Chapter 37!
Title: "Voices and Vexes"
Disclaimer: I own nothing!!
Note:… I am SO sorry for the looooong wait!....
I hope none of you lost interest!!
…
I've been dealing with a lot at school and drama rehearsals after school…. Anyways, I had planned on having this chapter out MANY days ago, but I never had enough time!
And I was always too tired to write when I did have time!
DX
So please don't think that I'm suddenly losing my conviction for this fic or something… I'm still quite addicted to writing it!
Once again, Please forgive the lateness, and enjoy!
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…. Captain?
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… Sato?
...
As I sat up, wiping my face of the splinters that had recently showered over me, my eyes finally landed on the intruder who had just interrupted us violently.
A long, red swaying jacket caught my eyes before I look at her face.
…
She was tall, with long straight, raven hair that draped passed her shoulders.
Even though she looked like she was in her early thirties… she was really beautiful. Too beautiful.
I almost missed her next words as my brain was still adjusting.
"It's strange seeing you again so soon, Hatake." She spoke smoothly, casually.
… She said his last name again.
It sounded so strange for somebody to call Kakashi-sensei by his last name… he always made a point to have everyone call him by his first name… almost as if he didn't like being called by his surname.
I staggered to my feet, trying not to take my eyes off of this woman… I didn't know who she was or what she wanted… but I wasn't stupid enough to think that she was completely unrelated to the enemies we had been waiting for.
As I found my footing the woman continued talking…
"All these years of only hearing rumors about you, and now I see you twice in the same week…"
Something definitely wasn't right.
I glanced over to Kakashi-sensei, I wished I hadn't.
He was glaring at this woman with so much hatred.
So much… hurt?
…
The weight of realization almost pushed me back to the ground.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
He couldn't look away from her face.
He wished he could.
He wished he could move.
But he couldn't think of what he could do.
…
He wanted to do something, anything that could erase her from his sight.
He had never wanted to see her again.
But now as she was standing there, her voice stabbing at his ears, he was frozen by her face, her voice, her body and all the memories they brought back to him, all the memories that he had tried to forget…
"All these years of only hearing rumors about you, and now I see you twice in the same week…"
Her tone unchanged by the years… still haughty and demanding…
Even the way she would only call him by his last name…
He hated it.
He hated everything about this woman even more intensely than he once loved-
Her voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Talking about rumors, I heard you were the one who killed Zabuza of the Mist… I was a little disappointed when I heard that, he was a good kid."
He couldn't stand listening to that voice.
……………………………………………………………………………………………
This is her…
… the woman that…
…
… Asaka.
I couldn't think straight.
This was all happening too fast.
I knew she was related to this mission, I knew seeing her like this would happen, but she came out of nowhere, she was somebody who had only been idea, a thought-form in my mind for the past several days, but she was right here, right now, in person, and was already acting like she had every right to talk to him so casually.
Like they were still old friends or something.
Or something.
I couldn't wrap my head around any of this.
How could this happen so suddenly?!
Her words finally made sense after a few seconds.
'Zabuza'…
My mind flashed to my first serious mission as a Genin.
She was talking about the first shinobi that had ever made me quiver in fear as if he was an old pet of hers.
…. Kakashi-sensei's voice spoke up as soon as she finished her sentence.
"What do you want?"
His voice.
He said every word clearly and slowly, like he was trying to keep himself from saying anything else.
She only shifted on the spot comfortably, flicking her hair out of her face.
"Just trying to talk…." She responded as if there wasn't this thick, smothering tension in the air.
"You didn't come here and attack Konoha forces 'just to talk'." He talked a little faster. His voice had a sharp edge to it that didn't even seem to faze her.
She even smiled a little. She was even more beautiful now.
Her grin was full of playful malice.
"So serious… " She commented shortly, she turned to her side, her heeled boots crushing the crisping leaves under her feet as she took a few steps towards the recently shredded tree. "…What did all those years do to my kouhai?" her voice was high with mock-concern, she kept her eyes on the tree, looking at it appraisingly.
I could see Kakashi-sensei shift a little in the corner of my eye.
His fists clenched, his jaw tightened.
… He was really having trouble with this…
I wanted to do something…
I wanted to say something.
To stop whatever this conversation was going to turn into, what it was going to do to Kakashi…. But…
I was frozen to the spot.
I felt like I wasn't actually there.
They were both so… focused… on each other.
I felt like I was only a spectator in this, that despite my recent relationship with the silver-haired man who was still glaring at this tall, elegant, mature-looking woman, I was still only a kid trying to grasp onto a conversation between two adults.
…
Her voice started talking again,
"Or are you only trying to act like a serious leader in front of your cute little team member?"
Her indigo eyes flashed to me just as her hand reached up to the splintered bark of the tree next to her.
After only a moment of eye contact with her I needed to look away, but I couldn't.
I was still frozen.
Something rushed in between me and her before I could realize that she had picked out the kunai that had been imbedded in that tree. She was pointing it towards me.
I felt Kakashi-sensei's left hand land on my left arm, he was pulling me behind him.
"Leave her out of this!" I couldn't imagine the expression he was wearing when he said those words with such a scary voice.
"Protective, aren't we?" Asaka's voice graded condescendingly.
Kakashi only pushed me behind him further.
I wanted to see his face. I wanted to know what he was thinking. What he was going through. I wanted to help.
He took a step backward, and closer to me.
Asaka was completely out of sight now, I didn't know whether I wanted to peek around his side to keep my eyes on her, or if it was best not to see her.
But something else caught my attention as I was trying to decide just what exactly I wanted to see of this conversation.
He waved his gloved hand at me with a single, slow flick.
…
He was telling me to run.
…
He wanted me to leave.
…
I immediately woke up from whatever paralysis this situation had put me in.
I couldn't leave him here!… I couldn't just abandon him!
…
But if I stayed here, then I was only going to cause more trouble for him, wasn't I?
Her sickly-sweet voice interrupted my thoughts again.
"Well, if you're not going to talk to me while she's still here, then I'll have to get rid of her…"
In a flash I saw a blur of red peek out from in front of Kakashi, I could only hear the clanking of colliding metal.
Everything happened so fast.
She had aimed that kunai at me, but he hit it away with the metal plate on his glove.
It was now only a few feet away, stabbing into the ground.
… I hadn't been able to keep up with all that until it was already over…
If he wasn't here… I would've…
I immediately understood why he didn't want me here.
… Their level was something beyond what I was capable of right now.
… I was only going to get killed if I stayed…
…
… I was too weak.
Like I've always been.
"… Well done…" She sounded as if she was grading his behavior, like a captain… like a teacher.
She had already said that she couldn't top his speed, she should've known that he was going to stop her.
With her next words, I suddenly realized that she hadn't been praising his speed… but something else.
"… Seems like you've finally moved on, Hatake."
…
… 'Moved on'?….
…
"… I'd recognize that look in your eyes anywhere; a man in love."
…
…My thoughts froze.
……………………………………………………………………………………………….
He couldn't think straight.
She knew.
After only seeing so little. After doing so little. She already knew.
It was his fault.
He couldn't control his emotions.
Because of him, she saw through them.
The one thing he had to hide from everyone… the one thing he had to hide from her….
Their secret.
… She might not have known that Sakura was his student… or that their relationship was forbidden… she didn't need to.
The power this woman got from knowing her enemy's emotions, loved ones, hated ones… this woman was capable of hideous things when it came to playing with the emotions of her prey.
…
… And in that moment she had more power than she had ever before.
More power over him than he had ever wanted her to have again.
And she knew that. Too well.
…
Her eyes, her smile.
He remembered that dangerous expression.
… She was interested.
Intrigued.
She wasn't going to drop this subject if she could help it.
Her eyes flashed over to the pink-haired girl peeking out from behind him.
He really wished he could've hidden her from this.
… but it was too late for that now.
………………………………………………………………………………………….
Her eyes found mine, they travelled across my face…. I quickly looked away.
I felt that the more I looked at her, the closer she got, and I really didn't want her anywhere near me… anywhere near him.
I didn't really realize it when I reached my hand up to his arm, my fingers grabbing onto his navy-blue sleeve weakly… it must've been some sort of habit.
I felt a little better… for the fraction of a second before she started talking again.
"She's really young… too young…" She graded me, sounding displeased.
My mouth went dry.
…
I couldn't say anything.
I looked up to him.
I had expected him to do something. To say something.
But what could he say?
… She was right.
… There wasn't any way to defend ourselves against that.
I immediately felt his hand close around my arm. He pulled me farther behind him again.
It was like he was trying to protect me from her words.
I wished he really could've.
"She looks clueless, Hatake." She said casually, like she was helpfully informing him that something he bought was broken or chipped. "She's probably never been with a man before-"
"Sato." He almost shouted at her.
I couldn't pay attention to how his tone would've made me jump when my brain was already trying to get over what she just said.
Why would she say something like that?
How could she know something like that?
"Hatake…" She responded after a moment, her voice was a little deeper, she was mocking his tone. I almost felt like saying something before her words stumped me again. "Have your tastes changed since we were together?"
…
'Tastes'?
…
"Don't talk about things you couldn't understand." His harsh voice found my ears again.
I wondered how he could've recovered from that troubling question so soon to respond like that. I was still trying to wash it out of my mind.
"You're not that hard to figure out, Hatake… and I already know so much about you…" I heard her take a few more steps towards us. Kakashi-sensei pushed me back a little farther. He was still trying to protect me from this.
I had to do something.
I had to say something.
"I know much more than your little under-aged, pink-haired girlfriend does."
That pushed me over an edge I didn't know I was so close to.
My fists clenched tightly, my teeth ground together before I opened my mouth.
"What th-!"
"Sakura."
His voice cut me off harshly.
I looked up at him, about ready to argue back, to tell him that I couldn't just stand by anymore and let him protect, like he always has… but his face.
The way he looked down at me…
He really didn't want me getting involved with this.
And when he gave me that expression, I suddenly felt like I didn't want to get involved either.
He turned away from me, looking back to the woman in the red jacket slowly.
…
"That's enough." I felt Kakashi-sensei's hand tighten around my arm a little. I saw his other hand reach into his kunai satchel.
My stomach squirmed horribly at the thought of him starting something.
I found myself begging him with my thoughts not to turn this into a battle.
Even though what she said was really disturbing. I still didn't want him to get hurt over this.
I just wanted us to leave, go find Naruto and Sai, and fight as a team.
Like we always have.
I didn't want this to be any different.
…
I didn't want him to feel like he had to fight this woman by himself.
I didn't want him to get hurt.
Again.
"I can tell now that you two haven't been in this 'relationship' for long…. You probably haven't even reached that part of the relationship yet…. It's really quite cute…."
… My brain scrambled at the inflection of that middle sentence.
I was overcome with a really thick feeling of… immaturity.
…. I was starting to feel really weird.
"But this is definitely not what I expected from you, Hatake. …I know you…" Her voice made me sick when she said those three words. "You must be aching for some real attention by now."
…
My heart thudded uncomfortably in my chest.
…
"Stop it." He spoke up again, his hand in his satchel tightened around the handle of a kunai.
I suddenly felt really aware of how hot his hand was on my arm. My fingers twitched a little loosely on his sleeve.
My thoughts fell apart when I tried thinking about what she said.
I couldn't seem to gather any of them up again as I was suddenly torn between focusing on her words, her meanings, or his actions.
I was only a spectator again.
I really couldn't feel any conviction to say or do anything.
But her words weren't over yet.
"Don't you remember our time together?" She started to take a few steps toward us. Toward him. He backed me farther away behind him."What you said, what I taught you, the things we di-"
"Shut up." He stopped her from finishing that sickening sentence with his frightening voice.
Her laughter was like a chime of small, high-pitched notes that hurt my ears.
"No need to be a scornful ex, Hatake… I was only trying to make a point." She explained her horrible words casually.
I felt Kakashi-sensei's hand closed around my arm even tighter, but it didn't seem like he noticed it.
She was getting to him.
"There's nothing you could say that isn't a waste of air and time." He retorted.
"I doubt that." She countered.
The energy between these two.
It was so overwhelming.
The emotions, the hatred, the malice, the hurt… just by standing here listening to them I could practically feel those emotions crawling over my skin with a sickly sensation.
I wondered if at least he could feel my discomfort, my anxiety, my confusion.
"I've had enough."
His voice snapped me back to reality.
I barely realized it when he was suddenly facing me, both his hands landing on my shoulders pushing me backward a little.
Were we leaving?
"You never used to say that." Her words seemed to actually hit him.
His eyes opened a little widely before narrowing into that hateful expression he had been wearing ever since she appeared what seemed an eternity ago….
He looked away from me, over his shoulder.
I reached up to his arms, trying to get his attention.
I didn't want him to look at her any longer.
I just wanted to go.
But something interrupted this moment from going in any direction I had wanted it to, or thought it would.
A deep rumbling in the ground interrupted the silence. The earth was shaking roughly, loud gnawing sounds of tree roots breaking and snapping added to the noise. I nearly lost my balance before it stopped altogether.
I looked up from the ground, my eyes immediately finding Kakashi-sensei, searching for any form of an answer.
He was looking passed me, towards the western forest as if he was looking for something.
"You better get back to the others, right?" Asaka spoke up with a mocking tone, like she was giving advice to children.
He immediately whipped his head back to her.
I felt like pulling him back to me, but I was still frozen for answers.
"If you did anything-" He practically growled over his shoulder, his hands closing a little too tightly on my shoulders. She interrupted him with that same haughty, arrogant tone.
"Don't worry, this just got interesting… I'll make sure that this lasts as long as I can make it…"
And in a blur, the red seemed to vanish in an instant.
…
She was gone.
…
Just as easily as she had slithered in and shaken my mind and heart, she was gone.
…
I found some sense of relief from the fact that her voice wasn't here anymore.
… but her words still survived in my thoughts.
…
My mind's respite didn't last long before I remembered reality.
That rumbling.
Kakashi-sensei was already ahead of me, running into the forest, his hand still closed tightly around my arm.
I wanted to say something. But there was nothing I could say.
Right now wasn't about that woman anymore.
Half of our team was somewhere, and in danger.
I would have to suppress everything that just happened, everything I just heard, everything I just felt, until we knew what exactly was going on…
… Even then, I was still scared of the expression Kakashi-sensei was wearing.
I wondered if he was having troubling getting over what just happened, too.
My hand tightened on his sleeve, but his hot hand was still just as unmovable as stone.
…………
"Kage bunshin no jutsu!"
We had only been running in silence for a minute or two till I heard that unmistakable voice shouting those words I've heard so many times in the past.
I didn't have time to even think about changing my course when I suddenly felt Kakashi-sensei's hand drag me behind him as he took a sharp right, towards Naruto's voice.
Something was so different about him right now.
I was almost afraid that he was going to stay like this from now on.
Cold.
"Don't just run away!"Naruto's pugnacious voice shouted out, still loud and clear over the rustling of leaves and rush of wind around us.
Branches scratched at my face and arms as we were reaching the tree-line.
We broke through the edge of the forest with barely any resistance, running right into a large clearing that was riddled with large, gaping holes in the ground. The holes were all so deep, and scattered around randomly, as if some sort of meteor shower had rained down in the past few minutes.
I was still busy looking at all the damage done to the landscape when I heard Kakashi-sensei speak up, but not to me.
"What happened here?" He asked seriously.
"While Naruto and I were looking for a potential camping sight we were ambushed." Sai answered with a slightly weary voice, breathing a little hard. "The earth-user and a few others started attacking."
"Where's Naruto now?"
"The enemies disappeared only a few minutes ago. He went off looking for them." Sai explained further, straightening out his posture dutifully.
"That idiot." I heard Kakashi-sensei say in a quiet, stressed voice.
That struck a small nerve with me.
I almost wanted to say something, but I was suddenly distracted by Sai.
His eyes weren't scanning the nearby forest walls like Kakashi-sensei's were, but were focused intently on something right in front of him.
My arm suddenly felt even hotter under Kakashi's touch now that Sai was staring at his hand.
We really don't need this right now!
I lifted my other hand to his gloved one, my fingers trying to gently slip between his and ease his grip.
As soon as my fingers started pulling on his he suddenly turned over to me like I had called him or something completely forgetting Naruto.
He noticed only a second later.
His hand snatched away from my arm harshly.
I felt my heartbeat pulse through my, now cold, arm.
He had been holding onto me tighter than I thought.
"I'll go search for him. Sai, you two go find a suitable resting spot." Kakashi was already halfway towards the trees when Sai spoke up.
"But with the enemy's location still unknow-" Kakashi cut him off a little hurriedly.
"They won't bother us again for a while, besides, they'll be expecting us to move either east or north, staying west should throw them off for a little while."
"… Alright." Sai agreed to Kakashi's plan as the silver-haired man disappeared into the trees.
I almost wanted to go after him.
To stay with him.
I didn't want him to go off alone, left with his thoughts… I had no idea what kind of man he was going to be the next time I see him.
He changed so much in the course of one day. What could another do to him?
Fighting against my instincts I slowly picked up my feet to follow Sai as he started to walk past me, towards the forest.
……………….
"This should be a good spot." Sai announced calmly as we reached a small area free of foliage but surrounded by trees.
I nodded in response quietly.
My mind was still focused on other things than laying out the camping materials.
"Sakura…"
I barely noticed until Sai called my name and I was forced to look away from my hands that the sun was already lowering to the tips of the trees.
Today had gone by with such a scattered pace, sometimes unbearably slow, and other times, too fast for me to even think.
"May I ask what exactly happened while you were alone with Kakashi-san?"
His voice asked that question with such a polite tone, I had to recheck my listening ability just to make sure he had actually asked me that.
Had it been Naruto, it would've been easier to lie… but Sai.
… He knew something.
I had no idea what it was, but he had figured something out.
I found my voice for the first time since I was cut off by Kakashi-sensei.
"Why do you ask?"
I responded politely, forcing myself to look back to my hands even though I really wanted to see Sai's face. Maybe his expression might tell me something… if he wasn't just smiling like he always was.
"He seemed rather disturbed by something." I heard his calm voice explain his curiosity.
"I didn't notice anything." I lied horribly.
I tried to keep my eyes on the bag in my hands, pulling out the thick fabric of my blanket.
"Really?... he's been acting strangely all day." Sai politely poked at my weak lie with that too-true remark.
I almost felt like I was being interrogated, until the tension was suddenly lost when a familiar voice barged in.
"You guys think so, too?!"
I heard Naruto's voice crash into our conversation a little loudly.
My heart stuttered a little nervously as I looked over to the yellow-haired boy walking out from the trees, expecting his silver-haired teacher to be following not too far behind.
But my eyes only found the orange-clad ninja, who was walking over to me and Sai with his usual, confident, stride... alone.
"Where's Kakashi-san?"
Sai asked my question for me.
"He said he'd start the patrolling cycle now." Naruto explained lazily as he threw down his bag, and landed on it at the same time, not even bothering to take his blanket out.
My heart dropped with disappointment… but at the same time I felt like I could breathe easier, too.
I couldn't explain this weird relief I felt over not seeing him right now… it was even harder to understand this gnawing feeling that I needed to see him.
............
The sun sunk behind the tips of the trees, casting shadow on our little resting site, just as all three of us settled into our spots.
Sai sat back on his bag, flipping through the Icha Icha novel he had borrowed from Kakashi-sensei a couple days ago. Naruto was busy eating some of his improvised rations that he brought with him, chips, probably still grumbling over being told not to light a fire to boil some water for his instant ramen since it would give our position away as soon as any smoke formed.
And I... just sat there.
…
It seemed so strange.
Just sitting here.
Watching the sun disappear.
…
But, it was what we had to do. Wait.
That was our job until the enemies showed themselves again.
I shuddered at the thought of ever seeing that woman again. My fist tightened a little, too.
I swore to myself that if I ever saw her again, she wasn't going to be laughing at me after I... I couldn't finish that thought....
Even if I saw her again... I'll still be no match.
...
Once again I felt so restless, sitting here with nothing to do, when there seemed to be so much I needed to fix.
After so much happening today, I felt like sitting here, pretending none of it happened, pretending that I wasn't actually thinking about that man every other second, seemed like I was betraying something.
I couldn't do this anymore.
I couldn't just sit at the sidelines of my own life, watching, waiting for something to happen, waiting for him to do something, waiting for someone else to fix my life.
I planted my hands on the grass harshly, pushing myself up from the ground quickly, feeling a long-lost sense of conviction that I had needed this entire day.
I barely noticed that Sai had stood up at the exact same moment I did until I heard him speak up.
"I guess I'll go and relieve Kakashi-san."
I hesitated for a moment.
What was I planning on doing again?
… Wasn't I planning on going to go see him?
… How would I do that now?
I can't wait for him to come here, he'd only use Naruto as an excuse to act 'professional'.
I grumbled mentally at the thought of having to confront Kakashi-sensei while he was still acting like that.
I took a step towards the forest...
I couldn't stop now.
I had finally worked up soem sort of miracle-courage to go confront him. I had to go through with it.
I was only a few feet away from the treeline when I was interrupted.
"Where are ya goin', Sakura-chan?" Naruto called after me. "Gotta go pee or something?"
My fist landed on the top of his head with a pleasing thud sound.
I whipped around again, and stomped off towards my original direction, actually feeling a little better for a moment, but the squirming in my stomach started churning again when I thought about what I was actually doing.... and what was ahead of me.
"Even I know not to ask a girl something like that." I heard Sai's voice grow fainter as I walked away from the camping site.
"Eh?! I just wanted to know where she was going!" Naruto still sounded like he was right next to me.
I would've smirked at his whining voice during a normal day.
But right now I couldn't muster any sort of lightness.
Not while I was thinking about him.
...
I could still hear Naruto bicker with Sai for a few exchanges, but I was too far away, physically and mentally, to really hear what they were saying, but I did notice when I heard Sai leave the camp site, too, running ahead of me... for Kakashi.
...
After only a few moments, my thoughts inevitably fell back into old circles… circles of worry, confusion, and frustration over how much worry and confusion I was going through.
That was why I was here. Why I was going to go see him.
I needed to… sort things out.
… Despite this frustration… I still felt nervous.
… what exactly was going to happen when I see him again?
… who exactly will he be?
… The man I loved? Or the cold, professional, outer-shell of him?
I grimaced at the fact that that question even came to my mind, but my pace didn't falter.
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AUTHOR's NOTE:... Sorry for the bad cut-off place… but there's gonna be a lot happening in the next chapter, so I wanted to cut it off at a spot where you'll get all the excitement, all together, in the next chapter (which I'll try to have out sooner than this one, of course)…. But that's not why I'm putting this note here.
…
This note was to notify everyone that I'll be making a KakaSaku AMV.
… :D ...
It'll be my first Naruto AMV, but I hope you guys like it... It won't necessarily be based off of 'Growing Pangs' (since the scenes in the anime wouldn't match up, and I'm pretty sure no one has made any fan art of this) I'll try to put in some 'Growing Pangs' references, but it'll mostly be an AMV for KakaSaku in general, that way all KakaSaku-lovers can enjoy it! :D
It's already under construction, and hopefully it'll out before the November is over with, but I've put so much effort and work into this fic that I think I should put the same amount of dedication into this video... so it might take a while... but yeah, I just thought to give a heads up for any of you 'Growing Pangs' readers...
Oh, and if you wanted to see my AMV-capabilties, you can find me on Youtube under the same username 'TheEdgyBubble'... but please keep in mind that this AMV will probably be in a completely new, brighter style that what I usually do...
...
Thank you all for reading this far, and for all the support and reviews!!!!....
If it wasn't for you guys, this story would not be what it is today.... and hopefully you can take that as a compliment, lol.
^_^