Call all your friends
And tell them you're never coming back
Cause this is the end
Pretend that you want it
Don't react
The damage is done
The police are coming too slow now
I would have died
I would have loved you all my life

Long lost & gone

Chapter 4

They just kept staring at her.

"Where is he?" she repeated the question.

There was still no answer.

Before she could repeat her question again there was a voice behind her"Why is it so gloomy in here guys ?" Caroline smiled and came to stand next to Elena.

Elena looked up at her "Did you know?" she whispered.

Caroline looked confused and lifted her shoulders "Know what Elena ?"

"She didn't." Bonnie confessed "Stefan and I were the only ones who knew. We were the ones who told him you were dead, that the spell hadn't been successful and that the vampire blood in your system hadn't worked one way or another."

"You told him I was dead?" Elena was getting a headache, she didn't actually want the whole story she just wanted to get a location so she could jump in her car and get to it.

"Did you think he would have left otherwise? Elena, he nearly killed me before he believed me. Bonnie had to give him an aneurysm before he let go and after that he just stood there frozen, he didn't say a word when I brought him to the airport, he let me." Stefan came closer during his explanation, she could touch him but that was the last thing she wanted to do.

"But why, why?" she was screaming again, fighting back the tears in her eyes.

"Because I loved you, I love you so much, I couldn't let you go. I'm the one who's supposed to make you happy, to make you laugh and protect you. You deserve that, you deserve to be happy." Stefan's hands were now resting on her shoulders, like they were holding her captive.

"Happy Stefan? R

eally? Every morning wanting to go back to sleep because you wake up to your worst nightmare?" she shrugs her shoulders and fights his hands off "Wanting to close your eyes again so you can go back to the dream where everything is just like you've always wanted it to be? You call that happy Stefan?" she looked him in the eyes " I don't"

Stefan's face went from soft to hard and it scared her, she had never seen him this way "You'll never find him, I won't let you, you're my fiancee, you're going to be my wife, you're going to be mine forever." he's holding her shoulders again and shaking her but she wouldn't back down, not now she knew that she could escape all this, that she could live her dream, that it was still possible, that he wasn't dead.

So she straightened her shoulders again and let out a hard laugh "Yours Stefan? I'll never be yours, I never was yours." Stefan's eyes were boring into hers but she had to say this, he needed to understand this "Can't you see it?" she saw questioning in Stefan's eyes, he didn't understand.

"He. Owns. Me" she spoke the words slowly, spitting them into his face one by one.

She felt the back of a strong hand hitting her face, she was thrown against the wall because of the power behind it while two female voices were screaming her name.

Everything went black.

She felt arms around her, holding her tight. Her eyes were fluttering, she knew this room, she had woken up in it a long time ago, she felt safe in here.

"Mmmh, Good morning." she moaned while snuggling deeper into the chest behind her. There was a hand holding her breast, possessing it, she grabbed it and intertwined her fingers with it, stroking the palm with her thumb, playing with the ring on his finger, but she still let it rest on her breast because it belonged there, he possessed it, he possessed her whole body, her mind, her soul, her heart.

He started placing kisses on her shoulders, making his way up to the back of her neck, her ear, her temple. His nose trailing soft patterns on her cheek, she shivered and he laughed. She loved that sound, she loved every sound he made but this was her favorite because she didn't get to hear it often.

"You snore." his voice was husky, it was his sex-voice, she shouldn't be surprised to hear it after the marathon they had last night but she couldn't concentrate on that, she didn't snore!

She separated their fingers and turned around to meet the beautiful ocean blue eyes, she was sure there was only one pair of eyes like that in the whole universe and the genuine smile on his face made them shimmer, he was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. Before she met him, she thought that Photoshop was a very clever program but now she couldn't believe that even an advanced software like that could have ever created something as beautiful and perfect as the man lying in front of her.

"I don't snore." she frowned her eyebrows and crossed her arms in front of her chest, he looked amused.

"I know." he whispered in that husky voice, he lifted his head up an placed it so their foreheads were touching, he was rubbing his nose against hers and placing soft kisses next to her mouth.

"I just wanted you to turn around." he had a big smile on his face and it made her heart ache, knowing that she would leave him in two hours to pick up her boyfriend from his two day school trip. She was glad that she was in another chemistry class, she'd had been able to stay in his arms for two days, her body hadn't left his in two days, she was sure that she would experience withdrawals the second his touch would leave her skin. They'd made love on every surface in the boardinghouse, every couch, cabinet, table, chair and even every inch of the kitchen counter had been used as their sex paradise, she'd lost count after 16 orgasms and that was only after 5 hours of love making but now 36 hours later she still craved him more than anything, more than food, sleep, water and even air, that was the only thing she hadn't given up on because she knew they couldn't go on if she would stop breathing.

Like always he knew what was on her mind "I'd say we'll go another round but they usually take about a day so you wouldn't be on time to pick up our loverboy." he smiled but she could see the sadness in his eyes, his mask that he always kept up showed cracks around her and even if she loved those moments when she could see him care like that, it killed her knowing she was the one putting the sadness there. Small tears were running down her cheek, looking at him she realized how stupid she was. When they had first started this she felt so guilty for cheating on Stefan but it felt so right to give herself to him, she thought it was about the sex, that it would fade but it only got stronger, it got so strong that she didn't feel guilty anymore for cheating on Stefan, she felt guilty for cheating on him because somewhere along the way she became his and he became hers. Somewhere along the way she pushed everyone out of her heart to make room for him and she felt like there still wasn't enough space in it to carry all her love for him.

He kissed the tears away, he didn't ask what was wrong like Stefan would have, he didn't push her to tell him, he knew exactly what she was thinking and it scared her, it always scared her how good he knew her, how he would answer her question before she asked it out loud, how she didn't need to ask him to hold her, he would just put his arms around her and pull her close, she didn't need to tell him that she wanted to be alone, he knew when she wanted to be and he knew that two minutes later she would run into his arms, sobbing and begging him to stay with her because she didn't want to be alone.

"Shh, don't worry. We're going to be okay, you'll see." he pulled her closer, pressing her breasts flat against his chest, with Stefan she would have told him he was hurting her but now she only putt her arms around his shoulders and tried to pull herself just an inch closer, as close as she could get. In that moment it was the first time she realized how much she needed him and how much she would hurt if he would ever leave her.

"Don't ever leave me." she whispered in the crook of his neck.

He didn't answer and she thought he didn't hear it, glad he didn't, she didn't want him to know how much she needed him, how weak she was without him.

But then she heard his voice, soft and not a hint of the usual cynicism present "Never."

She looked up to meet blue eyes, but not the heavy kind of blue, not the kind that made her body tingle, soft blue eyes in a soft face with blond curls hanging around it.

"How are you feeling?" Caroline didn't speak as loud as usual, she kept her voice low and soft.

"Like someone hit my head against the wall and I passed out." she wasn't in the mood to be polite even if her friend had been so kind to bring her here and take care of her.

"Elena, he's really sorry. He's a mess right now, you were just hard on him, he didn't expect you to react like that. You have to understand, he has been building this life with you for six years and he tried everything he could to protect you, save you, make you happy. And it all got taken away from him in two minutes, he wasn't himself, he overreacted, he's sorry Elena."

"What exactly is he sorry about? Sorry for hitting me? Lying to me? Or is he sorry that I found out?" she knew she shouldn't be yelling at Caroline, it wasn't her fault, she knew nothing about it but she couldn't stand that she was defending Stefan.

"I'm sorry for all of it." she heard Stefan's voice behind her and turned around. He really looked miserable.

"I don't care, you lied to me, you hurt me." she was still yelling, it was the only way she wouldn't collapse on the ground in tears.

"And you didn't?" Stefan raised his voice too. "You're saying you never lied to me, that you've never hurt me? Maybe not physically but you've hurt me alright. Do you know how I found out about you and him? You don't, do you? You were to self absorbed to think I knew, but let me tell you something Elena, I knew." his eyes were wide open and his breathing became quicker, heavier, suppressing his anger.

She had never wondered if he knew but it made sense, why else would he have torn them apart. She had always thought that nobody knew but only two days ago Caroline had told her the opposite, she didn't think there would be others too. But if Stefan knew, who else knew?

He didn't wait for her to answer "It was during that school trip, it got canceled after one day because of the storm, do you remember or were you to busy at the time?" she looked at him guilty, she hadn't noticed much of the storm "So I came of that bus, happy because I got to spend the rest of the weekend with you, I ran to your house arriving wet to the skin to hear from Jenna that you're staying at Bonnie's for the weekend, having girls night and stuff. I was a little disappointed that you already had plans because I really wanted to spend time with you, I decided I would pay you a visit over there just to let you know that your boyfriend was back in town and there was a part of me hoping that you would drop everything and spend the weekend with me but when I heard you weren't there and she hadn't heard from you all weekend. We started to get worried and called Caroline." he looked at Caroline who was just watching the two of them argue, afraid to say something wrong.

"I remember that." she whispered and put a blond curl back behind her ear.

"But you weren't there either, we called you a thousand times but I guess you had other things on your mind." he looked at her, accusing her with his eyes but he was right, she had deliberately put her phone off that weekend, not wanting to be disturbed while she was living in her dream world. "I came here to ask my brother for help, maybe he had heard something from you or maybe he could help me track you down." he took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose "When I walked in I saw clothes scattered on the floor, your purse standing on the desk in the hallway and your jacket was hanging over a chair in the parlor. I heard moans, sighs, bodies rubbing against each other, I smelled blood, your blood, but worst of all I heard you scream, I heard you scream his name over and over again." He walked towards the wall putting his forehead against it "He was using you, he used you for blood, for sex, he used you to get back at me." he looked broken and she almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"Stefan.." she tried to interrupt.

"No, I couldn't blame you, you just fell for his charm, for the smoldering good looks, he let you believe you he loved you so you would love him back. He told you my past so you would choose him over me, so he would finally after all those years get his revenge. But I couldn't let him use you, I had to save you from him, he would have broken you, destroyed you, he would have sucked all the life out of you and use you as his personal toy. I couldn't let that happen so I crashed at Bonnie's place, told her all about it, we figured something out, a plan that we could use after the fight with Klaus, in the morning I went back to the school waiting for you to pick me up, pretending like everything was alright, pretending I never heard you scream his name, I had to win you back, I had to save you, don't you understand that I did what I had to do?" Stefan was leaning against the wall, his hands in his hair.

"Stefan, he never used me..." she started but was interrupted

"It's okay Elena, I know this is hard to hear for you but I forgive you, I forg..." Stefan was talking again.

"STOP IT!" she screamed, so hard it made Caroline step back.

She started sobbing but was desperate to explain it to her fiance, he was wrong and he needed to understand it.

"He never used me, He never did anything to make me fall in love with him. I just did." she wiped the tears away and pulled herself together "Do you remember the night after the first fight with Klaus, when we didn't succeed, when Tyler bit him and the curse was broken?" she looked at the two vampires in the room.

They both nodded.

She looked at Stefan "While you were out there looking for a cure, I took care of him. I thought I was going to lose him and it hurt so much the thought of losing him. I was holding him in my arms and it felt so right, like he belonged there and he did Stefan, he had belonged there all along. I was crying and he told me he loved me and how sorry he was for everything he had done to me. How sorry he was for blaming you, how I should have met him in 1864 because I would have liked him back then, I told him that I just liked him the way he was, right in that moment, and I meant it, I kissed him first and then Katherine came in with the cure and he got better. And I've never let go of him since then, not that night, not that morning, not the week or the month after that." she collapsed to the ground but found the strength to lift her head up "Stefan, I'm still holding on to him." she felt arms wrapping around her and blond curls were being pressed against her cheek.

"Elena, If I let you go to him, I'll never see you again. He will break you, all his bad sides will come to the surface and in the end they will kill you, he'll kill you." he was looking at her like she was a five year old telling her that she couldn't climb on the counter.

She knew who he was, she knew his bad sides and his good sides, she knew how jealous he could be how he would make it clear that nobody was to touch her, how he would look at Matt and Tyler at the Founder's Parties, telling them with his eyes not to go near her. She knew how impulsive he was, how he thought that violence solved everything but she also knew the side of him that would sit in bath with her, washing and massaging her head, the side that tucked her into bed after a long day and would hold her whole night. The side of him that would let her put gel in his hair even if she never did it right, she always messed it up, the side that would laugh at that and tell her his hair didn't need to be perfect, that his body was perfect enough. The side of him that would argue with her about stealing the covers in her sleep, how she would pull them off him and no matter how hard he would pull them back, he would always end up exposed to the cold air coming through the window.

"Elena, he'll hurt you, he'll break your heart, it's who he is, he can't help it" Stefan was pleading now, pleading to change her mind, to forget the five years she spend longing for him.

"I know." she whispered the words so softly that if the two persons in the room wouldn't have had vampire-hearing, they would have missed it.

Caroline walked out of the room, Stefan had left a few minutes before her to go hunting, she thought he just wanted to get out of the house, away from all the drama and clear his head.

She saw Bonnie sitting against the wall, the look in her eyes revealing she had heard everything in that room. " Where's Elena?"

"She's asleep, she was exhausted." Caroline took a seat next to her.

Bonnie kept looking at the ceiling "She really feels safe in there, she feels safe in the room from the person we wanted the protect her from, it's ironic." she let out a sharp laugh.

Caroline didn't know what to say, she just stared in front of her to the other side of the corridor.

They just sat there no talking only staring in the distance.

Bonnie was the first one to break the silence "I thought I was doing the right thing, Stefan is right he would have hurt her, he would have destroyed her."

Caroline turned her head so she was looking at Bonnie's face "We don't know that, maybe he loved her as much as she loved him."

"You think he was capable of loving someone besides himself?" Bonnie questioned her.

"Bonnie, we've always known there was something between them, we could feel the electricity flowing from their bodies when they were in the same room, we've always feared there was something more between them, more than between her and Stefan. We know he would have given his life for her." She took a breath and turned her head away from Bonnie to stare at her feet "If you asked me, I would say he loved her"

"But does he still love her?" Bonnie whispered and stared at the vampire's face, who still had her gaze directed to her feet.

Caroline stood up and pulled Bonnie up with her. Taking her car keys out of her jacket and pulling her friend with her to the front door.

"There's only one way to find out."