Chapter Eighteen ~ Scars

Reader's prov.

It took a while for Levi to get back to full strength. Levi's attitude was back in full force, and because he was bedridden, he would order me and Hanje about, always complaining to us if his room wasn't clean enough or if he was uncomfortable. Despite having to lie in a bed, he ate like a horse and had started slowly gaining back the weight he had lost, his cheeks no longer hollow and his eyes no longer sunken into his skull, he looked better, healthier. Unfortunately he was bedridden for a week due to the fact that while he was in a comatose state, his muscles had began to waste away. Doctor Jaeger had to recommend that Levi try and slowly build up to being able to continue with daily activities by himself, by performing daily muscle exercises to regain control over his body. However, Levi was a stubborn fool and would push the boundaries and would even go as far as jeopardising his stitches in order to get up and move around.

So much so that, he had asked me to go and get him something to eat and drink and when I returned, I found him lying on the floor. His panting breaths as he tried to heave himself up onto his arms. I dropped the tray I was holding, soup and bread scattering across the floor, seeping into the wood as I rushed to his side. Throwing his arm over my shoulder and hoisting his lighter body up so he could stand.

"What do you think you are doing?" I questioned, frowning at the ravenette. He was unable to speak, his heavy breathing taking up all his effort as he gripped my arms tightly. My eyes softened as I took him in my arms and walked him over to the chair beside his bed. His hand gripped his chest as he fought for oxygen, his eyes wide and frightened as his other hand swiped at the air, trying to find me. I sighed and clasped his hand in mine as I checked him over. Running my spare hand up his calves, his thighs, opening his shirt and checking his chest which was no longer bandaged. I pressed gently on his ribs, earning a wince and a hushed curse. I shook my head and ran my fingers down his arms and finally down his back.

"Well despite your ribs, you haven't hurt yourself even more," I grumbled, my (E/C) eyes meeting his startled steel blue eyes, "What were you trying to do?"

Levi's breathing slowed as he calmed himself down, breathing in through his nose and out of his mouth. He ran his hand through his scruffy hair, his undercut starting to grow out, "I was trying... to get up so I could... take a shower. I feel disgusting," he whispered, closing his eyes as he focused on his breathing.

A small smile caressed my features as I stared up at this impossible man, shaking my head, "So you thought you would endanger your health even more by trying to do it yourself. Why didn't you wait until I got back?" My voice airing my concern as I stroked his knuckles.

His eyes snapped open, glaring at me with hostile eyes, "Because you have done everything for me for the past several weeks. I wanted to do something by myself," he groaned, releasing my hand and rubbing his sore ribs. I sighed, it only seemed natural for a man as independent as Levi, to want to do things by himself. I couldn't stay angry at him for having a justifiable reason to want to do something. I rose up to my full height and took his arm and wrapped it around my shoulder, pulling him to stand.

"What are you doing?" He snapped, trying, half-heartedly, to swat me away.

I smiled at him, kissing his stubbled cheek, "Giving you what you want," I murmured as I walked him out of the door.

He grumbled as passing soldiers snickered and laughed at him. I shot them all cold glares, even grumbling a few insults in their direction as I helped Levi to the shower room. I grumbled under my breath as I sat Levi down on the bench and switched on the water. Honestly, how could the other soldiers be so cruel? Had it been them who had been struck down, well I doubt even Levi would not be that heartless to laugh at them when a comrade was trying to help them out. I stepped out of the room and grabbed two towels, locking the door and folding the towels neatly beside Levi and walked back over to the shower. Luckily his body wash was already in here since I had remembered to put it back after giving him his last sponge bath a few days or so before he woke up. I waited until the water was at the correct temperature, testing it against my skin, before stepping over to Levi. He sat slumped over, rubbing his calf muscles. His eyes cast downward in defeat.

"Hey, there is nothing wrong with asking for help," I murmured, kneeling in front of him and taking his head in my hands.

He turned his nose up as my wet hand stroked his dry skin. His steel blue eyes rose up to meet my concerned eyes, his mouth pulling downward at the corners, "It's embarrassing. Not the asking for help part, but I just need to be able to do things on my own..." he trailed off, his eyes casting back to the ground. I could have sworn I saw his lip quivering slightly. I had never seen this strong man, so weak and helpless. It broke my heart to see him so sad, full of independence yet he couldn't do anything to help himself.

I smiled and placed my lips to his forehead, stroking the back of his head with my hand, "It will come in time. You just need to wait a little longer, then you will be back to your old self," I whispered, resting my forehead against his.

He sighed and nodded once, untucking his night shirt from his trousers and unbuttoning them. His eyes still dull and sorrowful, but at least he was able to give me a small smirk as he leaned on me, stripping himself completely and covering his modesty with a towel. I smiled gently at him, and helped him up, walking him into the shower.

I turned and was about to sit back down when his hand lashed out and grabbed my wrist, "Where do you think you're going brat?" he asked, steadying himself against the wooden railing. I covered my eyes with my hand and turned back to him, "Well I thought you would like to shower by yourself. So I am going to wait for you to finish," I smirked, pointing in the general direction of the wooden bench.

I peaked through my fingers, meeting a pair of smouldering steel blue eyes, "What if I fall?" A smirk pulled up on the corners of his mouth, "No you need to get in here. I need you to help me, not only that but you smell like you haven't showered since you got back."

Uncovering my eyes, I gaped at him, "I will have you know Levi, I have showered near enough every day thank you," I grumbled, crossing my arms angrily over my chest.

Levi smirked and traced little patterns on my wrist with his finger tips, "Hmm... Well I still need your help. Get that glorious arse in here now brat."

I couldn't stay mad at him, not when he was playful like this. So I carefully stripped down to my underwear, watching as his eyes grew wider. He was like an alcoholic grasping for a drink, his eyes wide, his mouth slackened, gaping. However I didn't realise until I glanced down my body that he wasn't admiring my body. He was staring at it in horror. Healing bruises shadowed my skin along my stomach and ribcage. My thighs adorned with finger like bruises, as the memory of the men came into mind. Scars from the knife slashed across my skin and marred it. In all of these weeks worrying about whether Levi would live or not, I had forgotten what those bastards had done to me. I had pushed it so far out of my mind that I didn't see the scars, no longer saw the bruises. Until today.

I shuffled my feet, biting my lip furiously as I tried to cover myself with my hands. A single tear streaking down my cheek as Levi's face twisted in disgust. I couldn't bring myself to speak, I just gathered my clothes and threw them back on. My arms hugging my chest as I stepped back away from Levi, "I'm sorry... I..." I couldn't even form a proper apology as I darted to the door, unlocking it and leaving the room. Levi's yells following me out of the door as I ran.

Levi's Prov.

I sighed gently as I washed the soap out of my hair, the hot, soothing water cascading down my back in rivulets. Washing away all of my worries, all of the grime that these past few weeks had caused, my body slowly feeling stronger. My mind racing as I carefully washed myself, wincing every so often. My ribs aching as I twisted and bent down to wash my legs. My chest felt fine, well, at least it no longer felt like I was being poked with a burning rod straight through the heart. Once I felt I was clean enough, I grasped the razor and shaved my face. I hated any form of facial hair, hated the way it felt against my skin as I got rid of any trace of the crap. Once my face felt fresh and smooth again, I turned the water off and carefully stepped out and grabbed one of the towels. She had been back while I had been showering, a fresh set of clothes laid out on the bench beside me and a small damp note,

Hanje is outside if you need anything. I need to clear my head for a little while.

(F/N)

I sighed. I still couldn't understand why she ran out the way she did. I would have gone after her, but I am already unsteady on my feet. Hell if I tried to run, I would end up killing myself. So I stayed put, hoping whatever caused her to run away would ease. That I would be able to run after her if it were to happen again. I slowly dried myself and then stepped into the clothes that (F/N) had laid out for me, stepping into my shoes and walked over to the door.

Four Eyes stood just outside, her smile tight as she started walking beside me. I was slow, but I felt better. I could actually walk by myself, which in my book was a miracle.

"I am glad to see you are on the mend," she murmured, placing her hand on my shoulder. I grumbled, rolling my shoulder to shake her hand off, "I just showered, please do not cover me in filth."

The brunette chuckled and gazed down at me with fiery eyes, "I am not that filthy," She smiled. I raised an eyebrow at her and shook my head. I just wanted to get back to my room. She lead me back, her gaze ever watchful in case I were to stumble or fall. I grumbled under my breath as I opened my door, chucking my night shirt and bottoms onto the bed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her eyes narrowing as she closed the door behind her.

I groaned and turned to face her, running my hand along my jaw, "Where is she?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing.

Hanje shook her head, her hair whipping from side to side, "I'm sorry but she doesn't want to see anyone right now."

"Well that is too fucking bad. I want to see her so where is she?" I growled, thundering over to her. I winced as I caught my ribs on the back of a chair, cursing as I rested my hand against them, glaring up at the woman.

"I don't know. She wouldn't tell me," she murmured, hanging her head, "But even so, she wants to be alone."

I grabbed her head by her ponytail, bringing her face so her nose was inches from mine, glaring straight into her startled eyes, "No, right now she doesn't need or want to be alone. She just feels like that because..." I paused, closing my eyes, "Oh it doesn't matter, just tell me where she is or I will shove your head so far up a titan's arse that you will never see the light of day again."

The brunette sighed, pushing her glasses up her nose and smiled lightly, "You have it real bad don't you?" She muttered as I let her go. As she straightened out her uniform she told me (F/N)'s location. Explaining how she had ran into her and asked if she could watch over me whilst I finished up with my shower. That she needed some time to think about several things and just wanted to be alone. I sighed, oh my poor brat. What have I done? I thought as I exhaled through my nose.

"Thanks Hanje," I murmured, patting her shoulder before I carefully stepped out of the room. My legs screamed at me as I took to the stairs at the end of the corridor, ascending up to the second floor of the barracks. I knew I was pushing myself too far but I needed to see her. I went without seeing her for three whole weeks, there was no way I was going to waste anymore time not being with her. I turned the corner and walked along a second corridor down to a smaller number of stairs leading up to the roof. Who would have thought that after all this time, her favourite place to sulk would still be the place where we first kissed. Well it was more than a kiss, but that's not the point. I shrugged and rubbed my arms lightly as I, in my haste to find her, had forgotten to bring a jacket up with me.

She sat just in front of me, her arms wrapped around her knees, bringing them to her chest. Her head rested on top of her knees, her eyes red and puffy from crying. Her (H/C) hair whipped around her face in the wind, grey clouds swarmed in the sky, promising the start of a storm. The chilling wind biting at her flushed cheeks, her arms tightening around her knees as she shivered.
I sighed lightly and walked up behind her, carefully lowering myself to sit beside her. She glanced up at me with wide, glistening eyes, tears still streaming down her face. I gazed down at her, running my thumb under her eyes, catching her tears as they fell. I reached into my back pocket and awkwardly pulled out a tissue, holding it out to her. She accepted it and wiped her tears before blowing her nose. She looked so sad and forlorn, it actually hurt to look at her. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close to me, her head resting on my shoulder. She released her legs and banded her arms around my waist, hugging me gently. Her touch gently as if I were made of glass and that I would shatter at any given moment. I rested my cheek against the crown of her head, a sigh escaping through my nose as I pulled her close.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

(F/N) glanced up at me with confused eyes, swiping away her tears as she shifted to look up at my face, "Why are you sorry? I am the one who left you alone. You could have fallen and hurt yourself," she croaked, her voice cracking.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me. I... I just didn't know how bad they were..." I trailed off, my eyes casting down to her hands. Twisting my fingers so hers entwined with mine. Despite my hands being larger, her hands fit so perfectly in them, her body fitting against mine. I wasn't one for sappy shit, and I definitely didn't believe in fate or destiny, but it was as if she was made for me.

"It's not your fault. I completely forgot about them," she stuttered, shivering against the chilling wind.

"If I ever get my hands on that pipsqueak, I will kill him for what he did to you!" I growled as a few drops of rain fell from the sky and a loud clap of thunder rumbled above us. Lightning streaked across the sky, as if the clouds were cracking apart. My emotions voiced by the weather as I stared into her dull, (E/C) hues.

"Well he was hardly a pipsqueak. I mean he managed to break your ribs," she giggled lightly, however her face didn't stay bright for too long as she hugged me closer. Her eyes wide as she replayed what she had just said.

"Maybe so. But he hurt you," I whispered, my eyes trailing up to the stormy sky above as another streak of lightning lit up the sky, "And I will never forgive myself for that."

(F/N) sighed and shifted so I was at arms length, her eyebrows furrowed as she regarded me coldly, "It's not your fault he beat the shit out of me. So don't go blaming yourself," she hissed, her mouth pulling down at the corners as she tried to gauge my reaction.

"It is my fault. I might not have inflicted the pain on you, but I knew that Lovof wouldn't have let me come off without any form of punishment. He went after you to get to me, and he succeeded in hurting you, both physically and mentally. And I will never forgive myself for not protecting you," I explained, closing my eyes and bowing my head.

She sighed deeply, bringing her hand to cradle my cheek, "Stop. Please," she whispered, stroking my skin softly, "It is not your fault. How the hell were you supposed to know Lovof would come after you the way he did. The only way he could have known about you and me is if he had someone watching your every move. It's not your fault I got hurt. I am just sorry that I am not the person I was before all of this."

I frowned and glanced back at her, my eyes narrowing as I tipped her chin with my index finger and thumb, "What are you talking about?" I questioned, stroking the small dimple that appeared under her lip as she took a shaky breath.

"The way you looked at me... It hurt..." she murmured, lowing her head and sniffing loudly.

My mouth popped open as I rested my forehead on her shoulder, shaking my head, my damp hair caressing her delicate skin, "No... oh you silly, silly brat," I moaned, squeezing my eyes shut. The reason she ran from me was suddenly clear, "(F/N), no matter what scars adorn your body, I will always think you are beautiful. I didn't mean to stare or make you feel uncomfortable. I just didn't realise how much they had defiled you," I murmured, kissing her shoulder gently.

She didn't say anything, she just pulled my face up and pulled my lips down to hers. My lips moulding to hers as she melted into my arms. I skated my lips up her face as I kissed away her salty tears. My eyes closed as I traced my fingers up her arms, along her shoulders to cup her cheeks and hold her head still. I needed to make it up to her. I needed to make her feel wanted again.
The rain fell softly around us as I gingerly kissed my way down to her throat, sucking gently at her pulse point until a small mark presented itself, "This is the only bruise I ever want to see on you," I murmured against her skin, unsheathing my teeth as I bit down gently. She gasped, her hands running through my undercut, damn I need to cut it soon, hmm... maybe after this, I thought as I kissed my way back up to her plump lips. I wrapped my right hand around her loose pony tail, twirling her hair around my fingers and tugging gently.

A sigh escaped her lips as I guided her down onto the floor, my lips skating down her neck as I relieved her of her shirt. I awkwardly unbuttoned her shirt with one hand, the other resting behind her head. I traced my tongue along her bruised skin, wanting to make her feel loved and cherished again. "I want every part of you, and nothing will ever change that," I whispered as I raised my head and ran my nose down the length of hers.

A small smile curved on her lips as she kissed me gently, shivering as a gust of the chilling wind hurtled toward us. I sighed, "Maybe we should go inside and continue this," I suggested, her eyes hooded as she grinned.

"Okay," she whispered, buttoning her sodden shirt. I sat up and winced, clutching my aching ribs as I stood on unsteady legs. I lowered my hand and helped (F/N) up, smiling when she wrapped her arms around me and kissed my chest were my new scar sat.

"Come on, your cold and I want to spend all night making you scorching hot!" I smiled one of my rare smiles at her, leaning my forehead against hers as droplets of water fell from my now wet hair. Her smile brightened up the dark, stormy sky, her cheeks flushing scarlet at my filthy comment as I lead her back down from the roof and back to my room. A smile stayed present on my lips until I fell asleep that night, with her wrapped in my loving embrace.