Just gonna say now, that Shinji and Asuka's relationship gets a lot worse before it gets better, as is starting to show in this chapter. I know that after them getting so close, and understanding each other, there's the giant, "well this sucks," feeling that everyones gonna get as this story starts to come to a close. This has been my intention since starting this story, that Shinji and Asuka would finally start to accept the feelings they have for each other...and then in a moments notice lose it.
Shinji and Ritsuko continued descending into Central Dogma, having left Asuka in the upper branches of Nerv. Shinji had his hands dug into his pockets, and for some reason, felt rather awkward right now. The last time him and Ritsuko had really talked, besides the conversation that led them here, Shinji had been rather harsh with her, and he felt a little ashamed of himself looking back on it. But he was right; nobody could understand how he had felt, as he feels now when he looks at Asuka and the confusion that-
"Shinji, you told me earlier that you had wanted to know more about Rei...correct?"
"Wha...Oh...yeah," said Shinji distractedly as he pulled his mind away from other matters. "I do...or did I suppose, since that is no longer possible, and I feel like I'll forever regret it."
Ritsuko was silent in response to his statement.
"So I have to assume that this is something relating to that, but as for what it is...I have no idea," said Shinji as he finished.
Ritsuko paused for a second before she said, "This is something which I believe you need to see, as I believed you needed to see Lilith, and if I am going against your fathers wishes...then so be it."
Shinji was rather taken aback at how bitter her voice sounded, and he noticed that she hadn't used the title 'commander,' but instead just said, 'your father.'
"...You said before about Artificial Human Evolution...what is that?"
"Just as it sounds: the creation of a human being based on artificial means inside of a closed evolutionary environment."
"...Is that even possible?" asked Shinji with surprise.
"On a theoretical base it is, since the compounds that make up every human being are easily acquirable and accessible in most lab scenarios. The soul is the problem. A soul has no substance, science cannot be applied to it, but they are regarded as a necessary material in defining a human. That was the problem...but we found a way around that. Shinji, have you heard of Gehirn?"
Shinji paused here and searched his brain. Admittedly, he had been involved with so many things relating to his fathers work that things were starting to become jumbled in his mind.
"No...I haven't," he eventually said.
"Thats not surprising," replied Ritsuko. "Gehirn...you see, is something like the forefather of Nerv. Your mother and father, Asuka's mother, and my own mother were all personal that worked within Gehirn."
"...I didn't know that your mother worked with Nerv." said Shinji in surprise.
"Yes," said Ritsuko in a voice that made it clear that she wasn't keen on the subject. "Gehirn was originally involved with the creation of the first Evangelion until it was transformed into Nerv. During that time, another project was being conducted on the study of human evolution, and even more so, to create an artificial human, and have them evolve as a normal human."
Suddenly the elevator came to a jolting halt and Ritsuko stepped out first, followed by a rather slow Shinji. But this place...it looked familiar to him.
"This is...the Evangelion graveyard?" he asked as he looked across the wide chamber where giant pits opened up in the floor, revealing the decayed remnants of failed Eva Units.
"Right. Gehirn was the first that attempted to create the first true Evangelion. These are of course the failed attempts at them," she said while gesturing at the giant pits around them.
"So how come we're back down here then?" asked Shinji.
"The place I am taking you to is on the same floor."
Ritsuko suddenly turned towards her right and started walking along a narrow walkway that hugged the right side of the wall. As Shinji stepped onto the walkway himself, he couldn't help but shudder as he looked at all the failed attempts at the Eva's around him. It was truly an example of the selfishness of humanity.
As they continued walking on the right side of the graveyard, Shinji noticed a little further ahead of them what seemed to be a side passage forking off to the right. Assuming that this is where they were going, his assumption was confirmed as Ritsuko turned into the dark passage, disappearing from his sight momentarily. Picking up his pace a little until he was directly in front of where she had disappeared, he looked down a long corridor with fluorescent lights that pocketed the ceiling, but seemed to be failing. Taking a few hesitant steps then, he slowly walked into the corridor.
After some time had passed however, the corridor became almost completely black, and all Shinji could see was the occasionally wisp of Ritsuko's lab coat in front of him, as though egging him on. Now though, as he looked far ahead of him, he could see a blinding light at the end of the passage.
"What is this exactly...Ritsuko?"
Silence greeted his words for a second before Ritsuko said, "The birthplace of Ayanami Rei.
Shinji stumbled over his own feet at her words.
"The birthplace of...what, excuse me!"
"You'll understand in a minute," said Ritsuko as she stepped into the blinding light and disappeared for a moment.
Frowning slightly, Shinji hurriedly jogged towards the end of the passageway and entered the blinding light himself.
He entered a large room, with overhead lights that looked as though they belonged in the ER of a hospital. The walls were a dull grey color, while what appeared to be strange formulas and algorithms littered the floor and walls. Though on the far side of the room opposite of where he stood, he saw coherent writing on the walls.
'Artificial Evolutionary Laboratory,' he mouthed. 'But this room...it looks like-'
"As you have no doubt guessed by now," said Ritsuko, "this is an accurate replica of Rei's room...or I should say, that the apartment she lives in is a replica of this room. This is where she was born."
Shinji then looked towards the cold hard bed against the far left wall and the table that sat next to it, filled with an assortment of pill and medicine bottles. Just like in her own apartment, the bed here looked as though it had never been slept it.
"This...what is this? You say this is where Ayanami was born...but I don't-"
"You don't understand yet?"
"I don't get what there is to understand. You've shown me a room here that looks as though it belongs in some horror film, and you say that Rei was born here. Why? Why not a real hospital? Who are her parents anyway? I never really thought to ask...and now..."
"You don't understand yet...even though I've shown you these things?" asked Ritsuko.
Shinji hesitated with the question that had been bothering him for a long time now.
"Who is...Ayanami?" he finally asked.
"She is...the byproduct of a scientific endeavor to reproduce a human being."
"But I don't quite understand what you mean by that."
"No, you don't? Maybe not, but there is something else that I want to show you, and things that still need to be explained to you."
"What if...I don't want to know."
"That is your decision Shinji. We can leave now and forget that we ever had this conversation, or were ever here for that matter. But you are now rooted so far in with Nerv that this is something that should not be kept from you...no matter your age."
"But why can't you just tell me?"
"Because it wont be enough. You have to see this to understand everything. I've already shown you Lilith, and that is still a part of this, and you yourself are wrapped up in all this. You can take it or leave it, and you may be better off without knowing this long kept secret, but whatever you decide to do with this information is up to you."
Shinji continued looking at Ritsuko for a while before he looked around the emotionless room again.
"...I'll see everything..." he said while looking down at his own feet.
Nodding her head slightly, Ritsuko then turned to a side door that Shinji had not noticed before. Standing in front of it, Ritsuko reached into her lab coat pocket and brought out her Nerv authorization card and swiped it through the scanner that was placed next to the door. After that, she punched in the four code combo releasing the lock on the door so that it slid open to admit her.
"This has the highest level of clearance just as Lilith's chamber does. Only myself, your father, and the vice commander are allowed in here," Ritsuko said.
Shinji could only imagine the backlash that Ritsuko would receive if the afore mentioned learned of this.
Following her lead, he stepped into another room that from the outset, felt much more open and airy than the previous room did, but what was it...he felt something eerie in this new room. All around him was darkness, even worse than the corridor before. However he found that there seemed to be some sort of walkway that was rather large and had a railing on each side, so as to that, he was rather comforted. From all around him though, he could smell a very ironlike smell. Almost as though he was surrounded by LCL fluid.
"While the previous room is where Rei was born...this is where she has spent much of her life. The apartment is simply something as a pretense, so that nobody will suspect anything happening below the surface."
Suddenly from in front of Shinji, a bright orange light glowed outwards, revealing something in the middle of the room. As Shinji saw that Ritsuko had moved towards this object, he himself did likewise.
In the middle of the room was a glass cylinder, big enough to fit a human and filled with an orange like liquid. The floor of this room seemed to be made out of some black marble like material. As Shinji stood in front of the glass cylinder which looked like something only found in science labs, he looked above him and had to contain his surprise as above him, many crisscrossing tubes intersected before they finally connected with the glass cylinder resting on the floor.
"Is that...LCL fluid?" he asked.
"Yes...the LCL fluid that nurtures Rei."
"Nurtures...then you mean Ayanami...used to be inside that thing?"
"Yes," she said after a short pause. "...Shinji, I told you before that the components that make up a human body are easily accessible for scientists like myself. However, it is something known only within Nerv and a rare select few such as myself, your father and deceased mother, that humans were created from the combined efforts of Adam and Lilith. Yet, it is said that humans are the failure of the black moon...Lilith. For humans were formed from LCL fluid, because every material, every compound, every definable substance can be broken down into LCL fluid, whether it be a single molecule of it."
"I know that already," said Shinji, "but I don't remember where I heard it. But what does this have to do with Ayanami. If all humans are formed from LCL fluid, that she's no different then anybody else."
"But she is. The first humans were created by Adam and Lilith, but afterwards we created our own offspring. Rei was not 'born' in the usual sense of the word. She was created in a laboratory, that which we saw in the previous room."
Silence greeted as Ritsuko ended her sentence, however, she wasn't done yet.
"Rei was created from Lilith, using the LCL fluid that leaked from Lilith's abdomen. Your father was in charge of all this, and though Gehirn had been transformed into Nerv, shortly after your mothers death, and directly after my own mothers death, he continued working on it in secret. Artificial Human Evolution...the outcome was Rei, created by humans, even though she is closer to an angel, for she has her own AT-field such as yourself. In a way, she is the embodiment of Lilith."
"Ayanami is...like me? Part angel?" whispered Shinji.
"She is closer to an angel than you are. You are a human, though with angel attributes. She was created from Lilith."
Shinji stared at the glass cylinder filled with LCL fluid in the middle of the room trying to imagine Rei floating seamlessly in the middle of it.
"I'm surprised that you took this so well," said Ritsuko after a few seconds.
Frowning slightly, Shinji said while still staring back at the glass filled with LCL fluid, "I had known she was different, but I didn't know how much. But...I knew that she was like me in a way."
"Do you hate her for that?"
"No, of course not," said Shinji shaking his head. "But my father...he used her, even though she believed in him."
"Your father used Rei to replace your mother," said Ritsuko a tad bit bitterly.
Shinji heard the tone in her voice and was rather surprised at it. Turning towards Ritsuko, he said, "Do you hate Ayanami?"
"Do I hate her...yes, I suppose that may be the case. I told you earlier that my mother worked for Gehirn before her death, which afterwards became Nerv. The computers here were designed by her, the Magi they are known as, and I say them, because there are three of them. Melchior, Balthasar, and Casper, each of them were developed based off of certain traits that my mother possessed. They are really the driving point behind Nerv, and if not for them, we would have lost against the angels long ago. However...my mother loved your father, even though he gave no love for her in return, having it all devoted to your mother, and then to Rei."
"...So you hate Ayanami because of that?"
"No...I hate her for a different reason," whispered Ritsuko.
Suddenly, from an inside pocket of her lab coat, she pressed a button on an LCD type pad. From the outside walls, which had looked black this entire time, orange light exploded outward, lighting the rest of the room up. All along the walls, wrapping around the entire room until it stopped at the walkway, were the same glass cylinders with LCL fluid in them. However in the cylinders were-
"Ayanami..." gasped Shinji as he took a step back, finally startled.
"Correct," said Ritsuko.
Floating inside of the many glass cylinders were identical replicas of Ayanami Rei completely naked. However, something was off about them. Their heads moved from side to side without any perceivable form of thought, while their arms and legs did likewise.
"This is the core of the dummy plug system, which you have witnessed first hand while battling Unit 03. This is the dummy plug manufacturing facilities."
"Then...Ayanami is..."
"The prototype of the dummy plug you could say. But the Rei you know is the second to be created. The first died along with my mother."
"But why...why did my father do this? You said it was to replace my mother but-"
"Shinji, your father created Rei as replacement for your mother, but in truth, she is a clone of your mother created artificially."
This was all to much for Shinji to take in, but as he took another step back, the Rei's floating in the LCL fluid along the walls turned there heads towards him and seemed to looked straight through him.
"My mother...no...that can't be..."
"It is...your father couldn't bear the death of your mother and created a clone of her, a clone which was created from Lilith, and in turn developed into the dummy plug. The Rei's you see along the wall have no soul, they simply act as programmed. Such is the way the dummy plug works, and truthfully, it is less cruel then having children pilot. But the Rei that you knew did have a soul...the soul of Lilith, the second angel. It is impossible to create a soul, so the only thing we could do was contain it inside a human form. That is who Rei is...and yet I was a fool just like my mother, because I sought your fathers love just as she did, and got nothing but spite and hatred."
Shinji opened his eyes wide at that. Out of everything that he had heard today, this was the most ridiculous thing.
"Shinji," said Ritsuko suddenly turning towards him with her right hand in a pocket of her lab coat. "You told me earlier that I couldn't understand how you felt; that I didn't know what love felt like. That is not true, because I loved your father. But he didn't care for me, and only looked at Rei, the clone of your mother. And so I hated her, and was even glad when I knew that she had died. But that doesn't matter, because she can come back, in fact has probably already come back. Your father was here earlier, preparing another...the third now. Though she will have no memories of the one before her."
"Ritsuko...what are you-"
"Rei is back, probably being prepared right now," said Ritsuko bitterly. "And I've helped with the development of the dummy plugs myself, since my mother also had a part to play. But I don't care anymore! I hate the mere sight of that being, ever since she was only five years old! So I don't care, even if I'm labeled a traitor and killed, I'll erase the existence of such an unnatural thing!"
From her inside pocket, she pressed another button on the LCD screen, and all around them, the LCL fluid suddenly turned a bright red.
"What are you-" yelled Shinji as he looked around, but next second froze as he saw the bodies in the LCL fluid suddenly break apart.
Flesh seemed to fall directly off the bones, while limbs and torsos were separated from the main parts of the body. Internal organs suddenly floated out from inside the body, creating an even darker color than before. Eventually though, the flesh and tissue dissolved into the LCL fluid, as though it had never existed. All around Shinji, now stood empty containers of nothing but LCL fluid.
"You...you..." stammered Shinji as he tried to come to terms with what Ritsuko had just done.
"The bodies were of course created from LCL fluid," said Ritsuko with a slight laugh, "so its only natural that they would return to the stuff they were created out of."
"But they were still Ayanami Rei!" yelled Shinji as he felt the anger burn inside him.
"But can she be considered a human? Certainly what I just destroyed cannot be considered human. They were lifeless dolls."
"But they were still her!"
Shaking her head, Ritsuko said, "You don't understand, you're too young."
"Misato wouldn't have agreed with this!"
"No, she wouldn't have, which is why I made sure she did not suspect anything. But I wanted you to see this before I destroyed it, because I felt that you could at least understand, since she was like you. But maybe I was mistaken. Humans should not tamper with such things."
"Is that why you wanted to show me this? Because of who I am! Because of what I am!"
"Shinji, do you know why humans wanted to create the Evangelions?" asked Ritsuko suddenly.
"Of course! It was to combat the angel-"
"No, that was not it," said Ritsuko. "Humans encountered the angel Adam, and even though the contact experiment failed, they still wanted its power, because they saw it as something equivalent to God. So they created the Evangelions to contend with that power, but in truth it is just a child's imitation. Humans must always have a higher power that they can believe in; it gives them hope for a better future. The Evangelions, and in particular Unit 01 is the closest thing to that desire. Unit 01 is both angel and human: human for the soul inside of it, and angel for the S2 engine that it swallowed. And then what of its pilot? You could say that you are the perfection that was impossible to achieve with Rei, because you have a human soul, yet you are also part angel. Human Instrumentality...you are the closest being able to achieve that."
"And why is that!" yelled Shinji suddenly. "Thats what I want to know! I don't care about all your theories! I want to know who I am!"
Ritsuko looked at him rather mournfully for a second before she said, "As to that...I don't know. In truth, I have looked into as much as I could for hope of telling you, but almost all traces of your past have been erased, which isn't terribly unusual, since both yours, Rei's, and the fourths have been erased."
"But not Asuka's!"
"No, though it is kept under strict security because she is an Evangelion pilot."
Shinji looked at her shrewdly for a minute before he said, "Why did you bother showing me this?"
"Because deep down, I wanted you to kill me. I thought that you're anger would take over."
Shinji was startled at the expression Ritsuko showed on her face. It was that of somebody who has no hope left.
"I already promised I wouldn't kill another human being," said Shinji.
"Do you think you can keep that promise for long?"
"Of course! I-"
"Shinji...I know that ever since the battle with the angel Zeruel, you have been exhibiting angel powers more often. That blood soaked shirt you came back with, you had been shot in your shoulder, but didn't show any trace of a wound, not even a scar."
"Thats-" tried Shinji.
"And with Asuka no longer in your life, it seems that you've been changing even faster."
Her words seemed to strike a nerve in Shinji, because next second he was directly in front of her, with his eyes flashing scarlet and yelling, "Don't talk as if you know me! For all your scientific knowledge you don't know the first part about human emotions! You say you loved my father, yet you don't know the first part about love! Don't psycho analyze me as if you-"
"Shinji...you said you 'felt' before, meaning the past tense," said Ritsuko curtly. "What has happened in these past days since Asuka lost her memories of you? Did you also-"
"Don't say anything!" yelled Shinji, spittle flying from his mouth. "I don't want to talk about it!"
Ritsuko frowned at Shinji before saying, "No, you're right, I won't understand how you feel...or felt whichever you prefer, because I'm not you. But even so-"
"Stop it Ritsuko," replied Shinji while looking the other way.
"The fact that the love you once felt for Asuka is disappearing, doesn't that mean anything to you?"
Shinji felt shell shocked at her words. He had realized it himself, but that didn't mean he had to accept it for what it was.
"I don't know what you're talking-" but Shinji voice broke before he could finish his sentence. Though Ritsuko seemed to understand what he was saying.
"No, you do, because you understand it better than I could. What I want to know is...why? You're memories should still be intact, if what I heard from Misato is correct. So then why are you feelings disappearing?"
"I don't-" started Shinji, but no, that wasn't right. He did know, because as Ritsuko had said, he was himself. He had just never wanted to accept it, because in a way, it was even worse than not having the memories. Having the memories only made it more painful to bear, because he had to look at her every day and know that, while he could remember everything, he didn't feel anything from those times. They were just like an empty basin of water.
"Its..." he tried again. "Its difficult to describe. At first, I didn't think anything of it, but eventually it felt like I was trying to keep water in my cupped hands, while it constantly fell between my fingers. You said before, that after the battle with the angel Zeruel, that my angel self was starting to become more dominant over my human self. I had noticed it before, and especially after I realized that I can regenerate damaged tissue. But Asuka was like...something to hold that part of myself back, a dam I suppose. When I was with her, I was happy. Even now, its only something that I can barely recall, but I know that I was happiest when I was with her, and I forgot my own questions about who I was, and what I was."
"But stuff leaked through nonetheless, and during that day that...it happened, I had shown her my AT-field again without thinking about it. I don't even know what I was thinking. I constantly tried to steer her clear of everything related to Nerv, or the Evangelions, but that would mean distancing myself from her. I found I couldn't do that...because she meant too much to me. I guess it was...our love that kept my angel self at bay, and I say 'our' because I know she felt the same, even if she never told me. Now though...everything is just starting to disappear, as my human half starts to diminish. I keep thinking that one of these days, I'll wake up to find that my eyes just permanently stay red."
After Shinji finally finished his last sentence, both him and Ritsuko stared at the cylinder in the middle of the room for a minute.
"You said that Ayanami is back?" asked Shinji, not wanting to have to say anymore about his diminishing feelings.
"Back? I suppose that would be the best way to describe it, even though she really never left," said Ritsuko. "What do you plan to do though? Are you going to confront her?"
"I...don't know," said Shinji. "If what you said is true, and that she doesn't remember who I am, than isn't it all together pointless?"
"I told you that you could do whatever you wanted with the information I had to show you today. You can talk to her, or tell your father about this even."
"Wont that...harm you though?" asked Shinji.
"Most likely yes. I'll be thrown in confinement until the Human Instrumentality is completed."
"I wouldn't do that, nor would I have killed you, even if you have begged."
Ritsuko looked at Shinji rather curiously then, and seemed to smile slightly.
"You may say that you're human half is being conquered by the angel half, but I think that at your core, you won't change, if you can still show compassion after what I've done here."
"I don't like it, but nor will I tell anybody about it. I think that you trusted me enough to show me this, so that at least, I will respect."
"Shinji, you understand what your father is trying to do correct? About the Human Instrumentality project?"
"Sorta...I understand that he wants to be rejoined with my mother, and for that he'll turn all of humanity into LCL fluid because of that."
"That is a part of it, but he also wants humans to understand each other, as difficult as that is for you to believe."
"He should have started by trying to understand me... And I don't think that having everyone's AT-field dissolve is the right thing. The AT-field is what makes people unique."
"He loves you...in his own way, I think."
Shinji wasn't sure how he should respond to her statement, so he just kept his silence.
"Seele has a goal also though, and that is to become the gods of the new world, and fashion everything as they see fit. The fourth child is somebody who will most likely further their goals."
"Ritsuko...who do you think Kaoru is?"
"Who he is...I'd imagine you have a better guess at that then I do."
"I don't...he's like me and Ayanami, he has an AT-field, more powerful than my own."
Ritsuko's eyes widened at that.
"Then he is possibly the last angel," she said.
"I thought as much," mumbled Shinji. "But I don't know if I can beat him."
Clapping him slightly on the shoulder, Ritsuko said, "Remember that everybody is standing behind you, even if you can't see them. We may have doubted you before, but we believe in you now."
"Thanks...Ritsuko," said Shinji, meaning it greatly.
"I have something else that I need to tell you, and I don't understand it completely, but its something that your father asked me a while ago."
"Why, what is it?"
"During your week long stay at Nerv, before you and Asuka had your brief vacation time, your father asked me to get a sample of your DNA. I extracted it easily and gave it to him, but I'm not sure what happened after that. That strand of your DNA was of course implanted with an angels, but I have no idea what he plans to do with it."
Shinji pondered this for a moment, but no matter what he thought, he couldn't think of what his father would use his DNA for.
"We should probably head back to the surface," said Ritsuko suddenly. "We've been down here for almost an hour now."
"I suppose," said Shinji as he took another look at the empty glass cases filled with LCL fluid.
Turning around, him and Ritsuko walked back across the walkway and into the room where Rei was born in. Taking another look around, he realized just how similar it was to her room at her apartment. This, more than anything solidified what Ritsuko had told him. But oddly enough, the thing about his mother didn't disturb him as much. It was more the fact that his father had done this, which angered him even more. Rei was her own self, even if she was a copy based off of another human being. It hadn't been her decision after all. And then there was the soul of Lilith, which Rei supposedly kept. Well, that could explain somewhat of her lack of emotions he supposed. But why...it was almost as though he felt that wasn't quite the case.
"Lilith," he mumbled, feeling the word slide of his tongue.
"Hmmm? Did you say something Shinji?" asked Ritsuko.
"No, never mind," said Shinji hurriedly, before following her back down the long corridor and out into the Evangelion graveyard. However, as he stood before the elevator that would take him up into the higher levels of Nerv, he looked across the graveyard and in the direction where he knew Lilith rested.
Almost as he looked directly across the many pocketed pits, he thought he heard a voice calling to him, as though beckoning him to come.
'No...I must be hallucinating,' thought Shinji. For a moment, he thought he recognized the sound of the voice, but that wasn't possible.
Shaking off his worry, he walked into the elevator alongside Ritsuko, and waited in silence as the elevator shook and rattled, bringing them back into the heart of Nerv.
Misato was having difficulties already with Asuka...and they had just arrived home. First Asuka started a rant about Shinji, (or as she called him 'that idiot') complaining how rude he was and the like. Second, she had asked Misato why she seemed to be on such good terms with Shinji, and why it sounded as though they had known each other for a while. Misato had to unfortunately relent and tell another lie to Asuka, making up stories about how she visited Shinji sometimes while the science department was running tests on him. So at least in part, this accounted for times she hadn't been home, which according to Asuka's memory, were quite often. Asuka then continued on, asking about her own Eva, Unit 02, wondering when she'd be able to pilot again and when the next synchronization test would be. Misato, hadn't known herself, leaving most of the decision making up to Ritsuko, and just nodded her head a bunch. Currently though, Asuka seemed to be back on the subject of Shinji.
"And that idiot, after I kindly asked if he needed any pointers, he completely brushed me off, saying that I wasn't even close to his sync rating."
"Well thats just the way he is," said Misato idly, hardly even paying attention to the conversation anymore, being already into her fifth beer.
"Why is that?" asked Asuka.
"Why's what?"
"What I just said! Why is that moron like that?"
Misato seemed to drink a larger gulp of the beer than she had intended, and started choking on it. Asuka meanwhile, narrowed her eyes slightly, clearing wondering about this abrupt shift in her attitude.
Getting herself under control though, Misato said after a few seconds of thought, "I suppose part of it is because of his father."
"The commander? It seemed like they didn't really get along very well."
"Thats putting it mildly," said Misato. "Shinji hates his father."
"Why?"
"Because he abandoned him when he was only a kid," said Misato, getting rather carried away.
"He did?" asked Asuka rather surprised, not expecting this sort of reply.
"Yeah, sorta the same as your own father," said Misato, any clear sign of a thought process already slipping. However, this seemed to shut Asuka's mouth almost instantly. Misato noticed this though, and looked at Asuka who was trembling ever so slightly now. Putting down her can of beer, she said, "Sorry...I shouldn't have said that."
"Its fine," said Asuka standing up so abruptly that the kitchen chair she was sitting in fell over.
"Asuka wait I-"
However, Asuka had already retreated to her room and closed the door with a snap.
'Damn it,' thought Misato as she put the can of beer down on the table. Covering her head with her hands, she thought, 'I can't do this by myself. And dinner is rather...' She didn't even know what to do as far as that went. It seemed that Asuka's pickiness when it came to food had not subsided in the least.
'What am I going to do?' she wondered.
Asuka was wondering that very same thing in her room which she had vacated to. Misato's words had stung her greatly, because she didn't want to have to think about...that person. And yet she recalled Misato mentioning...that person before, when she had been listening at the door at the Nerv hospital ward. Well, maybe she'd ask her about it later. But what Misato had said about that idiot and his father had surprised her, because she had immediately thought about her own situation with...somebody who she wished she'd never have to meet again. So in a way, they were alike, as odd as that sounded to her. But they were so different at the same time, excluding the whole angel thing, which she found she didn't give two shits about.
"Ahhhh, why am I thinking about this so much," she mumbled, as she pressed her face closer to the pillow. "Its not like I care about that idiot either way."
'Then why did you seek him out in the first place?' asked a small voice in her head.
'Purely professional,' was her harsh reply. 'Thats it!'
'Then what of the headaches?'
'Big deal! People get headaches all the time.'
'But as often as this?'
'Shut up! I don't want to hear any of this.'
Pushing herself off her pillow, she walked quickly to her door and threw it opened, only to have it bounce back and almost smack against her right shoulder.
"Misato I'm taking a shower!" she barked. However, Misato seemed not to realize that she was yelling at her, since she was talking on the phone.
'Probably to Ritsuko or whoever that guys name was that she dated in college,' thought Asuka. The only reason that Asuka bothered telling her this, was because Misato had walked into the bathroom several times while Asuka had been taking a shower. This, was a memory that was very clear to her.
'Just as long as she doesn't bother me,' thought Asuka, as she walked into the bathroom, closing the sliding door as she went.
"I suppose that I've gotten used to bedrooms without locks on them, but bathrooms without them? Is there no sense of privacy among Japanese people?" she mumbled as she closed the door, wishing certainly not for the last that a lock could be installed on the door.
Walking across the marmoleum floor, she pulled off the clothes she had been wearing and tossed them all in a pile, knowing that she'd have to wash them later.
Stepping into the shower, she closed the door made of glass and turned the shower head on, before stepping out of the spray of water, letting it heat up a little before she allowed it to cleanse her body. Pressing her back against the cold green tile of the shower, she drew her right leg up, tilting her knee down slightly while her toes pressed against the plastic bottom of the shower; her left leg, she put most of her body weight down on.
Feeling the mist of water hit her body, she tilted her head up to look at the shower head, and without really looking at it thought, 'So he doesn't get along with his father either, huh?'
Now frowning slightly, she reached her hand out to test the temperature of the water. Deeming it warm enough, she submerged her hair in it, enjoying the feel of the water as it flowed through her hair and traveled down her back. Opening her eyes now, which she had closed when she stepped into the water, she muttered, "I shouldn't worry about it. We're fellow pilots and nothing else..."
After half an hour later, and with the hot water tank depleted, Asuka finally stepped out of the shower, and reached for a towel hanging on the wall next to the shower. Wrapping one towel around her body, and running another through her hair, she walked to the sliding door of the bathroom, and slid it open.
"Hey Misato's whats for dinner?" she asked without looking at the kitchen.
Misato, who was still sitting at the table and now had a stack of empty beer cans in front of her, mumbled something unintelligible and pointed towards the kitchen.
As Asuka then turned towards the kitchen, she just noticed the aromas smell of something coming from the kitchen.
'What is that?' she wondered as she craned her neck further to peer into the kitchen, but only too quickly all the color left her face, leaving it pasty white, and then moments later, turned the color of maroon.
"Hey Misato, where did the egg beater go?" asked Shinji as he turned towards the corpse that was occupying the table. Unfortunately for him, that also meant that he turned towards Asuka, who of course had just stepped out of the shower...in nothing but a towel.
One-second lasted an eternity as the two of them stared back at each other. Shinji, who of course had expected this sooner or later, was still not prepared for it in anyway. Asuka was standing in the opening of the bathroom, her hair still dripping wet from her shower. Misato meanwhile, sat at the kitchen table, completely oblivious to the surprise of the two teenagers seeing each other in such strange circumstances.
Shinji, not particularly happy about the current situation, opened his mouth to make a crude remark about Asuka's attire, desiring to increase the distance between them. However, he got no further than opening his mouth when Asuka shrieked at him...
"AHHHHH! BAKA! ECCHI! HENTAI! THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!"
Her shriek seemed to wake Misato up though, because she suddenly jolted upwards, sloshing the rest of her beer across the kitchen table.
"Wasrong?" she slurred heavily.
Asuka in response, pointed at Shinji with a wavering finger and shouted, "WHY THE HELL IS HE IN THE HOUSE!"
"Who's he?" asked Misato, still completely out of it.
Sighing slightly, Shinji shifted his gaze away from Asuka and turned to Misato.
"She means me Misato."
"Wha? Oh...right...I called you over didn't I?"
Shinji glared at Misato, wishing that she would hurry up and pass out before she said something detrimental.
"Yes...you did," said Shinji his voice laced with annoyance. 'And I wish I hadn't listened to you,' he thought silently in his head.
"Ah...thats right. I wanted you to cook...so whats the problem?"
"WHATS THE PROBLEM!" yelled Asuka. "NO WAY AM I LETTING THIS GUY STAY IN THE HOUSE!"
"Well if she doesn't want me here, than I suppose I can just leave," said Shinji making it quite clear that he was loathing just standing there.
Walking away from the stove which was still on and cooking eggs, he passed by Misato who frowned at his reluctance to stay. Downing the rest of her beer, she said now with some control over her voice, "Shinji...stay, at least for a little while since you're here. Even if you don't want to cook."
Shinji stopped just as he was about to pass Asuka and turned around to look at Misato who was wearing a very passive look on her face. Glancing slightly to his right, he saw that Asuka was mere seconds away from decking him in the face. Turning back towards Misato, he said while grumbling slightly, "Fine...I'll cook. But afterwards I'm leaving...and this better not happen again Misato."
"You have my word," muttered Misato, now going back into the coma that she had woken up from. Asuka however, was not about to let this happen, and retorted angrily, "Misato, are you so drunk that you're gonna let this idiot cook here!"
"Like I want to in the first place," muttered Shinji, his own anger starting to bubble up.
"As if anything you cook could ever satisfy me," retorted Asuka.
"Fine then, don't eat it," said Shinji. "Its a waist of ingredients anyway feeding your vulgar mouth."
"My vulgar...What!"
Asuka quickly strode over to Shinji with the towel still tightly wrapped around her body, and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck.
"My vulgar mouth! You're the one that acted like an ass-hole after I tried being nice."
"Do I look like I care?" asked Shinji with a raised eyebrow.
Asuka seemed to shake with anger and suddenly drew her hand back.
"You fucking ass-"
"I don't care if you two continue like this into the night," said Misato, speaking up from where she sat at the table. "But do it after I at least have some food."
Shinji sneered slightly in response to Misato's comment, and took a step away from Asuka.
"Eat it or don't; I couldn't care less either way."
Turning back towards the stove, he grumbled as he turned the dials of the all too familiar stove. Asuka continued staring at his back though, still shaking with rage over the person that confused her so greatly right now. It only made it worse that he had gotten a glimpse of her without any sort of guard up.
Snarling at his back now, she turned around and stomped down the hallway to her door, before throwing it open and kicking it close with a loud 'bang.' Shinji, on the other hand, seemed to release a long held breath the minute her rage couldn't be felt vibrating behind him.
"You handled that interestingly," mumbled Misato with her head resting on the table.
Shinji was silent as he turned and looked down the hallway towards the door Asuka had disappeared through, and his own room, now used as storage.
"And you don't agree with how I'm handling this?" whispered Shinji, careful to be quiet incase Asuka was trying to listen to any conversation him and Misato may have.
"No, I don't," said Misato after a moments pause, "but of course you already knew that."
"And yet you asked me to come here immediately, making me worry that something was wrong. Though of course I learned that all you wanted was for me to cook," said Shinji somewhat bitterly.
Shrugging, Misato reached for another beer and said, "As I said before, you're here, so you may as well make the best of it."
'Or the worst,' thought Shinji as he turned back to the stove.
Even though he hadn't cooked a meal for himself in almost a week, he still found that his cooking skills had not deteriorated in the least. Knowing that Asuka wouldn't eat anything other than German food, Shinji had a major problem, because he didn't have any ingredients that he could make German food with. In the end, he settled on something simple: that being white rice with fried eggs mixed with soy sauce. Luckily for him, these simple few things even Misato seemed to carry. The majority of her grocery supplies seemed to have dwindled down to instant meals, bags of chips, and many pop cans. Even so though, he thought that it had turned out well enough.
Placing two plates on the kitchen counter, Shinji walked over to Misato and nudged her gently, as she had fallen asleep at the table waiting for him to finish.
"Hey, Misato. Its finished..." he said.
Misato stirred slightly and mumbled, "Huh...whats finished?"
"The dinner that you called me over to make," retorted Shinji, trying to keep the annoyance in his voice to a bear minimum.
"Oh right...what did you make?" asked Misato.
"Well, you don't have much in the way of ingredients, so its fairly simple. I've no idea what...Asuka will think of it though, since its not German food."
Misato snorted. She had eaten German food more often in the past few months than any other nationalities food. It was the last thing she wanted to eat right now.
"What? Did you want German food?" asked Shinji in response to Misato's snort.
"...I'm just surprised you made something that wasn't German food," sighed Misato.
Shinji frowned slightly, but remained silent. True, he normally wouldn't have made anything else, but he himself had gotten so used to German food that he found himself wishing he knew a restaurant in Tokyo-3 that he could go to.
"What is it anyway?" asked Misato as she leaned around Shinji and looked at the kitchen counters where two plates rested on them.
"Fried rice with fried egg and some soy sauce mixed in. I could have added some more seasonings, but I couldn't seem to find any."
Misato hesitated briefly, before she whispered, "I threw them all out after you left. I never figured you'd be cooking here again."
"Neither did I," said Shinji, his displeasure over this entire thing only too apparent.
"Well, whatever it matters...thanks."
"...Don't worry about it..."
"But you only made two plates. Unless you were serious about not making any for Asuka."
"...If she wants it, she can have it. I made it incase she changes her mind. But I'm not really hungry."
Misato watched him out of the corner of her eye before she mumbled almost inaudibly, "You can act the way you are, and make it seemed like you don't care...but you do still care about Asuka, Shinji."
Shinji chose not to reply to her statement, his conversation with Ritsuko still too near to his heart.
"You should probably eat it, since it gets cold quickly," said Shinji instead as he turned away.
"Are you...leaving now?" asked Misato.
"Yeah. I did what you wanted me to, so I have no reason to stay here any longer."
"But Shin-"
Shaking his head, Shinji said, "It isn't right for me to be here, and I shouldn't have even come here in the first place."
Misato bit down on her lips, trying to think of a reason to keep Shinji here longer. In truth, she hoped that by having Shinji here, Asuka might warm up to him, if just a little, and remember some of her lost memories. Though after seeing the brief shouting match between them just a little while ago, she wasn't too reassured.
"I know but...how are things fairing at Nerv?" asked Misato.
"Well enough," said Shinji evasively. Under no circumstances did he plan on telling Misato about his conversation with Ritsuko and everything he now knew about Rei.
"I need to get going," said Shinji suddenly as though it closed the subject.
"O...kay..." mumbled Misato as Shinji started walking towards the apartment's front door. Pausing momentarily at the door though, he looked behind him and in the direction of the door that Asuka was sure to be behind. Very briefly, his face scrunched up as though some internal struggle raged through him. But next moment it seemed to pass, and he slipped his shoes on, before passing through the door and out into the darkened sky.
Misato continued standing in the hallway for a few seconds after Shinji left, wishing that things could go back to how they used to, when Shinji still lived there, and admittedly, when Shinji and Asuka's feelings for each other hadn't blossomed. But things were as they were, and she'd have to cope with the current situation.
Turning back to the kitchen table, she looked at her hardly touched meal and was feeling her appetite slipping, when she heard Asuka's door come flying open.
"Did that ass-hole leave?"
"Yes," said Misato without much emotion in her voice, though Asuka didn't seem to pick it up.
"Well good! Just knowing that he was here was pissing me off," grumbled Asuka as she made her way over to the kitchen table. She seemed to have taken the time to put clothes on now, and was wearing a light blue tank top with matching panties.
Sitting down at the table across from Misato, she looked at the fried rice in front of Misato and glared at it briefly. Placing the palm of her hand against the side of her head she placed her elbows on the table and tilted her head to the right as she asked, "So what is this crap?" She was of course referring to the fried rice that Shinji had made.
"Hmmm? Oh, Shinji made fried rice," mumbled Misato almost inaudibly.
"So how come you're not eating it?" asked Asuka with a slight smirk, thinking that it was so disgusting that she didn't dare touch it.
"Not hungry anymore," said Misato. Suddenly standing up, she wobbled slightly from all the alcohol in her system and started walking to the bathroom.
"What are you-" but Asuka cut herself off when she saw Misato quicken her pace, and next second crash through the bathroom door.
'Oh...that,' thought Asuka as she heard retching noises coming from the bathroom.
Not bothering to hide her disgust from Misato's demeanor, she turned her grimace to the bowl of fried rice that Misato had left on the table. Several different emotions passed over her face as she continued staring at the plate of food. In truth, her stomach was grumbling so loudly that she was surprised the people next door couldn't here it. Even so though...the thought of eating anything that that idiot had made gave her a desire to puke.
Walking around to the other side of the kitchen counter, she opened the fridge, only to discover that it was almost empty except for a few beer cans and a gallon of milk which was almost gone.
'Damn it,' she thought. 'I guess there really isn't anything in the entire fucking apartment.' She didn't even bother checking the cupboards, knowing that she'd have even less chance of finding something in there.
Turning away from the refrigerator, the first thing her eyes set on was the second bowl that Shinji had made.
"Not a chance," she said as though the bowl of fried rice was trying to get her to eat it.
Hearing the sound of the toilet flushing then, Asuka turned as Misato came plodding out of the bathroom, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
"I think I overdid it a bit," mumbled Misato.
"A bit? Its disgusting watching a grown women puke like that," said Asuka in disgust.
Misato stared at her for a few seconds before she asked, "Are you going to eat?"
"No, not something that that idiot made. Besides half the reason you're probably puking is because of that slop."
Shaking her head, Misato said, "You should eat something, and he's actually a really good cook. Plus he came over because I asked him, so the least you can do is try it."
"Whatever!" snarled Asuka.
Misato sighed then, giving into Asuka's attitude.
"Do what you please then. I'm going to bed earlier. God I think I can feel the headache starting already," said Misato as she slowly made her way to her own room.
Asuka continued standing in the kitchen for a moments longer before she walked towards the living room, determined to forget about Shinji's cooking. Flopping down on the couch, she turned the T.V. on and started flipping through channel, though she wasn't really paying attention to what she saw. Rolling over on to her stomach, she buried her face into one of the couch pillows, trying to ignore the rumbling of her stomach, while in the back round some Japanese game show was blaring out of the T.V.
'...why the hell do I keep thinking of him?' she wondered.
It was more surprise than anything that had made her react that way, when she saw that Shinji was standing in the kitchen; that and the fact that she had just stepped out of the shower. His stupid face just kept entering her mind every time she let it wander though. But why was she thinking of him? He was annoying, an idiot, insensitive, and an ass-hole.
"Damn it," she mumbled as she turned her head to the left, now staring at the white wall across the room. "What the hell is wrong with me?"
Almost in response to her barely audible question, her stomach gave a tremendous rumble, sending a light blush across her face. Though her embarrassment gave way to anger, as she thought about the food sitting on the counter, just several feet away from where she lay.
"Oh...fuck it!" she yelled.
Pushing herself off the couch, she ran her hands through her hair to try to straighten out the loose ends, before she walked into the kitchen. Of course she froze as she saw the full bowl of fried rice just sitting on the counter, as though mocking her.
Narrowing her eyes slightly she first walked over to the kitchen table and grabbed the semi eaten bowl that Misato had barely touched, and placed it in the fridge.
'I suppose Misato will finish it later tonight,' she thought.
Now walking over to the kitchen counter she paused for a second as she looked down at the bowl of fried rice that Shinji had made for her. Hesitating for no more than an instance, her raging hunger won over her despise of eating something made by that idiot, so she picked it up and placed it in the microwave to warm it up.
Tapping her index finger against her bare leg, her willful pride slowly started to take over, and she was an instance from ripping the microwave door open, and throwing the entire bowl, food and all, off the front landing of the apartment complex, when the light inside the microwave went out, and the bowl stopped rotating.
Staring at the microwave for a second, she slowly stretched her hand out, and opened the door to it. She was assaulted by such an intense aroma that she almost fell over in surprise.
'What the hell was that?' she wondered. 'It actually smelled...'
Her face suddenly twisted upward as the thought crossed her mind, but she quickly banished it.
"Yeah right. As if that was possible," she said as she grabbed the bowl out of the microwave, and walked over to the kitchen table.
Sitting down with the bowl in hand, the aroma still wafting off it, she stared at the bowl for a second with a spoon in hand.
'Am I seriously that hungry that I'll even eat something such as this?'
Unfortunately, the answer came almost immediately as her stomach gave another loud rumble.
'This is simply because I'm starving,' she thought while shaking her head. 'No other implications besides those.'
But was that true? She honestly didn't know. Maybe she just wanted to try something made by his hands.
'If it tastes horrible, I'll immediately throw it out,' she thought lastly as she took a small bite of the fried rice.
Almost immediately, as the rice touched her tongue, her taste buds seemed to explode inside her mouth. It was impossible to describe the flavor accurately. It was incredibly simple, but just the way it had been assembled had made all the difference. Asuka knew how to cook well enough by most peoples standards, having to learn how to at a very early stage of her life, but she had never expected to taste something Japanese that she liked. This though...it was amazing simply put. The soy sauce was just enough to soak the rice adequately, while it also made up for the lack of salt that wasn't it in the house. The eggs were cooked perfectly; not too brown, nor to runny. The only thing that could have made this better, was some pork and a few vegetables. But even so-
"Why is this so good?" asked a startled Asuka as she let the spoon in her hand fall from her grasp and land with a 'clank' on the wooden floor. "Something...so simple...but its perfect." Asuka didn't even think she could have done this well, but oddly enough, it didn't make her anger as it should have.
"Damn it...why? Why...that idiot...I-"
Again with the strange emotions. She felt suddenly warm inside, and it wasn't just because of the steaming hot bowl in front of her. No...it was something else.
"I hate this feeling! But I can't...I don't understand it...why!"
Burying her face in both her hands, she tried to stem the flow of pearly clear tears that starting at the corners of her eyes.
"I'm crying...over something so stupid...but I can't...stop. And its almost like-"
Asuka froze instantly as that shocking thought crossed her mind. Drawing her hands away from her face, she didn't even seemed to notice that her eyes were still leaking tears. Now looking down at the bowl in front of her, she bent down while still looking at the bowl, and grabbed the spoon she had dropped earlier. Her hair a disheveled mess from earlier when she had been on the couch, and her eyes still crying silently, she threw all these things out the window as she took another bite. But she was positive this time...
"This taste...its unique...but, I've had it before."
This statement shocked Asuka, and for a moment it seemed that her tears stopped suddenly as though they were even shocked by this. How could she have tasted this before? Its completely impossible. That...idiot, she'd only met him today, so its impossible that she could have tasted it before then. Unless she had had it before at some place in Tokyo-3. But no, she would have remembered something like that, and besides, she hadn't even been out that much.
"Then why-"
But something stopped her.
What if this was another memory? But then...wouldn't that idiot have something to do with her memories? But she had just met him today! It didn't make any sense!
"Damn it...its all so confusing," said Asuka as she laid her head on the table next to the bowl. "But that idio-Shinji...he's so rude... But this...I hate to admit it, but it is good," she said while looking at the bowl of fried rice.
But she couldn't ignore this; it was something that she knew and recognized, but she couldn't remember anything about it. She knew enough about food, to know that it is very difficult to replicate the same taste of something twice over. So she had to assume that she had tried this before, or something incredibly similar to it, and most likely, it had been made by the same person.
"I hate it, but I'm gonna have to ask that idio-" she groaned as she corrected herself, "...Shinji, about this...if only to learn more about my lost memories, since both Misato and Ritsuko don't want to say anything."
She didn't know why, but at that thought, a small smile passed over her face.
"Well...I'll worry about that tomorrow I suppose."
Sitting upright again, she turned her attention back to the fried rice, and quickly devoured it, for a while forgetting how hungry she had been. Standing up, she placed the bowl in the sink, deciding to let Misato deal with the dishes since it had been her idea to ask Shinji to cook in the first place.
After entering her room, she laid down on her futon, and turned off her bedside lamp looking at the small box resting on the nightstand.
'Maybe I shouldn't ask though...' she thought in the end. 'It may be a complete happenstance.'
But she honestly didn't think that.
Rolling over onto her stomach, she buried her face in her soft pillow and quickly fell into peaceful dreams. Peaceful, because oddly enough, Shinji was in them.
The sun had set, yet Shinji still hadn't returned to Nerv. Simply put...he was lonely. No matter what he had told Misato, he missed living with her and Asuka. He missed making breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. But he knew that he couldn't live there, not anymore. He was all alone now, Misato had left him, Ritsuko had now sunken so low that Shinji wasn't sure if he'd be able to look at her again, he was unsure how he should act around Rei, and of course Asuka didn't know him anymore. But it was better this way he supposed. If he distanced himself from the people he cared for, then they wouldn't get hurt.
Looking up at the dark sky, the stars were almost impossible to see because of the many city lights of Tokyo-3. Placing his hands behind his head, Shinji thought, 'If I end of surviving...well, whatever happens in the end, I think I'd like to live in the country somewhere, so I can see the stars and constellations.'
But of course he would be alone even then.
Turning his gaze away from the stars, he looked in the direction of Nerv and said, "The last angel...huh?"
He knew that he had to confront Kaoru eventually, and very soon, but the idea of killing him still irked him. No matter what Kaoru was, Shinji still thought of him as a human, just as he thought Rei as a human.
"I guess I should get back to Nerv though, before anybody starts getting suspicious."
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Shinji started walking into the heart of Tokyo-3 and eventually passed into the Geofront.
Kaoru sat up on the shore of the man made lake inside the Geofront.
The artificial lights that normally lit the Geofront at night were currently dimmed, attempting to conserve power. Costs had been cut, and the backing that Seele had been giving Nerv had slowly been taken away.
Propping himself up with his hands placed behind his back, Kaoru looked across the lake and said, "I guess I should start moving."
Standing up, he looked towards the giant pyramid like structure in the middle of the Geofront. Somewhere, deep beneath the bowels of Central Dogma rested the body of Lilith.
Now though, he moved his gaze to the East where he could feel a resonating AT-field slowly descending into the Geofront.
Smiling slightly, Kaoru said, "I'll be waiting for you...Shinji-kun..."