CHAPTER 11

I stood, fists clenched, great fighting stance, and a death stare. This was no time to break. I looked back into the cold dark eyes. Somewhere in my head, I have memorized them. His stare was deadly. I'm sure mine were a mirror reflection. Another person died because of me. I stood in the small bank off of St. Rt. 51. It was cold in here. The Joker leaned gracefully against the wall. Not taking his eyes off of me. All of the workers were locked somewhere down stairs, in the basement. This frightened woman who was forced to call me, with the time and place, lay dead in the main room. My breathing had quickened. I could've passed out. I would have too, if it weren't for the fact that I was so mad. "How could you!" I screamed. Finally breaking the silence.

"You made her call me? You still killed her?" I took a moment to catch my breath and collect myself. "You might as well have come to my house. Met the family and all!" I screamed again. The Joker stood, watched, and every once in a while, smiled. "WHY!" I was so angry. I knew it was inevitable. That he'd come for me. But why? Why must he? "Why…" I asked. I was losing all of it. The anger seeping away and grief filled in its place. Tears began to slide down my cheeks. "I need you Emma…" Was all he said. Smiling. And there was a bit venom left in me. I slammed my hands against his chest, trying hard to push him through the wall. Which wasn't happening. I was sobbing now. All out blubbering. The kind where you took those deep, raggedy breaths in between each whimper. The truth was rising put I tried my hardest to shove it away.

I heard him laugh. "You're so pathetic!" He screeched. I looked up at him. His eyes empty. "I'm pathetic? You're pathetic!" I screamed back. "You're the one dressed in a clown costume telling me you need me!" I laughed hysterically. In between sobs. Broken. I fell from my stance. Now on my knees. My palms shoved into my eyes as I cried. My life was ruined. I stumbled over, sitting against the wall. The blubbering had stopped. And it turned into plain old crying. My eyes were probably swollen and red. And the Joker sat down beside me. I didn't turn to look at him. He just sat there. For once, it was silent.

But, I was still hopeful. Even though my hope has obviously been shot to hell. I got up and headed to the door, determined to exit this small office room. But an iron grip grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back. I reached into my jean pocket. Grasping and holding on to it. "Where do you think you're going my pet?" He asked. A cackle of laughter added in his question. He turned me around so I could face him. My hand remained clenched in my pocket. His eyes were hard and empty. But his make up looked new. Special occasion? I laughed a little to myself. Same old purple suit. I could see his green waist coat. I refused to look him in the eyes. It didn't feel right.

"Shall we go home?" He asked me, chuckling. The anger was rising yet again. "Thanks to you, I have no home!" I yelled, finally looking up at him. His hands grabbed my face, so I remained looking at him. "You're welcome, cupcake!" He laughed and shoved me away from him. I stumbled a bit, only a few steps back. We both stared at each other. Same deadly stares. He licked his lips, and acted as if he was going to speak, and then changed his mind. "I hate you..' I said. I looked down. But he was in front of me. His hands hard against my shoulders. "I hate liars!" He yelled.

And why must I kiss him? Only God knows why. There is something truly wrong with me.

We kissed. I'm not so sure how it happened, but it did. And it was nothing like it should've been. I felt like letting go. Like letting everything go and walking away. For once, something felt right. Which scared me. Like I had said before, I've always ran away from what I really want.

I pushed him away and stepped back. "I hate liars too." I said. I pulled my hand from my pocket. Niagara falls once again as I began silently crying. The Joker stared at my hand. And I dropped the dog collar. That idiot thing I couldn't throw away. "Emma! You do care!" He said, clapping his hands. Then he too pulled something out of his inside jacket pocket. I froze. "Sorry, love, I know these things scare you!" He laughed and jabbed the needle into my neck before I had the chance to react. Before I knew it, I was falling and hitting the floor. Which didn't hurt. Things started getting fuzzy and I saw a purple glove, picking up my necklace. I heard a laugh. I was picked up and then the darkness overcame everything.

Of course I can't be alone in the dark. Two hands were shaking my shoulders. I refused to open my eyes. "WAKE UP EMMA!" Such a high, squeaky voice. It wasn't right. "Emma…." The voice was growing a little impatient. I opened my eyes, no need to get physical. Alexa? "Emma! Finally! You've been out for hours." Alexa sighed and sat next to me. Pain shot through me as my eyes traced over the white walls, white blankets…. "What are you doing here Alexa?" I was actually pleasantly surprised to find that she was alive. "Good question." She smirked and reached into her hoodie's pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. She brought out one cigarette and put it to her lips. Then grabbed a lighter. My hand shot up and stole the cigarette from her. "I hate smoking!" I said. "So does the Joker," she said, rolling her eyes. But she took back the cigarette and put it away.

"Sorry you had to come back. But I did miss the company. These guys can be so boring!" she said. She leaned back on one arm. Alexa missed me? Well, I did miss her. Even though she was rotten. And snobby. At least she kept me going. She laughed, "Wow, when you were gone!" she giggled again. "What?" I questioned. She looked past me, and at the wall. "I have never seen this place more of a mad house than it was when you left." She said. "I can't believe the cops aren't here still," I said, breaking the tension I could feel building. "Oh, yeah. They expected us to move!" She burst out laughing. "They're looking for us in all kinds of places." She chuckled lightly to herself. And then looked at me. "You are something," she said, shaking her head. And then she hopped off the bed.

I looked at the side wall. And smirked at the white rose in its vase. I hated white roses. I really did.

I sat up in bed. Alexa was walking around. I don't know why. She seemed to be thinking hard. "Did you know Emma that I was pregnant?" I froze. She was? With whose baby? She looked over at me. "Well, I was." "When?" I asked. "When I was fifteen. I was madly in love, but foolish. And Daniel knocked me up. I was so happy then. I'd be starting a family, at such a young age. But Daniel was killed." She froze and looked away from me and at the white rose. Then she started walking again. "He wasn't exactly a role model. Into drugs and things like that. And I was the good girl. Well, something happened. I think he stole some drugs or forgot to pay them off. And some gang came to his house and murdered him." I could tell she was fighting back the tears. She inhaled deeply. "He said, 'Alexa, I'm done with this. For now on, it's just you, me, and the baby.' And he was murdered."

I waited for her to continue. She was leaning up against the door and looking at the floor. A minute rolled by. Just silence. I was sure she didn't want to say anything else. "I had Mikey. About a week before I turned sixteen. Gave him to mom, and went into this." She motioned with her hands to everything around her. "It wasn't until I was 20 did I join this group. After everything the Joker was doing, I was ready to leave the next day. But he threatened that if I didn't stay, he'd kill Mikey." She shook her head in disgust. "You know I haven't seen my baby in 5 years! Not since the day he was born. But I love that kid. My kid…" It was obvious now that she was crying. She slowly walked to the end of my bed and sat there. Her sobbing began to get noisy. I felt so sorry for her. I crawled up beside her, debating whether or not to hug her. "I know Emma. I know what it's like to want to protect the ones you love. You came back for the same reasons I stayed." And she turned to look at me. I hugged her tightly.

She didn't know.
I wanted my family safe.
But she didn't know the truth.

We stayed like that for ever, as it seemed. Holding each other. Alexa was crying her eyes out. Mumbling to herself. I heard things like, Mikey, mean, want. I never seen Alexa so weak. She was usually the one up and ready to take on death himself. Now I knew. She could care less whether or not she died. As long as Mikey was okay. And all along I had just thought she was crazy. Never judge a book by its cover. It should be a law. She stayed huddled. For once, I felt like someone needed me. Like Alexa was 'little Alexie.' Everyone needs someone. Isn't that a scientific fact? I replayed these thoughts over and over again. And started switching between Alexa to the Joker. I couldn't ever imagine the Joker actually needing someone. It didn't seem possible. But it is a fact. And then Alexa finally gathered herself and stood up from my bed.

Like a two year old, she used her arms to wipe the tears away. "You tell anyone of this and I'll kill you!" She said. I smiled at her. Alexie was out the window and falling three stories. Alexa was back. She smiled back, but left the room. Even I could feel the awkwardness. Once again I found the bitter sting of loneliness quite annoying. And the white rose was hideous. I walked over to it and plucked it from its vase. White roses aren't worth the time. And plus, they brown too fast. Which is what this one was doing. Browned edges and weeping. I walked over to my window and opened it the whole two inches. And slowly, I plucked the petals from it, and watched as they drifted slowly to the ground. I hated myself for not saying goodbye. I just left. Not even a note.

Childhood games are fun. He loves…he loves me not…..he loves me… The petals fell in the wind. It was almost a Kodak moment. He loves me….he loves me not … he loves me…. I was losing petals. This wouldn't take long. He loves me not….he loves me…. Ugh. I looked at the empty stem and laughed. Dropping it into the wind, I said out loud, "He loves me not!" I clapped my hands, pretending to wipe the dust from them. I spun around. Looked. And spun around again. Facing the window, and blushing. How much of that did he see? Why must I think aloud with things like that!

I faced the window still. Breathe in the oxygen, Emma. Maybe you were just seeing things. "You really are bored." said the Joker. I cringed. Dang it. I turned around slowly, hoping the cold wind had moved the blush from my cheeks. I looked at him as intensely he looked at me. He cocked his head to the side, his neck cracked and then he smirked at me. Ew. What a horrible sound. His hands were in his pockets and he just stared at me. Which was better than anything else. And then he slowly moved towards me. And I backed into the wall. Dang, another headache. "I don't bite Emma!" he said laughing. But he remained in one spot. "Leave me alone…" I said, too quietly. He heard it though. "What was that?" he asked, holding a purple glove behind his hear, "I can't hear you." He smirked. "I said leave me alone." I said. Now making my voice even with his. "I'd rather not," he said. And then he walked towards me.

"I can read it in your eyes Emma…" he said, standing inches before me. "It's there. And you hide it badly!" He laughed and grabbed my wrist. "How about a road trip?" He asked. We were walking towards the door. I ripped my wrist from his grip. He seemed stunned, although he wasn't, when he turned around to look at me. His eyebrows were raised, his eyes were full. "We could do this the fun way." He said, slowly pulling out a knife from his pocket. When he seen the look on my face, he smiled. "That's what I thought."

How I wished I never had to enter this damn garage again. It was too horrific, too disturbing. All I saw was Amanda. Dark blood stained the concrete, almost everywhere. I didn't dare look towards the far wall, where Amanda used to be. I walked, just as mindlessly as always, to the van. And got in passenger. Only then did I seem surprised. No one else was seated in the back. It was just me and the Joker.

He started up the van and began to drive. Down the usual long, narrow, gravel road through the forest. I could hear music. Faint but it was there. Another woman's voice sang. It made me sick. I concentrated on all the trees that passed by. And then all of the shops that passed by. And the buildings. And then condos. And then houses. Two story, then one story. Then trees again. And I noticed us going up hill. I hated car drives. At least my ears weren't ringing. Everything was quiet. Just the muffled noises coming from the engine. The quiet was eerie. Where were we going? Curiosity began to burn the back of my mind. I watched as the trees became more distant from the road. And began to space farther from each other. The trees also got bigger. Not like the small city trees.

And then we went up a very narrow road, twisting like crazy. I held on, afraid we might flip. But why should I care? I began to worry too. We were too far from anyone. A well planned out murder could pass by unknown in a place like this. And then that road got flatter. And we turned somewhere. I could see something. Buildings in the distance. And the brakes were slammed hard. I flew into the dashboard. Another tip: Always where your seat belt. Especially when riding with an insane psychopath. He laughed at my stupidity and climbed out of the driver's seat. I exited the van too. Cold air hit me like a brick wall. It was very chilly. And windy. My hair fluttered recklessly in all directions. I laughed. So did the Joker's. I walked fast and passed him. I could barely make out shapes in the horizon. I rushed through tall pine and oak trees. And almost died when I reached a drop off.

Wow. I could see the whole city from up here. I looked around me. No Joker. I looked ahead. It was beautiful. Sun just setting and the skyline of Gotham was both eerie and lovely. Ugh. Why would he take me here? Flying lessons maybe? I looked down. There was at least a twenty foot narrow drop that reached a rocky bottom. Which was at least another thousand feet from the actual ground. A very steep slope indeed. It was so exhilarating. The height, the scenery, the setting. It was all Kodak worthy. I sighed. This would be twice as beautiful if it weren't for the fact that my life was ruined. Because of my disturbing soul and its needs. I looked around in front of me. I could see that Gotham was almost hidden in complete woods. Like a small village or something. Except that it was miles wide and miles long and filled with alleyways and old banks. And factories that polluted the sky. Which was a cotton candy pink, purple, and yellow.

I heard branches crack. A perfect moment gone suddenly wrong. The Joker stood beside me. He reached out his hand and motioned to the city before us. "This is where I plan everything," he said. I could hear the smile on his lips. "Why'd you bring me here?" I asked, coldly. He turned to look at me. "Don't you like it?" I gazed at him, "I loved it until you came along!' I hissed. He smiled and then looked back at the city, "This is my city Emma." He said, just as coldly as I did. "And it's yours too." I froze. No no no! Enough with this crap already. Everything that didn't make sense. I couldn't take it! "What?" I snapped. The Joker laughed, and then stared at me. He wasn't smiling, but the red scars along his face could've fooled you. His eyes looked twice as dark now, with the sun setting, and that annoying black make-up around his eyes. "That's right Emma. What's mine is yours! And what's yours is mine!" He screeched with laughter as I stepped back.

"No." I said. I felt tears forming. I knew the reality. I was stuck like this for as long as I lived. But I hated thinking I could be living like this for a long time. He shook his head. "Emma. You really are something." I bit my lip. Shut up shut up. Turned and looked at the Gotham. It was smudged now. All I seen were those dark alleys and those polluting factories. The grey clouds that formed above them. The abandoned streets. Everything seemed so dark and dull. And lifeless. The beauty was gone. I felt the Joker grab my forearm. I looked at his hand on my arm. And then looked up at him. Why was he always watching me? Why must we be silenced when we stare at each other? What was there? Why was it there?

I forget why it happened. But we kissed…. again.
Just like before, only it felt different.
Like what I felt when I saw Gotham.
Before it turned ugly.
I felt his hands around my neck.
I felt my necklace.
I felt….

Only the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.