Chapter 38!
Title: "Needs and Nuisances"
Disclaimer: I own nothing!!
Note:… Out early because I wanted to make up for the lateness of the previous chapter, as well as the fact that I simply couldn't stop writing this one… one of my favorites to write so far….
XD
Hope you enjoy!
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Walking through the forest, slower than I had planned, I kept thinking over what I was doing.
Trying to prepare myself.
I'm going to go confront him.
Demand answers.
… and prove that I'm completely capable of handling this… situation.
...
I sighed at my itinerary.
...
How did things ever get like this?
My mind flashed back to what had happened this afternoon.
It felt like it happened days ago, that conversation… if that's what you can call it…
I rubbed my forearm for a second, feeling the memory of his hand holding my arm hotly.
…
… All he did was try to keep me out of it.
…
Something about that really bothered me.
I knew this was his personal past. I knew that he didn't want me to know too much about this part of his past.
And I understood why.
But…
The way he was hiding it, 'protecting' me from it… it was like he thought I couldn't handle it. That I'd only get hurt, or scared, or confused.
Of course I was still really disturbed by what Asaka said, but it doesn't change anything between me and Kakashi-sensei, right? …
…
Even though I tried to believe that… I still couldn't feel like it was true.
He was so… distant… now
… now?...
No… he's been drifting farther away from me for a while…
…
Or was he always this far away?…
Maybe this was just the first time I've realized it.
Were all those moments when I thought I had actually managed to get closer to him, fake?
… That thought hurt a little too much.
…
Maybe they weren't fake… I know we have gotten so much closer than before… I know that, compared to our previous, almost non-existent, relationship, we've grown a lot closer… But I could feel it. A sort of distance between us that we haven't conquered… one that I don't think we could if we tried:
He's an adult.
A teacher.
A man.
I'm a teenager.
A student.
A girl.
… We were never supposed to feel like this for each other.
… We were never supposed to touch or kiss.
If I called out to him, he was never supposed to listen… but at this point… would he hear me anymore?
This was the most basic barrier between us, the one that society put on us… or maybe the one we put in between each other without meaning to.
But whether we wanted it or not, he's always been unreachable, hasn't he?
He's always been in a different world.
From the start.
I could never touch him… I could never touch his heart like he has mine.
…
This distance.
…
It's my fault.
He can't come near me because of me, because of my age, because of my immaturity.
Because he thinks I can't handle this.
…
But I can.
As long as I love him.
I can handle it…
As long as he loves me.
I can handle anything for him…
…
I need to prove that to him.
Somehow…
My pace slowed even further. I was too lost in thought to pay attention to how sluggish my feet were moving or how my fists were clenched a little too tightly.
… I still felt so powerless…. So childish.
So immature.
This relationship was growing and changing, but I could barely keep up as it is.
He's just waiting for me to learn how reach him… but I can't figure out how.
…
With that feeling, my mind unwillingly thought back through Asaka's words… a single phrase struck a chord that was still sore.
…
"I can tell now that you two haven't been in this 'relationship' for long…. You probably haven't even reached that part of the relationship yet…. "
…
I tried to scrub my mind of it…. I tried to forget how easy she made 'that' sound…
…. But my mind was only terrorized with something she said that was even worse.
"….This is definitely not what I expected from you, Hatake. …I know you…"
…
"You must be aching for some real attention by now."
…
I cringed towards my even slower-paced feet.
Those words.
… They wouldn't have meant anything to me if they hadn't been so true.
I wouldn't feel this... childish... if I hadn't been wondering since before Asaka said anything… whether he was, as a man,… impatient.
My cringe deepened into a grimace.
…
I've been really selfish, haven't I?
…
A twig snapped.
I immediately looked up from my feet, paying more attention to my surroundings again.
My foot faltered a little, the leaf under my sandal crunched slowly as my pace halted to a stop.
Somebody was definitely here…
…
My stomach squirmed horribly at the idea that it could be Asaka.
But before those fears could invade my mind any further I saw him walk through the trees right in front of me.
He looked tired, distracted, worn… but still cold.
It was strange to only see one of his eyes. By now I was so used to always seeing his entire face.
His gaze met mine for only a moment until he looked away, he started walking again… I could tell he wasn't planning on saying anything to me, probably not even to look at me.
Already feeling more than a little insulted I tried to start a conversation I knew would be bumpy and uncomfortable, but was necessary.
"Kakashi-sensei…" I called him, realizing a little too late that I let 'sensei' slip out. I noticed that recently, when I thought about him, I would always use 'sensei' now… I didn't feel like he was 'Kakashi' anymore… he was too far away…
He looked down to the ground quickly.
Even though I could only see one of his eyes, I didn't miss that moment of disappointment in his expression.
I tried not to think about it.
"… I need to talk to yo-" I started up again, only to get cut off.
"There shouldn't be anything you need to talk to me about; our only objective is to wait for the enemy." He took a few slow steps to my left, his hands casually resting in his pockets, just like always.
He walked right passed me as he finished his sentence.
His attempt to play stupid annoyed me more than I thought it would.
I turned around to him sharply.
"Kakashi." I corrected my previous mistake harshly… it still felt incredibly strange to call his first name so seriously…. But it was the only way I could think of to get his attention. He glanced back to me, I could only see his profile. Annoyed, and a little frustrated already, it wasn't hard to find the words I had planned on saying, but it was harder to control the tone of my voice. "I know you have to be going through a lot, and that this is probably really difficult for you… but you can't just keep avoiding me like this… You can't keep trying to take everything on by yourself." Those last words came back into our relationship again.
I had tried to say all that as calmly as I could, as understanding as I could make them… hoping it would affect him in any way.
He stood with his back to me for a long moment.
I could only hear the cicadas buzzing in the distance, the wind blowing through the leaves, the creaking of old branches… it was such a peaceful night, but this little clearing we were standing in was thick with tension.
Finally, after a few seconds, his shoulders slumped a little as he let go of a deep breath.
My heart rose a little expectantly, hoping my words had actually done something.
"Sakura…" I felt my defenses soften a little when he called my name like that. He turned towards me…
His posture, his expression… his cold, professional mask was a little cracked now.
"… I'm just trying to save you from as much pain as I can." His voice was still a little unfeeling, but I didn't care…
I didn't know whether I was relieved that he wasn't acting so normal, or to be irritated that he was ignoring what I was really trying to tell him.
… The irritation won out when I saw the look he was giving me. A look that told me he really didn't want this conversation… that he was only humoring me.
"'Save' me?..." I repeated his word choice after I took a moment to think through his sentence… So he really did think of this whole situation as something to 'save' me from.
He really did think that I couldn't handle this.
…
But now this was my chance… he was here, he was almost normal… I just had to make him listen to me.
… I tried to soften my voice as I spoke up again, saying words that didn't take too much thought before I decided on them.
"I don't care what kind of pain I have to go through if it's for you…" I looked into his eye with as much conviction as I could.
He quickly looked away from me as I finished that sentence.
"That isn't something you should be able to say so easily…" He looked away from me, turning away from me a little.
I felt my heart drop a little as my blood pressure rose. My jaw clenched as my teeth started grinding together a little. Did he really just brush off those words as if I didn't mean them?! Did he think I was as immature as a child who'd say things they didn't feel just to get what they wanted?!
"You should head back to camp." He added over his shoulder as he was suddenly walking away.
But he was walking in the wrong direction… he wasn't going back to the resting spot.
"Where are you going?!" I called after him louder than I planned, running after him faster than I thought I was going to.
This always happened when I got frustrated, I'd lose track of my strength and temper.
And my temper rose even higher when he didn't answer me, and when I suddenly thought of an answer.
…
He was going after Asaka wasn't he?
…
"Kakashi!" I caught up with him, feeling even more urgent to talk to him, to keep him here… with me. "I'm not just going to sit by and watch you get yourself hurt or killed because of that woman." My voice was still louder than I meant it to be, but I didn't really care anymore… He seemed to pay attention when I raised my voice.
I had finally managed to muscle my way past the instinct to always act like a student around him, to always be quiet and obedient…. We're equals now, I had just as much of a right to act like this as he did!
At any other time I would've lost some conviction when I saw his gaze land on me a little sharply like that… he was definitely annoyed…. But right now, I just took it in.
"This is my problem." He talked down to me a little roughly.
I was surprised even further when I didn't care.
"And now it's mine, too." I answered defiantly.
It was true… when we started this relationship, it took me a while, but I eventually realized that problems and issues had to be shared… that we had to be there for each other during times like these.
…
He was the one who taught me that.
...
… But now he was trying to push me away from him when everything I knew, everything I felt, was telling me that he needed me.
…
He just sighed to himself, closing his eyes with an irritated expression. I hated it when he did that, I hated it when he made that expression over me… he hasn't done that in years, but when he did, it always meant he thought I was acting like a kid.
"You don't know what you're saying, Sa-" He started to say my name at the end of that hurtful sentence. He wanted to calm me down, and if I had let him finish, I probably would've lost some of this edge, but I didn't want that. I wanted to use this frustration… I needed to use this feeling to get my points across.
When I spoke up I realized my voice was even louder than before. "You keep trying to protect me from this! But I can handle it. I can help you. I know what I'm capab-!"
"There isn't anything you can do." He cut me off from finishing… yet I didn't even notice that when his words hit me.
...
I couldn't think of anything to say to that… I lost my words….But I didn't lose that edge.
I could see his eye fixed on my face, taking my silence as my defeat…. But right now, I definitely wasn't anywhere near surrendering.
Those words sparked some sort of fire within me.
Those words that I had been so afraid of hearing… so afraid that he'd be the one to say them.
I thought hearing them would crush me, that I wouldn't know what do after he openly tells me how useless I am.
… But those words weren't the mark of defeat to me... they were a challenge.
He thinks I can't do anything?
He thinks I'm too young to understand what this situation means?
... I have to teach him otherwise...
… A plan came to mind.
My silence had gone on too long.
I was suddenly woken from my thoughts when he suddenly turned around.
… I really hadn't really thought seriously about going through with this plan... it was only a brainstorming idea that was probably too much... But when he turned around like that, without saying anything, expecting me to just shut up, expecting me to just take those words and accept them like they were true, all my boundaries broke loose.
I felt my hand tingle with chakra as I reached out for his arm, my fingers closed around his gloved wrist as tightly as I could make them.
I turned east, quickly breaking into a run.
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"There isn't anything you can do." He interrupted her.
She stopped.
She finally stopped.
He regretted he had to say something like that to make her stop trying to break into his past. He knew what his words would do to her… but it was the only way he could think of to stop her from getting involved any further.
…
She was already so dangerously close to this mission, she was probably already a target to Sato… he didn't need her putting herself in any more danger for him.
Even if that's what she wanted, she didn't understand the amount of pain and guilt he'd endure if, by putting herself in danger for him, she got hurt in the process.
He had really just wanted to deal with all this by himself, take care of it before it affected her too greatly… but after this afternoon…. Things were going to get so much more complicated because of that conversation.... Unless he stopped everything now.
He needed to go and deal with Sato, now.
As he took another step away from the frozen, wordless, girl he had to hurt only a few seconds ago, he felt something like a vice close around his wrist.
Before he could even look to see what it was he was already being dragged eastward.
He had to break into a run to keep up with the vice around his wrist.
After only a moment he realized what was going on.
He tried to wring his wrist out of her reach, tried to pry her fingers away with his other hand, but her grip was too strong. She must've been using almost all of her chakra for this.
"Sakura!" He called her name, trying to get her attention, but she didn't react. "What are you doing?!" He called after her, speaking louder than the rushing wind, the rustling branches, but she still only looked ahead of her like she couldn't hear him.
He looked down to the ground, to trees around him, looking for something to catch on to, but in only a moment, the trees were gone, and the ground was only covered in grass.
He looked back up.
They were in the clearing.
The cabin rushing toward them as she pulled his wrist harder, making him run by her side.
Then in only a flash of a second, she swung his arm around in front of her, giving him one last push towards the door of the cabin before letting go of his wrist.
"Sakura?" He called her name as she slowed to a fast walk, stomping towards him with no signs of slowing down.
He backed away from her, stepping into the doorway of the cabin.
Her hand landed on the center of his chest, giving him one last chakra-full push until they were both in the hut.
"Sa-" He was about to raise his voice even louder, hoping to finally get her attention now that they were both standing still in the dark and abandoned building, but he was interrupted by a sudden hand tugging at the bottom of his mask, followed by a pair of familiar lips crashing onto his from a downward angle.
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I pushed him one last time into the doorway as I walked in, too.
It was really strange, pulling and pushing Kakashi-sensei around like this, but I couldn't pay attention to that weird feeling when I was already determined on my plan.
"Sa-" I didn't let him finish my name again as I reached up to his mask, tugging it down, and pulling myself up to his lips with only a single motion.
When my lips met his, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop now.
It had been too long since I had kissed him like this… even if it had only been a day and a half, it felt like it had been weeks.
I reached my hands up to the sides of his face, my right hand sliding underneath his forehead protector trying to reach around and back to the knot behind his head. I had to untie it so that I could deepen this kiss as much as I wanted to... even though he still wasn't kissing me back.
His hands were still in the air, hovering by the sides of my waist.
He must still be shocked.
I shifted my feet a little, standing on my toes, trying to reach higher and deeper into this one-sided kiss.
But just as I managed to loosen the knot of his forehead protector, his hands quickly landed on my waist, pushing me away from him, breaking my kiss.
"What are you doing?" He looked down at me, his forehead protector now hanging around his neck loosely.
"I can't do this?" I asked up to him half-seriously, my voice full of annoyance, not expecting an answer I'd want to hear.
I stood up on my toes again, reaching my hands up to him again.
My lips landed on his for only a moment until he pushed me away again.
"No." He said shortly looking down at me like something was wrong with me. I hated that look. "We're in the middle of a mission. You should know that we can't be together like this." He lectured at me.
He really didn't understand what I was doing.
He couldn't see what I was trying to do.
…
But now that I've already gone this far, I can't stop now… I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the eruption of stomach acid that was burning away in my chest as I realized just how nervous I was about this plan.
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She ignored his lecture, her fingers closing around the buckles of his vest, pulling him down to her, kissing him again.
His fingers twitched on her waist a little.
He had missed her lips, he had missed feeling her under his hands.
... He tried not to let himself enjoy this... but...
Her lips moved against his more aggressively than he had ever felt from her.
And even though he knew something was off… that this wasn't right… that what they were doing wasn't supposed to be happening…. He couldn't bring himself to push her away just yet.
He started to kiss her back, slowly, hesitantly, carefully.
He let his hands touch the sides of her waist lightly, trying not to let himself touch her too much... as much as he wanted to...
She reacted immediately, her hands sliding up to his shoulders, pulling herself closer to him. Her lips pressed against his with so much energy, so much passion... he was being swept away by her pace, quickly catching up with her. His breathing was already getting a little labored.
He didn't realize for a few seconds that his hands were already pulling her waist towards and against him.
This was getting to be too much.
He was already starting to forget himself.
His hands pushed her away again… he didn't want to.
"Sakura…" He called her name a little too softly. "We..." He started a sentence he hadn't pieced together yet.
He looked away from her, breathing a little deeply... he could feel his self control wavering… and looking at her definitely wouldn't help him keep himself from touching her.
"We shouldn't be together like this?" She spoke up, asking for the rest of his nonexistent sentence, using his previous one.
Her hands slid down to his chest again.
He tried not to let it affect him.
She pushed her hands against him a little, forcing him to take a few steps backward.
He still didn't know what she was doing.
He didn't know what he wanted to say.
His back hit the wall with a faint thud. She didn't stop walking till she was already too close.
He finally let himself look down at her, his uneven vision didn't even bother him when he saw her face was so close to his.
It was probably a mistake, looking at her… he knew it was probably something he shouldn't have done, because right now he felt like he couldn't stand not touching her lips any longer.
He leaned down slowly, still hesitant.
… Why was he so weak when she looked at him like that?
… Why was he so incapable of stopping himself when she was so close?
He didn't understand any of it.
He didn't understand how this girl could have this power over him.
He didn't understand why he didn't care that she had this power over him.
He didn't understand why he couldn't stop himself from kissing her as intensely as he had been wanting to for hours.
His hands closed around her waist tightly, pulling her closer to him.
She kissed him even more aggressively than before, instantly raising the level of passion he had originally invested into this kiss.
… This definitely wasn't normal.
… but a part of him didn't care.
Her lips, her waist, her hands, her scent.
He lost himself in all of it.
He suddenly felt her hands slide from his shoulders to the front of his chest, meeting in the middle.
Her fingers finding the zipper of his vest.
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I pulled down the zipper of his vest quickly... slighlty hoping that he would stop me....
I felt his kiss slow down a little, his hands loosen against me, as the zipper reached the bottom of his vest.
I let my hands find the fabric of his navy blue shirt under his vest.
I felt his fingers on my sides flinch a little.
…I broke the kiss for a breath as I felt my anxiety grow a little more when I separated my hands on his chest, sliding the front of the vest over his shoulders.
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His vest fell on the floor with barely any sound.
He looked down at her as her hands moved back along his chest gently, attentively, as if she was feeling for details… he tried not to react.
Her lips found the side of his neck, moving against his skin like they had never before.
Something was really different about all of this.
She was so much more… forceful.
As if proving his thoughts right, he suddenly felt her hands press against him a little strongly.
She was pushing him down the wall, crouching over him as they both slid down to the ground.
He could feel his heart race a little.
She climbed on top of his legs, like he had her do a few night before, but this time she wasn't shaking like before, she wasn't only reacting to the way he touched her.
She was the one that was doing this.
She was the one touching him, kissing him.
He couldn't understand where this came from, but he didn't have enough time for his brain to catch up with what was going on as he felt her lips graze along the side of his neck, down to the fabric of his mask, which she pulled down even further in order to kiss more of him.
His eyes closed a little tightly when her lips parted against his skin, her tongue grazing his neck a little.
…The way she did that... it was a lot like the way he would do that to her occasionally.
…
… He had taught her some strange things without meaning to.
…
He felt his hands slide down from her waist to her hips without thinking about it, his fingers closed around the side straps of her skirt a little tightly.
Her lips left his skin quickly.
His mind wasn't as fogged as before.
He was suddenly aware of what his hands were doing.
She sat there, straddling his legs, for a moment, in complete silence.
Her hands, that were resting on his chest, flinched a little… they clenched into fists around the fabric of his shirt.
He was suddenly worried.
Maybe she just realized what she was doing…
...what I was doing…
He lifted his hands from her hips, up to her waist again, about ready to push her away from him.
He must've scared her.
Again.
He really hadn't been expecting anything… he would never expect anything too much from her… but she might've thought he was.
He scowled at himself for a moment.
This is enough, we can't keep going like this or-
Just as his hands pushed her only an inch away, her hands suddenly pulled at him harder than before.
She swung him around and away from the wall before letting him go.
His back hit the dusty, cement, ground a little harshly.
He only needed a moment to realize what had just happened, but he didn't even get that before her lips were on his again.
…
… This wasn't normal…
She was on top of him, kissing him, her hands moving across his chest
He was underneath her, kissing her, his hands loosely holding onto her back.
...
He hadn't been expecting something like this.
He had expeced her to ge scared, to stop... that they'd talk, go their separate ways, and pretend that this never happened... but that's not where this was going.
He had to think for a moment whether this was really happening or not.
His answer hit him with force when he felt her hands slide down the center of his chest and under the fabric of his shirt smoothly.
Her hands pushed up his shirt, revealing his bare chest, quickly.
He broke away from her kiss with shock, letting his head fall back to the ground as he tried to get back some of the oxygen he lost with that surprise.
She was breathing harder than he was, but she didn't look like she was as confused as he was. She looked so… determined.
Like she was doing something important that she had to concentrate on.
He couldn't pay attention to her strange expression when he felt her hands brush up the length of his chest as she slid his shirt up to his collarbone, leaving it like that.
Every time she touched him like this, it was always so strange for him... to be touched, instead of touching... he almost forgot what it felt like.
...
She scooted away from his face even though he had expected her to kiss him again as soon as he wasn't feeling so light-headed.
She left his vision after a moment.
"Saku…" He couldn't say her entire name when she interrupted him.
Her lips landed on the center of his chest.
He couldn't control a gasp. He definitely hadn't been expecting that.
Her lips met his skin again, kissing his muscles deeply.
He could feel his back arch slightly in reaction.
…
It felt so good.
He forgot how this could feel.
He forgot how this feeling could creep into a person and take over without them realizing it.
He had forgotten how good this could feel.
Her hands explored along his chest.
…
She had moved under his hands, which were no longer at level with her waist … his hands grabbed onto her shoulders a little harshly, trying to get her attention… but he didn't know why he wanted to.
He could feel a red flag go up in his mind… something wasn't right about this… he had to stop this… but he couldn't focus on anything other than her lips kissing down his chest, he couldn't remember how to control a moan when he felt her tongue peek through her lips, brushing against his stomach as she descended further down.
He couldn't hold onto her shoulders anymore as she crept farther down his body.
His hands landed on the sides of her head, his fingers reaching far into her pink hair.
…
This isn't right.
…
This isn't right.
…
Something's going to happen if I don't stop this.
….
But I can't think of it.
…
Why can't I think?!
…
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I closed my eyes as my lips met his skin.
I felt his entire body flinch underneath me as he gasped a little.
I was a little surprised by his sudden reaction.
It really wasn't like him to be so… affected… so easily.
…
… He really must've been 'aching' for something like this…
…
I squeezed my eyes shut tighter as I remembered those words.
… She had been right, hadn't she?
…
I pushed that from my mind when I let my lips move farther down the center of his chest, my hands grazing along his chest.
I kissed him again, again, and again.
Always travelling downward.
I felt my heart beat harder and harder with every inch I kissed down his chest.
As I reached the top of his stomach, I kissed harder and longer, letting my tongue brush against his skin.
"Ah." His back arched a little, his chest rising towards me.
… I hesitated for a moment.
He actually moaned.
I had never heard Kakashi-sensei moan before.
I had never made him moan before.
... Hearing his voice like that… I sort of liked it…
… But it mostly scared me.
…
… I tried not to think about myself.
…
This isn't for me.
…
This is for him.
…
So he can understand that I'm not as useless… or as incapable as I was when I was younger.
I've grown up from that twelve-year-old he knew.
I felt his fingers weave into my hair eagerly, interrupting my thoughts and reminding me of what I was doing.
…
…He didn't have to protect me anymore.
…
I kissed his skin again…
…
I felt my stomach turn over nervously as I reached the middle of his stomach, already moving towards the bottom of it.
The waist of his pants was only a few inches away.
…
My heart felt so heavy and sluggish… my stomach felt like it was burning… I felt so strange.
I slid my hands, that had been resting on the top of his chest, down, slowly.
My hands paused for a moment.
…
Am I really going to do this?
…
Can I?
…
Do I want to?
…
I didn't have any of the answers.
But I couldn't just stay like this.
…
I let my fingers travel downward, finding the top of his pants.
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Her hands slid down his chest one more time, before they stopped at his lower stomach.
She stopped moving for a few moments.
… he could feel himself wake up a little.
He wasn't drowning in those long forgotten feelings anymore.
Something wasn't right about this.
He felt her fragile fingers closed around the top of his pants, undoing the button.
Reason came flooding back to him within only a second.
This couldn't happen!
God, he couldn't let this happen!
"What're you doing?" He asked a question he already knew the horrible answer to.
He immediately sat up, his hand flashing to hers, stopping them from doing anything further.
…
He couldn't believe this.
…
What was she thinking?!
…
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"What're you doing?" He spoke up for the first time in a while, sitting up quickly.
His hand landed on mine, pulling them away from his pants.
I looked up at him from where I was.
The way he was looking at me.
… Like I was crazy.
"It's what you want, right?" I asked up to him… it was such an embarrassing question, but it was true, right?
… His eyes widened sharply.
He suddenly stood up from the floor, his hand pulling me up too.
He really didn't like that question.
"Of course not." He said a little loudly. His hands squeezed around mine a little tightly.
He looked down at me urgently.
"But you… you're used to doing these things in relationships." I spoke up, already beyond the point of embarrassment.
"What's happened in my previous relationships doesn't matter… Don't feel like you have to live up to anything!" He turned away from me as he spoke. He walked out of the door, his hand draggin me behind him.
I followed after him, still feeling a little out of breath from before.
"The only reason we haven't… is because of me." I paused during that sentence and skipping over the many possible fill-in-blanks that could fit into that pause…
I followed him as we left that cabin behind, onto the clearing.
"You have to be… impatient… by now." I added, feeling horrible.
He stopped in his tracks when I said that word... his hand let go if mine.
He turned around slowly. "Don't jump to conclusions because of what that woman said…" He said softly…
"I'm not doing this because of what Asaka said." I spoke up a little loudly. His expression hardened a little when I said her name. "I've been thinking about it, too." I said vaguely.
His expression softened again.
His eyes looked down at me exactly the same way they would look at me whenever he'd apologize for taking things too far, in the past.
… He was blaming himself for this, wasn't he?... When it was actually my fault this time.
"You didn't want that." He told me what he knew I was feeling.
…
He was right.
I didn't want it.
… but I wished I did.
…
"I just want you to realize that I'm not as… useless as you think I am… That you can trust me." I released my fears quietly… finally telling him why I did all this, and the ultimate root of all these worries of him trying to protect me: my worries that he didn't trust me.
There was a long moment of quiet.
Again, I could hear the cicadas, the wind, the trees… despite what just happened between us, nature was till unmoved and unaware...
"Sakura…" He said my name the way I always loved it. "I've never thought you were useless." I suddenly felt his arms close around me.
I hadn't even realized when he walk up to me.
"You've never been useless."
His voice. It was exactly what I needed.
My arms closed around his back as tightly as I could make them.
"I need you."
My heart stuttered when he said those words.
His arms… I missed being held by them so much.
They were so comforting.
Feeling his warmth wash over me as he held me closer to him seemed to wash away my fears, my worries… washed away my sickly anxiety from before.
"I'm sorry for ever making you feel like this." He whispered into my ear, his voice falling for a moment.
I buried my face into his chest.
That heartbeat.
I smiled to myself.
It's amazing how something so simple as the deep rhythm of his heart could bring me so much happiness, so much serenity, how it could make me feel this much love.
… I had almost forgotten what this felt like.
This safe, trusting, warm feeling.
"I'm sorry for making things worse." I offered my own apology back.
His arms only tightened around me again.
I let out a deep sigh, feeling like the boulder in my heart had suddenly melted because of this warmth.
…
"You two don't really know how to hide things well, do you?" I was torn from this moment by that sickly-sweet voice.
We both turned towards the indigo-eyed, raven-haired woman at the same time.
"So Kakashi 'The Rule-Breaker' is all grown up and decides to commit one of the greatest taboos of society." She walked towards us from the edge of the forest, her arms crossed in front of her red qipoa jacket.
"An over-experienced teacher taking advantage of his innocent student."
I felt his arms slide away from me slowly.
"Tell me, is that a step up or down from being a rebellious subordinate who was messing around with his treacherous captain?"
…
I felt my stomach squirm uncomfortably again as her eyes found me.
Something told me she wasn't saying these things to him… but for me.
… Either way, I suddenly felt like my fist was being magnetically drawn to her face.
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