They entered the apartment in silence. Spencer kept stealing anxious glances at Sam – he was the adult, but this was definitely the Sam show. He felt as though he had no control over what was about to happen. It was evident that SOMETHING was.
"Sam," he started, "I think you really need to tell me what's going on."
"No Spencer, I think it's the other way around. " She looked at him as if it should be perfectly obvious what she meant.
He shrugged helplessly; "Sam, I don't know what you want me to say. "
She was visibly upset, and this declaration didn't make her any happier. She kept looking at him, expecting something, but he was at a loss.
"Spence, I really need to talk to you about something. I didn't WANT to, but I HAVE to. "
"Should I sit down?" he asked.
She shook her head. "Not down here; I don't want to be interrupted. Carly doesn't know anything about this and I don't want her to."
He was growing more anxious by the moment; this all sounded very serious. He gestured towards the stairs and they headed for the studio. That studio had seen its share of drama; he wondered what was in the next chapter.
Safely locked in, Sam advanced to stand in front of him. She drew a ragged breath and jumped in. "Tell me what you think you need from her."
"What?"
"Tell me Spencer; what do you think you need from her? I have to know, because I see you about to make a huge mistake and I can't let you. Do you need someone to listen? I'm all ears. Do you really need a model? Fine. Draw me." She grew louder as she continued. "I understand you're a 'grown up' guy; maybe you feel like you're not getting enough."
Spencer froze in shock as Sam started shedding clothing. There went the T shirt, closely followed by the layered tank. "Sam! What are you doing!"
"I guess this is your lucky day, because I can help you with that too." Her eyes teared up, but the diatribe continued. "It should show you how much I care about you that I will go to these lengths to keep you from walking off the cliff. So whatever it is you think you need her for, you're going to tell me right now. Whatever it is, you're going to get from me. " The tears spilled over. "You won't be taking anything from me that I wouldn't willingly give you anyway. That's not true of her. She's not free Spencer."
Thankfully she hadn't removed any more clothing; he was still rooted to the spot in disbelief. He wasn't sure he'd even processed what she just said to him.
"What did she tell you? That she's getting divorced? She has a BABY Spencer – did she tell you that? He's not even two years old! They came into the shop the other day – her husband and the baby. He was so sweet Spencer – big brown eyes and pudgy arms wrapped around his daddy's neck. " Her voice shook as she continued. "I had a daddy once Spence. He said he was coming back, but he didn't. Because he couldn't. Because my MOTHER and her flavor of the month club broke his heart. So my daddy left me. "
She was still crying. "If that baby's daddy leaves him, it is NOT going to be because of you. I won't let it. I love you too much, and that baby needs his daddy."
He sank down to the floor in a daze. Among other things, Sam just said she loved him. "Sam, she said she's separated…"
"She LIED Spencer," Sam screamed. "That's what she DOES. She can see what kind of man you are; you care about people. Maybe she really is lonely; I don't know. But there's someone else she should be having that conversation with. Not you! So I'm asking you again to tell me, what do you need from her?"
Spencer closed his eyes and lay back on the floor. What he wanted to say – what he NEEDED to say was probably not the most "appropriate" or "responsible" answer. If stated truthfully, it would inevitably lead to a conversation that he should not be having. That conversation in turn would undoubtedly complicate his life regardless of the direction it ultimately took. In a way, he was actually afraid to answer – not only afraid of her reaction, but afraid of what his answer said about himself. However, he had never been a good liar. If he replied with something other than the truth, there was an excellent chance that she would see right through it anyway. He sighed and prepared to walk the plank.
"I needed a distraction. From you," he replied quietly.
Sam fell silent – it was her turn to stare. "What do you mean?" she whispered.
"I mean what I said. I was trying to get you out of my head. Quite honestly, it hasn't worked very well."
"You never told me-"
"Of COURSE I didn't tell you. How could I? It's really been very disturbing to me. I look at you and I just get these – visions, how I would draw you, or sculpt you, or paint you. " He glanced at her, still standing in front of him in a lace bra and jeans. They were unbuttoned. "Like now," he admitted miserably. "I can see the painting in my head – you're a mermaid. Some of them have been…inappropriate. Actually, a lot of them have been inappropriate. I was just trying to stop Sam; it's not like I'm in love with her. I didn't know about the baby, and I had no reason to disbelieve her when she said –"
"I know. You always think the best of people. I never learned to do that. It's one of the things I love about you." She sat down beside him, almost vibrating with the churned up emotions she was channeling.
"I still have to get you out of my head Sam."
She didn't reply at once, but when she did, she asked in a very small voice "why?"
"Why? I think that should be obvious." He sat up and rested his head in his hands. " I can't think of too many people who would approve of my involvement with you, at least, not at this point in your life. "
"Who says anyone else has to approve? Whose life is it anyway? Not theirs! " Fiercely she went on, "you know Spence, I've pretty much been spending my life coloring outside the lines. A lot of people would say you're not the most conventional person either, even though you're much better at coloring. I frankly 'don't give a damn' whether anyone else thinks this is a good idea, but I care very much whether you do."
He spoke cautiously – she was clearly wound tight and could spring at any moment. "Sam, do you realize how far outside the realm of possibility this is?"
"No, actually I don't. For starters, no one can say anything against you. It's not like you've been pursuing me against my will. You haven't been 'pursuing' me at all. And who is there to complain? Me? I don't think so. My mother? That's a laugh. I told you about her flavor of the month club." Her voice was almost bitter when she continued, "you know what? She was so sure I would be just like her that's she's had me on birth control since the day I turned fourteen. In fact, she would probably be delighted for you to take me off her hands."
Her eyes glittered and the raw emotion rolled out from her in waves. He thought she had never looked more beautiful – or more vulnerable. "Sam, do you think you could possibly get dressed?"
Sam studied him, considering her reply. They had reached a critical junction – whatever the reasons, Spencer was weak in this moment. She could sense the possibility hovering around them. The opportunity was there for the taking – if she let it pass, she might never get another. She was torn -although she'd told April that she played to win, she didn't really want to "play" Spencer at all. She desperately wanted him to choose her of his own accord, not because he was manipulated into it. But when all was said and done, she DID want to win. She'd never believed she would ever get this chance - now here it was. It was a no-brainer really. The only question – how hard did she need to push? All this emotional energy had to go somewhere… and sometimes you had to make your own luck. "I could…" she allowed, just before she climbed into his lap and kissed him. "But I don't think I want to..."
There was no thinking – thinking just made his head hurt. Because there was no thinking, there was no thought of stopping her. There was only feeling. He felt completely attuned to Sam, alive in that moment when imagination and reality merged. The plethora of visions coalesced into just one - Sam in his arms. She belonged there. From the moment he acknowledged her hold on him, the path was set – hers to lead and his to follow. He let her take him where she wanted to go. Spencer wanted only what Sam wanted, and from the very bottom of her heart, Sam wanted only to be loved.