Sam was never so happy to see a Monday dawn. Monday meant Carly and Freddie would return to the library and she could be assured of at least two hours of uninterrupted time with Spencer. She'd been climbing the walls, unable to speak freely and unable to touch him. It was maddening to have him so close yet be unable to interact with him in any meaningful way. She'd lost count of the number of times she'd had to literally bite her tongue to keep from saying something that would give them away. What good was it to say she was keeping him to herself, when in fact she'd had none of his time at all?

She drifted through the school day and flew out of her seat as soon as the last bell rang, failing even to say goodbye to Carly or Freddie in her mad dash for the door. Freddie shot an inquiring look Carly's way, but she just shrugged. "No idea. Maybe T Bo has barbecue on a stick today. "

Freddie shook his head and sighed. "Why is it that we work our fingers to the bone and Princess Puckett gets to feast on barbecue?"

"It's the way of the world Freddie. " She gave a sigh of her own. "Let's get to it; I think my pile of books multiplies when I'm not looking."

"That puny pile? You call that a stack?" he teased as they headed out the door. She punched him good-naturedly in the shoulder.

"If you were a girl, I'd call you Goody Two Shoes!"

"Yeah, well I'm not, so you'll have to call me something else. Like…ummm…I know! The Highbrowed Heart Throb!"

Carly clapped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "Someone has been paying far too much attention to the notes left on our site by various and sundry silly gooses."

"Geese, " he corrected her automatically. "Silly geese. I mean – wait a minute! Who said they're silly?"

"And I know it's geese. Gooses just sounds so much better!"

"Fine, whatever," he grumbled as they stepped onto the bus.

Carly nodded in satisfaction. If she got the last word, it was only her due.

o O o

Spencer looked up from his drawing when he heard the door. Today he was working on a whimsical picture of Sam blowing bubbles, inspired by the kiss she'd sent his way at the park. He thought it was quite fetching, capturing a side of her that people seldom saw. Plus, he especially liked it because it was one of the series of drawings of Sam as herself. He started to ask her opinion of the work in progress but Sam had other ideas.

It was, he thought, an exceedingly good thing that he watched Celebrities Underwater on a regular basis. The host frequently gave advice on how best to hold one's breath for extended periods of time. This was going to become a critical skill – not only did she take his breath away in a figurative sense, she was quite adept at doing so literally as well.

"I missed you!" she whispered, holding him tightly. "I missed you terribly, even though you were here all along."

"I know Sam. I missed you too," he answered honestly.

"Can I stay home from school tomorrow? I'm feeling exceedingly deprived of your time and attention and tomorrow – "

"Is your birthday," he finished for her. He was frankly surprised that she'd even bothered to ask permission. Sam did what Sam wanted. He wasn't sure what significance he should attribute to the fact that she'd asked HIM. Was this just an extension of their co-conspirator mentality? Was she seeking his blessing on her typical Sam delinquency? She really had no regard for her mother's authority – was she declaring an intention to accept his? Or maybe it was simply what it appeared to be – her desire to spend her birthday with him.

He smiled and shook his head. "You're not going to trip me up with that one Sam. For the record, I cannot sanction an unauthorized absence from school. Off the record… if you happen to miss the bus in the morning, well, I've been misplacing my keys a lot lately. I might not be able to find them to give you a ride."

The delighted smile reached her eyes and sparkled back at him. "I might make a rebel of you yet Spence."

He had to laugh. "You think?"

"Oh, that's right. I've already done that." Her tone was saucy but her expression was soft, and when she entwined their fingers and tugged him towards the stairs, he followed without a word.

o O o

Spencer was certain there could be no more beautiful creature in the entire universe than the one currently lying sated in his bed. He'd truly meant to do things differently the second time around, but Sam approached lovemaking in the same way she approached everything else – head on, in charge and taking no prisoners. He had no will to oppose her. Only now as she snuggled against him could he begin to feel her tension ease. This was one of the things he would have to change – it wouldn't be easy. He felt like this wasn't just Sam being assertive. It was an insurance policy – the "you know you want me, look what I can do – you don't want to let me go" statement. Of course, he did want her, had experienced firsthand what she could do, and had no plans to let her go as long as this is where she wanted to be. But it wasn't the image he wanted her to have of herself and he couldn't allow her to make it the cornerstone of a relationship with him. Pam Puckett cast a long shadow.

He brushed a tangle of curls away from her face and kissed her gently. "Sam, the siren song needs to stop ok?"

She stiffened in his arms. "What do you mean?"

"You don't have to try so hard to hang on to me this way. I'm not going anywhere Sam; I promise. I told you that we have to work at this; that means working on building a real relationship based on real feelings - "

She pulled away from him, cutting him off before he could finish his thought. "Are you saying this isn't REAL Spencer? Didn't we already talk about this? Didn't I tell you that I CHOSE you and I would do it again? So because I did, you're questioning my motivation. Am I not making you happy?"

Ok, perhaps he could have selected a better time to have this conversation. It was rather difficult to diplomatically say 'it shouldn't be all about the sex,' under the circumstances."Sam," he said in his calmest voice, "please don't put words in my mouth. You're most assuredly not making me UNhappy. I'm just trying to tell you that it's important to me that we can relate to each other on other levels. Sweetheart, don't misunderstand, you're sending me to some higher plane of existence -but ALL of you needs to be there with me. "

Sam settled back against him, resting her head on his chest. "You think I don't know," she said softly. "But you're wrong. I do. You only know the story from the outside looking in, but I – I know it from the inside looking out."

"What story is that?"

She closed her eyes, listening to the steady beat of his heart. "It goes like this. Once upon a time there was a little girl whose Daddy left her and whose mother was so busy with her boy toys that she hardly noticed the little girl at all. The girl thought there must be something wrong with her. Maybe she wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or well behaved enough for her Daddy to stay or her Mommy to notice her. So she tried very hard to be pretty and smart and well behaved. She went to beauty pageants and won awards, but still her Daddy didn't come back. Still her mother didn't notice her. Or if she did, it was only long enough to tell the girl that she would never be as pretty or as smart or as well behaved as her sister. 'OK,' the little girl thought. 'Trying to be good is not working.' So she tried other things. Impulsive and wild and sometimes even dangerous things, because she thought that surely THEN someone would pay attention. "

Spencer was still, hearing her words but feeling the memories run through her as she rested in his arms.

"The little girl grew into a bigger girl. Her mother didn't compare her to her sister as often anymore. Instead, she looked at the girl and said 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.' How many other people looked at her and said the same thing? So maybe the girl believed it too, and she knew that she was broken. But all is not lost, because once upon a time there was also a man. Maybe he had x-ray vision, because when HE looked at the girl, he didn't just see an apple. He looked at the girl and saw the shapes of all the people she could be. And when she was impulsive and wild and dangerous, he didn't give up on her. He was everything the girl ever wanted, and she loved him. So the girl decided to give him a gift to show him that she loved him, but she should have told him first. That he's not the only one who sees that she's broken. If he THINKS he's the only one, he would be wrong. Because there is no one who knows the girl's weaknesses more than the girl herself. If sometimes she tries too hard, it's only because she's still afraid. Afraid that she'll never be pretty enough, or smart enough, or good enough for anyone to love her. "

She paused for a moment before continuing quietly, "So don't think that I don't know Spencer. I know myself, and I also understand what you actually agreed to when you decided to give this a chance. You didn't say it, but I know. You believe that you can make me whole. Maybe the little girl believes it. If her sister can be pretty and smart and well behaved, maybe the girl can too. They are, after all, identical twins…" She giggled hysterically. "Maybe our girl is actually the smarter one, because SHE, at least, knows that she's broken... Did I tell you that Melanie's sleeping with her drama coach? Thirty-two years old – married with a three year old. She texted me a couple of weeks ago; she thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. I laughed until I cried – Mom couldn't see an apple when it stared her in the face."

"Sam –" Lord, he hardly knew where to start. He'd asked her for more and she'd given it. Here, in fact, was the true gift in her story. And he of the x-ray vision, the one who could see the many faces of Sam, had still managed to underestimate her. He felt like he'd let her down, and he vowed he wouldn't do it again. "Mädchen, you are far more than pretty and smart and well behaved. You are beautiful, and brilliant, and a force to be reckoned with. And the man loves you too." He kissed her, because the moment seemed to call for it. And although the afternoon was waning, he decided that there was just time enough. Samantha was not the only one with gifts to give.