Chapter 16!
Title: "Talks and Punishments"
(Even though I said the wait may be longer [or the chapters would be shorter], I still don't plan on doing that until it's reeeaaally necessary [it was only a really early heads-up]… so here's the next chapter, right on schedule! :D)
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
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I stood there awkwardly for a second, holding my arms.
I tried to steady my breathing.
I focused on the sound of the river… the sound of the wind in the trees… it wasn't as soothing as I wanted it to be.
I paced back and forth a little, unsure if I should sit down or walk around.
I decided to wash my face in the river.
My thoughts ran loose.
Why did I do that?
Why did I start crying like that?!
Why did I do that?!!
I rubbed my face with the cold water a little roughly, getting more and more frustrated at myself.
Why did I have to fall apart like that?!
I hate crying in front of people….. I have for a the past few years now!
Ever since... Sasuke left... I've promised myself I would never cry in front of others.
I couldn't even keep a promise to myself....
I noticed that my shirt and skirt were sufficiently soaked.
I stared to wring the excess water drops from the fabric.
I was glad to have something to do.
I'm still really weak…
I couldn't even handle this situation without needing to be saved.
I couldn't outwit or outmaneuver a freaking normal 15-year-old!
I let my hands fall to the smooth pebbles on the riverbed, hunching forward tiredly.
I can't stay like this forever…
I fingers clutched the pebbles into my fists.
I wish I knew how to change myself…
………………………………………………….
Kakashi finally made it back to the resting spot with Kimihiro dragging behind him carelessly.
Kakashi wasn't surprised that Yamato knew immediately that something wasn't right.
"What happened?" Yamato ran over to Kakashi.
Naruto was still digesting by a tree truck, while Sai was peeking over his shoulder curiously.
"There was a thief. He got Kimihiro pretty bad." Kakashi lied like a professional.
He didn't usually lie, (he never found a reason to) but he knew he was good at it.
And this was definitely a reason for it.
"Really?!" Yamato asked more out of shock than disbelief.
Kakashi nodded a little.
"He got away, but Sakura's probably tracked him down by now." Yamato set Kimihiro's unconscious body on the tree log next to a watchful Sai. Naruto seemed to be interested enough to get up.
"I'm going to go back and help her." Kakashi tried to pardon himself.
"Wait!" Naruto yelled out, grabbing his orange jacket off the tree branch. "I wanna go with you!"
"No, Naruto…stay here and help Yamato treat Kimihiro." Kakashi said shortly, already running into the was confused for a few seconds, but shrugged and walked away after he couldn't figure out why Kakashi-sensei wouldn't want his help.
Kakashi really didn't care if they treated Kimihiro or not, in fact he secretly wished that they wouldn't, but right now he just wanted to go after her alone.
Even though Kakashi didn't like the idea of leaving Kimihiro alone with the rest of the team, he was confident that the kid wouldn't wake up for a while longer after that punch he got on the way there.
He sped through the trees, running as fast as he could.
Even though he was in a hurry, he still didn't want to have this conversation that he knew he needed to start.
…………………………………………………………
I stood back up from the edge of the river, feeling a little bit less puffy and watery-eyed.
I really hoped that I wouldn't cry in front of him again…. Ever…
My brain buzzed with different anxieties when I thought about what I should say when he got back….
What could I possibly say?
I really want to apologize, but would that bug him after I've already apologized so deeply for just holding hands with Naruto, when he just saw something much worse about to happen?
Maybe there are some things that can't be forgiven?
There it was again… that constant fear….
My fear that he was only with me because he wasn't bored yet, or because he didn't want to hurt my feelings… or for some other reason that didn't tie him to me as strongly as my feelings tied me to him.
I knew I shouldn't be so skeptical, but I couldn't help but feel a little foolish if I fully believed that Kakashi was with me because he actually had such feelings for someone like me...
The river was suddenly moving so fast away from me I almost didn't notice a hand grabbing mine.
This felt so familiar.
I remembered how much I loved it when he took my hand and sped us off somewhere to be alone.
It was different this time for some reason.
"We only have a few minutes before the others will start to worry." His voice sounded serious.
I tried to bury that familiar, currently bubbling, fear.
I got worried that he was angry at me for keeping this from him.
"Kakashi-se-" My voice was weak, and trembling, but I really needed to get his attention.
"Sakura…" He stopped me. "I have something I wanted to talk to you about."
My heart sank with a heavy, dragging feeling.
He definitely sounded too serious.
I couldn't take this.
This horrible feeling that I was just waiting for him to do something... that I was too weak to do something for myself.
"I'm sorry!" I yelled out, planting my feet on the ground, making him stop right next to me. We ended up in a small clearing, surrounded by trees. "I don't know what else I can say other than I really didn't want to hurt you, and that what you saw was about to happen wasn't because I wanted to. He threatened to tell everyone about us if I didn't." I explained with only one breath. I felt a little light-headed as I pushed the last word out with the last of my air.
I took a deep breath, staring at the ground, waiting for his reply.
"I know…" His voice barely softened, his tone was still stony. "But you didn't have to go through all that…" Now he sounded firm. "If you would have told me, I could've been able to handle it for you."
He looked down at me, only his right eye staring into mine.
I could still feel the intensity of his expression and voice beating down on me.
"I didn't want to be an inconvenience for you…" I said quietly. "I didn't want you to have to save me from something like that." I felt a little ashamed.
I couldn't look up at him, I couldn't look at him.
I was too scared.
"Sometimes, you can't take everything on by yourself…" He replied, his voice was really cold.
He was quiet after that…
He didn't move…
He's really upset at me….
I panicked.
I couldn't find anything to say that could help…
Please do something!
Please do something!
Say something!
Say 'everything is alright'!
"You needed to trust me more…." He said quietly.
I hated how he used the past tense… like I couldn't redeem myself now…
I opened my mouth to try and tell him just how much I really did trust him… I'd trust him with my life in a second!
But I was interrupted by the fact my hand was now really cold.
I closed my fingers, his hand was gone.
I looked up to him, his back was turned to me.
I stared at him, wide-eyed and confused.
...
"Maybe we should rethink our relationship…"
...
Those words hit my ears hard.
I knew exactly what he meant when he said them, but my brain was reacting so quickly with so many different thoughts and emotions that I couldn't process everything at once.
Did he really just say that?...
Am I really here, right now?
Is he… is he trying to…
My heart twisted with a sickly sensation.
I couldn't think…
I couldn't let myself accept what he was saying…
Was this such a flimsy relationship to him that he was willing to drop it like that?!
"We were too careless… if anybody else in our team had seen us…"
His voice was so stone-cold.
I felt each of his words as if they were stones piling onto my heart.
"no…" I whispered. My fists were shaking by my sides. "No…" I said again. "I can't… I can't… let you go…" I managed those few small words. Those words weren't enough… no words would be enough to explain this feeling.
This excruciating tearing at my heart… this horrible fear…
I felt like I was in a room without any air.
I felt like I would collapse with all of these horrible gnawing feelings.
I couldn't stand feeling like this… hopeless... this desperate....
I had to say something…
I had to find the right words that would make him turn around… make him take back those words.
But I felt so hopeless… I had no idea what the right words were…
"I don't want you to leave me…." I said a bit louder. I felt tears threaten my eyes. "You can't leave me!…" My voice was only a whisper, but I felt a sob of frustration push out my voice with a desperate rasp.
God, I really don't need to cry right now!
"If we continue like this, your reputation as a shinobi is in real danger… your private life could be destroyed… your real life as an adult hasn't even started, yet." His voice was still cold. Still so unfeeling.
He was really trying to talk me out of this.
But I knew there was no way he could make these feelings I had for him falter even one bit… no matter what he said.
I found my voice immediately.
"If you leave me… I can't see myself caring about any of that…" I had picked those words out my heart.
"If we don't stop this, we can only look forward to more situations like these… more moments like these…" He argued back solemnly…
I felt my voice get louder with each word, I was so desperate.
"I don't care what happens!.... We'll help each other!We'll save each other!... We'll be together!"
My shouting broke off with another sob of pure fustration.
I ducked my chin against my chest.
I could feel my arms shaking.
"I need to be by your side…I need you… only you." I could only whisper now, my words becoming an airy whisper.
I couldn't hear anythign except my one panicking heartbeat for the longest time.
"Thank you." I heard his voice whisper very quietly.
I lifted my head to look up at him…
What was that?...
Lips met mine with force. Then left.
"Thank you."
He kissed me again, even rougher. I was still in shock. He broke away, his hands finding my face.
"Thank you…"
He kissed me again, this time more deeply, more passionately. Slowly.
My heart felt like it would explode.
Why was he doing this if he wanted to leave me?!
Even in my moment of confusion, I didn't hesitate to kiss him back just as deeply. I really needed his touch, right now.
I quickly figured it out when I felt his familiar, warm, hand curl around my waist, tugging me closer to him.
He still wanted me… He still wanted to be with me.
But why would he do that to me?!
I gave in and kissed him for only a few more seconds, my curiosity was burning too wildly.
I pushed him away, he really didn't want to break the kiss, but I had to ask him something.
"Why did you say those things?!" I asked loudly with a breathless voice.
His grip on me loosened a little, his eyes saddened.
I felt his thumb rub against my recently tear-stained cheek.
"I needed to give you a chance to escape…" He said quietly. Staring at my face.
"What?!" I couldn't control the way I shouted.
"I was afraid this was becoming too much for you… I wanted to give you an excuse to leave me, if you wanted one." His voice… I never wanted to hear it sound like that again.
My hands found his upright-silver hair, pulling him forward into a heated kiss.
I broke away after only a few seconds.
He tried to pull me back into it, but I pushed him away harder.
He really didn't seem to like it when I did that… so I figured that I could use it to punish him a little.
"Don't ever do that again… " I ordered him. "No matter how much you start to doubt me… Never do that!" I pulled him into another passionate kiss, breaking it before he even had the chance to tighten his hand around my back.
He gave me an annoyed look.
I usually never wanted to upset him, even in the slightest, but I had to get my words across to him!
"You need to trust me more." I used his previous words against him.
His eyes suddenly shifted a little.
"Be careful of what you say…" He warned me with a warm voice that I had never heard before.
His arm folded across my back, pulling me right up against him. The space between our bodies was completely gone.
His lips found the edge of my jaw.
Our body heat was suddenly intensified… I felt like I was boiling, but I liked it.
"If you say those things now…" I was shaken out of my rebellious mood when I felt his lips travel down my neck. Skillfully. "…I won't ever let you take them back."
His lips lightly grazed along the length of my neck, reaching my ear.
"I get jealous easily… I don't like sharing… and I don't give up easily…"
That incredibly warm voice whispered directly into my ear. I could barely stand how it made me feel.
I felt his teeth slightly pinch around my earlobe.
I shivered against him.
This was too new for me.
He chuckled slightly.
He pulled away, giving me some slack and space, smiling a cheeky grin.
I got a feeling that I just experienced a taste of what Kakashi-sensei was really capable of… of what he's been holding back.
It felt a little scary, but not enough for me to have any second thoughts about kissing him again.
I suddenly remembered his infamous image back at Konoha… his 'perverted' image… Over the past week I had begun to doubt if he was really all that perverted, but after that just now…. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he had a pervy-streak in him.
I couldn't really say I minded, only if he kept himself in check for a little while longer.
As his passion eased a bit in the next kiss, but not enough to stop my oxygen from running out quickly, I realized that what he just did was probably Kakashi-sensei's version of 'punishment'…
I wanted to hit him playfully for out-showing me, but I didn't care when I felt his hand brush through my hair eagerly.
Now he separated from me before I wanted him to.
"We really have to get back." He reminded me breathlessly. He was back to normal, no longer too cold or too warm.
I suddenly remembered everything else that was going on in the world.
"Just a few more seconds." I grabbed the mask material around his neck, pulling him down to me again.
This last kiss was softer than the others, but not at all worse.
………..............
"Did you two catch him?" Yamato-taichou spoke up as Kakashi and I broke through the wall of bushes.
I was confused.
"Yeah…" Kakashi said using his nonchalant voice. "We turned the thief into the nearest village, they had been looking for him for a long time." Kakashi explained our non-existent adventure further, his hands sliding into his pockets as he walked away. "He shouldn't show up again."
I stared at his back in awe…
He lied to everyone so that he could get some time with me?
Something about that was really wrong, but I couldn't help feeling more than a little happy.
……….......……
After a few more minutes, we found the path again, continuing our, now almost-done-with, journey to the Head Household.
I had been worried about the Koichi-demon for a few minutes, but now he was obediently walking nest to Sai, who was always a little ways away from everybody else.
Kimihiro hadn't looked either me or Kakashi in the eye since we got back…
I felt smug… I guess Kakashi really did scare the kid into silence.
It felt really amazing to have somebody as strong as him as my… I was going to think of the word 'boyfriend', but I remembered how much I didn't like that word pinned onto Kakashi…
I couldn't find any word that could describe our relationship perfectly…
...
Maybe we weren't supposed to be tied to too easily breakable words like 'boyfriend', 'girlfriend', or 'lovers'….
Then again, we've never been easily labeled.
....
… I snuck a peek over to Kakashi-sensei.
He had been looking at me, too.
I smiled and looked away.
I felt excited for whatever adventures we had ahead of us....