Hidden Feelings
Author's Note: Attention students. Attention! Now that I've covered a couple of things I wanted to see on the show, I'm ready to continue shaping the story up on its own. From now on Fluffy's text will be in italics and he's also considered a main character. Not as much as Todd, but closely following him, if not just a strong supporting character. And now, let's get back to our good pals as they leave the school. (This chapter may astonish some of you)
Todd's POV
"I'm free! I get to leave the school early and this time there isn't a kindergarten bus ride!" I exclaim. Fluffy claps for me. "And it's all because of you Fluffy!" He smiles. "You're the best!" He purrs as I hug him around his quills. We continue talking, or at least I'm talking, as I carry us down the stairs with both backpacks and my skateboard. Fluffy rides on my shoulder and he faces me so I don't prick myself.
"How'd you come up with that?" I ask him, he shrugs. "And why did you do it?" He holds his index finger up signaling me to stop asking. I guess he can't really act things out when my shoulder is his only platform. Then I remembered something.
"Hey Fluffy, earlier didn't you ask me what was stopping me from waiting for the kindergarten bus to leave?" He nods. "Then I think I can read your lips." Fluffy grins.
"Oh really?" He mouths.
"I think so. You said; 'oh really' right?" He nods. "Then I can understand you when I watch you speak!" I exclaim. He jumps once for joy and almost slips off of me. "Whoa. Hang on tight pal." I say as he gets back on his legs. "So we can communicate now can't we?"
"I guess so." He responds. It's pretty satisfying now that he doesn't have to act out his thoughts. We make it down a few more flights of stairs and continue.
"So what motivated you to give me a helping hand back there?" I ask as I face him.
"You looked sad and kind of desperate." He's got me there.
"I kinda was wasn't I?" I say. "But how were you brave enough to attack Mrs. Jewls head on?"
"I knew she'd be too scared to fight back." That's pretty true. "And she doesn't have official authority over me." I'm a little confused.
"Did you say she doesn't have authority over you?" He nods. "But couldn't she have punished whoever possesses you?"
"Of course, but she had no idea I was with you." So that's why he wanted to stay hidden. That makes sense.
"Well thanks. For a minute I didn't know whose side you were on." He smiles and shrugs. "But whatever happened, consider us even." Suddenly he licks me behind the ear. "Ha, ha! That tickles!" He licks me a couple more times as I chuckle. "Let's keep going." After about eight more minutes we're on the ground level and just as I'm about to walk out I bump into Louis. "Hi Louis!" I say enthusiastically.
"Hey Toddster." He responds. "Hey. Isn't that Maurecia's porcupine?"
"Who him? He's only my new best friend!" Fluffy pats my cheek.
"Awe. He's adorable!" Fluffy giggles. "I didn't know you two were friends." Louis says. I chuckle a couple of times.
"I don't think either of us knew either. Did you pal?" He shakes his head. "Nope. Doesn't look like it."
"How'd you two become friends?" He asks.
"I let him out of the bag today and fed him." Fluffy nods. "And he just got me off of the kindergarten bus." Louis grins.
"Whoa. That's pretty cool. I didn't know porcupines were that smart." I shrug.
"But enough of that Louis. Are there any news about Maurecia?" I ask. Fluffy looks at Louis smiling.
"Well… I haven't heard anything since yesterday." Both Fluffy and my expressions change in unison.
"Are you sure? Is it possible she woke up yet?" I ask desperately.
"They said they'd call us if she did." I feel a tear land on my shoulder. When I turn to the side I see Fluffy sniffling and small tears are forming in his eyes. "I'm really sorry Todd." Louis says with sadness. I try my best to sound positive.
"Okay. Thanks for the update." I say sadly as I walk outside. For a minute I'm pretty good at containing my tears, but seeing and hearing Fluffy crying on my shoulder is heartbreaking. Eventually I start crying to. "Sorry Fluffy." I say as I stroke his back, I accidently poke my index finger on a quill. "Ow!" I exclaim. Fluffy grabs my hand and licks my wound. I can't help but smile, I'm still crying, but smiling at the same time. "Thanks pal." I say. He sniffles for a second then smiles back.
"You're welcome." He mouths to me. I set my skateboard down and then a couple seconds later we're on the road. After a couple of minutes neither of us are crying anymore. Though we still have a lot to talk about.
"Fluffy." He faces me. "We're still friends when Maurecia wakes up right?"
"Mm hm." He hums as we pass the kindergarten bus after it stops.
"And we're still friends at heart after I leave Wayside?" He flinches.
"Hm?" He makes a questioning sound.
"It's nothing personal. I just don't think I'm very happy there." I say. "Besides I'm not satisfied with my standards list."
"Huh?" I hear him mumble.
"I have a list of standards that I want completed before the week is over. But I think on Friday my dad wants my final decision. And it's still going really slowly. I only have one of them cleared so far." We make it to the sidewalk next to my house. "And I still have three more."
"Can I help?" He mouths. My eyebrows lower.
"Sorry Fluffy but you weren't a factor when I wrote them down." I say as we enter my house. "Hi mom!" I say with excitement. She's on the couch doing work on her laptop. She's a college teacher but does all her grading and tests online. So she often doesn't leave the house unless it's a meeting day or something like that.
"Hi sweetie." She responds while putting her computer aside. "Is the bus back already?" I grin.
"I didn't take the bus." I say. She notices Fluffy on my shoulder.
"Is that a porcupine?" She asks sounding both a little scared and surprised. I chuckle and grin.
"Yeah. His name is Fluffy." I respond while stroking his top quills slowly to avoid poking myself.
"You named him Fluffy?" She asks looking concerned. Fluffy grins and folds his arms.
"He's not my pet mom. He just needs some hospitality until Maurecia comes back." She raised an eyebrow.
"Maurecia?" She asks. "You mean that wild girl who you said punches you all the time?" I roll my eyes.
"Yes mom. And she's also the girl I injured yesterday so Fluffy needs a place to stay." Her smile turns into a frown.
"Todd. We need to discuss that." I feel my shoulders are being weighed down. I'm honestly a little scared because I've never been in big trouble before. At least not at home. If you're fourteen and you have no siblings, it's not hard to stay out of trouble.
"Okay…" I say really slowly. "Are you going to punish me?"
"We'll see. But I think we need to discuss what happened and why you did it." I turn to Fluffy.
"You want to be part of this?" I ask and he shrugs. My mom takes initiative.
"And we're not keeping him for very long." She says while I roll my eyes.
"Why not? He's potty trained." I turn to him. "Right?" He nods. "Here watch." I open the front door and he steps outside. "Just knock when you're done." My mom looks kinda annoyed.
"Todd, I'm sure he doesn't understand everything you say. You should probably make sure he doesn't run off." I chuckle.
"What? And invade his privacy? Do you expect people to walk in on you in the bathroom?" She frowned.
"Todd, I thought you said you're the only one in the school with common sense." I grinned again.
"I thought I was." Fluffy knocks on the door. "But it seems Fluffy has it as well." Fluffy gives her a thumbs up. Her annoyed frown turns into an impressed unsatisfactory face.
"Okay I guess he can understand you." She agrees reluctantly. "But this is still something we have to discuss." I roll my eyes and grab an oven mitt.
"Fine." I then sit on a chair and Fluffy hops onto the armrest. I begin petting him with my covered hand. "What do we need to talk about?" I ask.
"A couple of things. One, your father says he wants your final decision on your school by Friday morning." I flinch.
"You mean this Friday?" I ask half scared. "I only have tomorrow to think about it!" She nods.
"The school says it's alright if you return, but they want to make an official announcement to all the students so they can welcome you back. They don't want to do that and then not see you show up, and your father doesn't want to keep paying for you to get a new school ID. Registration costs money you know?" I nod at that.
"But why can't I think about it over the weekend?" I ask.
"Because your father and I are kind of impatient right now. And honestly if you're going to hit people at Wayside then you're probably not safe to the students there." I frown.
"It was one punch mom. One punch! That girl has been punching me for the past year and a half and now that one unlucky punch hurts her, you think I'm dangerous?" I honestly thought that was pretty ridiculous.
"Not necessarily son. But there are rumors that everyone in Wayside has a twisted brain. This punch could be a red flag to your sanity." I glare. "You didn't ever try asking her politely to stop?"
"I've told her many times mom. But she never listened." Fluffy nods reluctantly.
"And you never told a teacher?" She asks.
"The teachers in the school have no concern over anyone's safety. If they did, then they wouldn't send you home on the kindergarten bus after you save the class from a horde of glow guppies!" I begin shouting closer to the end of that. Fluffy scoffs and folds his arms.
"Todd, I think you're imagining things. That's not safe and the school should be sued for that sort of thing." Well she is a teacher so she gets it.
"Tell me about it." I say. "But Fluffy is my witness when I say that I've taken constant abuse and humiliation every day." Fluffy gives her a thumbs up.
"I'm impressed you trained this porcupine to agree with you but-" I interrupt.
"I didn't train him. He just became loyal to me this morning."
"Well let me get to my point. Punching someone is never the answer to anything Todd." I sigh.
"I know mom. I was very agitated at the time and I regret doing it." She looks a little sympathetic.
"I know that sweetie. But you cannot undo that action." I sigh.
"I know. And it hurts me on the inside to know that I did. But after she hit her head on the wall, I carried her to the ground level to the ambulance." Fluffy smiles and faces me. I feel like a hero again.
"That's very generous Todd, but is she okay?" I'm a little scared to answer this.
"I don't know." She gasps. "She's not dead but it's uncertain when she'll wake up." I hate saying that sentence out loud.
"Well Todd it's over and there isn't anything you can do about it." She says looking very serious. "And as punishment you aren't allowed to bring your skateboard to school tomorrow." My eyes widen.
"What!" I exclaim. "That is not fair mom! What does my skateboard have to do with anything?"
"That you will need to go to school with everyone else on the bus. These could be your last couple of days at the school. You should spend as much time with your friends as you can." Fluffy growls at her.
"I think Fluffy is my only true friend." I say.
"And he cannot go to school with you." Both of us gasp in the same second.
"WHAT?" I nearly scream.
"Calm down son." She says quietly. Fluffy glares at her.
"Mom, Fluffy is the only person, or animal in the school who understands my feelings 100%. I was in a horrible mood this morning and he spent the entire day trying to make me feel better." He turns towards me and makes a semi-sad smile. "He's my best friend." I say. My mom looks astonished.
"You really do care about him don't you Todd?" She says.
"Yes I do. And he cares about me as well." I say hoping she'll understand.
"I just don't think it's right to have pets in school." I immediately respond.
"Maurecia has brought him into the school every school day since he was born. Wayside is a portion of his life." He nods. She finally speaks up.
"Okay Todd. You can take him with you."
"Thanks mom." I say.
"But you will need to ride the bus to and from school tomorrow." I nod.
"So be it." Fluffy nods with me. "Thanks for the talk." I get up and take off the oven mitt. Just as I'm getting to my bedroom door I hear her make one more comment.
"If she's not back at school by Friday you'll need to leave Fluffy with Mrs. Jewls." I close the door as she finishes that sentence.
"Let's hope that doesn't happen." He nods in agreement. "Well Fluffy, welcome to my room." He looks around at my collection of video games, action figures, and books. Yeah, I have my own personal library containing every book I've read since I learned how to read. I kept them all because each one is another adventure I once dreamed I was in. I noticed Fluffy seemed interested in the books.
"What are you looking at?" He points at my shelf. "You like my books?" I ask and he nods. "You like reading?" He shrugs. "Does it surprise you that I'm sentimental about literature?" He shakes his head. "Are there any books you recommend I check out?" He pauses, turns around slowly, and then nods. I wonder what is on his mind.
"I do." I see him mouth. A casual smile appears on my face.
"Okay cool. What's it called?" I ask. He puts his hands together, chuckles, then makes direct eye contact with me.
"I know you'll enjoy it." I notice he says. I shrug.
"Well I'm always open to reading new things." I say. "So where can I find it." He holds his pointer finger up for a second.
"Though, please know you can't keep this one." I'm instantly confused. "Is that alright?" He asks.
"Okay I'm a little slower now. Did you say I can't add it to my collection?" He nods. "I guess it's not a huge deal, but do you have any books on you?" A mischievous grin appears on his face and he crawls towards Maurecia's bag. "Uh, what are you looking for?" I ask and I notice he pulls out a purple covered book with Maurecia's name on it. I immediately know what it is.
"Is that Maurecia's diary?" I ask and he nods a few times. I make a concerned frown. "Fluffy you know I can't read that." He looks a little sad.
"Awe, why not?" He asks. Does he even know what kind of things could be in it?
"Fluffy, a diary is a private book with personal events the person writes that they never share with anyone. Maurecia's deepest and most unknown secrets could be inside that book." He nods. I realize Maurecia tried to share secrets like this when I was principle for a day, but other than that I never came close to learning things she doesn't tell anyone.
"Come on Todd." He says. "You know you want to." I roll my eyes.
"No Fluffy, I don't want to." His mischievous grin disappears. "I don't think she'd be comfortable with me reading this, and honestly neither would I." He looks defeated. "Have you read it?"
"I've been with her while she wrote in it." I suppose that makes sense. I guess if Fluffy was paying close attention to her while she wrote it there wouldn't be anything too embarrassing to see in there or he'd tell me first. I pull out my standards chart.
"Before I read anything else, I should update this." Fluffy jumps onto my bed. "These are my standards." I say. He looks over my chart carefully.
"1. Get Maurecia to stop punching me:
2. Stop getting sent home early: √
3. Gain respect from classmates: √
4. Find something I can say I care about that can ease the pain."
"I think I can check off the second one since I've avoided the bus for two days straight now." Fluffy frowned, not angrily but rather unexpectedly. "I'm guessing you didn't know I made it through the day yesterday did you?" He shakes his head.
"No I didn't." He mouths. "How'd you manage to do that?" I shrug for a second.
"Kidswatter didn't care about me hurting Maurecia." Fluffy's expression changes as I speak. "So he gave me a diplomatic immunity pass and Mrs. Jewls couldn't send me home for that issue." He sighs. I guess he feels like getting me out of it today didn't mean as much now. "But hey. That's two standards now, and assuming I don't get punished again, starting on Friday I get my skateboard back." He points at the last one.
"Should I mark that one?" He nods. "What thing would I use for the standard?" He points his thumb at himself and I sigh. "Fluffy, you're a nice pet and you've greatly reduced my pain today, excluding that fight we had this morning, but you're not my pet." He looks a little disappointed. "You're not something I can verify is mine. If Maurecia gave you to me then I guess so, but you don't belong in this house and you're happier with her anyways." Fluffy sighs and picks up the diary.
"Please read it!" He says. My unamused frown returns.
"Fluffy, that is a private book and it's morally wrong to observe it." He rolls his eyes. "Does Maurecia try to make her life an open book?"
"To me." I see him say. "But there are some things you should see before making you're final decision." I don't doubt that. But it's still very risky. I'd imagine everyone with a diary has some events they'd rather share than others, but Maurecia once wrote me a love note and then threw it in the trash before giving it to me. I think there are a few things she's too shy about to reveal to me.
"Fluffy…" His eyebrows rise in a prayerful motion.
"Please?" I see him say. I'm confused as heck right now. Formerly his goal was to scare me away from Maurecia but now he wants me to read something that holds her feelings and daily perspective? Is he trying to get us together? It seems so odd for Fluffy of all people to do that. In just a short time I can tell he's learned to trust me and wants me to trust him. But Maurecia is the only person he loves. I may be his friend but he doesn't love me. It'd take time before he could bring himself to caring about me, especially with our history. But… is he trying to care about me? I know he wants me to stay at Wayside now but he's not my only concern. He's not even my pet. And furthermore if I went back in time to meet myself yesterday, or any day prior, past Todd would've never believed Fluffy would be his friend.
"Well…" His eyes and smile widen. "Maybe if I only read Monday's it'll be okay. She probably doesn't have that much to say." Fluffy scrolls through the diary and stops on Monday, November 12th. I open it up and set it on my lap. Fluffy jumps onto my bed and sits left of me. I begin reading it out loud.
Monday Morning
"-Dear diary, I don't know what to expect at school today but as long as I get to see Todd then I don't care! I'm still counting down days until graduation so we can officially be together." I stop for a second. "She's really planned her whole future out hasn't she?" Fluffy nods.
"-He's so cute! And every time I see him I feel an inordinate amount of excitement travel throughout my body. I feel my heart pound against my chest whenever he's near me. He's the only one who can do that. And by the time the school year is over, I hope to have him by my side every day for the summer. This summer was unbearably boring since I couldn't see Todd for three months!" I can't believe I'm reading this. It's pretty adorable.
"-But today I get to see him! I'm very privileged to have a classmate as smart, charming, and caring as him. And now that the bus has arrived he's probably in the school. I need to go find him." I pause.
"Okay Fluffy I'm very surprised to read that sort of thing. But about fifteen minutes later she tried punching me." He nods.
"I know." He wasn't far away during that time. "I actually encouraged her to hit you again." I didn't quite understand that one. He was in on this? I raise an eyebrow.
"Fluffy, you wanted her to hit me again?"
"Mm hm." He hums and nods shamefully. "I said punching you harder leads to you getting her feelings better." Now I'm slightly annoyed.
"Fluffy, you do realize if you'd convinced her to stop she wouldn't be in the hospital right now, right?" He nods again. "So part of this is your fault."
"I know." He mouths. I know he's sorry now but I've felt extremely ashamed in the past couple of days about that incident. I didn't know he was partially responsible to the circumstances leading to the event. But now that she's in a coma all we can do is say we're sorry. He reaches out and flips the page for me. "Keep reading."
Monday Afternoon
"-Oh no! Todd just recently left school with a temper! He sounded extremely serious and that glare he gave me, it haunts my soul. I tried punching him harder but it wasn't clear enough to him. Maybe the force I used was too overwhelming. Or maybe I hurt his poor head on the gumball machine." The next part catches my attention.
"-I actually thought he was hurt and wanted to make sure he was okay. But he impressed me when he got up immediately and ignored his injury. He's very tough but now he sounds adamant about leaving. I need to think of an idea to keep him here! And quickly!" I stop after that.
"Okay Fluffy I think that's enough of that for now." I say as I close the book. He shakes his head.
"You need to read Tuesday morning." He mouths and I sigh.
"No Fluffy. I don't want to know what she wrote before I knocked her out." He looks a little sad but I think what I'm doing is necessary.
After a couple more hours we get to dinner. My dad made us a grilled chicken but I'm not really in the mood for greasy food tonight. Usually grilled chicken is one of my favorite meals but my appetite is a little lower today. I bring Fluffy to the dinner table and he sits next to my plate. I fix him up a bowl of salad.
"Son. Where'd you get a porcupine?" My dad asks.
"He needs someone to take care of him while Maurecia is in the hospital." They both sit down.
"Well Todd." He says. "I'm actually pretty upset you injured someone." I sigh.
"I know dad." I admit.
"But honestly, you should've told us about it last night." I can agree with him.
"Dad I didn't feel as bad about it last night." I say.
"Why not?" My mom asks. "Why weren't you concerned about it before?"
"I never said I wasn't concerned. I just didn't know how bad her condition was." My dad sighs.
"Son, you can't hit people." I shove a bite of chicken into my mouth. "Have you ever hurt anyone before?" I finish chewing.
"No dad, I haven't." I say. "But I have been hurt daily by this girl and the adults never did anything about it." He looks disappointed. My mom jumps in.
"Well sweetie, have you spent time making your final decision?" I nod.
"We both think you should go back." My dad comments, Fluffy flinches. I only sigh.
"You do?" He nods.
"If you're getting in fights with people at Wayside-" I interrupt.
"It was only one unfortunate punch dad! And she wasn't supposed to fall down the stairs." His eyebrows rise.
"You punched her while you were next to the stairway?" He asked.
"No. She wears rollerblades instead of shoes each day. She just happened to stay on her feet after the impact was made." I look back to my plate. It's getting harder to make eye contact with my parents.
"Okay son. We know you're not going to hit anyone again. But do you really want to continue going to a school where the principal ignores the children, the teachers don't report students for hitting each other, there's no elevator provided for students on the thirtieth floor, food makes children very sick, and you can be sent home halfway through the school day?" What I hate is my dad just reminded me all the reasons I wanted to leave.
"No dad. I really don't." Fluffy gasps. "But I've done so much for the school that it might not be safe for me to leave." He shrugs.
"Can you please go into further detail?" He asks.
"I've made the school day more efficient for most of the students who go there. When I was principal for a day I literally had to keep the building from falling with my bare hands." Fluffy flexes his arm.
"So the school isn't safe?" My mom asks.
"No it's safe and it's safe because I helped make it safe." My dad smiles.
"Well son, if you want to stay, I won't stop you. But I would like to know by Friday morning because it's getting late into the semester and grade check is coming up. If you're going back to your old school you'll need to get caught up on a bunch of things before semester tests." I finish my chicken leg as he says that.
"Okay dad I will." I stand up and clear my plate along with Fluffy's now empty salad bowl. "Can I go play some video games now?" I ask. My mom responds.
"But we still have so much to go over." She says worryingly. My dad grins.
"Sure son." She turns to him looking a little annoyed. "Let's let Todd have the rest of the night off. He's been a good boy this year and we haven't shown him how proud we are." I smile at that.
We get into my room, I play games until about nine thirty with Fluffy cheering me on, then I think it's time to go to bed. I take of my shirt and my green pants and toss my pillow on the floor.
"Okay Fluffy I didn't really plan this out ahead of time so I'm just gonna give you my pillow." I say as I unfold the pillow case. Fluffy crawls onto the pillow and lies on his side. I then cover him up with the case. "Are you comfortable?"
"Mm hm." He hums softly. I can imagine he's pretty tired after he had to sleep in a locker all of last night.
"Well goodnight." I say as I turn off the lights. I only hear Fluffy yawn and a couple seconds later he's out cold. I lay in my bed for about five minutes but I still can't sleep for some reason. Sometimes insomnia hits me. But what's causing my insomnia? Love? I have been thinking of Maurecia a lot lately, but I don't think I love her. If I did then I think I'd know. I think about it for a couple more minutes and then twist my lamp on. The bright light flashes but Fluffy remains sound asleep. I feel the cause of my insomnia is curiosity. No one likes that feeling because it only keeps them from knowing the truth but they can't just let go of it. I don't want to do this, but a small part of me says I need to. I turn over, grab Maurecia's diary and flip to yesterday's date.
Tuesday Morning
"-Dear Diary. It's 6:30 A.M. I'm at the school on the thirtieth floor, with my best friend Fluffy, and I'm waiting for my Romeo Todd. I just had a talk with my dad about my feelings and emotions. He seemed pretty impressed at some of the things I said about Todd. Specifically on how I admire every quality he has and I cannot describe how I feel when he's around. I've tried many times but even I inevitably can't describe to, even myself, how wonderful it feels. My mom always tells me to cherish my blessings, but Todd is a blessing I couldn't be more thankful for. He's so cute, caring, honest, and simply exceeds every expectation I had planned for the perfect boy, he's just too perfect in every possible way. But today, my dad has told me that my punching could be the thing driving him away. He cannot leave Wayside, it'd be too much for me to have to go through! Even though I only met him last year, I cannot imagine my life without him! It's not a life I want to live and I love living. But a life without Todd in it wouldn't be worth living for me. But today's the day he'll be mine! The first chance I see him today I'm going to skate up to him and, not punch, but hug him! I'll hug him tightly, gently, and very warmly. I know how compassionate he is so he may protest at first due to that mood he was in yesterday, but I know he'll calm down soon and eventually hug me back. Then if he's comfortable around me, I'll pull him to me slowly, hug him so tightly we'll feel each other's hearts beating against our chest from the intensity, then I'll finally get to whisper 'I love you' into his ear. Oh! His bus won't be long now! Today's the day I can finally show him how much I love him, even if he doesn't say he loves me back, I need to be brave. I need to overcome this intimidation that has held me back all this time. I better get to the school yard so I can practice my confession! The first time I see Todd today, I'll give him that tender, soft, and warm hug! It's time to greet him with open arms and an open heart."
Author's Note: … Goodnight Readers.