Chapter 77!
Title: 'Assumptions and Alarms: Part 2'
Note:
SOOO…. I've decided that since the preview actually stood well as a chapter on its own and that this will just be a separate chapter, but a part 2 since I originally planned for this all to be one chapter.
( and sorry for the wait!)
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Hope you enjoy!
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Disclaimer: I own nothing!
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I had no idea what I was doing.
I really had no idea what I was doing here.
All I knew was that after leaving that room, after leaving Kakashi behind, after closing the door and walking down the stairs and then down the road, and then down the street I found my feet hitting the ground harder, my hands slowly tensing into fists, and my thoughts revolving into a senseless blur of frustration and… frustration.
I didn't feel like I was going to hurt anybody or anything but I could feel my blood start to boil somewhere between Kakashi's apartment and the Academy, and I knew it was because of how helpless I felt.
I rushed by the people in the street, not stopping to look at anyone even though I knew some of them were looking at me.
This whole week had been nothing but life throwing me from one palm to the other, juggling me and my feelings into a frenzied and uncontrollable mess.
I was getting sick of it.
I've been dutiful and worried and sad and nervous and anxious and hopeful and happy and tired and miserable this past week because of so many things I couldn't control; I couldn't control what happened to Kakashi, I couldn't control my feelings, I couldn't control how life seemed to make fun of me, I couldn't control how completely out of control I felt.
And right now, I really needed to do something.
To say something.
To change something.
That's why, as I was marching up to the Academy grounds in the middle of the day, as training was in session, I didn't care about the weird looks I got from the nine year olds doing their endurance training or from the older classes across the yard practicing shuriken aim when I had suddenly interrupted their focus on their lessons with my presence. I didn't even care when I could hear a few of them whispering about 'that weird girl in the middle of the yard' but I did care when I heard that voice, the one I had been looking for:
"… try your best, but don't push yourselves, this isn't a competition so…." I heard that familiar voice and tone, and almost like some advanced, audible form of human-catnip my nerves seemed to calm a little, but not nearly enough to make me think twice about bothering my old teacher and new friend at his workplace. I followed his voice as he continued explaining the activity, ignoring the nostalgia when I realized it was one of my favorite exercises from when I was in his class all those years ago.
"Sensei! There's a big girl coming this way!" A little girl called from the front of the line-up I was zeroing in on.
"Huh?" he asked ineloquently, and that's when he looked up. My eyes met his.
He seemed shocked at first, as surprised as I would've been if I had been told this morning that I'd be stomping my way across the Academy lot this afternoon, but he seemed to understand after a moment that this wasn't a random social call.
"Ok, class, start your stretches." He told them without looking at them, already walking to meet me halfway.
"But sensei!" A few of the girls in his class whined for him, a few others laughed amongst themselves.
"Don't worry, I'll be back in a minute." He called back to them before turning to face me again, that was when I noticed his expression.
Complete and thorough worry.
My determination seemed to weakened as I found myself feeding off of his worry.
It was strange how that always happened around Iruka-sensei, how easy it was for me to pick up his feelings as if they were my own.
But in this case it was impeding my plans to liberate myself from all this confusion and frustration by questioning him first.
Then again, it was only a moment later until I forgot all about my 'plans' as he said something, just as we reached a decent meeting spot.
"What's wrong?" His voice had lost its teacher tone, it was softer, as if he was really scared that something emotionally scarring had happened while he wasn't looking after me, and as if he was so ready to blame himself for anything that had happened.
His hands found my shoulders as he asked those two words as well, increasing the visual fervor of his concern.
I suddenly felt as if I was the one who needed to calm him down when I had half expected myself to be the one who needed calming.
"Did something happen?" He asked after a moment, still looking very serious.
I didn't even pause for tact when I spoke up, I just needed to say what I came to say, "I was talking with Kakashi," I immediately noticed a change in his demeanor, just a little fraction of change; Iruka-sensei was never that good at covering up how nervous he could get… but still…. Something wasn't right. "… and he mentioned that he had heard something about… us." I faltered at the end of that sentence, realizing the weight that belonged to that statement now that Iruka-sensei was right here in front of me, but I didn't need to explain it any more clearly, he seemed to know exactly was I was talking about, suddenly he was correcting his posture and clutching his hands away from me as if my skin was painful to touch.
He knew.
"You knew?" I asked, not even filtering or coating my question as I said it without almost any emotion. A group of little kids ran by a few feet behind me, laughing. The sound of sandals hitting the dirt and young voices yelling fake commands brought back a lot of memories, but I ignored the feeling to hear him speak up a moment later.
"What did he say?" He answered my question with a question, hushing his voice.
I barely had enough patience to answer his question first, but I did anyways, knowing he needed some sort of explanation as to why I was interrupting his work.
Though there was something in the way he asked that, as if he already knew what Kakashi could've said and was dreading a particular answer.
"Just that he had heard about some sort of rumor that we were… together" I said as quickly as I was able before revisiting my first question, adding more, "You knew people were talking about us? What are they saying? Why? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Sakura…" He whispered a little insistently. I looked around and saw a few students staring at us. I guessed I was causing a scene. I wondered whether the kids knew about the rumors, or that I was the girl they were about. "Follow me." I felt his fingertips tap my arm for a moment as if he was about to take hold of me but decided against it at the last moment. I knew this was something that would be better talked about in private, but I didn't want him taking over the conversation just yet. He took a few steps past me before I spoke up.
"First answer me." I made him stop in his tracks with that, "Did you know?" I asked with my own insistence.
He looked around a little nervously for a moment again, checking the kids who were running around close by, but when he looked back at me… he seemed… different.
Serious.
"Yes." His voice sounded so plain.
I didn't know what to say although I knew there was so much I could've, but he took my silence as an opportunity.
He motioned gently with his chin towards the open corner of the fence, the little passage that led to the alley behind the school. I remembered all the times kids would sneak away back there, I would always wonder why they left that part of the fence open if they knew kids might skip training. I guess, much like the rest of the tests this village gave us, that was just another loophole they made for us to learn how to silently escape situations without getting caught.
Right now it was a teacher who was leading me to that little escape route, it seemed strange that Iruka-sensei would use this place so casually after all the times he'd find kids from our class back there and would lecture them for several minutes because of it.
Even though I knew I was already tripping down memory lane whether I liked it or not I still focused on my determination, and another new found dose of frustration that came with Iruka-sensei's previous blatant answer.
I got my voice back just as we disappeared from the supervision of his students and into the open, quiet alley.
"And you didn't tell me? You didn't warn me?" I asked seriously, almost accusingly.
I could see a twist of impatience in his expression as he turned around to look down at me again. He must've not liked my tone, but I didn't really care if he did or not, since I had thought Iruka-sensei would've cared enough to tell me about rumors that had been circulating about me.
"Sakura…" He said my name after a sigh. My nerves were soothed momentarily again with his voice. I tried not to let him see that and kept my scowl on. "Let me explain." He looked down at me for a moment, as if asking permission to go on without being interrupted.
I nodded with a little huff.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
She felt something for him.
Something.
Pain or guilt or sadness.
She felt something.
So… why did she keep everything from him?
What could she gain?
Freedom to be with Umino?
That thought inspired a twitch of a frown in his features.
No.
Even if he could barely remember what it felt like to be with her, he could tell that there had to be another reason.
Was waiting for him to recover his memory too much for her?
Maybe she thought he'd never remember her…
…
So, thinking I'd never remember her, she decided to keep everything from me. To keep our past her own secret and move on?
He thought to himself, still sitting in the same spot on the couch, unable to bring himself to move until he figured out this twisted situation.
Why would she do that?
…
Did she think it would make things better?
Maybe she just wanted out?
So she wouldn't have to deal with such an adult relationship?
… No, if that was the case, what would be her excuse for her relationship with…
His mind trailed off, seeing no point in forcing the thought of those two together, in an adult relationship, on his mind.
He is younger than me, less experienced, quiet, and caring, and he may not be as… demanding as I probably was –a cringe of shame interrupted him-… but he's still too much for her. Or, at least, that's what people are saying about her.
If she cared so much about not being discovered in a taboo relationship she would have never rebound with a man only three years younger than me. With a man who's known and cared for her since she was practically a toddler.
And it's difficult to imagine he's a better match for her, he added bitterly.
He covered his eyes so that he could concretrate.
It was shameful enough, as a genius, that he couldn't see through the fog of uncertainty like he usually could, or that his problem-solving skills seemed warped by the problem itself, but he was doing the best he could. This entire issue was something of a landmine field to him. He didn't know where he stood or where to go and what he can say or do that might trigger a messy end. He remembered blurred images and unrooted feelings, but they weren't solid facts he could mix and match into a logical explanation like he was able with any other situation.
He had to be patient with himself, try out different thoughts and reasonings to provoke different feelings.
He couldn't remember who Sakura was in a relationship through memories, but through instinct. And right now, the answer to all of this mess was through how well he knew her by instinct.
Would she leave him if she thought there wasn't a chance of him remembering his own feelings?
Would she leave him for another man?
Had she been happy with him?
Did he push her away?
Did he push her too far?
Did she even do it for herself?
That struck something.
She didn't do it for herself, did she?
That sounded like her… for some reason.
Something like a headache suddenly crept into the center of his skull. The pain expanded from the center outwardly like a migraine, but the pain felt like something else.
He would've called them memories, but they didn't have any images or sounds, it was only a collection of… knowing. Something like an epiphany, but an epiphany he knew he had already had before.
It almost felt as if the answer had been obvious from the start now… that if he had had this knowledge of her and the way she felt from the start he wouldn't have wasted the day in confusion.
She was only doing what he would've done.
He knew that now.
He was learning more about himself now, too, through her.
He had always just wanted normalcy for her, hadn't he?
He always felt like he was stealing away the happiness her youth had meant for her.
If she had forgotten him. If she had turned back into the girl she was before he had taken her over.
He would've done the same.
Let her start over.
Take away the inconvenience he had become to her.
Give her another chance.
…
He felt a smile widen under the hand resting over his features… but it wasn't a smile of happiness or contentment.
It was the smile of a man who had just figured out the game fate was playing with him.
A man who realized that the game he had been cursing this whole week was one he had constructed himself, through her.
He taught her the importance of responsibility in their relationship together… and now, after he had scorned her and pushed her to the edge of that responsibility, now after everything seems to be ending, has he figured everything out.
"As always, you're timing is perfect." He mumbled satirically to himself.
But now that he felt the fog clearing, he could see a choice he had to make.
…
If he would have done the same in her situation and tried to spare her, does it make her choice the right one?
Should he play along in hopes of allowing her the normalcy he had wanted for her?
In hopes she can find happiness somewhere… better?
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
"By the time I had heard about the rumors they were already wide-spread and mixed in with other lies…." The man in front of me explained with somber seriousness. I didn't look at him in the eye, for fear that his serious expression would trigger some sort of childhood condition to suddenly feel guilty for making my teacher scold me; I looked down at my crossed arms, listening determinedly. But as he started the next sentence and his voice softened, I found my eyes forgetting their stoicism. "And I didn't tell you because…" He paused, allowing my eyes to finally look back at him as he searched for a way to say whatever he was thinking, "… you don't deserve this."
I didn't say anything.
There was nothing I could say now that didn't make me feel like a… not very considerate person.
Especially since I had just stormed into his workplace interrogating him about something he was already doing his best to handle by himself.
Despite my stubborn silence, he spoke up again only a moment later. "But I think most of the animosity is being directed towards my name, though, so you won't have to worry about losing any respect in the village."
"You think I care about that?" My arms unfolded and flung to my side as I forgot the volume of my voice with that question.
He looked back to the open fence behind me, looking for any eavesdroppers.
I took a breath and lowered my voice as I gave him a new question that I actually wanted answered, "What are people saying about you?"
His eyes immediately left the fence and shot at me before finding something on the ground to focus on.
"Sakura…" The tone of his voice weakened involuntarily, "… I'd rather not say."
My stomach flipped a little, realizing that they were probably saying some really unpleasant things about him... because of me.
Something else unpleasant dug into my mind and sparked a sharp response from me, "But you're a teacher… if the wrong people find out about this…" I trailed off, suddenly overwhelmed not only by the seriousness of this situation for Iruka-sensei but with a giant wave of déjà vu as I remembered having a conversation very similar to this with Kakashi a long time ago.
He didn't share my sudden concern, and only smiled faintly.
"I hope they know me well enough to believe the truth."
I was about to raise my own concerns again and point out that most of the village had already forgotten how well they knew Iruka-sensei, but that was before there was a young-voiced interruption from the other side of the fence.
"Who do you think that girl was?" The random voice asked another, drawing both of our attention.
"I dunno, but I heard that I-ru-ka-sensei…" the kid enunciated Iruka-sensei's name, making fun of the word's original meaning, "…is dating one of his students."
My stomach went cold as my fists felt warm from tensing. I wasn't looking at Iruka-sensei, but I could feel him shift in his stance uncomfortably beside me.
"Uwa! Really?" Several other voices chimed in, remarking with just as much gossipy shock as the next.
"Yeah! My mom was talking to my dad and said that 'men like him only teach so they can eat unripe fruit'."
Half my brain then froze over as the other half tried to convince me it was okay to leap over that fence and pummel small schoolchildren.
"What does that mean?" A littler voice asked almost too quietly to hear.
"Haha, you don't know?~" The others laughed.
"Oi, you there!" An adult voice of a teacher I didn't recognize piped in and set the voices scurrying away.
I huffed, wishing I had seen the kids' faces so that I could punch them when I see them again in the village, even if it was at the market in front of their mothers, I still felt like they needed some serious pain. And that kid's mother needed some pain, too.
But my thoughts of child and mother abuse ceased as I turned around to face Iruka-sensei again.
I realized that it had been easier for me to hear that than it had been for him.
Of course, it had been.
Iruka-sensei was one of the best teachers at the Academy, the best in my opinion. He loved teaching and loved seeing his students grow into respected shinobi. If it hadn't been for Iruka-sensei Naruto would've never gotten to where he is now…. well, sure he was still a Genin, but people are really starting to look up to him.
For Iruka-sensei to be betrayed by his students he cares so much for like this….
He wouldn't have seemed too upset to most people, but over the past couple of days I've learned how to read him much better than when I was younger. And even though he seemed unchanged from before, I could tell from the way his arms were folded over his chest and the way he wouldn't look at me that not only had this hurt him, but that it wasn't the first time he's had to deal with that.
I looked at him quietly for a few more moments, not really thinking of anything to say, but he stopped the silence after a few more of those uncomfortable seconds, "They're just kids-"
"Your own students have been picking on you, haven't they?" I stopped him with that harsh question. I didn't know why I didn't just let him shrug it off, but all I knew was that the moment I saw him try to use that fake smile in front of me I had to stop it.
His smile did go away, but it was only replaced by an even simpler tone for his answer. I didn't like it.
"Children pick up the aggression from their parents. It isn't their fault. It isn't the parents' fault either; I'd be just as hesitant to leave a child in the care of… me."
Again he tried to act like none of this mattered, now I wanted to punch him to make him show me what he was actually feeling, but I knew better than to actually sock one of my closest friends in the face for being too considerate.
I still wanted to yell at him, or someone, anyone!
'It's not Iruka! It's not Kakashi! Nothing wrong is happening. So everyone needs to shut up!'
My determination and frustration from before that had nearly been eradicated suddenly sprang into life with new realizations and new targets as I finally realized that there was someone I could punch in the face for all this, "Who started this?" I asked roughly without segue. He only looked at me for a moment. "Who started these rumors?" I took a step closer to Iruka-sensei, as if I could intimidate the answer out of him.
It didn't seem to work, but he still picked up his voice and answered, averting his eyes again… only this time he seemed to adopt some of his own anger in his voice this time.
"A… colleague of mine, he- uh… he started all this out of boredom-"
"Who?" I asked with more hostility in my voice than I thought there was going to be. But I could feel it; as soon as he pointed to the person responsible I was going to hurt them as much as I could without calling the attention of the authorities. I'd knock them out and heal them so they wouldn't have proof of my assault.
But Iruka only softened his expression again and looked back to me.
His words interrupted my scheming.
"It's fine, Sakura. I already talked to him yesterday."
I huffed again, turning to the fence and taking a few steps toward it, wondering whether that 'colleague' was only a few sprints away from meeting my fist.
"I don't want to 'talk' to him." I countered his civilized response, too focused on the other side of that fence to notice when Iruka-sensei had walked up beside me.
"Yeah." He chuckled airily, I looked over to him. "He's not easy to talk to." He raised his hand in the air, displaying his knuckles.
I was confused for only a moment until I remembered healing those knuckles only last night.
…
"Oh."
It was a simple response on my part, mostly because thinking about Iruka-sensei punching anyone hard enough to hurt himself was awe-inspiring as well as the fact that it had made me feel a little ridiculous for being so ready to do what he had already done for himself, but whatever it was about my face or voice it made him smile and that was good enough for me.
It was good to see a real smile from him again.
"Don't worry about me, Sakura… I can take care of myself." He said softly, I felt my expression tense. I wasn't going to stop worrying about him because he tells me to. He seemed to notice my reaction and added another comment. "You have your own problems to care for."
My expression dropped, not out of sadness but out of exhaustion.
"Not anymore." I answered cryptically.
"What?"
I sighed deeply, feeling the frustration build again, "I'm just going to let him think what he wants."
He looked at me for a moment, I just stared blankly ahead at the stupid kids doing their stupid exercises, feeling like I was still one of them… especially when Iruka-sensei was looking at me with that face I knew he had on: that 'worried-teacher' face he gets when he sees one of us making a mistake we should know better than to make.
His next comment proved my assumption right.
"You lied to him."
Ugh!
"It wasn't a lie." I spoke up quickly, facing him again. His eyes widened a little as if to say 'So the rumors aren't a lie? When were you going to tell me?' I gave another frustrated huff and explained further,"He's the one that assumed everything…. I just let him think what he wanted."
"I doubt he'd want to think of us that way." He said quietly, almost to himself. I didn't have anything to say to that, and he knew it, so he picked up his voice and went back to his main point, "But the rumors… they aren't true…. And we can't just pick and choose who they're real for without admitting everything to everyone."
…Wait…
"Mou!" I exclaimed at myself, cursing my lack of logic. Iruka-sensei jumped a little, his eyes flashing to the opening of the fence again as my rant started and stopped within moments, "Everything's just so-"
I cut myself off, having no words to explain anything anymore.
He looked back to me again, his eyes gentler than before, as was his voice, cutting my anxiety in half.
"Sakura, I know things might seem at their worst with Kakashi right now because of this… but…"
"No, it's fine." I didn't want Iruka-sensei to worry about this, not when he already had so much to deal with. "He's been acting…." I started, but decided to skip the explanation of what exactly happened today and get to the outcome, "Well… Maybe he'll leave me alone, now."
"You don't want that." He told the truth.
"But he does." I answered as simply as I could.
He sighed the same sigh he'd give whenever I had complained in his class about not having enough to study in a day, but the voice that followed it wasn't the voice he'd used with me as a teacher. It was deeper, gentler… it reminded me of last night. The memory worked as an antidote against the sharpest sting of my worries.
"Sakura." His hand hesitantly found my shoulder; I liked the way he said my name, "I'll fix this….Trust me"
…What?
"Iru-"
I was about to ask him what he meant by that but he interrupted me.
"I have to get back now. I'll see you tomorrow."
His hand left me and he was already walking away from me when I tried to stop him.
"But-"
"Go get some rest." He called back at me, looking over his shoulder with one of his real smiles.
I would've followed after him and demanded answers, but I felt like I had bothered him enough today… besides, I knew I could trust him.
… Trust.
Weren't you the one always telling me to trust you?
I asked Kakashi in my head, remembering all the times I had caused trouble for him by not doing so.
…
Hypocrite.
I added bitterly before shaking my head of the thought and looking over at Iruka-sensei walk away.
I wished I could see his smile again, but I decided to take his advice.
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He checked over his shoulder one last time before he knew he would have to push his personal life aside as he gathered his chaotic class, the pink-haired girl he had been talking to was walking away quietly.
He smiled again.
He knew this shouldn't be the time to smile, but there was something about her today.
She was thinking recklessly and dramatically.
…
She's getting her strength back…
His smile widened momentarily, almost a laugh, as he thought back to how ready she was to pummel Kuroke for him.
…
At least, out of everything that's happening today, he didn't have to worry about her getting too down.
… He took a moment to think through that thought again.
'everything that's happening today'…
Today was going to be eventful, wasn't it?
He didn't know how he knew, or what he was planning, but he knew it couldn't wait until tomorrow.
Not with the way things have turned out.
…
He had tried to hide the rumors from Sakura… he should've known she'd hear about them.
He had tried to keep from inconveniencing her… he's only added more complications to her life.
He had tried to inspire jealousy in Kakashi for her… that was the worst failure yet.
…
Kakashi had only walked away.
He had given up… and walked away.
And now he had separated himself from Sakura even farther.
…
He needed to fix this.
…
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
…
He had no idea what he was doing.
He had no idea what he was doing here.
He didn't let it show, though.
He walked down the quickly darkening street as calmly as any other evening, his hands in his pockets and his gaze cast upward towards the purpling sky, but inside his head was a mess of different scenarios and conversations.
He hadn't felt this nervous over something so simple since he was half his own age.
…
But this wasn't simple, was it?
…
Nothing about her is.
All I can remember about her is how complicated life had made it for me to hold onto.…
… well, I guess past doesn't matter anymore.
…
She's moved on and I've 'forgotten' it.
…
He didn't notice the furrow in his brow at that thought…
All he knew what that even though the past wasn't important anymore, his decision right now was more important than anything else to him.
… He felt like an idiot for feeling that way… as well as for what he was wearing.
He couldn't tell if he was being manipulative or if it was a peace-offering… but, again, he guessed it didn't matter.
He was too worried about what she would think to think about his own opinion.
He would've smiled at himself if he hadn't been scowling.
… … … … … … … … … … … …
Taking Iruka-sensei's advice I'd been napping from the moment I came home and collapsed in my bed, sleeping like a stone, until I heard a knock on my door.
Tap, tap, tap.
Half asleep, the knocking sounded 'wrong' to me. I was used to the sound of a knuckle against a glass door, not a wooden one. After only a moment I realized that it wasn't Kakashi knocking on my balcony door but someone knocking on my bedroom door.
"Uyeah?" I called out groggily, lifting my head from my pillow slowly.
In the moment I waited for a response I looked over blurry-eyed at Warble.
'7:46pm' he told me.
I groaned, wishing it was morning already.
"Kakashi-san is here to see you."
. . .
I sprang out of bed head first, tumbling onto the floor like an intellectually-challenged turtle, waiting to remember how to use my feet.
"Are you okay in there?" My mother's muffled voice asked through the door. She had probably heard the deep thud my body made on the floor and the scrambling that followed.
"Eh, yeah!" I called back, lifting myself to my feet. I ran to my door, opening it.
She was just standing there normally, it seemed strange to me how normal she was since my whole day has been flipped upside-down by the fact that she just said Kakashi-sensei 'is here to see me', at my house.
Not that I was happy about him visiting me, of course.
… of course….
"How long has he been here?" I asked with a pant, my hands immediately attempting to flatten the wispy knots that had collected on the top of my head from rolling around too much in my sleep.
"Just a few minutes." She answered with some curiosity in her voice before it fell into that parent-mode, "He said he needed to tell you something about a mission or something."
. . .
"Oh. Yeah. Ok." I answered with broken pauses, trying to act nonchalant.
A moment of silence passed as I stood there, computing everything in my groggy brain.
Mom just took that as her sign to leave as I put something over my pajamas and fix my hair, as is normal for greeting superiors, and not because she thought that I wanted to look nice for him… hopefully, "I'll let him know you'll be down in a moment." She said as she started down the narrow stairway.
But as I was supposed to take that 'moment' and fix myself up, I actually just ended up walking back and forth two or three paces either way, too frenzied to even pace completely as I felt the anxiety seep in.
I wondered why my first reaction was so… positive.
It's like I'd forgotten what had happened today… what he said… what he thought of me…
This isn't a good thing.
Him visiting me is not a good thing.
It just can't be.
…
So why does my stomach feel like it's floating up to my heart?
…
No time for stupid questions!
I grabbed a small sweater to put over my tank top, and then I looked down at my shorts.
…
These shorts look so stupid.
They're pajamas, after all.
I don't want to go out there like this.
But it's not like I have time to find something else to put on.
Plus, at least they match the tank-top, if I get anything else, they won't match.
I'd probably look even more stupid with a skirt on, wouldn't I?
What does it matter?
He's seen me in these pajamas before… even without the top, that one time.
But he doesn't remember that.
And this time he won't think I'm cute just because he has feelings for me… he'll see me and think I look stupid.
THAT'LL be a great follow up to our conversation this afternoon.
Exactly what I need: him thinking I look stupid!
"Sakura!" My mom called my name.
I panicked, deciding to throw caution to the wind and walk out my bedroom door with the stupid shorts on, fixing the little knots in my hair some more. I was happy I had short hair, or else this would be more difficult.
…
That's another stupid thought.
I should be thinking about what he's doing here, what the mission's going to be about, not hair!
…
And whether I had finally snapped myself out of that girly-spell or if I was just too distracted by the sight of him to even think about what I look like anymore my mind spun and reset as my eyes found him.
He was standing just inside the doorway, facing my mom as she was saying something I couldn't compute.
For all I knew she was sharing embarrassing baby stories with him, but I wouldn't have noticed or cared because I was too focused on him.
He was very normal, too normal.
Of course it wasn't normal to see him talking with my mother since it had recently been one of my priorities to make sure they never meet again since the last time they talked it ended in trouble. And it wasn't normal that the man I felt so strongly for was only 5 years younger than my mother. As well as the fact that it was so strange for him to visit me through the invitation of my parents and not just through my balcony window.
But he was acting so normally, even though he must've known it was a little strange to be wearing that shirt so soon.
It was the shirt he had lent me yesterday, the one I had returned to him only hours ago.
It had always been one of my favorite shirts of his because of the way it looked on him.
Even now I couldn't say it didn't look good on him.
But seeing him standing there, acting so normal while he was communicating something to me by wearing that shirt was so strange.
Before I could really make sense of the situation I took the final step off the stairs and gained the attention of the two adults in the room.
"Done grooming yourself already?" Mom spoke up with her bad-joke tone.
I immediately felt like running her out of the room for being one of those stereotypically embarrassing parents, if I hadn't been busy checking Kakashi's reaction to her joke.
He didn't seem at all changed.
…
I guess that was expected.
…
"Well, I'll leave you two to your business-talk." Mom excused herself after the awkward few seconds following her 'joke'.
Before I took another step Kakashi-sensei turned to the door and took the few paces he needed to be outside of it again.
That was a little strange, but I followed him.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
With some difficulty he listened to Haruno-san's complaining about having too much housework to do to go to the marketplace herself, and having to ask her neighbor to pick up groceries for her since her daughter, the girl he was here to see for partially unprofessional reasons related to the fact he had once had an inappropriately romantic relationship with, was always 'too busy being a teenager to help around the house'.
All Kakashi could gain from this conversation was the faint relief that her mother had been cut off from the usual breeding ground of rumors… including the ones concerning her daughter and her relationship with yet another teacher besides the one standing in front of her.
Something about that thought displeased him… the fact that the way an outsider would see it, is that Sakura has seemed to have developed a romantic taste for male teachers.
He was distracted from those unpleasant thoughts when he heard more footsteps coming down from the second floor. He was reminded of the last activity he had heard from up there, her mother waking her up, a noisy thud he had almost laughed at- if he hadn't had been as tense as he is now- and a few more muffled words between a familiar voice and her mother's.
He tried to pretend to not notice the girl walking down the stairs.
She paused.
He could feel her staring at him.
He didn't react.
He knew she'd be confused at first.
Her mother finally stopped talking about increasing vegetable prices and looked over to the pink-haired girl he'd been 'watching' since she first stepped into the room. He acted as if he just noticed her now too.
"Done grooming yourself already?" Her mother piped up, joking.
Something in him was tempted to smile.
He didn't know if it was because it was such a ridiculous thing to say to her daughter in front of her superior, or if he thought the fact Sakura wanted to look good for him was cute.
He decided to push the choice out of his mind, trying not to tempt himself with hope.
Her mother excused herself from the room quickly.
He only stood for a moment, looking at her again.
He could definitely tell she'd been sleeping a few minutes ago, but it made her look… -he was careful with his judgment-… he didn't dislike the way she looked.
Something about it was... familiar.
As well as something about seeing her in her pajamas seemed familiar to him.
… The fact that that probably meant he had had more than a few memories of seeing her half-asleep in pajamas, therefore at night, was slightly unsettling to him, but only for the reason that he couldn't help but momentarily wish he had gained back those memories in particular.
As if trying to leave those thoughts behind he turned and walked back out the door he had trouble crossing only minutes before when her mother had invited him in.
But there was another reason he needed to have both himself and her leave the room, he couldn't have her mother listening in and picking up on any hints of perhaps not his own previous romantic involvement with her daughter, but her daughter's new romance that has swept the gossipers of the village into a 'taboo-hate'-loving frenzy.
He took a breath before turning around and starting the conversation he knew could go wrong in so many ways.
… … … … …. …. … …. … …. …. …. … … … … … … … …
He turned to face me, already talking before I could think of anything to say that could be at all professional.
"I came to tell you that we have another mission tomorrow. Usual meeting time and place." He explained with a severe business tone.
I had expected more, somehow… but I resigned myself to really only having a 'business-relationship' with Kakashi-sensei from now on… so… this was probably the best our interactions were going to get weren't they?
In spite of the pang of discomfort that idea gave me, I still nodded professionally and spoke up quietly, "Ok, thank you."
I was pretty sure that was it.
I didn't want to try and push this visit into something else so I gave him one more nod and shifted my feet to turn myself around, go through the door, close it, and collapse on my bed, disappointed.
But that plan was interrupted with his voice.
"I also came to apologize."
Something in me swelled when I suddenly realized that this visit of his wasn't just business, but I really didn't give the word 'apologize' a second thought, which explained my not-so-thoughtful answer:
"For what?" I asked as I turned back to him, happy that I could look at him again.
His expression seemed to harden as he spoke up next, not as if he didn't like what he was saying, but in the way that he felt like this was a really important matter, "I was out of line, talking to you like that today. What you do with your personal life is your choice and it was irresponsible of me to judge it so casually."
…
'My personal life'?
…
The way he said that… it's as if he was talking about a world he didn't belong to.
He really must have had no idea that my personal life consists of him.
I tried not to focus on that and instead on my next question, which was more crucial than probably anything else I've said today, "Really? So you're fine with the… rumors about Iruka-sensei and-"
"No."
I blinked at his stern interruption.
"What?" I asked before I could really understand exactly how unprofessional that answer of his was. All I knew was that I had been expecting a vague answer like 'It doesn't matter whether I'm fine with it.'
"I said it was your choice, I never said I approved of it." He explained seriously.
If I hadn't gotten used to looking him in the eye when he was so serious I probably would've looked away to ask my next question, but, luckily, even if he didn't remember how I acquired the skill, I knew how to handle myself around him better than I used to.
"Why not?" I asked almost as a child would, but it was definitely something I wanted to know now, and not something I wanted to find out tomorrow or the next day.
Why did he disapprove of my 'relationship' with Iruka-sensei?
Why would he have a problem with us?
Something about him changed after I asked that simple, demanding question, his demeanor seemed to soften a little, as if he enjoyed my bothering questioning, but his voice only grew more serious with his explanation.
"Haruno." despite his almost invisibly softer disposition he seemed to want to push my buttons or something because I always hated it when he called me by my last name, and he probably knew it "As your captain and superior I can't condone a distracting relationship." He explained with that serious tone, looking down at me as if I was fourteen again.
I stared at him quietly.
That was when I noticed the change in his expression. It was hard to describe because I could barely see it under his mask and forehead protector, but I knew something changed. He started an answer that could change everything…
"But… as myself…."
I looked up at him, wishing I was shy enough to look away before I got any further trapped by his masked features to read something I knew wasn't there, to hear an answer he wouldn't ever possibly say again.
And then I recognized that look he was giving me.… I wasn't fourteen anymore, and I could see he saw that.
I listened for the rest of his answer, but got something entirely different.
DONG DONG DONG
We both looked over to the center of the village where the deep reverberating sound of an old bell was emanating. The echoes of that bell found it's way into ever corner of the street, filling up the space with weightless tension before it started to fade.
I took a few steps forward, stopping just a pace ahead of Kakashi-sensei.
Silence took over the village again, but this silence was now heavier than the chiming that had interrupted it.
It felt as if the entire village was working to make itself as quiet as possible now.
It was a busy silence.
I could feel something was happening.
I turned back to Kakashi-sensei, I saw my mom peek her head out the kitchen window curiously, I searched Kakashi's face for answers.
His expression was almost blank, he only seemed to be scanning the navy blue skyline for something I didn't know to look for, I waited for some sort of explanation.
His voice delivered one after a moment.
"It's a low alert."
… A 'low alert'?
I asked in my head, scraping at the memorized textbooks in my head to remember where I had heard that before.
I remembered something about a 'low alert' from when I was eleven, but I couldn't remember.
He seemed to know I was still a little confused.
"It means there's an intruder who made it over the wall." His voice was quiet now, blending into the stillness of the village.
"What's the protocol for a 'low alert'?" I asked looking over the skyline, too.
His teacher-voice came back as quick as lightening as he delivered his own memorized information, "By now, the Hokage has already sent out orders for a group to go on an active search while all others lay low and stay hidden. The active group acts as a decoy to draw out the intruder while the others ambush."
"'All others'?" I asked for myself.
"Including you." He said a little louder, I wondered why he did until the moment I realized my mom had heard it too when she suddenly whisper-yelled out the window:
"Your sandals are by the hose, drying!"
I groaned at the realization that I'd be running around the village, not only in my pajamas, but in wet sandals. But I was distracted from that horrible fate when, after taking a step towards my soggy sandals I heard what I thought was a chuckle from the man standing next to me.
I could've been wrong, but I wanted to believe I wasn't.
Though, if he did laugh just now, it would've been at me... or my mom. No, that's not like him, he only laughs like that at me, doesn't he?
I could almost feel a sense of pride over that thought if it hadn't been so undignified.
I slid on the wet things, tugged at my sweater for more warmth and I gave a fervent wave to my mom to let her know I'll be going as I walked back up to him.
"Ready?" He asked without looking at me.
Something about his tone, about standing here next to him ready to start an impromptu mission, it was exhilarating. I had almost forgotten about the answer he hadn't given me a few minutes ago. I couldn't even care now that I remembered again. I just loved this feeling. Being by his side.
After only a moment I gave a firm nod and we both took off at the same moment, heading to the roofs of the vending booths nearby to climb onto the higher landings.
I had no idea where we were going, and I knew I shouldn't be enjoying a 'low alert' so much, but still.
I looked around quickly, I couldn't see anyone else around, but I knew there were others all over the place. I wondered if they saw us, either.
We passed over the fourth building and he spoke up again.
"Is this your first low alert?" He asked over the rush of the wind for reasons I didn't know. I would've thought he'd want to keep the village's silence, too.
Maybe he could tell I was enjoying myself… but that had nothing to do with the alert.
"Yeah, uh, I had to stay home the last time there was one." I answered only a little awkwardly, having to recall a hazy memory of being eleven and home-bound from real missions.
He took a moment.
"I'd forgotten the last one was five years ago." He said mostly to himself, with that tone. That tone he'd get whenever he remembered just how young I was… it was strange to hear it again after so long, but I didn't pay attention to that when he spoke again, his voice back into teacher-mode, "These are usually only waiting games that kids from other villages pull on us. We haven't seen a self-respecting shinobi ever actually trip the alarm since I was younger than you." I would've been reassured by that if I had not only been looking forward to some action but hoping he wouldn't mention how young I was again.
The way he said it, too, I felt like this was some sort of challenge again.
A competitive nature was re-awoken in me with that.
"That must've been a really long time ago." I said over the wind with a relaxed tone.
I could tell he looked over at me with that, I stared ahead as long as I could before a smile won the war over my face. I only glimpsed at him, but I swore I saw what I could recognize as a smile under that moonlit mask.
"But, it's nothing to worry about?" I asked, serious this time.
"Probably not." He answered, his voice distinctly affected by a smile. I loved his voice like that so much.
I enjoyed a few moments of quiet, running by his side, loving the fact that I had made him smile, loving the wind and the cold. I didn't even care about my sandals or shorts anymore, as far as I was concerned this was the most fun I've had with Kakashi in too long to be interrupted by wet shoes and stupid clothes.
But we were interrupted suddenly, "Kakashi-san."
A dull voice spoke from nowhere just before I noticed an ANBU member running alongside Kakashi.
It wasn't until a moment later that I realized they were already talking even though I couldn't hear anything.
"Go back and tell the others I'll be there soon." He said in a normal voice, probably just so that I could hear.
"Right." The ANBU member responded quickly before disappearing.
Kakashi slowed to a stop as I did, too.
"Sakura, I have to go." I barely noticed what he said at that moment, too surprised that we were back on first-name-basis. But after I realized what he meant I knew that it was probably for something really important, knowing his station in the village. "Go to the south wall and wait there and stay hidden. I'll find you when I get back." He ordered professionally.
Something about the way he said that sparked the challenger in me again. I spoke without thinking.
"You can try." I joked, recalling the training he didn't remember giving me.
I was almost afraid he wouldn't like my attitude, being my captain right now, but instead he laughed.
My stomach floated higher as I suddenly felt proud of myself, my smile brightened idiotically.
After his laugh ended I had expected him to leave immediately, but he lingered just for a moment. It was too short of time to say anything else, but I didn't feel like I was supposed to say anything.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
He should've left seconds ago, but he stayed to give her one last look.
He focused on her smile.
That smile.
So familiar, so beautiful.
He felt a warmth spread through his chest as all he could think of doing was reaching out to her. He didn't know for what.
Just to feel her?
...
To know he can exist in her world no matter how far away from her he felt in this moment.
...
He wished he could hold her face in his hands.
He wished he could posses that smile.
He wished he could feel that smile against his lips the way some part of him remembered.
But those were wishes he had to ignore.
If he acted on them, there was no knowing how far she would withdraw from him.
…
But even so, he knew he could survive this now.
As her captain.
As her friend.
…
Iruka's time with her couldn't last forever.
His hadn't.
…
But he'd be here for her, always.
Waiting.
...
He left her before she knew he was gone, already on his way to the meeting.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
His head already bleary from grading tests, he looked out the window of his apartment, his hand rubbing his aching neck.
He thought back to the school day.
The hard time the kids gave him. The visit Sakura gave him.
He almost laughed, again, at the memory of her pugnacity.
...
He wanted to talk with her again.
...
But his full attention was stolen through that window when three loud chimes echoed through the village. It had been a long time but he still remembered what that meant.
He got up from his desk, grabbing his forehead protector on his way to the door, sighing at the interruption.
But that was when he realized that his thoughts from earlier today were going to be more accurate than he ever thought.
A lot is going to be happening today... isn't it?
...
This was his chance to fix everything.
He hoped he knew what he was doing.
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And so the plot thickens!
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Oh, and keep an eye out for the 4th Chapter of Konoha Gakuen!