Chapter 13!

Titles: "Weapons and Worries"

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

…

He's right behind me.

My hand felt hot.

"Hey you guys, I decided that I wanted to help you out." Kakashi-sensei spoke up. His voice sounded normal, even slightly cheerful. But it still didn't sound right.

Naruto and I turned around to him.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled out, running over to him, not letting go of my hand, dragging me behind roughly.

"Hey, Naruto…" Kakashi said a little coldly, walking past Naruto without looking at him. "How're doing, Yamato?" Kakashi started a little conversation with Yamato-taichou, leaving me and Naruto both feeling a little put off.

But I think I was the only that was suffering from a great guilt-rush.

Naruto brushed off the issue of Kakashi's cold shoulder, adopting his usual big grin that seemed a bit brighter than usual.

"Ne, Sakura-chan…" Naruto was talking to me, but I really couldn't focus on anything except how my fingers were really sweaty in his hand. And how much I wanted to just stop the whole thing and explain it all to Kakashi before he got the wrong idea.

But he was walking ahead of us, talking with Yamato about his pickpocket mission.

Is he angry with me?

He's probably upset.

My stomach twisted itself in a knot and settled itself as if the guilt from knowing that he's probably not all that happy with me wasn't going to go away any time soon.

…

The sun was starting to set on the horizon.

Where did the rest of the day go?

After an hour, the air was cooling, my hand wasn't so sweaty anymore, but it still felt weird in Naruto's hand. Clammy.

Naruto was still grinning to himself.

I wondered just how long he could keep that smile before his face hurt too much.

Kakashi was now walking behind us.

I really didn't like the way he could see me, and I couldn't see him… especially when I didn't want him to see me holding hands with Naruto like this.

...

I tried to imagine what I would feel like if Kakashi had to pretend to be some other girl's boyfriend (again, that word labeled onto Kakashi sounded weird but for the purely hypothetical scenario I overlooked it), but I didn't know it was only pretend or not… I grimaced to myself.
That would kind of worry me, to say the least.

Throughout all of this I almost forgot that little demon, Koichi.

(I should really stop calling him 'little', since he's taller than me.… Then again he's younger than me… so I guess its okay…)

I definitely understood that not being pestered by Koichi wasn't as important as Kakashi's feelings, but if I decided to drop the act now, it would only cause drama and confusion for everyone besides me and Kakashi, who would have to later endure watching the demon ask me out every two minutes anyways… at least this way, it was easier to explain it to him.

But when would we get to talk to each other without the others around?

"Ok, we'll need to set up camp around now." Yamato-taichou spoke up as we walked into the side of the darkening forest.

That was the only good thing I could think of coming from Yamato being our team captain this time… it was his capability of making an entire building for us to sleep in.

But I couldn't even take comfort in that as I kept glancing over to Kakashi every chance I got.

He seemed to notice every time I was looking at him, and he would turn away just in time. Or maybe that was just my imagination…
I offered that unlikely bit of solace without even accepting it myself.

I was getting kind of scared.

What if he doesn't want to deal with this?
What if he's secretly thinking how troublesome a relationship like this was?
What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore?

I could almost imagine him trying to think of way to end this relationship before it's actually begun because it wasn't as… good as he wanted it. Or it was too much work. Or I just messed up too many times.
But no matter how I looked at it, it was an extremely scary thought… losing him…

Even though our relationship was still really young, and these feelings I have for him were kind of new, too… the idea of never being in his arms again….
My thoughts trailed off into sad and dark places after that as Yamato-taichou set up an elaborate, wooden house.

I was growing impatient. I needed some sort of opportunity to talk with Kakashi-sensei. Just a few seconds or something. Even if he's somehow already figured everything out, I just needed to talk to him, to see what he feels about me right now.
The thought of him being angry was more than a little intimating.

My thoughts were brought back to current reality when I saw the demon stare up at the masterpiece as it was forming, his eyes wide with childish amazement… he had never seen ninjutsu before probably, and the wood element was really rare… well, it was one of a kind.

I didn't focus on the demon for long.

We all walked into the wooden house, Naruto finally let go of my hand.

I rubbed my hands together, then against the fabric of my skirt, trying to get the clammier one to feel more natural.

We walked upstairs to the 'camping' room.

We all set down our blankets and pillows as improvised futons.

"Ne, Sakura-chyan… do you wanna sleep a bit clos-" Naruto's voice was pervy.

"No!" I said as loudly as I would have at any other weird suggestion Naruto made.

But this time my angry voice turned heads.

Yamato wasn't really fazed, just interested, Sai was a little confused, the demon was looking at us with hope in his eyes…. Kakashi was smoothing out his thin 'futon'.

My heart deflated a little.

"Uh… not tonight." I said with my normal voice, looking back to Naruto, who seemed to be having too much fun with all this.

I felt really rotten.

Every time I thought about Kakashi-sensei, I was having the hardest time stopping myself from going over to him.

I really wanted to tell him that I was sorry for this before he got any weird idea or got any angrier. Even now, he seemed to be really trying to ignore and avoid me… my stomach twisted into another knot on top of the old one.

Yamato set up the lantern in the middle of room casting an amber glow on everyone as they started hunkering down.

After my futon was flattened on the floor, I glanced over to him for the 30th time today.

He was already under his covers… facing the opposite way.

I took a deep breath, stifling the strange desire to go over there and probably say something stupid in an attempt to discreetly apologize.

I crawled under my blanket, facing away from everyone else, ignoring the little conversation that Naruto, Sai and Yamato were keeping up about what they were going to do when we got back to the village.

The Koichi-demon must've already been asleep.

I closed my eyes, forcing myself to fall asleep quickly.

I'll fix all this tomorrow…
I promised myself before I slipped into the darkness.

…..

"Sakura…. Sakura…" His voice. Whispering.

Someone was brushing hair off my face.

I opened my eyes a little.

Everything was pitch black. The lantern must've gone out.

"Mm?" I hummed questioningly; my sleepy mind was unable to think of words to say yet.

I felt a pair of hands fall on the floor on either side of my head.

I felt familiar lips brush against my cheek, approaching my ear.

"Meet me outside." His voice.

My hand reached up to his wrist, holding onto it groggily.

His arms lifted away from the ground, his hand slightly squeezed mine before disappearing into the darkness again.

After a few seconds of only staring into that darkness, my eyes half-open, wondering why exactly that voice would need to meet me outside, I flung the covers aside quickly.
The rush of cold night air woke me up entirely.

I shivered a little.

My brain suddenly made sense of why he would want to see me.

This was my chance to explain, my chance to apologize, my chance to be alone with him!

I hurriedly found my boots, pulling them on just as hastily as I had when he had suddenly appeared on my balcony. I kept checking the other sleeping forms in the room, Naruto rolled around a little, but everybody seemed really sound in their sleeping.

I walked quickly, but silently, out of the room. I sped down the stairs even though it was really dark and I could've tripped…. I didn't care about myself right now.

The moonlight shown through the main entryway.

I ran through the door-less archway, looking ahead of me.

I scanned the forest in front of me, expecting him to walk out from between the trees, or jump down from one of the branches.

I felt a pair of large hands find my waist.

I breathed in a small gasp I hoped he didn't hear.

His fingers slid forward, forearms folding across my stomach.

His bare arms pulled my back close to his warmer chest.

I shivered again.

I couldn't see him, but I could tell that he was probably still… bothered.

"Kakashi-sen-…." I stopped myself. "Kakashi…." I corrected myself, feeling more than a little stupid now.

His arms tightened around me.

I heard him take a deep sigh.
It sounded like the sigh he always used whenever Naruto or I would get into a fight and he didn't want to bother with splitting us up, or whenever we found out a seemingly easy mission was actually connected to an A-rank one, leaving us double the work for half the credit. In the end I guessed it meant he was tired and a little disappointed.
I fought to keep a third knot from tying up my stomach.

I lifted my arms to land on top of his, I placed my hands on his ungloved wrists holding onto them gently. His bare skin was warmer than I thought it would be. I kind of liked it.

I was woken from that pleasant thought and moment by his voice that vibrated through my back.
"Please tell me Naruto didn't actually win you over." He whispered, his chin leaning against the side of my head. I could feel him press the side of his face against my hair for a moment.

"I'm really sorry." I stuttered out, finally apologizing like I had wanted to all day.

His arms unfolded around me, his hands landed on my waist again, he turned me around to face him.

His mask was down, he wasn't wearing his vest or long sleeve shirt, he had on his blue turtle-neck, sleeveless undershirt, which was normal for it was a little shocking… I hadn't seen him like that in a while. It seemed different now.
Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't help but think he was really attractive…. Which was something I never really thought much about when I was… before this…

Even though I had been staring at his face for the moment I was lost in thought just now, I finally recognized his expression.
He looked confused, his eyes showing the disappointed I heard in his tone earlier.
Wait, didn't I just apologize.
He's still worried about something?

I panicked for a moment, trying to think of what else I had wanted to say, something I could say.

"He did?" Kakashi had taken my words the wrong way, asking that question with actual pained and alert curiosity as if he really thought it was possible.

"No, of course not!..." I hushed myself quickly, but I couldn't help but raise my voice at that accusation just now. "… I'm really sorry for not being able to explain the situation sooner." I wrapped my arms around him, explaining a everything the way I'd wanted, feeling even more like a fool for ruining the simplest apology and confusing him like that.

I felt him chuckle lightly as I held onto him a little tighter. I guess I'd rather have him think I was funny than annoying…

"You scared me for a second." He admitted playfully as he held me back. "Actually, I was a little worried for a couple hours…" I could imagine the little, fake smile he was wearing as he said that.

"I'm sorry." I said again, burying my face against his firm chest.

"It wasn't an easy sight to see, but it's okay… it was just holding hands, after all... " His voice rumbled against my ear.

Without the vest and shirt, he was so much warmer, thinner, louder.

I felt so childish for thinking that he would hold a grudge for seeing me hold Naruto's hand… it wasn't that bad. Holding hands wasn't really a lot.

I guess I still needed to get used to being in a relationship like this.

"If you two had kissed, then I'd have a bigger problem." he said a little more cheerfully to himself.

At the mentioning of kissing, I had nothing else on my mind.

I needed to kiss him… I needed to show him that I didn't want to kiss anyone but him.

My arms reached up to his moonlit face, impatiently pulling him down.

I saw his expression for only a second, his eyebrows were curved at a high peak, like he was in some sort of pain.

This time I took a deep breath before our lips met.

Maybe that would help.

…

I quickly noticed that something was different this time.

His hands travelled up and down my back a little, but they were still pulling me into him.

His kiss deepened.

His lips moved faster than I remembered they used to.

That deep breath wasn't doing me any good against this new kind of kiss.

Everything was getting warmer.

I couldn't help a quiver of sound escape my throat, a moan.

As if reacting to that embarrassing escape of my voice, his hand reached up and curled around my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair, drawing me in deeper.

His other arm wrapped around me, pulling me against him completely.

My hands clutched his hair.

This was a little strange…

We had never been like this before.

This frenzied.

Then in a moment, he pushed me away.

I hadn't realized how light-headed I had gotten until I breathed in a lungful of air.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered in between his own, not as deep, breaths.

"What?" I could only manage one word as I rested my head against his firm chest again, my arms fell to his chest too. I didn't realize before, how you could feel the ridges of his muscles through the shirt.

"That was… too much… for now." He explained vaguely, still breathing roughly.

I didn't say anything… but maybe it was a bit too fast for us. I was still trying to get used to the idea of kissing Kakashi-sensei.

His hands grabbed mine gently.

We stood there for a few more seconds, listening to each other's breathing.

"So, whywere you and Naruto holding hands?" He broke the silence first revisiting the original topic casually.

I exhaled a little irritably at the thought of the demon.

"That heir-boy, Koichi, has been bugging me to go to his mansion with him to watch the sakura trees blossom…" I explained lightly. "He even promised me a kimono…"

He laughed, his chest shaking my body, too.

I loved it when we just talked like this, not even looking at each other, just feeling each other.

"It just sort of happened. And Naruto started pretending to be my boyfriend so that the kid would leave me alone."

"A little childish…" Kakashi said teasingly. Hitting my thoughts of myself on the mark.

"I didn't mean for it to happen." I defended myself playfully, while serious at the same time. "It was Naruto's plan."

"Of course." He said with a tone of faux-understanding.

I laughed.

He joined in.

After a few seconds we were silent again.

I listened to his breathing even out for a moment, loving the sound.

"Why did you join our mission?" I asked, actually a little curious.

"Do I need to say why?" He dodged an answer like a professional. He chuckled slightly.

"You didn't have to do that." I said seriously. He went silent."I just don't want you to inconvenience yourself for me." I explained truthfully.

He didn't do anything for a couple seconds.

I listened to his heartbeat. Strong and deep, a little fast right now, but mine was still faster.

"You need to understand something about us, Sakura…" He sounded serious, his words bringing me out of that little moment of meditative sounds. I felt his cheek press aginast the top of my head. "About shinobi." He added.

I didn't say anything, only listened to the echo of his voice from his chest, feeling his chest expand and drop against the side of my face with every word and breath.

"Our lives as ninja aren't designed to have any free time for relationships or hobbies… we're meant to be lifeless, dreamless weapons…"

I remembered him saying something like this before.

"Because of that, it's even more important that we take care of those who are the most important to us…. Emotionally and physically…"

He was quiet a little longer before speaking up again.

"I've lost too many people in my life to distance and estrangement…"

He took a deep breath, it turned into a sigh. A different one. One that sounded… sad.

"I really need to keep you."

My heart couldn't take many more of his words, if he was going to keep saying stuff like that.

"You'll never lose me." I replied the best I could despite how corny it sounded to me. I felt like it wasn't enough, though.

I looked up to his face.

His eyes were still so sad.

He looked like he was staring right into me.

I put my hands on my face, my right thumb brushing his scar.

I was reminded of exactly how much this man must've gone through in his life.

The people he's lost.

The love that's gone unshared.

The years of slow creeping sadness that afflicts so many shinobi.

It surprised me that he could be so gentle, so caring, so understanding like this... he always seemed like he didn't have any weaknesses, like he was invincible. Seeing this expression from him. I'd never known he could make that expression.
I felt like I really shouldn't be the one for him…
Shouldn't he be with somebody that knew his pain, someone who knew what to say when he made this kind of face?

He closed his eyes.

I couldn't say anything.

I had to settle for actions.

I leaned up on my toes, my lips grazed his scar till I reached his forehead.

"Sakura…" He called my name quietly, his arms closing more tightly around my waist.

Even though he was stronger than me, more mature than me, I still felt like I needed to do more for him… but I couldn't imagine what I could say or give him.

But I knew that one day…

One day, I promised myself…I'll know what to do for you.

…

Kakashi held her as closely as he could.

Today had been a little tougher for him than he had let on.

He had always had a suspicion that one day Sakura was going to fall in love with Naruto. It wasn't a baseless suspicion. Half the village expected those two to be the next Tsunade and Jiraiya –although they never managed to be an item- they were so well-suited that nobody else could seem to interfere with their relationship, whatever it was.

But she had put his worries at ease, and right now, as her lips landed on his forehead, following the line of his scar, he could feel a sense of calm wash over him.

Every time he held her, he would slowly forget all the rest of the world until she was the only thing on his mind.

But one of his major worries had almost taken over only a few minutes ago.
He has always trying to keep himself in check, he almost went too far.
But it was harder to control himself when she was acting so cute… he even if she didn't mean to. He almost lost himself to laughter as he thought about it.

But his mind didn't stay on that thought for long…

...

I need to make this work.

He thought to himself with determination.

Before now, he had always worried how this was all going to end… he couldn't let himself hope that it would work out… he had to prepare himself for some sort of immovable obstacle in their relationship that would split them apart till a more suitable time.

But as his hand brushed through her soft hair, he needed to believe that this wasn't going to end anytime soon.

He needed to keep her.

He smiled down at her worried face the best he could.

She smiled back at him brightly.

He never wanted to lose this closeness.

...

Kakashi was so distracted by his pink-haired lover that he didn't notice the pair of keen eyes watching them from inside the wooden house.

…