The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress
Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground

And howl

Long lost & gone

Chapter 6

She snaps her eyes open, looking into the mirror. Brown eyes locking with ocean blue.

"Damon."

They were perfect. Indeed, they were

"I'm here." she saw the lips move in the mirror, she didn't dare to turn around, afraid that he would be gone when she did, that he would take the voice with him, that the arms around her would disappear, that the chest behind her would dissolve, that the ocean blue eyes would close and never look at her again, that he would take his whole being with him, that her heart would go with him.

"You're here." she could only whisper, every second he seemed more real and every second she became more terrified because every second could be their last together, every second he could disappear again, leaving her behind in the puzzle she was after the first time he left.

"Turn around." he was using the same hushed tone like her, she could still see him in the mirror, their eyes were still locked, he was still there and she couldn't risk losing him again, her imagination had brought her this far, she couldn't give that up.

"No." she would keep him as long as she could, she would talk to him as long as possible, she would keep stroking his hand until her imagination would decide that she'd had enough and take him away from her.

"Why not?" she saw him move in the mirror, lifting his chin up and pressing his mouth against her ear, she could feel it and it made her sob even harder than she had before.

"Because if I turn around and you're not here anymore I will regret it forever." she couldn't look away from the mirror, not now she felt her heart beating again, not now she felt every nerve in her body relax by his presence, not now she felt whole again.

"I promise I'll be here." he had never lied to her but she couldn't risk it, she hated being that puzzle.

"No." she shook her head and felt his mouth against her ear every time she shook it to the right side.

"Turn around Elena." hearing him say her name made her shiver, it never sounded more beautiful, his tongue wrapped around it like silk, like he owned the name, and he did.

Could she risk it? Could she turn around and risk giving him up? She knew it was going to tear her apart when he wasn't here, but she wanted to keep him just a little longer, even if she knew that the longer she kept him here, the more pain she would suffer but maybe for this one time she could be brave and take a risk, step away from her safe life, it's not like she wasn't hurting already, she could handle more pain, it would make his existence even more real, maybe she was a masochist, maybe she was still alive because of the pain holding her up.

She grabbed the hand she was stroking, trying to hold him here, his hand closed around hers and she could feel the warmth of it comforting her, assuring her. She took a deep breath and took one last good look at the eyes in the mirror, at the face in the mirror, at the man in the mirror. She closed her eyes, she had thought that he would already be gone by now, that she wouldn't feel him anymore, but she still felt his hand wrapped around her fingers. She turned around and the arms around her waist disappeared, she knew it, it wasn't real, she shouldn't have closed her eyes, now he was gone and she would still be the puzzle. But she was thankful that her imagination didn't take everything at once, she could still feel the warmth of his hand on hers, she didn't want to say goodbye to that either, not now she had already lost so much of him.

"Open your eyes Elena."

His voice was still here, maybe that's the only thing she would be able to keep after opening her eyes, but even if she could only feel his hand it didn't matter, it was enough for her, she could live with that, she could live with any piece that her imagination would be willing to give to her, how small it may be. But she knew she would have to open her eyes someday, she couldn't walk around the house with them closed, she couldn't stay standing here forever, she would have to eat, sleep, walk to the altar...

Thinking about her masochist theory she opened her eyes. Only to be met by the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen, even if she had seen them before, they never looked more beautiful, she had thought that her memory had kept every memory of him perfectly intact but it hadn't, he was more beautiful than she had ever remembered him, he was more real than he had ever had been.

"I promised I would be here." his voice sounded more beautiful than it ever had, she knew she should have known the first second she heard it that he was really here, her mind wouldn't be able to develop such a beautiful sound.

"You're here." and now she was convinced of it, the understanding flowed trough her whole body and every nerve became aware of it, when it reached her legs she wasn't able to stand up any longer and she collapsed to the ground, pulling him with her.

He pulled her in his arms, holding her like she was his lifeline, just like he was hers. He started stroking her hair while she sobbed in his black shirt, she lifted her head to find him staring at her, she placed her head on his shoulder so she was still able to keep their gazes locked, staring at each other while he kept stroking her hair, her whole body was pressed against his, it never felt more comfortable and it never felt more on fire. Having him back here, it screamed for all the years that it had missed his touch, his presence, his skin on hers.

She didn't know how long they sat there but her body became sore from sitting on the floor, it was like he could still read her mind, he scooped her up and carried her up the stairs, not saying a word, just holding her close, pressing her against his body. He carried her into the wrong room but she wasn't going to protest, she didn't mind having memories of him in this room even if it wasn't his room. He was here and that was the only thing she cared about. He placed her down on the bed, still looking into her eyes while she drifted to sleep, she wanted to talk to him, afraid that he would be gone when she woke up but her body was exhausted, it wouldn't stay awake, she fought her own body to stay awake, so she could keep staring at him but it wouldn't have any of it. So the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes were the ocean blue ones that she'd only seen in her dreams for five years and that were finally back home.

She woke up alone in the four-poster bed with tears in her eyes, she'd had a dream so livid, so intense that her whole body was still shaking from it. It looked so real, he felt so real. She looked around and noticed that she hadn't woken up in same room as she had the past week.

Why was she in this room? Why was she in the wrong room?

And then she remembered the dream, he had put her here.

Wait.

It had been a dream right? He couldn't be here. He couldn't have held her and comforted her, could he? But why else did her body feel so calm for the first time in five years, why didn't she feel the hole in her chest?

She turned her head to the nightstand, it was two in the morning. If he had been really here, was he still?

She pulled the covers from her body and stepped out of the bed into the corridor, there was no light downstairs, she moved to the other side of the corridor, to his bedroom, she saw that the door was closed, she always left it open in the morning. She stood still before the door and placed her forehead against it, what if he was really here? She took a deep breath and grabbed the handle, pushing it down and opening the door just an inch.

It was dark, too dark to see anything. She pushed the door further open so the light of the corridor flowed into the room.

There he was, on his side, his back turned to her, his arm stretched out in front of him on the pillows, the other one resting on his stomach. She couldn't believe this, after five years of longing for him, mourning him, he came back, he came back the moment she had given him up, the moment she had damned her life forever.

She couldn't go back to the room she had woken up in, not now she knew he was really here, that she could be with him, that he was in the bed they had shared so many moments in.

She walked into the room and walked to the other side of the bed, her side of the bed. Carefully not to wake him she lifted the covers up and crawled underneath them. She turned her head, seeing his face, peaceful, still as beautiful as ever. He was so close and she still didn't feel close enough to him, she had missed him for five years and she wanted to get as close to him as possible even if he was asleep.

She turned on her side and placed herself against his chest, her breasts pressing against it, she placed her head on his chest and pressed her nose in it, the fragrance was so much stronger than in the pillows. She threw her arm over his waist, placing her hand on his back, feeling the muscles on it.

She closed her eyes, ready to fall asleep when she felt his body moving, the arm lying on his stomach encircled her waist and pulled her closer, the arm resting on the pillows was now wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her even closer.

She tensed and looked up, finding the ocean blue eyes staring at her, she lifted the corner of her mouth in a little smile, ashamed she got caught. He looked at her and she saw the familiar smirk appearing on his face, she loosened her grip on him and kept staring at him afraid he didn't want her here, but he lowered his face and pressed a kiss on her forehead, she leaned her head forwards and looked up when his lips left her skin, staring in his eyes again he pulled her head to his shoulder, placing it there and snuggled into the crook of her neck. She tightened her grip on him and enjoyed the warm breaths against her neck. Her body relaxed as she drifted in a deep sleep, deeper and more peaceful than she'd had slept the past five years.

She woke up with a feeling she hadn't had in a long time, she couldn't describe the feeling, maybe it was relieve, relieve because he was still here, maybe it was happy, happy because he was finally here, maybe it was love, love because she wanted to keep him here, forever.

They had moved during the night, he was on his back and her head had been on his chest, his both arms were wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him and holding her there, their legs were entangled and the sheets were wrapped around them like a cocoon, a cocoon she never wanted to leave again.

There were locks of hair hanging in his face, she stroked them backwards and cupped his face with one hand, he turned his head to her hand and pressed his cheek into her palm. She could tell he was still deep asleep, he was going to be asleep for awhile, she had spend so many night with him that she knew when he was going to wake up.

She wanted to keep staring at him, watching him sleep but her stomach had other plans, it growled so hard she was afraid that it would wake him up when she stayed.

Trying to untangle their legs and bodies the noise got even louder. She pulled herself out of his embrace and left the room.

She entered the kitchen, pulling the cabinets open, deciding what she was going to make. Standing on tiptoes to see what there was still left, she really needed to go to the grocery store.

She pulled out some cereals while humming a song.

"It's a curse you know?" she gasped and turned around.

There was a woman sitting on one of the stools in the kitchen, she was playing with the lapis lazuli ring on her finger while looking at Elena.

"Isobel, what are you doing here?"she ignored the question, she didn't know what the woman was talking about.

"Loving him, it's a curse." Isobel left her seat and came to stand a couple of feet in front of Elena.

Elena took a step back "What do you mean?"

"Can't you see it? Can't you see it that you're whole existence is ruled by him, every move you make? every feeling you have? he dominates it. He always has, from the moment you met him he has controlled you're whole being. I saw you trying to love Stefan because everyone pushed you to but I also saw you being pulled to Damon without any pushing, on the contrary, everybody tried to pull you away from him but you always found your way back to him even when you believed he was dead you kept searching for him, but Elena, he didn't want to be found." Isobel didn't make any sense to her and she just frowned her eyebrows.

"I really don't know what you're talking about but I'd like you to leave, Damon left because they told him that I was dead, they told me he was dead, I wouldn't want to be found either." she was getting angry, who was this woman to tell her stuff like this, she may be her biological parent but she wasn't her mother.

Isobel took her purse that was standing on the counter "I know you don't see me as your mother but I'd like to give you an advice. Marry Stefan." she threw the bag over her shoulder and made her way to the door when she paused, considering something. "I ran into him, a year after the fight. He knew you weren't dead."

"What?" Elena called, she felt a breeze and was standing in an empty kitchen with no one to answer her question.