makes everything better. I love you," he whispers, pecking my lips.
"I love you too. Logan... do you think I should release a press statement? I don't want fake stories just storming around. Maybe it's time that I take this under my control."
He looks at me a bit surprised. "If you want, then I think it's a good idea. The paparazzi just needs to stop making up stories about not just us but everyone."
I nod in agreement. "But for now, we have the whole day ahead of us to spend... together." I emphasize, teasing him as I wrap my eyes around his neck.
"Mmh, I don't mind at all," he trails off, kissing my cheek and then grazing his lips over my cheek to my lips. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," I say, giggling into another kiss.
Things weren't fair for us and we didn't always get the happiness we desired but we were Logan and Camille after all and nothing ever came simple to us. But like Logan said, we had each other and in the end, that always made everything better.
AN: Hope you all liked it! I don't know how I did with the therapy session so I would like to know if I did a good job or not.
School's being a pain again and I have too many projects and homework due and too many tests and quizzes to study for so I'll try my best to update whenever I can. Hopefully, the next chapter of AMLP will be up later this weekend too.
So... review?