Chapter 32!
Title: "Door and Distractions - Pt. 2"
Disclaimer: I won nothing!!
Note: Hope you enjoy!
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I took another hesitant step towards him.
The sound of my foot falling on the wooden floor made his head suddenly whip up in my direction.
"Sakura…." He called out my name, his eyes relaxing, smiling slowly behind his mask.
I forgot some of that worry as I walked over to him.
"Sorry for making you wait so long…" He continued as I reached his bedside.
I didn't say anything…. I couldn't think of anything.
I didn't have to.
Just like earlier this afternoon, his large hand closed around my wrist, pulling me down to sit on the edge of the bed….. but unlike this afternoon, he didn't stop there… we didn't have to watch how close we were now…
He pulled my arm across his chest, passed his shoulder, making me fall forward on top of him.
I was only a little surprised… I was mostly relieved that he could be so forward sometimes, since I felt really self-conscious right now for some reason.
He leaned back against the shelf, his left hand falling between my shoulder blades pulling me against him a little tighter.
His right hand unwrapped its fingers from around my wrist, and intertwined them between mine, his thumb rubbing the side of my hand slowly.
"I needed this…" He took a really deep breath, his chest lifting me a few inches…. I remembered another time when he had said that… I closed my eyes, trying to feel all I could of his warmth.
Even though I came here in a hurry so that I could talk with Kakashi-sensei… I still hadn't said a word since I came into this room… but I really felt like I didn't need to….
He exhaled slowly, his hand brushing along my back, back and forth, back and forth…. I loved the sound of his breathing.
I could fall asleep to that sound, it was so peaceful.
All my worries of that tension I walked in on were gone, I almost completely forgot about that man with the gruff voice.
"I always need this…" I answered truthfully, not really caring how embarrassing that sounded.
He chuckled only one breath… he sounded calmer, too…
I wouldn't have known that he had actually been really stressed about something a few seconds ago.
I loved the fact that after only touching each other for a few seconds, we could find whatever inner peace we couldn't have while we were alone or with others….
After only another second, his hand left my back for a moment before his fingers found my shoulder, sliding to the back of my neck.
I lifted my head, planting my hand on the mattress to push myself up to him, once again thankful that he was more forward than I was.
He kissed me gently… it kind of felt like he was holding back, though.
It ended after only a few seconds.
Our lips separated, but we didn't lean away.
I just took a moment to really let it sink in, for the hundredth time, that this was Kakashi-sensei… it was him… he really just kissed me… these hands that were touching me were his…
Even now it was hard to believe it all…
It was too hard to believe that this man could have felt these feelings for me…
I really needed to know…. When?.... Why?...
I woke up from those thoughts when his hand started to run through my hair… his fingers falling through the strands.
He was looking at me so closely, so warmly… I loved it…. But I couldn't really appreciate it while I had all these questions floating around in my mind.
"I should really get to work…" I said a bit slowly, lifting myself away from him.
We both woke from that calming moment now.
His hands hesitantly left me.
He didn't do anything but look down at me as my fingers found the hem of his T-shirt for the second time today… This time, even though we were alone, it still felt really…risky? …
I tried not to let it get to me… I had to stay focused…
But my mind kept playing tricks on me and looping all my thoughts back to those infamous questions that hadn't left me alone all day.
Why couldn't I just let it all go and accept the fact that Kakashi-sensei had miraculously grown these feelings for me and that there was probably no explanation?!…
I tried to forcefully think about something else…
…
It didn't help…
… once you tell yourself not to think about something, you can't help but run it over in your mind so much more…..
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She was practically glaring down at his chest, her hands barely touching his skin, the green glow speeding up the aging of the platelets, closing up his wounds faster than was humanly possible.
It was an altogether unpleasant feeling, but he didn't really pay attention to his own body right now.
His eyes kept searching her face.
He had seen her use medic-jutsu before, many times, and of course it required precise chakra control and focus, but she looked like she was focusing on something else…
She almost looked a little angry… at herself.
It was probably wrong of him to think she looked cute when she made that face.
Whatever was bothering her was probably important…
Without really planning it, he reached his hand up to her face, he sat up a little so that he could kiss her again, just for a moment. She didn't move an inch, still only her fingertips touched his skin.
He leaned away again, trying to see if her expression had changed at all.
She looked even more troubled… was it because he kissed her? Was it because she was trying to focus on her chakra and he was disturbing her?
Would she get even more upset if he kissed her again?
Or would she stop glaring at herself and relax again?
Now he was curious.
He wondered if she was comfortable enough with him, yet, for a game.
He knew it was a little immature… but today had been such a long, scattered day… they could both use some distraction, even if it meant his wounds would have to wait.
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He kissed me again, just like a few seconds ago, but a little longer this time.
I still tried not to let it affect my work, I tried to keep my muscles completely locked, as well as my focus on my chakra.
His lips moved against mine slowly… I really wanted to kiss him back…. Really…
He broke away… I could finally think straight again.
Just as I thought it was over, his hand quickly wrapped around my back. He was sitting up all the way now, my hands flat on his chest now that we were both sitting up straight… and I had been so careful not to touch him too much, too.
He took a breath before his lips found mine again.
He didn't feel like he was holding back anymore.
He really didn't seem to care that I wasn't kissing him back… like he knew I needed to concentrate, but still wanted to touch me… My heart raced a little…
I really wanted to kiss him back, but if I did I knew I would get lost.
I really had to concentrate.
His hand brushed up and down my spine, the way that always gave me shivers… and I think he knew it.
Why was he doing this?
He knew I really needed to pay attention to my chakra.
But he kept kissing me like this… it was getting really difficult to keep my focus.
Now both of his hands were on my back, pulling me against him with a little force… I had pick my feet off the ground in order to let him pull me even closer…. I wondered for a second why I was helping him distract me.
My hands were getting really hot against his skin… I really liked the way it felt.
This was getting to me…
I started moving my lips too, letting myself give in.
I swore I felt his lips lift up in a smile… and not one of his warm smiles… one of the playful ones that always meant trouble.
I finally understood what he was doing.
He was trying to distract me.
He was doing this on purpose…
I wanted to smile, too, as I felt my competitive nature build up.
My mood all of a sudden got lighter when I thought about the prospect of beating Kakashi-sensei at one of these 'games'… he's only picked them up a couple times before, and I never used to notice it until he had already won…. But now I had the advantage.
I stopped moving my lips, paying a drastic amount of attention back on his wounds, focusing my chakra even more precisely than before…
I'm gonna turn into stone before I let him win… I promised myself.
I felt his fingers suddenly close their grip on the sides of my waist tightly, scooting me even closer to him… his smile on my lips widened.
He must've noticed that I was in on the 'game', too.
I still didn't react… there shouldn't be much he could do when I wasn't kissing him back, which was getting really hard to resist, but I was always a stubborn person.
His lips finally left mine.
Seems like he was giving that up.
I tried not to look a little smug…. I knew I did anyways.
I only saw his face for a moment before he ducked his head down, but his eyes… I knew that expression from the night of the Masquerade, when we were in the secret meeting room, after I had told him that he was the one who had to take my mask off.
He was really enjoying this.
His hands dropped to the small of my back, pulling me, arching my back.
My heart was pounding, like I was in a race, trying to get first place as my opponent was on my heels.
I felt him surpass me in the race as his lips trailed down along the side of my neck, grazing lightly enough to make me flinch…
He held me even closer, his hands tightening around me… I had to scoot my knee between his.
His knees closed around mine, like he was trying to keep me right there.
The space between us was disappearing, the green glow was almost touching me now… I wouldn't be affected, but the closer I got to him, the more I felt like he was winning.
I couldn't act so impassive for too much longer… I may have a competitive edge, but it wasn't completely infallible, especially when I was up against Kakashi-sensei, who was the one who taught me about focusing in the battlefield.
For a moment I felt like victory was useless against this man… he was the one who taught me so much about standing your ground and remaining calm in the battle, he had a stronger stance, more experience, and he surely knew my weak points by now….
Then a strategy came to mind.
A tough one.
One that would take a lot of courage.
But I knew I could do it, since I really wanted to 'win'…. Maybe this confidence was because of Tsunade-sama's gutsy training… who knows…
But I was almost sure it would work.
I just had to wait for the right moment.
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Her hands pressed against his chest hotly.
He swore he could feel her fingers feel across his skin a few centimeters. He wanted her to feel more.
But she had been getting really stubborn.
She wasn't budging.
She was definitely catching onto the nature of this 'battle'.
And she was getting better at it.
Something about that made him a bit happier....
He let his lips graze down her neck again, loving the way her skin felt, she flinched again… but what she did next, he definitely wasn't expecting.
He had expected her to simply stay still until he ran out of ways to make her twitch or flinch, which he would have been completely content with… just feeling her this way was enough for him…
But he definitely wasn't expecting her to 'fight' back.
He felt her hands finally move… he could feel his breathing shake a little as her hands slid up his chest, exploring his muscles slowly. Her fragile-feeling fingers pressing against his skin attentively, following the curves of his chest.
That feeling alone was enough to make him forget about his lips on her neck.
He had been so used to being the one who was touching, he almost forgot what it was like being touched.
He wanted more, but he didn't at the same time.
Not because he felt like he was going to lose the game, but because he felt like he was losing control.
Even if he was distracted, he was still smart enough to figure out that this was her new battle plan…
… When he felt her lips on his neck, he nearly forgot it was a game.
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I kissed the side of his neck… I had only done that once or twice before.
It still felt a little weird being the one to kiss him like this… but when he flinched, I couldn't help but feel smug. I wanted to do more… just to see what I was capable of.
I knew that was a really adventurous thought… but it was really rare to see of bothered Kakashi-sensei... and this was my chance.
I let my lips travel up his neck to the side of his jaw slowly, softly.
Even if this was just to faze him, I still really enjoyed the feeling of his skin… I loved the fact that he was letting me feel him like this.
His breathing was getting a little deeper… I could feel his heart rate increase.
This was definitely working.
But it still wasn't enough to make him give up.
I let my hands slide around his sides, curling my arms around his back. My hands landing on his shoulder blades.
There wasn't any space between us now. He felt really warm right now.
The way he was breathing, the way his hands were holding me back a little desperately…. Was it really possible that I was going to win?
… Of course not…
I lost in only a few seconds.
One of his hands brushed up the side of my arm, trailing across my shoulder to the front of my neck.
He suddenly pulled away from me a little. Then in an instant I felt his lips press against the side of my neck harder and deeper than earlier, his fingers found my zipper… I was already freaking out a little, but I didn't stop him yet.
He pulled it down a few inches, his lips following it closely, kissing my skin.
Every time he did this, letting his lips travelling along my skin like this, it always got to me…. I couldn't control how loud I was breathing now.
My hands under his shirt gripped onto his back a little tightly.
The zipper opened a few more inches till his lips were right on my collarbone.
I heard him chuckle deeply… he paused for a second. He kissed my collarbone for a long time before he moved on, pulling the zipper down even lower, his hand on my back was sliding downward, following the curve of my back, not stopping as he inched even lower… and that was when I lost…. his tongue pressed against my skin as he went lower, grazing downward slowly.
Whenever he did something like that I could barely deal with the way it made me feel… too intense.
I could tell he really wasn't going to stop unless I told him to.
Damn it!
"Ok, you win…" I unwrapped my arms from him, pushing myself back a few inches before my hands flashed to my shirt, already trying to zip it up as he laughed to himself.
I vowed to win next time.
As I was zipping my shirt up, his hand flashed to mine, stopping me.
I looked back to him, a little confused.
"Just a second." He said warmly.
And in a moment, his hand landed on my collarbone, his fingertips brushing along my skin. I loved the way his fingers felt on my skin….
Then I suddenly remembered what was right on my collarbone.
I turned away quickly, zipping up my shirt hurriedly... I could feel heat rush to my face.
"No need to be embarrassed…" He chuckled again at my reaction. "I was the one that put it there…"
"Hey, don't say it like that…" I complained about his condescending tone a little.
I turned back to him just in time to see him smile a real, bright smile just as his eyes found mine.
Being around Kakashi-sensei always felt amazing, but there were moments when I seriously wanted to grabbed onto him and smile like an idiot for a few minutes, just so that I could express the rush of happiness I get when I see him smile so truthfully like that because of me.
I must be doing something right…
I thought happily to myself as I scooted back over to him, about ready to resume my work.
I noticed how much more livelier I felt now… not worried or impatient anymore…
"I'm glad that 'that' cheered you up…" He said quietly as he leaned back against the shelf again, smiling a little too playfully. He had the air of a reigning champion.
"Eh?" I spoke up, confused of how he knew that I had been a little upset.
"You looked really disturbed by something before…" He commented casually, fixing his shirt which had been rumpled from before.... from what I did.
I was a little amazed how fast we could go back to normal after doing something like that… but I couldn't think over that strange relationship quirk while he was probably waiting for me to explain or something.
"Oh… well, that…" I started, and failed to finish.
He looked back to me, a little curious.
I felt obligated to try again.
"I was just wondering…" I lost my words with my confidence… my competitive edge seemed to have left me quickly.
He gave me a look that told me that he'd answer any question I had.
I really had to say this, didn't I?
I couldn't just brush this off… or say it didn't matter…
I took a breath and settled into my seat on the mattress.
"When exactly... did you start to feel…this way… for me?" I cringed as I finished that sentence, closing my eyes childishly.
Even though I was just learning how to keep up with Kakashi-sensei physically… it was always hard for me to talk about these things, I really wasn't the type of person who talked about emotions too easily.
He didn't say anything for a second.
The silence was really torturing.
I felt the need to explain myself… but it didn't really go well.
"I was only wondering because when I looked back on everything I realized that I was the one who confessed, and I kind of just dumped my feelings on you at a really weird moment, and that if you had wanted to turn me down, you probably didn't want to do it at that time because you didn't want to hurt my feelings an-"
"And so you were worried that I had only acted like I had feelings for you because I wanted to spare your own feelings?" He finished my weak explanation better than I could.
"I know it's a stupid question." I spoke up immediately, hoping that he wouldn't be offended if I told him straight away that I didn't take the question seriously… when I kind of did.
"No… it's actually a very important question… it would only be stupid if you were asking me to confirm my feelings now after we've already gotten this far." He explained calmly.
I definitely didn't need any reassurance now… I could tell what he was feeling by the way he simply touched me.
I looked up to him, feeling a little less nervous… but still anxious for an answer.
"Sakura, do you remember the day we camped out by the hot springs?" He started up with a mature tone.
"Of course…" I said a little nostalgically, unsure whether to remember that day with embarrassment or happiness… but that day had been going around in my brain a lot, too.
"Do you remember that I had asked to speak with you, alone, later that day… but we never did?" He asked, his hand reaching out to mine.
I took a second to think back… "Yeah…" I answered after I found the memory.
It was just as we were setting up camp, he called me over to me, using my name… I remembered the shivers I got when he said my name that day, I had no idea that he would be giving me more shivers through very different means in the future… He had said he had something to discuss with me.
"Do you know what I was going to talk to you about?"
My heart stuttered.
Why would he call me out and say he wanted to talk with me?
Why was he bringing it up now?
At that time… was he planning… on telling about...
"No…" I said a little warily.
"Neither do I."
…
He smiled 'innocently'. I just plummeted into a pit of confusion.
The way he started this, he made me think he had been planning on confessing or something.
He spoke up again, a smile in his voice, his hand pulling me closer.
"I really had no idea what I was going to say, but I just wanted a few minutes to talk with you…" He said with a smile, like he was about to laugh at his old self.
He was probably feeling what I felt when I remembered the shivers I got when he had called my name that day.
It took me a moment… but I realized it. This was his way of telling me that he had already liked me by that time.
Even though the thought of Kakashi-sensei dealing with unrequited feelings for his own student had always seemed so strange to me… it was reality.
I couldn't really digest it right now… my attention was stolen by something else.
This overwhelming feeling of relief…
He had felt this way for me even before I noticed him… This all really started with him… I wasn't the one who just dragged him in… he wanted to be with me from the start!
I could feel the wide smile on my face.
Everything that I had been worrying about today… none of it mattered!
"So you were going to call me out alone… just to be alone with me?... Isn't that kind of… irresponsible?" I said lightly, obviously joking.
"I wasn't going to do anything." He laughed. "I just wanted to have a few minutes with the person I couldn't stop thinking about… just to enjoy their company." He explained with an almost teacher-like tone.
My heart felt like it was floating.
"Even if I didn't feel the same at the time?" I asked a semi-serious question, feeling more than a little guilty for not always liking him.
He pulled me even closer, making me lay on his chest like I had several minutes ago.
"Being in love with a student is unforgivable… I was already sure that any sort of future was impossible… I didn't have anything to lose by just being around you."
The way his words made me feel… the way this happiness kept washing over me.
I held his hand tighter.
Even though I felt really guilty for letting him ever think that his feelings for me were 'impossible', I couldn't control this happiness… I was so filled with it.
Now there was only one last question.
"Why?..."
It was really difficult saying this…. Letting him know my insecurities so easily… but if he could tell me about his unrequited feelings, I could share something, too.
"Why someone like me?"
I managed to make a complete sentence.
I looked away from him, waiting for whatever answer he could give me.
"What do you mean?" He asked simply.
…
My mouth almost dropped open.
How could he not know what I was talking about?!
"How could you ever fall for someone like me?" I reiterated, too shocked by his obliviousness to feel embarrassed anymore.
"'Someone like you'?..." He laughed a little. "That's a low way to think of yourself…" He commented shortly.
I didn't say anything.
… He really couldn't see the obvious difference in our leagues?...
He didn't say anything for a few seconds, either.
His hand reached up to the side of my face, his fingers curling around my hair a little.
He let out a deep breath, smiling down at me like I was causing trouble again.
I just waited, trying not to fall back into my confusion.
"It was about two months ago…" He started with a casual voice. My attention was already completely on him. "It was an early spring night and I had been on my way to the tori bridge, just for some peace of mind… and that's when I saw you…You were training… taijutsu, shuriken aim, chakra control… I know it's not out of common-place to see shinobi train at night in the forest… but when I saw you…. Your expression, your determination, your strength, how much you've grown, and how much more you wanted to be… that was when I really noticed what a truly talented, hard-working kunoichi you've become, one who was capable of even greater things than the others imagined…."
He paused, like he was thinking back to that night again.
I couldn't say anything… I could barely think anything.
"… After that, I started to pay more attention to your progress, your performances in missions… Which was the way I should've been as a teacher, but it didn't feel the same way it did when I had trained Sasuke and Naruto… When I started to pay more attention to your talent, I started to pay more attention to you… as a person, as a young woman… I didn't notice till later that I wasn't looking at you like a 'student' anymore… but it was already too late… I was already thinking about you in ways I shouldn't have been…"
He trailed off.
Even though I definitely couldn't find any words to explain this feeling… I couldn't stop myself from kissing him.
I leaned up to him, kissing him like I hadn't in weeks.
He's felt this way for so long… and it was because I couldn't notice him sooner.
He actually wanted me, needed me… loved me.
He really did… it wasn't just my dream…
His hand squeezed mine as he leaned into the kiss a little.
I could never get tired of this feeling… even if we've kissed so many times already, it still was so entirely addicting.
I never thought it was really possible to actually feel yourself fall deeper in love with someone… but if it was true, then I was feeling it right now.
This heavy feeling in my heart, this tingly feeling in my arms, the sudden need to laugh and smile without stopping.
The kiss ended after only a few more seconds.
I leaned down, resting on his chest lightly.
He brought his hand, holding mine, up to his face, brushing my fingers along his cheek.
Even when he let go, I kept my hand there. I let my fingers feel his face a little.
His arms folded around me comfortably.
I felt his lips find my fingertips.
"When do you have to leave?" His lips moved under my touch as he asked the question with a pesky answer.
"A little after 6:30." I answered against his chest, suddenly cursing my parents and their restrictions, which had gotten stricter since the Masquerade.
I was a little surprised as his hands closed around my sides, lifting me off of his chest a little.
His lips found mine and left before I even knew he was going to kiss me.
"Someday you're going to have to tell me your story…" He ordered me lightly.
"We still have a couple minutes." I offered, looking back at the clock… even though we still had those few minutes left, it felt like we had been cheated out of time by the universe somehow…
"I know…" He said warmly before kissing me again. "But you need to concentrate, right?"
His hands brushed along my arms, finding my hands, placing them on his chest again.
"Now, you don't want to distract me…" I mumbled with fake-annoyance, actually grateful that he'd let me treat him... I've been worried about his condition for a while now.
He only laughed warmly, his chest shaking under my hands.
I had to fight back the urge to suddenly kiss him again when he smiled like that.
………
Walking home this time felt so much better than it did earlier today.
I should've been sad that I had to leave him, yet again, before I wanted to (then again, there was never a moment I recalled wanting to leave him), but the time we just spent together was so refreshingly perfect…
…
Kakashi-sensei was already almost all healed up now.
He'll be out of bed by tomorrow morning, and I'll help him train for combat again, and then we have a mission, which should give us some time together, too.
My schedule-reviewing thoughts came to halting stop when I suddenly remembered the next mission.
Asaka…
…Another voice came to mind when I thought of that name now....
...
"Did you want to know more?"
...
Iruka-sensei…
He should still be at the Academy right now…
…
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Phew... that was a lot of writing for today...
Anyways: Thank you again for reading, and thank very much if you have/will review! It really motivates me!
:D