The stars, the moon,
They have all been blown out,
You left me in the dark,

No dawn, No day,
I'm always in this twlight,
In the shadow of your heart

Long lost & gone

Chapter 7

She was sitting on the edge of the bed next to him, waiting for him to wake up and tell her everything. She didn't know if she could believe Isobel, probably not but she needed the truth and he was the only one who could give it to her.

She came into the room full of anger but when she saw him on the bed, his face pressed into the pillow, she couldn't wake him up, not now he was finally here, finally where he belonged. So instead she placed herself next to his head, her back leaning against the headboard and her legs stretched out in front of her.

When his face snuggled against her thigh her heart skipped a beat, it brought up so many memories of the lazy Sunday mornings they had shared, she had always been an early riser but he never was and neither was Stefan. So in the morning she would sneak out of Stefan's room into his and watch him sleep. She loved those moments when she would sit in his bed, reading a magazine with a cup of coffee in her hand, waiting for him to wake up. He would always snuggle his face in her lap, she would put the coffee down and stroke his hair while reading.

She couldn't resist it and lifted his head up to let it rest in her lap, his whole body adjusted itself to hers and she started stroking his hair but this time she wasn't reading a magazine, she tried to read him, she tried to read on his face what he was doing back here, why he didn't come sooner, when he knew she wasn't dead, why didn't he come back for her?

She would get her answers soon, his body started stirring and his eyes were fluttering. She was still staring at the face in her lap when the ocean blue eyes locked with hers. She stopped stroking his hair and lowered her hand to his cheek, cupping it. He pushed his cheek into the palm of her hand like he had done this morning and let out a moan.

"I've missed this." her voice broke the silence "I missed you." She had to get this out before they were going to talk about the heavy stuff, the stuff that could break her, break them.

"I've missed this too." he kissed the palm of her hand and smiled, hearing her heart flutter.

"Then why didn't you come back for it? You shouldn't have missed this at all." she had to ask it, and if they would go any further she wouldn't find the courage, he was here and every second he was here it became harder to let him go.

"They told me you were dead." the look in his eyes told her there was more, much more and she wanted to know about it, she wanted to know where he'd been the past five years, she wanted to know what he had felt the past five years.

"I've talked to Isobel, she said you knew I wasn't dead." her voice was barely a whisper.

He didn't answer her and turned his eyes away from her, pressing his face deeper into her hand.

"Damon, look at me." she tried to pull his face up with her hand but his vampire strength kept it down in her lap.

She saw him close his eyes and it became too much for her, the tears were already forming in her eyes, ready to break lose.

"Please, look at me." she heard her own voice break and seeing the look on his face, he had heard it too, but he didn't move, his eyes were still closed, only his chest was moving, taking deep breaths.

She lowered her face, letting her forehead rest against his temple. Her lips were trembling against his ear and she could feel the tears streaming on her cheeks, she could see her tears roll over his face "Please, I need to know this, I deserve to know this."

Before she knew it, her back was pressed against the headboard, his hands were gripping her arms and his eyes were wide open. He had pulled them up before she could even blink "You deserve to know this?" his voice was full of anger.

She didn't dare to answer him, afraid he would snap, afraid he would do something that would keep them apart again, afraid that she wouldn't be able to forgive him. She knew he would never hurt her and that there were no other humans in the area but he was unpredictable and he had surprised her once before, it had torn them apart for a long time and she couldn't handle that again.

She had seen him angry before, many times. In those moments the only thing she could see was the anger on his face but now, now she saw everything, every detail, the way his chest was breathing heavy, the way the muscles in his arms were stretching, the way his mouth was formed into a hard line, the way his jawline was pushed forward and the way those eyes were staring at her like they could see into every corner of her body. He had never been more terrifying, but most of all, he had never been more beautiful.

His grip tightened on her arms "You deserve to be happy, why can't you be happy?" underneath the anger she could see sorrow in his eyes.

"Be happy? How could I be happy? You weren't here." she was raising her voice, trying to make sense of his question.

She saw something flicker in his eyes, maybe regret, but it was gone before she could analyze it "I wasn't here because I left you, I left you to be happy."

She tried to digest his words "You left me?" her voice was full of disbelief, they were in love, they were perfect together, the were made to be one. How could he have left her?

"Didn't you think I knew they were trying to fool me? Didn't you think I would've known that you were dead? Didn't you think I would have demanded to see your body? I have known my brother for over a century and a half, he couldn't fool me." he released her arms and positioned himself on the back of the bed.

She just sat there, seeing him move, missing his touch. Trying the process what he had just said, it seemed so unreal, not only him being here but him explaining himself, explaining what had happened, he never explained anything to anyone. In that moment it hit her, she stared into his eyes and she knew what he was trying to explain, all there was left in his eyes was sorrow, it was sorrow because he knew she had waited for his return for five years, it was sorrow because she had mourned him for nothing, it was sorrow because he had used her to get back at Stefan, it was sorrow because he had never loved her.

She wanted to get out of here, this room wasn't her safe room anymore, it was now a room that scared the hell out of her, it was a room that had held so many memories, it was in this room that they were all crushed.

She stood up from the bed, new tears streaming over her face. But there was one thing she needed to know, one thing she probably didn't want to know but one thing that would probably let everything make sense.

"Why did you come back?" she whispered because she was terrified to ask, terrified that the answer would make her the puzzle again.

"I wanted to give you my blessing." he looked up at her, his eyes cold and hard.

When she didn't answer, he clarified "to marry Stefan."

She nodded, trying to keep herself together, she would fall apart somewhere where he couldn't see it. So she walked trough the door, turning her back on him like he had turned his back on her five years ago.

"You still aren't dressed?" she heard Jenna's voice cutting trough her, she had found her safe spot in the library and had been sitting here the whole afternoon.

"Dressed for what?" she didn't care, she wanted to sit here and think about everything, everything Stefan, everything Damon, everything Elena.

"For the Founders Party, the one I've been organizing, the one you promised to attend to."Jenna had placed her hands on her hips, still trying to be the authority figure, she felt seventeen all over again.

"I'll go get ready." she stood up and walked towards the stair, hesitating, she didn't want to see him again, not anytime soon and yet she wanted to see him again, right now, right in this second.

"I'll help you."Jenna grabbed her wrist and pulled her upstairs before she could argue with it.

To her relieve she didn't see him, the door of his room was open but there was no movement in it. The bathroom was clear and Jenna helped her with her make up, hair and clothing. Or actually Jenna did everything, she felt too numb to do something herself so she was handled like a doll and Jenna was the five-year-old dressing her up.

She entered the Lockwood mansion, it was the only house big enough to hold this kind of parties in. She could feel Jenna's eyes on her, expecting her to compliment her work.

"Oh Jenna, this looks amazing! How did you do all this?" she tried to sound enthusiastic and she had pulled it off because Jenna started telling her every little detail, she tried to pay attention but failed miserably.

Her attention was pulled to a couple on the dance floor, sliding around the room, their eyes were locked and there was nothing around them but their partner, their lover. She had to look away, she had been part of a dance like that once, a dance that hundreds of people were watching but she only saw one, she didn't see them staring, she saw only one pair of eyes, she didn't hear them mutter, she only heard his breathing, she didn't feel beautiful that day because everyone told her she did, she only felt it because he was looking at her like she was, the ocean blue dress matching his ocean blue eyes, it wouldn't have matched with the green ones that were supposed to make her feel like that, that dance was meant to be theirs.

She had moved away from the dance floor, she came here for Jenna, her attention should be on Jenna and on Jenna only, but that thought passed quickly when her eyes locked with another pair, a pair of eyes she knew better than her own, a face she knew better than her own.

He noticed her gaze at him and turned away back into the conversation with the sheriff, she turned her head towards Jenna again but her body was still very aware of the one across the room, it kept aching in his direction, her heart kept squeezing and her breathing became more difficult. She didn't want to feel this, she shouldn't feel this, she had no right to feel this, her body didn't have the right, it had been used, it had been neglected and hurt, it should run the other way. Instead she kept turning her head towards him, looking at him. Every time she did she could swear that she saw him glancing at her, avoiding eye contact but she swore that his body was as much aware of her as hers was of him.

The night progressed and she had talked to everyone except for one, she had heard the stories about how Stefan's brother had finally come back after five years, that they had caught rumors that he was dead, they all wondered where he had been, so did she. All night, she had been asked question about the marriage, how it was going, if there was still a lot to do, if she didn't have cold feet, where Stefan was. And she realized that she hadn't thought about Stefan since Damon's return, he hadn't called or texted and she hadn't cared. She didn't even know where he went, she only knew when he came back and it would be too soon because it would mean that his brother would leave. That he would leave and leave her behind, leave her behind with his blessing, leave her behind with her misery, he would leave and never come back, he would leave and take her whole body, heart and soul.

Alaric was talking to her brother, Jenna and Caroline were still discussing the decorations, she had tuned out long ago. She turned her head again in his direction, he was standing alone at the bar, his back towards the crowd, even though she was surrounded by a whole crowd, she had never felt so alone as in this moment, he was here and he was ignoring her, pretending she didn't exist, but she did.

She didn't know what she was doing but she left her family, earning suspicious looks from them. The only thing she knew was that she couldn't let him get away with this, she could let him get away, she wouldn't. She knew it was selfish, she knew that she was doing this because she didn't want to feel alone, she wanted that feeling again, she didn't want to be alone on her own in the crowd, she wanted to be alone with the two of them, like they once had been.

"Dance with me." his back was turned towards her but she knew he could hear her.

She saw his body stiffen and he didn't turn around. "No."

She wouldn't take no for an answer, so she raised her voice a little and put more certainty in it "Dance with me."

She could smell the bourbon he had been drinking and it made him more familiar, it made him more like the Damon she used to know, the one that would protect her, laugh with her, dance with her.

His body hadn't moved an inch and she was still waiting for him to turn around and swirl her around the dance floor.

"No." his voice sounded hard, cold.

She had to use his own game against him, it was cruel of her, but she was selfish for once, for once she wanted things to go her way, she didn't want to listen to anyone else, this was what she needed.

"You wanted me to be happy, make me happy."

She saw his head turn, but his back was still facing her. He talked to her over his shoulder "Go back to your family Elena, it's not going to happen."

She didn't want to give up but they were two rocks, he was the stronger rock and she would be the one that would have to break eventually, she wouldn't get what she wanted. He wouldn't give it to her and it killed her because she would have done anything for him, be anything for him, marry anyone for him.

"Goodbye Damon." she whispered and she knew it was true, this was her goodbye, this was her cutting him out of her life, she had lived five years without him but she had survived, she had thought that he was dead. Maybe it was going to be easier now, knowing he was alive, she could only wish him the best.

She felt a hand on her arm, pulling her back and turning her around, she bumped into the hard chest, the chest that was made for her body, that fitted perfectly with hers. She lifted her face up to find him staring at her, he didn't say anything and started dancing.

She kept their eyes locked, even if she would want to, she couldn't turn her eyes away from his, that feeling was back, she didn't see Jenna or Caroline, the only thing she saw were blue eyes, she didn't smell the lavender in the room anymore, she only smelled bourbon and the cologne that said that she was in the right arms, she didn't need the cologne for that, it was just one of the signs, there were enough other ones, the way her body burned, the way she felt his breathing against her face, the way she felt his arm around her waist and the way she felt their fingers intertwine. God had made a decision when he let them be born, he had made a decision when he let Katherine turn him, he had known that there was going to be someone for him in the future, that he deserved to be loved, even God couldn't have taken that away from him after all the bad he had done, because deep inside this man there was still the boy from 169 years ago.

She didn't know the song but she would be sure to ask Jenna the play list and search till she found it. Thinking about Jenna she looked at her aunt who was standing on the side of the dance floor with a disappointed expression on her face, she had never been a big fan of Damon but Elena knew what her aunt saw, she saw two people so consumed by each other that the rest of the world didn't matter to them, she saw two bodies pressed against one another so tight that this wasn't an innocent dance between a girl and a her fiance's brother, this was a dance between two lovers, two lovers that had been separated for too long, two lovers that had been hurt too much, that were broken and maybe beyond repair, one lover that would give everything up to go with him, one lover that would never love anyone else, one lover that had signed her own execution when she had fallen in love with him, one lover that didn't even regret that for a second.

She heard the song slowing down and clung onto him for just a little longer, trying to tell him with her eyes to never let go again. But she failed, the music stopped and he untied their fingers, he pulled himself out of her embrace and pulled his eyes from hers, she wanted to ask him for just one more dance, and just one more and then another but he pressed his lips against her forehead, stroking her cheek, her eyes closed and she leaned into him.

"Goodbye Elena."

She opened her eyes and he was gone, she saw everybody looking at her, she knew they had witnessed it all and she didn't care, she didn't care what they thought, said. She needed to get out of here.

She made her way to the exit and bumped into Caroline, her friend held her up when she threatened to fall. Elena looked at her, tears in her eyes.

"I need to get out of here."

Instead of being the usual Caroline and pushing her to talk she just nodded and held the door open for her.

"I know."

She went straight to Stefan's bed, sobbing, holding herself after a while she drifted into sleep.

She was wakened by a loud noise, something dropping to the ground. She searched for the switch from the lamp on the night table but she couldn't find it, there was a figure entering the room and she pretended to be asleep, afraid what might happen to her if the intruder knew she was awake. She heard him stumble further into the room and felt the bed shifting next to her, before she knew it an arm was being draped over her waist, holding her possessively. She sighed, feeling relieved, she knew that smell, it was the smell she had waited five years for, he was drunk, she knew it and it didn't bother her, she wanted him here, drunk or sober.

She turned around to find his eyes closed, he was probably already asleep, she snuggled her face into his chest and he put his chin on her crown.

"I just wanted to see you."

He was giving her an explanation, an explanation she didn't needed, she only needed him.

"Shh, it's okay."

She felt his body drift into sleep and snuggled herself harder against him, enjoying him for as long as he was here. She had a feeling it were going to be a rough couple of days.