A month passed. Kurt felt starved, although his parents nearly stuffed his face for him. It wasn't food he longed for, it was Blaine, and locking himself in his room and weeping into his pillow was soon a normal activity for him. He had dropped out of McKinley and was now being homeschooled by Carole.
He felt exactly like Bella Swan from Twilight: New Moon. Before, he was annoyed by Bella's attitude after Edward left, but now he totally sympathized. Mercedes and Rachel made him watch New Moon over and over, making pointed comments about how Bella should move on and be happy again.
But then Kurt would start crying again, and they would back off and hug him and focus on Taylor Lautner's six-pack. While it was beautiful, nothing could tear Blaine out of Kurt's head.
It was another one of those sleepover nights. It was Friday, and Mercedes, Rachel, and Tina were camped out in Kurt's bedroom. His first one, the one he'd been kidnapped from several months ago. He'd moved back in after he came home from the hospital.
They had finished New Moon and Kurt had already cried. Mercedes had hastily popped in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and Kurt was curled on the couch next to her, his head on her shoulders. Tina sat on his other side, stroking his arm. Rachel was on the floor, her back touching Kurt's knees.
"This movie is really boring, isn't it?" Kurt asked laconically about twenty minutes in. As usual, the other girls looked slightly surprised when he spoke up. "Harry basically whines about nobody believing him for two hours. Then they do believe him. Then he's just more upset."
Mercedes watched Kurt drift off to sleep, his eyelashes fluttering delicately and his mouth relaxing. Soon he was asleep and Tina switched off the movie.
"I feel so bad for him." Rachel whispered. She watched Kurt's face twitch and breathe something unintelligible.
"I wonder why they haven't found Blaine yet." Mercedes said quietly. "It's been weeks. His poor family..."
Nobody had noticed that Kurt had silently woken up, as he never slept long. He listened to them, biting his lip.
"Do you think Sebastian buried him somewhere in the woods?" Tina asked in a hushed tone.
"I bet he did, that bast– well, yeah." Mercedes hissed. "I can just see him shooting Blaine and then dumping him in some dirt somewhere and then killing himself, and Blaine just lying under the flowers, and – "
"Stop it!" Kurt cried, and they all jumped. "Just stop it!" he jumped off of the couch and ran upstairs, sobbing uncontrollably.
Mercedes clapped a hand to her mouth. "Oh, crap!"She felt terrible.
They all stared at the doorway, willing Kurt to come back.
"Why did you have to say that?" Rachel snapped, rising to her feet. "I'll go find Kurt and calm him down. This is the second time tonight, by the way. You two start another movie or something."
She walked briskly out of the room.
"Kurt?" Rachel called softly, tiptoeing down the hallway. She didn't want to wake up anybody. "Kurt?"
She heard faint whimpering from the bathroom at the end of the hall. Rachel crept to the door and cracked it open. She peered in.
Kurt was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his head in his hands. His back was to the door, but a faint dripping sound told Rachel that he was crying. She felt a pang. Kurt used to be so strong. So confident. All of that was gone now.
"Kurt." said Rachel quietly. Kurt turned around.
"What is it?" he sniffled. "Do you want to talk about burying Blaine in the park, or about shooting Sebastian? Or maybe you want to tell me to move on. Everybody else has. But I won't move on. I won't, I can't, I shouldn't..." he trailed off.
Rachel sighed and sat down next to him. "I'm really sorry. Tina and Mercedes were tactless."
She reached over and gently wiped his eyes. "But Kurt." said Rachel softly. "What word did you have in your locker, under Blaine's picture?"
"Courage."Kurt replied timidly. He looked up at the ceiling, willing the tears to slip back into his eyes. They didn't.
Rachel nodded encouragingly. "That's right. Blaine wanted you to be brave. Why should that change now that he's gone?"
Kurt cringed. "I need him, Rachel. Every time I close my eyes I see him. He's like a drug, I guess. It's so hard for me to find love. And then I did – and now he's dead and it's all S-Sebastian's fault!" Another tear rolled down his face. "And Sebastian can be happy forever, because he won!" Kurt was sobbing again. Rachel had to concentrate hard to understand what he was saying.
"And I'm a mess. I'm a mess every – every day – he – h-he won, Rachel, h-he beat me, even t-though he's d-dead! I – I let it – I let it ruin me. I-I really did. Blaine would be – h-he would be so dis-dis-disappointed!" Kurt wailed.
"Aww." Rachel smiled, grabbing his hand and letting Kurt cry into her nightgown. "We love you, Kurt. We love you so much, and we don't want to see you hurting. We need you back."
Kurt looked at the bathtub drain, ashamed. "You're right." he said shakily. "I need to stop being so weak. I need to stop going to pieces every time someone mentions Blaine's name. I need to stop crying so much. I need to go back to school."
"You need to come back to Glee club." Rachel added, putting her arm around Kurt's shoulder and squeezing. "We need you. You need us."
Kurt swallowed and leaned into her. "Thank you." he sighed, blinking hard. "You're a good friend, Rachel. Not many people would put up with me in this state. Even Finn will snap at me for crying every once in awhile."
"Do you think about it a lot?" Rachel asked tentatively.
"Every day." Kurt sighed shakily. "Rachel, I'll never forget those days in the Dalton basement. I see Sebastian in my head when it's dark. I feel him beating me. I hear him taunting me."
Rachel couldn't imagine living like that.
"He kidnapped me. He tried to kill me. He – he killed my B-Blaine, and he tortures me from the grave."
"Kurt..." Rachel had to know. "Kurt...do you hurt yourself?"
"No," Kurt looked at her like she was crazy. "I wouldn't do that. I'm in enough pain already."
Rachel wanted to lighten the conversation. "I can't wait to go to NYADA with you in a couple of months. Even though you left McKinley, you can still go to college with me." she smiled, and stood up, ruffling his hair affectionately. "Do you want to go back to your room now? I bet Mercedes and Tina feel pretty bad right now. They'd probably feel less awful if you came back."
Kurt looked at her. "I'll be there in a minute. Probably."
"Alright. Hurry back." said Rachel kindly, and she left the bathroom.
Now Kurt felt worse. He was letting Blaine down. Rachel was right. He had to have courage. Be brave.
But being brave was so hard. Kurt wanted to curl up in the bathtub and cry all night. Every time he thought of Blaine's death, it was like when he'd first found out in the hospital. The pain never lessened, he just got better at controlling his tear ducts.
He didn't know that happiness was several miles away. If it weren't for what happened next, he might not have ever known.
Kurt stood up and walked unsteadily back down the hallway, knowing in his heart that tomorrow, he would do the exact routine again. The girls wouldn't be sleeping over, but he'd end up crying just the same.
Kurt slipped into Finn's bedroom, and was vaguely surprised to see that Rachel wasn't in there. Sometimes she disappeared during Kurt's sleepovers and everybody knew where she was.
Finn was snoring peacefully, his lips parted. Kurt sat down lightly on the edge of his bed, taking comfort in the rhythmic rising and falling of his chest. He forgot about the girls in his bedroom and curled up against the footboard.
When Kurt woke up the next morning, he was in the center of the bed. He was alone in Finn's bedroom, a thick comforter spread over his body, a pillow under his head. Finn must have done it. Kurt's lips twitched. Finn was a good brother.
He sagged back into the sheets, dreading another day without Blaine.
It was another Saturday night for Kurt. He was sitting in his bedroom, in the cage-like chair in the corner, as he always seemed to do these days.
He was unaware of his surrounding, his eyes distant.
Burt Hummel stood in the doorway, looking down into Kurt's room. He was appalled at the way Kurt was handling Blaine's death. He was angry with Blaine for dying, at Sebastian for torturing him, and at himself for letting everything happen. Wasn't he supposed to be Kurt's protector?
Downstairs, Kurt blinked. He was looking at something on a shelf. Burt knew what it was. He was staring at a photograph of Blaine. A few Warblers had given it to him in the hospital. Kurt had gotten rid of everything that reminded him of Blaine except for that picture.
He couldn't believe that the Warblers and the Fight Clubbers got off so easy. Community service...big whoop! They should be in jail! Burt thought furiously. He watched Kurt and suddenly devised a plan to help him.
Burt strode downstairs, and Kurt's head snapped up. "Dad?" he asked dully.
Burt said casually, "Aren't you going to Rachel's house tonight?"
Kurt shook his head. "I backed out. Too tired. They don't really want me there anyway."
Burt walked over to Kurt's shelf and plucked the precious picture from the bookcase.
"Dad!" Kurt shrieked, springing out of his chair. "What are you doing?"
"Putting it away." Burt started walking back upstairs. He felt Kurt's hand scrabble frantically against his arm.
"Dad, stop it!" Kurt yelled, flabbergasted. "Give it back, Dad!"
He was at the top of the stairs now. Burt finally turned around to face his teary-eyed son. Kurt's face was twisted with confusion and betrayal. "Dad, what are you doing?"
Burt waved the frame in Kurt's face. "Staring at him all day isn't going to bring him back. I don't want you to wallow down here and stare at a picture all day. That'll do you no good. You have a life ahead of you! This has to stop!"
"Daddy!" Kurt whimpered, and Burt felt dreadful. Kurt only called him 'Daddy' when he was really upset.
"I'm sorry, Kurt. It's called tough love." Burt said, and tucked the picture frame under his arm. "He is gone, son. He's been gone for awhile. You need to move on."
"How did you feel when Mom passed, Daddy?" Kurt demanded, angrily wiping his eyes with his sleeve.
Burt gave a low whistle. "I wanted to lie in bed and cry." he admitted. Then he seemed to regret what he'd said.
"And then I met Carole." Burt added quickly. "I found her, and she's not a replacement, but I love her."
Kurt shook his head slowly. "You wanted to lie in bed and sob your heart out. So I suggest you let me do the same." His lip trembled.
"No, Kurt." Burt said steadfastly. "You're going to come upstairs and spend some time with your family. And you're going to put on a brave face."
Kurt hung his head, defeated. "Do I get my picture back?" he mumbled.
"No." Burt replied, tucking it under his arm, ignoring Kurt's indignant yelp. "It's what's best for you, Kurt. You'll see. Come on."
He wrapped his arm around Kurt's back and led him upstairs.
A/N: Poor Kurtie.
We are nearing the end :0 One more chapter, then epilogue.
Also, in case you were wondering, Kurt forgave the Warblers because he knew they didn't want to hurt him. And he is a forgiving person. Besides, frowning gives him wrinkles and he is WAY to young for Botox.