Two years to the day I posted Spawn of Adam here on Fanfic. Its been an amazing run everybody, but here we go. This is the last chapter! Sorta. Epilogue after this but that doesn't count. Thank you to all the support I've received from everyone through these long two years. Its hard for me to believe that this is finally ending. This has been a huge part of my life over these past two years, and I'd like to thank everyone that has read this. Arigato Gozaimasu Minna-san!
Lilith sat with her back against the Tree of Life, staring forward across the empty plane, her thoughts residing on Shinji and where his actions would take him. Whether she herself had orchestrated things so that it would reach this conclusion, she didn't know. She had affected both there lives to a certain extent, but ultimately, they had always seemed to have been drawn together ever since they had first met those many months ago. Even if Shinji wasn't an angel, that the Evangelions had never existed, that herself and Adam had never warred with each other, Lilith knew that Shinji and Asuka would still have connected as they did. She had to admit...she was jealous in a way; the two of them had something that she had never had. Well, that wasn't quite true she supposed...
Lilith titled her head upwards, looking at the dark sky devoid of any stars. She wondered how Shinji would fair inside the Black Egg. It was very easy to get lost within the sea of people, all of which were the same. But Shinji loved Asuka enough, and that alone would be enough to find her. After that though...
"Hey...Rei?" mumbled Lilith as she continued looking upward.
From within her, Rei replied.
"Are you still having doubts about those two?"
"Even if Asuka does agree to returning, the damage has already been done, both inside and out. Even though I promised Shinji that I would help, the only thing I can help with is-"
"They will be able to shoulder that hardship, even if it does torment them for years to come. I have faith in them. Shinji and Asuka are entwined together as you thought so much so that one can't live without the other."
"Do you have any idea why that is? You were able to observe them better than I was after all."
"I can only say that they are connected in a way rarely seen by humans in this day and age. They are very much incomplete, but together, they are more whole. They make up for each others faults and problems, and are able to understand each other because they share similarities. Love doesn't describe there bond so much as the need to be close to each other. Even if they had just stayed friends, they would have still desired that warmth of being near."
"Was there ever a possibility of them breaking apart?"
"Even now that possibility still exists, but Shinji should be able to negate that. His actions have driven them this far after all."
Lilith was silent now, as Rei finished speaking, but something still lingered on her mind.
"Rei, I consider you as much a part of my mind as I do myself...so what will happen to Shinji after him and Asuka return."
"Meaning?"
"After I...help them I mean..."
Rei did not reply for a long while here, and seemed to be deep in thought over something which had troubled her for a long while. Eventually though, she voiced her thoughts on the matter.
"I understand what you are getting at, and that will not change, so the possibility would exist."
"I see," sighed Lilith glumly. If possible, she didn't want something like that to happen, as it could send everything into turmoil once again, but that wouldn't be her decision after all. That would be something Shinji and Asuka would have to deal with when the time came, if it ever did of course.
Shinji had never given much thought as to how many people lived on the earth, but having several billions people talking to you all at once put it into perspective. It was like having a constant ache in your ear, unable to get ride of it. Everybody recognize Shinji for who he was, an entity that was unique for everyone else, somebody that could help him. Some even ridiculed him, yelling at him, screaming for him to help them. But Shinji couldn't do anything for them. Visions and such flashed by him, but everything was so blurred and meshed together that he couldn't tell any one person apart from anyone else.
He continued moving forward through the sea of LCL fluid, floating helplessly as he let it carry him forward. He kept thinking of Asuka, hoping that his thoughts would carry him to wherever she was, but he his mind kept on being assaulted by everyone else's thoughts. He saw mothers, fathers, children, grandfathers and grandmothers. He saw people of all kinds of nationalities, religions, and races. Personalities meshed together like a melting pot, making Shinji's head feeling like splitting. But he had to move forward, because Asuka was somewhere within here.
What would he say when he saw her? "I'm sorry for not telling you I loved you sooner? Sorry that I caused all this? Sorry that I caused all your pain and suffering?" That wouldn't cut it. Shinji wanted to say these things though, even if Asuka still hated him. He wanted to be truthful and heartfelt for once, instead of always running away from everything. He had been running away from everything all his life, never truly standing and facing it. But now, he just wanted to be with Asuka, even if she rejected him, even if she loathed him. He just wanted to say those three simple words to her.
This thought is what kept Shinji sane as he continued through the sea of LCL fluid.
'Who am I?'
'You are you and no one else.'
'What makes up the fact that I am me?'
'What do you mean?'
'How do I know that I am me and not someone else?'
'Why do you think you are someone else?'
'I don't think that but...things don't feel right...'
'What doesn't feel right?'
'I don't feel right.'
'Does it hurt?'
'It does...it hurts a lot. This pain...I-I've felt it before, and...I don't like it.'
'So you think something is...missing?'
'I do...but I don't know what...'
'What exactly hurts?'
'...My heart...a constant pain in my heart, like a fist is clenching ahold of it.'
'Maybe you lost something?'
'I...lost something? But what?'
'That is for you to figure out, not me.'
Asuka opened her eyes into whiteness.
She was floating...no laying within a vast empty space of whiteness that seemed to stretch onward forever. She sat up, and looked around, searching for any distinguishing figure, but everything was still white.
"Where am I?" she wondered.
Her voice, instead of echoing, seemed to be swallowed by the whiteness.
Standing up, she firstly noticed that she was naked, but this didn't seem to bother her for some reason. She ran her hands along her body, remembering the feel of it. Things were starting to come back to her. She placed a hand between her breasts, shuddering as she recalled the feel of the Lance of Longinus as it impaled her. She then ran her hand behind her head, running it through her hair. She also remembered the instantaneous death that had killed her. The pain, the horror, the feel of slipping away, and-
"Shinji," whispered Asuka.
As she spoke his name, her heart seared with pain, bringing her to her knees. Her eyes opened wide as she remembered that last feel of his touch before she had been killed. The warmth that had passed between them, it felt so familiar.
Once again, Asuka's heart seared at this thought.
'What is wrong with me?' wondered Asuka.
Asuka stood up again, and started walking aimlessly in one direction, still looking for any noticeable landmark, but she seemed to be the only person within this space.
'Lonely again...huh?' thought Asuka sadly as she paused and looked around her. But hadn't that been how everything always was? She had never had friends in high school or college, and her father had always abused her. She had only ever had her Eva, but now that was even gone. And now with Shinji gone she was-
Asuka's heart ached with pain, but this time, her head felt like it had been cloven asunder as it brought her to the ground. She sank down, clutch both her hand and where her heart was. Everything about Shinji was-
'If it hurts, then just don't think about it.'
'But I can't stop thinking about him,' replied Asuka as she felt pain hit her. 'After all, Shinji is someone that I-'
Asuka opened her eyes and looked around wildly. For a split second, she had thought she saw...no, she did see something. A bubble, completely round was floating effortlessly in the vast whiteness. Asuka stared at it for a long, while not believing what she was seeing. But as Asuka continued watching, several bubbles continued appearing, one right after the other in front of her until the entire place was filled with these strange bubbles.
Asuka stood up slowly, staring at the bubbles around her. As one neared her, she moved away from it, though as it passed her, she noticed something inside of it. Looking closer, she saw images flashing inside it.
'Thats...me? And Misato? And...Shin...ji?"
Asuka gazed at the bubble, inside which showed herself, Misato, and Shinji, all gathered around the kitchen table of Misato apartment and eating breakfast. Both Shinji and Asuka were in there school uniforms, and Misato seemed to be about ready to leave for Nerv. Asuka watched as she yelled something at Shinji, who promptly stood up and grabbed something from the fridge. The her inside the bubble then said something else, making Shinji retort back as well. Very quickly, the two started arguing with each other across the kitchen table, while Misato seemed to be completely oblivious to this, making it apparent that it happened all to frequently.
"Is this...my memory?" mumbled Asuka as she reached towards the bubble. As her fingers touched it, it immediately popped, clear fluid like tear drops falling from it.
Asuka felt something then, almost like a jolt of some sorts, like something had just struck her. A shiver ran down her back, and she had to wrap her arms around her body to prevent herself from shivering.
But she remembered now...that day. So Shinji had lived with her at Misato's apartment.
"Then all of these...all of these are my memories?"
Asuka looked at all of them, and saw that all of them had one thing in common: they all had Shinji in them.
"These are...the memories I lost?"
Asuka watched as her memories floated by her, each with Shinji in them. She saw her and Shinji at school, in the apartment, and even fighting angels.
Asuka then noticed a particular memory, showing her and Shinji sitting side by side and listening to something that looked like a tape recorder. She reached her hands towards this one, and touched it briefly with her index finger. It immediately popped, and she was assaulted again by a strange jolt, but the memories that flowed from this were startling, and Asuka surprisingly found herself laughing.
She was remembering when her and Shinji had to be completely synchronized with each other to defeat the fifth angel. The torment of having to do everything together, that damn machine, the stupid clothes they had to wear for the entire thing...and of course, sleeping in the same room. But it made Asuka smile slightly, as she knew that things were much easier then than now.
But-
"What is this?" mumbled Asuka in shock.
She had just remembered when her father had come looking for her.
This time, Asuka's heart hurt in a different way, bringing up memories she had long sealed within herself. She felt nauseous, sick with pain as she saw herself stand there in shock, saw as Shinji stood there defending her, pure hatred etched into his face. Another memory, another memory must have existed before this.
Fighting off the sense of worry that plagued her now, Asuka searched for a memory which could tie the two together. She found one that caught her attention almost instantly. In the memory, she saw herself pressing her face against Shinji's shoulder, tears running down her face. Shinji had his hands wrapped around her waist as he comforted her. Whatever it was...Asuka was nervous about the memory, but her desire to know what happened won her over.
She touched it, and felt a fresh flood of memories hit her.
Herself and Shinji were talking about themselves openly, seemingly for the first time. Asuka told Shinji all about growing up with her father, and the torment that she had undergone until she left for college. Asuka felt the weakness hit her as she remembered how she had felt when she had broken down and cried into Shinji's shoulder. Her knees wobbled slightly, and she had to prevent herself from falling.
"So...Shinji already knew about my father before they met," gasped Asuka as she pressed a hand against her chest.
But what happened then? Asuka thought back to when her father had answered the door. She had been scared, because her father wanted to talk to her, but Shinji wasn't going to allow it. But then what? Everything else afterwards was one giant blank. And how was this possible? She didn't remember ever meeting her father, nor had Misato or anyone else even bothered to mention that he had showed up.
Something must have happened...
Asuka turned back to her memories, searching for something she didn't want to find, but she had to know. She had to know what had happened with her and Shinji.
She looked around again, looking for anything that might speak to her. What would it be though? Asuka saw many memories, most seemingly just day to day things involving Shinji. Some intrigued her though, but it didn't seem to be one she was looking for, but she marked it all the same, wanting to come back to it later.
One jumped out at her though. She saw herself walking up the steps of Misato's apartment, rain lashing against her shoulders. She was wearing a sleeveless shirt with jeans cut off at the knees and a pair of sandals, something that suitable for the rain. Asuka watched as she walked to Misato's door and knocked on it. Several seconds later, the door was flung open, and Shinji stood there.
Asuka didn't have to look any further to know this was the memory she was looking for.
She reached out with timid fingers, and touched it.
She was immediately hit by a sense of cold, as though she herself had just been splashed with ice cold water. The rest of the memory came to her. She remembered how Shinji had held her as she broke down completely, repeatedly saying his name more desperately than before. The next part made her blush a little though. She saw as Shinji fought her out of her soggy wet clothes, but let out a sigh as she remembered taking things into her own hands. If Shinji had continued, Asuka would have died of embarrassment.
Afterwards, the explanation came, which Asuka admittedly didn't care about. Everything was fitting together so perfectly, but it still felt like she was remembering it all from a third perspective. It was hard to believe that this all had transpired.
But what happened next.
Everything was a blur suddenly.
Asuka saw as her father returned with Misato in tow. How he had said he wanted to talk to her, how she had stood up for herself. And then-
Asuka heard those words that her father had spoken, and before anything else, she saw Shinji crashing his fist against her fathers jaw. Asuka remembered hearing the sound of the bone snapping, the impact as Shinji's fist collided against the side of her fathers temple. The bright red color as blood spewed forth from his mouth. Asuka felt herself almost unable to deal with it, but a part of her also remembered the feeling from that time.
It was one of relief, and she hated herself for feeling that now. She knew everything that her father had done to her, but he was still her father.
'Is it right to feel like this?' she wondered as she saw Misato attempt to reprimand Shinji, only to have him brush it off.
Surely it was understandable? But she couldn't help wonder where her father was at that moment.
Afterwards, Asuka remembered herself going into Shinji's room to seek comfort, though it had been awkward, and she remembered not being able to say what was truly on her mind then. She was saddened by this, sad that so many opportunities had come, but she had let them slip through her grasp.
She now took a deep breath, and opened and closed her eyes. As much as her memories intrigued her, they took a lot out of her. Remembering what she felt at the time was particularly exhausting.
Looking at her memories though, she noticed the ones from earlier that she had marked. Flashes of her and Shinji doing things filled the memory, and Asuka walked over to it, staring at it. She watched as her and Shinji went to an italian restaurant, ate ice cream, and walked around an exhibit of pre-Second Impact oceanic animals.
'Is this...a date?' wondered Asuka as she continued looking at the memory. She slowly stretched her hand out to it, and grasped it.
Her mind was instantly filled with memories from that day. She saw as her and Shinji walked around the ocean exhibit, albeit not talking to each other for a while, though after a time, they seemed to make up. Then they entered a gift shop, and Asuka seem to realize something then, seconds before it happened. She was waiting outside when Shinji came out, and Asuka watched as he gave her the dolphin earrings that she treasured. Asuka felt tears well up at the corner of her eyes as she felt herself overcome with happiness, remembering the feelings that coursed through her at that moment in time. She watched as her and Shinji embraced each other; watched as she pressed her face against his shirt, and Shinji buried his face in her fiery hair.
And then Misato, Ritsuko, and Kaji showed up. Even now, Asuka knew that she shouldn't have done that. She had been embarrassed when they had seen herself and Shinji, and had immediately turned defensive.
She watched as they slowly made there way towards the beach, and the eventual water fight that ensued between them. Asuka remembered as they lay beside each other, talking aimlessly about meeting each other. Feelings were shared during that moment, even if they weren't spoken aloud. Afterwards though, when Asuka remembered what she had done, she blushed crimson. She remembered the feel as her lips came into contact with Shinji's forehead, and even though it was intended to be friendly, something was concealed in it.
She stood there, surrounded by her memories and she thought about what she had seen and felt so far. What Shinji had said before...when she had been alive, about them being friends...they had certainly been more than just friends. They had loved each other, even if it had never been spoken, and even now, they seemed to still love each other. So then why had Shinji lied again even at the end of everything? Was he still trying to protect her, or was he just trying to protect himself?
Asuka shook her head as she thought back to that day and everything that had transpired. Everything that had happened was a clear example of who they were to each other. Even after she lost her memories, and Shinji denied everything that had happened, they still loved each other. So wasn't that enough? Shouldn't they just accept it? If you love someone, shouldn't you just express that love to the person you feel for?
But they were also both fifteen, and had never known love of any form, so it was all so confusing.
Asuka looked back at her memories, now looking for one in particular. She wanted to find the one that had ended everything, the last memory before she had lost them. If she could trust what Ritsuko had said before, it had been an angel that had destroyed her memories of Shinji. So if she found something that looked like that-
'Maybe this is it,' thought Asuka as she turned towards her right and saw one memory in particular. It didn't show Shinji, only herself enclosed in a white area, similar to the one she was in. She had her hands covering her head and was screaming something.
Asuka neared this one, and looked at it closer. This was likely it...but remembering something like this, was that necessarily the best thing to do? Asuka continued staring at it, trying to understand the words she was saying. Something like this maybe...
But she reached forward anyway, and touched it.
Pain exploded inside of Asuka's head. She screamed out, remembering the feel as her mind was violated, everything laid forth for the angel to see. Everything that she had ever happened during her childhood, she remembered, many things that she had done with Shinji, she saw and felt. And then-
Asuka's eyes turned white as the pain became unbearable. She felt hands touch her, running all along her body, grasping her painfully. She bit down on her tongue, preventing herself from screaming out. She saw a face, a horrible face which made her cringe, made her lose herself completely.
And then it stopped.
Asuka fell to the ground, her body covered in sweat as she shivered uncontrollably. Everything...she had relived everything in a seconds notice, even things she didn't fully understand. She felt strange, disgusted, weak, violated. Her head hurt, her body hurt, her heart heart. Things were foggy, her recovered memories of Shinji blurred around the edges.
'No...I don't want this...this pain,' thought Asuka.
'This is the price that comes with remembering everything again. You remember the good, and the bad.'
'No...no...' wined Asuka.
From in front of her, came a memory unlike the others, a memory with no images, only black. Asuka saw this memory, and immediately knew that this was a bad memory, something that she never wanted to see. She stood up slowly, bracing herself as she did so. No matter what, she didn't want to know what-
The memory suddenly surged forward, enclosing Asuka's entire body in darkness. She was immediately thrown back to that time, that point in when she had been at her weakness. She saw the face, felt the breath of him, the feel as he touched her body. She wanted to scream out for help, but nobody was nearby, nobody to help her. He hit her repeatedly, tore at her body, mocked her. She wasn't going to make it...he was getting closer. The pain hit her; her heart cried out for help, her mind was growing hazy.
Bright light suddenly broke through the darkness, and Asuka saw Shinji standing there, an odd glow seeming to radiate off of him. His eyes glowed bright red as he marched towards the rapist. It happened in an orange flash of light. The body was torn asunder. Bone was crushed, limbs were shredded, fluid sprayed across the ground, and the head was turned into a ground meat.
Asuka shivered uncontrollably, her mind still hazy. This was...this was...
Something which should have stayed buried.
The attempted rape, Shinji's ascension, the two things wove a web within Asuka's mind, preventing her to think of anything else. She could remember the feel of the hands, smell the blood, hear the crushing of the skull.
She felt like puking.
How could she have forgotten something like this? But it was best that she had forgotten it...and now that she had.
The feel...the feel of helplessness...even now it still.
"Shinji," mumbled Asuka as she sat there, staring at the white ground.
It was overpowering her, that feel. Unable to do anything, never able to do a thing. Her father, the angel, the rapist. It all felt too real. She didn't know how to-
Asuka suddenly felt her eyes lose focus. No! Not now! If you pass out now-
Asuka forced herself to fight the pain. She could beat it, she had before.
But that was because Shinji was with her, and now without him-
Asuka tilted to her right, and fell to the ground, tears streaming from her eyes. Even if she could remember Shinji, having him by her side wasn't the same. If only she could feel him, know that he was still somewhere out there. But she didn't even know where was.
Everything was too overpowering. Her memories held cherished thoughts, but they also held bitter ones, sad ones, ones that were too painful to think about. She wanted everything to just slip away. If this was how things would be, then she would rather not have remembered any of this.
'It hurts,' mumbled Asuka. 'It hurts a lot.'
And without anybody there to comfort her, Asuka slowly started to slip away...
Shinji was starting to get desperate. He had no idea how long it had been since he had entered the black sphere, but he still hadn't managed to find Asuka. What was he doing wrong? Why wasn't he able to find her. Was it impossible as Lilith had hinted at? But he was trying with everything he had damn it! If he wasn't able to find Asuka...
'No, don't think like that,' Shinji told himself. 'Everything will be fine!'
But there was a small voice in the back of his mind that asked, 'What if?'
Shinji didn't want to answer what if.
The LCL fluid still seemed to have a mind of its own, and just carried him wherever it pleased. Even though Shinji had his mind on Asuka, it still didn't seem to be enough.
So then what did he have to do?
Shinji had managed to tune most of the voices out by then, so that wasn't the problem here. It was like the LCL fluid didn't want him to go to where Asuka was.
'Fuck that,' thought Shinji bitterly as he paused in the midst of the LCL fluid. He looked all around him, looking for anything that might help him. Asuka was somewhere within here right now, and Shinji new that she needed him. Some of her memories were best left untouched if at all possible, if she did remember them...
'Damn it,' thought Shinji.
Now stationary, Shinji put all his thoughts into Asuka, and projected his AT-field outward, searching for her. The AT-field was an embodiment of who he is as a person, and with his feelings of Asuka projected into it, he should hopefully be able to find her.
But after many times of searching, Shinji didn't seem to be able to find Asuka. It was almost like she wasn't even there.
'Is that possible though?' wondered Shinji. 'Could she be somewhere else?'
But if she wasn't here, then where would she be?
'No, she had to be here, Lilith was sure of that much. But the problem is where. She likely sectioned herself off from everyone else, because of her grasp on herself, so that would mean-'
"Is there another part of this place?" mumbled Shinji. He didn't really see how there could be, unless Asuka had somehow created it herself.
Shinji looked around him, but only saw LCL fluid that went on forever. But even so, the voices had diminished so that he didn't hear them as clearly anymore. It was like he had reached a different part of the sphere almost.
'More than anything else, I want to find Asuka right. To find her...and tell her anything. If those feelings aren't strong enough...'
Once again, Shinji projected his AT-field outward, this time in a different direction.
'Asuka...Asuka...where are you right now? Are you lonely? What are you doing right now? What are you thinking? I want to see you...'
Shinji felt something strike his heart then, heard something almost echo inside of him. What was it? Something that was conjured up, something from a long time ago. A memory? Yes, a memory! A certain feel? A certain warmth? Between two people? The feel of embracing, the feel of kissing, the feel of love?
Shinji's eyes darted towards a certain spot within the LCL fluid. Maybe it was simply the angel half of him speaking up, or it was something more human reacting to it, but this spot felt...unnatural almost.
Shinji paused in front of it, and ran a hand over the air. Nothing happened, but Shinji felt as though his hand had passed through something. Moving forward, and walked through what could only be described as a curtain of water. LCL fluid filled this entire space also, but in the center of it, floating unsupportably was-
"Asuka!"
Shinji moved forward, guided by his thoughts until he reached Asuka. He stretched out his hand, and caressed her face gently. She was unusually cold.
"...Asuka," repeated Shinji. It felt like an eternity since he had seen her. But something was wrong. Her eyes were closed, and she wasn't moving.
Without a second thought, Shinji projected his AT-field over her, and immediately noticed a change within her. Some of her memories had returned, some of which he had wished hadn't. He winced horribly and felt a low throb in his heart as he remembered his anger and rage over a certain event.
But if she had remembered memories like that...
'You may not like the outcome.'
Lilith's words echoed inside his head.
If he didn't like the outcome, then he would just change it. Wasn't that what he had been doing for the longest time now after all?
Shinji closed his eyes, and blended his AT-field with Asuka's. If any two people had tried this, it likely would not have worked. But since these two individuals were able to understand and love each other, it was able to work.
Shinji slowly felt his mind start to fade as he entered into Asuka's thoughts. He only hoped that this decision was the right one.
Shinji opened his eyes, taking several seconds to adjust to the light; everything was a whiteness that went on forever. Shinji stood up and looked down at his body, noticing that he was naked, but not caring that much.
As he looked around he didn't see any defining features. He didn't even see Asuka in this emptiness. But she had to be here somewhere.
Shinji started moving forward, turning every which way as he went, searching for some sign of Asuka. Once or twice, he tried sending out his AT-field, but he supposed that was impractical right now.
'Just how big is this place exactly?' wondered Shinji.
As Shinji thought this, he saw something which made him rub his eyes, thinking he was tired. A bubble was floating along in the air, a bubble which was flashes images of himself. Shinji stared at this for a long while, watching it as it passed him. Shinji then turned towards the direction of where it had came from, and saw many other bubbles like it.
'Are these Asuka's memories?' thought Shinji.
As Shinji rushed in the direction the memories came from, he noticed all of them had something to do with him, ones that Asuka should certainly have forgotten, yet here they were. Some of them Shinji had even forgotten himself, so he was surprised to see them. He had forgotten how different things were before he had gotten his angel powers. If things could only have stayed the same...
Shinji finally reached where the memories had congregated, and ran towards them, careful to dodge them as he went, afraid of popping them. As he neared the center, he saw a shape on the floor, completely different than that of the memories. The fiery hair of Asuka stood out particularly bright in the expanse of whiteness.
"Asuka!" shouted Shinji.
Asuka gave no sign that she heard him, but her head did turn slightly to its left, looking towards him.
Shinji threw himself to the ground beside her, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her towards himself, cradling her in his arms, giving no sign that he cared that she also was naked. Even now she was unusually cold. Her skin was pale white, and her lips had a light purple tinge to them. But it was her eyes that scared Shinji. They were hazy, as though not really seeing anything.
"Asuka...c'mon Asuka...wake up..."
Shinji stared down at her face. Her eyes were fixated on him, but Shinji knew that she wasn't really seeing him.
"C'mon...this is a joke...right? Asuka!"
Shinji yelled her name again, pressing his body against hers, trying to convey the feeling of warmth. He buried his face in her hair, running his hand along her bare back, trying to bring her back.
"Something...anything...Asuka please." Shinji started crying, his tears falling upon her face.
He never even got to tell her-
...shin...
Shinji opened his tear strained eyes and looked down at her
...shin...ji...
Asuka opened and closed her mouth, her voice barely more than a whisper.
"Asuka!"
"Shin...ji?
"Asuka are you-"
"Shinji...listen..." mumbled Asuka.
"Asuka don't say anything else, I-"
"I remembered everything...everything painful, everything wonderful..."
Shinji was silent as he held her, looking down at her face. She was speaking in a very low voice, her eyes still clouded over.
"And Shinji...there was a lot of pain involved, but I'm still glad that I chose to remember you..."
"Asuka..."
Asuka smiled, and cupped Shinji's face with one of her hands. "Idiot...don't cry like that."
"But...you..." started Shinji.
But Asuka placed her index finger against his lips, silencing him.
"Don't say anything, because this is difficult for me," said Asuka with a low sigh. I've just remembered countless things, many of which I'd rather not remember. So don't say anything right now...I'm still not feeling very well...but having you here is..."
Asuka turned her face, pressing it against Shinji's chest.
"...better," she mumbled quietly.
Shinji stared down at Asuka's face pressed against his chest. Her body was slightly warmer now, and her eyes seemed to be regaining their normal clear blue color.
"Hmmm...okay," said Shinji as he rested his chin upon her head.
They stayed like that for an unforetold amount of time, and Shinji had nodded off several times while watching Asuka. After a long while though, Shinji felt himself being roused awake by something soft. As he slowly opened his eyes, his vision was completely taken up by Asuka who was sitting in front of him and lightly tapping his cheek.
"Shinji? You awake?"
"...Yeah...sorry..."
"No...don't be. You came to get me. Any longer and I probably would have faded completely."
"What happened to you? What were you like that? I thought that you had-"
"I remembered...certain things. They affected me heavily, probably always will. I almost shut myself out, simply because it was easier to do that have to remember the pain. Without you there Shinji, I wasn't able to continue. Any later and I would have-"
"Don't say that, I don't want to think about that," said Shinji as he shook his head.
"Thank you," said Asuka wearily.
"Are you okay?" asked Shinji.
"Yes..and no," said Asuka. "Everything hurts, but I am at the same time happy that I could see you, which makes me have to ask, where are we exactly?"
"In the Black Egg of Lilith I suppose," said Shinji.
"So then, this is Third Impact? Are we in the middle of Instrumentality?"
"We were, but I talked to Lilith, and we reached an understanding. Its really thanks to Lilith and Rei that I was able to find you."
Asuka was silent however, her face expressionless.
"Are you angry at her, for killing you?" asked Shinji eventually.
"I am, but I can still feel the pain of dying..."
"Don't worry, it will pass," Shinji assured her.
"...I...hope so," sighed Asuka.
Shinji looked down at her face, surprised at how worn it seemed. Even though Asuka was only fifteen, she seemed to have aged exponentially during her time in here.
"How are you feeling?" Shinji asked her.
"Better I suppose, though still very tired. My mind is a whirl of things, and I'm having trouble keeping track of the different memories. Its like, a different me existed in the memories from before; I'm having trouble coming to terms with that. And yourself also...you were also very different."
"I know..." mumbled Shinji.
"Why did you do it Shinji? Why didn't you just tell me flat out that we had loved each other? Even at the end, you still lied to me about us, saying that we were only friends."
Shinji had hoped that she wouldn't bring this up, but he didn't have any way of evading the question.
"I told you before about my visions and how I was able to see possibilities of the future involved with the people around me. You were always at the forefront of my mind, and I tried denying that by rejecting what I felt. I sealed off my own emotions after you lost your memories, but that didn't work of course. I still remembered things, even if they were very vague. I knew what had happened once, and knew that it could happen again. I couldn't let anything happen to you however, and promised myself that I would do everything in my power to prevent you from entering an Evangelion again. But you proved too stubborn, and surprised me again and again."
Asuka stared back at him, her face mere inches away from his. Looking down at his chest, she rest her head against it and spoke softly.
"The feeling had always been there as you said, but it always hurt...just seeing you hurt sometimes. And those earrings...that day confuses me, but I still understand what had happened, and yet, everything was snatched away afterwards."
"It was," Shinji nodded.
Asuka was silent now, her face still pressed against Shinji's chest, not carrying that hers and his bodies were so entwined with each other.
"What...will we do now?" asked Asuka.
"Lilith promised me something," said Shinji after a few seconds. "I don't know what it is, but if it can get rid of your pain..."
"That would be nice," sighed Asuka.
Shinji smiled slightly, and wrapped his arms around her back, running his hands along it, pausing at the groves and tracing a line. Asuka shivered slightly at his touch, but let him continue on as he pleased. She didn't care that they were both naked right now, she only cared about this feeling that was running through her right now. But she was afraid that if Shinji let go, the pain of her memories would overtake her again.
"Hey Shinji..."
"Hmmm?"
"Do you still love me?"
Her question caught him off guard, and he paused with the stroking of her back. Did he still love Asuka? He always told himself that he did, but sometimes he didn't rightfully understand what love was, or if this was how it was supposed to feel.
"I do," said Shinji slowly. "Though I don't understand it myself..."
Asuka looked up at Shinji, a frown on her face.
"Do you really have to understand it?" wondered Asuka.
"Huh?"
Letting out a low sigh, Asuka's breath tickled Shinji's chest, making him squirm. Asuka smiled slightly at this and said, "Love isn't something easily understood in the first place, something which I've realized recently. But if being around somebody makes you happy, shouldn't that be enough?"
Shinji looked at Asuka's face, feelings and emotions running through him which he had forgotten. Asuka was...had always been, somebody important to him, somebody that could never be replaced. If this was love...then-
Shinji wrapped his arms around Asuka's back, and pulled her towards him, resting his forehead against hers as he did so. Asuka smiled slightly as she closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of closeness that radiated from herself and Shinji.
"Hey Shinji...would it be selfish of me to do something?" asked Asuka quietly.
Shinji opened his eyes and looked at her. Her eyes were open as well as she stared back at him; they were incredibly clear.
Shinji shook his head softly.
"Okay," mumbled Asuka as she leaned into him, pressing her breasts against his chest as she kissed him. Though momentarily caught off guard, Shinji let his own emotions take hold, and kissed Asuka back, projecting his love of her through the kiss.
They broke apart shortly, and stared back at each other. It had been painful, but they had been able to overcome that pain.
"Hey Shinji," mumbled Asuka as she cupped his face in her hands.
"Yeah..." nodded Shinji.
Asuka leaned forward, and kissed him again, her lips overlapping with his, her warmth meshing with his. Shinji placed his arms behind her bare back, running his hands along it. Asuka shivered at his touch again, but continued kissing him. She wanted this, even if they forgot it. She wanted to feel Shinji like this at least once. The future was uncertain, so she wanted to enjoy this moment without worry about what was to come.
Asuka broke the kiss off first, and looked away from Shinji. Her cheeks were slightly pink, but looking out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Shinji's as well were pink. She chuckled a little at that.
'We are only fifteen years old after all,' thought Asuka. Hopefully though, there would be many more moments like this to come.
"...Asuka...uhh..." stuttered Shinji
"Hmmm?" asked Asuka with a raised eyebrow, regaining some of her flare.
"Sorry...just surprised is all."
"I told you it was selfish," said Asuka as she stood up and threw her arms above her head, stretching her body. Now that they weren't so close, Shinji wasn't able to look at her. Partly because Asuka was still naked, but partly because he was still embarrassed over what had happened.
"Is this still inside the Black Egg though?" asked Asuka as she looked around.
"Yes...but this is inside your mind," said Shinji as she sat up, his eyes still looking at the ground.
"How are you here exactly then?"
"AT-field," said Shinji simply.
"Then how exactly are we supposed to get out?"
"That would be your doing I'm guessing," said Shinji.
Asuka looked over at him, and frowned, annoyed that he wasn't looking at her. All right, yes this was highly embarrassing, and yes they were both naked, but hadn't they both basically said they still loved each other?
"Well...I'll try," said Asuka.
Asuka closed her eyes then and searched for her body within the sea of LCL fluid. It was difficult at first, but Asuka knowing who she was, found her body relatively quickly. That and the fact it was sectioned off from everybody else.
"Did you find it?" asked Shinji. He felt the plane they were in suddenly lose some of its foundation.
"Yeah, I did," said Asuka as she walked over to him and held a hand out. Shinji wordlessly took it, still trying not to look directly at her.
"See above then," said Asuka with a small smile.
"Yeah..." mumbled Shinji.
The white walls around them shattered, and darkness engulfed the two of them. At first, Shinji was surprised by this, but saw Asuka unaffected by it, and assumed everything was okay.
Shinji opened his eyes within the sea of orange LCL fluid and looked quickly down at the girl next to him. After several seconds, Asuka opened her eyes slowly, blinking as she looked up at Shinji.
"Is this it?" asked Asuka as she sat up.
"It is..." said Shinji.
"I'm starting to wish I stayed in there."
Shinji didn't appreciate the joke. Asuka however looked down at her body, and quickly covered it; she was still naked. Darting her gaze towards Shinji, she looked at him annoyingly, since he still had clothes on.
"How come I'm naked and you're not?"
"Probably because I came from the outside," said Shinji. "And you seemed fine before."
'Because you were naked also,' thought Asuka wordlessly.
"Well...whatever. Lets get out of there. I want to see Lilith-"
Pain hit Asuka's heart as her memories caught up with her. Flashes of everything seared her mind so that she was forced to clutch her head in agony.
"Asuka!" shouted Shinji.
Rushing to her side, he gripped her shoulders and held her against his chest. She was shaking uncontrollably.
"Shinji...it hurts," Asuka groaned as tears started leaking from her eyes.
'Damn it,' thought Shinji. Asuka's mind still wasn't able to cope with the new memories. Everything contradicted everything else so that she didn't know what was right anymore. And the rape...Shinji knew this is what tormented Asuka the most. Having to remember the feeling of it must have been too terrible.
'But Lilith should be able to help,' Shinji told himself.
"C'mon on Asuka. I'll guide you out."
Asuka sniffed slightly and pressed her head against Shinji's chest, uncaring now that she was naked.
Shinji continued moving forward through the stream of LCL fluid, carrying Asuka in his arms as he went, holding onto her dearly. Asuka was silent, but she was still shaking in Shinji's arms. Shinji didn't know what he was supposed to say to her, or how to even comfort her right now. He could try to alter her memories with his AT-field he supposed, but nothing good would likely come of that.
No, it was only Lilith that he could rely on right now.
After what felt like hours, Shinji finally broke free of the Black Egg. The last stretch had surprised him however, as nobody tried to impede them. He suspected that Lilith might have had something to do with this.
His body was of course still resting inside Unit 01, providing the equation to Third Impact, so this was where he was transported to after he broke free of the Egg. He felt his mind slowly float down into his body, but only one thing was missing.
"Asuka?" asked Shinji.
She had returned there with him. But he had been sure that she had been with him when he-
"I have her here with me Shinji," came Lilith's voice from around him.
"Lilith, if you do anything to harm Asuka, I swear."
"Relax, I wont harm her in any way. I just want to talk with you for now, about what happens now. I've put her mind at rest momentarily so she doesn't have to deal with the pain however."
"Fine, I'm coming over," said Shinji.
Leaving his mind, he traveled to the Garden of Eden, and felt his feet slam down on the white soil there. He was standing in front of the Tree of Life. He stared at it for several seconds, looking at its withered state before he turned towards the two people beside it. Asuka was laying on the ground, breathing deeply as she rested. Shinji almost wished that things could stay like that forever, that Asuka wouldn't have to feel anymore pain. But such a thing was impossible.
Turning towards the person beside her, he looked at Lilith for a few seconds. She was looking down at Asuka with a curious expression on her face, something which reminded Shinji of Rei momentarily.
"You found her," said Lilith simply.
"There was never a moment when I didn't think I would," said Shinji.
Lilith turned towards him and said, "But you were also a bit late. She remember things that her already weakened mind was not able to take, and without you there, she faded away. Though she is sleeping peacefully now, if she were to wake up, that pain would still be there."
"But you said there was something you could do."
"I did, but I must first ask you Shinji about the circumstances of which you will be thrown in. I told you already that the world will be as it is for several years until the planet starts to regrow. If humans leave things untouched for a time, it will speed up the process. Not every human will return of course, some desiring the false reality, and they can become enamored in it for all I care. That is there decision. But humans will return nonetheless."
"As for you and Asuka...it seems impossible to separate you. Whether you have your memories in tact or not, you two still sot each other out. I don't believe it is a thing that can be prevented, but I can alleviate your pain to some degree, as I am partially to blame because of that pain."
"Shinji, as you know, Adam created the bodies of you humans, and I created your AT-field, everything that incorporates a person. There personality, thoughts, and memories, they all make up who a person is. The angels each had a power, and Adam and myself being the forerunners had powers of creation. I created things more abstract, while Adam created things more physical. The AT-fields are an example of this. They are impossible to see or feel by normal humans, but they exist nonetheless."
"Shinji...though you and Asuka love each other, you both unknowingly hurt each other and were hurt by the things around you, and this is no more apparent then with what Asuka is dealing with right now. If she had never met you, would she ever have experience those things? The same for you; if you had never met Asuka, would you ever have discovered your angel powers and the fact that you are Adam's son? All these things hurt you however, even if they are the truth, for the truth usually hurts."
"I'm sorry for everything that I've done, and as I said, I am partially to blame. I showed you how to control your powers, I nudged you along the way, hoping that things would fall into place as they did. But still, you rejected me, you rejected Instrumentality, you rejected the false reality, all for the girl that you love, even though you were uncertain about that love. That girl replied in turn, loving you as you loved her. But the pain of everything will still exist, even with that love there."
"I've decided that I'll help you and Asuka in this regard however, and erase all your memories of each other."
Shinji was silent, thinking that he had heard wrong. Erase there memories of each other? Something like that was...but he cherished those memories he had of Asuka. He didn't want to lose them!
"Lilith...that is-"
"Something which you can't agree with?" asked Lilith.
"Of course! I just got Asuka back, and now you say that we should just forget about each other completely? Bullshit!"
"Shinji, think about it this way. Those memories will forever be ingrained in your mind. You are strong, and that is largely thanks to your angel prowess, but Asuka is still human, and having memories from two completely separate moments in her life will torment her until she wont know which one is truly her."
"But-"
"This is all I can do Shinji. It is the only way to take care of Asuka's pain. And you yourself are in pain, even if you don't want to admit it. You locked many things away inside you, but if those were to spill forth suddenly, your rage and anger may break people dear to you. Do you want that?"
"No, but-"
Lilith shook her head and looked down at Asuka.
"I spoke to her briefly before you arrived here, and told her about my offer. She, like you was hesitant, but I think she believed as I do that even if your memories of each other no longer exist, the love for each other will still remain. Memories may disappear and fade, but the body remembers a person important to it. You and Asuka connected on a level few humans are able to, and even though you are both at such a young age, you were both able to recognize each for who they were. Many humans, and even couples are unable to do this, and don't understand what the other is really thinking. But you and Asuka aren't like that."
"So then...she agreed to it?"
"Only if you do," replied Lilith. "Ultimately, it has to be both your decisions."
Shinji's eyes moved towards Asuka momentarily gazing at her longingly.
"Lilith...if I agree to this...what about the other humans. What will happen to them?"
Lilith paused for a brief second and thought about this.
"For a time, I shall keep them within the Black Egg until I deem the time ready for the Lilim's rebirth. During that time, you and Asuka will be able to live alone, free from any turmoil. I can give you several years to grow with each other."
"And what of my angel powers? Can you do anything about those?"
Lilith's face fell slightly, as she remembered the conversation she had had with Rei.
"Unfortunately Shinji, I can't do anything about that, nor could Adam even. You born from Adam and human, and were given the powers of an angel. I don't have any say in the matter. You are you are and will forever be. Even if you memories are gone, that part of you still remains."
"...I see," said Shinji.
Lilith watched Shinji, wondering if she should voice her opinion on the subject, but her and Rei had already talked about that. It wasn't there place to interfere.
"Then you agree to this?" asked Lilith.
Shinji once again looked over Asuka; he nodded his head slowly.
"Okay," said Lilith.
Standing up, she walked over to Shinji and placed a hand of hers on his head.
"One last thing Lilith...what will you do after this? What will you and Ayanami do?"
"...I thought about your words, and have decided to search for Adam. He's out there somewhere, and seeing you and Asuka reminded me of times I'd all but forgotten. I'll hold onto the hope that we can become one again. But for the time being, I'll watch over the earth until the Lilim return. Afterwards...well, I'll worry about that when the time comes."
Lilith smiled slightly at Shinji, who couldn't help but smile back.
"Its been enjoyable seeing you grow into the person you are today," said Lilith. "I wish you and Asuka all the best."
Lilith then lightly tapped Shinji on the forehead, and whiteness immediately engulfed his mind.
At first, Shinji thought that he was inside Asuka's mind again, but as he noticed, things were slightly different. Though everything was white, there was a distinct outline of a wooden bench in the middle of the plane.
As Shinji started walking towards it, he felt a light tap on the back of his shoulder and jumped immensely. Spinning around, he saw Asuka standing there, a wide grin on her face. She was wearing her plug suit, and looking down at himself, Shinji noticed that he was wearing his as well.
"Jump easily, don't you?" laughed Asuka as she teased him.
"What was that for?"
"Just felt like it," said Asuka as she walked past him. Sitting down on the bench, she patted the spot beside her, indicating that she wanted him to sit next to her. Shinji did so, glancing sideways at her as she did so. Asuka threw her hands behind the bench and stretched her feet out.
"Ah, it feels good to be wearing a plug suit again."
"Says you," mumbled Shinji.
"You never did enjoy using the Evangelions."
"And you did?"
"Well, it was always someplace I could go...and Mama was there of course," said Asuka. "Though of course, meeting you messed that up completely."
"Do you regret that?"
"Not at all," said Asuka as she turned and looked at Shinji. "Meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me."
Shinji stared back at her, amazed that she had said such words.
"I mean, who else is always going to cook my meals," laughed Asuka.
Shinji sighed; he should have known better than to expected anything else.
But all too suddenly, Asuka's head tilted sideways onto Shinji's shoulder.
"Asuka?"
"...Will you hold me Shinji?" Asuka whispered through half closed lips.
Shinji did so, wrapping an arm around Asuka's shoulder and pulling her close to himself. He then rest his chin on the top of her head and nuzzled it against her silky hair.
"Shinji...I'm scared about the future. Did we make the right decision?"
Shinji looked down at Asuka, and saw her eyes wide with fear. He didn't want such an emotion to ever pass through her once again. So-
"The pain will be gone," said Shinji as he brushed his lips against her hair.
"But will we be...will we be able to love each other again?"
Shinji drew his head away from her. Resting his hand on her chin, he tilted her chin upwards so that she was looking at him.
"For us, such a thing is always possible."
Shinji then leaned down and kissed Asuka sweetly. Even if he forgot, it didn't matter. He wanted this to be the last thing they remembered together.
As Shinji and Asuka broke apart, a bright light from somewhere in the far distance shot outward. Shinji noticed the space they were in start to disappear, almost like when he had left Asuka's mind. But it was fading away, almost like a millions feathers floating in the wind.
Shinji wrapped his arms around Asuka then, hugging her tightly. If things were gonna disappear like this, he wanted them to be-
"Huh?"
Shinji sat alone on the bench, his arms wrapped around empty space.
'What was I?' he wondered.
Then the whiteness engulfed him as it had engulfed Asuka.
Lilith sat alone under the Tree of Life. Both Shinji and Asuka lay side by side in an almost comatose like state.
'Well, things can now progress as they wish,' thought Lilith as she let out a low sigh. Placing a hand over both Shinji's and Asuka's body, she moved them from the Garden of Eden, to the ruins of Tokyo-3 below.
'Now comes the difficult part,' sighed Lilith. Without Shinji's body, Third Impact would crumble away. Even though the Black Egg would remain in tact, she now had to focus all her power into putting humanity to sleep.
'I suppose I've got my work cut out for me,' thought Lilith. Turning back to the Tree of Life, she stared at it one final time. But she noticed something then.
"Hmph, Adam and Eve huh?"
Two sprouts had appeared on the Tree of Life's withered branches.
'Well, its in there hands now,' thought Lilith.
Afterwards, she disappeared from that place, never again to return in any shape or form.