Chapter 28!
Title: "Vices and Visitors"
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Note: Longer chapter this time… :D
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"Why are you… and Kakashi… like this?" His words were vague, cautious of any listeners.
…
"What?" My single thought leaked out, but not as loudly as I had said it in my head.
Iruka-sensei glanced at me for a second, obviously a little surprised by my reaction; he suddenly turned away from me… I caught a glimpse of pink reaching his cheeks.
He was pretty shy for an adult.
But he still didn't back down from his question…
"Why are you… involved… with Kakashi like this?" He changed his wording a little… even using a word as weak as 'involved' seemed to take some effort for him to say.
I thought about not answering him for a second… I really didn't want to talk about this with him…. but if I didn't, it wouldn't change the fact that Iruka-sensei knew that Kakashi and I were together 'like this'… and that he was probably on the teetering edge of deciding whether to spill our secret or not.
I had to come up with an answer… an answer that could neatly sum up all of these feelings, but wouldn't traumatize Iruka-sensei.
I had to take a moment.
"…Because my admiration for him as a teacher and as a friend... grew too deep for our previous relationship… "
I had no idea how I managed that… but it seemed so perfect, it really did sum up how my feeings for him started... just saying those words calmed me…
"I see…" He said monotonously.
My calm was destroyed, and replaced with a frenzied embarrassment, when he asked the next question.
"How do you… think of him… as a… lover?" Even though he had a severe difficulty saying those words, ducking his head further away from my direction… I still had a harder time accepting the fact that he had actually said it… and that I was expected to answer.
I gave it a moment of thought…
But I still had no idea what his real question was!...
Did he mean 'as a lover' emotionally, or logically…. Physically?... No!!
My eyes searched the ground frantically, as if I could just come across an answer on the street…
I could see Naruto's feet stomping happily ahead of us.
"Well…. I mean…" He spoke up again, after the silence lasted at least a minute… I was thankful that he didn't wait for me to come up with a weird answer… but also scared for whatever he was going to say… "… How are you two… around each other?" He only rephrased the same question.
But Iruka-sensei's hesitation wasn't as flustered… he sounded like he was getting a little more serious…
The answer to this one was easier to think of… but harder to say…
"It's difficult finding time together…" I started nervously; Iruka-sensei knew too well how hard it was for Kakashi and I to find perfect privacy. "But… we always manage… somehow." I finished contentedly, feeling a sense of pride. It really took a lot to keep this relationship going... but Kakashi-sensei and I were still together.
I didn't get more than a five second break before my heart was beating anxiously again.
"What do you… feel… when your with him?" His voice wavered on the single word.
The way he phrased things was so weird… I couldn't tell what he really meant….
But I definitely couldn't answer this question…
"Iruka-sensei… isn't that a little…" I warned him as politely as I could…
"I know I shouldn't be asking you this, Sakura… but I need to know…" He was suddenly serious. The way he say 'you' had a tone that could be understood in so many ways.
'You', like he felt it was inappropriate to inquire about a young student's love life.
'You', like he never wanted to have a conversation like this with me.
'You', like he should be asking Kakashi-sensei, not me.
This conversation was really too awkward on too many levels… it was obvious that neither of us really wanted to talk about this, especially him…. But he was the one who started the whole thing…
Something was definitely strange about this…
I took in his question… mustering up enough courage and finding the best words I could use to describe the way I felt when I was with him… when he held me… said my name… kissed me.
…
"When I'm with him… nothing else matters… I can't think about anything but him… I feel calm, and safe…"
That was only scratching the surface…. But I hoped that was all Iruka-sensei needed.
He didn't say anything.
I was scared for a second that he didn't believe me…. Or that he thought I was some hormone-drunk teenager… That would be the worst conclusion he could come to...
"Iruka-sensei!... We're here!!" Naruto shouted out… as he ran over to the stand, waving his arm excitedly towards us.
This didn't affect Iruka-sensei's stolid face.
For a moment I actually thought he was done with whatever kind of survey he was giving me… I was about to run up to Naruto and try to forget all of this, but that was before I heard him ask one last question.
"What would you do if I wanted to tell everybody?"
I stopped mid-step.
My heart thudded uncomfortably.
"What?" I turned around to him, looking for any answers in his eyes or expression… but it was too late, he was already smiling fakely at Naruto, walking ahead of me to catch up to him.
My eyes were glued on him.
Did he really mean that?!
Does he really want to…
"Come on, Sakura!"
Naruto woke me up from those thoughts, uncomfortably… I was forced to carry on, pretending to be unaffected by those seriously scary words.
As all three of us sat down and ordered our different bowls of ramen, I couldn't help running that question through my mind.
Is Iruka-sensei really that close to telling everyone?
Did his truthful nature win over?!
But why would he do that to us?!
Doesn't he know what will happen to us if he does this?!
How our lives will change, how we could never be together anymore!
…. But maybe that's his goal....
.............
Naruto slammed down his seventh bowl of ramen onto the countertop noisily, letting out a fulfilled sigh.
"Bwah!... I'm so full!" He announced for everyone in the vicinity to hear.
I was still pushing around the miso pork in the bottom of my first and only bowl.
I had forgotten how much Naruto could eat in such a short time… or maybe I had been eating really slowly.
I tried not to look over to my left, where Iruka-sensei was sitting… I had gone the entire meal without looking at him… trying to prevent any awkward moments, or letting this growing frustration slip out…
"Well, I guess that'll be enough for us then…" I heard Iruka talk over the counter to Ayame-san, just like he normally would.
Why was he so skilled at pretending to be pleasant, but couldn't even have a slightly inappropriate conversation with a student without getting fidgety.
The way he was acting so normally, grimacing comically as he pulled out a hefty sum from his wallet… after making me go through several minutes of tentative fear… it…
…It really pissed me off….
He's caused a lot of stress for Kakashi and I (as we have for him, I guess), but he acted like we deserved the stress… which we might have… but it pissed me off that he acted like we deserved it…. Like we were criminals…
… Which might also be true, in an impending sort of way… but Iruka-sensei had no right to judge us like he was better than us, like he had to supervise our relationship because we were both too puppy-love-drunk to realize what we were doing!
He didn't know about the painstaking hours we've both agonized over this relationship, all the times we've almost fallen apart, all of the obstacles we've passed to get to this point!
And now… today, when I was at a really weak point, seeing Kakashi-sensei so close to death like that… he brings this conversation out, expecting me to just sit here and answer his embarrassing questions the way he wants me to!!
I felt the chopsticks in between my fingers splinter a little.
I wasn't surprised… whenever this sort of anger and frustration built up, I could never just let it go… I had to do something, but I wasn't going to torture the chopsticks anymore.
"Time to go…" Iruka-sensei said calmly, getting up from his stool, Naruto hopped off of his, saying a very loud 'thanks for the meal' back to Teuchi-san.
I followed the two out of the stand, lifting the little curtains out of my face, still feeling really irritable…
I needed to talk to Iruka, and finish that conversation, as soon as possible.
"Hey, Iruka-sensei, do you wanna go for some dango?" Naruto asked excitedly right when I thought he would be saying 'bye'….
"Well… maybe, but I don't know about the money…" Iruka replied kindly.
"I'll pay!" Naruto responded happily.
I definitely couldn't wait till after we had dango.
I had no choice but to act a little impertinent…
"I'm sorry Naruto, but I need to talk with Iruka-sensei about something, alone…." Anybody could hear the anger in my voice. My hand found Iruka-sensei's wrist tightly. He looked down at me like I was crazy… at least I had gotten my point across.
"See you tomorrow, Naruto…" I said with a fake cheerfulness, but it didn't mix well with the frustrated undertone… I probably sounded really weird…
I spun around, stomping away from Naruto, dragging a completely confused and stumbling Iruka-sensei behind me.
"S-scary…." I heard Naruto mutter with surprise, several feet behind me…
That would've annoyed me any other day, but I knew I would be scaring Naruto and Iruka…. And probably the other people in the street who saw me, pulling Iruka-sensei behind me harshly…
I could feel him trying to peel my hand from around his wrist, but he couldn't even nudge a finger… strength training had done something for me…
"Sakura!" He called my name with that nostalgic, stern voice… it almost got to me. "Sakura, people are staring…." He warned a bit louder.
"I don't care…" I said as gruffly as I could. I actually did… I started to turn the corner away from the bustling market street towards a less travelled, darker area.
"If you want to talk to me, just talk!" He suddenly planted his feet, trying to wrench his wrist from my grasp by lifting his arm upward.
The higher his arm went, the harder it was to keep hold, he was too tall.
But in the end, even when his arm was completely raised towards the night sky, I managed to keep the tip of my toes on the ground.
I still hadn't let go of my death grip on his wrist.
His expression was definitely disappointed that his little plan was thwarted... I guess he forgot how much I'd grown.
I smug about this small victory only for a moment… before I heard the murmuring.
I glanced towards the busy street… more than half of the people were staring at Iruka-sensei and me.
It only took a moment to notice that, with his arm raised, and my hand closed around his wrist, we were a lot closer than before.
I was almost eye-level with him, I felt his vest graze against my chest when he breathed in.
He still hadn't notice when I did…
"Iruka-sensei…."I waved my head towards the staring crowd, feeling more than a little uncomfortable.
His eyes met the dozens that were watching us.
He suddenly let out an embarrassed gibberish sound as he frantically lowered his arm, even pushing me away from him a little.
He smiled nervously towards all the people in the street who were starting to look away, less interested.
"Sakura…"He turned back to me, sounding much more serious than before, I didn't look up to his face.
I tried to not to let his obvious anger faze me as I started dragging him towards the empty street.
As soon as we turned the corner, and were completely out of sight from the street, he immediately tugged his wrist from me again.
I let him go before he got any more upset, feeling a little weird about this whole thing… but still pissed.
"What were you thinking, Sakura?!" He started the yelling before I could.
"What are you thinking?!" It was strange, raising my voice at Iruka-sensei… but right now, he wasn't my teacher, or a close friend… he was annoying.
He seemed a little surprised that I yelled at him.
"What are you talking about?!" Now his voice sounded a bit more confused, but just as scary as I remembered. I almost flinched.
"You kept asking me those really weird questions and then you start talking about telling the others about-!"
His hand landed on my mouth suddenly.
"Quiet!" He whispered harshly, peeking over his shoulder, stretching his neck to look at the buildings beyond me.
He was right… we shouldn't be yelling, even if the street looks deserted, we're right next to that main street... there's always windows open or people leaving their houses to go shopping.
I didn't want to calm down, but I knew we had to… or someone might overhear.
His hand slowly fell from my mouth as he was finishing his search.
I pushed his hand away a little harshly, already impatient to finish what I was saying earlier.
"Iruka-sensei!" I whisper-yelled for his attention. He looked back to me. "What are you planning on doing?!" Even if I was talking softly, I knew he could still hear my frustration.
This was the question I was dreading an answer to.... was he relaly planning on telling everyone?....
He looked down at me, his eyes full of his own frustration, confusion, but I noticed something different in his eyes.
I couldn't really recognize it.
"I'm not planning anything!" He said sternly.
"But you said-"
"I had to test your reaction…" He interrupted me.
Test for my reaction?!
What did that even mean!?
Even more questions were created from that, but at least I was able to relax a little… he wasn't planning on anything…
My energy didn't falter for the next question.
"Test for what?!" I looked up at him, still trying to make sense of all this.
"… I had to see what you really felt for him…" He explained a little desperately."… if it could survive…"
My head spun with confusion.
"Survive?!... Survive what?!"
His eyes narrowed a little, he was staring me right in the eye, unabashedly. Almost intensely.
I had never seen this side of Iruka-sensei... he seemed really serious.
I suddenly felt a little nervous for some reason.
But I finally realized what was different about Iruka-sensei's eyes.
He wasn't looking at me like I was one of his precious little students anymore, there wasn't that condescending glint in his eye anymore.
He was looking at me like I was fully capable of understanding his words… as an equal.
"Sakura, you need to listen to me…" I felt his hands land on my shoulders, he really wanted my attention.
I didn't say anything, still feeling that weird anxiety his eyes gave me.
"… Kakashi's been through a lot in his life… he's lost many people to death, distance, and betrayal…" Iruka's voice softened a little.
I remembered thinking about this before… before any of this started, when I saw Kakashi-sensei standing in the memorial field … lilies at his feet.
My nerves calmed a little…
"… it's been a long time since he's been like this with anyone…" His voice grew a little less serious, like he was thinking about some far-off memory for a second.
I listened intently.
"… and for him to take part in such a dangerous relationship so… passionately…" Iruka-sensei sounded like he didn't want to use that word… "He's really serious about you…"
My heart thumped a little strangely…
…
Iruka's grip on my shoulders tightened a little.
"He looks and acts like he's invincible… but I don't know if he can afford to lose anyone again…"
…
I felt those burning feelings of anger and frustration fade away…
...
Is this true?
... It must be....
....
So, this is why Iruka-sensei suddenly started questioning my feelings for Kakashi… he was looking out for his friend… not thinking about betraying him.
… I guess I jumped to conclusions…
But… If Iruka-sensei feels like this… then he probably never plans on telling the others… right?
"So you really won't tell?...." I asked, wanting to confirm my thoughts.
"I wouldn't do that to him… and especially not to you…" he said softly, a small smile appearing.
The frustration and confusion between us had finally faded completely…
"He's my friend… and you're… well, I guess I shouldn't call you my student anymore… but you've always meant a lot to me… it's only natural I wouldn't really ruin your happiness…"
Is it really safe now?
Does he really trust us now?
I would've asked him, but I could tell by the way he had said those words, by his genuine smile… he was telling the truth…
"Thank you…." I said happily after a few seconds.
He smiled down at me, his hands loosening from my shoulders. He turned around, starting to walk towards the market again.
"But I would still appreciate not catching you two acting like that… again…"
He referred to how he saw us at the hospital, and probably how he first saw us at the Main Hall… red rushed to my face.
I didn't want him to catch us like that again, either…
He chuckled a little awkwardly as we turned the corner into the busy street.
The pleasant mood faltered a little when I saw several eyes on us.
I didn't really expect this attention… but I guess it was my fault.
It was strange for a student to pull their teacher into a deserted area so that they could talk alone…I hadn't really been thinking that way at that time, though.
Iruka smiled nervously towards them, rubbing the back of his head, acting just like usual.
Nobody seemed to pay us mind for more than a few seconds, thankfully.
Things got awkward between us really fast…
I wondered what our relationship would've been like if we weren't always thinking about romantic teacher/student relationships when we were around each other.
We probably would've been able to have normal conversations…
"I think it's about time, Sakura…"
I heard Iruka-sensei speak up gently.
"What?" I looked back to him, clueless.
He was looking down at his watch.
"It's 8:06"
. . .
At that I said 'bye' as fast as I could, and ran off into the other direction, leaving an even awkward-er Iruka behind.
Today had definitely been one of the weirdest, scariest, most exhausting days that I've had in a while, but with the thought of what I was running to… none of it mattered.
My feet carried me to the hospital at record speed, I worried that he was wondering where I was.
If I was in his stead, I would definitely be a little put off that he was late...
I hoped he would forgive me.
I barged into the doors, walking right up to the receptionist desk… the same lady was there.
I could tell she recognized me, her eyes narrowed judgingly as I spoke up.
"I'm here to visit Kakashi-san…" I notified her, using the formalities I was expected to use, already taking a few steps towards the brown double-doors.
"Visiting hours are over…" Her cold voice sounded a little vindictive.
"What?" I turned back to her, hoping I had misheard her.
"Come back tomorrow morning at 9:00." She turned her chair away from me dismissively.
"Wait… I was told I could see him at eight." I said a little weakly… another receptionist at the counter looked over at me a little curiously.
"By who?" The stony voice of the first receptionist asked over her shoulder.
I really didn't appreciate her tone towards me.
"By Kakashi-san…" I notified her a little more willfully.
"Then he must've been mistaken… Visiting hours are from 9:00am to 7:30pm" She started filling out some paperwork.
"Are you sur-"
"Of course…"
The other receptionist flinched at the first's severe tone.
That little exchange livened up my recently angered nerves… this lady really didn't like me, she probably saw me as some sort of rule-breaking hooligan… but I really couldn't do anything here unless I wanted to get in trouble…
I debated whether I should be turning around, or making a break for it to those double-doors again.
I didn't have to do either when I heard the second receptionist speak up softly.
"Uh…. Is this you?"
She walked over to me, still behind the counter, holding out a small clipboard. I saw the first receptionist give her a nastly glance.
I took it from her hands, a little confused… I read the title:
"Any Hour Visitors"
Only my name was scribbled messily in one of the several available boxes.
Anybody could recognize that handwriting.
"Yes…" I smiled down at the paper… this was too perfect.
.............
"Kakashi…" I called out, already walking through the doorway.
I felt a little restless, walking into the dark room… the single window letting in the moonlight.
I walked up to his bedside; reaching my hand out, feeling for him… it was a little hard to see him, my eyes hadn't adjusted yet.
A familiar hand closed around my wrist, I almost gasped, but I didn't have enough time to as I was suddenly being tugged downward, another hand curling into my hair.
My lips met his… it felt as if we hadn't kissed like this in forever… but it had actually only been a single day.
Both of his hands found the sides of my face.
I leaned down to him, trying to keep my balance, which was getting increasingly difficult the longer he touched me.
He leaned away after a few more seconds, his head falling onto his pillow tiredly.
"You're late…" He noted, not sounding especially upset… maybe a little perturbed.
His fingers played with my hair.
"You're a bad influence…" I made him chuckle with that… he flinched in pain a little… I guess laughing was out of the question while he was still bandaged like this.
"In a lot of ways…" He agreed, trying to steady his breathing… he was probably referring to our relationship… I would've laughed if I hadn't just had that conversation with Iruka-sensei…
…I still couldn't get what he said out of my head…
My eyes started to adjust to the faint, silver source of light coming from the window.
His unmasked face looked a little pained, but he was still looking up at me with those gentle eyes… I immediately wanted to kiss him again, but I knew better than to push him when he was like this… But he was really too handsome for his own good…
I lifted my hands to his face, brushing my fingers along the side of his temples, down to his jaw line… loving the way he felt, loving the fact that he let me touch him like this, loving how he closed his eyes slowly when I let my hands slide to his bare shoulders.…
My curious fingers trailed downward until they met the corners of his course bandages… his closed eyes cringed a little, but not like he was in pain, like he was thinking about something unpleasant… I was a little worried, anyways…
"Did that hurt?..."
I felt his long fingers find both of my hands.
"Don't worry about these…" His hands inched up to my wrists, holding them gently. He pressed my hands against his chest lightly.
He started to slowly maneuver my hands across his chest… following along the bandages.
"It doesn't hurt when it's you…"
He brushed my fingers down to his lower left ribs where the bandages stopped…
Something about this felt really… I couldn't think of how describe it… but my heart felt like it had to work harder to pump blood through my veins, my stomach felt like it was trying to flutter upwards to my throat… my fingers felt so warm, my wrists were hot under his touch.
He guided my hands up the center of his chest, slowly brushing them over the ridges of his muscles… I felt my balance falter a little… I felt his chest expand with air under my hands, he was breathing harder than before, too.
Then he did something different.
He held one of my hands flat against the left side of his chest… his heartbeat was racing a little… it felt deep and strong… I wanted to listen to it… but that desire was replaced with another when I felt his lips land on the inside of my other palm.
Now I wanted to kiss him even more than before.
I had to take a step closer to the bed as his lips followed up the inside of my wrist… he pulled me close to kiss my arm all the way to the inside of my elbow.
This was a little new… it made me feel a little bit nervous … but I still couldn't think about anything else other than his hand on mine, my hand on his chest, his lips on my skin…
After that, the hand that wasn't pressing mine against his chest, curled around the back of my head, tangling my hair a little with the force as he pulled my face down to his.
He kissed me again… but it wasn't as soft as before… it reminded me more of how we were on the bridge last night…. When he had tried to fit a ten minute kiss into five seconds.
He seemed really impatient about something…
I had expected him to pull away after a few more seconds, after those 'five seconds' were up, but he didn't.
He only pulled me down closer, his lips pressing against mine harder than I had felt for a while.
I wondered if he was feeling the same kind of desperation I had.
I reached my fingers through his hair, finally letting that impatience I had been feeling on and off all day take over.
I couldn't get enough of the way he felt. Just feeling my hands on his skin, in his hair, my lips on his… it didn't feel like it was enough.
I tried to think of some way to feel closer to him.
I thought of one, but I was too embarrassed to do it… but I found motivation when I felt his hand brush mine down his chest a few inches.
I pressed my tongue against his lips… feeling a little weird about it… I had never done this before.
Even though I was the one who started that type of kiss, he took over when his tongue suddenly slipped into my mouth almsot forcefully.
The way he kissed me like that… it was different now… he was moving more.
His hand reached into my hair further.
His fingers pressed mine agianst his chest harder, I felt his heartbeat start slowing reluctantly.
He was running out of air, too.
I couldn't keep doing this… he didn't need this kind of stress right now… not when he had all of those lacerations.
I started slowing the kiss, moving my tongue away from his lips, trying to break away.
He only pulled me back for a few more seconds, despite the fact that his heart was still slowing with lack of air.
This was getting to be too much.
I broke away a little more forcefully, his grip was too weak to hold me to him anymore… we were breathing really hard, but he was the one who had to collapse back onto his pillow, practically panting… he definitely wasn't the condition to be doing these things…
But that didn't stop the corners of his lips lifting into a weak smile, as he finally caught up on oxygen.
"I really am a bad influence…" He raised the hand that was just in my hair a few seconds ago, to his lips.
After a moment I realized he was talking about that type of kiss I had started….
I suddenly felt heat rush to my already hot face, I wanted to say something, but I really didn't want to make that into a big deal…
We were both silent for a while...
He spent a few seconds lying there, looking out the window… his hand still holding mine against his chest, tightly… I wanted him never to let go.
"It's getting late, Sakura…" He said calmly watching the moon rise into the sky a little farther.
My heart dropped a little… "Do you want me to-"
"Do you think you could stay here a while longer?" He interrupted me, looking back to my face.
"Of course…" I agreed, a little enthusiastically, something told me he was expecting that exact answer.
His hand suddenly slid up to my forearm, my hand on his chest felt colder now.
He shifted a little in the bed… it took me way too long, which was only a few seconds, to realize he was making room for me.
He tugged on my arm, pulling me, making me lean over the bed until I had no choice but to climb on.
It felt a little strange, crawling into a bed with shoes on… but I completely forgot that weird thought when I was lying completely on my right side, next to him.
I was a little stiff at first… we had slept in the same bed/futon before… but I was so worried about doing something wrong…
'Something wrong'…
Wasn't this wrong?
"What if-" I was going to ask if one of the doctors or nurses came to check on him.
"It's fine… They shouldn't check on me till midnight." His voice rumbled next to me. He knew how nervous I was.
His battle-roughened hand reached down to mine, pulling it up to his chest.
He laid my arm across his muscles like I wouldn't have if he didn't do it for me… which was probably the case.
"But if they come earlier?"
"I might be wounded… but I'm not completely powerless…" He said a little playfully.
I wondered if that meant he'd use some kind of genjutsu to cover this up.
Just the thought of that was more than weird... but if he was so certain that he could take care of it...
I felt his left arm curl around and under the right side of my head, pulling me closer.
Before I really knew it, my right cheek was laying on his chest... it felt really nice... but it was also a little strange.
After that conversation with Iruka-sensei, I couldn't help thinking about the type of relationship I should be having with Kakashi-sensei... a relationship where I couldn't feel this... one where I would never toucch his chest, let alone rest my head on it like this... one where he was nothing but a 29-year-old teacher and captain to me, and I was nothing but a 16-year-old student and subordinate to him... when this had started, that kind of distant relationship seemed so normal... but now, from this perspective, our previous kind of relationship felt like the abnormal one.
I tried to take my mind off of those things.... but I was still nervous...
I felt really self-conscious if I was too heavy or not.
He must've noticed, "Relax…" He whispered.
I felt his left hand running through my hair, playing with the ends, then running through it again, playing with the ends again… he kept doing that like he was trying to calm me down…. It worked too well.
The feeling of his hand repetitively brushing through my hair like that combined with the slow, steady beat of his heart… I started to feel a little sleepy.
But I definitely couldn't fall asleep like this… I was too busy trying to memorize everything about this moment.
"Today was really scary…" His deep voice tickled my ear a little… but that didn't distract me from those words.
It was always new for me to hear him say those kinds of things… if he was worried, scared, or desperate…
I had always thought that he was a calm and collected person down to the core… but when he said those things… I felt like I could understand him a little better…. But what meant more to me than anything was the fact that he told me those things…
He trusted me…
"It was for me, too…" I shared.
He took a deep, content breath; his chest lifted my face as he inhaled…. I loved the way that felt.
His arm curled around me tighter. I saw him raise his other hand to his head, brushing his fingers through his own hair calmly… like he always did when he was in deep thought.
We didn't say anything after that… we didn't have to.
We knew why we had been scared… we were scared of losing each other…. we knew that we had been desperate to feel each other… to know we were both still here, with each other… it felt a little foolish… but that didn't matter.
Right now all that mattered was his warmth, his breathing, his hands, his chest, his voice… how everything about him made me feel calm and safe.
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