Chapter 81
Title: PREVIEW!
Note: Ok….. Ok…. I've been gone a long while. BUT, I still haven't given up the story. SO, despite the unplanned hiatus, I hope you guys can take me back.
This is just a preview of the latest chapter, which will be rather a long one. I just wanted to let you guys know I, and this story, are still alive.
And I want to thank all the recent newcomers who have reviewed! You all are so generous with your kind words and I hope you can enjoy the rest of the story.
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
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"…You need to get some rest."
Her hand on his tightened, her tone dropped their previous conversation gently. Her fingers were soft, a little chilled, but he was comforted by their grip. He wanted to respond to it, to hold her fingers in his a little tighter as well.
He didn't.
"I'm the one who should be telling you that." Even he could hear how tired his voice sounded when he said that. He cleared his throat, his eyes falling to her hand, "I've been given enough medical advice for one evening. You're the one who needs the time off."
Even though he wasn't looking at her face he could see her nod a little before sighing, her hand shook against his casually. He was too aware of it. It was uncomfortable.
"Ok." She agreed, "I'll come visit you tomorrow if you're not out by then."
That pulled his attention back to her eyes.
He didn't want to bother her anymore with any of this. With anymore of him.
He'd served his purpose in her life right now, she had other things to worry about… besides, he could do with some time away from her as well.
"You shouldn't waste any more time on me." He told her bluntly careful to keep his voice gentle enough she might not take his words as seriously as he did.
Annoyance flickered in her green eyes and he knew that he shouldn't have even had tried to trick her into not worrying about him. He almost smiled.
"I will visit you tomorrow, for sure, now." She said with a playfully stern voice.
The smile tugged at the right corner of his lips but still failed to win over his expression. He had to make sure he could get dismissed from hospital care first thing in the morning now…
A moment of quiet stretched between them. He could feel her eyes on his face.
He didn't look at her.
He didn't know what his expression would say. With the peace they've restored between them, he couldn't afford worrying her more than he already had.
"Well, goodnight, Iruka-sensei." Her voice broke the silence gently.
Her hand left his and he smiled as genuinely as he could after she turned to leave the room. It was easier to look at her when she wasn't looking back at him.
"Good evening." He called softly just as she reached the door. She smiled over her shoulder at him, he fought to keep his eyes from looking away like they wanted to.
It was only a few moments before the door clicked close behind her and everything was as quiet as before.
His mind was quieter then, too… than it was before…. He felt a sense of relief, knowing his relationship with Sakura had found some kind of stable ground again.
But… what she had said… the things she said, her expressions as she said them.
He didn't know what to think about it and he had no idea why they were confusing him.
"I… I don't regret it."
His face twitched with something like embarrassment, a pink hue almost finding his cheek.
That girl….
How could she say something like that so easily?
He asked himself mentally, almost smiling at how innocently she had said those words if he wasn't trying not to scowl at how much he'd appreciated those innocent words just the same.
He didn't know why… but there was something… comforting... about that.
The fact she hadn't regretted it the way he had.
The fact that his advances hadn't repulsed her?
… No… if he found comfort in that thought he'd be crossing a line he'd been trying to ignore for too long already.
But ignoring it didn't mean he couldn't feel the moment he knew he had crossed it only an hour ago.
Another pang of regret shot through his chest and made him wince.
…
He had always been so sure of who she was, of what she was meant for, and who she needed… he had been sure that she knew, too. But in that moment… the way she looked at him… he couldn't help but wonder just what kind of strength the string of fate which tied Sakura to Kakashi held.
Had this happened before… had this happened earlier… had they never been together… would Kakashi still be the best choice for her?
That thought was definitely too dangerous… he ignored it like a professional.
"You were always there to help me without ever thinking of yourself."
She gives me too much credit….
He thought to himself weakly.
Over the past twenty-four hours he's been questioning just how much he's done that wasn't for himself.
In a way, everything he's done has been for himself.
He wanted to see her happy again, he wanted to see her realize what he couldn't seem to tell her in words… seeing her so sure of herself again only a few minutes ago, before she left the room, he'd gotten what he had wanted.
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His only solace in any of this was that what he had wanted for her was exactly what she had wanted for herself.
He couldn't bring himself to think about the 'what if's that made the two any different from each other.
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I closed the door as quietly as I could, not for any particular reason than to just respect the quiet moment I had shared with Iruka-sensei a few seconds ago.
Before walking into this room, before talking to him just now, I would've thought this type of peace was impossible between us.
This calmness and surety.
This friendship.
I thought that maybe we hadcrossed some kind of line… I still wasn't sure if we had or not, but I didn't think that mattered very much anymore.
After our talk… I think he understood me a little better. I think we understood each other better.
I smiled to myself as I turned to the hallway, still thinking about how grateful I was that my friendship with Iruka-sensei was unscathed by our awkward moment tonight, but my smile didn't survive the second awkward moment I knew I was going to endure tonight… which started the moment my eyes found his.
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He walked down the hallway, keeping his pace in check, trying not to let himself walk too quickly. He checked the windows of the doors as he passed without pausing, he hadn't seen them yet.
But he could hear a door down the hallway open almost the moment before it had actually moved.
His pace slowed when his eyes confirmed his suspicions as he recognized the pink-haired girl who walked out of the door.
He didn't call for her attention.
She turned around and silently closed the door again, a smile appearing on her face.
He wouldn't let himself interpret what kind of reason she would be smiling right now, not when he could remember that gentle smile without knowing when or why he'd seen it before.
He could see the shock in her eyes evolve into apprehension the moment she looked up and found him walking towards her.
Something in him wanted to say something, to take away that anxiety she must've been feeling, but he didn't… he needed to use it against her.
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The moment I saw him walking towards me, down the hallway, I had two impulses.
The first was to turn around and run away. The second was to keep walking and pretend not to see him.
I realized just as I was stuck between the two choices, my feet uncertainly walked forward after a long pause, how insane those two ideas were.
What do I have to run away from? Just because he was giving me a look I had only seen a few times in the past, a look that meant he had something serious he wanted to talk to me about. A look that usually meant he was mad at me. And just because a small –although smaller than before- part of me felt guilty about what he might or might not have seen an hour ago… neither of those things should matter.
He was probably only meeting with me about village security, or about the mission we were supposed to go on, or about Iruka-sensei's status. But... why would he need to meet with me now? Why now, and why alone?
My momentary confidence stuttered, causing my feet to stutter in their slow course towards him.
Why did he ask to meet me?
What could he possibly want to talk to me about? Iruka-sensei? The intruder? He probably already knows much more about both their situations than I do. What could he say to me that couldn't have waited for tomorrow?
Just as my mind travelled to the dangerous subject he might want to discuss my feet carried me within the five foot diameter professional space of the silver-haired man in front of me. The pace of my feet, heart, and mind slowed to near stop. It was as if I was suddenly in a vacuum, I couldn't hang onto my thoughts despite how frantically I wished I could. This wasn't strange to me, I've felt like this around him for months now, but the sluggish movements of my thoughts and pronounced thuds of my heart didn't help my concentration.
He slowed down as well in the seconds that seemed like hours it took for him to reach me.
I stood there, my thoughts weightless and scattered, unprepared for anything about this man. But after one word from him everything in that moment came crashing back at me in real-time, snapping me out of my hypnosis and into an altogether very different mindset.
Just as he had walked up to me, he greeted me with that single word.
"Haruno."
He nodded at me as he stopped.
That was when I started walking again.
I didn't know if I had actually given into the insanity of the second impulse that had threatened me less than a minute ago, but all I knew was that I needed to keep moving. I didn't look at his face or any kind of expression of confusion that might've taken over it as I picked up my pace towards the end of the hallway. If I had looked I probably wouldn't have had the focus to will myself to disrespect him like this. It went against all my training, it went against that not-so-small part of me that could never get enough of his presence, but I ignored all because... I needed to prove something.
If he was going to try and treat me like that. If he was going to try and use that tone and only call me by my last name. If he was going to try and control me so easily like he had always been able to, I wasn't going to let him.
Of course, I knew he probably didn't remember the previous times he had worked that on me -the other times he's treated me like a child to try and trick me into one of his interrogations where he would always pry into my heart and lay it bare-, but I didn't care.
I could hear his footsteps start following me towards the door a little quickly, as if he wanted to cut me off.
"Haruno." He called me by my last name again, trying to get my attention, to get me to slow down or turn around. I knew better than to fall into that trap. I kept my eyes glued on the upcoming waiting room door. If I was going to talk to him right now, it was as equals, not with him staring down at me like he always did.
My pace didn't falter or quicken, my face didn't twitch or frown, and as I responded there was no emotion behind the tone of professionalism other than seething sarcasm, "Sir?..."
A moment of silence followed. He hadn't expected that. I would've felt smug if I hadn't been so busy ignoring how nervous I was getting.
But if he wanted to play this game again I was finally going to play, too.
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More to come!