Chapter 3
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the following premises that the Naruto characters find themselves in. And to be honest, I'm not even sure I own that.
As I said before, if you find a drabble in this slew of stupidity that you want to expand on, then by all means have at it. Seeing how other people change and pervert my ideas is a lot more fun, and admittedly less stressful, than perverting said ideas myself.
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Silly Drabble 5
Have you ever wondered why neither Nawaki or Tsunade ever followed in their grandfather or great uncle's footsteps techniquewise like many other children from clans are prone to do? It's because before he became Hokage and matured, Tobirama was a fucking clown. As a prank, he hid the family scroll that he and his brother had created (the ones where they imprinted a piece of themselves into it to teach future clan members), and then forgot where he hid it.
Fastforward a few decades later...
A young blond is running from a group of Anbu. No, they aren't drunk, and no they don't want to kill him. They really shouldn't even be chasing the boy, especially since he was only being brought to the Hokage about a recent string of pranks that had his name on them. The D-rank the Hokage had pegged capturing Naruto would be had been quickly bumped up to C-rank after several Genin had been sent home either traumatized or crying. It had been bumped up to B-rank when the more experienced Genin kept finding themselves pranked in the midst of the chase. It remained a B-rank mission until Naruto started the Shinobi Academy. It was bumped up to A-rank when the Chuunin sent out after him had been run in a circle for an hour, then embarrassed to all hell when they found themselves rounded up into one massive spider web of traps the boy had had time to stop and set up. Shortly after Naruto's twelth birthday it officially became an S-rank Anbu operation. When the team of Jounin sent after the boy had been found in an alley shaking, and holding onto each other for emotional support, the Hokage decided that it was time for Anbu. Little did they know that in just three weeks time, they too would fall prey to the talentedly (1) evasive blond.
Anyway, the young blond was running, because the longer he could keep away, the longer it would be before he had to help clean up. Naruto ducked down an alley in the clan district, and ran to the end, before slipping through the hole in the fence. When he got through, he found a large dilapidated building with a cat flap in the door. He knew that if he could get into the building, he could hide out for a bit. Why the Anbu never used their ability to sense chakra to search him out, he didn't know, but he wasn't going to let that fact go to waste. Finding an open window, he climbed through. Walking around the small home, he began to look explore the building he'd found. It was in searching a room that resembled his own living room, the he happened upon a loose floorboard. How it was discovered, was Naruto's foot going through the wood. Pulling his foot out, he discovered a scroll sitting there. Being naturally curious, Naruto picked it up and was surprised when it opened. Inside, he found what appeared to be a letter.
To Whom It Concerns
I am Hashirama Senju, and my brother and I felt it prudent to make sure that our clan's techniques survive us. We have sealed into this scroll the means to pass down this information, all one needs to do is place a bit of blood on the seals. If you are part of our family, then the seals should activate. If you are not, then the seal will disappear until such time as one of our family opens this. However, if the seal finds you worthy, then parts the rest of the scroll should reveal itself to you. Here you will find a few of our training methods. May they help you to further fan the Will of Fire.
Hashirama Senju
Shrugging, Naruto used his sharper than normal canines to draw blood on his thumb, before smearing some blood on the seal. There was a bright flash, one that Naruto thought was really cool, as the seals glowed. When the flash of light disappeared, the two seals on the scroll were gone. Naruto was disappointed when the seal disappeared, and nothing happened, but was at least mollified when the training methods mentioned appeared. Deciding to ignore both the occurence and the sudden headache he now had, Naruto continued to read.
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"Welcome to my domain mort-GASP..." In a sudden swirl of chakra and smoke, the giant fox disappeared, and a leggy redhead, with an amazing figure, especially in the bust, and a Kimono that was just on the proper side of decent appeared. She in turn glomped the former Shodai Hokage while cheering.
"Hashi-kun, you came for me!!!" The man's brother gained a twitch under the eye.
"I knew there was something going on between you two." Tobirama said. "You said you wanted to keep the strongest biju for yourself to keep things even. Bullshit, you wanted to keep her cuz you were fuckin her." His eyes widened in sudden understanding. "So that time I caught you two and Nibi together wasn't a drunken hallucination." Ignoring his brother for the moment, Hashirama turned to the uber sexy kitsune.
"Okay, I know how we got in here, but how did you get in here Kyuubi-chan?" He asked.
"Madara-teme used his creepy eyes to force me to attack Konoha again." She said, pouting. "Then this really handsome blond wearing your old robes used a jutsu that sealed me in his kid. He died doing the seal, but I can sense a portion of him in here just like you. By the way, did Tobirama-kun ever have any kids other than the one we know of? That blondie kinda looked like him, only his hair was wilder and spikier, and his bangs went to his chin." Hashirama glared at his brother.
"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did." He scolded.
"I did not have sexual relations with Lady Namikaze." Tobirama stated proudly. 'It was her sister, daughter, and neice.' Outloud he said. "You know I don't mess with married women; especially not after...ahem...that." Kyuubi grinned.
"By the way, that brat of yours ended up being one of Monkey-chan's students." She said.
"Really? Bitchin." Tobi replied. "Now, you said the guy that sealed you is in here too, right." Kyuubi nodded. "Well, let's go see if we can't find him. Get some info, maybe see about fixing this place up. I mean seriously, a sewer."
"You go on, and I'll join you later." Hashirama said. "Kyuubi-chan and I have some catching up to do." When the sexy kitsune blushed, and his brother smirked, the former Shodai twitched. "Not like that, you manwhore." Though everyone knew he was at least partially lying. As he headed off down the only exit in the room, Tobirama tossed back over his shoulder.
"Tch, you're just as big a whore as I am. You just chose to settle down."
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1. Yeah, I know it's not a word, so what.
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For those who are curious, in this story, Naruto is indeed related to the First, Second, Jiraiya, and Tsunade. Here's a bit of genealogy.
Hashirama and a Senju woman
Non-relevant Son
Nawaki and Tsunade
Tobirama and Mrs. Tachibana nee Hatake (Her younger sister would give birth to Sakumo Hatake a few years later)
Jiraiya
Tobirama and Lady Namikaze's sister
Daughter
Jiraiya and the aforementioned daughter (no he didn't know it was his sister; though as hot as she was, do you really think that would have stopped him)
Minato (Jiraiya was never told that Minato was his)
Minato and Kushina
Naruto
Going back over some of my old stuff, I found an old plot idea that could go with this.
You know what would be totally messed up, is if Minato was like Tobirama's grandson, resulting from a child that came from an affair that he never knew produced a child. Then Kushina was a descendent of a fling that Hiruzen had while away from Konoha during one of the wars; perhaps with a kunoichi from Whirlpool Country. Then through some wild twist of fate, one of the doctors doing a routine checkup on Naruto (likely Shizune to make it more humorous), finds a discrepancy with Naruto's blood work. She finds that he has a partial genetic match to all five of the village's Hokage. Oh the chaos that could cause. Now I'm not one to pimp out my story ideas, but I would be very grateful if someone were to take this up. It's a comedy just waiting to happen.
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Naruto interrupts Kakashi's introduction of the team to Zabuza on the bridge.
"I can't have you underestimating my team by calling them 'brats'." Kakashi said. "Sasuke is Leaf's #1 Rookie. Sakura is the brightest in the village..."
"I call bullshit." A voice said next to the Jounin. "Naruto...what do you mean?" He was also wanting to know how the blond snuck up on him, but letting Zabuza know that he'd been caught unawares would be a bad thing.
"You said Sakura is the brightest in the village, I call bullshit." He said again. "If she were the brightest, she would have realized long ago that Sasuke doesn't have any romantic interest in her. If she was the brightest, she would realize that doing the bare minimum in training and having nothing in her arsenal but the academy basics won't cut it. If she were the brightest, she'd have realized that real kunoichi don't diet to keep their figures, they train to keep in shape. If she was really the brightest, she'd realize that being a ninja, and not wanting to get dirty were an oxy-fucking-moron; or were you playing deaf that particular day sensei." The girl growled, stomped over, and took a swing at Naruto; missing when he ducked. "And if she were really the brightest, she wouldn't have let her anger get so ahead of her, that she'd leave the client unprotected to attack and possibly injure a teammate in a hostile environment, and especially against a foe like Zabuza and his partner." Zabuza couldn't help but snicker at that.
"Kid's got a point Kakashi." He then addressed the blond. "Hey kid, you want to join us? No abusive teammates over here."
"You know, Haku is really, really pretty." Both Nuke-nin and apprentice gave the boy strange looks. Haku, because they were wondering how he'd figured out who he was. Zabuza on the other hand was wierded out because he had to grudgingly admit, no matter how much it disturbed him to do so, that the boy was right. "If he had been a girl, I'd have probably given your offer some serious consideration. But since he's got the same dangling junk that I do, I'll have to pass. Besides, there's a girl back home that has a crush on me. I think I'll give her a chance instead of wasting my time on Sakura. It doesn't hurt that she's already got a C-cup at twelve."
"That's a girl?" Zabuza finally found his voice. "I thought it was just a really effiminate boy, like Haku."
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Worst Job Ever
My life sucks. I'm overworked, underpaid, and I'm in love with a woman I can't have. My bosses are a psycho with a god complex whose seriously overcompensating for something, and a mask wearing geriactric with MPD. I have to deal with the many injuries and ailments of a bunch of S-class drama queens. And worst yet, now I have to deal with the Queen of Emo Angst, Sasuke Uchiha and the creepy, albeit quite attractive, molester he brought with him. Who am I? I am unfortunately the doctor for the Akatsuki Organization.
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Silly Drabble 6
Hinata spends the night helping Naruto break in his new apartment. The entire village finds out that shy, quiet Hinata, is a screamer. What they'd done the night before is made even more obvious by the fact that Naruto carries her back to the Hyuuga compound bridal style. There's also the small fact that she's wearing some of Naruto's clothes (her shirt and wraps having been destroyed in the erotic frenzy), has that freshly, and thoroughly, fucked aura about her and she walks with a noticable limp when Naruto finally sets her down. They are met at the gate by Hiashi and the Hyuuga elders.
"Hiashi, she has defiled herself with that...boy." The elder spat. "She has dishonored herself and this clan for the last time. The clan bylaws are very clear about what must be done. You will deal with her, and instate Hanabi as the primary heir to Clan Head." Hinata's face fell. She knew exactly what happened to dishonored Hyuuga. Even the Branch family pitied them.
"What would you have me do?" Hiashi asked, angrily. He knew the first thing they wanted him to do, but he refused to do so, as he'd done with his youngest for nine years.
"You know what must be done." The elder said. Hiashi nearly growled, but was beaten to it by the blond haired young man standing next to his daughter. It was then that a most devious plan formed in his head. One that would have done the boy proud, and one that meant he had to force a devious smirk from crossing his features.
"Very well," He started, turning to his daughter. "Hinata, you have dishonored this clan for the last time. As you have proven yourself unfit to lead this clan, I have no choice but to name your sister next in line. Furthermore, you have proven that you lack what it takes to be a Main House Hyuuga, and I am forced to rectify this...insult." He could hear the low growl coming from the young man, and knew that he was about an insult away from his clan going the way of the Uchiha. Aside from his daughters, Neji, and a few others, he was almost tempted to say it would be worth it. Still, he refrained from doing so. Turning to the young man who could probably wipe out their clan, and barely break a sweat doing it, he spat. "Uzumaki...she's your problem now. You have an hour to retrieve her things, and leave the compound." It took Hinata a moment before she realized what had just happened. While he had technically removed her from the clan, he had also unofficially given her his blessing in regards to her relationship with Naruto. Hugging her father, she ran inside to began packing her belongings.
"Hiashi!" One of the old geezers screamed.
"If I were you, I'd quit while I was ahead." Naruto growled.
"Who asked you?" The man spat. Deciding to do something he hadn't done ever, Naruto released the entirety of his intimidating aura. With his own impressive chakra, the Kyuubi, as well as the Sage Powers, it was a wonder the man didn't drop dead of a heart attack. Now normally that kind of action would have brought every shinobi in the village to the point of origin, but Konoha ninja knew that if Naruto was releasing that kind of power, they'd likely just be getting in the way if they tried to help. Still, a squad of Anbu was dispatched, just in case.
"You should remember that Hiashi isn't the only person you've pissed off today." Glaring right into the man's eyes, Naruto continued. "And unlike Hiashi, I'm far less capable of being so coldly detached to people hurting my loved ones." Naruto created several dozen clones, and went to help Hinata gather her things.
As Hiashi left the elders to stew in their fear, he couldn't help leaving with a parting shot. "I just thought you should know. Hanabi adores her sister, and I can almost guarantee that she will make you pay dearly for what you just did."
And pay dearly, they did. The first thing that Hanabi did when she took over the clan, was strip the Council of all power within the clan. After that, she began implimenting all the changes that she'd heard her sister making plans for; most notably the removal of the Caged Bird Seal, and outlawing it. As we all know, the Hyuuga Council is a stubborn lot, and wouldn't have taken this sitting down. Now, you may be wondering how it was that Hanabi was able to do what she did. Well first, she had the support of the entire branch family, and a good majority of the main as well; considering everyone liked Hinata just because of who she was as a person, and she treated everyone equally and as equals. The second, and likely most important reason, is the person she brought along for the meeting. As soon as she'd laid down the law, she told them that if they had a problem with the new direction the clan was going, they could take it up with her enforcer. And just who was this enforcer? Why, the blond hair, blue eyed man standing against the wall smirking almost evilly from under the Hokage's hat. It didn't help that his sinister chuckle could be heard echoing around the room. The looks of pure terror on the old bats' faces was totally worth the scolding he was sure to get from his wife that night.
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Silly Drabble 7
As Itachi began week 7 of his self imposed year long community service, we find three of his new co-workers in quite precarious positions. Having had nothing better to do that day, they'd decided to tag along. Now they were sorely wishing they'd just stayed back at the base and played pictionary with the leader. Why you ask, because they had witnessed that day, something that would haunt their dreams for weeks to come. Itachi Uchiha, admitted mass murderer, had spent the day in a civilian daycare, playing with little children as if he did it all the time. As they watched the young prodigy, who was currently in the midst of storytime, regail the children with the story of how he'd slaughtered his clan, the three older men couldn't help but feel worried.
"Is anyone else just a bit disturbed that he's telling a bunch of children how he murdered his family?" Kisame asked, worried at the fact that Itachi had been named his partner.
"Actually, I think I'm more disturbed by the fact that the brats aren't the least bit horrified by the story, and seem to be enjoying it." Sasori replied.
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Silly Drabble 8
Takes place when Itachi and Naruto are talking during the find Itachi arc.
"You're not a child anymore, Naruto. You can't beat your problems, especially the Akatsuki with pranks." Naruto's eyes flashed.
"Oh really." Naruto said, a sinister smile playing across his lips. "We'll see about that." Itachi, paled as Naruto disappeared.
"Oh god, what have I just unleashed on them?" A sudden, thoughtful look then crossed his features. What had he unleashed indeed? Maybe he'd put off his meeting with Sasuke for just a little while, if only to see what kind of hell the blond let loose. It had been one of the things he'd missed after leaving Konoha.
Weeks later...
Four rather frazzled looking Nuke-nin were sitting in a cave afraid not for their lives, but for their sanity. Two of them, long time friends, were clutching each other for mental and psychological support. A certain blue skinned man had a nervous twitch about him, one that had him looking up at every little sound that echoed around them. Zetsu was now among the deceased, a result of Tobi/Madara finally losing his mind. The supposed immortal was now sitting in a corner of the cave rocking back and forth, smoking the remains of Zetsu, and repeating two phrases.
"Tobi is sorry." "Tobi is a good boy."
A certain red eyed ninja from the leaf sat inwardly cackling (after all Itachi Uchiha didn't show emotion) at what should have been several fearsome shinobi. He'd known Naruto could be devious, and sinister, but he'd never known the gaki had it in him to reduce someone like Pein, Madara, or Kisame to twitching, scared wrecks. It would seem that Deidara, Kakuzu, Sasori, and Hidan were the lucky ones after all. Itachi gave a minute smirk, before turning to leave. It was time to head home and see what Naruto had cooked up for the big finish.
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What if...
Naruto is still tricked by Mizuki, but it was for a different reason, for a different master, and for a far more intersting scroll. The Yondaime's personal scroll. Ironically enough, the Kage Bunshin is still on that scroll.
"You will go to the cross on this map I have here. You will enter that building and inside there will be lots of rooms, you will find the master bedroom and inside that room there will be a chest. Inside the chest will be many things a ninja wants. But to prove your loyalty you can only choose one. There will be a scroll in the chest with a yellow lightning on it. That scroll will help you graduate."
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Silly Drabble 9
The premise is that Shino was scheduled to face Sasuke in his first finals match.
The crowd stood stunned as the last Uchiha suddenly crumbled to the ground in front of his opponent. How had the Aburame, who had been an underdog given his bug's weakness against fire, beaten the Uchiha. Well, it was a combination of things. Superior training, intellect, and analytical skills. Not to mention, he'd planned ahead much better than the Uchiha had. Creating that bug clone had been a good idea, because as soon as Sasuke went for that punch, he'd been swarmed.
"How, how did you beat my Sharingan?" Sasuke asked. Up in the Kge booth, Orochimaru was listening intently. It wouldn't do to be caught with such a major flaw to be exploited.
"While I will admit that in the hands of a real shinobi, the Sharingan is a very useful tool, the fact remains that in the hands of an Uchiha it is nothing but a cheap way to gain power. Copying an enemies techniques and providing valuable information to help your village is one thing...stealing jutsu from comrades and using them as if they were your own is another; and not something you should not be praised for, and yes I'm referring to the shadowing technique you stole from Lee." As it happened, Team 7 wasn't the only team to witness Sasuke's embarrassing defeat. "If you are too lazy to put in the work to learn a technique, then you do not deserve the power the technique affords you." Everyone was shocked. That was the most they had ever heard Shino say at once. "I beat you simply because you didn't prepare properly, and depended too much on your eyes to carry you through."
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Naruto's Secret Bloodline
This idea comes from the second to last paragraph of the first chapter of a story called Time Mixup. It's pretty good so far, so you may want to give it a read. Anyway, I'm beginning to think that Naruto may have a secret, never before seen bloodline that allows him to make friends with just about anyone.
Naruto gets locked in a room with Danzo for several hours. Danzo grins, seeing this as his chance to convince, and gain control over the Jinchuuriki for his own use. Unfortunately, he underestimates the blond as every one else does.
One omega application of Therapy Jutsu later...
Half an hour after the room was unlocked, we find Danzo standing in front of his entire Root Force (those not on missions currently).
"Tomorrow morning, you will all report to Tsunade for new orders." He said. Without another word, he went to his office, and activated a seal on his desk. The next morning, when Tsunade entered her office, she found it filled with files. On her desk was a note, written surprisingly by Danzo.
Tsunade
Well played, hime. It would seem that I have grossly underestimated what Sarutobi always talked about. It is time that I did my part to help this great tree grow, instead of contaminating its roots.
Danzo
Tsunade was of course shocked, but she wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, that's for sure.
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Silly Drabble 10
What if Zabuza had a different reaction to Naruto's name? Inspired by chapter 10 of Time Mixup (hella funny, and worth the read).
Seeing Sasuke in trouble, Sakura threw a kunai at the mysterious ninja. Her hope turned to horror when the boy merely stuck a hand out, and caught the kunai as if it was nothing.
"H-he blocked it." She said in disbelief. As he half hung out of a mirror, Haku felt an incoming projectile coming towards his head. He lifted his head to dodge, but it cost him his balance, and he fell from the mirror. Suddenly, an explosion rocked the bridge, that gathered everyone's attention. Standing there was a spikey hair blond, in an orange jumpsuit.
"Naruto Uzumaki has finally arrived!" Zabuza's head snapped to Kakashi so fast, you'd have thought his neck would break.
"What did he say his name was?" He asked, deadly serious.
"Naruto Uzumaki." Kakashi repeated, wondering what so scary about his student. He was pretty sure that Naruto hadn't made a name for himself in the shinobi world, and the only thing really scary about him was the fox and his ability to abuse Kage Bunshin. Zabuza's eyes went wide in fear, further confusing Kakashi.
"Fuck, HAKU!" He screamed, and the boy appeared next to him in an instant. "As of right now, we are no longer enemies of the Konoha nin, we are allies." Kakashi just stared at the man dumbfounded.
"Uhh, what?"
"In Mist, we grow up hearing horror stories of shinobi who have encountered enemy ninja from that clan." Zabuza spoke. "Standing order in the Kiri ranks is to flee on sight if you ever find yourself facing anyone from that clan. There's a story about the Nidaime Mizukage that is still told to all prospective Genin, even after the clan perished with Whirlpool Country." Kakashi raised an amused eye. Having known both Naruto and his mother, he was definitely going to have to here this.
"Is that so?" Kakashi asked. "Do tell."
"The story tells that the Nidaime Mizukage ordered the execution of a traveling merchant from the clan who was on his way home because he wouldn't part with soomething that the Mizukage wished to possess. The item varies with each telling, but you get the gist. The story goes that he was attacked by the newly created Shinobigatana, who were told to acquire the item at any cost, and they were all killed in the attempt. The merchant added insult to injury by selling the swords back to the village for a substantial profit." Zabuza shuddered, thinking of other stories that his own sensei, and his Anbu Captain (who'd lost three limbs to an unknown Uzumaki woman with red hair) had told him. "I don't care if that brat is a Genin or not, I've heard too much crap about that clan having all kinds of weird powers and abilities to risk it." Kakashi thought about that for a moment.
"Well, he does have the Kyuubi sealed inside him, so I guess that counts." He muttered, but Zabuza heard him, and paled further.
Haku, who was only half listening felt something poking at the back of his mind. It was like a memory that he'd long since let go, was trying to make a reappearance. It was at this time, that he remembered something his mother had told him as a child. 'If you ever meet an Uzumaki, preferably of the opposite sex, be sure to do whatever you can to marry them. It will be the best decision you ever make. You may also want to prepare yourself before the wedding night. The Uzumaki have a weird obsession with sticking things up people's rear ends, and there's no telling if that translates to the bedroom.' Haku suddenly disappeared from Zabuza's side, and reappeared in front of Naruto.
"I lied." She said. "I'm not really a boy." Haku removed her mask, grabbed Naruto by the face, and kissed him heartily. Sasuke's head fell to the ground in silent thanks, and somewhat annoyance.
"Only Naruto..." He grunted. "Only that idiot could be so lucky."
"I don't know how much truth there is to the rumor," Zabuza whispered to Kakashi, not even noticing his tool's actions. "But some say that the Uzumaki was a clan blessed by the Rikudou Sennin. They were a clan of 'Natural Shinobi', who could, in times of grief, and especially in protection of others, draw on the mysterious blessing from the mythical figure. It grants them incredible power, deep wells of chakra, and while in battle, a natural talent for the ninja arts and tactics." That got Kakashi to thinking. Naruto was surprisingly strong, that had been proven during the bell test. He should have been able to power out of any hold a Genin could put on him, but he'd been forced to use the Kawarimi to escape. He also had an incredibly deep well of chakra. The way he threw around Kage Bunshin shouldn't have been possible, although that could be a result of his being a Jinchuuriki. The last part though, was what had him considering the impossible. Both in the bell test, and during that first confrontation with Zabuza, Naruto's plans had shown an incredible amount of tactical brilliance for someone so normally slow. This would require some looking into.
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Silly Drabble 11
While Anko and Naruto engaged in their duel of dirty dialogue, no one seemed to notice the effect it was having on a certain heiress. As the two kept going and going, Hinata was becoming progressively redder. At the same time, the crimson drip from her nose was also growing progressively larger, until a final comment was too much.
"Oh yeah, well let's put my penis where your mouth is, and see you back it up." Naruto shouted. "Wait...I mean." Naruto never got to say what he meant, because Hinata rocketed backwards, spraying everything in red.
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Silly Drabble 12
As Kiba was leaving his team's training session, passing another seldom used training area, he caught the most amazing scent floating in the air. Following it, he ended up in the training ground, where Naruto was doing battle with several versions of himself. Following the scent to the blond that had the strongest scent, Kibe inhaled deeply and groaned.
"Smell good, don't I?" Naruto asked with a grin. "Pheromones, side effect of absorbing the giant flea motel." Taking another deep whiff, Kiba smirked.
"Dude, unless you intend to get raped by every woman in my family, I'd suggest avoiding the Inuzuka Clan home until you can suppress that."
"You say that like it would be a bad thing." Naruto quipped, causing Kiba to go green.
-ending to the Naruto Kiba Drabble
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Silly Drabble 13
Getting over Sakura in a most unorthodox manner...or Bad Advice From Jiraiya That Actually Works Out For Naruto
"Hey Hinata, can I perv on you a little bit?" Naruto asked. Had he asked anyone else, his question would have likely been met with violence. For Hinata, shock that Naruto was speaking to her, her normal, usually futile, attempt to stay awake in his presence, and a shocked giddiness that her Naruto-kun wanted to think those kinds of thoughts about her had Hinata stunned silent.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to peep on you or anything, but Ero-Sennin said that thinking slightly naughty thoughts," Jiraiya hadn't said slightly. "About another girl you think is pretty will help you get over girls you're better off letting go." Inner Hinata did a jig as she correctly surmised that Naruto was finally moving on from Sakura, and had chosen her as a possible replacement candidate for his affections. Okay, so she was right about the first part, and the second was just wishful thinking that was only somewhat possible; he had implied he thought she was pretty after all. Face redder than a very red object, Hinata nodded. "Thanks Hinata. And to be fair, you can perv on me too if you want, though I doubt you'd want to."
And just like that, there was a shift in the cosmos. For years Hinata had argued with herself about how wrong it would be to use her Byakugan to peep on Naruto, and she had just been given free reign to do so. A strange glint formed in her eyes as Hinata's Inner Pervert was unleashed. It was free to hunt, and it was obvious who it had set its sights on. Let's just say he had black hair, and a Sharing-
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"What the hell are you doing on my computer?!" The author yelled, returning from the restroom.
"Nothing." A gorgeous, pink haired woman said, her face the picture of innocence; NOT. Not believing the innocent act for a second, he yelled.
"Sakura, your Inner Perv is making trouble again." Author glared. Sakura appeared looking harried.
"What did she do this time?"
"She tried to perform blasphemy by changing a Naru/Hin fic into a Sas/Hin so that you could have Naruto." Sakura cringed, before dragging the sexy woman away; all the while nagging about how she was in love with Sasuke. The pink haired woman was paying about as much attention to the girl as the Uchiha normally did. The author couldn't help but marvel at the differences between the two. One was fanart sexy, the other looked like an effiminate 12 year old boy. One stalked Naruto as much as Hinata, the other Sasuke. It was obvious where Sakura's true intelligence was stored. It certainly explained all the "Clueless Sakura" bashing, and why the girl seemed to lack common sense in those stories.
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Silly Drabble 14
As part of the treaty, Konoha and Suna agree to an exchange of shinobi. Due to Suna's not knowing of Gaara's change of heart, he is the first one chosen for the exchange. Temari, who had just gotten her brother back, decides that she doesn't want to waste this chance to get to know her brother better, and volunteers. Kankurou, after finding out about his father, decides to stay as well. Random Jounin #37, and random Chuunin's #'s 42 and 51 are sent to Suna.
In a certain village in Wind Country, four people in resplindant robes were seated around a table going over the terms of the treaty Konoha had sent. There was no doubt that they would accept the terms, they didn't have any choice in the matter given their lack of a leader, and the fact that Konoha was still stronger than them even after the invasion.
"So who area we gong to send?" One of them asked.
"I vote Gaara." Another answered.
"But, we can't give up such a powerful weapon." The first man yelled. A third added his opinion.
"A powerful weapon he may be, but an unstable weapon is just as dangerous to its wielder as it is to an enemy."
"This is a mistake." The first man said. "Gaara is far too powerful for us to let go."
"That is true, Yuura, but he is also too dangerous to keep with his father gone."
"It is decided, then." The fourth man finally said. "Gaara will be the first. He can be Konoha's problem now." Yuura paled. Master Sasori wasn't going to like this.
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"Since we are living here now, I wish for Uzumaki to become our brother." Gaara said imperiously. It was only right that he consider the boy who'd saved him from himself family. It was something that family would do for one another, so far as he knew.
"And just how are we supposed to do that?" Temari asked.
"Well, you can either marry him, or we can adopt him into the family." Kankurou said, wisely taking Gaara's side. Gaara had started to change, true, but he wasn't about to relax his guard yet. While Temari admired the boy's guts and strength as a shinobi, he just wasn't boyfriend or husband material. Adoption it is, but...
"Um, unless the two of you have forgotten," She stated. "We don't have that kind of authority or privelage."
"Actually, Konoha has some really obscure adoption laws." Kankurou said. "In our case, so long as the most senior member of a clan, that's you, gives their permission, Gaara or I could petition for Naruto to join our family."
"We aren't a clan." Temari reminded him.
"Actually, former Kage and their families are granted clan status in Konoha, no matter where they are from, upon accepting citizenship (1). Since our dad was the Kazekage, we have clan status, though we're considered a minor clan."
"How the hell do you know this?" Temari asked; Gaara too was curious.
"I got bored during that month long wait." Kankurou answered. "I did some light reading."
"Fine, let's go see the Hokage." Temari relented. "But considering we never had last names," And she still firmly hated the decree that the Kazekage had to relinquish their surname upon taking office, and that (s)he and his/her family had to go by Sabaku no 'First Name'. They'd have only gotten them back if he retired (or she married), and unlike Konoha, dying didn't count as Unexpected Forced Retirement in Suna. "We have nothing to call the clan, and having him called Sabaku no Naruto, all things considered, would be inappropriate and offensive."
"Well, since we'll all be family anyway, we could take his surname." Kankurou said. "I don't know about you, but I'm sick of not having one."
"Gaara Uzumaki sounds nice." Said teen monotoned. "And I don't even have to suffer the twisted delusions of yaio fangirls to get it."
1. There is of course the customary probation period, but luckily they don't have to worry about that because of the treaty.
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Silly Drabble 15
Written by Lao Satoshi (1)
"Lee, I am proud of you my pupil, for mastering the Springtime of Youth." Gai said. "But now that you are 18, it is time for you to leave that behind." Lee looked shocked.
"But Gai-sensei..."
"Hush Lee," Gai ordered, whapping him on the head. "And fear not, for tomeorrow you begin your training for the Summertime of Manhood." Lee's eyes sparkled so bright, he blinded a passing squirrel, which proceded to smash into a tree. Now you may wonder what Gai could teach Lee about getting laid. Well contrary to popular belief, Gai was not gay, nor was he by any means a virgin. Given his training regime, the only person who could more thoroughly plow multiple women into Happy Land, just so happened to be his student's eternal rival. There was also the fact that the only person more capable of seducing women than he was, is Jiraiya (when it really mattered, and he's not playing up the old letch role; although given that Naruto was his apprentice there may be one more ahead of him now), or was it the fact that he could do 100 push-ups with his tongue. Poor Tenten would have no idea what she was getting into when she agreed to help Lee train, although my existence should tell you what eventually came of that training session.
1. If you're wondering who this is, he's an oc I created. He's Tenten's son, and Lee's the daddy.
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Why Lee would still beat Sasuke in a fight
"Youthful Smile no Jutsu!" Lee yelled, running through a set of seals. While he had no real talent for Ninjutsu, it would seem that any technique that was filled with youth he could master with ease. The Uchiha, who had been running straight at him, Sharingan blazing got the shock of his life. While normally near blinding, the jutsu that Lee had just used magnified the shine of his smile 10 fold, and fully concentrated it on his foe. With his Sharingan activated, Sasuke couldn't help but take in every detail of the jutsu, and the smile. Every single millimeter of glittering, blinding exuberence that was Lee's grin flash in his eyes at once. He screamed as his eyes burned with untold pain from the super flash. What Naruto said next actually hurt Kakashi's feelings a bit.
"He taught Lee how to beat Sasuke with a smile?" Naruto exclaimed. "Gai is the most awesome sensei ever."
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Well, there's chapter 3, I hope you enjoyed it. If not, you can always visit our Customer Service/Complaint Office. I'd advise against that, the guy that runs it is kind of creepy.