Chapter 61!
Title:' Teachers and Torture: Part 2'
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Note: Hope you enjoy.
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Disclaimer: I own nothing!
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Walking through the door of the apartment a little difficult. The cheering and talking could be heard from outside, so when Iruka knocked they were left to their own devices. They opened the unlocked door and had some trouble with the amount of sandals sprawled out in the doorway.
Kuroke walked on ahead before Iruka, already finding one of his closer friends.
Iruka didn't really mind.
He wasn't here to see friends tonight.
"What was it that we said?" A voice was yelling out happily from inside the room, amongst others. It carried on as it remembered the answer to his own question, "Oh, yeah! 'When are you ever going to settle down!'"
People laughed at the question as Iruka walked into the room a little shyly.
He wasn't really good with big crowds that were already drunk by the time he got there, but he was a little curious about what was going on.
"A-and then Houin said 'Are Konoha women not good enough for ya?'" The gruff-voiced man Iruka recognized as one of the ANBU members Onizuka pointed at the female Jounin who was blushing a bright beet red as the other Jounins laughed.
"You're not going to get drunk again and pass out?" One of her friends asked her.
"N-no!" She objected.
Iruka recognized that. Not this exact situation, but what they were talking about. The last time they had the party here at Kakashi's place.
He had no idea why they thought it would be interesting to relive it, everybody who was in this room had been there the first time around, it wasn't an inside joke to be explained.
But Iruka's focus moved on when he saw Kakashi sitting on the edge of his bed.
Last time this happened Kakashi was there too, but he looked annoyed, like he really wanted everyone to leave as soon as possible… which made sense to Iruka now that he knew that Sakura was probably waiting to visit him that night
Iruka shuffled on the spot a little uncomfortably when he thought about those two in this apartment alone at night… that's why he was here. He needed to talk with Kakashi about this upcoming week or so. Iruka had heard a few things around the village during the past few days about the big mission the Hokage was planning… and it would definitely help if Kakashi and Sakura took a bit of a break until it was over.
Iruka took another step towards Kakashi, who, instead of looking annoyed, seemed rather enthralled with everything. He was paying attention to everything everybody said… almost like he was studying.
That was a weird thought Iruka passed off as he maneuvered his way through the packed room over to Kakashi, hoping he could get a moment to ask if they could talk in private.
The previous yells and cheers erupted again as they continued talking about the last time they were here.
"You were so wasted, you were snoring up a storm!" One of Houin-san's friends picked on her. "I guess you learned your lesson?" Iruka almost stepped on someone's cup. He just had a few more feet to go.
"I-I can get drunk whenever I want!" She grabbed the nearest bottle and started chugging, most of them cheered.
Iruka finally broke through the little crowd in front of Kakashi whose attention was then stolen by him.
"Iruka." He greeted him neutrally.
That was new.
Ever since Iruka found…. Found Kakashi and… her together Kakashi always had a tone of hostility whenever they talked, like he thought Iruka was trying to break them up.
The fact that Kakashi wasn't really expecting it seemed to make it a little easier for Iruka to talk.
"Kakashi…" He started a little too somberly for the atmosphere of the party. Kakashi looked back at him for the moment, "… a-about Sakura visiting you tomorrow," he still found it a little nerve-racking to say this. He even forgot to ask to speak with him in private, he was just going to say what he could right here and try and leave, "… I don't think it'll be the best idea…" He trailed off, fidgeting on the spot.
He really wasn't anticipating the attitude Kakashi was probably going to give him.
He looked back to Kakashi's face.
He didn't look upset.
"Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" He asked simply. His voice barely audible over the crowd. "Tsunade assigned her to me." He reasoned as his eyes seemed to find something more interesting behind Iruka, who felt a little like he was being brushed aside without the common courtesy of at least being brushed aside with some of the attitude he expected so that he felt like his opinion meant something to Kakashi.
Iruka opened his mouth about to just go out and say he thought Kakashi shouldn't spend so much time with Sakura anymore, but he was interrupted by a voice from crowd behind him.
"Oi, Kakashi, I heard you can't remember more than just the last mission."
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Can't remember?
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Iruka couldn't make sense of that for a moment.
Kakashi spoke up, sounding a little serious before Iruka could turn around to see who had asked out of curiosity.
"Yeah, everything about the last three or four months is blank."
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Iruka didn't move for a moment.
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"Uwa, how scary." The man exclaimed form behind him. Other joined in the exclamations, "That must feel like a horrible hang over!", "At least you don't have a wife who would kill you for forgetting your wedding or something!" Someone piped up with an inventive 'what if'. Others started picking on Kakashi's bachelor ways after the mention of a wife.
Iruka's mind flashed to a new place that suddenly leeched the reason of why he was here from him.
He could feel his face drop as his thoughts travelled.
…
… Sakura.
…
"What's that face for?" Kakashi asked up, his tone a little rough like he didn't want pity.
Iruka took a moment to find his voice, especially for it to raise up over the other noises.
"You- You don't remember… you and Sakura…" He trailed off after barely being able to stutter those words, fearing the worse, but half-expecting Kakashi to say something like 'Of course, I remember that…' under his breath or something and prove Iruka wrong.
But the silver-haired man only kept staring at him as if he was waiting for the rest of that sentence, really unable to think of how it was supposed to be finished.
He couldn't believe this was happening.
Iruka shuffled on the spot, ready to leave this loud room at that moment, but had to bother himself with figuring out how to talk again and what to say.
"You and Sakura were… training." Iruka improvised.
"What, really?" Kakashi asked, interest flowing into his voice suddenly.
Iruka immediately felt awkward abut lying to this man about something this man had been lying to him about for weeks before he saw what he was hiding for himself.
"Um, yes. She was really happy about it." He added conversationally, already ready to make his way back through the crowd.
"I would've thought she learned everything she needed from Tsunade." Kakashi said mostly to himself, like nothing else in this room was as interesting as this subject.
"Yeah, well... excuse me." Iruka was already practically pushing his way through the people, forgetting manners while his mind was preoccupied on something much more important.
"Oi, Dolphin, where are you going?" He didn't even care when somebody called him by his old nickname. It sounded exactly like his real name except the tone.
He turned to the room, unsure who called for him.
"I need to go see someone."
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His fingers felt like cold daggers across my skin. His tongue was a worm slithering around my ear. I was weak again. I couldn't move an inch or tense a single muscle. I was lying against the wall, his pungent scent suffocating me. All my eyes could focus on was the gold chain along his face. His teeth bit down on my neck despite the fact I could still feel his tongue swiveling the cartilage of my ear.
I was trying to struggle. I felt sick. I was scared. But no one was here to save me. I couldn't fix myself. I couldn't fight back and now no one was here to help me. I felt weak and angry. I just wanted to collapse on the floor in a boneless heap and lay there for hours.
And worst of all, I wanted to cry. I wanted to let the dam break, to let tears run down my faces and my voice sob.
But I didn't.
Even in my dream I held back. I didn't know if that was a good thing.
I was distracted from the lips and teeth and fingers and the deepening disgust when I heard banging.
Knocking.
"Oh, good evening…" My mom's voice. She was talking to someone at the door. Someone she respected. "But I'm sorry. Sakura isn't feeling well tonight. I'll let her know you came by."
The door closed.
'Evening' 'Tonight'
Was it dark again already?
Still caught between nightmare and reality I wasn't sure what was part of the nightmare and what was reality. The balance seemed weird when I could lump a good segment of my reality right now in with the nightmare without it seeming out of place.
I tried to think back to the voice at the door. It had been too quiet. It must've been someone important.
Not Kakashi, though.
Of course not.
He wouldn't go to the front door.
…
Reality reached into my head for a sobering moment when I realized he would go to the front door now.
I didn't like that.
It made me feel sick again.
I closed my eyes again.
I fell back into another nightmare.
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"But I'm sorry. Sakura isn't feeling well tonight. I'll let her know you came by."
"I see." He answered, knowing exactly why she wasn't 'feeling well'.
Haruno-san closed the door after he bowed a little. He walked away from the doorstep, taking slow paces, still trying to catch his breath.
He ran the whole way here.
He stopped in his tracks when he realized he didn't want to leave it at this.
The more he thought about this the more he had to do something.
His heart seemed to tighten with anxiety and worry when he realized she must've spent the day in that room…
… with only her thoughts.
… without anyone to talk to.
She's all alone.
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His hands curled into fists.
He didn't care about breaking a few rules right now.
He needed to do something.
She needed something.
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It was like my last nightmare had intensified itself in punishment for me leaving it for a few seconds.
It was still Hiroki.
His hands felt just as violent as the night before. Everything about that night was coming back again.
The way my insides twisted and turned and knotted with every little movement of his touch.
Why couldn't this stop?
Hiroki was gone, imprisoned somewhere…
It was over!
Kakashi had saved me form that!
Why can't it just leave me alone!
I can't deal with this right now!
Tap tap.
Those two little sounds saved me from that nightmare. I didn't know where they came from, but I was grateful.
My eyes opened wearily.
I still felt sick.
I wanted to take a shower.
I felt like I was covered in grime.
Tap, tap… tap…
Those little sounds got quieter, less confident.
But they started to sound familiar. They reminded me of Kakashi…. but everything did.
Wait.
My head spun when I recognized the sound of someone tapping the door of my balcony.
For only a split second of insanity I could almost imagine Kakashi standing on the other side of that clear door, waiting for me, ready to apologize for this day of torture even though he didn't need to.
I pushed myself out of bed with more energy than I had shown all day.
My heart dropped but escalated a few inches when I saw Kakashi wasn't there…. I knew better than to believe he would be for more than a moment… but someone was there.
I walked up to the door a little slowly, inspecting the silhouette.
As soon as I was only a another step forward I recognized it.
Iruka-sensei?
I walked up to the door quickly, unlatched it, the glare left the glass and I saw him clearly.
He was breathing a little heavily, like he had just been running, his shoulder raised up a few inches as if his ears were cold.
He smiled down as me as if I wasn't a complete wreck right now.
Silence passed for a moment. He spoke up first, he voice shaking a little with his breathing.
"I'm sorry to disturb you like this," he started with more manners than necessary, "but…" He trailed off. His shoulders dropped. His smile weakened. "I just found out."
Silence.
"About Kakashi."
I couldn't say anything. My grip on the door handle tightened painfully, but my face still felt blank, my insides still felt twisted, but the constant dry ache in my throat was starting to build again.
"I'm sorry I didn't come see you earlier." His voice. He was really apologizing for something he didn't even have to do, like he really thought it was his duty.
I didn't know what to say.
I was still absorbing this.
This feeling.
…
He shuffled awkwardly for a moment, like he was cold.
"uh. Come in." I said without thinking. The hostess-training I had as a kid came back for a moment, as if since my brain was too preoccupied with this moment, my instincts took over.
He almost took a step, but stopped himself.
I blinked hard.
I needed to get back to reality.
"It's okay." I sounded more like myself… whoever 'myself' was.
I heard him take a breath as he walked by me, into the room, his hands still buried in his pockets.
I closed the door behind him, locking the cold out. I turned back to the room.
I didn't notice till now that I hadn't turned on any of the lights. I still couldn't find the energy to deal with that. I had to think about this a bit more.
His voice spoke up before I was ready.
"Are you alright?" He took a step forward. I looked up at him. He was still the same old Iruka-sensei. Tanned, gently awkward smile, the scar spread across the bridge of his nose.
But his words.
'Are you alright?'
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Are you alright?
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"Sakura?..." He sounded worried. The same tone he used to give me when I got a B on a test and he thought maybe I had trouble at home, or didn't understand the homework. The memory of the classroom was nice for a moment. A different world than this one.
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This world seemed so different now.
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It was one where I didn't feel like I belonged to anymore.
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My throat started closing up again.
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"Yes." I whispered without meaning to. I was still a horrible liar, wasn't I?
He looked at me with some confusion for a moment before realizing I was just answering his question.
His smile disappeared as his eyes revealed the sadness I hadn't seen in them earlier.
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How can he be so honest like that?
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I'd been trying so hard to keep that kind of sadness from changing me.
And he…
He just…
He knows.
He knows.
Even if I tried to hide everything, he already knew.
Today had been so slow, so fast, so painful… I was so…
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The secrets of my life had disappeared today, leaving the hollow lie I was living before.
Nobody knew though.
Nobody knew about what I lost.
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But he did.
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"Iru…" I started, the lump in my throat cutting me off. My breathing was getting a little labored. "Iruka-se…" My eyes were heavier than before. No…
I looked away from him.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't want him to see me cry.
This was the one thing I'd been holding onto all day.
It kept me 'alright'.
As long as I didn't cry, he wasn't gone.
As long as I didn't cry, I wasn't letting him down.
As long as I didn't cry, I wasn't that fourteen year old he could never fall in love with again.
I bit my lip. It hurt.
I could feel Iruka staring at me. I bit harder.
I felt his hand on my shoulder.
"Sakura." He sounded so worried. So gentle.
I needed more of it, but I didn't want it.
I needed to be stronger than this.
I took a breath, keeping my eyes on his eye-level vest that was starting to remind me so much of Kakashi.
"I-I'm okay." I started up, forcing myself to talk, hoping he couldn't hear how painful it sounded to me. "Thank you for checking on me Iruka-sensei. You can g-"
Before I could finish that excruciating sentence the hand on my shoulder tugged me closer.
My face fell lightly onto the comforting tough green fabric of his vest.
Arms not as heavy as I was used to wrapped around me.
I almost pushed him away.
I almost stopped him from holding me like this.
But my arms didn't work, they were pressed against his chest, limp.
Only my fingers seemed to be curling around the buckles of the familiar vest.
I stood there in shock for a moment, forgetting to breathe.
It was only a moment later when I felt his voice rumble through his chest in an almost-familiar way that made my heart twist.
"I'm sorry. I just…" He tried to find an excuse. His arms weakened from around me. He was going to let me go. I was going to be free.
No.
My arms worked again when I let them slide around him. His arms hesitated in response.
"J-Just a… minute longer."
I felt so weak.
I held onto him tighter.
He was thinner than I was used to. He was a little shorter, too. I didn't care.
I felt him tuck his chin on the top of my head.
"Of course." His voice rumbled lightly.
Thank you.
I couldn't say it.
I couldn't say anything.
I was biting my lip too hard. I had to stop myself from sobbing as I felt the tears run down my cheeks.
I felt so stupid.
But as I breathed in. The scent of the classroom, the books, the chalk, everything from the days before… all of this… I felt like… even if I wasn't in this world right now. I was in his, at least.
He knew who I was even if I couldn't figure it out underneath all the lies that suddenly became truths today.
He knew where I belonged, if only just for right now.
His arms tightened around me.
His heartbeat was faster than mine.
I was shaking. I could feel it.
I tried to stop, but it only got worse.
I tried to shut my eyes to stop the tears, but I couldn't.
I tried to stop the sobs but they still crept through.
"Sakura." His voice again, so gentle, "It's okay."
I accepted his permission to be weak before I could think.
My voice started shaking out with every breath into sobs I didn't know I was capable of.
His arms tightened around me with each one as if it was painful for him to hear.
If I can just be weak while no one was looking.
If I can just be weak right now, with only him here.
That was okay, right?
"It's okay." He repeated.
My hands gripped onto the familiar vest painfully.
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I'm so exhausted.
Next chapter will be out soon, though.