Hit me like a man, love me like a woman. Bury me alive, I can see it in your eyes, you want it. Some will give you pain, some will give you pleasure. Hit me like a man, love me like a woman. ~ The Pretty Reckless, Hit Me Like A Man

CHAPTER 4

I never fall asleep. I'm always right on the edge of slumber, but then I reach over for Tobias' comforting warmth and remember he isn't there. Then my mind spirals to our fight and I have to start the process all over again.

I peak over the edge of the bed and see dark blue pools staring up at me. I guess Tobias can't sleep, either.

"I get it. I know it's a good idea. I just don't like the idea of you going through all of that again. It's everything we fought to be free of. It goes against every instinct I have to let you do this," Tobias whispers to me.

I carefully let my body slide out of bed and rest the length of my body along Tobias'. His arms instantly wrap around my waist and crush me to him.

"Thank you," I whisper, burrowing my head into his neck. I take in a deep breath and revel in the comforting scent of his fresh soap and all things Tobias.

Tobias chuckles humorlessly. "For what?"

I rest my head on his sternum and look up at him. "For always protecting me. No matter what."

I slide off of Tobias and sneak my way under his blanket. I steal half of his pillow and can't help the contented sigh that escapes me when his arms wrap around me.

"Goodnight, Tobias," I mumble, seconds before my eyes close and I finally drift off to sleep.

It doesn't last long, though.

Tobias and I jerk awake at the sound of a crash from somewhere in the house. The living room, I think. Tobias springs to action, grabbing two guns from under the bed and handing one to me.

"Go to Drew's room, lock the door and don't let anyone in but me."

We both leave our room quietly; Tobias pushes me into Drew's bedroom and continues through the house. I immediately lock the door behind me, and look at Drew.

All of the commotion as woken Drew up, so I quickly grab him and hold his as close to me as I can, hoping to quiet his cries. Usually, I think the steady beat of my heart helps calm him, but tonight my heart is racing. I think it spurs on his crying.

I haven't heard any noises coming from throughout the house, and I don't know if that should comfort or worry me. The weight of Drew in my arms keeps me from going out there to see what is going on, but my entire being itches to be more useful than this.

It is only a few minutes later that there is a soft knock at the door, followed by Tobias whispering my name.

I have the door open as quickly as humanly possible and rake my eyes over Tobias' body, looking for any injuries. Thankfully he seems okay.

"What happened?" I ask, my voice still hushed.

"Someone broke in. It doesn't look like they stole anything, but they knocked over a lamp. It must have scared them off. I walked around outside, there's no sign of them anywhere."

"They were here?"

"Yes," Tobias grunts out. "We can't stay here."

"Where are we going to go?"

Tobias thinks for a moment before responding, "We'll go to Dauntless."

"Tobias, we can't just – "

"Tris, they were here. They could have come in and shot us in our sleep. They could have kidnapped Drew. They could have done anything."

I squeeze Drew closer to me at Tobias' harsh words. Images of countless other outcomes rush through my mind, each one worse that the other.

"I'll start packing."

Within the hour Tobias and I are outside of the Dauntless compound. Drew has been crying nonstop since he woke up. Tobias and I have tried to calm him down, but nothing is working. I don't blame him; this has not been a good night. For any of us.

Zeke greets us as we enter the compound.

"You guys doing okay?" he asks, concern etched in every look he gives us.

"We're alive," Tobias grumbles.

"C'mon, we've got a place set up for you. An old leader's apartment, so it'll be big enough for all of you."

Thirty minutes later Drew is fidgeting in his new crib, but the crying has finally stopped. I give him ten minutes before he's out.

Tobias stands at the window, his arms gripping the windowsill and his eyes roaming around the city.

I'm exhausted, practically dead on my feet, but instead of trying to sleep I put away the few pairs of clothes we brought for ourselves. I need to keep my mind busy on mundane tasks so I don't start thinking about why someone broke into our home.

Were they to here to kill me?

Did they want to kill Tobias?

Was their plan to kidnap Drew?

Hold him over our heads so we would do whatever they wanted?

My heart starts to race and I chuck whatever article of clothing I had in my hand across the room. The jeans make a pathetic swish as they land on the ground.

Tobias looks over his shoulder at me, his eyes dark and sad and haunted.

"You have to do it."

I nod, immediately understanding what it is I have to do.

Simulations.

Fear landscapes.

"I'm sorry I can't protect you from this," Tobias tells me, his voice cracks and his arms strain against the window. Everything about tonight is tearing him apart inside. I don't know how to put him back together though, because I'm just as torn.

I walk to him and our arms immediately engulf each other, both of our bodies shaking with emotion.

Fear.

Worry.

Sadness.

It's all there. Every emotion we went through fifteen years ago when we were in a similar position. It was almost easier to deal with before. We didn't know how bad things could get, and we had our enemy clearly in our sights. We knew what we were up against.

This time, everything is unknown. But I'll do everything I can to protect the life Tobias and I have created for ourselves out of the ashes of the city that we grew up in.

I sleep for two hours before I'm awake again. Tobias is still asleep next to me, but I can tell it isn't a peaceful sleep. I walk over and check on Drew, unsurprised to see him completely out of it. He had a hectic night last night, so I know he'll be sleeping for several more hours today.

I don't bother taking a shower, not wanting to wake up either of my boys. I change into black jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt. I put my hair up to keep it out of my face. I leave a note to Tobias, telling him I'm in the training room, and making sure he remembers to go talk to Caleb about the serums today.

I try to shake the thoughts of serums and landscapes out of my mind as I enter the training room. I need to focus.

The other trainees won't be here for about three hours, so I take my time looking around the room. I need to formulate my own training schedule. Maybe I should see if there are other training rooms I could use on my own. I sit in the middle of the room, and look at the various stations around me.

I've liked working with Hector and the new trainees, but I also know they're going to be spending time on skills I've already mastered. I know how to shoot a gun. I know how to throw a knife. Those aren't really skills you ever forget. I need to build my muscle back up. I need to re-train my muscles to remember what to do when someone is running after me.

I return to the punching bag I hung yesterday and lose myself in it for a little while. I can feel the scratches from yesterday break open within my wrappings, but I don't care. I don't have time to worry about little things like that anymore.

The door swings open and breaks me out of my trance, I wipe the sweat off of my forehead as Hector comes in. I can see it in the way he looks at me, in his sad, pitiful eyes that he's heard what happened last night. He doesn't waste my time by talking to me about it though; he just motions for me to continue, so I do.

Ten minutes later the trainees come in, but no one dares to talk to me. They start their target practice, and I stay focused on my own training.

Thirty minutes later Tobias enters, followed by the other two city leaders and Caleb. I freeze.

I put my hands on my hips and try to catch my breath for a minute.

"What are all of them doing here?" I hear Blake whisper. I suppose it is a bit suspicious that all of the city leaders in the security compound.

"Mrs. Eaton, if you'll come with us for a moment," Aurora says, motioning toward the open door.

Tobias looks at me, his deep blue eyes dark and sad. I unwrap my hands as I walk over, dropping the bloody wrappings on the ground as I approach them. Tobias gently grabs one of my hands and leads me out the door.

We go to a small conference room that is exiled away from any prying eyes and ears. We all sit around the rectangular table. Tobias sits on the opposite side of the table from me, accompanied by his fellow leaders and Caleb. Almost like it is everyone against me.

"Tris, Tobias has told us of your desire to test your divergence. Given the circumstances, we have agreed that it is a wise decision. Because of the rules and guidelines that were drawn up following the war, we are going to need your written consent for you to undergo these simulations again. We just have a few formalities to go over before we can allow this," Grey says.

I nod. My heart rate is still accelerated from my training, and my body is too exhausted from the events of the last twelve hours for me to get too stressed about this situation.

"Beatrice Eaton, do you give your consent for us to put you under a simulation of Caleb Prior's making?"

I look over at my brother. I can tell he wishes he didn't have to do this either. "Yes," I say. Grey pushes a paper at me, a pen placed on top of it. I don't bother reading it. Tobias wouldn't have me here if there were anything on these papers that I shouldn't agree too. My pen does pause over the paper for a few moments though.

My eyes close and my mind is filled with all of the new situations that could be put in my simulation. I know Caleb had a hand in formulating the simulations I was put through at Erudite, and I forgave him for that a long time ago. But when I think of all of the new ammunition he'll have when creating this new one, I want to throw up. I want to run from the room, screaming, and never look back.

Instead, I obediently sign the paper.

"Beatrice Eaton, do you give your consent to undergo your fear landscape?"

"Yes," I sigh, quickly signing this paper before I can think too much about it.

Grey nods, organizing all of his paperwork. "Caleb Prior will be working with the help of two assistants to create one dosage of a high-functioning simulation as well as the necessary serum needed to put you through your fear landscape. He has estimated that it will take him approximately one week for the fear landscape serum, and another additional week for the simulation. Until then you will continue your training here. Any questions?"

I sigh, uncomfortable that now the leaders are involved in this decision. I know it is necessary, we needed permission for Caleb to create these serums, but I still don't like it. I don't like Grey sounding like he has control over me.

I guess I still have some authoritarian issues.

"Do you know anything else about who got past the fence?" I ask. I realize I haven't really had time to ask Tobias about it.

"You don't have clearance for that kind of information," Grey tells me.

I can't believe it.

"I don't have clearance? I can torture myself to help you guys, but I don't have the clearance to know what is going on?" I try my hardest not to yell, but I don't know how long I'll be able to last.

I see Tobias give Grey a frustrated glance. I wonder if he's already tried to fight this battle for me.

"You're doing the simulations on your own terms, Mrs. Eaton. You have no official ranking among the government. We're not – "

"On my own terms? You think any of this is on my own terms?" I yell, but I can't stand to be in this room any longer. I'm halfway out the door when I turn around. "And no official ranking? I fucking created this new government."

I don't stick around to hear the fallout from my outburst. I return immediately to the training room, ignoring the curious glances from the other trainees who are still working on their target practice.

I seclude myself in the corner with my punching bag and take out my frustrations on the leather. Sometime later I feel two hands surrounding my stomach, one on my front and one on my back.

"Use your core," a smooth voice whispers to me. His lips are right next to my ear; they have to be in order for me to be able to hear him over the training going on in the room.

Despite his instruction, I stop all together.

"I deserve to know," I tell my husband.

"You will. As soon as I know something, I'll tell you. Aurora and I both believe you should be included. Grey just likes going on power trips."

"This isn't the time for him to be getting cocky," I mumble.

"No, it isn't. But that's why we have three leaders. If one is making questionable decisions, there are two others to hopefully even out the score."

"How was Drew this morning?" I ask, hoping to take my mind off of . . . everything for just a few minutes.

"Exhausted. He's in the daycare here. I figured since we'll be here for the time being it'll be easier for him to stay there rather than taking him to Tori."

I nod and rest my head on Tobias' shoulder. I don't hug him, not wanting to get him dirty with the sweat dripping down my body. He doesn't seem to care though, as he pulls me to him in a tight embrace.

The door slams shut, breaking us apart. I guess all of the trainees have gone to lunch. Just the thought of food makes me nauseous.

"Are you hungry?" Tobias asks. My answering grimace is enough for him.

"Come here," he says, and leads me over to the ring where we used to have the initiates fight. I have many unpleasant memories of this spot.

"Remember, use your core. And go for any weak spot you can. You're small, anyone you fight is probably going to have a hundred pounds on you. Get them down any way you can," Tobias instructs as we stop in the center of the ring.

He starts to unbutton his white button down shirt, and I look at him with wide eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Helping you train. I told you I'd be here when I could."

"But we've never . . ." it has always been an unspoken rule that Tobias and I never fight each other. We've gotten into more verbal fights than I could count, but we've never gotten in a ring together. It unnerves me that Tobias would decide to try it now. I wonder if there is more he knows about who is here, if maybe I should be more scared than I already am.

I stare at him, shirtless and staring right back at me, for much longer than I should. His broad shoulders call to me, but not in the way that will help me at all now. I can see part of his tattoo peaking around his neck, and it makes me wish we were at home alone, in our room, with the rest of the world shut out.

We stare at each other for far too long, and eventually the trainees and Hector return. They pay us more attention than we pay them, though.

When I've finally finished my internal battle against myself, I nod ever so slightly at Tobias, and the games begin.

The next hour is spent dodging hits and swinging arms. I don't know if either of us can say we 'won' but we both definitely woke up parts of ourselves that have been dormant since the war. It took us a while to actually start swinging at each other. It goes against everything within us to do this, but I have to admit that it was a good idea. Mentally, it helped me get back into the mindset I need to be in until the threat is gone.

When we stop, we realize there is a small crowd around us, including Hector and Zeke.

"When will we get to do that?" Blake asks, his excitement seeping throughout his body.

"You haven't even hit the target once Blake. Don't get distracted," Marie scoffs.

Zeke motions for Tobias and I to follow him, so we do. We leave Hector to reign in the trainees and meet in a cluster out in the hall.

"What –" I start to ask, but Tobias shushes me.

"Chasm. Ten minutes," Tobias tells Zeke, who happily goes on his way without a response.

"What – "

I'm shushed again.

Tobias simply grabs my hand and walks me around the compound for a few minutes. We pass the Chasm multiple times, and each one I think we're going to it but Tobias veers off. Eventually the fourth time past we enter. I'm met with the laughter of our group of most trusted friends: Zeke, Uriah, Christina, Will, Lynn, and Marlene.

"What is going on?" I ask, finally able to finish my question.

"What I'm about to say does not leave this group, understood?" Tobias demands. Everyone nods without hesitation.

"I think a group from the outside has infiltrated the city, and I think people here are working with them. I don't know what their goal is. They could want to restore the faction system, or create a whole new government with them in charge. Whatever it is, I know it wont be a peaceful as what we have now."

My eyes widen and my mouth drops open. Where did all of this come from? I know I neglected to ask Tobias what he has discovered about the situation the last couple days. I was focused on my plan to test my divergence, but this? This is big. This is bad.

"I've been digging into the city system. Looking for key words within what people think are their 'confidential' correspondences. There have been a few that are . . . unnerving.

"I'm telling you all because I need you to keep your eyes and ears open. If you hear anything you think could be suspicious, remember who said it and tell us. As of right now, we are the only people in the city who know about this. I haven't told Aurora or Grey. I don't trust them."

"You don't trust them?" I'm surprised. Tobias has always talked fondly of his fellow leaders.

"Not like I trust all of you."

"So what are we supposed to do?" Uriah asks.

"Right now we keep our heads down, but stay alert. Do not talk about this out in the open, or even in your homes. Keep it to yourselves. We'll meet down here every two days, same time." Tobias takes a deep breath before continuing, "As of right now we are the only hope the city has against whatever these intruders are planning."

A/N: An early pre-thanksgiving update for you guys. I hope you're liking this, I'd love to know what you guys think of it. Maybe if we get a good number of reviews I'll be able to chug out another chapter before the week is over . . . :) – DR13