Profound Sadness
Author's Note: Attention Readers, this story has been a lot of fun for me to write and I'm not sure what to do next after this story is over. Maybe I'll write another story. Maybe I'll write a sequel. I don't have it all planned out yet but this story came off easier to write for me because of all the puzzle pieces Wayside School has built up. Putting all the pieces together is what lead this story to its creation. Anyways, let's move on to Todd.
Thursday
After reading that last page, it was even harder to fall asleep. I've read romantic stories before, but none of them were about me. Most of the night was me thinking about how much Maurecia must love me. The other portion was sadness over the fact that she won't likely return until the week ends. The reason I left my old school was because of an accident I caused towards the kindergarteners, but I only left because I was ashamed. Now I'm even more ashamed. I got maybe three and a half hours of sleep at best due to this undying sadness. I don't know how to overcome said sadness now. She actually was going to hug me this Tuesday and now look what I've done. And what's worse is now I have to go back to school again today and the school now looks like the place I committed an act of violence with unpredictable impact in my eyes. It's nauseating. I notice Fluffy wakes up next to me.
"Eyaaaa… heh." He yawns while stretching his arms. It's nice to know that at least one of us slept well.
"Good morning Fluffy." I say tiredly. He looks up at me with a concerned frown. "Did you sleep well?" I ask. He nods a few times then points at me. "No Fluffy I didn't." He looks sorry for me and hugs my leg. "Thanks pal." I say as he caresses my lower leg. "I just couldn't stop thinking of Maurecia." Fluffy flinches for a second, and then he makes a loving smile.
"Oh yeah!" I see him say. I truly cannot believe he likes this. Maurecia is the reason Fluffy used to hate me, but now he doesn't seem want us separated.
"Fluffy do you actually want me to get together with Maurecia?" His smile widens and then he nods quickly. I'm surprised. "You do? I find that hard to believe." He smiles and shrugs. "But why?"
"Because you're nice." He mouths. "And I can tell you care about her." I never thought I'd hear that from Fluffy of all people. He'd always try to get rid of me since we met, but now he approves of me? As a person that's one thing, but as Maurecia's boyfriend? He's really matured.
"Well Fluffy, I do care about Maurecia." I hear him sigh contently. "And if we're really lucky, she'll be at school when we get there!" He jumps with joy. "Let's go!" We exit the room and I leave my skateboard, and Maurecia's bag behind. I made myself a turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Fluffy. He eats the first half for breakfast and the other one is for later. I proceed to fix myself a cheddar sausage and an egg. Then a while later I get on the bus, ride it, then approach the school. On my way in I see Louis.
"Hi Louis!" I wave.
"Oh hey Todd, hey Fluffy." He walks over to us looking a little nervous.
"So have you heard from the hospital yet?" He sighs.
"No Todd I haven't." Fluffy frowns in sadness. "They haven't called us yet."
"So she's still in a coma?" I ask.
"I'm afraid so Todd." This hurts me on an emotional level. "Have you decided you're going back to your old school or not?" It also hurts me to say this.
"It looks likely." Fluffy sniffles.
"Wow Todd. That's a real bummer. It looks like Fluffy doesn't want you to leave." I turn to Fluffy.
"I know." I say sadly. "But my dad told me he doesn't want me to be at a school where the teachers don't care about me." Louis frowns.
"Todd, don't say that. I'm sure Mrs. Jewls does care about you." He says. I roll my eyes.
"If I didn't have Fluffy with me I'd need to ride the kindergarten bus again." I say. "Mrs. Jewls ignores my presence until I get into trouble." I add.
"Well today Mrs. Jewls came in and she looked pretty depressed." I raise my head a little.
"Why is that? Did something happen to her?" I ask.
"I'm not sure. But she said she'd like to see you before school starts." I wonder what this is about.
"Oh really? Then I got to go!" I start running up the stairs. "Thanks Louis and goodbye!"
"Bye Todd. Good luck." He calls out as I get out of his sight. I make my way to the top floor not reducing my speed one time, I pass some of my classmates but I don't bother stopping to talk to any of them. When I'm about to enter Mrs. Jewls classroom I set my bag on the ground and tell Fluffy to get off of my shoulder. I don't think she wants to see him this morning.
"Good morning Mrs. Jewls." I say as I enter the room. She's crying quietly at her desk.
"Todd." She sniffles. "How are you this morning?" She asks. I honestly can't say for sure.
"Well, not very happy. I had a rough sleep and a depressing dream. But I'm still committed to coming to school and doing my best like always." She smiles as another tear falls down her face.
"That's a relief." She sniffles and cries for a few more seconds.
"Are you okay?" I ask. She looks up at me.
"Todd, I wanted to say thank you for saving me from Maurecia's enraged porcupine." She says. As much as I don't want to, I tell her the truth.
"Mrs. Jewls." I catch her attention. "Fluffy was with me all day yesterday and he's with me today to. He actually planned on attacking you if you tried to send me home early again." She looks shocked.
"He did?" I nod.
"But I wasn't aware of it until after it happened. And I'm sorry for the pain you had to endure." She smiles.
"It's okay Todd. Honesty is always important." She continues crying. I feel like she has something she's hiding.
"Seriously Mrs. Jewls, are you too sad to teach today? I'm sure we can find a substitute." She stops.
"Todd… I owe you an apology." She says and I flinch. I've waited a while for this. "I've never really been able to treat you like the other kids because you're… different." I raise an eyebrow.
"I am?" I ask. "Is it because you thought I was a monkey when I first joined the school?" She shakes her head.
"No Todd. I thought you were extremely cute." I'm flattered in a weird way. "I thought you were too cute to be one of my students." I smile awkwardly.
"Okay, but what does that have to do with me being different?" I ask.
"Because you're… normal. I've never taught a normal kid before and I didn't think I'd be a good enough teacher for you." I suppose that figures but it's not fully understandable. "You're much smarter than everyone else and sometimes I was worried you'd graduate too quickly." I'm so confused right now.
"Are you saying you liked having me in class?" I ask.
"Yes Todd I do, or did if you decide to leave the school. You're a quick learner and extreme strategist. I love teaching you students and I'm worried you wouldn't be here for very long." I'm truly surprised.
"You love our class?" She stops crying and nods.
"Yes Todd. You children are like a family to me." I didn't expect to hear that. "I was an only child who grew up with a single father who was super strict and always had something to do. He's an extremely hard worker and he chuckles at pain and the doubt of incredible responsibilities." I did meet her dad once and he seemed pretty badass. "But he didn't have a lot of time to spend with me when I was growing up. I always thought he wouldn't accept me as a daughter because I wasn't anything like him."
"You were worried he wasn't proud of you?" I ask.
"Yes Todd. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with him because he was always looking for another task to complete. When I went to my school, I took any opportunity to be with my friends as I could. Then after my twelfth grade year, it was over. I missed my friends from school and still do. But my closest friend became my boyfriend and later, my husband." I've never heard her say talk about this.
"Is he nice?" I ask before she begins crying again.
"He was nice." She says. I know she's implying he died. "But one day he got into a horrible accident." I frown sadly.
"Do you want to talk about it? Do the other students know?" I ask trying to comfort her.
"No Todd, they don't. But it's a sad story. He was a very strong builder who would make houses for people. He always put in more effort than anyone I'd ever seen, excluding my dad. But two years ago in the summer, as he was climbing down the ladder, there was an earthquake. The force was so powerful he fell off the ladder and the ladder fell on top of his head. He went to the hospital and they were certain he'd wake up in a few days. But after about a week, his heart stopped, his brain bled out too much, and he passed away." I feel what feels like a sword being inserted into my heart. A very similar thing happened to Maurecia two days ago and it's because of me.
"Was his condition intracranial hemorrhage?" I ask. She sniffles.
"It was later epidural hematoma. But they thought it was intracranial hemorrhage until he was dead." I feel a tsunami of tears coming for me.
"But… Maurecia has that condition right now." I say with my voice breaking. She gets up.
"Todd. I hope it's not fatal." I begin crying.
"Me neither! But I've heard brain injuries are often more lethal than other conditions." I continue crying for a few seconds until suddenly, Mrs. Jewls hugs me. I quiet down a bit.
"Todd." She whispers. "It's alright." I hug her back.
"Are you sure?" I ask. "What if the same thing happens to Maurecia?" She sighs.
"It'll be a shame. But it's not your fault Todd." I disagree.
"Actually a lot of it is." I say. She squeezes me a little.
"Todd, you were just frustrated. And that feeling comes to everyone at some point. But you shouldn't feel bad." She says.
"I shouldn't?" I ask.
"No sweetie. You're a very good student here at Wayside and I enjoy having you in my class." I'm pretty surprised.
"Then why do you always send me home early?" I ask.
"Because I was worried you'd graduate when everyone else was in their sophomore year." She says. "You're very smart and very determined. You did every homework assignment through twelfth grade already. I felt if you stayed all day you'd learn too quickly and you'd leave us sooner." In all honesty I could qualify to attempt for college at my current age, it wasn't my plan from the beginning but maybe I could've pulled it off.
"Well Mrs. Jewls. It was never in my best interest to not live my full eighteen years in my house or experience my thirteen years of school. I'd miss out on so many things other students get to go through, like prom, senior night, and yearbook photos, and graduating with everyone I spent my class time with." I say. "And I really don't like the kindergarten bus because it's loud, obnoxious, and reminds me too much about why I left my old school." She stops hugging me.
"Well Todd, I won't send you home on that bus again if it really means that much to you." I smile.
"Thanks Mrs. Jewls." I say.
"But keep in mind that I'll miss you when you leave school after this week." I sigh.
"Why are you saying it now of all things?" I ask.
"Because I didn't think you'd understand before now. My husband died before your class came in and I immediately felt lonely. Why else do you think I taught this class your seventh grade year and now I'm doing it again for your eighth? It's because I wanted to see you all again and Kidswatter doesn't care who I teach." I suppose that does make sense.
"But Mrs. Jewls. Why am I so special compared to the other students? Why am I always the only one who goes home on the kindergarten bus?" She smiles lightly.
"Because you're a caring, loving, and responsible kid Todd. I knew you leaving at noon wouldn't hurt your education and, at first I was still feeling bad for myself at my husband's death and you were the new student I could discipline easily." I frown.
"No kidding."
"But later I realized how hard you work all the time and thought maybe the kindergarten kids would try to be more like you if they spent time with you. I see so much of my father in you Todd. Except you aren't strict at all. You try to be social and spend your time with everyone." I never thought I'd hear her say all this. "And I don't want you to leave the school either Todd. I've never had a student like you before and I'm not sure anyone else has. Wayside has improved really greatly since you showed up and it's still evolving." I guess I need to think it over.
"I'll take all this into consideration." I say. "But I now look at this school as the place I injured someone who I never believed actually cared about me. If Maurecia doesn't come back today then I don't think I'll be able to come back. It's too painful." She looks a little sad.
"I understand Todd. And I'm sorry I wasn't a better teacher while you were here. You've been an outstanding student and I'm truly proud of you." I hug her one more time. She hugs me back.
"Thanks Mrs. Jewls. I really appreciate it." I say.
"And thank you for helping me stay at the school when my dad tried taking me away. I know you can do better than him when you have a family one day. You'll make a wonderful father." This whole conversation made me rather sad but also proud. I never knew how much I meant to Mrs. Jewls or the rest of the school for that matter. About fifteen minutes later the class shows up and Maurecia still isn't here. I'm pretty disappointed she couldn't make it, but I need to try keeping my head up until it's all over. When class starts Mrs. Jewls stepped into the middle of the room.
"Can I please have everyone's attention?" She asks and the class looks up. "This may be our second to last day we'll have Todd in our class." Everyone turns toward me.
"Really Todd?" Myron asks. "Do you not like us anymore?" I lay my chin on my desk.
"It's not like that." I say. "This school is just becoming too painful for me."
"What parts?" Dana asks. "There are things we can change." I sigh and speak up.
"When this week began, all I wanted was a little change, but after a day of abuse and humiliation, I tried to force the change on my own." Some students look around in confusion.
"What kinds of change Todd?" John asks.
"I wanted to stop being sent home early each day." Some of them turn towards Mrs. Jewls.
"And this part is my fault." She says. "If you notice, I've never sent anyone else home on the kindergarten bus."
"How come?" Eric Ovens asks.
"Well students, Todd isn't just a student like the rest of you. He's an accomplished adult in a child's body." I look up. "And I didn't want him to overdo his success and graduate too soon." I feel I need to slow her down a bit.
"I'm flattered you think I'm smart, but I wouldn't call myself genius." I say.
"But don't you ace every single test?" Stephen asks.
"Yes he does." Mrs. Jewls responds. "And he does his assignments before they're given out." I roll my eyes.
"Anyone can do the things I do." I say.
"But no one actually does." Mrs. Jewls says. "And you have the potential to do so much more." This is getting a little embarrassing.
"Can we please go back to whatever lesson you had in mind for us?" I ask. She nods.
"Okay Todd. I just thought you deserved some appreciation. But we really should get started on studying for that history test we have later."
"Oh no! That's today?" Myron asks in a frightened tone. "I didn't study for it!"
"Uh… Myron." Mrs. Jewls taps his shoulder. "No one has and that's what we're doing next." He looks up with relief.
"Oh. Okay then!" He sits up. "Let's get to it!" I turn to Fluffy who's sitting inside my bag writing something.
"What do you have there?" I ask him. He shows me another image of me skateboarding. "Fluffy, I don't have my skateboard right now and you know it." He flips the paper over and I see a bus, a house that's labeled 'your house', and a building that looks like a hospital with a question mark on it. Arrows are drawn through each item. "Fluffy I don't know what you're getting at. But it's not very clear." He looks sad. "We can discuss this later." I say.
As Mrs. Jewls teaches her lesson, I can't focus. Normally it's easy for me to pay attention but I didn't sleep well last night and I still can't stop thinking about what Maurecia wrote in her diary… and the fact that I actually read it, but more because her intentions were pure and I never got to experience them. Honestly had that not happened and I hadn't punched her, I probably wouldn't want to leave the school. I told her she needed a more attractive approach and she was getting there. And it came down to her realizing failure to get me to fall in love with her was actually likely, but she didn't give up. She just wanted me to be there for her at the school for the rest of our school years. I can't stop thinking about it. It's leaving me in a state of unbearable depression. If I went back to my old school, it'd be easier to get over this. The thought of coming here and never seeing Maurecia again is too much for me to live with. And yes she could come back, but what if she has memory issues? What if she doesn't remember anyone? She could have permanent brain damage! We get to our lunch hour and I'm sitting alone at a table with Fluffy next to me. We're both eating our sandwiches. Suddenly Dana walks up to me.
"Hey Todd." She greets me. This time I look back at her but I don't respond verbally. "May I join you?" She asks. I give her a thumbs up and tap the seat to the left of me. "Thank you." She says as she sits down. "So what's on your mind?" She asks.
"Crippling depression." I mumble. She looks sorry for me.
"Why Todd?" She asks. I look up.
"Did Mrs. Jewls ever tell any of you what happened to her husband?" I ask. She shakes her head.
"No Todd. She never said anything about him. Is he dying?" She asked worryingly.
"No Dana, he is dead." I say sadly. She sighs.
"That's too bad. Mrs. Jewls must've been really heartbroken." She says. I raise an eyebrow.
"But do you know what killed him?" She shakes her head again.
"I have no clue."
"Intracranial hemorrhage. The same thing Mauercia has." She gasps and Fluffy coughs on his sandwich. He catches his food and manages to swallow it though, but then he looks up at me.
"He died of the same injury?" She asked.
"Well actually he died of epidural hematoma. Too much blood was lost from his head and eventually he died from it." I say with sadness. "But the doctors thought he had intracranial hemorrhage." Dana and Fluffy's eyes widened.
"Todd, how did her husband get the injury?" She asks.
"He was standing on a ladder during an earthquake and then he lost his grip, then the ladder fell onto his forehead." She gasps.
"And he died of cranial bleeding?" She asks sounding really scared. I nod.
"Yeah Dana, he did. But unlike Maurecia he died of a natural cause. If she died it would be considered a murder by me." Luckily Dana's intellectual grin came back.
"Todd, you should check on her." I look up quickly.
"How?" Fluffy shrugs in her direction.
"You need to get to the hospital to make sure she's okay… that is if you care about her." Fluffy turns back to me.
"Well Dana, I'd miss out on that history quiz we have later." I say as I peel my cheese stick. "I don't want to miss a test." I say as a begin chewing the cheese.
"Well Todd, you didn't look like you were paying attention in class earlier." She's not wrong here. "Is something distracting you?" I respond quickly.
"No, I'm a straight A student and tests come off as easily successful to me no matter how much or little I study in advance." She smirks. But she's right. I haven't been able to focus after reading her writing and learning how critical her condition could be.
"Well then good luck on the quiz." She says as she walks out. I pack up my plastic wrap and my empty applesauce container I let Fluffy absorb.
"Let's get back to class." I say. Fluffy clings onto my shoulder and we get back to the classroom, for about ten minutes everyone is reviewing while I sit there with a straight face, a sad one. I still really can't stop thinking about what Maurecia wrote about me. It's in my memory now and won't leave. And it isn't until Mrs. Jewls begins handing them all out until she notices either.
"Todd." I look up. "Are you alright?" She asks. I shrug.
"I don't know Mrs. Jewls. I'm not really in the mood to take a test today." I mumble. She seems okay with that.
"Well Todd, do you need more time to study or would you rather take it tomorrow?" She asks and I sigh audibly.
"I'm just really stressed out, that's all." Everyone is staring at me again.
"Why are you stressed Todd?" Eric Fry asks.
"Yeah brother Todd. What's the problem?" Jenny adds. I sigh again.
"I just can't focus today, something unforgettable has been on my mind all morning." The students look around at each other for a few seconds.
"What is on your mind Todd?" Myron asks. I'm about to say it.
"Do you guys want to know?" I ask and I hear multiple voices saying 'yeah Todd,' 'tell us,' and 'what is it?' "Okay…" I pause then point at Maurecia's empty desk. "I really miss Maurecia." Everyone falls silent for a few seconds until Dana speaks up.
"Todd. Are you in love with her?" I figured she'd ask me that sooner or later.
"Well… maybe?" I shrug. There is some sudden chatter. "But I'm not sure!" I say out loud. Mrs. Jewls turns back to me.
"Todd, is Maurecia's absence becoming too much for you?"
"Well… yes. Not having her at Wayside has greatly reduced the school's inner spirit this week, I thought I wanted everything here to change but I just couldn't restrain myself at the one moment that mattered. But my dad wants my final decision tonight and I don't want to come back to this school if Maurecia's not here. It doesn't feel right." I say. There is a little silence.
"You need to see her Todd!" Dana exclaims. "You need to visit her in the hospital!" I roll my eyes.
"I would but I'll never make it there in time. My parents don't want me out of the house after four thirty without adult supervision." Myron raises his hand. "Do you have a question Myron?" I ask.
"Yeah. Why four thirty of all times?"
"They're worried that since I don't have a car I could get kidnapped or pickpocketed. Most people work until four and then between four thirty and nine, city traffic gets large. So I can't make it since my mom took my skateboard away today." Mrs. Jewls pats me on the shoulder.
"Would you like it if I sent you home on the kindergarten bus today? That way you'll make it home by twelve fifteen?" A sudden smile appears on my face.
"Really? What about my test?" I ask.
"Forget the test Todd, this is third grade level for students like you. Just go visit your injured friend. She could use your company." I grab my bag.
"Okay! Thank you, let's go Fluffy!" He jumps on my shoulder. I hear some sudden cheering.
"Do it Todd!" Joe shouts.
"Go to her Brother Todd!" Jenny says cheerfully. I walk by Myron.
"Way to be a leader buddy." He pats my back. I feel John touch my ankle.
"Go get her pal." He says. As I'm about to step out I make eye contact with Dana.
"I'm proud of you Todd. I knew you had it in you." She says as I step out of the room.
"Well class, Todd is a wonderful student and you all like having him here don't you?" Everyone nods. "I hope he decides this is the school for him by tomorrow."
After I step out, I stand still for a few seconds. Then I whisper something to Fluffy. He jumps out with excitement.
"Should I tell them?" I ask and he nods rapidly. I step back into the classroom for a second. "I'm staying at Wayside!" I shout. Everyone cheers for a few seconds including Mrs. Jewls. I feel so appreciated and loved.
"Good luck Todd!" Mrs. Jewls shouts as I head towards the stairs.
Author's Note: Well that was a fun way to end the chapter. Todd has confirmed his choice to stay at Wayside school until his graduation, but there's still one person who doesn't know yet. One more void to fill before this story ends. Thank you all and Goodnight.