Chapter 78
Title: 'Was This How It Was Supposed To Happen? Part 1'
Note:
These two chapters took a whole culmilative of 14 hours to write, that's right. And the only breaks in those 14 hours were to sit there and think about what to say next.
And it's finals week coming up, gah!
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I think I'll have the next chapter out by th week after next… I say 'think' because we all know that my updating schedule has been varying lately. Sorry!
…
Anyways, enjoy the chapter!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
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"What do we know?" He asked, his demeanor completely changed from the few minutes beforehand. Having lost most of the humor he had shared with that girl, he walked across the balcony determinedly, listening to an equally stone-faced chuunin recite the current intel on the alarm.
"A single intruder was spotted over the West wall, disappearing into tree-cover. There hasn't been any further information."
Kakashi nodded at the chuunin, excusing him, not slowing his pace as he followed through a few more strides to find the Hokage's side.
The artificially young woman seemed tense, but quiet. She looked over the dark skyline with a scowl that appeared more lucid than normal, alert.
Kakashi glanced at Shizune, checking with the nervous woman –the Hokage's closest assistant and friend- if his presence was necessary.
Shizune looked him in the eye for only a moment before looking down at a sleepy pig resting in her arms, it was only a glance but he knew that meant he had better say something.
He turned on the spot, stepping forward, looking over the buildings.
"It's not a kid this time, is it?" He asked with solemn casualness. He could sense the tension build in the scurrying chuunin and jounin invisibly guarding the Hokage's building below as they listened to his words, they weren't used to someone addressing the Hokage so carelessly. He ignored them.
The Hokage sighed inwardly, her crossed arms pulling tighter together.
"Maybe." She muttered before pausing a long moment. "… There's something menacing about the air tonight."
Shizune looked over to the blonde woman with a confused expression after that last sentence, worrying about what the woman had meant through that cryptic phrase.
Kakashi only nodded, understanding. It was a heavy feeling, a spiritual humidity, he could feel it too.
"I'll have them," she nodded downwards at her tense bodyguards, "tell the others that we're probably in for more than we first expected… All I want you to do, Kakashi, is keep a close eye on the Western woods. We'll stay back in case the alarm is only a decoy." The Hokage ordered gently, still scrutinizing the dark buildings.
Kakashi nodded again and immediately left her side.
He strode along the side of the building, making his way to the West despite his instinct to go South.
That was before he was interrupted by an unlikely obstacle.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
I finally found a spot on the Southern wall that seemed hidden enough. It was a fault in the architecture of the wall that created a five foot deep pocket between two beams spaced three feet apart. I remembered playing hide and seek –which was considerably competitive amongst the children in the Academy- and hiding here often.
It seemed bigger then, of course.
I settled into the shadows as quietly as I could, trying to keep an alert eye on the gates to my left or the edge of the forest in front of me
I tried to watch for any shadows that didn't belong, anything that moved even if the wind moved it, anything that made a sound… but I found my mind wandering a little.
His smile.
There wasn't anything else in my world that could so thoroughly distract me. I cringed, staying completely still otherwise, trying to push the thought from my head.
I might have lost the battle against him in the sense that he and all my thoughts of him had monopolized my personalized life, but I wasn't going to hand over the lease of my business-mind to him as well.
I needed to keep him separate from my thoughts at times like these, I needed to clear my mind like I was trained to and only think of my objective.
Stay hidden.
Investigate movement.
Stay hidden.
Investigate movement.
Stay Hidden.
'I'll find you when I get back'
I wonder if he's done already.
I wonder if he really could find me.
My hiding skills have improved since our first lesson together.
It's not like he could pop up behind me this time, I'm practically inside a wall.
What if he can't fin-
I cringed at myself, realizing I had failed again.
I started over:
Stay hidden.
Investigate movement.
Stay hidden.
Investigate movement.
Stay Hidden.
Investigate movement.
Stay Hidden.
He looked really good in that shirt again.
…
DAMN IT!
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The teacher didn't know whether to be grateful or disappointed that he had actually gotten there in time to see the silver-haired man in passing. A part of him had hoped that he would miss the man by just a few seconds; that he wouldn't have the chance to say what he told himself he had to.
Iruka took a few slow steps forward, absent-mindedly listening to other chuunin discuss how the intruder is turning out much more difficult to track than first thought, as Kakashi strode quickly in the opposite direction, towards the teacher. Iruka stared at him without any thought of looking away, trying to get the other man's attention quietly. The older man must have known who he was about to pass by, he must've known he was being watched, he must've known Iruka wanted his attention, he must've known that Iruka wouldn't have so blatantly asked for his attention unless it was something important, but he only stared ahead of himself as he walked, undisturbed, past him.
The teacher was left, ignored and overlooked, too troublesome to even acknowledge.
…
At that, something began to bubble in Iruka's chest… something heavy and sluggish, molten metal.
He wasn't very familiar with the depth of its meaning, the way his anger could actually effect visceral sensations, but he remembered the last time he felt like this. It was right before his fist had collided with Kuroke's face.
He had thought that had been a fluke, that there was no way he could feel that amount of anger again so soon and with so little provocation.
But as he stood there, ignoring the other chuunin and jounin who were discussing the investigation plans he knew he should ask for in order to help the village, he couldn't care about anything else except the bubbling in his chest and the tightness of his jaw.
He knew his plans had acted against him in these past few days… he knew that his decisions had gotten away from him recently… and knowing that had nearly scared him out of coming here. But now he couldn't find anything in him that cared if what he came here to say would go well or wrong.
All he wanted was to see that silver-haired man acknowledge his words, to react… in any way.
"Kakashi." Iruka spoke with a restrained voice, dropping honorifics and making no effort in hiding the newly-found tone of distaste.
He heard the man who had ignored him only moments earlier slow to a stop.
Iruka turned. He controlled the volume of his footfalls as he made his way to the other man.
Kakashi said nothing, but turned around as well.
The moment Iruka saw the man's masked face he understood something that had escaped him until then, something that suddenly made sense even though it seemed so far-fetched:
Kakashi was angry, too….
Not only angry, but…. threatened.
Because of Iruka's closeness with Sakura…
His relationship with her….
…
For a dark moment the bubbling in Iruka's chest molded into something lighter, something dangerously close to… pride.
Only having the moment before the other man spoke, Iruka couldn't make much sense of that feeling, but he didn't need to.
"What do you want?" Kakashi didn't forgive Iruka much time for his interruption.
"Where's Sakura positioned?" Iruka asked with a tone that resembled small-talk.
He could tell that by even saying her name so casually he had insulted Kakashi.
"South wall." Kakashi answered stolidly, abruptly, as if any mention of Sakura was enough for him to want to leave the conversation immediately, giving Iruka even less an allowance of his time.
Iruka didn't want much more time.
He wouldn't need it.
Just as Kakashi was about to turn away Iruka spoke up.
"What I told you before…" He said aloud, standing his ground as he felt the light metal bubble up into his throat when he noticed the change in Kakashi's at the mention of their previous conversation.
"I lied."
Shocked silence took over the older man. "What?" He managed to say after a moment.
…
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….
The dark figure in the trees waited.
It hadn't gotten the signal yet.
It waited.
Impatiently.
…
It looked around for something to do.
It wasn't long before it found it.
….
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…
Even under the order to remain inconspicuous Iruka found his way to the Southern wall easily, but preparing his mind for battle was more difficult, mainly because he didn't expect any physical battle.
This was a battle with himself.
…
After what he had told Kakashi only a few minutes ago… he didn't have a choice anymore.
He had to be sure to keep telling himself that.
…
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I leaned against the shadowed wall, growing a little tired, but not letting it affect my focus.
I could still see every leaf move and hear every bug chirp, but just like it had been for the past twenty minutes, it had only been leaves and bugs that have done any moving.
I started to wonder if maybe the alarm had already been called off and somebody just forgot to tell me.
Though, I can't imagine Kakashi would've forgotten me.
…
Unless this turned out to be something serious and he can't leave the Hokage's side yet.
I let my eyes wander over my view, looking harder than before, wishing to catch a glimpse of something out of the ordinary so that I could either follow it into a fight or report it… anything that didn't leave me in this cold little nook for the next two hours twiddling my thumbs.
And just as if reality was answering my hopeful thinking I saw something… strange.
A dark figure rising up between the branches of the tree at the far end of the wall.
I looked harder, squinting my eyes, trying to focusing more light into them from the darkness.
It almost looked like the frame of a person, but… it didn't seem right… it seemed different.
I took a silent step forward, still covered by the shadows of my little nook, but the moment I thought I could tell it was a human outline, it was gone.
I took another step, leaving the darkness behind, slipping a kunai out of my satchel and into my hand. I knew it was a risky move, walking into the open, but if something was really there then I would have to confront them anyways… this was just my invitation for them to stop hiding.
I finished another step, my left foot meeting the ground beside my right, the sand crunching a little underneath it.
The wind blew a cold whistle through the trees, rustling the leaves, rearranging them… I watched closely for anything to be uncovered.
… Nothing.
…
It must have only been my hopeful thinking.
"Sakura."
I jumped when that voice came at me from behind my back. I twirled on the spot, the kunai raised, instincts having already kicked in before I could recognize that voice.
But even as I thought I knew who's voice that was, even as my heart sped up in surprise and anticipation, the moment I saw that the hand that had grabbed my kunai-wielding one was gloveless and slightly tan I realized my first thought had been wrong.
It seems like such a drastic mistake to make, thinking Iruka-sensei's voice as Kakashi's, but I wasn't so confused about that mistake when my eyes met his.
They seemed… different.
Only earlier today I had seen so much pain in them. They were so kind and innocent, as if they belonged to a boy… but now… something was different.
Something that reminded me of Kakashi…
"We need to talk." He said solemnly, his eyes holding my eyes as firmly as his hand was mine.
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He couldn't focus.
He made his way to the Western wall, his mind only on the Southern. On Sakura. On what Iruka had just said….
… …. ….
"What?" He had heard what the man had said but he couldn't process everything it implied, everything that those two words threw out of his life and thoughts.
"We aren't together." The teacher clarified icily. "Not in the way you think we are." Iruka's voice still held onto that dark tone. It sounded foreign with Iruka, but Kakashi didn't care, not when his mind was spiraling deeper and out of confusion from this teacher's sudden admission. That was until Iruka finished his next sentence.
"But I've been her only source of comfort since you left her."
Kakashi's jaw tensed instinctually.
There were so many thoughts, so many implications, he hated about that last sentence, but Kakashi saw only one response necessary.
"I didn't leave her." He had replied, his voice made of stone.
He knew that his tone would've stirred anxiety in this man any other day, but Iruka was different right now, he could tell. He recognized his own behavior in the other man… he hated it.
"You left her the moment you decided not to fight for her." The teacher explained, pointing out the ending of their last conversation. "You gave her up… and something in her knows it." Silence spread between them, both of them knew Iruka wasn't done.
"She needs to move on."
…
"And you're first in line?" Kakashi accused, feeling anger grow within himself towards this man and towards himself for even saying that.
Iruka 's stance shifted minutely. Kakashi couldn't tell if it was because he took offense or because it was true.
"I only wanted to say that what I had told you was a lie.…"
The teacher turned on the spot, looking away from Kakashi.
"But," he paused, "I don't think I'll let it stay that way for much longer."
And then he was gone.
…
He should've stopped him.
He should've followed him.
That bastard's probably going to go see Sakura now.
Now that he's admitted a lie Kakashi hadn't let himself expect only to threaten its imminent realization…
'You gave her up….'
'She needs to move on.'
'I've been her only source of comfort.'
Something in him rumbled dangerously as his mind reverberated that man's words mixed with his own similar thoughts that had plagued him for days, reawakening and intensifying the pain he thought he had bridled to the point the thoughts felt like rivers of magma pouring over the edges of a once dormant volcano.
He couldn't focus on anything except that slow-building anger… anger towards Iruka… towards himself.
But all his conflict came to a halt when he noticed something.
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"We need to talk." He said solemnly, his eyes holding my eyes as firmly as his hand was mine.
I almost had to take a moment to try and decipher why he was acting a little different, but there were other things I needed to focus on.
"Ok, but not right now, Iruka-sensei." I whispered, not really thinking any further into what he might have wanted to discuss with me as I peeked over my shoulder to give the trees a second look.
He was quiet for a moment.
"Is there anyone out there?" His voice seemed to normalize a little, his left hand still holding my right.
"I thought I saw someone… but I guess… it could have been one of us." I replied, looking into the trees with more focus than before.
The moment I finished my unsure sentence that there was a rustle.
A faint source of movement between grass blades or leaves, something a bird could have caused or a rodent, but it wasn't a moment until I felt his hand tug mine back. He took a step forward as he pulled me back, putting himself between me and the source of the sound.
He felt it too… someone was watching us.
"Stay back." He ordered with a warning tone, sounding a bit more like the Iruka-sensei I remembered… though… not quite. He still didn't seem himself … he seemed serious… too serious… like he was distracted by something else.
I pushed that from my mind as I realized that his protective instincts as a teacher and as a friend were keeping me from my job.
"If that's the intruder I need to capture and report him." I tried to reason to him, struggling to take a step further only to feel his hand extend farther behind him to pull me back.
"No… This isn't normal." He said quietly, pausing before he continued.
The wind blew again, louder than before. The banners atop the wall flapped violently in the wind.
It died down to complete silence again.
…
"He wanted us to hear him."
…
"Wh-?"
"Get down!"
In the moment it took for me to realize I had fallen to the ground I realized I had been pushed down. I saw his arm move quick throw something, I couldn't tell what it was until a blinding flash and a curtain billowing of smoke interrupted my sight of anything beyond five feet. I blinked and shrugged away from the moment light, looking back to see Iruka again.
I only realized as I finally managed to scramble my limbs into working anchors to lift my torso off the ground that he had done that as a way of shielding us from the intruder's target, as well as a way to signal others that he was found, because it wasn't moments before silent shadows whisked passed us and through the smoke.
I exhaled sharply, almost like a shocked chuckle, at the adrenaline rush that took over in that one moment, but as the adrenaline pumped through my veins so did it feel like ice was when I looked up at Iruka-sensei and saw him stumbled back a step. I recognized that movement.
He was only a few feet away from me, but when I saw the silhouette of a blade protruding from his vest he seemed miles away. I got to my feet as quickly as I could.
"Iruka-sensei!" I called his name as I fumbled through the expanding smoke to him, my arms finding their way around his shoulders for support.
"Sakura…" he answered hesitantly as he leaned against me, his voice choking out.
"We have to get out of the open." I said mostly to myself, trying to fall into my medic mindset. "Can you walk?"
"Ha-" He hissed with pain for a moment as his hand found the edge of his wound, "Yeah, just not far."
I looked back to the nook that had served as my hiding spot before this; there was nowhere else to go, not with the sound of clinking metal so frequent on the other side of that smoke.
"Ok, come on, lean on my shoulder." I ordered him quickly, walking forward already. He stumbled next to me, breathing shallowly. He felt heavy against me, but I could tell he was working too hard to keep balance. I tried to ignore how pungent the scent of blood was now that is was mixing with the chalk and paperback books. I gripped his arm over my shoulders tightly, fastening him to me protectively.
It seemed like forever before we finally got to the edge of the wall.
I ducked from under his arm and turned him to lean against the wood of one of the beams; he let out another grunt of pain as he did. "How are the others?" He asked quietly.
I turned to the smoke and the battle yells. "It sounds like they can handle it." I replied as professionally as I could even though I couldn't be less interested in anything else besides Iruka-sensei right now.
"You should… go help." His words were interrupted by a grimace as he changed his posture against the wall. "I can take care of-"
"I'm not leaving you." I cut him off with a stern voice, "You're losing too much blood," I reached my fingers past the collar of his vest, "and your heart's beating too fast. You could go into shock if I leave you like this." I scared myself with my own words.
"None of that sounds very encouraging." He breathed the words out shallowly with something like humor that I couldn't recognize in that moment.
"The fact you're talking means it didn't reach your lungs, and the fact you're still alive and haven't fallen into shock already means it didn't puncture your heart or any main arteries…" I reasoned, trying to make him feel a little more hopeful, though I couldn't imagine what I had to say next would help his nerves… or my own, "… so I'm going to have to take it out." I warned him over the sound of fighting only twenty or so feet away, the smoke burning the inside of my lungs already now that it reached this narrow little nook.
"I'd appreciate that." He answered shakily under the noise, but I still heard him.
I wanted to hit him for trying to be funny while I felt like I could start hyperventilating at any moment, but I didn't.
"It's going to hurt, but you can't sit down until I know the damage."
He didn't answer, he only breathed deeply, looking down at either the blade in his chest or the floor. He really shouldn't see what's about to happen to him.
"Look at me." I ordered him as I kept my eyes on his. I planted my hands on his shoulders for a moment, making sure he was secure against the wall, my hands dropped to his arms; I pulled them forward so they rested on my sides. Now that I was going to be his new center of gravity for this procedure, I needed to make sure he could hold onto me.
I kept my eyes locked with his as my fingers found the handle of the blade, I tightened them as gently as I could, but now that the blade was obeying my grip it jolted against his insides with every one of his breaths. He winced, breaking our eye contact.
"It's gonna be okay." I said slowly.
The pain in his face contorted into a half-smile at that.
"I've been through worse, Sakura."
I would've smiled a little, too, at that reassuring thought, if I wasn't so distracted by worry. I had remembered hearing about the wounds he got protecting Naruto from Mizuki-sensei… And I had seen men survive several stab wounds to the chest…
… but this was Iruka-sensei….
I couldn't not worry.
…
I took a breath, steadying myself, keeping my eyes on his.
I tightened my grip on the handle and started to pull.
I almost hesitated when he yelled out, as well as when his hands dug into my sides, his fingers pressing into me as if searching for relief. I had forgotten how the muscles pull the blade back so stubbornly. He let out a pained grunt again just as it freed itself from his chest.
And as if that was the ending of the whole ordeal he let out a shaky breath and slumped forward, his forehead resting on my shoulder. I dropped the knife to the floor instantly, the body of the blade still covered in blood, to grab him and keep him from falling over, I could tell he wasn't going to, not with the grip he still had on me, but I just wanted to offer as much security as I could. And, right now,… I wanted to feel him. I needed to feel him so make sure he was still warm, he was still breathing.
My worry subsided after a short moment, my mind falling back into procedure.
I really needed to start healing and dressing the wound, but I almost didn't want to interrupt this… they way he was leaning on me for support, breathing against my shoulder. I had to anyways.
I remembered the next step in stab wounds, to stop the bleeding. I realized I needed some sort of pressure on the wound to help stop it.
I clumsily shrugged out of my little jacket, carefully not to jostle him too much with my movements. Ducking to see his chest in the darkness I rolled my jacket into a wad and pressed it against the hole in his vest.
I immediately felt him tense and hiss in pain, a grunt escaping his throat which was leaning against my ear now sounded so strange to me.
"Can you sit down?" I asked quietly.
He didn't respond, he only sighed shakily and slowly pushed himself off of me, resting his back against the stone wall. He slowly lowered himself down, taking my jacket into his hands and held it against him. I watched with some scrutiny, to make sure he didn't hurt himself any further. I just wished a better hiding spot could have been available, one with enough room for me to look at him directly.
I sat down by his side; his legs were stretched out in front of him folded half-heartedly due to the lack of space.
I leaned over to him and placed my ear against the chest of his vest.
His breathing was starting to even out a little, that was good, no palpitations, even better.
"See? I'm feeling better already…" His voice rumbled against my ear with a familiar sense of calm that only instilled more worry in me that his body couldn't handle the vocal vibrations right now. I wished I could've appreciated this new turn at humor he used to try and make me feel better, but I was only focused on one thing now. That trail of dark red staining a stripe into his vest, it was getting wider.
"I'm going to have to take a look now." I let him know seriously. "I need to stop the bleeding."
I leaned over and scooted so that I could kneel directly over him, in front of his chest.
I took my bloodied jacket, feeling no loss, and tossed it on top of the knife laying a few feet away.
I started to unhook the front of his vest.
"Uh-" He stuttered for a moment.
I looked up to him for only a glance.
"You look a little pale… You shouldn't move or talk too much." I reasoned at him, focused on getting the vest undone.
I saw him nod without looking at him and he turned as immobile as a stone, looking out the opening of the nook at the barely dissipating smoke. I hadn't realized just how quick all this had happened till then.
I got the vest undone and gently worked it off his right shoulder. I saw the shirt underneath, it was completely soaked around the wound, my heart gave a sharp beat in reaction to the sight. I grabbed the collar of his shirt quickly and started to rip it down the middle.
"Uh." He stammered again.
"It's already stained and cut through, I don't think you'd want to keep this shirt anyways, sensei." I continued with my progress even though I felt him shift under me to sit up straight, creating more room between us.
By the time I got the shirt opened in the front I leaned in to examine the wound. He looked away. It seemed to be shallower than I thought; I breathed a tiny sigh of relief at that.
"I can only heal the superficial tissue, it'll leave a scar, but it'll make it easier for the deeper tissue to heal later on." I explained as if I was a textbook.
I placed my hands over the skin surrounding the wound and started my focus. A green glow began to hum, but this time it was louder and stronger than normal, reflecting the amount of effort I meant for it. I could feel the pressure in my heart go down as I saw the sides of the wound shrink a little in only the first minute.
The silence continued for only a few seconds longer under he spoke, his voice still a little weak.
"Sakura…" he breathed my name. I listened immediately, ready for him to describe any new symptoms, "…You don't have to call me that anymore."
His voice… I didn't know if it was his breathing, or if it was how tired he probably felt, but it sounded so… gentle, not that Iruka-sensei didn't usually have a gentle tone when he spoke, but that this felt… different.
"What?" I asked, genuinely brought to confusion through the sudden change in his voice and the split of concentration it brought on. I tried to focus on the way his skin had started to bridge the gap of the wound already, to keep that pace.
"'Sensei'." He quoted with a breath, he took another deep one, his chest lifted and sank under my fingertips in a way that hypnotized me with worry, "… I haven't been your teacher… since the day I gave you this." I hadn't noticed when he'd lifted his right hand, but I suddenly felt fingertips tap against the metal plate of my headband before they slowly trailed down the curve of blue fabric, into my hair. Little shivers ran through my neck when he brushed a few strands of hair behind my left ear.
The shivers didn't stop when he reached up and did it again, this time his palm brushing along the side of my head, down to the curve of my neck. His hands were so smooth… I knew what they had felt like against my own hands, but to feel this on the skin of my neck was different. I had a difficult time keeping my eyes open momentarily. Everything about him was so soft. I was already so tired.
"Iruka-sensei." I called to him from the little hypnosis his touch put me under, trying to get his attention. I didn't really have a thought to tell him to stop, I just… I wanted to make sure I could focus on this wound right now.
I heard him breathe out with a little punch, an injured chuckle. It woke me up with some worry again.
"You shouldn't laugh." I warned him, trying to regain my focus.
"You shouldn't ignore your elders." He retorted with a soft smile.
I almost looked up at him to check that smile, to make sure it wasn't too weak, to see it again… but I kept my eyes on my hands.
"I wasn't ignoring you." I answered, still unable to shake my serious tone and mood.
He paused a moment, letting the hum under my hands steady with my focus, before he spoke up again.
"Then say my name."
…
"What?" I asked without meaning to sound so clueless.
"You are ignoring me." He joked, his breathing still a little uneven.
I huffed a little at that, glancing up at him and his smile, feeling one threaten my own lips as soon as I saw it. That was something about Iruka-sensei I could never change… he was so contagious. Every time he smiled I would usually follow his lead, and when he was worried or upset, I wasn't too far behind either. I wondered only briefly if that was because of his personality, our friendship, or if it was some kind of residual habit from childhood to adopt his mood.
I decided it must have been a mixture of all those three, but I didn't linger on the small sense of pride it gave me to know that my feelings could be so instinctually in sync with his before I found my voice again.
"No, I'm not ignoring you, I just don't know why I should say your name right now." I said a little playfully.
I could see his smile falter... I wondered if that had insulted him somehow.
"A patient's last request." He answered with feigned somberness.
"Shut up," I answered with a bit of my own seriousness, "You're not going to die." I didn't appreciate his joking about it.
"You respect me just enough to tell me to 'shut up' when I'm wounded, but you still want to address me as your teacher even though I haven't taught you anything in years?" He asked rhetorically, humor back in his voice again, even though I could tell he had to work a little to say that much at once.
And even though I could see the wound close up under my fingertips as he spoke I was still so worried that the simplest move, or disagreement, might break it open again.
So I decided to just go along with his 'request' and very seriously say, "Iruka." Without looking away from my hands.
A moment of quiet passed between us. I wondered if maybe that was really all he wanted for a moment, until he spoke up again.
"Sakura…." The way he said my name… I forgot how serious I had been before then.
Without meaning to, I found my eyes looking to his.
I didn't know what it was. The way he was looking at me, the way I could feel his heartbeat under my fingertips, or the way his voice sounded right now, but I found myself a little lost from my worries.
"Again." He requested simply.
I could feel my own heart beat a little quicker... something about this… it was different than how we usually are.
I didn't focus on it for too much longer, too distracted by his request.
"Iruka." I was surprised by my own tone, how soft my own voice was, but I wasn't nearly as surprised by that than I was on what I found myself saying next as I forced myself to break our lingering eye contact to look back to his wound.
…
"It hasn't been years, you know."
"Hm?" He asked nonverbally, as if he felt the sudden calmness between us as well.
"You're ignoring me now, aren't you?" I tried to joke. I regretted it when I felt him chuckle under my hands again. But I took a deep breath, letting go of some of my worry, as the wound sealed up another portion of itself dutifully. "I just mean," I started again, "even though I'm not in your class anymore, you still teach me a lot."
I felt his heart beat a little faster. His breathing pick up only a fraction. Forgetting to worry this time I only wondered how my words affected him…. I guess, as a teacher, it must be one of the highest compliments… to still teach without meaning to.
My own heart filled with something like hope that by saying this I could make him feel better.
"Every time we talk I always feel like you have some kind of wisdom or lesson to pass on." I added quietly. I didn't know what it was about right now… I usually wouldn't admit these kinds of thoughts without my arm being twisted, but everything seemed so… nice… right now. "You always had something to say to make me feel better." I finished truthfully.
Without him, I probably wouldn't have coped very well recently.
I tried not to think about it.
I focused on the green hum under my fingers again, only to find that the skin had healed over into a neat, straight line of deep pink scar tissue, the blood that surrounded it looked strange next to the newly healed surface. The green hum died down slowly.
"I guess you have a new battle scar-"
"Sakura."
Even with his voice being as soft and gentle as it was, I was still stopped from finishing my small-talk sentence. I looked up at him instinctually. Again, I didn't notice when his hand had risen, but it was only a moment before I felt his fingers fold into my hair, this time along the back of my head.
Being so lost in the hypnosis of his softness and his scent of books and chalkboards, overpowering the blood once again, my heart didn't react to that familiar sensation until I felt him pull my head forward slightly. My hands fumbled to the inner corners his shoulders for support, I couldn't really think of what to do in the single moment it took for him to pull me forward.
I felt a pair of lips press against my forehead.
In a moment of sheer childishness I almost wanted to pull back for the only reason that I felt insecure about my forehead. But it was also in this moment I realized something else as I stared unblinkingly down the front of his neck and chest.
I hadn't noticed till now.
I hadn't noticed at all.
The way we must look right now.
My knees resting on either side of his hips, his vest undone and shirt ripped down the middle, my hands clutching his shoulders, his lips against me.
This… we weren't supposed to be like this….
I should say something.
I tried to will myself to say something, anything, but my voice didn't work.
I closed my eyes for a second, trying to collect my thoughts.
That didn't work either.
I only found my thoughts recentering themselves around his lips on my forehead… the way I had daydreamed in class I might be kissed someday. I would stare blankly at Iruka-sensei lecturing, imagining Sasuke kissing my forehead for an hour or two at a time… I hadn't ever thought that Iruka-sensei would do it one day.
His lips left me only a moment later when I heard him say, softer than anything before, his breath cooling my forehead, "I hope my job isn't done just yet." I had barely heard him over the battle outside, even though it had moved to the trees now.
My heart tightened almost painfully…. I couldn't really make sense of what he meant… but I didn't get a chance to focus on that very much before I felt his lips land on the apple of my left cheek, his fingers stirred further into my hair, gripping weakly to the roots. I could feel my breathing pick up, but I couldn't tell if it was because of how nervous I felt about all this or because of the way his lips felt. I tried to pull away for a moment, though I realized I didn't try with very much strength. My hands fumbled along his shoulders a little, disobeying my initial orders to leave him. It was as if he was a magnet to me right now, the more I thought about pushing him away, the heavier my limbs got in their course to do so, and matching that heaviness, my insides seemed to weigh down my breathing. My heart felt like it was beating too slow even though I should have been worried about it beating too quickly.
I heard him speak up again, this time his voice seemed a little more present, but with how close we were it felt like I was listening to his voice from within a hug.
"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing."
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