Chapter 72!
Title: 'Half-Lies and Half-Truths: Part 1'
Note: SHORT CHAPTER!
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I'm terribly sorry, but this is going to have to be a very very short chapter.
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And even though it's a 'part', the continuation won't be up for a while!
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I wanted to upload something not only because I just wanted to, but because today is my BIRTHDAY!
As of today I am now a legal adult, the big 18!
EIGHTEEN!
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… I feel so old…
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Haha, looking back I started writing Growing Pangs when I was 16 and now I've turned 18 before Sakura has had a chance to. How strange, haha.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy this short chapter.
I will definitely try and upload another soon!
Dislcaimer: I own nothing!
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Her hands lost tension after a moment, he could tell she was falling asleep. He eased his hand down to his side, hers still holding onto it lazily, so that her hands wouldn't fall from his own and wake her up.
A long moment passed.
Everything was quiet. Calm.
He could hear his own breathing, her breathing, the few insects outside chirping to each other… the wind picked up for a few moments before settling again to only a whisper.
And then he heard a door open and close somewhere inside of the house.
He immediately felt a little nervous. His hand held onto hers tighter in a momentary need for reassurance. Despite what had happened only minutes ago, he had nearly forgotten her parents were in the same building.
He was once again harshly reminded of exactly where he was, who he was in relation to it, and how dangerous it was to be there.
He was this girl's former teacher, a grown man several years older than her. This was her room, a room that was a part of her parents' home where she still lived because she wasn't even an adult yet. He was lying in her bed next to her, somehow ignoring the dangerous rumors surrounding him and this girl.
He sighed, his fingers relaxed against hers again.
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He never thought he would get caught up in a situation like this.
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He could still remember the first day he started teaching, he had been so nervous but he tried to act confident because the other teachers had told him kids always picked on the scared ones more. They did pick on him, but he eventually won them over and fell in love with teaching.
He had been so sure nothing like this would ever happen. It hardly ever crossed his mind through the years.
He could even remember the first day he met Sakura. He couldn't remember much about her in particular, the first day of any new class was hectic, but he did remember that from the first day that he noted she was a somewhat confident, book-smart girl.
He later learned she seemed to have a kind of rivalry with Yamanako. He learned that she had a rather deep crush on Sasuke Uchiha, and that she was self-conscious about her forehead. He remembered how happy she had been when he announced the team pairings, at least until he mentioned Naruto's name.
He knew she would grow up and change after time, like everyone does.
But he never really pictured her becoming the girl lying by his side at this moment.
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And despite the pain he wished she hadn't had put herself through, he was more proud of her than ever.
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She went from that straight-A student who'd sit in class daydreaming about her moodier classmate kissing her forehead to an incredibly strong young woman who was far more capable and loving than she thought she was.
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She really has grown up.
He smiled softly to himself at that thought.
But as he stared up at the ceiling he was almost afraid to look over to her.
He didn't know why… maybe it was because he was afraid of realizing, again, that he shouldn't be here… or maybe because if he looked at her it would change how this moment felt for him.
Everything he knew right now, everything he could feel; the comforting darkness, the sound of her breathing as it evened out, the softness of her hands on his, the warmth of her body next to him.
If he looked at her, this scene would be too complete.
He was afraid he wouldn't have any excuse to stay any longer.
He wouldn't be able to lie to himself and believe this was normal for at least another moment longer.
It was common knowledge that a situation like this wasn't normal. Teachers and ex-students don't just lie in bed together like this, holding hands.
The thought alone was enough to make his expression twist with something like embarrassment. But this was the calmest he's felt in days.
Her presence was… soothing.
But still…
Here he was, after a whole day of trying to beat back rumors concerning him and this girl, and he was practically living up to them.
No.
Of course he wasn't.
This girl didn't feel anything for him that she didn't when she was little.
She only looks up to me.
She only sees me as her teacher.
She only needs me as friend to help and support her.
She doesn't see me as a man.
She shouldn't.
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Feeling a little better and worse about the situation now, he finally let himself ignore the irrational fear that he knew was childish. He let his head tilt to the right slowly, his neck ached a little; he'd been staring straight up for too long.
He had to look down a few inches to see her face.
Her eyes were closed, her features were relaxed.
He noticed that even though she had been laughing so freely, beautifully, only minutes ago… she still looked sad in her sleep.
He looked at her for a few seconds more without focusing on any details.
Just her.
Her expression tensed for a moment.
He wondered what she was dreaming about.
He remembered her previous answer, 'I was dreaming about Kakashi…'.
He sighed as he felt a pang of sadness run through him.
This girl was really in love with that man.
Completely so.
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He had thought that maybe their relationship had been a fluke.
Something they would both grow out of once it became too much trouble for them.
He couldn't see any reasons at all why they had chosen each other.
He couldn't imagine a pair so ill-matched.
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He never thought they had shared this kind of love.
Now he knew how they had survived all of the secrecy, all of the obstacles.
But… it didn't seem to be enough this time.
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He regretted even thinking that a moment later, somehow fearing that she would hear his thoughts in her sleep and feel the pain he knew those words would have given her.
As if checking he looked at her again.
She hadn't heard him, of course, but she still seemed sad.
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Without thinking he lifted his other arm. He leaned over only a few centimeters. His left hand reached for her. He didn't touch her for a moment longer when watched the moonlight on her face brightened as the clouds floated away from the moon.
He didn't know she would feel so warm when his fingertips brushed along her cheek. She moved an inch in her sleep, her face following his touch for more, he didn't really notice… he was too distracted by his thoughts.
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How could this girl be capable of this much pain?
This much love.
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"Sakura…" He called her name for no other reason to hear it again.
She only sighed in her sleep. Her pain seemed to ease a little, her expression softened.
He smiled weakly before pulling his hand away from her.
He looked away, too.
As he had feared, after looking at her it felt as if a spell had been broken… he couldn't live in this moment any longer.
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I shouldn't be here.
He told himself harshly.
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I don't belong here.
He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to let the thought sink in.
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I'm not the one this girl needs.
As if reality was trying to cement his words in truth he felt the weight of a slender arm stretch across his chest.
He was a little too shocked to move.
Her sleepy fingers gripped tightly on the far side of his vest.
But the first thing he noticed about this moment was the sleeve on her arm.
Even in a moment like this, that man's presence around this girl was as loud of a reminder as ever that she still belonged to him.
He sighed again, this time her arm on his chest rose and fell with his breath.
That moment woke him up to the harsh reality of this position again.
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He really couldn't stay here.
He couldn't ignore how wrong this was any longer.
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Even if he wanted to.
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I can't believe I actually let myself get this far.
But I guess I can't back down now.
He hadn't planned on tracking down Iruka tonight, but ever since Yamato showed up at his door his mind hadn't been able to drop the subject.
He needed to know.
But as he approached the old school-building somehow he had felt like he'd been here before like this.
Of course he'd been on the Academy grounds before, but something about this time… it seemed familiar. Standing here, trying to keep his thoughts straight with the cold wind, here to see a teacher at this school about their mutual student.
He couldn't track down exactly how it felt familiar, but he had gotten so used to it that he didn't give it much thought.
He reached out to the aged handle of the red door, having no plan of what to say once he did find the man he was looking for, but he didn't need a plan right now.
Just as he opened the door somebody on the other side was about to grab the handle too.
He only needed a moment register that it was a mousy looking brown-haired woman that seemed unsettled by his sudden appearance.
He didn't waste the opportunity, despite how eager she looked to get past him and out the door.
"Is Umino still here?" He asked informally.
She stuttered on air for a moment, not looking at Kakashi. She knew who he was. Even though she was only 8 years younger than him she had heard stories about him since she was a girl. She bowed a little deeper before she spoke up.
"Uh, no." She said swiftly. She really wanted to leave now.
She hadn't really talked to Kakashi-san before, but even just seeing him in the village from time to time she couldn't help but feel intimidated. He always looked like a really calm man, even lazy, with his sloping posture and casual speech, she knew he didn't mean to be intimidating, but despite how she knew he didn't mean to be intimidating, she was intimidated. It was also because right now, he wasn't as calm.
She could tell something was bothering him.
She knew about the recent rumors Umino-san had been a part of concerning one of his former students… she guessed Hatake-san must've been the girl's captain.
Why else would he be here?
Hatake-san was about to walk away, looking more troubled than before, until she spoke up.
"U-Umino-san left about an hour and a half ago. But, I noticed he went in the opposite direction he usually leaves in."
Even though Hatake-san's expression remained unchanged by what she said, she could almost sense that what she just said was actually a lot more important than she thought it was to him.
"Thank you." He said briskly before walking away quickly, like wherever he needed to go was now more urgent than it had been before.
And then her night was boring again.
She wondered what it would be like to know Hatake-san better, even if he kind of scared her.
Then she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to know Umino-san better.
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Everything was quiet and soft.
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My hands felt so warm.
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I felt the mattress next to me tense upward, as if something had moved off of it. My hands felt really cold all of a sudden.
I was too sleepy to register what it meant.
"Goodnight, Sakura." Somebody said as I felt something like a blanket fall on top of me.
That voice.
It sounded familiar.
So soft.
Caring.
Loving.
"Ka…kashi?" I called out, more hope in my voice than I could recognize.
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… The voice didn't respond…
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I didn't hear anything for a long moment, I thought I had fallen back asleep before I heard the voice again.
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"I'll always be here for you…" The voice sounded sad this time.
So sad.
I felt like I had done something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what.
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Then… for a moment, things seemed a little darker, a little warmer, but only barely… like someone was leaning over me.
My first instinct was to expect a kiss.
I tilted my face up a few centimeters, through habit.
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I could feel the soft air of breathing on my forehead, like he was about to kiss me there.
I always liked it when my forehead was kissed.
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I waited, sleepily. Wanting those lips on me again.
But I felt nothing.
Everything grew a little brighter, a little colder again.
He wasn't there anymore.
I was too tired to open my eyes, but I could feel something just before falling back into the dark.
A soft, warm, familiar hand cupped my cheek entirely. His hand felt big to me. Comforting.
His thumb rubbed along my cheek twice.
I wanted to reach up to the hand.
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But then the warm comfort was gone.
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I felt cold.
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I heard the balcony door slide open and close.
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I wished he would come back but I fell asleep.
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Falling from the balcony, his feet hit the ground with a soft sound. He hadn't forgotten his skills completely, but he was starting to wonder if he had forgotten his sanity.
He walked down the dark, empty street very slowly.
He'd rather spend his time thinking out in the cool air than in his little apartment where he knew would get overcrowded with the number of thoughts running through his mind right now:
Why had he almost kissed her forehead?
What had he been thinking?
That would've been highly inappropriate.
What's wrong with him?
But right now the only thing he could clearly recognize clearly in his crowded head was her voice.
'Ka…kashi?'
His feet slowed to an almost-stop.
The wind picked up for a second.
Again, just like the moment she had barely murmured that name only minutes ago he felt something like pain reach into his chest and grab hold.
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She really couldn't let him go, could she?
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He wished she would. If for any reason just to see her happy again.
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The scarred man put his hands in his pockets and picked up his pace again, the gravel crunching under his shoes. Even though it was cold he could still feel her warmth… he could still feel the weight of her arm across his chest…
He remembered the way the moonlight reflected off her skin.
He smiled weakly to himself, pain still saddening his eyes.
He really wished all the happiness in the world for her.
He would do whatever he could to help her.
And before he knew it, an opportunity presented itself:
"Iruka."
That voice.
That tone.
Iruka was overwhelmed by nostalgia for only a moment.
He would've been nervous to talk to this man now, of all times, but he wasn't thinking about himself right now.
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When he saw the dark figure walking down the empty residential street he knew exactly who it was. He just hoped he was wrong about why this person was here, only a few houses down from the Haruno residence… at this time of night….
Kakashi's chest seemed to tighten with senseless irritation as he used his voice.
"Iruka."
The silhouetted man turned around.
He didn't waste any time before he spoke up again.
"What are you doing here?"
Even he could hear the accusation in his own tone.
He didn't care.
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"What are you doing here?" The other man asked harshly.
Iruka actually felt a little prepared for that coldness.
"Good evening, Kakashi-san." He responded, remembering the manners he knew weren't needed for this conversation since it had already started rudely.
Silence stretched between them for a moment.
Iruka couldn't see Kakashi's masked face in the failing moonlight, but he could feel that familiar glare.
"Are you here to see Sakura?"The older man's voice asked with even less patience, but a quieter tone as if simply saying that girl's name was enough to ease his irritation.
Another moment of silence passed.
Iruka sighed.
He's heard about the rumors, hasn't he?
He thought to himself, more calm than he ever thought he would be in this kind of situation… actually, he was a little grateful.
Some part of him, without realizing it, had grown so tired of all this. He's grown tired of the secrets and of the pain he's had to see Sakura go through.
Having Kakashi know about these rumors wasn't ideal… but…
This still meant something.
After all…
If Kakashi was here because he didn't like what he heard in those rumors then he probably does have feelings for her still.
Sakura would love to hear about this.
He nearly smiled at the thought of her smiling.
But after only a moment of that thought he pushed it aside and spoke up again, this time he was the one who asked a question, "What did you hear?" His tone was soft, almost conversational, but that didn't mean he wasn't treating this seriously.
It was quiet again.
The silver-haired man must not have wanted to repeat what he heard.
Iruka probably wouldn't have either.
Something about saying all that out loud was just wrong… and almost… jinxing.
As if by repeating the rumors out loud himself, he would condemn himself to them.
Iruka tried to push that out of his mind too as he took a few more steps toward the only other person on this dark street, "They're only rumors." He tried to say simply. "A bored colleague of mine started making them up." He attempted to pass off those words casually.
This time the older man didn't stay quiet.
"That's hard to believe." Kakashi accused abruptly, forgetting any tact.
He looked down the adjoining alley to the street, Sakura's balcony standing out among others.
Iruka wanted to sigh again.
Even without his memories, he really doesn't change does he?
He's acting just like before.
He thought back to the time he told Sakura a little too much about Asaka, Kakashi had hunted him down just like this, angry and even a little petty.
It still surprises me that the Kakashi Hatake who can never lose his composure in battle can act like this over something like a rumor.
Then again… did I act so differently when I first found out about him and Sakura?
He wanted to smirk and frown at the same time with that thought, but settled for paying more attention to how to deliver his response.
"Fine…" Iruka forced the word out, "You don't have to believe me…" He knew he would say that, but it had taken him a few seconds to figure out how to say those words with the right tone to make himself sound natural.
He wasn't used to being rude… or childish, more like.
But he wanted to be right now.
He didn't want to stand here and let this man accuse him like everyone else had, especially not this man.
For once, he wanted to fight back, if only just a little.
Maybe it was because he felt frustrated with the situation … or maybe he was really just frustrated with this man.
This man was an idiot.
The girl, the girl they're both worrying about to the point they're picking on each other, loves this man… she chose him… and here this man was still talking to him about that girl as if she wasn't already his.
Iruka barely heard the next question when it started, he was too lost in his thoughts, but he stopped it from finishing on purpose.
"Does that mean you two are-" Kakashi started the question, his tone significantly quieter, but even more deadly.
"If we are…" Iruka interrupted him childishly. He knew he was pushing the boundaries by saying something like that. This touchy, brisk conversation could only go so far before Iruka knew he had to get to the point. He thought deeply on his next words, finding some unknown courage to actually say them, "What would that mean to you?"
Longer than any silence before, neither of them said anything for several seconds after that.
For only a moment Iruka worried that he had gone too far.
If he had or not he couldn't really tell, especially by how the other man responded.
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"If we are…" The scarred man had interrupted him.
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This doesn't sound like Iruka.
Kakashi immediately thought, not even caring that he had been interrupted.
Iruka's practically afraid of his own shadow… he wouldn't act like this.
Kakashi's eyes narrowed with thought.
He had thought that Iruka would deny the rumors, blush like a kid and apologize for even worrying Kakashi… that seemed like something Iruka would do… but this…
He sounded almost… defensive.
Hostile.
Like he had something to hide.
And the way he phrased that didn't sound right.
"What would that mean to you?" Iruka asked only a second later.
And with that Kakashi couldn't focus on how suspiciously Iruka had been acting, not when he was now forced to look at himself and how suspicious he was acting.
Why am I here?
This has nothing to do with me.
Even if I feel like this for her, that doesn't give me any right to…
… I don't belong in her life like this…
… Even if Iruka and her are….
… Even if…
I can't do anything about it.
Kakashi couldn't settle for that. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he had nothing to do with this, he searched for any answer as quickly as possible.
"She's a part of my team." He finally responded, his voice cold. He could feel his face tense with seriousness.
He couldn't see Iruka but he could tell his words hadn't done anything to change that man's mind about his previous question.
"This doesn't have anything to do with her performance in her missions." Iruka shot down Kakashi's weak excuse easily.
The silver-haired man thought of another point quickly.
"She's my student." He knew he shouldn't have used that excuse. That had been the same fact he had been trying to overlook earlier… he didn't want her to stay his 'student'…
But right now he was too stubborn to say he was wrong.
He felt like… like he had some right to be here questioning Iruka like this…
He just didn't know what it was.
Iruka seemed to take Kakashi's words in stride, as if he had been expecting them. The dark-skinned man took a few steps forward, the sand under his feet crackling barely with every step.
"She was mine, too…"Iruka's voice softened only momentarily, "… but she doesn't need your help anymore." Kakashi's expression flinched with that sentence. "She's growing up."
Silence took over again after those last words.
Neither of them knew they were thinking the exact same thing.
She has grown up.
They both thought fondly, pride in them.
But I'm the one acting like a kid right now, aren't I?
None of this is my business.
Iruka felt more ashamed about that than Kakashi did. Kakashi was too busy trying to find his place in this situation to make it his business. To give himself any reason, any right, to act so childishly for her. Otherwise, he'd have to admit he had nothing to do with this side of her life… he couldn't live with that.
He tried to find some sort of excuse for his childish interrogation.
He couldn't' think of one.
He sighed.
He didn't care anymore.
He wouldn't make a bigger fool of himself than he had already.
He just wanted to know.
"Just tell me." He spoke up, losing some of the edge in his voice. "Are you and Sakura….?" He trailed off, knowing that even if this younger teacher was naïve and a younger at heart than Kakashi was, he'd understand what he was really asking.
Were Sakura and him really in a relationship?
Did he really see her as a woman, was he really capable of loving her the same way Kakashi did?
Were they in love with each other?
So many horrible questions ran through Kakashi's mind, his insides tightening and wringing with every one of them.
A long moment passed.
They both stood still on the street, both of them partially hidden in the dark.
The moon came out from behind the clouds.
Kakashi could now see Iruka's face.
The younger man looked serious.
Determined.
But before he could notice anything else behind that man's expression he heard the one word he never thought Iruka would actually say to that question.
"Yes."
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Sorry for the short chapter, but I actually managed to cut the chapter at a cliffhanger moment anyways.
… Not that that should be something to be happy about… sorry….
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Anyways, I plan on uploading another chapter soon, but with my birthday and homework and stuff I'm a little distracted right now.
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Oh, and I'm only 2 reviews away from hitting 1,000 REVIEWS!
I wish I could give something out to the 1,000th reviewer, but I don't have anything to give away. So I can only thank you very deeply!
Thank you everyone who has ever reviewed!
I will try and write as much as quickly as possible so you guys can get the next chapter soon!