CHAPTER 18
What happened with 'just for the night.' I have to admit, Toby had good taste. Leather furniture and a pull out bed. White walls decorated with valuable art pieces. A small, quaint kitchen, with brown, wooden tiling and silver metallic appliances. And very soft bed sheets. But this was no home to me. No matter how long its been.
Currently, two months when we drove away and into Toby's quaint apartment complex. We had planned to stay a day… or two. But it only took a day for Charity to bee sucked in. And it was quite annoying. I don't know if its possible to say or think for that matter, but I feel like I've been placed in a more bitter hell. Charity and Toby clicked. The first few nights, Charity and Mikey took the guest room and I slept on the pull out bed. And then, Charity and Toby shared a room. And I bunked with Mikey. It was immoral. Something was slowly being sucked from Charity. Everyday she seemed to fade away from reality. And every night I had to suffer through Charity's laughter. What had once sounded like bells, had now turned into a death toll for me.
Mind you, Charity still took care of Mikey as if he were her own flesh and blood. But the way she acted. It made me want to punch babies. Okay, not really. But it was slowly doing something. To all of us. And since my stay here, Toby and I hardly interacted. It was like there was some strange piece of information right there in front of us, something we both knew, that this would turn out bad, for someone. Only I couldn't figure out what it was. Everyday I pull Charity aside and remind her we're still in Gotham. The first couple of days, this had bugged her. It brought back her woe for her sister's death. But then, she just smiled and said, "It's not that bad of a place." She met eyes with Toby that day and I knew. Damn it all. Charity and I were supposed to be there for each other. And now, once again, I was alone.
I know how I am supposed to feel. Relieved, happy, fulfilled, alive. I'm supposed to be getting on the next bus, plane, taxi ride, and get the hell out of here. Head home. But the thing is, I couldn't do it. I know why. But I refuse to admit it. If I do, I may truly go crazy. I really hadn't left his apartment since the day we got here. A couple of times I went outside, but I either felt extremely alone, surrounded by nothing. Or Charity and Toby and Mikey came along, and the sight of them, like they were a family, sickened me. A lot. So I just stayed home.
So here I am.
Sitting on the somewhat sticky leather cushions of Toby's leather couch watching cartoons. The only other thing on this early ( remind you, no cable) was the news. And I wanted no part of what was going on outside of these four walls. Besides, Mikey was enjoying them very much. I heard a fit of laughter as Charity came prancing out of the bathroom, and Toby right behind her. He stood silently, staring at me and then turned to Charity.
"Shouldn't you say something to her?" he asked. My brows furrowed together. I looked questionly at Charity, who read my mind. "It has nothing to do with that,' she suddenly said. Her perfectly made up face, dropped. "I'm worried about you," she said. She looked over at Toby. "We're worried about you." I think I'm going to be sick. She sounds just like my… mom. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Like you should be worried about me," I said. But her face was serious. "I won't lie, Emma," she said. "You look like hell, but worse. You're pale white. You always look tired. I think you're really sick, Emma." I laughed, suddenly. Very loud and awkward and they both just stared at me. Even Mikey's laughter had vanished as he tried to concentrate on what was going on.
"Emma, I thought this is what you wanted," she said. "What?" I said, almost menacingly. "You think I enjoy bunking with Mikey while you two love birds spend every second together. I bet you think I actually enjoy the little family you've created. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you! But all this is doing is reminding me of what I don't have!" I stopped to breathe for a second and cut off Charity before she could say another word. "Really, I hate living here. But where else am I to go? I have no one but you Charity and I've already lost you. I should really pack up and leave. I really should, but the thing is, I'd probably drive myself off a bridge right about now."
Charity's face hardened, "You think I don't understand what you're going through?" A smile spread across my face, "Exactly." My words ended coldly and I could tell Charity had turned on me, "I lost my sister, Emma. To the Joker. And I had to raise Mikey on my own." I stared at Charity. She has only tried to help me. But there's no helping me. I'm a very strange girl. I shook my head. "You're right," I said, despite how I actually felt. Nothing would be accomplished here and it would only make this perdition worse if I were to upset Charity. She still frowned at me, "Emma….." She just walked away. And an awkward silence fell between Toby and I. I shifted in my seat and Mikey continued watching cartoons. Toby cleared his throat.
I looked up at him. There was always something I wanted to ask him. I looked up at him and just as he was about to walk off I called for him. He looked smugly over at me. "What?" he asked. Now I cleared my throat. "How do you know who I am?" I asked. Toby laughed at my question, "What do you mean? You've lived here the past two months." I sighed, "I mean before that!" Toby's face transformed into a mass of confusion, guilt, and something sinister. "I don't know what-" "Don't give me that!" I hissed at him. "I would've believed you were just some stranger had it not been for that fact that you called me Emma. Not Sarah."
He lifted his eyebrows at me, "Now why would I call you Sarah? Your name's Emma." I laughed, he couldn't possibly think I was that stupid. "I'm not that stupid!" I said. He frowned at me. "Tell me, Toby, and be serious," I said. He shook his head at me and just then Charity walked back into the room. She looked between Toby and me. "Well…." she began, "Anyways, Toby, Mikey, and I were going to go to Eastgate Park. Did you want to come?" I didn't. "Where's that at?" I asked. Charity looked over at Toby. "It's on the eastern side of Gotham," he admitted. My eyes grew big. That was on the other side of the city. "Where we came from?" I asked. Charity frowned, "I'm sorry, Emma. I never should've asked." I shook my head, "No, you shouldn't have. But I'd like to come anyways." Charity gave me an odd gaze. I don't blame her. I would look weirdly at me too. "Actually if you could just drop me off at Chateau Place, I would love that." My mind literally went blank. That is indeed the last place I would ever want to go to. Chateau Place. Huge romantic condominiums and equipped with a huge dancing hall about 6 stories high overlooking the river. The exact place where my entire life had been changed forever. "Chateau Place?" she said looking at me.
I thought hard, desperate for a reasonable answer that didn't make me look crazier than I already do. "Yeah…uh, it's like one of the richest condominiums in Gotham. And it has a giant ballroom which overlooks the river. I'm hoping maybe they'll have tours or something and I can check it out." I tried to look as delighted and happy as I could. It really was like I was talking to my parents. It was kind of creeping me out. Charity's face brightened but I could still see the suspicion in Toby's eyes. "Uh," Charity looked at Toby. "We could do that right?" Toby looked at Charity and smiled, "Of course. It's right along the way."
"By the way," I started, "What's in Eastgate park that would make you drive an hour to get there?" Charity looked over at Mikey, "A Festival!" Mikey's eyes brightened and he jumped off the couch, "Festibal!" he shouted and he hurriedly ran over and slipped on his shoes.
I forgot when two lovers are driving they're always holding hands and making those kissy faces to each other. It's quite disgusting if I may voice my opinion. Charity kept stealing glances at Toby, who stole glances at her as well. And every once in a while, they'd catch each other looking, and silently giggle to each other. Does that not bring up your lunch or what? Mikey fell asleep, no doubt within the first ten minutes we started driving. And I resulted in watching passing trees and the occasional building for entertainment. Which was boring, for lack of a better word.
Station 97.1 was on, the station with all the cheesy 90's music and country love songs. The exact station that would one day cause me to beat a radio with a bat. Taylor Swift's 'Our Song', was playing and I won't lie, I just about puked. I looked into the rearview mirror and caught Toby staring at me. I felt utterly uncomfortable and so I shrunk down in my seat and looked out my window.
The closer we got to Gotham City's insides the more buildings I began to see. Short, nameless buildings, but tons of gas stations. Then healthier, taller buildings, but still not glamorous. This was going to take awhile. And now I'm put in the situation to start thinking.
Maybe it was the third day I returned home?..
Ally, "Mom, she's hurt and very scared. It's very plausible that she wouldn't want to talk about anything that's happened." Mom sighed and wiped her tear-streaked face with a tissue. "But we're her family!" she cried out. "We're here for her. She won't even mumble a word about what's happened. I fear she's gone nuts!" Mom sat cross-legged on Ally's old bed. I peered into the crack of the door. I know eavesdropping is not a good thing, but I had to know what they were thinking. It wasn't enough to guess they thought I was crazy. I had to know if things would be okay. Ally sighed, "Mom, she's not crazy. I have complete faith in my baby sister that she's going to be fine. She's tough, Mom. You know that. I know that. Dad knows that." Mom shook her head, "I hope Emma knows that." Ally patted Mom's back, "Trust me Mom, she does." Mom nodded her head. Then gave a look of fright to my older sister.
"What do you suppose happened to her?" she asked. There was a moment's silence and Ally stared passed my Mom. I could see the tears building up in her eyes. I know that the police didn't release any information as to who kidnapped me and why. Just the bruises and scars were enough to tell them whoever they were, they were dangerous. I looked at Ally. I could've sworn she almost knew word for word what happened to me. And who did it. But she turned to Mom and simply shook her head, "I'm not positive Mom. I don't even want to think about it either. All I know is she's home and she's safe now. We have her back and you should stop trying to push her Mom. If she doesn't want to talk about what happened, then there's a reason for it."
But Mom is very persistent. I walked back to my room and landed on my bed. In a few seconds she would be in here… Bingo. Mom creaked the door opened and poked her head in. She tried her hardest to keep a straight face and clean away her tears. "Can I come in?" she asked. I nodded my head. It hurt so much to think my Mom thought I was crazy. A nut. Asylum-worthy. Mom walked in gravely and sat stiffly on the end of my bed. Then with a muffled sigh she turned around and faced me. "Tell me honey. Tell me everything that happened. Like you said before, talking is the best medicine," she said. I smiled dryly at my own words. I had said that. When Mom and Dad were going through a rough patch. But that's a different story for a different time. But I kept my mouth shut. "You were so little then, so innocent…." her voice trailed off.
"What happened to my baby girl? What did you do?" It was there I found the truth I had been searching for. My Mom indeed thought I was crazy. That I, myself, brought about this situation which my life had fallen into. She somehow thought a part of this kidnapping was my fault. Had she really thought I was whoring around or something? Did she think I was even capable of such behavior? "Mom…." I said, my voice losing all feeling as I wrapped around the truth. "My situation….. I immanent." I told her. How could I possibly begin to explain the truth. Especially to someone such as my own mother. Who honestly wouldn't doubt I had somehow put myself in this situation. As if I wanted to be kidnapped. As if I wanted to fall in love with such a vial, narcissistic man, who's ideal date was blowing up a building and peering at the mushroom cloud of smoke in the distance.
My mom had simply stared at me. All hope lost in her eyes. I knew I would have to return to him eventually. It was best she thought I was crazy and destroying my own life on my own. That way she wouldn't know the truth. Something far worse than whoring around. I had somehow, although it defies all of humanity, fallen in love for a mass murderer. She wouldn't look at me like this. No. If I told her the truth, she'd look at me like I was the psychopath myself. And that would be too much for me to handle.
Mom was in full-blown tears. Crying and I couldn't even hug her. I was afraid I'd taint her with my own bad luck. She wanted to know what happened. That's all. But I couldn't tell her. I just couldn't. I wouldn't. So I just sat there and let Mom blubber on my bed sheets until finally she regained her strength to get up from my bed and exit my room.
Only my Mom would expect I deliberately threw myself into this situation.
Okay, so this was my plan. I'd go to Chateau Place and wait for them to leave. That way they could venture to the park and not have to worry about me. That's when I'd escape. They'd come back to find me, ask where I was, and then put two and two together. That I didn't want to be found. Charity was somewhat piecing together her own life and I would not stand in her way of it. Then they'd just leave and I'd never have to worry about putting Mikey in trouble again. Or Charity. And then I'd be able to do whatever. Okay so living with Charity wasn't as cruel as living with ..the Joker… but feeling so alone and out of place was worse than the fear I felt when I was with him. And I hated feeling like a burden. And I absolutely had to get out of here.
I was just assuming they would let me leave. But who's to say assuming is the best thing to do?
Finally, we pulled into Chateau Place. I hadn't noticed at first, but this was it. The place where my life changed forever. Cliché, I know. But so much the truth. It was eerie to be here. I almost forgot about the shooting and everything. But the building being as famous as it is, it was already up and running again. I wondered if I really would be able to tour the ballroom.
"You want us to go with you?" she asked, gazing high up the building in amazement. Before Charity was consumed by the building's presence, I replied quickly, "No. This is all me." With that I got out of the car, shut the door, and waved slightly as they drove away. The last time I would ever see them. And now, time to plan where I was going to go.
I looked at Chateau Place. 'Well, while I'm here…'
The inside was just as brilliant as the outside. Clean cut and shining. Marble floors and granite tables and counter tops. The workers all in white and black. A huge chandelier hung high in the lobby. Which was practically empty. Across from the double door entrance was a high-desk and behind it stood a woman. Dressed in a dark button-up, her red hair flowed lightly above her shoulder. She wore dark-brimmed glasses and smiled sweetly at me when I entered. For once I was self-conscience. I stared down at myself for a millisecond. Too aware of the grey sweats and baggy white sweatshirt I was wearing.
"Hello," she said greeting me with a welcoming smile. Very practiced, that was for sure. A person could run into this place on fire yelling obscene profanities and she'd still have a welcoming smile. "Can I help you? Are you lost?" I laughed out loud at her question and the clerk herself seemed stunned at my behavior. I instantly stopped laughing and looked at her, "Do you give tours?" She nodded and before she could speak I cut in, "Does that include the ballroom on the sixth floor?" She nodded again then smiled, "Yes. We charge $75 for one round visit through most of the building, including the ballroom, and into some currently available condominiums. They are luxury, Miss." A mix of signals here. She mentioned the price right away to scare me off. Then mentioned the luxurious available condominiums to me to make a sell. Or at least sell a tour ticket. She obviously didn't want me hanging around.
I had no money what so ever. But I was getting up there. I shook my head, "Never mind then." The woman's smile faded, "Are you sure?" So fake. I nodded. "Actually, do you mind if I use your restroom real quick?" The woman's face was now getting irritated. And I noticed behind me a rich couple waiting impatiently to talk to her. She shook her head, "I'm sorry, but…. company policy." She looked to the gentlemen behind me, as if she thought I would just walk away. "Excuse me?" Her eyes met mine again. "Then may I speak to the manager or company owner of this place? I have a huge complaint to fill out." The woman's eyes were my sign of defeat. "Go down that hallway and turn left, past the elevator is a unisex bathroom." No more playful smile? I grinned and made a quick dash down the hallway.
Sure enough, there was the one stall bathroom. As I waked by I pressed the elevator button and waited for it to stop on ground level. Then, I made a dash for the side wall. When the elevator doors opened I peeked in. To my surprise, there was no one. Not even an elevator guide. Can I be any luckier? I stepped in and quickly pressed the button for the doors to shut. Then clicked for the 6th floor. My heart was racing, just the thrill of getting caught where I didn't belong put me on edge. And I was amazed. I have never been a person with enough guts to be able to pull off something like this. I don't know what's gotten into me.
The elevator dinged and slowly opened. I held my breath and peeked outside of the elevator's safe walls. No one. And straight ahead were the two huge brass doors leading into the massive ballroom. With a few silent steps, a click of the doors opening, I was in. The ballroom was absolutely empty. It brought back memories. I looked around, trying to imagine where everything and everyone was. The caterer's table. The dining tables. Bride and groom's table. The DJ stand. Melissa and Grant. That guy who asked me to dance when I was over… there…. where the bar was. And then I walked over to the huge glass windows overlooking parts of Gotham and the river.
I sighed. I knew where I was going after all of this. I knew what had happened, as much as I never, ever, wanted it to happen, it happened. I fell in love. I wish somehow it was true but it wasn't. You simply cannot choose who you fall in love with. If that were the case, the world would be madness.