CHAPTER 5
I saw Amanda. She was alive. And full of life. I was so happy to see her. I could see her now. She was sitting in her apartment, talking with Sean and Lizzy, another colleague from Paris. They were having lunch maybe? Plates were on the table. And they were laughing. It was great to see her smile. Her and Sean were holding hands. And Lizzy, she seemed to have been dying of laughter over a joke Amanda must've told. Amanda was always one for having a pretty good joke to tell. Although most were pointless, you'd laugh anyways. You'd just see the way she's crack up over her own lame joke and you couldn't help but join in and laugh with her. More importantly, Amanda was never one to leave you in silence. One minute we'd talk about something and she'd switch the subject when we were done. She always had something to talk about. I don't think I've ever seen her unhappy before. Especially now since she and Sean were married.
Anyways, it was obvious they were enjoying themselves. I would have loved to stand and watch but something inside me just wanted to join in all the fun. I got that feeling in me though. That 'what if they don't want me here' feeling. And I almost chickened out. Almost. But Amanda was my best friend. She always wanted me by her side. Which was why I was a little confused when she seemed irritated to see me. I walked in and she gave me a look. Like she really didn't want me here. And I felt so hurt. Sean looked over at me, "Beat it whore!" He always was one to joke too. And call me names. But he never seemed so serious. And usually Amanda was the one to turn around and smack him upside his head. Jokingly of course. But this didn't happen. She seemed to hate looking at me. And she was crying. I don't know what happened, but we weren't in her apartment anymore. No, we were somewhere else. Somewhere dark. And Amanda was crying. I don't even know where Lizzy went. She just seemed to vanish right before me.
She was crying so much. I didn't know why. She was making me angry though. I could feel it. Because she wouldn't stop crying. And I heard Sean's voice. He was saying things. What they were, I'm not sure of. But he was screaming them. And I could only see Amanda. Her eyes like I've never seen them before. Burning with some questionable rage. Although, they did look familiar. Anyways, so she was crying. And screaming. But I didn't seem to listen. I couldn't. I mean, I did try to listen, but it was as if someone was preventing me from hearing. I saw her lips moving. I saw her fear-filled eyes. Along with hate. I seen blood. Lots of blood. Coated along her lovely wedding dress.
I wanted her to just stop talking. Stop talking and stop crying. And start laughing again. I could feel something in my hand. Cold and metallic. But I didn't bother to look. I did something not quite right. I lifted this object. I could see how upset Amanda was. That's when I realized I was holding a gun. I heard satanic laughter followed by darkness. Amanda was gone. And then I heard a gun shot. Following shortly after, one last piercing scream.
I woke up so quickly. My mind still disturbed by Amanda's haunting image. I was almost glad to wake up and find that really was just a nightmare. Because it had been all me that pulled the trigger then. And I can't even begin to describe how hysterical I felt. Not only because I was laughing, but because I was literally holding myself together. My hands wrapped around my knees. I hardly felt the intense pain in my right leg. Still hurt from the bullet wound. All I felt was this intense feeling of dizziness. Like when you'd go to the dentist for a cavity or something, and they'd give you the laughing gas, so you'd feel happy, instead of frightened. Well that's sort of how I felt. Only I didn't feel happy. I felt disturbed. And completely sad. Only very light headed. Like I still couldn't believe this was all happening. I couldn't. I didn't want this. Of course, a lot of people don't want to have certain things happen to them. Life is never perfectly planned. Life is never written like a book. With a beginning, middle and an end.
Somehow though, I managed to pull myself together. I wanted to live. I knew this. But there's no doubt in me I would've traded my own life for Amanda to be alive and happy again. But she was gone. I had to face the truth. And she wasn't coming back. And even though I still remembered the hate in her eyes towards me, I know that deep down, Amanda would want me to live too. Although if she were alive now, she'd probably have said something like, 'Are you kidding me? I'd want you right next to me. So we could touch the clouds.' But she'd only be joking of course. And so now I faced an even bigger challenge. I had to escape. It may take from hours to maybe weeks, months, or years. But I will escape. And I will be alive. And nothing can stop that.
So I looked around and pulled in my surroundings. This disgusting room seemed to make me anxious. Like something may happen. And I froze up a bit. Which in my opinion is a bad way to start an escape. I almost felt like there would be motion detectors in the flooring. And once I stepped onto the floor, someone would be in. With a knife in hand or worse. Which made me think, maybe I should wait. I was so disgusted at how weak I was. Not just physically. But how weak I was emotionally. I used to be able to pull through anything. But now, I just felt lost. And pathetic. Like an abandoned pet.
I hopelessly tried to find the strength in me to get off this damn bed and walk right out that door. But then I'd just be stupid. Really, as if the Joker would not have somebody guarding this door right this very moment. But then again there is a chance. And so I did finally get up. I stood onto the floor, and as if my thoughts had came true, I stepped on something, I think it was a plate, causing it to clank against the wood, which just so happened to slide and causing me to slip and fall on my butt. Making one of the loudest noises. I was unsurprised to find a man, in all grey walk in. He gave me a weird, confused look. "Hey boss, she's awake!" Now I know he had only shouted to the other room but for some reason my head was pulsing in pain. The worst headache ever. My hand lightly brushed to my forehead, intentionally to find out if I was feverish. Only to feel the bumpy scabs that formed 'Emma', on my forehead. So of course I felt the waterworks start up again. Then I heard footsteps. But I didn't dare move from the floor. I just didn't want to.
"Oh sweetheart," said this voice I can only describe as something out of hell. "I have a great day planned for us. Have you seen the beautiful day outside? Not a sunray in sight!" He laughed as he grabbed at my arm, pulling me to my feet. I didn't have it in me to walk. At all. So I was pretty much being dragged by my arm. Which ached. Everything once again ached. I was so sore and I could feel everything. We were still in the same room though. "I don't feel like dragging you today." He laughed, ripping my arm upward so I was now standing. He pulled a knife from his pocket, gently pressing it against my forehead. "It's a shame, your cuts are almost gone!" He laughed using the knife to reopen the skin on my forehead. I screamed in pain, grabbing at his wrist. He laughed harder at my weak attempt to stop him. "So Emma, walk and I won't finish the other three letters." I glared at him. "You are so pathetic." I said. He only smiled bigger, his eyes looking wildly into mine. "I'm pathetic? You can't even walk! And I'm pathetic!" He laughed and continued to pull me down through the familiar hallway.
And of course down the familiar steps. I touched my chin, feeling a little pain as I did so. I guess I didn't need stitches. Well, I probably did, but it was healing anyways. I watched the steps carefully, trying with every ounce of my energy to keep up with the Joker and not fall at the same time. Which was a bit of a challenge. I stumbled at least once, and found myself being pulled down two or three steps sat a time. I hated how weak I felt. How weak I looked! This of course brought joy to the Joker. And finally we walked down, or jogged down actually, all three stories. I noticed how his hand was holding mine. And not my sore one either. Which made me feel uneasy. And then the huge steel door was opening, and in the garage was the Joker's van. Although this one looked different than the other one. But still, it was trashed and ugly. I pulled my hand from the Joker's, surprisingly he let go. And watched him walk into the van. I almost thought I was going with him on one of his schemes. I heard him start the engine up and call my name.
"Emeralda! Come have a seat next to me willya?" I heard his shrieking laughter. And I hated myself for walking over to his van. Hated myself for opening the door. And absolutely hated myself even more for sitting in the passenger seat. He began to pull out of the garage and continued driving down a lonesome road located deep within the woods. It was an absolutely ugly day outside. Dark grey clouds owned the sky. It wasn't raining but I could hear the thunder from afar. A bad storm was coming. This was terrible. Along with needles, thunderstorms scared the hell out of me. And this was something the Joker would be pleased to see. I just stared at the sky. It was a dark, grey-ish blue. Signs of a perfect storm. I wasn't sure where we were going. Or why the radio was on. It was on some entirely old station. Music playing as a soft, angelic voice sang of a lost love. It made me tremble. And oddly enough, I could see the Joker, smiling and sort of swaying to the music. Then he looked over at me. I almost blushed. I hated the fact he caught me staring. Not that I enjoyed it, but it surely did amuse him.
"Don't you just love road trips?" I just stared blankly out the window. Trying my best to ignore him. And watched the city go by. It was so depressing. I haven't even caught sight of a human yet. The weather made everyone hide inside, cozy in their own homes. I could feel the tears forming. How I wished I could feel that sense of security. That warmth of my own home. Then I realized how depressing my life is. Not just now, but the past and everything. I hated school. And I mean absolutely hated school. I had few friends and kept single. I always felt lost and lonely. And then somehow I felt like going to college in Paris not only would keep me apart from my ex, but also would give me a fresh start. But I lived with Amanda in a dorm. Nothing was my own. Really, when Amanda went on dates with Sean. I felt so alone. I didn't know what to do. I guess that was another reason why I hated Sean. Except right now, I felt worse. For ever hating Sean. Who died because of me.
Paris was nothing like I had hoped. Amanda was just about my only friend. Or was. And now I have nothing. I really do have nothing. Except family of course. But for some reason I couldn't help but think I'd never see them again. Only because I knew I wouldn't feel like myself going home. Not after all of this. Unless, I could get far away from this. Which brought about this second wind throughout my body. I stared down at the door handle. My hand slowly resting upon it. Sure hitting the cement would hurt. But in the long run, wouldn't this be better? All I could focus on now was how perfect things would go for me if I just opened the door. And jumped. Everything seemed so well planned for a moment. "You wouldn't dare!" I was surprised to find the Joker speaking to me. And surprised to find him speeding up. "You don't think I would?" And ironically, it was me laughing. "Wow, are you stupid!" I laughed harder now, but it was all pure hysteria. And then I did open the door. And I did jump.