Chapter 5: Personal Space

I spend the night crying and eating and crying some more, until finally I manage to fall asleep around two in the morning. I miss my family so much tonight that my sadness follows me even into my sleep, albeit restless, and I wake up at six, when the sun is only starting to rise, with a pillow soaked with tears beneath my head.

Hours later, after dragging myself around the hotel room aimlessly, I drag myself to my car practically asleep and just manage to drive to the law firm. As soon as I step out of the elevator onto the firm's floor, I wish I had just stayed home and begged forgiveness from my lawyers, because today it's even more packed than usual, and just seeing everyone hurrying around makes me want to curl into a ball in the corner. And when I see Denny Crane bustling towards me from down the hall, I nearly turn right back around and go back down the elevator.

Before I can make any such movement, Denny is upon me and grabbing my arm to lead me quickly into his office. He's wild-eyed and seemingly surprised, yet I barely have the energy to ask him what's wrong once he's slammed the door shut behind us. "It's Bethany," he says, his eyes darting around the room and his hand still clenched on my bicep. "She's after me."

I peel his meaty fingers off my arm, wincing. "Who's Bethany?"

"The dwarf!" he whisper-exclaims.

"Ah," I say. "What have you done now?"

"She caught me with another woman." He looks out the glass wall anxiously, craning his neck to get a better angle. "She shouldn't be surprised by that!"

"How dreadful of her."

"You've got to help me!"

"And how might I do that?"

"Patrol the halls, see if she's anywhere nearby, and find Alan. I can't go back out there, so you'll have to get him yourself."

I sigh, taking off my coat and scarf and hanging them and my purse on the coat rack. "Fine. I'll be back in a minute."

He takes both of my elbows now. "Thank you."

I pull my arms away again gently. "You're welcome."

I take in a deep breath once I've closed his door behind me soundly. His antics are highly tiresome, but at least he's not trying to get me to sleep with him for now.

I let myself ignore the part of Denny's instructions about looking for the dwarf; there's no way I'm going to find her in this maze of a place. It takes me a minute to remember where Alan's office is, and then I reluctantly head there.

After hesitating outside his door for a moment, I knock on his door out of politeness, and I see that he's sitting at his desk over a stack of papers. His tilts his head up and graces me with a small smile before waving his hand to signal that I come in.

"Is Denny still running from Bethany?" he asks as I sit down across from him. He continues looking at his papers and not up at me.

I breathe out a laugh. "Yes. That's why I'm here, in fact. He sent me on a few errands, including finding you and bringing you back to his office so that we can get on with what we need to do. And so that he doesn't have to risk seeing her in the halls, although I don't see why he doesn't just get it over with; it's going to happen eventually."

"He's afraid she'll tackle him." He still doesn't look up.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, that behavior seems to run in her family. Her mother had a proclivity for doing the same thing to Denny when they were together; she was the other Bella, actually."

I blink. "Oh. Interesting."

"Quite." He finally looks up, picking up his papers and tapping them together against the tabletop before putting them back down in a neater pile. I see that his eyes look more tired than normal. "Let's head to Denny's office, then." He stands.

Before he can walk around his desk, I put my hand on top of his on the desktop. He looks up at me, startled, and I'm as confused as he is; I don't know what possessed me to do that.

But now I have to say something, so my mind scrabbles for some words that can explain my actions. He stares at me, slightly surprised with eyes a little wider than usual. "Alan," I start, my voice hesitant. "I…"

Before I can say what I feel compelled to, a memory of what that lady Melissa told me about Alan-that he was volatile and not to be trusted-pops into my mind. I close my mouth, poised to speak, and remove my hand from Alan's.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly. I run my hands down my dress and look down. I'm so very tired. I close my eyes for a moment, breathing deeply.

I hear Alan inhale, strangely loudly. "Bella."

I open my eyes and am startled to find that he is suddenly very close to me, too close. His body is inches from mine and his face closer than it's ever been to mine.

My breath catches in my throat as he says, "I apologize again for my behavior the past few days, it's just…you're so…intoxicating." His voice is low and growly, and he finally drags his eyes up from my lips to look straight into my eyes. "You're different from other women. Much different."

I can barely draw a breath, because I'm afraid if I inhale my chest will brush his. And yet I feel an inexorable pull towards him, one so strong that I can hardly resist it.

Slowly, barely, his hand lifts and moves towards my face, his thumb just brushing my cheek, and yet I feel like I've been shocked where his skin touches mine. I suck in a breath and stare at his narrowed eyes, pupils dilated to the almost full size of his irises. Some fact about dilating eyes and arousal vaguely flashes through the back of my brain, but I'm too distracted to think of anything except the man in front of me.

Summoning all the willpower in my being, I slowly, painfully, step away from Alan. Cold air rushes between us like a flood, and all the pain of the past months of my life comes back to me.

"Let's go see Denny, Mr. Shore," I say, my voice whispering and hoarse.