My answer to you
Hey Chlo
I never meant to tell anyone, I never told anyone. I'm sure of it, why would I?! so when you, who I call my friend asks me about my mother I'm surprised, a bit taken aback and immediately prepared to avoid all the questions. So since I don't like talking about it, I wrote it down, proud of me? Here goes nothing
I never talk about her, you're right about that part. No, she's not dead, yet. And with that I don't mean I'm gonna kill her, I should, but everyone dies eventually. That monster is no exception, I just wish she'd be dead already. And yes, you're right, I shouldn't say shit like that about my mother but. Here comes the BUT, my mom gives me no reason what so ever, to be nice to her, so I'm not. The bitch does not deserve my love, she deserves all the hate she can get for giving up on her daughter. Yup, read it again if you need to, my mom doesn't, didn't and has never loved me. Not even before my father left me with her, she never treated me like a mom should treat her daughter. How is that even? I was always a quiet kid, always felt like nobody would ever love me, like my mom couldn't love me. Other mothers would pick their kid up from school and make their lunches, mine let me walk home and I had to steal money to get lunch. My mom most definitely left her marks on me, mental and physical, I had nowhere to hide from her. I hated my dad for leaving me with her, I swore that I'd kill them both, no way life in prison could be worse than life here. I never did hard drugs though, proud of myself, only soft. Yeah I know, still terrible, what does a caring parent say when she/he finds out their daughter uses drugs? I got these ear spikes monstrosities, loads of tattoos and my mom was not about to tell me I couldn't, I wasn't gonna let her. For the first time in my life I stood up for myself, I ended up in the hospital, great job Beca! My mother told everyone that I fell of the stairs and I was too afraid to correct her, I always hated that place.
Then I had my first crush, a girl. Of course it was a fucking girl, that was a slap to the face, you see, my mom doesn't like gay men or women. I didn't tell her but one way or another she found out and I ended up in the hospital, apparently I had been in a car accident. That's what my mother told everyone, of course I said nothing to defend myself and once again I was the stupid girl, it was all my fault. Everything is always my fault, that's true though, it might be my depressive thought process but you know I get blamed for a lot of things I didn't do. Here's a hint AUBREY POSEN, back to the story. After I graduated high school I left the house as soon as possible and went to look for my dad, I hadn't forgiven him, not even close but I didn't want to kill him anymore that's progress I guess, and I realized that he was my best shot. Only a backpack full of stuff I was out the door, hoping to never see my mother again.
As you know, my father helped me, he seemed to be sorry for leaving me with the monster that I call mom and he got me into Barden. He also drove down to our old house to get the rest of my stuff and when he came back he found out that my mother had been abusing me, he called the police and they put my mom behind bars, she'd never see me again. I should be happy right, I got a great life here. I have friends for the first time ever and I feel fine. I even have you.
But I'm not happy, the scars remain and when I make a wrong move they hurt, even after all these years. I'm not good at cardio because I can't run without tears in my eyes, every step hurts. You might've seen it when you walked in on me in the shower, or when you'd hug me. I love your hugs but man that hurts, I'm not saying this to make you or anyone feel guilty but I want you to understand me. I feel like I should at least tell someone and I chose you, just because you asked, you cared. And I trust you, and I love you. Wait what?! Yup read it again if you like, I really like you and I'm willing to let you see the real me, to for once not crawl back in my shell as soon as the questions come. Would you like to go on a date with me, if you say no that's fine, we can just be friends like right now but I just felt like you needed to know.
Anyway, this turned sappy real quick, I'm gonna quickly post this before I lose all the bravery that I had for writing this all down. Sorry if my story makes you sad
Sincerely,
Becca