Chapter 70!
Title: 'Idiots and Ideas: Part 1'
Note: Ok, you guys got it. Here's the next TWO chapters!
Seriously, you guys deserve it, I got so many reviews in one day that I sat down for 13 hours (almost straight) to write these chapters for you guys.
Yeah, 13 hours.
… Whew…
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
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Carrying a few boxes of gauze he approached the bedroom door, about ready to knock before opening it, but it was already open. He walked into the doorway quietly.
He was ready to try and make this a professional environment, following his self-given advice from before, but he lost most of his reasoning when he saw her.
He stopped in the doorway, not saying anything.
He almost needed to walk back out again, just to give himself a moment to process.
He didn't know what it was.
Was it the fact she was wearing his shirt? Or was it how it looked on her, how the sleeves were too long, the collar too loose, or how messy her hair was?
Or was it just that… for a moment… when he saw her like that… it almost seemed… natural.
Not that it was only natural for her to wear his shirt, but that it seemed natural for her to be in his life like this.
…
This closeness.
It was a strange feeling, but it was enough to throw away every shred of conviction he had to keep his thoughts professional when it was suddenly impossible not to think she was incredibly… cute.
…
But his thoughts turned to a considerable less frivolous place when she turned to him and he saw the picture she had been looking at.
A very old, very deep, kind of pain came back for a moment.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … …
As soon as I turned around there were several feelings that bombarded my previously solemn thoughts.
Seeing him there, not realizing he was there, I felt a little surprised, but mostly embarrassed. I had planned on setting the picture down before he got back so it wouldn't look like I was snooping at his personal things. That plan was broken to pieces now.
And, to turn around and see him leaning against the door jamb like that, my heart seemed to bounce happily in the same moment it was flattened with the surprise embarrassment… The way he was standing reminded me of Kakashi. The way he always spent a few moments looking at me before actually walking into a room, but the embarrassment not only came from holding the picture but realizing that he had been looking at me. Me, the one wearing his shirt and looking like an idiot in it.
I suddenly wished I could hear his thoughts for a moment.
He must've wanted to either laugh at me or wash this shirt later…
I knew he wouldn't really think of that last one, but… at this point, I always suspected the worst.
And then, without realizing, I had been so lost in these thoughts and with staring at him that I missed the fact he had said something to me.
He was walking into the room when I spoke up stupidly, "What?"
He smiled politely for a moment behind his mask, his eyes on the picture in my hand.
He set down the bandages on the desk and held out his hand for it, I hurriedly handed it back to him, he didn't seem to mind my awkwardness.
But even I forgot about being awkward when I heard him repeat those words I had missed before.
"I still miss them from time to time…"
…
He looked at the picture with narrowed, gentle eyes. He looked like he was suddenly in a far off place.
He grazed his fingertips along the glass… his touch stayed on the face of the goggled boy for longer than a second.
I just stood there, unable to think about anything except him right now.
If this had been a week ago I knew what I would've done.
I would've wanted to distract him from whatever pain he must've been feeling right now.
I would've walked up to him, let my head rest on the back his shoulders as I wrapped my arms around his chest.
I could even tell what he probably would've done.
He would've set the picture down gently, unhook my arms from around him so that he could see my face.
He would've kissed me, if only just show me that despite painful memories he was happy now.
With me.
…
But neither of us did any of that.
I just stood there.
Watching the pain in his expression loosen its hold only slightly as he started to put it back.
I couldn't touch him, I couldn't feel him, or kiss him.
I had nothing to do or say to comfort him.
I didn't have the right to.
I didn't know what he was going through in that moment.
If words were all I had, I didn't have any I knew would help right now.
I felt so normal.
My parents were alive. My childhood friends were alive. My first crush hadn't gone as I had planned, but considering who I shared my first kiss with despite my young daydreams about Sasuke, I couldn't really care. What I was going through now was worse than anything else I knew before… I lost someone, but he isn't dead… he isn't gone… He's standing right here, warm and tall and strong.
I still had hope.
But he… he's lost everyone.
His family, his friends, his team, and more than likely his first crush.
I looked at the girl in the photo with purple marks on her cheeks, wondering if the young Kakashi-sensei standing beside her had felt what I had for my own teammate before he abandoned us. It seemed like it really must have been such a long time ago for it to be so easy for Kakashi-sensei to set down the picture and walk away so easily.
I suddenly felt really young.
Like I didn't know anything.
I didn't know anything about pain.
Not the kind of pain he knew.
Losing me probably wouldn't crush him as easily as it had me when I 'lost' him.
…
That last thought was a lot tougher to deal with than I thought it would be.
…
I noticed a little late that he was walking up to me.
I suddenly felt pressure to say something.
"Um, I can… I can probably start treating you now."
I sounded like such an idiot.
But it was a start.
… … … … … … … … … …
They were already on the couch after that strange moment in his room.
She seemed unsettled.
"Um, I can… I can probably start treating you now." She was tripping over her words back then.
Like something was bothering her.
Even as she sat here, unpacking the little gauze squares and tape, she seemed bothered by something.
He had probably done something wrong.
He nearly laughed at himself when that thought came up.
Of course he did. This whole day he hasn't been able to keep himself from doing the wrong things.
He was surprised she wasn't treating him like he was crazy already.
He watched her set out the little items with such intense care, unable to bring himself to look away.
She turned to him, looking very serious, and rolled up the sleeves of the shirt she was wearing.
With every passing moment and thought it was getting more and more difficult to keep himself from doing something unforgivable.
He had no idea what he would do, but he knew it wasn't something he should.
He wanted to sigh.
Something in his head was really screwed up wasn't it?
He had no control whatsoever over his thoughts for her... he really wasn't used to having no control.
He was too lost in his thoughts of her, and his worries for his mental health, to notice when she leaned forward, reaching for his arm.
He was about to pull up his sleeve for her, but she got there first.
Her fingers rolled up the fabric of his sleeves a little higher, as high as they could go and it was only a few seconds before her hand fell on his arm.
Despite his efforts, he could only notice how soft her skin was.
Even as the green hum started up, he couldn't even feel the pain of the wounds closing up again, he was too distracted by her.
This wasn't a good idea.
I should've just sent her home.
What am I thinking?...
He had to break the silence to distract himself from her.
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I tried my best not to touch him too much, but I knew I didn't have to press my whole hand on his arm…
God, I felt like some sort of creep.
I didn't have to think about that too long when I heard his voice.
"Tsunade said I needed to catch up on what happened during the past missions." I felt my heart pick up, I knew what he was going to ask me, but I hoped he wouldn't, "How did the last mission go?"
The question sounded so simple, so harmless, but just trying to come up with an answer was enough to make the green hum under my hands waver slightly.
After only a second I knew I had to say something, so I just started with the basics.
"It was an undercover mission." I started quietly, I could feel his eyes on me.
"We, uh, we all signed into an onsen as normal people and we just had to collect information on a yakuza family…" I summarized badly. "We got the information eventually, but we were discovered by…" I couldn't say his name, but I had to.
"An exile-ninja… Hiroki, knew about us." I tried not to sound so obvious, but I did anyway, it was hard to ignore the way my skin crawled when I said that man's name, "He turned us in… You had to fight with him. He used chemical treated weapons, you overdosed, and this… this is what happened…"
A moment of silence passed.
I moved the green hum to another cut just before the previous one was healed all the way. It was a common practice to keep from healing wounds all the way, if you rush wounds to heal completely too fast, it'll leave a scar.
I waited for him to say something, maybe ask about the mission before that, but I didn't expect the question I got.
"His name was Hiroki?"
…
What did that have anything to do with anything?
I looked up at him, my mental question plain on my face.
I suddenly realized why he was asking that when I saw that he had been looking at my neck. The loose collar left the bite marks unhidden. I quickly pulled at the shirt to make it cover more of my neck.
I had forgotten that I actually told Kakashi the name of the man who left these yesterday.
I suddenly felt that sick sensation inside of me grow as I realized he hadn't forgotten about… about what Hiroki did to me…
It hadn't been much… but… it was way too much.
I found my voice after a second.
"Yeah… he… uh… he 's the one that…" I couldn't find words, my throat was closing up. I went quiet without meaning to, focusing too hard on the way my stomach felt heavier and heavier with every moment I thought about that man.
…
"Did I kill him?"
His voice sounded so simple when he said that.
I almost wanted to laugh, but I couldn't.
It was nice to know Kakashi-sensei was more protective of me than I thought he was. I had thought he would've just… he would've cared, but he wouldn't say something like that…
I smiled as best as I could before speaking up, "No… But you wanted to…"
"What stopped me?" He actually sounded genuinely curious.
I took a moment to stop myself from answering truthfully, 'You were too distracted by me that night to waste time with him…'
"The regional police got there sooner than expected." I lied.
They actually got there way too late. If they had showed up before your fight... we wouldn't be having this conversation.
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Everything went quiet for a few minutes after that.
He tried not to think about what Hiroki had done, but more about how it must have felt like to cripple him.
But still, something about her explanation seemed to be… missing.
Something told him she wasn't telling him everything.
Then again, how could she know everything about what he was up to during the mission?
Even he couldn't really predict what he would've done in the circumstances, he wasn't a predictable person, he was secretive, too.
The only thing he knew had happened recently was some sort of rendezvous with a woman who left the mark on his neck, he didn't know anything else.
And as if just to prove him wrong, his brain decided to remember something recent he couldn't believe he'd forgotten.
"You were smiling all the time and made us dress up really weird, and when we went undercover you even said Sakura was your fiancé-."
Naruto's words came back to him with a shock.
Fiancee?
He looked down to the girl in front of him.
Why would I do that?
What would that have accomplished?
He asked himself seriously, trying to ignore the immature kind of happiness the idea of calling her his fiancée for a few days gave him.
And then an answer came to mind, one that he didn't know if he liked or not.
Did I feel like this for her before, too?
The thought resonated inside his mind dangerously.
He suddenly felt worry fill his thoughts instead.
How long have I felt like this for her?
Why would I go so far as to make her go undercover as my fiancée?
Had I actually turned into some kind of creep that I would play games with her like that without caring how she felt?
He really didn't like that.
He needed to make sure the past-him hadn't scared her or come on too strongly.
Having to worry about that at all scared him more than anything.
But what was even scarier was what he realized just before letting himself speak.
Why hadn't she mentioned the fiancée cover?
…
Did she feel so uncomfortable with it that she didn't want to bring it up?
…
He suddenly felt nervous.
Everything about this moment was so foreign to him, all these thoughts and worries, he never used to let himself get so worked up or nervous over anything before, but right now… he must have not been himself… or too much himself….
He was really beginning to doubt he could even pretend to be the teacher this girl knew and needed anymore. Ever since he saw her again this afternoon he's fallen over himself and broken too many of his own rules before he could help it.
Everything about this was so upside-down for him, but he couldn't let it go.
He needed to say something.
He needed to apologize.
But his attempts at piecing a sentence together were interrupted when she spoke up, her voice soft.
"Um, I need to get to the ones on your shoulders."
…
What?
She gave him an apologetic look that seemed to be mixed with embarrassment and he realized what he was supposed to do.
"Alright." He said as coolly as he could.
But as he was pulling the fabric of his overshirt over his head, he could only feel his heart beating and the strange feeling that this was not only inappropriate but…
…
Familiar.
…
He couldn't make any sense of that so he tried to distract himself with his previous worries.
…
The fiancé-cover.
…
He needed to apologize or something, right?...
…
All he knew for sure right now, as he sat there in his sleeveless undershirt, was that he felt awkward... with something like anticipation mixing into it.
He set down his shirt on the table in front of them and directed his left shoulder to her.
His pulse jumped against his will when she touched him again.
…
And now that this situation had turned into this melting pot of internal awkwardness, confusion, worry, and anticipation, he couldn't see how asking the next question could make things that much worse.
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He started to pull up his shirt after a moment.
He didn't seem to expect this. But he seemed so… normal.
Like this wasn't strange or inappropriate.
I guess it wasn't to him.
He placed the shirt on the table and I did my best not to pay attention to how tightly his undershirt clung to his muscles, like his undershirts always did. Even when I was young and I'd see him in the hospital wearing only his undershirt I thought it was a little inappropriate for him to display so many details about his body like that.
My opinion about that changed when my opinion for his body did…
But that wasn't the case anymore.
I was supposed to think like I used to, not like that.
I'm not supposed to think he's attractive.
I'm not supposed to remember how much I loved seeing him like this.
And as he directed his left shoulder to me, I definitely wasn't supposed to want to reach out and trace the ink pattern of his tattoo one last time like I really really wanted to right now.
I focused on the gash on his shoulder, instead, speeding up the cellular process as gently as I could, giving it much more attention than necessary to keep my mind off of other things.
That didn't work anymore after he broke the silence.
"Naruto said something about our undercover roles…" My stomach froze. "He said I called you my fiancée."
I wanted to punch Naruto again.
"Why?" He asked.
…
How can he just ask that so simply?
I knew it was probably because he couldn't imagine the real reason why, but I didn't appreciate having to answer that.
I had to take a long moment to overlook my frustration and try to come up with some sort of lie.
I even remembered the conversation we had had about this before, even he said that there was no plausible angle for making me his fake-fiancée.
So how was I supposed to come up with one now!
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She hesitated, he thought he knew why.
He sighed.
I was such an idiot.
It was all he could tell himself before he spoke again with the apology he thought he owed her.
"I'm sorry if anything I did made you feel uncomfortable."
Just as he finished those words she looked up at him suddenly, as if she hadn't expected that at all.
She was quiet for a moment, like she had to think through something. She looked back to the green glow on his shoulder, he had forgotten about the pain already, he was too focused on her.
"It wasn't… I wasn't… uncomfortable with it." Her voice was quiet when she said that.
He didn't know if he could believe that, but he hoped he could.
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He sighed heavily as he arched his back, stretching it out after hours of hunching over test papers and lesson plans.
Working always helped him forget about other issues in his life, but it wasn't working right now.
He rubbed the scarred bridge of his nose between his fingers tiredly.
He felt a little twinge of pain on his knuckle.
He hadn't noticed until then that a mean-looking blood-bruise had been forming in the hours that have passed since his 'discussion' with Kuroke.
Even the memory of that man was enough to make Iruka drop his pen on the table with irritation and lean all the way back in his wooden chair, rubbing his eyes as he titled his head upward.
He was so tired.
It was getting late.
He couldn't stay here forever.
He had to get home.
He didn't want to think about what his mind would do to him once he was alone and without work.
He sighed again, dropping his arms to his sides while still staring up at the wooden ceiling.
He really needed to see Sakura about this.
To let her know he can't be around her for a little while. To let her know, before she finds out in some sort of cruel way, about these rumors.
A moment of cold anxiety ran through him as he wondered whether or not she already knew.
He hoped not.
… but he couldn't know for sure.
He had to go and see her before she heard about the rumors from anybody else. And maybe, after having a few words with her, he could rest easier too.
He started packing up his things.
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I fumbled with the silence for a couple seconds, hating it.
I had to say something.
So I answered his question.
"Uh… we were undercover like that because… um, if we said we were a couple, we could book a suite that was directly adjacent to the mob boss's" I said finally, having constructed the shaky sentence after some thought.
After saying all that, I felt stupid. As per usual.
But after that passed I could only feel his eyes on me for a long moment before he spoke up.
"It was still inappropriate." He said bluntly. I recognized that tone of voice. It was exactly the same one he'd use every time he scolded himself for not holding back enough.
He didn't seem to be okay with it yet.
I guess he really didn't like the idea of having to pretend to be my fiancé…
I felt a little ticked by that.
"No. Everything was really professional." I lied the biggest lie I've said today with more conviction than necessary.
I knew I shouldn't feel this insulted but… after dealing with this man's antics about how much he 'couldn't help himself' from driving me insane as my 'fiance' during our stay at the onsen, to sit here and listen to him scold the situation like he couldn't find any enjoyment in it was a little disorientating.
But I moved on quickly after that.
I repositioned my hands, working on a new gash.
I found a new subject:
"Um, there was another mission I don't think you remember."
He looked over to me, he seemed ok with the subject change, so I continued. "We had to escort a boy, an heir of some sort of feudal family, to the Land of Earth."
I summarized vaguely, leaving out all the details that meant anything to me.
"How'd that one go?" He asked nonchalantly, "Was it anything like our first escorting mission." He joked a little. I thought it was a little funny to bring that up, but he really had no idea exactly how different it was from our battle with Zabuza and Haku.
I paid him a small smile anyways. "No, it was actually really simple." I said semi-truthfully, "But he was kind of a brat." I added lastly. I could still remember that little demon and his manipulative games. I still couldn't believe I had been stupid enough to fall for them, too.
But before I could rally together any more annoyance at the Koichi-demon or past-me, I was distracted by the sound of Kakashi-sensei's laugh. It was only a chuckle, but it was enough to to completely calm my nerves.
"What did he do?" He asked after he stopped chuckling.
My nerves fired again for a moment, anxiously. But I knew better to really tell him what Koichi had done to be the brat he was.
"He just thought he could boss everyone around and would run off when he wasn't supposed to." I improvised with a different side of the truth.
I moved my hands again, not even able to appreciate the opportunity to touch more of his shoulder now that I was busy making sure I didn't let anything weird slip into my words.
"There wasn't any trouble?" He asked conversationally.
Yeah, lots of it… but not the kind you're asking about.
"No, not really... except you kind of scared him, though. I think he probably still has nightmares about you." I answered instead.
I made him laugh again. And again, my own spirits were lifted a fraction. I was smiling now as I leaned over to the gauze and tape on the table, about to patch up a few of the almost-healed cuts on his arm.
"Did he deserve it?" He asked further.
"Yeah, he did, actually." I could answer the way I wanted to this time. This time I laughed a little.
I could still remember that kid's face after Kakashi came out of nowhere and threatened him.
Kakashi-sensei didn't know what I was laughing about, but he smiled at me. His smile was starting to look… familiar.
I didn't have enough time to think about that little observation before he spoke up again, "Anything else?"
Where to start?
That was the mission when we first spent the night with each other.
It was the first time I really got to see the human side of you.
It was the first time I got to see the jealous side of you.
It was the first time you lectured me about trusting you more without sounding like a teacher.
It was the first time somebody ever discovered us.
And it was the last time I ever cried in front of you.
I couldn't say any of those details though… so I just went with what I could, feeling a little lost in my thoughts and memories.
"Uh, we got to his family's estate and spent the night because of the Gan'U showers." I explained robotically.
I suddenly felt I shouldn't have told him that.
The Gan'U rock showers actually had actually become a sweet memory for me.
And he seemed to pick up on the subject, too.
"Really?" He asked, looking over to me now. I was careful not to look at him, "I've only seen it once before." He went on. "It's not the best weather to get caught in, but I always liked the mythology surrounding it."
Yeah, I know.
I was actually kind of surprised.
I didn't know back then just how sentimental you could be.
I knew I couldn't say that… but… I didn't brush the subject aside too quickly.
"What mythology?" I tested him.
I had no idea why I asked him like that… but… I guess I just wanted to hear him say it. Just to hear him say it again.
A long moment passed as I waited for his words, not looking at him though.
"Sakura…"
My name.
God, every time he says my name my heart goes crazy.
Stop it!
I commanded my heart just before I looked up to him, "Yes?"
My eyes found his, but they weren't looking at mine. They were looking downward.
What could he want to say to me now?
Why did he say my name like that?
My heart only grew louder with those thoughts.
That was when I saw his hand move only slightly, I looked down at it. His fingers were so close to me, but they were pointing to something else. I hadn't noticed till now that my necklace was out of my shirt now, the ring hanging in front of my chest as I leaned over to him.
His fingertips almost touched the ring.
I hunched away from him a little.
I didn't know what to say.
I couldn't think.
"Um, it's just…" I couldn't explain it fast enough.
He looked up to my face.
I couldn't think.
He was about to say something but I accidentally interrupted him with my voice. I didn't say a word, it was just a sound that came out of me when I suddenly felt a twinge of pain inside of my fingers.
"You okay?" He suddenly seemed to forget about my necklace, he turned to me a little, his other hand raising up like he was about to touch me, to make sure I was okay, he didn't though.
I focused on the pain, I recognized it.
I could feel the focus of my chakra start dissipating slowly.
I was getting tired.
I tried harder, but I couldn't seem to control the chakra points in my hands very well, or any points… I must still be recovering from the toxin.
I gave a huff of frustration after another moment.
He was still staring at me… almost worried.
"Sorry. I think that's all I can do today." I said with obvious disappointment, I didn't know whether it over this or this little conversation we were having. I let my hands fall from his shoulder, they were shaking a little. I really had no idea how exhausted I was till that moment.
I felt my frustration with myself grow.
"You should probably get another medic-nin." I didn't mean it, but it was true. What's the use of a medic-nin that can't heal?
I turned away from him a little, rubbing my hands together worriedly.
I heard him take a little breath as he leaned closer to my side, like he was trying to make me look at him.
"I don't want another one." His voice surprised me. I looked back to him now, he was smiling behind his mask. It was almost the same old smile Kakashi-sensei gave us… but I could see a real smile in it, too… like he was trying to hide it.
It was a simple sentence… but… the way he said it.
…
No, I couldn't get my hopes up.
I decided to ignore it.
"Then it might take a while for you to get better." I said a little sourly to myself, still embarrassed that I couldn't actually heal him now that my chakra was being stupid. Or was I embarrassed by something else?
"I don't mind."
Again, he sounded way too understanding.
That hurt more than my irritation with myself.
I didn't want him to be so nice to me if he….
I knew I should've been grateful… but… it just hurt.
And now that I really had no right to be here, now that my powers were all used up for today, I felt like I was just being some kind of nuisance. I knew he didn't think I was one, though.
I stood up from the couch, already ready to leave. He stood up, too.
"You should." My words almost had a bite. I wished I hadn't said it like that. I wanted to say something else to cover that rudeness up, "Tsunade-sama won't be too happy if it takes too long for you to get back… on your feet." I almost said 'get back your memories'.I was even starting to even lose my focus with my words now.
I started to make my way to the door. I heard him following behind me.
But, instead of losing my focus due to irritation, I suddenly lost almost all my focus when I noticed just how after a single sentence he could cure any scrap of irritation:
"Then can you come back tomorrow?"
I stopped in my tracks, halfway down the hallway; I turned around to look at him. I couldn't really say anything.
… I mean… it wasn't a big deal… but… the way he said that.
I had heard that voice so many times.
It was the same tone he'd use whenever he'd tell me 'Come back in the morning', 'Meet me at the bridge'… His voice had only been that soft, that kind, that loving, when we had been together… I almost asked him to repeat that sentence once more just to make sure I wasn't going insane, but I didn't.
Instead I just wanted to make sure he wasn't just joking around or something.
I knew he wasn't, not with the way he was looking down at me, the look in his eyes was a little too familiar, too.
I must've been going crazy.
"I-Is that okay?" I stuttered.
He chuckled at me.
Like he always used to.
My heart started to hurt.
"I want you to."
…
I couldn't…
I couldn't really think through those words.
… This wasn't Kakashi-sensei.
How could it be?
Kakashi-sensei never treated me like this.
He never looked at me like this.
He never spoke to me like this.
He never treated me like this.
…
He can't…
He can't remember anything, can he?
…
That's impossible, right?
…
He walked ahead of me, to the door.
"If you feel up to it, of course." He offered as he opened the door.
I was in something like a trance right now.
I nodded politely, but I didn't say anything for a long moment as I slipped my feet into my sandals, buckling them in only a few seconds.
I walked through the open door, not even caring how cold it was.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" He asked down to me just as I turned around to him.
"Huh?" Real words were not an option at this moment.
He chuckled again.
Again, I felt like this man was the Kakashi I had been in a relationship with only a few days earlier.
I told myself he wasn't.
But that didn't help me figure out his question.
"Did you want me to hang onto your clothes until tomorrow?" He joked a little.
"Oh!" I finally understood. "Uh…" I didn't say anything for a long moment.
His smile widened after a moment, like he got a good idea or something.
"If you come back tomorrow, you can have them back." He smiled brightly even behind his mask as he finished that sentence that sounded nothing like Kakashi-sensei.
… He sounded so playful.
… It almost sounded like he was making a joke about holding my clothes as ransom to make sure I come back tomorrow.
Kakashi-sensei would've just gone back, picked up by clothes, and brought them back to me right here and sent me on my way.
Why was he acting so… casual?
Why?
This was so confusing.
"Ok." I agreed quietly. He seemed a little shocked by that.
"Ok?" He asked me my own word like he was making sure I didn't say it on accident.
"Yeah." I smiled a little, breaking out of my trance. "I'll come back tomorrow for them." I repeated his condition back to him, agreeing to it.
He laughed a little at me and probably how weird I was acting.
I wanted to tell him he was the one actin weird.
Or was it both of us?
He gave me one last smile before it looked like he was going to start closing the door. "Until then." He said lastly. The last time I heard him say that it was the same night we kissed for the first time.
That was enough to wake me up completely.
I couldn't let this end like that.
I spoke up before I actually figured out if it was okay to do this or not.
"Kakashi."
…
The split second it took for him to hear that was too long of a wait for me.
I suddenly felt so nervous.
"What?" He asked.
I didn't know what I was expecting by calling him 'Kakashi'… but he didn't seem to mind… or notice.
I had to think of something to say.
"I…I'll try to do more tomorrow." I spoke up, finally giving him an answer, even if it sounded stupid.
And just like that, he smiled again, but this time I recognized it as the smile.
The smile he wouldn't show anyone else.
My heart started pounding.
I had no idea what this meant but… but…
… It meant something…
"I'll see you tomorrow, Sakura." His voice was soft again.
He closed the door after saying my name, I'm glad he did because if he hadn't he would've seen this stupid look on my face.
I didn't know whether to be happy that some part of Kakashi seemed to be coming back, to be sad that even if he is acting more like the man who loved me he didn't seem to have any sort of interest in me this time, or just confused by what the hell just happened not only between us, but inside my brain where I could just let this golden opportunity to talk to him, to learn more about how he was feeling or remembering slip through my fingers like that.
…
But I guess I had tomorrow to talk to him, didn't I?
…
I left the apartment complex with a smile on my face.
Even if I was confused… I still felt… hopeful.
… …. … .. … ..
He closed the door, smiling.
...
"Kakashi."
He loved the way it sounded when she said only his name like that.
...
He was already looking forward to tomorrow.
He knew that he really shouldn't have treated her so casually just then… but much like everything else he's done today around her, he couldn't help it.
He walked down the hallway, to the main room.
It really was like there was a part of him that took over the reins of his judgment every time she was around.
And because now, now that she's gone, he could feel the guilt and embarrassment sink in.
… He really shouldn't have treated her like that.
… But apparently, he's already been treating her like this for a while.
Why else would he have made her go undercover as his fiancee?
He could've made Naruto or Sai her 'fiance'.
He walked into his room, lost in thought.
… Why did he, the one person in the team who looked like the most ill-matched for her, make himself her 'fiance'?
…
He must've had these feelings for her for a long time.
…
He didn't know how to feel about that.
…
He felt creepier because of it… but also relieved.
Knowing that he's felt these feelings for her for longer than these past few days seemed to assure him that he wasn't suffering from brain damage, or that he hadn't suddenly lived up to his perverted reputation on an emotional whim.
He looked over to his desk.
The pink and red pieces of fabric were still folded neatly on the edge of the table.
What he hadn't anticipated was that the drenched clothes would perfume the room with her scent in the time they had been sitting there.
He took a breath and exhaled with a sigh.
…
I really am hopeless for her, aren't I?
He asked himself mentally.
…
He already knew the answer.
He laughed at himself.
… … … … … .. … … … … … .. …
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Next chapter!