Hi! You cannot imagine how happy I was when I saw your review LegendRobbins, it means a lot. Not that this next thing is in any way related to that but it is nice to know someone likes this.

8. I wrote this letter to say goodbye

Hi Chlo,

before I start this I just wanted to say I love you. I might not always act like it, but I really do love you, you know that.

Knowing that I won't be around for long, I wanted to write this letter. Just us looking back on all the awesome moments in our friendship and later on marriage, you helped me process my childhood and made me the happy person I once was. It was the little things you did, like the time you shouted at everyone in the room to leave me the fuck alone, all because you knew that inside I was having an anxiety attack and you knew that I needed some quiet.

I love the first moment we met, the activities fair at Barden. You were trying to get girls to join the Bella's but Aubrey didn't like any of them, including me. Still you talked to me, I don't really understand why but when I ask you always say that you had a feeling. Come on Chlo, what am I supposed to do with that. I told you I didn't sing, which was (obviously) a lie but I was kinda afraid of your blonde friend… Well, if I liked it or not, the feeling you had (whatever it was) was right. I proved that when you walked in on my shower, and we sang together. I know this sounds cliché but I had never in my life seen anyone as beautiful as you and then we sang together and it sounded heavenly. Before I knew what I was doing I was kissing you and luckily you kissed me back, that was our first kiss, in a shower, naked, the second time we met. We both left the showers later with the promise to do that again sometime, of course I ended up joining the Bella's. We started dating and even when I walked away from the group after my improvisation, you were there for me. I never properly thanked you for that, so thank you Chloe, for always staying by my side.

You have this effect on me, it's not really fair, I see your piercing blue eyes and I'll do whatever you ask me to. Like the time you convinced me that getting a dog would be a good idea, stupid little me made the mistake of looking in your eyes and boom, we were getting a dog. Or the time you wanted to go on a road trip to New York, just because you got all excited about it I couldn't refuse because the truth is simple. I love you, I love seeing you happy but most of all I love to be one that makes you happy. That's why I asked you to marry me, I was always kinda sure I didn't deserve you and that one day I'd fuck it up and you'd be gone. You said yes though and we were never happier, I stopped worrying and we were supposed to live happily ever after. Now it turns out, it's me, it was me all along, I am the one who is leaving. I don't want to leave Chlo, I'm so scared.

I'm sorry for the smudged ink, I let a few tears slip, I'll try to write around them. I'm sorry if I made you cry, I never meant to make you cry, I only ever wanted to make you happy and if you're crying sad tears right now it means I failed. You better not be crying Mitchell! I love that, you're Chloe Mitchell now but I get it if you want to change your name back to Beale, there's no need to keep being reminded of me.

I remember that day at the doctor's office like it was yesterday, it all felt like a blur. I just remember looking to my hands an seeing you grab them while the tears started to stream down my face, you were so strong, you talked to the doctor and lead me outside. I don't know what I would've done without you, because after we got home we both cried, there was just no way this was happening. If there is a god up there, he's cruel being. What did we ever do to deserve this!? Please, I'm begging the person up there to get us through this without losing the other.

I was hopeless, that's what the doctors said. I wanted to give up but that would mean never seeing you again and I simply couldn't do that, so I'm doing the treatment and now I'm laying here. You had to go to work, I miss you. Knowing that I I'm probably not making it to the end of the month, I wanted to leave you something, something that will never get lost unless you want it to. And I know that I could tell you all of these things but words disappear, writing stays forever. Sounds smart right. But that's not all, I need you to have the necklace that is in this envelope. You probably found it already, but I'll tell you the story behind it anyway. As you can see the little pendant is a teddy bear, like mr. cuddles. I wanted to give you a teddy bear necklace because you remind me of one. Not the part where a teddy bear is a stuffed animal or fat, don't even think those thoughts Mitchell. I love how I had a teddy bear as a kid and I loved that thing to bits, whenever my parents fought or even after dad left, I would hug the bear and cry. I was so attached to it that I even brought it to college, I just wasn't able to leave it behind and I secretly vowed to always keep him. You are like that, whenever I am sad, I turn to you and you hold me and let me cry on your shoulder. I'm telling you Chloe, you are a much better cuddle than my bear. When we first got together I felt like I didn't need mr. cuddles anymore, you were my new safety net and it felt so much better to hug someone instead of a something. That's why I gave you a teddy bear, it's gold like you are to me. It's just a little something to help you remember the good things we had, I hope it makes you smile whenever you feel sad and I hope that you can move on.

You just texted saying you'll be here in five so I'll put an end to this and end with the same words is started.

I love you Chloe Mitchell, and I will always find my way back to you. Whether it's this life or the next, we will always end up together.

Yours,

Beca.

"Chloe? Are you in here?" a voice sounds through their apartment and the door slowly opens, I look up and smile at what I'm seeing. "what's wrong, what happened?" a second later I'm pulled in a hug and tears are flowing freely down my cheeks again.

"I found your letter" Beca pulls back and wipes the tears off with her thumb "I love you so much"

"I'm glad you read it but I'm also glad I never had to give it to you, I genuinely forgot about it" she puts our foreheads together and looks me in my eyes "it's over now though, we got through it together, we're free, I'm clean. I'm never leaving you, okay?" I press my lips on her and when we part for a moment I softly mumble "okay" Beca smiles and grabs the necklace, she puts it around my neck and places soft kisses on it.

"I love you"

"I love you too"