Chapter 55!
Title:"Trysts and Trust: Part 3"
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NOTE: Ok… so this actually ended up as a 3-parter, too… I hope that's okay. I swear the future chapters won't be!
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Disclaimer: I own nothing!
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My dream faded away as the darkness took over my sight again.
I opened my eyes only a centimeter. Everything was blurry.
I could feel my hand moving, fingers holding my own.
I was immediately reminded of those blue eyes and the strange lips that had kissed that hand earlier today. I shot up from my sleep, almost scared that those foreign lips would land on my skin again.
"Easy there." I heard a chuckle after those words. Before my sleepy eyes could find the source of that voice my brain already recognized it, allowing a wave of happiness to wash away the almost sickly worry from just a few seconds ago.
I moved my head to my right, my eyes trying to find him. His lips found mine first.
Again, being caught off guard by this man for the umpth time today, it took me a moment to register how to kiss back. Just as soon as I was finally starting to wake up he pulled away.
"Tadaima." He said simply, with a gentle smile…. His voice sounded… happy.
I almost forgot he would be wearing that suit and black mask when he got back. Again, I noticed how nice a suit like that looked on him, but I didn't really focus on what he was wearing while he was smiling like that.
Just like always, I was always surprised by how easy it was for him to smile like that around me… for the years I knew him without being this close to him he never really struck me as a person who would smile so much, I'd only ever see him grin politely before a few months ago. My heart quickened for a moment when I wondered whether or not I had anything to do with how often he'd smile recently.
"Okaieri." I answered with a sleepy smile of my own, not really minding following his lead this time.
My stomach bubbled happily when I saw his smile widen with that one word.
"How was your nap?" He asked conversationally, continuing the moment of strange normality that we never got enough of in this relationship.
"Oh, it was-" I reached up to my head, running my fingers through my hair just in case I had some sort of awful case of bed-head and now looked as crazy as I felt earlier this afternoon, when this man had occupied every corner of my frantic mind, but… something caught me off guard and stopped my words.
There was a little source of weight on my hand, on my finger.
I thought for a weird moment that maybe my guilt of letting another man's lips touch my skin had somehow manifested itself in some sort of invisible weight on my finger, but as I looked at my hand, I realized that the weight definitely wasn't invisible.
That was when I forgot how to talk.
He didn't seem to notice my shock, or at least take it into account, when his hand found mine. I still stared at my finger, a little wide-eyed, as he lifted it to his unmasked face. I could feel his breath run down my hand as his lips got dangerously close to touching the little clear gemstone welded into the silver band of metal wrapped around my finger.
I snatched away my hand as quickly as I could force the stimuli from my brain to my hand.
Again, the memory of those weirdly guilt-inducing lips on my skin shook me enough to react so harshly to Kakashi-sensei's show of affection. I couldn't let him kiss the same hand that that man had.
He stared at me, his own eyes wide, but not as wide as my own.
A weak smile spread across his face this time as he shook his head a little, "What's with that face?"
"… What?" I asked up, finally remembering one word out of the Japanese language.
"Relax…" He told me softly. "It's only a costume."
I looked down at the ring… it didn't look costumey to me.
"I only thought that it seemed kind of pointless that we would say we were engaged, but not have any evidence." He responded with his usual carefree grin. I was a little surprised that at the same time Hiroki had realized the absence of a ring, Kakashi did too… I guess he was just being thoughtful.
But something about his smile didn't seem right… it looked almost… fake.
"Oh, yeah… that makes sense." I answered back slowly, trying to act normal and not as disturbed as I was over the fact that I might've ruined a moment he had planned by acting so stupidly on guilt.
"Well," He raised his voice for a moment, as if trying to push the previous subject behind us, "I would've liked to suggest we both finish that nap of yours, but we actually have to start getting ready."
I felt a little disappointed actually. Sleeping by his side was always a sure-kill way of forgetting anything that was bothering me. But he was right; it must be time for the party to start already.
As if on cue there was suddenly a loud crashing noise that I recognized from this morning, the door had been thrown open without a second thought of infrastructure.
"Kakashi-sensei! Saku-OW!" Naruto had burst through the door, stomping into the room we were now standing in bellowing our real names. Kakashi stopped him from the last syllable with a little jab to the top of the blonde's head. "What was that fer?" He whined, still energetic, clutching his head a little painfully.
"You can't go shouting our real names when we're still undercover." Kakashi lectured with a sigh.
Naruto frowned to himself, closing his eyes, pouting in his own defiant way. "Well, whatever." He said gruffly. "I just wanted to know what the plan was." He added, still dejected.
"I thought you said you wanted to check to make sure Kakashi-san wasn't doing anything 'weird'?" A polite voice floated into the conversation before I noticed Sai walking up behind Naruto. I had to make a double take.
The first take was to realize that the two boys were wearing suits of their own, both of them looking actually good in the formal wear.
The second take was when I computed what Sai meant when he quote Naruto's words 'Kakashi doing something "weird"'? My mind reeled at the fact that for the first time in a while, he hadn't been doing anything weird just now… well, that was probably because of how I so kindly snatched my hand away from him as if he had cooties or something, earlier. I grumbled to myself about that as Naruto started defending himself.
"I didn't say that!" He objected a little frantically as Kakashi-sensei gave him a tired glare behind his mask. "I just said I wanted to check on you guys!" He offered the alternative sentence.
He might've actually been telling the truth… he sounded like it.
Maybe Sai was the one lying?
That was a weird thought… Sai lying about something so pointless…
but…
Sai could've thought that by making up that sentence it would introduce the subject of something happening between me and Kakashi… which would help my chances of getting into Kakashi-sensei's thoughts.
Yeah… that plan sounded like something Sai would come up with.
I sighed a little roughly as I stood up from the futon, straightening out the dress as I did. There were so many pesky things about my situation right now that I couldn't set right: Sai, Hiroki, the weird guilt can't get rid of. I really have to find a way to fix everything, I'm getting tired of freaking out every other minute.
I hadn't noticed until I looked up that all three of my teammates were now staring at me.
Kakashi seemed like he was either admiring his choice of attire or me… I kind of hoped it was the dress he was looking at. If he was looking at me… the look in his eye would be too embarrassing.
Naruto was just gawking, like he did last time I had to wear something so showy.
Sai was just staring over Naruto's shoulder, following what the crowd was doing. Staring at me.
"Sakura-chyan." Naruto started, "You look so-"
"I think it's time you two went to go prepare for the party." Kakashi broke in before Naruto could finish his compliment, reaching out to the boys' shoulders and guiding them back to the door.
"But we've already done everything!" Naruto whined.
"It's impossible to recheck escape routes and weapons too many times." Kakashi lectured shortly, repeating words I'd heard him say almost every time we settled down to camp during a mission and Naruto complained about being bored.
The two boys left the room without much fight and everything was quiet again.
"So I guess we still have to get ready, too." I spoke up as he turned back to me.
"Yes, and regrettfuly," He smiled as he walked back up to me. When I thought he'd stop he just took another step and another. "We don't have time to waste." His masked lips grazed against my own with those words.
He was so close.
I only stood there a little dumbly. I loved the way he could be so close to me, and I actually liked the way I could tell he was trying to tease me.…but… I couldn't really enjoy it as much as I wanted.
I felt like I would've said something just as playful back… but I was still kind of… out of it. I had to settle for stealing a small, masked kiss and replying simply, "Ok."
I left him to his own preparations. His gazed followed after me for a moment, like he was a little confused.
I hoped he didn't realize that I wasn't really myself right now.
… then again, I was a horrible actress. He probably already knew.
I tried to push everything to the back of my mind as I got ready, which, surprisingly, wasn't taking as long as I had expected. I just had to put on the black heels he'd gotten for me this afternoon, fix my hair a little, and stash a kunai holder…
… stash a kunai holder….
… somewhere…
… where?
I shuffled on the spot, holding the long white fabric which was traditionally used to secure the pack to your clothing… but this dress wouldn't really be able to hold it…. Plus, I couldn't have it out in the open unless I just wanted to say 'Hey, I'm a ninja!' as soon as I walked into the party. And that really wasn't the fashion statement I should be making tonight.
And it wasn't even like I had pockets for kunai, either.
"Uh-Hey." I called to him through the wall as I made my way to the door.
"Hm?" He called back nonverbally. I turned the corner of the door, he had his back to me. He was leaning over one of his bags. I looked back down to the satchel and the fabric in my hands as I walked over to him.
"What am I supposed to do about kunai? I've never done an undercover mission where I had to dress like this." I spoke up, still confused, not even caring enough to make the remark about 'dress like this' sound spiteful or playful since he was the one who dressed me like this. "Am I just supposed to rely on taijutsu if things get out of hand?"
I finally looked up to the man right in front of me just as he turned to face me.
Suddenly I felt like I just asked something stupid. The way he was looking at me, like the answer was the most obvious thing ever. He smiled behind his mask simply, his eye closing.
"I'll show you." His hands moved too fast to let me hold onto the kunai satchel or the fabric before they disappeared.
"Uh, wha-" My question was completely forgotten when in the same nanosecond I noticed his masked face disappear from sight that I suddenly felt a hand brush the front fabric of my dress aside.
I tried to take a step back as I looked down, but the same hand that had just pull aside the front train of my dress tugged the fabric, pulling me forward, as if he knew I'd try to back off.
"H-Hey, what're you-" I asked after I finally registered the fact that he was actually kneeling in front of me, his eyes level with my stomach, but my tone changed when his hand lifted the violet, satin-y fabric of my dress over his shoulder, "HEY."
He didn't seem to care that I was flipping out.
"What do you think you're… doing!" I called for his attention loudly, my voice increasing in volume when his hands landed on my right leg, sliding upward a few inches from the top of my knee.
"Just trying to determine where to place it." He answered innocently, looking up at me with that same simple trademark smile. I looked away from him in only an instant… it was weird looking down at him like this, especially when his hands were running along my leg like this!
I am so glad that I put on some shorts just now… if he had done this before…. I didn't want to think about how embarrassing that would've been.
"I can do this myself, you know." I grumbled a little, feeling the heat reach my face, wondering how my leg felt even hotter.
"But it isn't the same type of wrapping pattern when you don't have clothes to secure it to." Again, the innocence in his voice was just so fake that it wasn't even funny.
I felt a hand on my wrist pull my right hand down from how my arms were cross before.
"Hey." I complained a little at how he surprised me.
He pulled my arm down to my side.
"You have a short reach." He commented playfully.
"So?..." I warned him with some attitude, glancing down at him for a moment. I immediately wished I hadn't since as the same moment I did I felt his hand inch upward even farther, his palm heating my inner thigh. I almost pull my knees together in reaction."Hey!" I couldn't think of anything else to say to tell him that... that… I don't know… that I was freaking out?
"If I secured it any lower on your leg you'd have a hard time reaching without being discreet, and that wouldn't be good, right?" He explained happily as I couldn't' really argue with the logic, but the way he made it a question at the end was annoying.
This was a challenge.
"I guess…" I mumbled.
The next thing I knew I felt the white fabric being pressed against my skin, his hand passed the cloth to his other, then that one to the other. His hand passing between my legs, the other one tracing the back of my thigh to make sure he set the fabric right even though he couldn't see.
The whole time I was crossing my arms, my eyebrow twitching, just trying to keep my legs from shaking… this was getting kind of ticklish, too. Plus… the way he was just kneeling in front of me like this…. It was really really really starting to bug me. I felt like some sort of mannequin or something. I had completely no control over this little situation.
I needed some of it back.
"Do you really have to kneel like that?" I asked out of nowhere with as much politeness I could muster, hoping he'd take the hint.
"I guess not." He answered surprisingly truthfully.
I had almost been sure that he'd have some sort of reason to stay like that. I breathed a small sigh of relief when his hands stopped and he anchored himself to his feet, the fabric of my dress sliding off his shoulder.
I thought that would put a stop to some of this weird embarrassment… but things just got so much worse.
He continued to pattern the wrappings around my thigh, but now that he was standing his hands were moving from an upward angle, his fingers occasionally brushing higher than necessary up my leg as he reached for the fabric. And now that he was standing, he had to lean down a little to reach, which meant that he was now eye level with me, and as he leaned back and forth –passing the fabric back and forth- his face was getting so close to mine.
This challenge sucks!
He obviously has the upperhand! There's nothing I can do!
As if he could read my thoughts, I saw his eyes move away from my leg and glance at mine. The innocence in that smile of his was just as bad as any smirk I'd ever seen!
"I guess…" I spoke up after my body was done with the goosebumps that moment gave me. "It would be easier if you kneeled again." I couldn't think of any other way to tell him I was wrong.
"I guess…" He repeated my weak words mockingly as he lowered himself to his knee.
JEEZ.
I endured only a minute longer of the goosebump-inducing, ticklish, challenge before I felt him tie off the fabric quickly, reflecting the years of practice. A thought came to mind.
"So how do you know how to pattern wrappings for situations without clothes?" I asked up a little too playfully, enjoying the opportunity to push this embarrassment back at him.
"Over the course of eleven hundred missions, I've had my own experiences with issues like these." He smiled up at me as he gave me that overwhelming, but simultaneously vague answer.
Eh!
1,100 missions?
I had almost forgotten exactly who this man was for a moment there. Renowned throughout the world of shinobi for his skills and experience, he was one of the few famous ninja who every aspiring shinobi seemed to hear about sooner or later, the great Copy-Ninja Hatake Kakashi… but to me he had simply become 'Kakashi'.
I tried to stop myself from acting as proud of him as I felt, but I couldn't hold back a smile even if I tried.
"Show off." I muttered without a trace of seriousness. I didn't have to look down at him to see his own smile widen.
But my cool-moment didn't last long when after I was finally starting to let my guard down, thinking this was the end of this somewhat embarrassing moment, I felt his hand linger on my skin. His fingertips trailing along the inside of my leg. I had to close my eyes to stop myself from laughing… it was really ticklish. He didn't stop when I thought he would. My eyes cringed as I was now trying to will the heat from pooling in my cheeks. His fingertips only drew little circles on my skin.
Just as I was starting to worry whether or not he was trying to turn this into something else his voice interrupted me, "There's something that's bothering you."
…
I'd almost forgotten.
But his voice just now. It shook me back to reality. This wasn't a little game or challenge anymore.
He didn't sound so playful anymore, his voice actually reminded me of… Kakashi-sensei. The teacher side of his personality. I'd heard it in that exact tone so many times over the years.
Whenever he'd start a conversation with Naruto about the Kyuubi or start a conversation about our fallen comrades, he'd always start it with that sentence and that voice… it put me off my guard a little bit to hear Kakashi-sensei's voice like that while his hand was still exploring the inside of my leg. Even if both sides were still 'Kakashi', there was always some sort of separation between the man who trained me and the man who'd kiss me.
"What happened?" He spoke up again, his voice sounding even more like 'sensei'. Again, combining the teacher I looked up to for so long before I had these feelings and the man who was trailing his hand along my thigh right now… it was a little mind-bending.
I think that's what he wanted. To throw me off and get an actual answer.
"U-uh…." My voice shook as I was trying to stop my legs from shaking under his touch and think straight, "I just… I had a weird day." I answered truthfully, just vaguely.
I heard a trademark Kakashi-sigh just as soon as I realized he was standing up again. I felt my dress fall back to the way it was before, my legs now covered. My embarrassment level immediately dropped, but the pace of my heart didn't.
"Sorry to hear that." He said simply, his smile back to normal.
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Eh?
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That's it?
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He's not going to ask me what was 'weird' or why I've been different lately?
He isn't going to interrogate me about who I met or what happened at the meeting with Hiroki?
… then again… he had no idea that I had a meeting at all…
But still… it's like… he just… trusts me.
He trusts me.
The guilt from before loosened its hold on my heart and stomach a little. I thought this would make me feel worse… but I hadn't really done anything wrong….
Sure, meeting with a possible enemy alone probably wasn't something Kakashi would be happy about… but still… I didn't let Hiroki do what he was trying to do… even if I was a little slow on the defense, I still stopped everything before-
"I was getting worried that the ring did this."
... huh?
I lost track of my previous thoughts when he said that, just as casually as anything else he's said in the past few minutes.
Ring?
It didn't take long to remember the weight on my finger.
I hadn't really thought about it at all since I woke up with it on.
He was worried?
About what?
Realization hit me after I let my brain grope for answers, finding the right one.
He thought I was freaking out because he bought me a ring. That I was scare or something?
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So that's why he was being so… challenging… just now, to try and get me back to normal or something. He did the same thing back before the Asaka mission, too.
How come I didn't see it sooner?
I sighed to myself, a little relieved.
"No… I didn't really mind the ring thing" I rhymed awkwardly. "I know you weren't being serious." I added quickly, but my voice sounded weird, it almost made me cringe at myself.
He didn't seem to notice.
"Good."
I couldn't focus on the flatness of his voice in that moment before he was kissing me.
His lips weren't on mine any longer than the amount of time it took for me to register they were there.
"It's about time we should be leaving." His voice picked up again, as if we weren't just on the verge of a very different conversation just now.
He was already turned towards the door, a few steps away from me before I found my voice.
"Kakashi." I called after him.
It still felt a little weird calling him by only that name so bluntly. I've gotten used to thinking of him and his name without using 'sensei', but to actually say it, to call him simply 'Kakashi' actually felt a little weird, and nice at the same time.
He turned towards me, and this time I was the one who caught him off guard.
I kissed him before he even had time to react, his hand still holding onto the material of his mask as if I caught him just before he was about to pull it back up.
I had no idea why I was doing this… but… something just seemed right about calling him back for one more kiss. I just wanted… I don't know… to prove that I was really okay, that he hadn't done anything to cause my weirdness, that I needed him, that I wouldn't be with or look at anyone else.
I guess I was trying to prove that to myself, too.
What happened with Hiroki still bothered me… even if I stopped him…. Why did I hesitate like that?
I didn't have to worry about that thought anymore since it was quickly forgotten as soon as the lips on mine started moving too.
But this time it wasn't one of his casual kisses, or even a playful kiss… it was different… stronger.
I hadn't really been prepared for it when his hand found the side of my neck, sliding to the back of my head. He pulled me closer, apparently not thinking about the fact that I might need to breathe sometime soon.
Then again… I wasn't really thinking about anything like that either… everything in this moment of my world revolved around him and how I could get closer to him. Reaching up and tugging his shoulders down to me barely helped with growing ache to feel him closer to me.
I had no idea why I felt like this… maybe it was the way he was kissing me. Serious. Intense.
Like he was making up for time lost or future time apart. Like he was saying goodbye or something.
I didn't focus on that thought when he took another step closer to me, his other arm wrapping around my waist, pulling me up a few inches. Even with highheels on I still had to stand on my toes to reach his lips without him leaning down. But I had a hard time keeping balance when he pressed his lips harder against mine, barely letting my own move. My hands slid up from his shoulders, my fingers reaching into his silver hair like I loved doing, like I had dreamt about doing since before the first time we even kissed.
THWAK.
"HEY, YOU GUYS!"
The door behind Kakashi burst open again as that painfully recognizable shouting blasted away the silence from before that had only been interrupted by our quick intakes of breaths between movements.
If we hadn't been shinobi we would've been caught for sure, but, just as his reputation of being one of the fastest ninja in the world attested, Kakashi was able to snatch his hands away from me and take a few steps back within a nanosecond.
I was a little slower bringing my hands out of his hair and to my side, so I pretended to fix his tie.
That was okay, right?
Fixing his tie wouldn't be something bad or anything, right?
Naruto thought differently.
"Wh-whatcha guys doing?" He asked a little loudly as he ran into the room, no doubt trying to look around Kakashi's back to see the answer to his question.
Kakashi's mask was already up by the time the infamous Interruptor came to check on us.
"Getting ready." Kakashi said simply, pretending not to hear Naruto's slight worry as if there simply wasn't anything to worry about.
I gave his tie one quick tug before snatching my own hands away from him. I think I probably would've enjoyed fixing his tie like that if Naruto hadn't been there.
"Oh, ok." Naruto gave a big smile, visibly relieved…
It was so weird how he trusted us and suspected something at the same time.
I think he would've just acted like this if any guy got to call himself my fiancé and spend the night with me. So maybe he wasn't so worried about Kakashi, but about me… at least that's what I hoped.
"Naruto, it's polite to give people their privacy," Sai's aloof voice floated back into the room like before as the raven-haired boy walked into the doorway.
Again, I felt like Sai was trying to 'help' me.
Suggesting that Kakashi and I needed privacy was pushing it a little.
Kakashi didn't seem to notice, instead he just cleared his throat and moved on, "Time to get going."
He turned away from me, raising his arms to guide the boys out the door first. They both complied, leaving at different paces before us.
We walked out the door as well. I was the last one out so I closed the door behind me, I turned back to find Kakashi waiting for me, the two boys walking farther ahead of us. He started walking again. I followed behind him.
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I knew I had to mission to focus on… but I still felt like… things weren't really settled between me and Kakashi…. just… unfinished…
I had no idea why… but I needed something else.
He must've read my mind like he always seemed to be able to do because the moment I felt the disappointment of losing that kiss from before settle in I felt a familiar hand take my own.
It was only for a moment, but our fingers weaved together, both of us gripping the other tightly before we both knew to let go after only one second.
We went back to walking as normally as before.
I smiled to myself.
"Thank you." I whispered almost inaudibly, but the small shadow of a smile on his mask told me he didn't have a problem hearing me.
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"Thank you."
He couldn't hold back a smile.
Even with the tense atmosphere back in the room and the way she didn't seem quite herself back there… a small moment like that seemed to patch over his worries.
He wasn't sure how her day went, or what about it was 'weird', and even though he was actually more than a little curious about what could've disturbed her so much… he just felt at ease that the metal band on her finger hadn't cause it.
The way she reacted… after she woke up… she almost looked afraid. It scared him for a moment.
Is that how she would've reacted if he'd been serious?
…
Even if he definitely wasn't planning on asking that question seriously any time soon… it still would've been… a little worrying if she'd actually be so alarmed by the thought of…
Wait.
…
What am I thinking?
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She's sixteen.
Of course she isn't thinking of those things yet!
He nearly laughed at himself for a moment.
He had been so fixated on her age for so long that now… of all times… to forget that detail even for a few seconds seemed so ironic.
He settled for pushing the entire matter to the back of his mind as he noticed they were approaching the Meeting Hall.
But… just for a spare moment… he wondered what her reaction would be in a few years if he gave her another ring.
Even then she'd probably be too young to want to face such a heavy decision… but still… the hopeless romantic forever hidden in him couldn't help but wonder.
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Onward!