4. watch the rain fall

I love rain, I just do. You might think that's weird but I can explain, you should look at the rain and really see it. Not thinking things like ah shit, it's raining again but no, that's not what you should focus on. Focus on your surroundings, take it all in. now see how the rain falls on everything, nothing can escape it, every drop lands eventually. Our lives are a bit like those drops, we fall and we fall until we hit the ground and it's over. And if it's possible you should go outside whenever it's raining just to feel the rain on your skin and feel it dripping down, slowly soaking your clothes and you along with it.

I used to go outside in the middle of heavy storms to drown the thoughts out, to drown the sounds out, because the rain is louder than my mom and dad fighting. They always fought, then my father left.

Now for example, it's storming outside and I'm sitting on a balcony, my feet dangling from the edge. It's my girlfriend's apartment and I was going to get a glass of water when I saw the weather. I haven't done this in years, music was the new way to get rid of any shouting, it was a little less dangerous. I got sick a lot from sitting outside for hours and nights, not that I cared. Especially after my dad left and my mom became an addict, she abused me. Used to hit me 'til I was bleeding or on bad nights cut me and I'd just sit in the rain, watching all the blood disappear.

Chloe has seen the scars, she knows they're on my body and even though I love her and I trust her, every time I want to tell her how I got them I choke and cry. It hurts to relive those times, I do that enough in my nightmares. I used to wake up every night, sweating, crying and some nights even screaming. For years I had not had one good night sleep, I slept but I didn't get any rest. It drove me crazy, my grades dropped and I wanted to kill myself. I never got the chance to try because Chloe noticed how I looked worse every day, she tried to talk to me but figured that wasn't gonna work. Then she picked me up and took me in her arms, she sang to me until I fell asleep. That was the first night I got some good sleep, it was also the start of something beautiful.

"hey" I look up and smile as I see Chloe next to me, you see what I mean with drowning all the thoughts out?

"hey you"

She cuddles up beside me "what are you doing here?"

"just thinking"

"thinking of what?"

I look to my hands, they're numb but don't feel cold "my parents"

"you never talk about them"

"they're not worth it, I know I never tell you anything but I wanna try" Chloe looks up, she nods "my mom and dad used to fight a lot, I'd sit in the rain so I wouldn't hear it. Then my dad left" I reach over and take my girlfriends hand "my mom, she" tears start rolling down my face and I let them "she started drinking and took all her anger out on me, she blamed me for the divorce" Chloe gets up and pulls me into a hug

"let's go inside, you're save now. I won't let anything happen to you"

I just sob into her shoulder while she takes me inside and she only lets me go to help me change in some dry clothes, we lay down on the bed and just like the first night we slept in the same bed, she puts her arms around me and sings me to sleep. Never in my life have I felt so happy, I'm happy I told her, I'm happy I know her, I'm happy she's mine and I'm happy she's right here with me.

"I love you Chlo"

"I love you too, now sleep"

The next morning I wake with a smile on my face and with a gorgeous redhead sleeping next to me, together we can conquer anything.