"I know who you are?"
"Do you?"
Their shadows stretched far behind them, clawing across the desert dirt. The sun was nearly set. An orange glow cast across the sky, illuminating their faces. Light hung his head and sighed softly. "I knew you would figure it out sooner or later. What do you propose we do now?"
Their eyes met. L's face flushed and gaze fell to the floor. "I'm not sure."
"Aw, c'mon, Lawli. You always know what to do. Why are you hestitating?"
"Because I don't want it to be true."
They sat in silence. The sun vanished; darkness welcomed the moon. It's pale face smiled down upon the boys. These were the nights they had dreamed of for the past four years. Light offered to start a camp fire, but Lawliet preferred the darkness.
"If I'm Kira, and you're L, does that mean we can't be friends anymore?" Light tried to force a chuckle, except his voice cracked.
"We haven't been friends for a long time."
"I thought about you, Lawli. I always think about you."
"I know."
"Do you?"
"Yes Light," L turned his head to face Light's silhouette. With delicate, hesitant fingers, he traced Light's jaw bone. "I can't any longer, though. I guess this is good-bye."
Suddenly, Light sobbed softly, burying his face in L's palm. "I don't wanna lose you again, Lawli. This is the only place I can see you. This is the only place I can tell you I love you. We're enemies outside, Lawli. And wi-without you, I'm nothin' but a murderer."
Lawliet leaned close to Light's trembling silhouette. His lips lingered near Light's. Light closed the gap; his lips drenched in tears. "I love you, Lawliet" he muttered.
"I love you, too," Lawliet answered. Suddenly, they dissolved into the night. Kira and L were left in their wake.
"So this is why he don't sleep," someone mumbled.
"Not in front of us, at least," a voice responded. Their chatter continued, yaking the night away. The sleeping boy lay stiffly on the bed, his body rigid from exhaustion. Every few minutes a new dream snapped him awake, tormenting him. The connection between himself and his old friend tore at every part of his sanity, driving him into a state which he used to doubt existed. The strange tether that tied them together all those years strengthed and yanked repeatedly. Every moment, he had to stop himself to catch his breath, to expel the abnormal sorrow from his soul.
Yet, it would continuously return, knocking itself into his conscious. The collisions erupting in his head became too overwhelming. Constant back and fourth. Love, hate, sorrow, anger; all passionate feelings which he worked meticulously to subdue. Emotions had not been an issue for a long time, but recently they became his biggest problem. He could barely focus on his mission without feeling a strange sorrow.
After losing his best friend, after everything he had gone through, he thought coping would become easier. But no, the past few days it had gotten much worse. It dampened any hopes, washing away all sense of sanity. He feared he would lose his mind.
"Are you ready to go?" someone asked.
His fingers clutched his pillow. How he wished he could sleep undisturbed! But, he had a job to fulfill. "Yes, I'm ready."
Drums pounded in L's ears as the caravan wove through the desert, following Matt's directions carefully. He already knew Beyond's house's location. It's torn shingles and broken floor boards taunted him with disgusting memories. There was nothing he could do. It would be his word with no proof that the man who lived at that location was Beyond Birthday. But, with Matt's testimony and the evidence against Light, Beyond's house would finally be raided.
L would watch from afar. The thought of seeing Beyond, of him revealing L's secrets, was too much to bear. He had enough to think about already. As they approached the house, the horses' canter slowed to a soft trot. Beyond's fingers were faster than any L had seen before; he could kill them all in twenty seconds with one gun. Surprise was necessary.
The house looked more disheveled than when L left it a year prior. Cracks ran across each window, the porch clouded with dust. It leaned a bit to the left, giving way to the weight it attempted to hold up. All the while, L couldn't keep his eyes from Beyond's room. Suddenly, two crimson eyes gazed down upon him. L gaped, yanking his horses reigns to stop the beast. When he glanced back at the window, he realized his mistake; his mind was playing tricks on him.
"You aw'right?" Sheriff Matsuda asked, his voice barely a whisper.
"Yes," L mumbled, massaging his temples. He suddenly became conscious of his incredible thirst.
Sheriff Yagami rode close behind him, wearing the same stoic face he had on when they'd left L's house. When L tried to fire him from the case, since he was too close to the suspect, Sheriff Yagami proclaimed he wanted to watch Light's safety. A notion of false hope remained in the sheriff. Light Yagami was no longer his loving son; he was just a murderer. His denial was troubling, but L understood. He could barely believe it himself.
The men hoped off their horses, the thuds from their landing smothered by the cakey dirt. Each grabbed the gun from their holster. They approached the front door, silently motioning the steps. L examined the jaded house and suddenly called out, "There are no horses here." The men jumped as his voice ripped apart the silence.
Beyond always kept his horse tied to the front of the house. The water basin was next to the porch, but there was no horse near it. And a horse was necessary to come and go from the house. No horses meant no people.
"There ain't any fresh tracks 'round," Matt scanned the ground. "Probably means they left a few days ago."
"Can you think where they might have gone?"
Matt shrugged, his shaggy hair bounced. "Probably to kill someone. They should be back soon."
"What if we hid our horses and made ourselves at home and waited here for'em?" Matsuda suggested before he took a long swig from his canteen. The sheriffs and deputies immediately agreed with him, claiming it would be a good method. After mulling over the consequences, L decided they were right. Matsuda rounded up the horses and began to search for a place to hide them.
L hoped off his horse and took a step towards the house. His lungs suddenly filled with dread. Anticipation clawed under his skin with each step he took, gouging at his heart and chest. His heart beat in his ear. His fingers trembled as he touched the door knob. The door moaned when he pushed it open. His eyes immediately fell upon the floor.
"See, it wasn't too bad," Beyond snickered.
"I suppose not."
L cradled his conscience, wishing it would stop tormenting him, wishing the house would stop tormenting him. But every corner, every inch, prodded his mid with vile memories and thoughts. He tried desperately to make up for what he'd done. The woman he killed was so young...He didn't even know her name. She was never given a proper funeral, they just cremated her and dumped her ashes in the desert. His sense of justice stemmed from when he was a child, but after his father's murder, he cut himself off from his conscience and forgot all about the law. He buried himself in Beyond's evil to hide from his torment. He left because he wanted to redeem himself. The path he had chosen was neither pure nor good; it was not his destiny.
Standing in the house, remembering the awful events he had forced himself to forget-it was an indescribable feeling. He wanted to rip off every piece of his skin and burn it, cleanse it, free himself from the guilt. But, it continued to eat him away. He became the leader of justice to atone for what he had done, but Light stepped into his dirty, disgusting shoes.
Light. His Light. His best friend. L's knees gave way and he sunk to the floor, still clutching the door handle.
"Jesus, L, you aw'right?" Matt scooped the detective up and pulled him to his feet.
"Yes, sorry," L composed himself immediately, silencing the insanity that clawed at his brain. "Let's look around."
"When we reach Mido's house, you cannot tell him who you are. You are just Light Yagami, a childhood friend," Namikawa instructed.
Light nodded and leaned his chest against his stallion's neck. His body had been aching for a few days. It started when he found it impossible to sleep. His eyelids drooped as the group continued North to Mido's home. Light tried desperately to focus on what would come next, but his mind spun. The last few days made it exceedingly hard for him to figure out the difference between what was important and what wasn't. Namikawa kept a close eye on the three boys, and had grown a liking to Beyond Birthday. They shared the same natural confidence and relied fully on their own composure.
Contradictory to their cool nature, Mello seemed to be losing his grip on his sanity. He would mumble to himself on occasion and his eyes would ignite an unexplainable fiery rage every so often. He rarely seemed concerned with the occurrences surrounding him. Something, or someone (Light assumed Matt), enveloped his thoughts completely. Plus being Beyond's puppet hindered any good mood he had.
Although he hated to admit it, Light understood Mello's pain. He didn't submit to Beyond as Mello did, but the obvious dominance of the murderer put a strain on Light's confidence. He questioned why he relied on a devious, evil, criminal, when he should stray on his own. Many times, he'd had to force himself to remember Beyond's purpose. Although, Light had an odd inkling that he was the one being used, not Beyond.
But, it didn't matter. He was too tired to think at that moment. He lounged across his horse, wishing there was a way he could rest.
"We should camp for the night before we reach Mido," Namikawa suggested.
"Sounds good," Beyond smirked.
So they did. The next day's journey felt twice as long. Light just wanted to go home; to see his father, to kiss his mother. But it was too late for all of that. He was Kira now, and that's all he would ever be. But the thrill of cleansing the world began to suffocate. All that was left was remnants of an idealistic utopia that Light couldn't help but wonder if it was possible.
'Probably not,' he laughed to himself. 'I'm doin' all this for nothin'.'
He pined for Lawliet and comfort constantly. Yet, something in his gut told him Lawliet would now only bring him trouble. The more he tried to drive Lawliet from his memory, the stronger the subconscious Lawliet would grow.
As they trailed across the desert, Light began to wonder where God had disappeared to. He grabbed his canteen from his belt and brought it to his cracking lips. He took a few swigs and place it carefully back. He still felt incredibly thirsty.