Santana Lopez wasn't one to handle awkward situations very well. Sure, on the outside she usually seemed pretty calm and collected, but on the inside, not so much. There she sat, half drunk, in a crowded bar, watching her new girlfriend chat away with the first love of her life. They were having one of the weirdest conversations anyone at the table had ever heard.
"...I just don't get it. I danced in three concerts for The Black Eyed Peas, I got to talk with them and everything. But, I looked at all of them really closely, and none of them have black eyes. It doesn't make any freaking sense", Brittany was saying.
"Oh my God...", Puck mumbled under his breath. Quinn and Rachel looked at each other and laughed a little. Santana laughed internally, but wouldn't take her eyes away from Brittany or Jade.
"Yeah, I can see why that's confusing", answered Jade, genuinely."And I bet you a million dollars that none of them actually even eat peas...".
"Fergie doesn't! I asked her", said Brittany, and they both just laughed.
"It's like they have the other half of each others brain...", mumbled Puck.
"Does anybody need another drink", asked Santana, standing up, and almost falling down int he process.
"Um...do you", asked Quinn,eying her suspiciously.
"Can you bring me a Swedish Fish shot, please", asked Rachel.
"Sure. Puck, another beer?"
"Don't worry, I'll get one in a minute, I'm gonna' go hang out with Artie for a few", said Puck, standing up, and shuffling away. "Jade, come with me", said Santana, sticking her hand out. Jade wasn't sure if she was mad because her and Brittany were getting alone, or if she didn't trust Brittany around her, but she knew she was aggravated about something. She smiled, took Santana's hand and walked towards the bar with her.
"That's so weird, I remember Jade from some of my classes back in school. She used to let me cheat off her all the time, she's so cute", said Brittany."I really didn't know who Puck was talking about when he was telling me who he lived with, but now I remember her."
"Yeah, she wasn't really big on letting herself be known around school. Looking back, I kind of see why that was a pretty damn good idea", said Rachel.
"But, you always made it a point to make sure people noticed you, Rach", said Brittany.
"I know, and now I wish I wouldn't have. It didn't really mean anything."
A very confused look came over Brittany's face. She almost looked sad, and Rachel immediately felt bad for being so negative. There were a few things that were well known about Brittany, one being that when she was sad, it was simply heartbreaking.
"Rachel, you seem kinda'...different. I don't remember you wearing that much make up very often. Your style is a little different too", the tall blonde stated.
"She's changed a little, Brit", said Quinn, with a smile."But, don't worry she still has a few of her wonderful qualities."
"Oh, stop", sighed Rachel.
Brittany wasn't one to purposely make anyone feel bad about themselves, but she was blown away by Rachel's attitude. The two of them didn't spend very much time together, but she really did like the tiny girl. Even if she had treated her badly at times. Not once, out of all the times Santana and Quinn had sucked her into their issues with Rachel, had Brittany been comfortable with it. And had anyone asked her, she would gladly admit that anytime she had been mean or hurtful to the girl was because she knew that was what Santana and Quinn would have wanted her to do. Feeling okay with it however, was never an option. She studied her for a moment before speaking again. Somewhere in the middle of her thoughts, Santana and Jade had returned to the table, and sat down.
"Do you still sing?"
"Sometimes, but only here."
"You don't sing on stages", Brittany asked in shock."Like in shows, and plays, and things like that?"
Rachel simply shook her head, than took the shot Santana had set down in front of her.
"But...how come? I mean, that's all you used to talk about...".
Quinn could see that Rachel was starting to get a little uncomfortable, so she decided to save the moment as best she could. Doing so without putting in her own opinion, was not going to happen.
"Brit, Rachel's gone through some pretty bad things. What she wanted was taken away from her, and none of it was her fault. However, she'll get back on track, just like the Rachel Berry we all know and love."
"Yeah right...", mumbled Rachel.
"Wait, taken away from you? Rachel, what happened, are you okay", asked Brittany, with a look of real concern on her face.
"I'm fine, sweetie", answered Rachel, with a warm smile.
Santana studied Brittany. She looked so good, still so beautiful, not that she believed that would ever change. She still had a great smile, her hair to Santana looked blonder than ever.
God, I missed you...
"Are you in town long", asked Quinn.
"Kind of. Artie just came with me to make sure I got here safely, he's going home in a few days. I'm staying for a while. I got a job here, teaching dance classes."
"That's exciting, how did that happen", asked Quinn.
"Well, while I was dancing background, I met this lady, and she said I was just what she was looking for. She just opened a dance studio here in New York, and was looking for instructors. She offered me an apartment, and a really big paycheck, so I decided to do it. I'm really excited!"
"I would be too, that's so Effing crazy", laughed Jade.
"She offered you an apartment? That's kind of random, Brit", said Santana.
"Well, I have to share with some other dancers, but it won't be so bad. At least you guys are here", said Brittany.
"Is that why you an Artie broke up", asked Rachel.
"Um, basically. I mean he's got his job back in LA, and I'm not really sure how long I'll be here so, we're just gonna' be friends for right now."
Santana didn't realize it, but she smiled a little. Quinn noticed, but decided not to bring any attention to it. She knew exactly what her best friend was thinking, and made a mental note to speak with her about it later on.
"Well Brit, since you're here for a while, we might as well get together. Would you like to come over for lunch tomorrow", asked Rachel.
"Yeah, you should", said Jade, all excited. Santana just rolled her eyes, and took a sip of her drink.
"Sure! Sounds like fun", answered Brittany. Without saying a word, Santana stood from the table, and tried to walk away. Jade, grabbed her arm, lightly and looked up at her.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing, just need to pee", she said, before walking away.
"I'll...be right back...", said Jade, standing from the table, and following Santana.
"Are they dating", asked Brittany.
"Yes, they are. Only for a few weeks now, same as Quinn and I", said Rachel.
"Oh my god! I thought you two looked awfully cozy, I knew it", squealed Brittany."I knew you liked her Q...I knew it, I told you!"
"Shut up, B", laughed Quinn.
"You told her", asked Rachel.
"Yes! So many times, during school, I told her to stop being so mean to you, because she only did that because she liked you, and wanted to be with you. She never listened though."
Rachel smiled, and looked over and Quinn, who's cheeks were a pinkish color.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Jade stood waiting for Santana be done with her business.
"I can tell you're upset", she said.
"Don't worry about it, okay", said Santana, from the stall.
"I am worried about it, you were mad at me before we even got here, and you're mad at me now. I'm sorry...", whined Jade. She found she was getting a little light headed and, leaned up against the wall.
"I'm not mad at you", said Santana, as she exited the stall and went for the sink."I'm a little upset about certain things, but I am not mad you. This has just been a very long fucking day, and I kinda' wanted it to end the minute that bitch walked through the door."
"That's not fair, don't call her that...".
Santana shook her head and laughed little.
"Oh yeah, I already forgot. You two are besties now!"
"See? You are mad at me. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you'd be so weirded out, I won't talk to her anymore", said Jade, and she placed her hand lightly on her stomach.
"You don't have to stop talking to her...Jesus, are you okay", she asked, noticing that Jade was sweating a little. She moved to her, and grabbed onto her, just in time for her to lean forward and throw up in the garbage can. Santana just held her up, and rubbed her back until she was done. Once her stomach was empty, she started crying a little.
"I think it's time to go home...", breathed Santana."How much did you drink?"
"Not that much...owe...owwee", cried Jade, grabbing her stomach.
"Okay, it's alright...I've got you baby, just hold on", said Santana, holding onto the girl as she sank down the the floor."I'm gonna' go get your brother...".
"No", cried Jade, grabbing her arm."Just...help me into the office, I'll just stay in there for a while."
"You need to go to the hospital", said Santana.
"Not again...San, please...no hospital."
"You can't even stand up!"
"I have a ch-check up...on Monday...I'll be fine until then. If you don't wanna' help me, it's fine I'll wait a few minutes, and go to the office myself."
Santana looked down at Jade, and sighed. The feelings she had were strong, there was no doubt about that. But, seeing her like that killed her, and she wasn't sure how much of that she could take. She shook the thoughts from her head.
"Yeah right, like I'm just gonna' leave you here like this", said Santana, as she bent down and scooped Jade up."You are so damn stubborn."
As Santana carried Jade from the bathroom, Mercedes was going in.
"Oh no, girl what's wrong?"
"Like it matters, it's not like she'll go to the damn hospital", said Santana."She's throwing up, I'm taking her in the back to lay down."
"You need help?"
"No, thanks though."
"Alright, Jade I'll come check on you in a few", said Mercedes and she continued into the bathroom. Ten minutes later, Santana went back to the table and took a seat.
"Where's Jade", asked Rachel.
"In the office", answered Santana plainly."She's relaxing for a while, she's not feeling good. And, I wouldn't go in there if I were you because she made it abundantly clear that she doesn't wanna' ruin anybody's night."
"That's ridiculous", said Quinn.
"She's being ridiculous", snapped Santana.
"Awe, is she sick? I hope she feels better and comes back, she's so much fun", said Brittany.
"I'm going back there", said Rachel, standing from her chair.
"No, don't...just sit down", warned Quinn.
"Why, so I can sit here and listen to you go on some more about how no matter what, I'll start chasing after my dreams again?"
"Here we go...", breathed Santana.
"Oh God, Rachel don't even start. I have barely said a word about it!"
"Oh don't worry, she'll get back on track just like the Rachel Berry we all know and love", said Rachel, quoting Quinn's words from earlier.
"You couldn't wait, could you? You've been dying to bitch at me about that since I said it!"
"Well, then you shouldn't have said it, because it's not gonna' fucking happen, Quinn!"
With that ,she stormed off towards the back.
"Did Rachel just drop the F bomb", Brittany, in shock.
"Yeah, she does that now. It's great", giggled Santana.
Quinn just sat there, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Um, Q...want me to go get you another drink", asked Brittany, shyly.
"Yes please."
Back in the office, Rachel opened the door to see Jade, half asleep on the couch, with her headphones in. She was covered in a blanket, with her head resting on the back of the couch. She looked so comfortable but, Rachel knew she wasn't. She was whispering song lyrics to herself, and didn't even noticed Rachel walking into the room.
Jade-
I can remember the very first time I cried,
How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside.
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past.
Didn't even take the time to realize.
Starin' at the cracks in the walls,
Cuz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end.
Still I curl up right under the bed,
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again.
Rachel-
Do you even know who you are?
Jade finally notices that Rachel's in the room.
Jade-
I guess I'm tryin' to find...
Rachel-
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Jade-
I want to be a star...
Rachel-
Is life good to you or is it bad?
Jade-
I can't tell anymore...
Rachel-
Do you even know what you have?
Jade-
Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight.
How the birds will sing as I count the rings,
around my eyes.
Constantly pushing the world I know aside,
I don't even feel the pain, I don't even want to
try.
I'm lookin' for a way to become,
The person that I dreamt of when I was sixteen.
Oh, nothin' is ever enough,
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem.
Rachel-
Do you even know who you are?
Jade-
I'm still tryin' to find...
Rachel-
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Jade-
Everybody wants to be...
Rachel-
Is life good to you or is it bad?
Jade-
I can't tell anymore...
Rachel-
Do you even know what you have?
Jade-
No.
Jade & Rachel-
Sorry girl, tell a tale for me.
Cuz I'm wondering how you really feel.
Jade-
I'm a lonely girl, I'll tell a tale for you.
Cuz I'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come
true...
Rachel-
Do you even know who you are?
Jade-
Oh, yeah, yeah...
Rachel-
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Jade-
Oh, I wanted to be a star...
Rachel-
Is life good to you or is it bad?
Jade-
I can't tell, I can't tell anymore...
Rachel-
Do you even know what you have?
Jade-
I guess not, oh I guess not...
When they were finished singing, Rachel gave Jade a sympathetic smile, and took a seat right next to her. She picked her feet up, and placed them on her lap.
"I'd ask if you were okay, but I think we both know that you aren't. Sad songs, and seclusion. Not the best combination if you aren't feeling right."
"I'm fine, my stomach is just being stupid. I told Santana not to let anyone come back here, it's really not a big deal."
"She did say you didn't want to ruin anyone's time, but I don't care. You shouldn't be back here alone", said Rachel.
"I'm not. I have so many people back here with me, it's almost ridiculous", said Jade, with a small smile.
"What are you talking about", laughed Rachel.
"Well, weren't you here for the song? Pink was just here, she always makes me feel much better. I also got Tom Delong, Beyonce, Hayley Williams. Even the Phantom Of the Opera is back here with me. Trust me I'm not alone", said Jade, holding her iPod up. Rachel just giggled and shook her head."As long as music exists, I'll never be alone."
"I like it when you say that. I think it's one of those things I've always believed but, never heard out loud. Hearing it from you, well that just makes it even better", said Rachel, as she leaned back.
"What's the matter, Rach? I can tell you're kinda' sad about something."
"It's Quinn. She's aggravating the Hell out of me."
"How?"
"I just...I cannot stand how she won't get the idea of the old me out of her head. I'm not gonna' be a star, I'll never be on Broadway. I don't even want those things anymore."
"Yes you do, Rea Rea. I know you do. She knows it too, that's why she won't let it go."
"You're supposed to be on my side."
"I'm not taking sides, I'm just telling you what I think. Maybe I'm wrong, but I really do believe that you want everything you've always wanted. The only reason I don't push you to try again, is because I know how much you hate that", said Jade.
"Yeah, well so does Quinn, yet she always finds a way to push it into a conversation."
"She loves you."
"She loves, Lima Rachel Berry. Obviously she handle New York Rachel Berry."
"Did you ever think that maybe she's confused about that? To her, Lima Rachel, and New York Rachel are the same person."
"Were. They were the same person. I'm not as special as I thought I was. I'm not special at all, and I'm not sure I ever was."
"Oh Rachel, I wish you could see what I see."
"I wish I could too. The same goes for you, Jade. I wish you knew how amazing you are."
Jade just smiled.
"I mean it. You are the best friend I've ever had. If it hadn't been for you, I don't think me and Quinn would even be together right now."
"Well, I don't know about that. Have you tried talking to her about any of this?"
"Kind of...".
"Rachel...".
"Okay, no I yelled at her, and came back here. But, I really did need to check on you. Santana isn't happy with you at all, so I can only assume you two had a fight."
"Not a fight, no. She just wants me to go to the ER, but I have a check up on Monday. I don't wanna' waste anybody's time."
"You aren't a waste of time, she's worried about you. We all are...especially after finding out about what happened to you." Jade looked away."Do you think...I mean...what if how you're feeling now has something to do with-".
"It doesn't", answered Jade, a little too quickly.
"Jade, did he use protection when-"
"Yes, he does."
"Wait, does? Jade...how often does he hurt you like that?"
"I'm done talking about this now."
"Oh God", said Rachel, her eyes filling up with tears."What the Hell aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing, look just go back out there and relax. I'll stay back here until you guys are ready to go home", said Jade calmly. Rachel wiped a few tears from her eyes, and moved so that she was almost in Jade's lap. She grabbed her lightly by the chin, and turned her face towards her own.
"You can tell me", she whispered, but Jade just shook her head."Come on...you made me talk, you forced me away from my pain. Please...tell me."
"I can't."
"Please", begged Rachel."What could be worse than what I already know?"
"Just go. Go have fun", whispered Jade, tears rolling from her eyes. It took Rachel a minute or two, but eventually she stood from the couch, and headed for the door. She opened it, but turned back towards Jade.
"You're like a sister to me. Seeing you like this...well, to be honest it's killing me. I'm not trying to upset you, I just needed you to hear that."
"I love you, Rach."
"I love you too", answered Rachel, and she walked out of the office, closing the door behind her. She walked over to the table where everyone was sitting, but she didn't sit down. Quinn, who had just finished chugging her drink, put her glass on the table, and looked up at Rachel.
"Can we go", asked Rachel.
"I guess", breathed Quinn.
"What's Jade doing back there", asked Santana.
"Listening to her music. She says she'll just stay back there until everyone is ready to go. I wanna' go now, I need to get the Hell out of here", said Rachel. She noticed one of the shot girls passing by with a tray full of shots. She casually grabbed one, and gulped it down.
"Okay, somebody is trying to drink away her issues", mumbled Quinn. Rachel just shook her head, grabbed her purse, and walked angrily towards the exit.
"Well, San I guess I'll see you at home. Brittany, I'm really happy you're here. Hopefully we will see you for lunch tomorrow", said Quinn, standing up.
"You too Quinn, I'll just get your number from San", said Brittany. Quinn smiled, and hurried through the large group of people.
"You know it's funny...they have no idea how much they really love each other", laughed Brittany.
"Why do you say that", asked Santana.
"They fight like they did back in school. They loved each other than, so nothing's really changed."
"Rachel has...".
"But, she's just going through something, right? She'll go back to being herself."
"Okay, this is probably a bad idea...but I think maybe I should explain a few things to you, Brit", said Santana nervously.
The whole cab ride was silent for Rachel and Quinn, however the minute they set foot inside of Quinn and Santana's apartment, the silence was gone.
"Okay, what the fuck is your problem", Quinn exploded. Her outburst actually startled Rachel a little bit."When I talk about you getting back on the path to your happiness, I'm not doing it to piss you off! I'm doing it because I love you, and I have faith in you!"
"I get that, Quinn! I understand, but what I need you to understand is that you can talk about it all you want! You can tell as many people as you want that my life will be exactly what I planned, but that doesn't change a fucking thing! I am not, who I was, when we were in high school! That should make you happier than ever", yelled Rachel.
"Oh my god", laughed Quinn, as she walked into her bedroom and switched on the light. She knew Rachel was following her, so she kept right on talking."Great! We're back to that! How much of a bitch I was to you at home! I thought we were passed that, Rachel!"
"Yeah? Well I thought we were passed the fact that I am who I am right now, but I guess we were both wrong!"
Quinn's anger suddenly started to turn into sadness. She sat down on her bed, and just looked at at Rachel. There she stood, hoodie, jeans and pair of sneakers. Eye liner running down her face from her tears, holding back her crying. The only thing Quinn recognized was the way she had her arms folded across her chest. The blond plopped down on her bed, and covered her mouth with her hands.
"Quinn", Rachel said in almost a whisper."You're in love with the ghost of me."
"No, Rachel don't say that, please."
"It's the truth. You'll never be okay with me."
"Rachel, I am. I swear to God I will get used to it."
"What if you never do?"
"Oh God...come here...please Rachel...come here", cried Quinn, as she reached for her. Rachel went to her, and straddled herself across her lap. Quinn wrapped her arms around her, and held her as tight as she could."I'm sorry...I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you think that I hate the way you are. I just miss you", she cried.
"I'm right here, Quinn...I'm right here, and you don't see me", cried Rachel, resting her forehead on Quinn."I know you wanna' see something different, but I can't go back...I can't. This is me, and if you don't accept that...than this won't survive. We won't survive." Quinn didn't say anything, she just cried and nodded her head."What magic spell am I gonna' have to cast in order for you to accept me this way?"
"Probably the same one I'll have to cast to make you forgive me for everything I've done to you", cried Quinn. For the next few minutes they just stayed tangled in one another, crying their eyes out. Neither of them could bring themselves to let go of the other. They both felt like if they did, they would be giving up on each other. Finally, after a while Quinn broke the silence, with a question. A question that Rachel Berry knew could be asked, but she wasn't expecting it so soon, and she never thought it would hurt so much.
"Rachel, do you think we belong together?"
The song Rachel and Jade Sang was "Lonely Girl By: Pink. Thank you for reading, and please review :) Love you guys.