Chapter 36!
Title: "Hiding and Reaching"
Disclaimer: I own nothing!!
Note: oh, god… this one was exhausting… it would've been out sooner, too, but I had SATs this weekend…. And I kept getting distracted (AMV-making)… but I'm back!
… and I'll try to have the next one out really soon, too…
Anyways, hope you guys enjoy.
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……………………………………………………………………
The sun had completely set, the night wind was blowing through the leaves in the tree a little coldly.
The single wooden swing swayed in the breeze, the old rope creaking with the slight movement.
Everything was quiet, dark, and calm.
The few lights inside the building blinked off.
Kakashi hadn't been waiting long.
He could've gone inside…
…but he needed this time to calm down…
…
His mind travelled back to what happened a few minutes ago…
'I just can't stand… secrets…'
…Her face.
…Her eyes.
'Then you're in the wrong relationship'
… The look they gave him…
He really hated this guilt… he hated knowing that she made that expression because of him.
He never wanted to see her eyes that confused or worried again… he wished he could just forget about everything…. That he could forget everything except her, if only for a few seconds of peace…he wished he could fix this… he wanted to go back to her room, crawl into her bed, feel her next to him and under his hands…
… But… he couldn't forget… and at this point… he couldn't be around her.
He really didn't feel… like himself.
He felt so angry, so disconnected… and he couldn't understand why…
…
He couldn't be too close to her right now or his emotions might jeopardize the mission…
But more importantly,… he felt like if he's around her right now, he might say or do something he'd regret even more than he did than what just happened.
Thinking about it, his face still wore the expression he had when he left her balcony.
Pained.
…
The two red doors of the Academy opened with little noise.
A single man walked out, he quickly turned towards the door again, keys in his hand.
Kakashi pushed himself away of the tree without having to take his hands out of his pockets.
He had known Iruka would still be here… he was always here at this time…
Ever since Iruka got his job as a teacher, he was always the one to stay the latest, grading papers, checking attendance reports, preparing lesson plans… he was always the one who loved his job more than the others.
There had been a time when Kakashi almost respected that determined, caring nature Iruka possessed that made him a natural teacher to his students… but right now he couldn't feel respect for the man that had been meddling in his personal affairs far too much recently...
"Iruka…" He called out as he walked closer to the teacher who had just finished locking the doors.
This conversation wasn't going to be easy…
...
………………………………………………………………………………………………..
I was blinded by the sun as we passed a clearing in the forest.
We left so early, and have been under canopy-cover for so long that I almost forgot how bright the sun got later in the day…
The trees seemed to fly passed us as our team sped through the western forest.
We hadn't broken formation in hours, none of us had said anything either...
Naruto was to my right, the prime spot for a fast attacker, Sai was in the back because of his sharp eyes, and Kakashi-sensei was ahead of all of us, leading the way.
…
… I tried not to look at him directly …
…
Every time I did I felt so… scared…
…
I felt my foot almost slip on a moss-covered branch…
I really couldn't think about him right now… especially when sleep-deprivation was blurring my senses.
I hadn't slept well last night…
No matter how much I tried, I kept tossing and turning, unwillingly repeating his words in my mind…
…What he said …
'Then you're in the wrong relationship'
Those words were so heavily engraved in my mind… They've gone through my head so many times that I almost didn't know what they meant anymore…
… then again…. I had never known what they really meant…
When he said that…
… did that mean he… didn't want this relationship anymore?....
… was he saying that he thought I wasn't mature enough for this relationship?
… was he finally tired of all my screw-ups?!
… did he finally get tired of waiting for me to grow up?!
…
Was that his indirect way of… leaving me?
…
… When he left, he was acting so normal… 'normal' in the way that he was acting like he always did before either of us had these feelings.
Acting like he did when all he felt for me was what a teacher should feel for a student… when all he thought of me was what a man should think of a young girl…
… Was that his way of telling me what he wanted our relationship to be?
That he wanted us to go back to the days before we developed these... feelings?
… How could he say something so important in such a vague way?!... He wouldn't, right?!
I tried to convince myself that he was much more of an adult than to end a relationship like ours in such a subtle way…. But I couldn't come up with any different ideas.
I couldn't think of a better understanding of those words.
… Did he really want to… break up with me?...
My heart felt like it was slowly turning into a boulder, sinking down mercilessly, squishing my stomach with its weight… I almost slipped again… I glared towards my feet trying to pay more attention to my balance, but mostly trying to stop my eyes from looking up to him….
...
… Had he actually broken up with me when he said that?...
...
Just the thought was enough to make my throat feel like it was closing up…
I couldn't even begin to describe how much I hoped it wasn't true.
…
But the way he's been acting.
This morning.
He hasn't even looked at me… once.
Every time he had to talk to me at the debriefing meeting, he didn't say my name, or look up at me from the map.
When I went to the meeting I really didn't know what to expect from him… but, to be ignored, avoided, this completely… to be left alone with all of these questions buzzing around me, while the worst possible answer seems to be the most realistic…
…it was torture.
I didn't even care that they didn't tell us anything else about Asaka… I couldn't care about her when my relationship with Kakashi seemed to be evaporating before I could do anything.
Asaka…
… I really hated that name now.
I've heard it, thought it, said it so many times… I was sick of it.
…
I just wanted to forget everything about Asaka… to forget all these secrets… I wished I never knew them… then maybe I wouldn't have this thought-headache right now, maybe he wouldn't have said those things last night, maybe he would've said my name today, or looked at me, maybe even smiled at me.
I felt my insides turn over violently as I looked at the back of his vest for the first time in several minutes….
… God… why did it hurt this much?
Why was I in so much pain when I didn't even know for sure if he was actually tired of me?
I had no idea I could feel such an extreme emotion with so little having happened to me.
It seemed… so childish.
…
I had to stop.
I had to stop now.
This is enough.
I really have to get this out of mind.
… We're on a mission.
One that's very dangerous, one that includes traitors, and skilled fighters.
I couldn't distract myself with thoughts about my personal life.
…
I tried focusing on my surroundings… tried to drown everything else out.
… but of course… I've already learned that the more you tell yourself not to think about something, the more it resurfaces in every single thought you have.
But I was successfully distracted when I noticed something different.
The plants.
They were older, covered in more moss than before.
We were reaching the foothills of the mountain, which meant we were closing in on enemy grounds.
I wasn't the only one who noticed.
Sai sped up a few paces.
"Kakashi-san…" He called to the silver-haired man I had barely managed to push from my mind for only a second.
"I know…" He responded professionally, raising his arm in the air a little, slowing down.
Hearing his voice after only hearing it in my memories for hours was a little strange.
We all followed his lead, and eventually came to a complete halt on the ground.
"The enemy's base is near… this'll be our only opportunity to review our mission without having to worry about scouts or spies. After this, things will get more serious."
"Ok!" Naruto spoke up with an excited tone.
Sai nodded at Kakashi. And I dipped my head towards the ground a little, still staring at the dirt.
It was better not to look at him… especially when, if I did, I'd only worry about why he wasn't looking at me.
I tried to push those things from my mind again.
"From here on out, we only say what's necessary, and if we have to talk about the mission, we discuss it quietly. Also, it would be best that we slow our pace down, and keep an eye on our surroundings."
"Right." Naruto agreed.
"Yes, sir." Sai responded as if he was still in ANBU.
… I didn't want to say anything, I nodded again.
"Do any of you have any questions?" Kakashi's voice asked with his professional tone.
… I wished I did.
"If not, then let's not waste any time."
With that we all started running again, but we weren't jumping from branch to branch anymore.
We kept our previous formation.
I stared straight ahead at our path.
…………….
We finally hit the clearing at the mountainside.
The trees' shade was gone and the wind was no longer hindered by trunks… it was easier to breath.
Breaking through the tree-line like that was a little refreshing, but nerve-racking as well.
This was the place. The enemy was supposed to be here somewhere.
I definitely wasn't in the state to fight…
…But we didn't have to…
Nobody was around.
I couldn't sense anybody.
And even though my detection skills had recently been criticized, I wasn't completely incompetent about these things.
My thoughts grazed over that subject quickly.
I focused on the rundown hut dozens of feet away from us.
We had been told about an abandoned logger's cabin that the perpetrators had adopted as their flimsy hideout.
… but no one was here.
Why were we here if the enemy wasn't?
"Hey, Kakashi…" I heard Naruto start whining. "Why isn't anybody here?"
He asked the question of the moment.
"I don't know. But we should take this opportunity." Kakashi's voice was still so cold and professional, even towards Naruto.
This mission was definitely different to him… even if he tried to act like it was like all the others.
…
We all followed him as he walked over to the rundown house.
I paid even more attention to my surroundings to distract myself.
I checked the trees around us, the mountainside ahead of us… this place was really abandoned wasn't it?
"Geez, come on!" Naruto's patience had worn thin within the last few seconds.
He immediately started galloping over to chipped wooden door of the little cabin.
"Naruto!" Kakashi called out, as he suddenly caught up with Naruto in only a split second.
His speed was always amazing.
He managed to grab onto the back of Naruto's collar before the orange-clad pork fighter was able to reach the door.
"What is it?!" Naruto asked up defiantly, not appreciating being pulled back so abruptly that he choked a little.
"Pay more attention. Did you really think they would leave this place that open?" Kakashi lectured harshly. "Take a look at the door a second longer."
"Huh?" Naruto looked back to the door as he was told, no longer fussing over his collar.
Sai and I reached them by the time Naruto shouted over what he found.
"Seals!"
Kakashi heaved an annoyed sigh as he walked up to the door.
I hadn't noticed them at first either.
Two seals set up along the top of the door, plastered onto the wood of the door and the jam.
I squinted my eyes to get a better look… they were the explosive kind… but they were type that activated only after being ripped or cut.
If anyone opened that door, the entire hut would've been destroyed, not to mention the door-opener.
Kakashi reached up to the door carefully.
I held my breath a little…
He placed two new seal slips on top of the explosives.
They were the neutralizing type.
"Ok, now you can open the door, Naruto…" Kakashi offered the door to Naruto with a fake politeness.
Naruto only grumbled to himself with a pouty face as he pushed open the door, ripping the deactivated seals.
Kakashi-sensei definitely wasn't his usual self right now.
He wouldn't have handled this so seriously if he was.
…….....………
"What does this mean, Kakashi-san?" Sai asked curiously as we left the hut without any injuries, and without any answers.
We didn't find anything.
No traps, no clues, nothing.
The enemies didn't leave anything behind.
The place only had a single wooden table, a couple of broken chairs, pieces of cloths and curtains left on the floor.
The place didn't look like it had been lived in at all.
I couldn't imagine anybody wanting to live in it.
"It means that they've either changed location temporarily… or they're expecting us to come looking for them here." Kakashi deduced quickly.
Thinking about it… they wouldn't have left those explosive seals if they were completely done with this location.
"But weren't we called here because of recent activity?" Sai brought up the very purpose of this mission.
Kakashi-sensei looked over his shoulder for a second, towards the trees.
It looked like he heard something…
He looked away a second later.
I guess it was nothing.
"That was reported a few days ago… anything could've changed from then."
All four of us stopped in the middle of the clearing.
He turned towards us completely.
Even though I could only see a single eye… which was enough to speed up my heart rate for a few seconds, even though I was used to seeing his entire face… it was obvious that he was concentrating on something deeply.
"The only thing we can do now is wait. We'll need to stay the night."
Stay the night?
"What?!" Naruto definitely wasn't happy with that unentertaining idea, while I was just trying to figure out if it was a good or bad thing that I was going to be around Kakashi for so long.
"Naruto, calm down." Kakashi ordered harshly.
Naruto followed the order, not because he always followed orders… but because even he could pick up on how Kakashi wasn't up for any jokes right now.
Everybody went silent for a moment.
Naruto looked over at Kakashi with a plain 'you're-acting-weird' look.
Kakashi-sensei didn't seem to care.
"Naruto, Sai. You two go west until you find a suitable place to stay the night, but it has to be at a reasonable distance from this clearing. We're going to have to have one of us patrol the area at all times tonight, but we can't be separated too far."
"Patrol, why?" Naruto asked, a little calmer.
"The enemy can return at any moment. And when they do, we need to know right away. Now that we've broken into their old hideout, they'll know immediately that we're here as soon as they see that door… it's one of the greatest disadvantages when an enemy knows you're here when you don't know where they are."
Kakashi always came up with plans so quickly.
"Oh…" Naruto seemed a little stumped by the logic, but he acted like he figured it out. "So we go west, right?"
Kakashi only nodded briskly.
"Ok!" And Naruto was off, already running into the forest like his job was anything exciting.
Sai was about to turn on his heel to go after Naruto, until Kakashi spoke up again.
I didn't look at him.
"Sai, make sure he doesn't get himself into any trouble." His voice seemed a little better for a second.
"Of course." Sai reassured with his usual smile.
"Sakura and I will go check the perimeter for any traces of the enemy. Maybe we can find the usual route they use to get here." I jumped when he said the first word of that sentence.
Hearing him say my name.
… It didn't sound right when he said it with that voice.
But, it was the first time I had heard him say it today… my heart thumped a little too eagerly.
"Ok." Sai bowed a little and then immediately turned around into a run, Naruto was probably already a mile away.
I watched as Sai disappeared into the trees.
As soon as he left I felt it.
Tension.
I didn't know if I was the only one who felt it.
I still didn't look over to him.
…
We were alone.
…
Why did my stomach turn at that thought?
Why did I not want to be alone with him?
Why was I grimacing towards the ground actually hoping he wasn't looking at me?
… I was so scared.
Scared he was going to say something I didn't want to hear.
That he'd answer these questions that had been buzzing through my mind with the answer I really didn't want to hear.
'You can't handle this relationship at your age.'
'I can't be with a child like you.'
'You need to grow up.'
All those horrible things I was once afraid he thought about me…
Somewhere along the line I forgot that fear… but now it was back and it was eating at me greedily.
I wouldn't be surprised if he did say one of those things right now…
This whole thing was my fault.
If only I hadn't had gone looking into his past. If only I had just left it alone. If only I…
… I stopped myself at that…
There's no use in 'if only's… I'm here now, I've done what I've done… and I have to face the fact that what I've done wasn't something Kakashi-sensei could forgive easily.
I probably deserved whatever he was going to say to me now.
I turned towards him a little, feeling like I had just spent several minutes thinking about all this, when it had only been several seconds.
"Come on, we can't waste time."
…
His voice hadn't changed.
It was the same one he used with Naruto and Sai…
By the time I looked up at him, he had already turned around. He was already making his way into the forest.
… That was it?
… He wasn't going to say something else?
...
… Why does that bother me?
I thought I didn't want him to say anything.
But right now, it bothers me more that he was still acting like nothing was completely strange between us, even though we were alone.
As he started to disappear from my sight I immediately picked up my feet, breaking into a run to catch up with him.
… Why was I the only one doing the chasing?
He really isn't disturbed by what our relationship is going through right now?
…................……..
I slowed my pace as I accidentally got closer to him.
I really didn't feel like I should walk next to him.
I had been walking a few feet behind him for a while now.
We had been travelling through the forest for several minutes … in complete silence…
He hadn't asked me why I wouldn't walk by his side.
He hadn't even looked over his shoulder.
He seemed completely unaffected.
Like I wasn't here.
Why did he even split up our group like this if he didn't plan on saying anything to me?!
Doesn't he know how awkward this is?!
Doesn't he know what I must be feeling!?
Why would he do this?!
I felt like pulling at my hair, or suddenly yelling in frustration, or punching something… but that's what I used to do when I was younger, when I was even more immature.
That was how I acted around Naruto.
But with Kakashi-sensei… I definitely couldn't act like a kid when I wanted to.
But he was being so confusing!
What is he thinking!?
He got mad at me!
He said those things!
And now he's acting like nothing ever happened between us when I need him the most!
Why is he doing this to me?!
I glared into his back for a second.
My frustration gave way to a different emotion as I felt my heart wrench a little.
…
Even though he was avoiding me…. Neglecting this relationship…
Why did I still feel this urge to reach out?
... and yet... he was so far away… it felt like that even if I reached out to him… I wouldn't be able to hold onto him for long.
That he'd only step further out of reach.
... Was he always this far away?...
…
It was so strange.
Was this normal?
Was it normal for a relationship to be in so much trouble after only a few words and some negligence?
Or we were always this weak?
….
…
This is so…
…
...ridiculous!
Everything!
Why am I the only one who's so upset about this?!
Why isn't he at least a little bothered?!
Why isn't he paying attention to me?!
Why isn't he looking at me, saying my name, touching me!?
…
… I felt my frustration grow incredibly.
I had to stop thinking about these things.
I had to say something!
All these overwhelming, repetitive worries were driving me insane!
I was so sick of everything!
The only way to get passed all of this was to actually talk!
…
Even if it hurts…
… I need to know what he thinks of me.
…
"Kakashi-sensei…" My confidence seemed to slide right off of me when I heard my voice say his name, but I ignored my anxiety as I asked my question.
"… What's happening to us?"
…
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
…Sai disappeared from sight.
Everything went silent.
Kakashi shot a glance to the pink-haired girl standing only a few feet away from him for the hundredth time today.
He wondered for a spare moment whether she knew just how many times he couldn't keep himself from glancing her way…
She was grimacing towards her feet… so obviously upset, obviously nervous…. He could even see something like fear on her face.
Sakura…
He wanted to say her name.
He wanted to run his hands through her hair.
He wanted to hold her against him.
He couldn't stand seeing that expression on her face.
And it was so much more worse when he knew that he was the reason she was feeling whatever she was feeling that made her look so torn apart.
… but he couldn't let it affect him.
He had to remain completely objective.
He had to disregard any emotions right now.
… if he just let himself do what he wanted, if he broke any more rules than he already has, he was going to jeopardize everyone's safety.
The enemy they were up against now was infamous for playing with her prey's emotions… and using them for her advantage…
…he knew that too well…
… "Come on, we can't waste time."
He didn't look back as he turned away from her.
…………...........
She was still only walking behind him, her footsteps making the faintest sound.
She hadn't said a thing all day.
She only nodded, looked down to the ground, or in any direction that wasn't his.
…
He wanted to tell her she didn't have to stay so far away from him.
He wanted to tell her that he wanted her next to him…
… but there wasn't a professional reason why she had to walk beside him.
It was actually more efficient for her to stay behind him, to give the envorment a second glance for enemy traces…
...
He still wanted to turn around… just to make sure she wasn't making that face.
But he wouldn't let himself.
…
He wondered what she was thinking about.
… last night…?
A lot had happened last night… they had said a lot in so few words.
But somebody else's words went through his mind when he thought back to that night.
'… it never does any good to hide things.'
Kakashi had always believed that there are some things that would be best unknown to some…
… if Sakura had never known about Asaka…
Would that make things better or worse?
If she hadn't had found out… would he be treating her like this?
… or would he have let his emotions take over?
Would he be holding her right now?
Kissing her?
… which was better?
Paying attention to this mission, even if that meant he had to ignore her… or to risk their safety if it meant she wouldn't have to wear that expression.
Things were getting so confusing…
Once again he wished he could forget everything…. Everything except for her.
With that feeling, his mind travelled to a conversation that he had last night…
……………..
The two red doors of the Academy opened with little noise.
A single man walked out, he turned towards the door again, keys in his hand.
"Iruka…" He called out as he walked closer to the teacher who had just finished locking the doors.
This conversation wasn't going to be easy…
…
"Kakashi-san…" Iruka responded without having to turn around.
Something about Iruka seemed a little too prepared… like he knew he was going to have this conversation.
If that was the case, Kakashi didn't want to waste any time on useless formalities.
"What did you tell her?" He asked with an intentionally serious voice.
Iruka only sighed lightly as he turned towards the street, not even glancing at Kakashi as he walked away, the keys jingling as they were stuffed into his pocket.
"Did she tell you about yesterday on her own?… Or did you pressure it out of her?" Iruka ignored Kakashi's question with a question.
Kakashi followed him to the street…. Not answering…
Another sigh left Iruka as he stopped walking, taking the silence as an answer and turning around to face Kakashi.
The sidewalk was empty. No one really came to this part of Konoha at night, the main traffic was in the residential and market area.
Iruka's words were one of the few noises that interrupted the street's dark silence.
"I only told her what a young woman, who's just trying to keep up with an increasingly dangerous relationship, deserved to know…" He summarized smoothly.
Kakashi wondered if Iruka had prepared that response beforehand for a moment.
But he couldn't focus on that as his temper was suddenly tested by the following words.
"… It was something you really should've told her yourself… Instead she had to hear it from another man." Iruka finished with a mature tone, turning around to walk down the sidewalk again.
Iruka seemed strangely confident in this conversation…
Kakashi picked up his pace to keep up.
Those words irritated him more than a little… it sounded like Iruka was trying to tell him how to handle this relationship…
"You didn't have the right to tell her about my past, Iruka." Kakashi pointed out with a hard voice.
Their footsteps were in synch.
"Maybe not, but she did have a right to know…"He paused as he looked over to Kakashi, who was having an increasingly harder time controlling his temper… "… She can handle this, Kakashi… "
… Now he was talking to him about Sakura like he didn't know her.
"I wouldn't have started this relationship if I thought she couldn't handle herself… but this isn't the same." Kakashi's voice grew a little calmer, he was still trying to ignore this growing irritation.
"Even if it isn't the same… She's not a little girl anymore… and it's troubling that I have to be the one to remind you of that."
… Iruka was really pushing the boundaries of this conversation.
"You don't need to remind me of anything about Sakura… I know she isn't the young girl we both knew as a student, but she isn't a woman yet, either." Kakashi retorted even more harshly than before, definitely not appreciating the subject.
"I know that." Iruka responded shortly, emphasizing the first word.
The emphasis on that single word set off a trigger in Kakashi's mind.
"Then remember that the next time you invite her for a late-night talk in an empty school building."
The sound of footsteps ceased immediately when Iruka stopped in his tracks.
Kakashi's comment must've hit him.
"What do you mean by that?" Iruka asked as he turned over to Kakashi again.
"Since you know she's still just a young woman, don't treat her as if she's an adult…" Kakashi added.
The way Iruka's gotten closer to Sakura… even going as far as talking to her about her love life under such risky circumstances… Kakashi felt like he had to stop this from getting any more suspicious.
Iruka only gripped onto his suitcase a little tightly for a second.
"'Treat her as if she's an adult?'...."
Iruka repeated those words to himself like he was thinking back… as if he had to check if he had been treating her like a woman or a girl.
Kakashi was a little troubld that he had to look back like that…
But then something flashed across the 26-year-old's face.
Realization.
Kakashi wondered, only for a second, whether Iruka had just now caught onto what he was trying to say or something.
It wouldn't surprise him… Iruka was well-known for his naïve nature.
"Could it be… you're jealous?"
Iruka asked that question with the most innocent face, coupled with a teasing voice. Just like a young boy who was actually curious, but was waiting for the answer with mischievous anticipation.
Kakashi couldn't quite react…
That definitely wasn't what he expected.
He had expected Iruka to shrink back, probably blush a little and deny that anything happened while apologizing profusely… but he didn't do any of that.
Iruka was definitely more complex than Kakashi thought...
"Jealousy has nothing to do with this…" Kakashi spoke up a little roughly.
…
Iruka smiled a little, not losing that young-boy-mischief.
What exactly was he thinking of?
"Why did you bring it up?" Iruka asked quietly as he started walking again.
Kakashi gave an irritated sigh.
"Because if anyone saw you two, suspicions would rise… and we don't need any more trouble from you…" He offered the very logical side of the conversation, hoping that Iruka would take a little sting from the last part of the sentence.
"That's it?" Iruka was unaffected and as 'innocent' as ever. "… You weren't upset over anything other than that?" He pushed the subject even further, not caring to hide it.
"A single conversation is nothing to be jealous over…"
Kakashi answered very seriously, looking dead-ahead.
…
"Hmm…." Iruka hummed thoughtfully to himself.
What the hell was he thinking about now?
Kakashi was about to speak up and ask his original question again, and move on from this awkward subject… but was interrupted by the most unsettling thing Iruka could've said.
"… Well, what if it wasn't just a conversation?"
Kakashi immediately looked over at Iruka… who was still looking down at the sidewalk, innocent-faced.
What the hell kind of question was that?
What is he expecting from me?
…
Iruka looked over to Kakashi, who looked away quick enough that their eyes didn't meet.
"Her hair smells just like strawberries, doesn't it?" Iruka shared with a friendly tone out of nowhere, lifting his head up.
Kakashi felt a little pang of irritation.
He didn't want to think about how Iruka knew that...
He closed his eyes in a faint scowl.
"It's really soft, too…" Iruka added, using that bad-joke voice that seemed to double up as his playful-small-talk voice.
Kakashi really knew, too well, how soft her hair was.
He felt more than a bit of agitation when he thought about Iruka touching her hair.
His eyebrow twitched.
He could almost feel Iruka's grading stare on his face.
… Iruka seemed determined to get a reaction.
…
"Her hugs are really warm, too…"
... that struck a chord.
Kakashi's jaw clenched a little tensely.
When did they hug?
...
"And her arms feel really slender-"
"Enough." Kakashi immediately shot a glare at his colleague, who at the moment was busy laughing with a smug look on his face.
Kakashi had to fight back the urge to punch his friend in the face.
Iruka started talking before his laughing died out.
"See!?... If you could only be this honest with her!…" Iruka lectured Kakashi, who was about a few second away from actually punching him, but thoughts about punching disppeared after the next sentence. "Instead of hiding things, and only scolding her when she goes looking for answers…"
"How'd you-?" Kakashi was confused only for a moment about how Iruka knew that Kakashi hadn't responded kindly to finding out about Sakura's investigation into his past.
Iruka only chuckled again…
He had just guessed.
…
"She should've just asked me…" Kakashi said quietly as the excitement from the previous moment died out completely.
Suddenly this had turned into a serious conversation between two equals…
"… You wouldn't have answered her…" Iruka responded just as seriously.
…
It was true…. He probably would've just brushed her question aside… and she would've gone to Iruka for answers anyways.
…
Kakashi let out a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair tiredly.
"I don't know a lot about relationships, Kakashi… especially relationships like the one you two are going through… but I do know that it never does any good to hide things."
…………………….
Hiding things…
Throughout his life, he had always hid things… even if it was just his face, his feelings, his past… he had never learned what it was like to have somebody know everything about him.
…
And he had never known anyone that didn't hide things from him.
Others have hid so much from him: the truth about his father, the truth about their feelings, the truth about how important he really was to them…
The one person he had ever thought he could tell everything to had been one of the few people in his life he should have never trusted…
…Sato…
He was woken from those thoughts when he heard a familiar voice speak up a little shakily.
"Kakashi-sensei…."
Her voice. He had missed it.
"… What's happening to us?" Her words stopped him from walking any further.
He could barely stand the way those four words made him feel...
……………………..................................………………………………………………………………………………
He stopped in his tracks as soon as I finished my shaky question.
I immediately felt like I did something wrong…
But I didn't really care.
… I really needed an answer…
No matter how short, or how painful, it was… I needed it.
I heard him take a breath…
I braced myself for his words.
"Sakura… this isn't the time or place to be talking about those things…"
Eh?
"Right now we both need to pay attention to our jobs, and not our personal lives."
…
He just stood there as he finished his sentence with his familiar lecturing voice…
I couldn't think of anything to say.
…
He made it sound like I wanted to stop everything and childishly demand a 2-hour talk!
He was treating me like a kid… treating me like I was that bossy, overdramatic thirteen-year-old I was when we first met.
All I wanted was a few minutes!
A few words!
…
…but…
…
Why did it feel like I was thirteen again when he said that?
...
Was it because he felt so far away?
Was it because he was treating me like I was thirteen?
Was it because I really was as mature as a thirteen-year-old?
… He probably thought so.
But I'm not thirteen anymore!!
I knew we had our jobs! I knew what we had to do! I just wanted something!
Anything!
Anything I could hold onto, to think over… something that was better than what he left me with last night!
"Kakashi…" I called his name again, forgetting the suffix and remembering my confidence.
How could he do this to me?!
How could he just expect me to drop this?!
"I really just need an answer!" I nearly shouted.
He quickly turned his head to his right.
I could see his masked silhouette, but I couldn't see what his expression was.
…
"Be quiet." He ordered me shortly.
…
"What?!…" I couldn't control that response.
I knew he was in charge, and could order me to shut up whenever he wanted me to, but right now wasn't the time to be using his ordering rights… not when I had worked up so much courage just to talk to him!
"Ka-!"I was about to call his name again.
"I need to listen." He cut me off as he turned to me completely, his voice a little more urgent.
My stomach suddenly jumped when I realized he wasn't just trying to shut me up… he actually needed to listen...
What did he hear?
In a flash of a moment I saw his eyes shift sharply over to the trees to the right, his hand threw a kunai as fast as his eyes found whatever they were looking for.
My eyes followed it, I still couldn't see where it went.
But before I could hear it hit anything I suddenly heard something.
Wind.
The next thing I saw was the little metal kunai spinning uncontrollably towards us. I felt a familiar hand push against my stomach roughly. I fell to the ground and barely inches away from the kunai's path.
It planted into a tree a few feet away, sending splinters shooting in all directions.
I covered my eyes, trying to lift myself off the ground.
I sat up on the ground, still recovering from having the air forced out of me.
I held back from coughing, I really needed to see what was going on…
"I could never top your speed, Hatake."
That voice.
Smooth, playful, mature, a woman's.
…
I snatched my hands away from my face as I looked for the owner of that voice.
"Sato…" Kakashi's voice… it sounded so raw with anger. I had never heard it like that. Even through his mask I could see how scary his expression was.
"Aw, don't act like I'm such a plague." My eyes finally landed on the woman who was talking so playfully. But I couldn't focus on anything but her words. "That's no way to greet your old captain."
…
Captain?
………………………………………………………………………………….